You Are Corporal Punishment!

by LightningSword

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Princess Celestia, Human, Anthology, Porn, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Fetish, Other, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 20124

There was no justice in Equestria . . . until you came along! Those ponies better watch their plots . . . .

Too many ponies in Equestria have committed terrible crimes and gotten away with it. The problem has become so bad that Princess Twilight has turned to the only creature in Equestria capable of delivering the swift, righteous, stinging judgment these naughty ponies need:

You!

You are Corporal Punishment, the only human in Equestria, and you have the tools necessary to put all the criminals, delinquents, schemers, traitors, terrorists and lawbreakers in their places. Armed with a thick wooden paddle, a rawhide whip, a collapsible cane, and a bad attitude, it is your sworn duty to find every bad pony in Equestria and deliver a harsh, brutal spanking to each and every one for their crimes!

This is a massive collaboration effort in celebration of my 700 followers. Not meant to be taken seriously. Full of completely tongue-in-cheek humor and crazy moments, and may contain crackfic-style situations, continuity in only its loosest possible definition, and some kinky moments where discipline and punishment should be. Each author will be credited in the title of his/her respective chapter. Character tags to be added as more chapters are posted.

If you wish to add a chapter of your own, see THIS GROUP for details. :pinkiehappy:

Published 2016-02-14 22:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2018-10-06 04:49:13 UTC

You Spank Twilight Sparkle for the Mare Do Well Incident (by Golden Flare)

After returning home from your difficult job of punishing Starlight Glimmer, you retire onto your couch for a spell, watching a little bit of TV before you have to do what you've been looking forward to do today. Three hours of “Friendship is Magic” on the old boob-tube later, you turn it off and stand up, heading in the direction of the basement. The doorknob to it was replaced with a passcode lock knob you got from the hardware store—you did so because of a “special occasion”.

You punch in the code and hear the lock click open, and you take that as your cue to open the door and enter and go down the steps. Once on the stone floor of your basement, you turn your head to the light switch on the wall and flick it up, turning on the lights. After you did, you turn to see the subject that is the main point of your day and furrow your brow—Twilight Sparkle.

She is strapped down to an old table by rusty, old chains, an empty bowl that was once filled with oats in front of her muzzle, a potato stuck on her horn. Ever hear of hooking a potato to a clock? Well, apparently, the electrical currents a potato gives off cancels out unicorn magic. Who knew? Her wings are bound by newer, cleaner chains; you wouldn't want those beautiful wings to get dirty, now would you?

How you got her was no normal occurrence; a multi-dimensional portal opened up in your backyard yesterday and Twilight herself stepped out of it and simply passed out, most likely due to magical exhaustion. You suddenly remembered all of the episodes she was in, especially the “Mare-Do-Well” episode. You knew this was an opportunity you couldn't pass up, so you snatched her up while she was unconscious and took her into your basement to tie her down.

“Miss Sparkle,” you say in a neutral tone, “enjoy your breakfast while I was gone?”

“Why are you doing this?” Twilight timidly asks.

“Straight to the point. I respect that.” You clear your throat and recollect your thoughts. “You are aware that you are one-quarter of the superhero, Mare-Do-Well, are you not?”

“Y-Yes, but if I may…?”

“Speak your mind.”

“How did you know that?”

“In this world, your life in Equestria is on television, entertainment for people. I've seen all of your adventures, yet…the one that really irked me was your little Mare-Do-Well escapade. You could've handled the situation better, you could've talked to her! But, you didn't. Now…” you walk over to your bench and pick up a frying pan you had prepped for this, “...you must be punished.”

“What? All this just for Mare-Do-Well?!”

“If you saw how miserable Rainbow Dash was, you'd understand why I'm doing this. Maybe I'll show you after we’re done here.”

“W-What are going to do with that?”

“Twilight Sparkle,” you speak in an authoritative voice, “I'm going to spank you until your flank is as red as Roseluck’s mane.”

You go to stand behind her, ignoring her cries of protest as you pull up on her tail and lift her butt into the air, and get ready to tan her hide.

SMACK!

“Oww!”

SMACK!

“That hurts!”

SMACK!

“Please stop!”

SMACK!

“Ahh!”

SMACK!

Twilight has given up talking and starts to cry from the pain as you continue whaling on her, not stopping until you feel satisfied. After a good half hour of spanking, you decide that she's had enough; you set the frying pan back on the bench, walk around to face the whimpering mare, and kneel down in front of her.

“Now...are you listening?”

She meekly nods.

“When you return home, what I want you to do, is gather your friends together and apologize to Rainbow Dash for the Mare-Do-Well incident, all right?”

She nods again.

