Caffeinated

by bonamb

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Comedy
Length: 1291

Luna samples a culinary delight, discovered in her absence. Its name is... coffee?

Luna samples a culinary delight, discovered in her absence. Issues are addressed and secrets are unearthed because of this marvellous beverage.

Its name is... coffee?

Published 2016-02-05 20:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-05 20:20:02 UTC

Lunacy

"Celestia! This wondrous beverage known as 'coffee' is most exciting! It sets our hooves atingling and our ears aflame!"

The aforementioned celestial alicorn looked up from her desk to where her sister, Princess Luna, ruler of the night sky, guardian of fertility, Regina Obscurum and several millennia year old alicorn was standing after breaking down her door, complete with a smouldering mane and an insane grin. Dropping her head into the worn groove in her desk she sighed, then looked back at her sister.

"I did suggest that you should stick with tea Luna"

"BLEAGH! We found the chef's culinary skills in that foul fluid's preparation lacking!"

"But that was the tea I ma-"

"LACKING I TELL YOU." Jittering a bit, Luna twitched her head to stare out of the window "We asked thine student, the scholar of the Sparkle to brew us a cup of this delightful drink. She was most happy to acquiesce!"

Celestia raised an eyebrow. "And how many cups, exactly did she make you?"

Eyes flicking back to her Luna giggled "We have no idea! We lost count after the thirty seventh."

Celestia looked down at her desk again. Yes, that groove would be seeing quite a bit of usage today.

"Well Luna" she said, raising her head "I suppose someth-"

Luna was gone.

Oh for Faust's sake.

Where could she have gone? What would she do?

From down the hall came the sound of inane giggling and clanking. Ah.

Cantering in a stately manner out of her ruined door and down the hallway she followed the noise. Rounding the corner, only hard won experience from millennia of ruling a nation and even longer of her sister allowed her to keep a reasonably straight face. Somehow, Luna had managed to hogtie a pair of guards together after divesting them of their armour, and tying them to the chandelier, where from they hung like a couple of very sorry looking baubles. Drawing her eyes from the sight Celestia looked down towards the end of the corridor, only to see the back end of a cackling, jangling, golden mass disappear round the corner.

Pursing her lips, the ruler of Equestria picked up the pace and hurried after her sister, who seemed once again to be caught within the throes of madness. For the third time this week.

Still following the noise she encountered other pairs of guards who had been at ease in front of various entrances. All were tied to the ceiling, or other surfaces, and all were lacking in protective gear. For whatever reason, the few night guard that were still on shift were safe within their armour, the only clue of Luna's passing being the mildly resigned look on their otherwise blank faces.

Now concerned, Celestia upped the pace again to a gallop, flying past nobles and guards alike in pursuit of her wayward sister. Lanterns guttering in her wake, she skidded round the corner and into the doorway of the throne room and this time, her jaw did drop.

Somehow, Luna, after collecting what seemed like the majority of the castle armoury, had deigned to steal the throne and then after placing it on top of the pile of armour, to lounge there, grinning a Cheshire grin.

"What"

"GREETINGS dearest sister of mine! We hath found a marvellous use for the tinfoil that is known as solar plate!"

"Luna." Celestia rubbed the base of her horn "You stripped all my guards of their armour."

"And is not nudity the more prevalent attitude in this society of ours Celestia?! Thine guards should fit in with the norm as to not scare the peasants!" She gestured a forehoof and sent a mail shirt through a window "Tis only sensible".

"No Luna I meant - oh nevermind." She let out a long breath before trying again "Luna. You are currently sitting on my seat, which seems to be upon an absolute fortune of solar armour. Would you mind explaining yourself, as I am sure the simulative effects of caffeine only removes inhabitations, not adds new ideas... Luna are you listening to me?"

Luna yanked her head out of the armour pile, a belt hanging around her horn and a sword in her mouth. "Parfton?"

"Why."

The venerable princess of the night considered the question for a moment before her eyes widened in realization. Then, rising up, she made several indignant spluttering sounds around the sword before finally spitting it out. "WHY CELESTIA? THOU ASKETH US A QUESTION THAT EVEN THE SIMPLEST OF FOALS AND MOST LIKELY DISCORD WOULD HAVE NO TROUBLE ANSWERING." She skittered to the edge of the pile and raised a forehoof in preparation for speaking. "FIRSTLY, SISTER MINE, WE FEEL THAT THE LUNAR GUARDS ARE UNDEREQUIPPED IN COMPARISON TO THINE SOLAR SOLDIERS"

"Luna, we've been over this. Its just because the lunar guards have their own internal blacksmithery while the solar do not. It was your tradition!"

"SECONDL-" Attempting to walk forward, Luna was cut off by gravity exerting its cruel hold, causing her to fall face first into the armour and slide down to Celestia's hooves. Struggling back upright, she continued her tirade into Celestia's chin. "Secondly dear sister, WE WISH FOR A THRONE OF OUR OWN!"

Blinking and taking a few steps back Celestia protected herself from the impact of The Royal Caffeinated Voice up close. Opening her eyes she squinted down at her sister.

"A throne. Luna. For the last time. This is a diarchy. We rule together."

"Not so sister dearest! What is that mine eye spieth unpon yonder gaudy pile?"

Celestia rolled her eyes. "A hayburger"

"TIS A THRONE. And a sore sight on mine eyes at that! It is an object belonging to you, of which I do not own a counterpart as I should do, as is my right as a ruling prince!"

"Princess."

"Tis what I said!" Luna rose upon her hind hooves and gesticulated wildly "And the very fact is an insult to my very being! An insult that I shall no longer stand for! Tis TREASONOUS. GUAR-" Her mouth snapped shut due to the golden glow now surrounding it.

Celestia hung her head and sighed, wishing she had her desk with its all too comfortable groove. "Luna."

The blue alicorn made a few muffled sounds, unable to get her words past the magic encircling her mouth.

Releasing the spell, Celestia stepped back again. "Luna. Do you remember the wing of the palace that is being built because of this exact complaint, of which you have made no less than three hundred and forty six times before. Because I do. As a matter of fact, the throne room should have been completed yesterday."

"A THRONE?! TIA WHY DIDST THOU NOT TELL ME OF THIS WONDROUS GIFT?"

Raising a defeated eyebrow and sighing again Celestia grumbled into the floor. "Other than the three hundered and forty five times I did not counting just now, I have no idea."

"COME SISTER! LET US GO SEE THIS MARVEL OF THE NIGHT" Tottering past Celestia she started towards the door, leaving her sister still staring at the disaster scene.

"Oh, Luna, you should probably wait until the coffee wears off, at least before you- "

THUD

Celestia turned to see her sister splayed on the floor, hind hooves twitching at odd angles in the air.

"crash..."

Author's Note

Considering doing a few chapters for the other princesses.
It may be amusing.

Please comment, like, subscribe, favourite, sacrifice a fluttershy to the dark lord disc- and follow!

Criticism is also appreciated so that I may write gooder and not misplace so many vowels.
Thank for reading my word vomit.

I seem to like disasters. No idea why.