Princess Luna: Master Matchmaker

by xStellar_Bubbles

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Romance
Length: 4080

Princess Luna tries to find a mate for Princess Celestia. Things may or may not end well.

On a fateful Hearts and Hooves Day, Princess Luna happens to notice that her sister, Princess Celestia, has been feeling down in the whereabouts of the Canterlot Castle. So, with the help of a fellow princess, Luna decides to help Celestia by finding a companion for her!

... Because that would go oh so well.

Spoiler:
Contains slight OOC behavior, [Shipping Spoiler] also contains some Dislestia shipping.

Published 2016-02-14 02:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-14 02:00:01 UTC

Well, Do You Have Any Better Ideas?

On a fateful day in the land of Equestria, everything was quaint and peaceful. The holiday that was known as Hearts and Hooves day is around the corner. Each citizen made sure there celebration would be successful. Ponies were happily with one another, and vast amounts of joy and love were in the air.

However, things were somewhat different in the royal Canterlot Castle, where the two out of the four highest figures of authority, Princesses Celestia and Luna, lived in their royal residence.

In one of their very bedrooms were an almost solemn Celestia. Her luminous and colorful mane calmly flowed in the nonexistent wind that it was somehow going through. But, not even her own pretty colors can cheer her up, because Princess Celestia was lying her head on the hard cold windowsill as she sat on the carpeted surface of her own room.

Outside the window, she was overlooking a simple cafe. It had an outdoor section to it, with tables scattered among the cobblestone pathways. But, what Celestia was focused on where the ponies taking up those said tables. Or, more precisely, the ones that each had one stallion and one mare.

Princess Celestia was specifically eyeing the Canterlot couple of Jet Set and Upper Crust, in which the stallion was hovering a heart-shaped box with his light violet magic. The mare pleasantly opened the box, revealing an assortment of chocolates, and popping a piece in her mouth with a smile.

She couldn't help but sigh at the sight.

Right out the door and in the castle corridors, though, were the clip-clops of a simple trot. It came from none other than Celestia’s dear sister, Princess Luna, who was casually strolling through the hallways, calling out her sibling’s name.

“Celestia? Celestiaaaa!” Luna said, in an almost singsong voice. But, eventually, she found her sister’s bedroom and stood in the doorway. “Oh, there you are!” The princess of the night enters, with her dark blue horn glowing the aura of a lighter shade of blue, for she was also levitating a golden tray with a silver plate cover. "The royal cook finished your lunch! Just as I ordered for you, completely organic!" Princess Celestia seemingly ignored Luna, and continued to stare out her own window, still watching over the citizens of Canterlot below.

Princess Luna, with a small frown upon her face, settle the dish gently on a flat wooden surface of a table, and walked closer to her sibling.

"Dear sister, may you tell me what's wrong? Thou seems vastly under the weather lately," she said.

"It's nothing." Celestia said, almost coldly.

"Tia! It must be something!" The princess of the night said in response. "Ever since yesterday, I've noticed a change in your behavior. What has been bothering you lately?" This time, nothing came out of Luna's sister, nothing but silence.

"Please? I demand that you tell me an answer." Luna's sentence was followed up by her sitting next to the fellow princess, and even wrapped one of her immensely large navy blue wings around her. "I'm genuinely worried, Celestia." However, it did not take long for Luna to look out the opening alongside the solar princess, and for the said monarch to respond.

"I'm just... it's... I've never had this feeling before for all of the Hearts and Hooves Days that arrived. I sincerely don't know why, but all I know is that... I feel sorrow."

"Sorrow, you say?" Princess Luna said, as Celestia nodded slowly and continued to stare into the clear glass. Luckily, the younger sister’s gears began to turn, and then even more until Luna couldn't help but let her eyes sparkle and a smile to form. “No worries needed, sister! I know exactly what is you certainly need!” Princess Celestia was going to let her go, but that isn't until she decided to make one remark.

“Wait! Luna, no!” But, much to Celestia’s slight dismay, she has already left.

In the aftermath of the princess of the night’s escape, the first thing she did was fly to the highest balcony of the Canterlot castle, where a blue and golden telescope was waiting for her there.