“Good. Now…” You raise your hands to both sides of her face. “I'm sorry I had to do that, but I had some frustrations to vent, and I thank you for cooperating. I'm gonna loosen your chains and let you go, I can get you some ice for your flank and we can chat for a bit. Or you can blast me and fly away, the choice is yours.”

You unlock the chains, take the potato off her horn, and clean it off. Twilight stands up and hops off the table, cringing as she still felt the pain from your punishment. She walks up to you and speaks in a calm voice.

“Can you get me some ice?”

You smile, glad she doesn't hold any resentment towards you. “Sure.”

“Also...could you show me this ‘Mare-Do-Well episode’? I want to see what you mean when you said that we made Rainbow miserable.”

“Okay, then.”

You two walk up the stairs and to the kitchen for an ice pack, neither of you knowing that this day was the beginning of a fresh start and a new friendship.

The End

You Spank Sunset Shimmer for Becoming a Raging She-Demon (by Jmaster99)

You walk up to the castle that belonged to Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship and former student of Princess Celestia. You can't help but look in awe at how impressive it looked. You always thought that the Royal Sisters had a nice castle, and that the Crystal Kingdom looked amazing, but this just blows you away.

You stop at the big, yet pleasant-looking door before knocking. You heard a faint, but friendly voice respond: "I'll be right there."

After waiting for some time, the door opens and you are greeted by none other than Princess Twilight.

"Yes?” she asks with a vivid blush. “H-how may I help you?" No doubt she remembers you from… an earlier transgression of hers….

"Hi. I was sent to help you clean your library by…." You can't even finish your sentence as you are encased in a magical aura and yanked into the castle.

Reminds me of that one time when I just started working….

"Perfect. Why don't I show it to you right now?"

"That sounds wonderful," you reply. Twilight proceeds to show you the Library, which is a lot bigger than you thought it would be.

What catches your eye isn't any book, but some weird device with a book in it, hooked up to a mirror. "What is that?"

Twilight looks at you before following your line of sight, and lets a small chuckle.

"That? That's just a magical mirror that leads to an alternate world that contains humans." That last word confused you.

"Humans like me?" You are more curious than confused.

"Why don't I show you?"

After what feels like one of the longest lectures ever, you finally understand what this world is. You think that it’s weird, but you understand. As she walks away, the book starts glowing and vibrating. Twilight brings the book down to open it and write something in it.

"What are you doing?"

Not looking up, Twilight answers your question while stopping you in your tracks at the same time. "Writing to my friend Sunset Shimmer."

Sunset Shimmer? That can't be. She...

"Sunset Shimmer."

"Yep. My friend."

"Sunset Shimmer."

"Um... yeah. That is who I am writing to right now."

"Sunset Shimmer."

"Why do you keep saying her na..." Twilight stops when she sees your shocked face.

"I know her, or rather, I’ve met her. She was more stubborn than a mule. She was terribly rude. She treated everyone else like they were lower than dirt because they weren't her. Trixie is more pleasant to be around. How can someone like you be friends with someone like her?"

"Well, I am a rather forgiving, and she needed the friends. She felt awful for what she had done to me and some of my friends." Much to her surprise, you look at her with a rather curious face rather than an angry one.

"What did she do?" Twilight starts shuffling her hooves in response, avoiding eye contact.

"None of that matters right now. She felt terrible after..." You put your hand in front of her mouth. You didn't mind that she was a princess, and you even respected what she had done with most of her former enemies in making them her friends rather than punishing them with jail time, but you wanted an answer.

"What did she do?" She let out a deep breath and looked at the floor.

"She stole my Element of Harmony, used it to turn into a she-demon and hypnotize an entire school, and tried to kill me and the human versions of my friends."

You bring your hand up to your head as you try to register everything she just said. Eventually, you bring your hand down and look at her.

"The only reason she stole it was because she felt that she deserved it, and she was upset when Celestia didn't make her an Alicorn and..."

You bring your hand up to stop her again.

"So she basically threw a temper tantrum like a filly does when her parents don't get her the toy or candy she wants, right?" She nodded her head right before her book vibrated again. "Well, I am glad that she is acting so much better, but she needs to punished. If she is going to act like a filly misbehaving, she is going to be treated like a filly misbehaving. She needs to be spanked."

"Right now?" You just nod as Twilight thinks about what to do. "Alright, but don't overdo it."

"I won't overdo it. She’ll still be able to sit down."

"All right. Here goes." Twilight starts writing in the book with a nervous look on her face, and you really can't blame her. You, a being whom she has had the displeasure of experiencing before, showed up originally meaning to help clean her library, and now you are planning on going to go to an alternate universe to spank Sunset Shimmer for her actions. You do feel somewhat bad, but you know that this has to be done.

