The coffee tasted especially bitter in her mouth that morning.
Octavia always liked it black; the strongest she could make it. She needed every ounce of caffeine she could muster to get through her long days at the recital hall practicing with the rest of the Royal Canterlot Orchestra. Playing the cello was her passion; the very source of her life energy. Since she was only eleven she had dreamed of nothing but playing in front of thousands of worshipping eyes. She spent hours every day making sure she was the best of the best. She hadn’t skipped a day’s practice since she’d started all those years ago.
But today she wasn’t sure she was going to go in.
A knot was tightening in her stomach. She’d hoped the coffee would help soothe it, but it wasn’t working. If anything, the murky liquid only served to leave her jittery. And it was all because of… those.
She couldn’t bear to look at them again. The tell-tale scrap of cloth she’d found in-between the sheets of her bed that morning. When she saw them and realized what they were –what they meant– it felt like glass had shattered inside of her. Thousands of razor shards flooded through her veins, stabbing and prodding and cutting her insides until she couldn’t breathe.
But then she did. She took a breath, and another, and finally she accepted what she’d discovered. She forced herself to get out of bed and go about her morning routine as normal. She showered, washed her hair, even put a little more effort into her makeup. Looking in the mirror, she felt she actually looked pretty good.
No, pretty hot. She was definitely hot.
Once she was done, however, she was left with nothing to distract her from what waited in her bedroom. For a brief moment she considered ignoring them. She thought about shoving the offending thing in her girlfriend’s face as soon as she got home from work. She also thought about throwing them in the trash and forgetting she ever found them.
In the end, however, she ran them through the washer and drier. When they were finished, she laid them out on the kitchen table, where she sat to drink her coffee and ponder what to do next. Not before washing her hands, though. It had taken her nearly twenty minutes to scrub away the dirty feeling.
It was funny after she thought about it. All that fuss over a single pair of panties. They were skimpy, lacy things; nothing at all like what she would wear. Nor her girlfriend for that matter.
Was that the sort of thing Vinyl liked? Did she want her to wear that kind of stuff? Would that have made her happy? Was that why she…
Why she needed to find someone else?
Octavia coughed to loosen the lump forming in her throat as she wiped her eyes. She wouldn’t cry. Not over this. She would face it with grace and dignity.
It was with that thought that the front door of her apartment opened. The familiar buzz of music playing far too loudly through headphones came from the living room as heavy boots tromped across the floor. Octavia swiped the panties off the table with only a moment to spare before her girlfriend burst into the kitchen. She hid them in her pocket while Vinyl busied herself pouring a mug of coffee.
“Thanks for making a pot, babe. How’d you sleep?” she asked, her voice as cocksure and jovial as ever.
“Morning, Vinyl,” Octavia replied as casually as she could through the bile building in her throat. Just looking at Vinyl, knowing what she now knew, tore at her stomach. “I slept well. How was work?”
“Awesome! We had a massive turnout and made a killing on admissions!” Vinyl barked, stirring in three times as much sugar as was healthy as she dropped into the chair across the table. Under the table, a heavy boot attempted to rub her leg in what Octavia thought was a sensual manner as Vinyl winked. “But guess who’s looking forward to not working tonight? I’ve got such plans for you. You’re gonna love it; there’s massage oil and incense and all that shit involved.”
Octavia gave a wane smile. “That sounds lovely, Vinyl.” The words made her feel nauseous.
Vinyl’s eager look faltered. “Everything okay, Tavi?”
Octavia tried to shake the thoughts from her head as she stood and went to dump the rest of her coffee in the sink. She wasn’t sure she could keep the rest down even if she’d wanted to try. “Everything’s fine. I’m just not off to a great start this morning–“
That’s an understatement.
“–and I’m not really looking forward to work–”
Are you even going? What’s the point?
“–but your plans sound great! I’m looking forward to it.”
She’s only doing so much to please you because she feels guilty.
The thoughts were silenced when a pair of lips kissed her cheek. The skin they touched burned like acid even after Vinyl pulled away, though Octavia couldn’t help but lean back against her girlfriend’s chest. Vinyl’s hands massaged her shoulders. She knew exactly how to get her to relax, and for just a moment, just a single moment, Octavia wanted to believe that everything was fine. She’d give anything to go back to yesterday.
“Just you wait, Tavi,” Vinyl whispered in her ear. “You’re in for the night of your life. Love ya, babe.”
Vinyl kissed her again before withdrawing and walking away. She was halfway to the door before words came unbidden to Octavia’s lips.
“Did you say that to her, too?”
“What was that?” Vinyl asked. Octavia turned to see her wearing her normal carefree smile, completely oblivious to what she knew. Her world hadn’t collapsed around her. Everything she took for granted wasn’t a lie. She was as happy as Octavia wished she could be.
Octavia’s hand went to her pocket, feeling the weight of the secret hidden within. One moment passed; then another. Vinyl’s smile fell again and her brow wrinkled in worry.
“You sure you’re okay, Tavi?” she asked, the worry evident in her tone. Octavia wondered if she was worried for her sake or over whether she’d been found out.
Was that how it was going to be? Constant fear that she knew? Wondering every night if Vinyl was finding herself in someone else’s arms?
It was too heavy. The shards of Octavia’s broken world were piling onto her shoulders, threatening to make her collapse under their combined weight.
Her hand fell to her side in defeat. She gave her girlfriend a small smile, assuaging her fears and bringing the cheer back to her face even as all of her own faded away. “No, everything’s fine, Vinyl. I love you, too.”
Author's Note
Written while listening to Sam Smith's "I'm Not the Only One."