“Just as where I left it!” Luna said with glee. Then, once she did so and landed, she tilted the whole telescope so that it points to down below and looked into the eyepiece. Princess Luna scanned the town, pointing the device and focusing on the many stallions that were walking by below. There is no time to waste! she thought to herself, Celestia must have her very own companion! There will not be a frown on her very face tomorrow! Now... who shall be the lucky stallion?

The first male that she saw was none other than Fancy Pants, strolling in his dapper black suit and additional monocle. However, Fleur Dis Lis was walking beside him. Taken, of course. Luna thought once more. That would have been an utmost perfect choice too! ... Maybe. The princess shifted the telescope slightly to the left, focused the lenses, and looked in once more.

In her view, Princess Luna saw a navy blue unicorn stallion with a grey mane and tail, with his accessories being humongous glasses, a red bandana, and multiple cameras. He could also be seen running after a unicorn mare with a white coat and a red mane. Although Luna couldn't directly hear what he was saying, she saw him mouth, "No, please! Don't go! I only want to interview your every detail!" Luna shook her head but smiled at the same time. "Fashion Plate will never change."

Once more, the device was adjusted. But this time, it focused on a beige pony with a brown mane, a green baseball cap with a turnip on it, a filthy white tank top, and to top it all off, huge buck teeth. He was seen washing one of the windows while being held in the air by a contraption.

"No. Just no."

Many many many minutes later, Princess Luna searched and scanned every possible male she could find within the local area. She even went as far as to take a quick fly over Canterlot. However, much to her dismay, Luna couldn't find anypony that would both be fitting for her sister and was single at the same time. After she landed in the exact same spot on the castle balcony. She pondered and rub her chin with a hoof. I can not waste anymore time! There must be a better way of finding the perfect match for Celestia! I must acquire assistance immediately! She then sighed, almost stressed. But who should I look for? Who can help me with the issue of love of all things? Luna gazed over her surroundings. But then, she happened to view a lone train heading out of Canterlot. With that, she smiled.

I know just who to go to!

"Princess Twilight Sparkle!" Princess Luna said, "I am in need of your aid! Your cooperation would be much appreciated!" The said pretty purple princess, almost dumbfounded while standing in her very golden castle doors, twitched an ear.

"Um..." she started off, "You don't have to shout, your Highness. I'm... standing two feet in front of you." Luna showed a slightly sheepish grin, but then stood up tall.

"Ahem, well, er, my apologies, Princess Twilight," she said, with the shy smile forming once again, but Twilight decided to genuinely beam in response.

"Well, it would be an honor to help you, Princess Luna. What is it that you need?"

"Alright, about that... how do I put this? I... am trying to find... somepony for Princess Celestia. May you give me advice on how to do so?"

"Wait, you're asking me if... ?" Luna nodded in response.

"Indeed."

"I'm sorry, Luna, but I, well, don't know too much about stallions. Also, platonic relationships are more of what I'm familiar of." Twilight Sparkle started, but with an excited smile start to form. "But, I know what can help you!" Her horn glowed the usual magenta aura, and eventually, after a few seconds, a book appeared out of thin air, levitating in front of her. It was titled, 'How To Get Ponies To Make Love 101'. All Luna could do was twitch an eye and mentally facehoof. "I don't know why I have this, but I do!" Twilight said, still smiling.

"Twilight."

"Um... yes Princess?"

"Has my sister taught you nothing?"

"Wha- what do you mean?" Princess Twilight said, eyes widening.

"I'm not going to listen to a book."

"B-But... knowledge!"

"Has reading a book ever assisted you in life?"

"Well, pfft, certainly! There's that one time when I had a sleepover with Applejack and Rarit- oh. Right." It was then Twilight's turn to sheepishly smile and blushes, and with a spark of magic, made the novel disappear. "Point taken." Princess Luna slightly smiled too and nodded. "Perhaps... somepony else would be better for this?" Luna stared blankly, until actually bringing a hoof to the face. Her hoof even clinked too.

"Of course. How could I have not thought of that?"

"Shouldn't that have been your first choi-" Before Twilight could even finish, a metal shoe was in her face.

"Shhhhhhhhhhhh."

"Luna, what are you doi-"

"You shall not speak of this."

"Why n-"

"Shhhhhh. Just... don't." The next thing Twilight Sparkle knew, Princess Luna vanished out of her sight in less than a second.