"And done,” says Twilight, putting the book down. “She knows you are coming, but I decided not to tell her what you were going to do. I just hope that she doesn't get too mad."

"She shouldn't, I hope." You look at the mirror as you walk up to it. "So what do I...?"

"Oh. Right." She realizes that something is off. She grabs the book with her magic and levitates it up to the little stand it was on before. Doing this causes a light that gives the glass a rippling effect. "Now you just walk through and do what you need to do."

"Thank you." You wave good bye as you walk through the mirror into the world of Canterlot High School. Looking around, you see a girl with her back to you, with some familiar looking colors, that appears to be waiting for something. "Excuse me. Sunset Shimmer?"

She turns towards you with a small amount of happiness in her face, as if she was seeing a long lost friend. You start feeling bad; she looks so happy, and you’re here to spank her. But personally you know that this needs to happen.

"Are you the one Twilight told me was going to come?" Sunset asks as she approaches.

"Yes. I am. It is actually nice to see you again."

She looks a bit shocked to hear that. "We've met before?"

You let out a small cough. "Yeah. I was young when we first met. I went to clean your room when you were still Celestia's student."

She seems to be lost in thought for a while before her memories start coming back. "Oh. I remember you now. I am so sorry about back then. I was completely different and..." You brought up your hand and stopped her before things derailed any further.

"It's alright. That actually isn't why I am here. I am here for something else." She looks surprised to hear that. "I am here because I heard from Princess Twilight about you stealing her Element of Harmony and how you acted when you put it on. Quite frankly, you acted like a spoiled filly, and what happens when fillies misbehave around their parents?"

"They get spa... you can't be serious! You are going to spank me?! This is ridiculous. Twilight would never—"

"She is actually okay with this. You were like a spoiled brat that didn't get what you wanted. You need to be punished."

"I felt terrible. That has to count for something... right?" You shake your head at that response.

"No. It doesn't. I am glad that you are a better individual and are nicer all around, but you hypnotized an entire school and tried to kill Princess Twilight and her human friends. What was your punishment? The school disliking you for what you did? That’s just drama. It’ll always be there. You never got punished the right way. It seems that if you had been spanked when you were younger, none of this would've happened."

She winces at your words. You’re right, and she knows it. "Alright. If Twilight feels this needs to happen, then you can spank me. Just... don't be too rough, okay?"

"Okay. Now do you know of a secluded place where we can do this?" She brings her finger up to her chin and thinks for a brief second before an idea pops into her head. She starts walking towards a secluded part of the building in front of you two when she waves towards you.

Alright. Here goes nothing….

After entering a small, empty locker room, you sit in a chair as you hear Sunset shuffling behind. You didn't blame her for being nervous. After all, she was dealing with someone who claimed that she deserved to get spanked for what she had done, and it wasn't even someone she knew entirely. You start turning your head backwards when she shouts at you.

"Don't look!! I’m still getting ready!!"

You turn back around, feeling slightly embarrassed at the thought of almost catching a peek.

"Listen. If you..." Your words feel dead in your throat. You looked at Sunset as she walked in front of you. She had removed her jacket and replaced her pants with some tight elastic material. She looked heavenly in your eyes. You watched her as she bent over and rested her stomach on your lap with her butt straight up in the air. "Guess we should start now."

You raise your hand up in the air and bring it back down with a decent amount of force. The smack sounded through the air as she tried to stop herself from letting out a gasp. You repeated this with a little bit more force each time until she started making a squealing like sound after each smack.

This isn't that bad. At least she will learn her lesson. After all she….

"Ahh…."

...just moaned. Wait? What? She’s... enjoying this?

Coming out of thought, you notice she’s making more noises than you thought could be made. With each smack, her legs would have a little spasm as your hand comes down each time. What shocks you the most isn't her reaction, but yours. You were enjoying it, as well. Perhaps a little too much.

You stop with one final spank, probably a bit too hard, but it had to end. You finally notice that you’re breathing as hard as Sunset. All you need now is for her to get up and you could end this. "Excuse me, Sunset, but I need for you to..."

Your sentence is cut off by Sunset pushing her lips into yours for a kiss. A passionate kiss. After your initial shock wears off, you wrap your arms around her and bring her in closer. She starts getting more hands-on when you break the kiss.

"Sunset, wait." Trying to keep your focus as she was kissing you all over proved to be tougher than you thought. "I don't know what to do. I’m not sure..." She brought her hand up to your face as she leaned in and whispered:

"Relax and follow my lead. I got an ‘A’ in anatomy."

You Spank Derpy Hooves for Ruining Cranky and Matilda's Wedding (by Zyrah)

A storm is rolling in over the homey town of Ponyville. You watch as the clouds become darker and the pegasi rush to fill in every hole in the fluffy blanket. A swing set flies by your office window, making its way downtown.

