Equestria Borderlands

Dry. Hot. Dusty.

The heat of the arid wasteland of Pandora assaulted my senses like a magnifying glass frying an ant. In this case, I was the ant. Ugh, karma really had an ironic sense of humor. That or Celestia was getting too excited discovering that her sun rose on more horizons than just Equestria.

“We're almost here.” Markoff yelled over the vehicle he was driving. It's a new contraption we didn't have on Equestria. MOV, I believe he called it. Magic Operated Vehicle. Seriously, why was off world tech so much better than the home word? It just wasn't fair.

My attention drifted from from the rocky brown mountains to the front of the MOV.  Other than Markoff, a fat greedy earth pony with a dung colored coat and mane in an open tropics shirt, there were three other ponies around me.

There was a red earth pony, in a strange get up. He had on a newsies cap and old style vest, both of gray, which seemed to clash with his blonde mane and tail. I could see a pocket watch and quill as his cutie mark. Wonder what his story was.

Across the row from him, was a unicorn, bright neon yellow with blue of the same brilliance for his own mane, plus a spiral of the same blue running up his horn. I couldn't catch a glimpse of his cutie mark, not that it mattered.

Then behind them, was a changeling. His eyes and mane were, wait. Did changelings have manes? Well, what ever the case, it was red, like a blood red, and that put my teeth on edge. I didn't want to know why he was here.

That left me. I'm Gear Tech. A Pegasus who had a few too many run in's with the law to feel comfortable back in Equestria. I found out a week ago that the Hyperstallion Corporation were looking for brave adventures to explore a planet that was discovered a few years back. Some records were found in the desert planet referencing a Vault of some kind. What's actually in it? Well, that's where rumors come in.

Some say wealth beyond measure. Others, weapons to fulfill your wildest fantasies. Me, I'd say some kind of alien technology that was left behind by who ever created the Vault in the first place. Technology...

“She's doing it again.” The red stallion up front commented to the unicorn, just loud enough for me to hear.

“Am not!” I shot back, wiping the drool from my chin. Oh crap! I was!

“To each their own.” The changeling buzzed, his voice sounding dry. “I myself hope the Vault holds the key to being charismatic.”

The yellow unicorn snorted, putting up a foreleg on the back rest of the bench like seats so he could turn and look at the black holed creature. “And why pay tell would you want that?” He snicked. “Oh right. Free food.”

The changeling just shrugged. “What can I say?”

“All you need is love.” The red one replied. “And maybe a napkin.”

“And we're here!” Markoff proclaimed with an excited shout. The MOV came to a screeching halt, throwing all of us, with the exception of the driver and changeling, forward, forcing us to clutch at the seat in front to keep from adding a little extra distance to our trip.

“Hey! A little warning next time, would ya?!” I yelled.

“But I did.” Markoff chuckled. I told you 'we're here' two seconds before we stopped.” He turned to look at us, an eyebrow raised. “I doubt any bandit would give you the same curtsey when he's lining up for a head shot.”

Both Red and Yellow stiffened at the statement. I myself felt my mouth go dry. The changeling just sat there.

“Bandits?” Red asked.

Markoff gave a merry chuckle. “Of course. Bandits, Scags, Raks, crabworms, they all want to kill you and suck the marrow from your bones. Makes you feel all warm and wanted inside, doesn’t it, eh?”

Red went pale. Yellow's eyes went large. If felt like I was going to throw up.

“But, and for a limited time only, I'll sell you the best of the best in anti bandit and carnivorous creature firepower this little desert rock has to offer.” The dung colored stallion gave us a large grin, standing up fully, showing off the bulk of his weight hanging around his gut. His cargo shorts seemed to slip from his enormous backside, sagging just slightly.

“How much?” The holey black bug asked in font of me.

“I'm glad you asked!” Markoff grinned. Even though the rest of his body was going to pot, his teeth were pearly white. Somehow, I found that slightly disturbing. “Well, it was two hundred bits for the ride here, so lets just say another three hundred, so it's a rounded five hundred from each. Fair is fair, wouldn't you say?”

I just stared. “Three hundred? Are you kidding me? I only have fifty left!”

Markoff smiled. “You may have no money when I'm done with you, but you'll have a gun. A bandit will take your money,” He gave me a quick look up and down. “And your body. I sure hope you like long excruciating deaths, because bandits do, only they prefer to hold the knife.” Markoff opened the door of the MOV. “But, what can I say? Maybe you'll be lucky, pretty mare, and they won't keep you chained to a pole to rape whenever they well please. It's been a very long time since any of them had seen a fine figure of a mare as yourself. Or a mare at all.”

We were all stunned and horrified at his words. The greedy stallion just grinned, standing by the open door, with a hand out stretched, inviting us to leave before buying a gun.

We didn't have a choice. Forking over the last of our cash, the traveling sells pony gave us all rusty weapons. Red ended up with a rusty shotgun, which looked like it was going to explode rather than shoot, but he grimly nodded, getting of the MOV. Yellow, having more to give, walked off with a sniper rifle, that was in no better condition. To the changeling, an SMG was given and I was blessed with a light machine gun that looked like it had been forgotten at the bottom of a lake for a few years.

“Now, enjoy your stay to Pandora,” Markoff smiled. “And please don't die. I need your money.” His belly laugh was cut off as the MOV's doors closed. Moments latter, the vehicle tore off, leaving us behind, in the dust, looking at each other, not sure what to do.

“Well fuck.” Yellow vented. “We're stranded in the middle of nowhere, alone, no idea where to go, don't know what the Taurus we're looking for, with guns that have more a chance to give us tetanus than working properly!”

Yellow sighed. “Welcome to Pandora. Give us your shit and we'll leave you to die.”

“I think you're wrong about something.” The changeling droned.

“And that is?” I demanded, feeling myself bordering on the line of hysteria.

It was then that I heard the sound of metal shuffling on metal, as if someone was running fully equipped for war. “Over here boys!” Some pony yelled in the distance. “Looks like we've got some live ones!”

“I don't think we're alone.” The black bug added. “Should we find some cover by now?”