"You want me to do what?" Princess Cadence said.

"Indeed, this may sound absolutely absurd, but I assure you, Cadence, that this is urgent! ... Somewhat!" The only thing the pink princess can only do is raise an eyebrow.

"Uh-huh. Um, may I ask why this is such a very important thing to do? Because I'm in the middle of... something." Luna took a slight step back. Her jaw was additionally dropped too, as she stuttered.

"W-What the? Have you seen Princess Celestia in the castle lately? She's absolutely miserable up there!" Princess Cadence still has her eyebrow raised, as she gazed at the night princess. "This never happened near the thousands and thousands of Hearts and Hooves Days that have happened before!"

"Well, she is certainly... how do I put this?"

"Old?"

"Um... I was going to say that she's... venerable." Luna then leaned in, and whispered in Cadence's ear.

"No worries, I'm her sibling, therefore it's always okay for me to call her senile." The fellow princess rolled her eyes but smiled at the same time.

"If you insist."

“But, ahem, anyways, Cadence, to put it simply, I genuinely want to do something special for Celestia." Princess Luna continued, as she started to hang her head low. "She puts up with me so much! I don't even know how she can still stand it! There must be a way I can somehow make it up for her!" Luna even got crouched down, both of her forelegs clamped together. "Please! I'm begging you! This is also a very uncomfortable position, I don't even know why I'm still in it!" The princess of love rubbed her chin slowly, but regardless, kept a small smile on her face.

"Now that you mention it, that would certainly be a blast." Cadence said, and leaned in to whisper. "It's better than the current situation I am in right now." Right when she said that, the raspy and masculine voice of Shining Armor booms from the crystal hallways.

"Cadence!" He shouted, "Honey! Where are you going? I haven't even showed you thirty cards in my collection!"

"Sorry, sweetie!" The said princess responded. "I have to do some royal... stuff! Errands! Something like that! I won't be gone for long, my love!" Then, as quick as a blink, the two monarchs were storming out of the castle. Meanwhile, Shining levitated a tin box out of the room he was standing in front of, and opened it.

"It's just you and me, limited edition golden foil card of Neighton Manning."

After the two figures of royalty have successfully ran off, they eventually did get to the city of Canterlot, thanks to the use of their humongous alicorn wings and occasional teleportation spell. The first thing they did, or at least Princess Luna suggested to do, was hide behind one of the bushes.

"So, what was it that you needed me to do again?" Princess Cadence asked.

"What I required your assistance for was to find the most suitable male for Celestia."

"Oh... right. By the way."

"Yes?"

"Why are we hiding behind a bush? It's almost tacky, if you ask me." Luna pushed a small portion of the shrubbery out of her way, until she can easily see the cobblestone path.

"We musn't be seen, Cadence," The princess replied, "-Our cover shall not be exposed to the public, or possible havoc may arrive. We need to be out of sight, having our actions be covert... or else chaos will arise."

"Did somepony say chaos? I definitely heard chaos." Right before either princess could even know it, a disfigured face emerged from the shrubs surrounding them.

"Are you serious?" Luna said. Cadence's first instinct was to jump.

"Holy flipping mother of Celestia!" Princess Cadence said. Meanwhile, Luna remained indifferent. Unamused, even, as she crossed her arms.

"Discord." The draconequus in question, with the snap of his lion paw, teleported next to Princess Luna and fiddled with her blue starry mane.

"Oh Lulu. Lulu Lulu Lulu! You always were the boring one out of you and Celestia." He replied, then sighed. "Tsk tsk, princess!" Cadence, remained on the grass as she stared blankly at the sky.

"I'll never look at bushes the same way again... " The semi-traumatized princess said, as Discord leaned his horse head closer to her face. Then, as quick as a blink, he was suited in a doctor's cloak, a facemask, and additional gloves. Discord proceeded to put a lion paw over Cadence's forehead.

"Hmm. You look pale as snow."

"Oh-" The pink princess said, "-You think?! After I some draconequus decided to scare the living daylights out of me!" Discord's medical outfit disappeared, as he put both of his hands up.