You begin to wonder if starting a business to let the naughty ponies come to you was a good idea. You grunt as you shift positions in your seat and say, “Business sure is slow. I guess there is nopony that is in a dire need of a good ass-slappin' today.”

You gaze at the ceiling, just waiting for that moment that somepony sends you an Iris message with instructions and payment.

Which is apparently right now. You walk over to the little bird bath next to the wall and throw in a gold bit and wait for the mist to shimmer into whatever is on the other side.

When you see the pony...er, donkey, you quote the signature response to an Iris message, “Captain Slappy's Ass-Slappin' Emporium, where if you need a good slappin', call the cap’n! What can I assist you with today?” You briefly reflect on your sudden promotion from Corporal to Captain, but wave it off as the customer replies.

“Err...hi, I was uh, I was wondering if you do surprise delivery ass-slappings?” The donkey asks nervously, obviously the first time.

“We sure do, and we have many packages. Anything really catch your eye?” You ask as you hold up a restaurant-style menu so the donkey can see it through the message.

“Hmmm, that premium one looks good,” he says, leaning in to get a closer look.

“Ah, the Nobel Surprise. Excellent choice. It really keeps things fresh.”

“Yeah, I think I'll go with that one.”

“Alright, can I get your name please,” you ask as you grab a pen and paper for the order form.

“Cranky,” he says bluntly. You ignore his tone because he is about to make the only purchase you are going to get today.

“Alright Cranky, can you tell me who the recipient is?”

“A pony in Ponyville named Derpy Hooves.”

“And is there any special reason or are you just feeling generous, Mr. Cranky?”

“Well, she messed up my wedding invitations and I didn't notice it until they were already sent out.”

“Well, we can't just let that go unpunished, can we?” you ask him with a smile.

“Look, there is no need to make this anymore awkward than it is already. Just do what I'm paying you for and get it over with,” he says with a look of disgust. You however, are still very optimistic.

“Where's the fun in that?” you ask with another smile.

As the message shimmers and begins to dissolve back into the water, you hear Cranky say, “Filthy humans….”

That is none of your concern though. You are about to get some bits.

The rain pours down around you as the sun dips below the horizon. You let out a yawn and take a look at your watch. It tells you it's about seven at night, which begs the question: how long does it take to complete a mail route?

You sigh but continue your stakeout of the home belonging to the mare in question. And would you look at that—the blonde-maned pegasus that you've been waiting two hours for is flying up to the door.

Now for the fun to begin.

As the gray mare steps inside, you sneak your way across the dimly lit neighborhood street and into the first bush outside of the house. A window sits right above you, and after looking around to make sure you were not spotted, you take a peek.

The mare takes her mail-mare's bag off, hangs it on the wall right inside the door, and continues on into another room which you presume to be the kitchen (due to the counter tops). After the last bit of her tail is out of sight, you sneak over to the door. With heart racing and adrenaline pumping, you open the unlocked door and step inside.

Sneaking through the living room, you hug the wall right next to the kitchen door. A shelf sits across from you with many different objects and pictures on it. You pick up a frame that has a picture of Derpy with what you assume to be her daughter and use it to bounce the reflection of the kitchen so you can see without poking your head around.

Derpy is standing there pouring a bowl of wheat grain. Now is the perfect opportunity. You swing the boat paddle that you had strapped to your back around and make sure you have a firm grip on it and you walk into the doorway.

Derpy immediately notices your presence and turns to face you. Her face is stricken with horror and confusion. “W-who are you? What do you w-want?”

You just smile as you step closer to the pegasus. Each step forward you take, she takes a step backwards until finally she hits the wall.

She asks again, the panic rising in her voice, “Who are y-you?”

“Don't worry about that,” you say nonchalantly while giving your wooden boat paddle a test swing. “The only thing you need to worry about, little pony, is that I'm about to tear that ass up like a bowl of chili.”

She whimpers and says, “I don't even know what that is.”

Without further warning, you turn her around and lay a nice, echoing smack with your instrument of ass destruction. A loud yelp escapes the gray mare, her back legs already quivering.
Trying to cover herself with her tail, you grab it up and hold it away. Then with your right hand you bring the paddle forward with another loud smack.

The mare freezes up this time, however, and without a sound. You bring the paddle down once again, making the mare jolt forward. This time a loud moan escapes her lips.

A look of confusion is etched on your face. Maybe you just didn't hear that right.

You bring the paddle down for a fourth time and when you get the same lustful moan that you got with the previous swing, you bring it down harder this time.

Smack!

The force of paddle on ass is loud enough to cause ringing in your ears but that moan still makes its way out of her muzzle.

