Loss of a loved one

by Twidash1

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Sad
Length: 1040

it been 4 years since her mom died but scooaloo still feels the pain in her heart

It's been 4 years since her mom died now scootaloo feels the only one she can talk to is her mom about how she feels about what went on and why she feels she blames her self for what happened on that day but doing so she knows her mom still loves her with all her heart

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-04 09:40:49 UTC

the pain of the heart

Its been 4 years since you  have been gone because of the cancer and it still. Hurts  it hurts like  any thing i have never known  i mean why did  you leave me  why what did i do  for you to die on me . i wish i was with you but i cant everypony keep asking if i need to talk about how i feel but i cant i dont want to seem weak to them i just cant  and they say it going to get better  but when is it  i find each day some times the pain feels like i am dead inside  no pony knows that feeling  i keep having flashbacks of that day  a whole team of medical staff tryed  to help they even said they will try to put you on life support but it was to far gone they said it  was just a waiting game now i have had so many sleepless nights over the years i have lost count  some nights i wakeup crying  shouting for you still hopeing it was just a bad dream but i know it was real it did happen i know syou died but  anything is better than the truth my life is one bad dream for the first year i could not feel anything in my heart but pain and it hurt every day the same pain i just locked my self away from the world and friends i even  could not face rainbow dash  my big sister who  let me sleep in her home on that day  the pain inside keeps hurting why cant you just go away  i stated to drink my self to sleep  it worked but i had to stop before it became a problem but  i started to read  about this thing  called depression and how it came in waves some days you going to be ok but some other days i feel dead inside  after two years  i got better i started to see my friends boy they was happy to see me they asked  how i was and how i was feeling some days rainbowdash and i went for walks to see her it was nice to have her with me if i needed to cry she would hug me like saying let it out i am here  and i would thank her for being there she would just say' you would do the same  for me thats what big sisters do' whats true i would do the same  but  he  last month leading to the day you died  the depression has been get worse  if you ask rainbowdash how fearless i am she would say i am the breavest pony she knows  but that day i felt fear i just wanted to run away and never come back  the fear and the pain  made me not talk to any pony why is it still here  the worst thing is i am forgetting how she sounded how you laughted  am i forgetting you and why  is it happening to me mom why am i forgetting you i cant  not now and not ever will i forget you mom i know you can hear me why did you go i loved you didnt you love me  is that why you gave up   fighting it i love you still and iknow that you love me even you are gone you still here n my  heart and always there no matter where i am you are here with me the pain hurts less now than it did when it started i live with rainbowdash  you would love her she training me to  fly still but some days ago i got my cutie mark you would be so happy but i guess you are even you are not here   in reallife i can feel you in my heart the love you would be giveing me and you saying i am so proud of you but you are gone and i cant bring you back if i had one wish and it was to have one more day would i use it i dont know if i would use it because it would hurt seeing you die again love you mom  hope to see you tonight in my dreams as she fell asleep rainbowdash pulled the  bed covers over her and said i will look after her for you she is in safe hooves with me   you can trust me on  that as rainbow dash  went to bed she heard a voce saying 'thank you for looking  after her' a tear rolled down her cheek as she smiled knowing  who the voice came from it was scootaloo's mom even it was just in her mind . mom  i still love you alot but why cant i move on the depression still is there i  dont want any pills so i picked the hard way because i dont want  to be lost in taking them i dont want  to be somepony else  it would not be me  i also heard  it heard to get off them so i have to fight it be my self  it hard but i can do it i seen that luna gave my wish a change i did see you in my dream and you was happy to hear how i got my  cutie mark over and over but you kept smiing  but you said you are sorry for not being with me any more   you dont have to be sorry  you are  not to blame for  what happend  we played like we used to  even rainbowdash was there you thanked her  you talked to rainbow like she was a old friend you both  laughted at some of the storys about me  when i was just a  baby what was embarasing but that what moms do   when i was geting up  i seen a smile on both of your faces  i wonder why mom rainbow wants to adopt me  is she trying to replace you  whats going to happen to you will forget you altogether or is she doing it because she loves me and wants  the best for me like a mom would i sort of look up to her like a mom now i mean you are my real mom but having her here as a mom i would not stop loving you what do i do i might give it a try who knows it would be nice having a mom again but i promise you will be my mom always and i ll always love you and i know that you still live me in my heart