"It's just a prank, bro!" He said, until grinning, and bursting into laughter. "A hilarious one! Ahahaha! You two are just marvelous, I say!" Then, he took a moment to wipe a tear from his eye. "If only this was on film. Oh wait-" Discord said, and snapped his fingers, to have a floated camera with an accompanying blank screen. "-It is now!" Right when that sentence was finished, a clip of Princess Cadence frantically swinging her forelegs as she fell on her back played. Meanwhile, the two princesses sat on the grass, with their hooves crossed as they looked at the god of chaos in his two gigantic eyes. However, it didn't take long for the equipment to then disappear. "Oh, you prissy pony princesses have no sense of humor whatsoever!" It was then Discord's turn to cross his arms, and even to pout and look away.

Princess Luna sighed a moment later. "What is it that you want, Discord?" She asked, bitterly.

"Nothing much, you sassy sister!" He said, as he levitated off the ground and proceeded to hover over a nearby shrub covered with many pink flowers. "Fluttershy sent me to pick some flowers for her." Discord proceeded to lean in to both of them in order to whisper. "We're having a tea and crumpets party!" He even did a tiny jig in celebratory of his future celebration. "Pink is her favorite!" Then, in a white flash, a neat bouquet was hovering next to him, with a completely destroyed shrub beneath.

"I ordered that to be trimmed yesterday!" Luna exclaimed, as the god of chaos wrapped his arms around the bunch of flowers, then started to shuffle in mid-air.

"Ah, perfect! Absolutely perfect!" Princess Luna stared at the dancing draconequus. Her gears began to turn in her head, and a smile began to form on her face as she pulled the other princess close to her.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"What are you- Oh wait. Wait. What?" Cadence said, as she looked at Discord, who was still shuffling happily.

"Who to pair better with my sister than somepony who had known her for such a long time?"

"He's another species!"

"Would you rather have Celestia be with somepony... I don't know... many millennia younger than her?"

"You just had to bring that up."

"Well, do you have any better ideas?"

"... Fine."

"So, I just... sit and wait?" Discord asked, he sat on a white plastic chair with a matching table in front of him, as the two princesses proceeded to go behind the shrubs once more.

"Trust us, Discord! I, especially, am immensely positive!" Princess Luna replied, as she jumped behind a bush, as the god of chaos in question crossed his arms.

"This is rather boring."

"Just be patient!" Luna replied, as Discord sighed.

"Remember, I have a tea party to attend!"

"We will!" Luna replied, as she smiled and looked through the shrubbery. Not even at a moment's notice, a slender white figure appears on the cobblestone path, who is none other than Princess Celestia.

"Luna? Luna!" she said, as she walked along. "I need to have a discussion with you!" However, Celestia came to notice the draconequus sitting down. "Discord." He, also noticing the white alicorn, slightly smirked.

"Hello, Celestia." She proceeded to sit down directly in front of him.

"Been a while since we've last seen each other, hasn't it?"

"Well, true. True."

"By the way, have you seen Princess Luna anywhere? I need to have a have a talk with her immediately."

"Oh, Luna, you say? Er... " Discord looked at the bush, where the said princess can be seen making a gesture of cutting her throat. "I haven't seen her all day."

"That's a shame. I was hoping I could get a message across to her too. Perhaps... you can help me?"

"Help? Well, about that... not too sure I can really do so."

"Why?" At a snap of his fingers, humongous glasses appeared over Discord's eyes.

"I have terrible eyesight! Oh, those thousands and thousands of years not doing well for old Discord over here!" Princess Celestia giggled.

"Those look ridiculous!"

"Hey, they suit me!" Discord then stuck his tongue out, as the princess continued to laugh. Meanwhile, the Princess Luna grinned excitedly.

"It's working!" she whispered as Cadence rolled her eyes.

"Don't count on that. Love is a particular feeling that can be weird," she replied, as Luna glared at her.

"Don't ruin my moment!"

Many many minutes later, the alicorn and the draconequus chatted, chatted, and chatted. Discord joked, Celestia laughed and made a witty comment. They would even discuss the current events that they were having. But eventually, their conversation had to end, as the princess got up from her seat.

"Well, it's best I would be on my way now. I really need to find Luna." However, that pony in particular was not having it, for she was shaking the Cadence as quickly as she could.

"No! She's getting away! Quick, do something!" Luna whisper-screamed.