You start slapping harder and faster, and with every smack you say, “You. Are. Not. Supposed. To. Like. This.” But with every slap you also hear Derpy moan in pleasure. On the word 'this' however, your paddle breaks. Her ass literally just shattered a wooden boat paddle.

Your mouth agape in shock, you just stare at her. She leans behind the wall and picks up an object in her mouth. When she turns around, you see the object as plain as day and now you are the one with the look of horror.

The object is a smaller paddle with holes drilled into it. You take a step backward and she takes a step forward. Around the paddle you hear her say, “My turn.”

You Spank Trixie for Never Restoring Pinkie's Mouth, and Twilight for Forgiving Her Too Easily (by The Castaway Pariah)

You check your map to see if you’re in the right place. That’s what the mare from the town just behind you told you, that this is where you would find Trixie Lulamoon.

Sure enough, in this vine-infested wilderness, you see a wagon. It’s painted majestically with the right selection of colors and minute details to create a pleasant effect in the observer’s eyes, and for a moment, you consider knocking on the door politely instead of breaking it down.

You shake your head and approach the door before you kick it, showing it no mercy. Sure enough, it falls right down. Inside, Trixie is revealed, staring at you in shock. Then she turns angry. “How dare you?!” she exclaims. “This is Trixie’s humble home!”

“Did you really just use ‘Trixie’ and ‘humble’ in the same sentence?” you ask. “Anyway, Miss Lulamoon, I’m quite unhappy with your behavior.”

“What behavior?” she asks. “Staying in her humble home not harming anypony?”

“You remember the Alicorn Amulet incident?”

She rolls her eyes. “Nopony will shut up about it! But Trixie learnt her lesson, everything was fine in the end!”

“Everything?” You extend your word to be quite long as you raise your eyebrow.

“What are you getting at?”

“Tell me, do you remember a certain pink pony?”

“A certain pink pony?” she asks incredulously. “This damn country has tons of pink ponies! Green ponies, blue ponies, yellow ponies, how the hay should Trixie have a particular one in mind?!”

“I meant a certain one whose mouth you took away.”

“Oh, yes, that’s right,” said Trixie, looking down at the floor a bit.

“You said you felt bad about the way you treated Twilight and friends. You do remember that, don’t you?!” you continue.

“How do you KNOW all this?!” she demands. “H-have you seen Trixie taking showers?!”

“That’s besides the point. It’s time for retribution!”

You quickly tie a rope around her horn to prevent her from using magic, then turn her around...

...and bring your hand down to deliver a swift, firm swat to her hindquarters.

“Ow!” she yelps. “Have you no respect for a mare’s personal autonomy?!”

You look around the room. Sure, it feels… good… to do the spanking with your bare hands… but there’s a whip she used for her wagon when it was being pulled by Snips and Snails, her two mindless followers. Trixie sees you notice it and gets very nervous.

But do you pick it up and use it? No. You pick up a rather flat rock.

Trixie begins to splutter. “A-a rock?! NO!” she cries. “Have you any idea where I had to work after the incident with the Ursa Minor?!”

“Oh, of course,” you reply with a smirk. “And that’s precisely why I’m using this.”

You bring the rock down quickly and deliver another whack to her backside. She yelps out in pain as she feels the impact, as well as the sting it leaves. You wait a few moments before dishing out another lash, so as not to let the previous sting soften the blow of the new one.

“NO! How can you do this to the Great and Powerful Trixie?!” she screams, failing to hide the tears in her eyes, from both the pain and the humiliation.

This only serves to make you smile, smile, smile. And fill your heart up with sunshine, sunshine. More and more hits you dispense onto Trixie’s formerly great and powerful flank.

“YOU—” Whack! “DIDN’T—” Whack! “GIVE—” Whack! “PIN—” Whack! “KA—” Whack! “ME—” Whack! “NA—” Whack! “DI—” Whack! “ANE—” Whack! “PIE—” Whack! “HER—” Whack! “MOUTH—” Whack! “BACK!” Whack! “…Did…” Lighter hit. “…you…” Lighter whack. “...naughty filly?”

Trixie is now looking suitably punished—and so is her rear, a bright shade of red.

You crack an egg onto Trixie’s flank. The spanking has made it so red and warm, that the egg cooks.

“Justice…” You hold up the egg on a plate. “…is served.”

Next stop: the castle in Ponyville. Oh, if only you could get into a Dragon Ball Z fight and get an entire castle—made completely of crystal (a despicable use of resources)—free of charge. Even though the energy bills for a building like that must be through the roof… okay, maybe not such a good idea after all.

You let yourself in and walk down the daunting hallways that have succeeded in getting you lost before. This time, you have come prepared. You unfold your map and follow it to where it tells you to go. On the way, you get rather annoyed by the song it sings about how “I’m the map! :D” and screw it up and throw it into a nearby crystal trash can.

You enter the main room, where the Mane Six have their meetings, and you see Twilight sitting at the table reading a book. For some reason, she has a wide grin spread across her face. You walk up to her, and she notices you. “Oh, hello,” she greets you quickly with a smile.

“Twilight, I have some… questions for you,” you begin.

“Sure, ask away,” she replies.

“If somepony mutilated your friend… would you forgive them?” you ask.

“What? Certainly not,” she replies firmly. “Although, when you take into account the many different contexts this scenario could take… there would surely be variations in my answer….”

“If the pony responsible was perfectly capable of easily undoing the mutilation, but they hadn’t… would you forgive them?” you continue.

“Heavens, no!” she replied. “If that were the case, they would have to use their ability to undo the damage if they wanted my forgiveness.”

“Oh really?” you ask. “That’s not what I heard.”

You whip out your phone and press a bookmark. You skip to where you want it, then show the screen to Twilight.

“Hey! You’re lucky a rock farm would take the likes of you!” comes Pinkie’s voice. Then there comes the sound of the mouse pointer clicking and dragging her muzzle away.

You then skip the video to the ending, where this dialogue happens:

“Trixie?”

“It was the least I could do. I treated you and your friends so horribly when I was wearing that Alicorn Amulet. I just couldn’t control myself. You can forgive me, can’t you?”

“Hmmm. Sure.”

After Trixie makes her ridiculous contradictory speech, she runs off, and the screen starts to disappear… but Pinkie makes it stop to reveal her missing mouth.

“So… you forgave Trixie, did you?” you ask.

Twilight is just staring blankly at the device you hold in your hands, because A: you just showed her a little “flub” from her past, B: she doesn’t know how this could have been captured, and C: she has no idea what your phone is.

You quickly tie a rope around her horn, before she can react, in order to prevent her doing anything with it but produce harmless sparks. Then you hold her while she struggles, and pick up the book from the table:

“One of the top endorsers of all things books, magic, and friendship, huh?” you say. “That… that is just an insult. You don’t deserve in the slightest to have that kind of recognition.”

“Um… er…” says Twilight.

“CHANDELIERS OF FATE SUCKS! I GOT BORED BY THE END OF THE SECOND CHAPTER! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO PUT IT ON A LIST OF TOP READS!” you roar. “Oh, and also, you don’t deserve to be known as a purveyor of friendship after the way you betrayed Pinkie Pie!”

As Twilight struggles in your grasp, you hold up the book of how “wonderful” Twilight supposedly is and, as you did earlier, swiftly bring it down onto her lavender butt and spank it. “Gah!” she cries from the impact. “Not again!”

“How dare you call yourself a good friend!” You hit her again. “Bad filly!” You deliver a further blow to the hindquarters.

You see her horn making a few sparkles as she attempts to do something to break free, but this is futile against you and your form of discipline. Another swat is given.

“No! Please, make it stop!” she squeals. “You already spanked me, remember? OW!”

But you don’t stop. You continue hitting her flank with the book all about her and what an awesome pony she seems. Oh, sweet, delicious irony….

It seems that you’re hungry and have a craving for pancakes with a helping of Irony sauce.

Anyway, back to business. You spank her another time, to which she yelps out.

You spot her flank. It is looking reasonably sore from the spankings you dealt out. You untie the rope from her horn and walk all the way over to the corner of the huge room before plopping her down. “You stay there and think about your behavior while you’re in time out, missy.”

She scoffs, sits there with her forelegs folded, and pouts.

After a while, you go back. “Have you learnt your lesson, Twily?” you ask.

“Yes…”

You smile. “Good. Come on, what do you say we go down to the café and get some pancakes?”

She looks up at you and smiles. “Sure.”

So the two of you go down to the café, and order generous helpings of pancakes so you can say the day ended on a good note.

After a night of eating pancakes. A waiter brings you the bill.

“Thanks for treating us to this,” says Twilight gratefully.

“Oh, no problem at all,” you reply. “Say, did you happen to bring your purse?”

You Spank Applejack for Not Dealing with the Flim-Flam Brothers Effectively (by Lethally Insane)

You sit quietly with a tub full of apples in front of two the the worst con artists in Equestria—Flim and Flam—in Sweet Apple Acres, no less. Jesus, even their names are crap, you think to yourself as you flick on some aviator sunglasses. Naturally it’s late evening and you have them tied up in chairs facing the setting sun. They keep whispering to each other in front of you, but honestly you don’t give a damn what they’re scheming about.

“So….” one of them says, you don’t remember which one had the mustache and which one didn’t, “uhm, whatever you name is—”

“Punishment, Captain Punishment.” You say blankly. You got to keep your new title, and that delights you a bit.