"What do you want me to do?!"

"You're the Princess of Love! Use your spells!"

"You know I really don't like doing that anymore!"

"But you have to anyway!"

"Okay, okay, fine!" Then, Princess Cadence's pink horn started to glow a light blue aura, and two halves of a heart appeared. They eventually did make their way to the middle of where both Celestia and Discord stood, and combined, creating a small flash of pink as well.The result was a smiling Celestia who returned to her seat.

“On second thought, I think I'll stay a bit longer,” she said, as Discord smiled as well.

“Yes, that would be wonderful, actually!” he said. “Because I can't take my eyes off you.” Princess Celestia giggled once more.

“Oh Discord, you are quite the charmer! Have I… ever told you how dashing you actually are?”

“Not that I heard of.” Multiple sets of ears appeared on top of his own ears. “I'm all ears.” The solar princess smiled.

“Ever since you came to our side, I knew that there will be a lot of good in you.”

“Celestia... have you forgotten about what had happened with Tirek?”

“Oh, no. I haven't.”

“I knew it was the wrong thing to do once I was foolishly defeated and betrayed.” Discord hung his head low, but then Celestia decided to put a hoof over his claw.

“Everypony knows what you did was in fact, not the best choice. But, you know what I knew? I was confident that you would still be on Equestria’s side regardless.” There was a pause, and the princess leaned in. “And I was right.”

Luna in the meantime was trying not to burst with joy as she mildly squealed and danced. Now, it was Discord’s turn to hold her hoof with a claw and gently made it rise.

“Has anypony ever told you how beautiful you really are? Be honest.” Celestia blushed.

“Oh, thousands of times. But, this is a time in which I'll definitely remember.” With each and every moment passing by, the two of them inched closer and closer to each other. Luna continued to internally screaming with joy as Cadence did smile too at what she had done.

“All those years. I’d truly never thought I would make it this far, especially because of all those hardships we faced… and those wars.”

“All is forgiven, Discord. I have revealed your true self. A caring draconequus who does have a big heart.”

“Oh, but you saw the monster I was, didn't you? Causing destruction?”

“Yes, the monster you were. I've come to realize that the only way I'll face destruction- is if I'm not with you.” Discord’s eyes widened for a moment, and his face started to turn a tomato red.

“I… I think…” Then, they both spoke in unison, as they gazed into each other’s eyes, and held their appendages. Celestia and Discord got closer, and closer, and closer, until eventually they were enveloped in their warmness in a passionate kiss, with each holding one other as tightly as they could. They made sure to embrace the moment as much as they can, until they both broke it up themselves, gazed into each other’s eyes, and spoke in unison.

“... I think I've fallen for you.” Celestia and Discord gasped, but then beamed warmly at one another, as they wrapped each other in their arms.

“... Celestia?” The draconequus asked.

“Yes?”

“Will you… will you be my very special somepony?”

“Oh Discord. Sweet, sweet, Discord, yes!” The princess proceeded to get out of her chair and wrap both of her forelegs around him, as he responded back by returning the affection. “I'll love you to the sun and back!”

“I'll love you for all of eternity, for all of those milleniums to come.”

At this point, Princess Luna couldn't hold it back anymore. On her hind legs, she stood up, and shouted as loud as she could have.

“Oh my gosh! Yes! So. Much. Yes! I can't even take it!” Cadence, however, shouted in response.

“Luna! What the heck are you doing?!” The princess of the night realized what has done, and immediately stared blankly at her sister and former enemy. They both stared blankly back, blinked, and Celestia pushed Discord away gently, as he blinked too.

“My tea party!” He said, made a bouquet appear in front of him with a snap, and disappeared out of the blue, as the solar princess stomped over to her sister.

“I was not here!” Princess Cadence declared, as she too disappeared in the flash of a blue light. Now, all that left were the two royal sisters. One was very frightened, while one was red as can be.

“Luna.” Celestia said sternly, as the night princess cowered under her wings.

“I only wanted to make you happy!”

“That's very nice of you, but I would have appreciated it if you would just listen to me!”

“Wha-What is it that you mean?”

“I was not sad that I didn't have a significant other!”

“Okay, fine! Then what is it?”

“It's that stupid diet you put me on days ago! What, you wanted me to die or something?!”