“We have a propo—” the clean shaven one says before you throw an apple in his face.

“Shut up,” you say calmly. “Now, do you know why you’re here?”

“Not real—” the moustached one speaks up before receiving an apple to the snout.

“What did I say, maggot?” you ask. “Don’t interrupt me again, or the next apple will be going up a different hole.”

They emit that annoying squeak and shut up.

“Good. Now, you are here to actually pay for your crimes against the peop—uh, the ponies of Equestria.”

“But we—” An apple to the face cuts Flam off.

“What. Did. I. Say?” you ask him, then continue. “Anyways, I know you reformed or whatever. That was some premium grade bull if I ever saw any. First, you take land from a working class family with a prospering business. You bourgeois pieces of filth, I can feel Karl Marx rolling in his grave. Then, you simply pack up and leave after you fail, only to become con artists? Are you kidding me? Then, after one of you gives Applejack something beneficial to the plot, you get off with a slap on the wrist? Where the hell is the justice system in all of this?”

“But sir,” Flam says, “we paid them all back.”

“You should have been in prison,” you say chucking an apple of righteousness in his face. “Now,” you say taking a bite of an apple, “it’s time for you to pay your dues.”

You drag their chairs and the tub of apples in front of a massive cannon. It’s pointed at a menacing forty-five degree angle towards the setting sun.

“I borrowed this piece from Pinkie,” you say matter of factly. "She calls it Jumbo. Say hi to Jumbo.”

“Hello,” they say meekly in front of it.

“Good,” you say before lifting Flam into its massive barrel. You reach into the tub and grab an apple, promptly hurling it at Flim. “That’s for not having facial hair.” You clap your hands.

You proceed to shove Flim in with his equally dastardly brother. Then you dump the rest of the apples in with them. “Now,” you say stepping back from the canon, “since you two are unicorns, I guess you haven’t experienced the joy of flight. Well, you maggots are about to.”

You fish around in your leather jacket for a small flask. Taking it out, you open it and press it to your lips, feeling the burn of the vodka in your throat. Withdrawing a match, you strike it. Then, you blow out across the match, the fumes of the alcohol catching flame. This in turn ignites the primer of the canon. As the wick burns into the canon you utter the most badass words to be uttered.

“Hasta la vista, baby,” you say.

A boom echoes across the orchards as the Flim Flam brothers are launched high into the sky. If you hadn't had your sunglasses on, a passing pony might have seen the liquid pride welling up in your eyes. Then, nopony but Pinkie herself comes to a stop next to you.

“So how was Jumbo?” she asks you. “Also, whatcha drinkin?”

“That was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen,” you say, then offer the flask. “Want some?”

“Sure thing!” she says grabbing the flask from you.

As Pinkie guzzles it with seemingly no effect, you ponder the problem you just solved. Why had the brothers become con artists again? Who could have stopped it? Then you realize who the one pony was who could have stopped the problem in the first place.

“I’ll be back,” you say to Pinkie as you begin marching to the barn.

You found Applejack in the yard, working on her hay stacking technique.

“Howdy, Captain,” she says, wiping the sweat from her brow. “What d’you reckon was that boom over yonder?”

“Nothing important,” you say. “Can I speak to you in the barn?”

“Sure thing,” she says, kicking the last bale of hay.

As she enters the barn you slowly shut the doors. Moving faster and more wraithlike than ever before, you bend her over your knee.

“What in tarnation are you doing?” she asks in surprise as she looks back at you.

“What should have been done long ago, naughty pony,” you say, smacking her flank and causing her to yelp in surprise. “You're the element of honesty,” SMACK! “and you don’t bother to set a pair of con artists straight?” SMACK!

“Please,” she whispers, as her flanks redden, “harder.”

“What?” you say smacking her again, “I couldn’t hear you.”

“Harder,” she moans, biting her lip.

“Jesus,” you say, pushing her off your knee and moving towards the door, “why does everypony enjoy this?”

“You ain’t gettin’ away that easy,” she says, grabbing a lasso.

You start for the exit, but the heavy doors move slowly. You feel the rope wrap around your legs, and you fall to the ground as it pulls you back to her.

“Done already? Then just let me take the reins for a bit,” she says, climbing on top of you.

“Oh f--- me!” you exclaim while trying to crawl away, fleetingly miffed that the Teen rating requires the censor.

“Was that an invitation?” she asks innocently, but with the smile of a devil.

You Spank Adagio Dazzle for Attempted World Domination (by Harms Way)

“Another beautiful day in Ponyville,” you think while looking out of your window, gazing at all of the different ponies as they passed by your house with various items being carried in satchels. Some would stop and wave at you with a smile on their face, making you wave in response. But each time that the moment your hand would come into view, they would flinch a little before their cheeks would turn red and they’d give a little sheepish smile before going back to their business. This always made you chuckle as they’ve been like this ever since word got out about the role you played in the punishment of Starlight Glimmer.

“Never gets old,” you say to yourself as you walk into the kitchen to make some breakfast. Just before you begin to make some mix for pancakes, you suddenly hear a knock on your door. “Who could that be?” you ask yourself before you start making your way over to the door. Before opening, you stop and clear your throat. “Who is it?”

“Letter for Mr. Punishment from her highness, Princess Twilight Sparkle,” a voice on the other side replies, making you reach for the door handle soon after.

Now what does she want? you think as you pull the door open to find the mailmare—Derpy, as your friends would say—standing just a few feet away. She proceeds to reach into her mailbag and pull out a scroll that was sealed with a lavender ribbon and the mark of the Princess of Friendship. “Thank you Derpy," you say before lightly petting her on the head (she too, flinches briefly, no doubt remembering her own encounter with you).

“You’re welcome,” she replies as you close the door and unwrap the ribbon, allowing the scroll to open for you to read.

Dear Corporal Punishment,
I will need you to come over to my castle sometime today. More details will be explained when you arrive. But I will say that your services are required for a special situation.
Signed,
Princess Twilight Sparkle

“Well,” you say before you start cracking your knuckles. “Wonder who’s plot will feel the sting of justice today.”

A few hours pass until you find yourself once again walking up to Twilight’s castle. Your stomach thanks you for deciding to go back to making your breakfast rather than immediately rush over here so that your actions wouldn’t be weakened by hunger. After climbing the steps, you give a few knocks on the door before you hear hooves on the other side getting closer.

Soon, her doors become enveloped in purple auras of magic before one of them opens. “Ah, there you are, Corporal,” she says (with a vivid blush) before stepping aside to let you in. “I was beginning to think you weren’t gonna come.”

“Well, you should know this by now, Twilight,” you reply. “When it comes to dishing out punishment, there is nothing that will stop me from doing so.”

“I’ll say,” Twilight replies while giving her flank a slight rub. You can tell that the memory from her last two encounters with you are still fresh in her mind.

“So who shall get what is coming to them today?” you ask as she leads you down a hallway.

“Back before I met Starlight, I got a message from Sunset Shimmer asking me to help her deal with a problem at Canterlot High.”

“Go on.”

“She and the human counterparts of my friends were facing a threat that was banished to that world over a thousand years ago," she continues. “The sirens.”

“I see," you reply. “And what exactly do these sirens have to do with me?”

“Well…” the little alicorn replies. “Last night, I received a message from Sunset. She said that after months of searching, one of them had finally been found. But rather than have me come and serve her a punishment, Sunset specifically asked for you.”

“For me?” you ask, making the purple one nod in response. “Guess she really misses me after my last encounter with her.”

“What exactly happened between you two?” Twilight asks. “I mean… you spanked her, yet she hasn’t written anything bad about it.”

“Sorry Twi," you reply before chuckling. “But what happens on the other side stays on the other side.” This of course made the alicorn groan as the two of you enter the room which housed the mirror portal. “So what exactly did these sirens do?”

“They were forcing everypony to be mean to one another in an attempt to gain their powers back and eventually take over the world,” Twilight replies as she takes hold of a book with Princess Celestia’s cutie mark on the front. “One could say that they were simply doing what they needed to survive. But I still feel that losing their pendants and subsequently their singing voices isn’t a good enough punishment for what I experienced and what Sunset and the others had said that happened.”

“I thought sirens were creatures who lured unsuspecting sailors to their deaths with their singing," you say as the alicorn positions the book atop the mirror.

“I’m not sure as to what you’re talking about," she replies. “Maybe your world had a different breed of sirens than ours.”

“Maybe.”

“Anyways," she says before pulling down on a lever. “The time has come for you to enter this world again and do what you do best.”

“Whoever this siren is…” you say as magic flows from the book before entering the mirror. “They’re gonna wish that it was you that got sent and not me.”

“Just don’t overdo it," she says before gesturing with her hoof to enter the portal.

“Fine," you reply before stepping over to the mirror before placing one foot through. “I’ll have Sunset write to you when the task is finished.” Twilight simply nods before you completely disappear into the portal.

A few seconds pass as you enter this zone of bright colors before you find yourself on the concrete of Canterlot High’s sidewalk. “I’ll never get used to that feeling," you say to yourself. “Wait a minute... why does it not seem to affect me when it can turn ponies into humans and a dragon into a dog?”

You continue to ponder this until a buzzing sound starts emanating from your pocket. Realizing that it’s your phone, you take it out only to find a text message from an unknown number.

Don’t overthink it. This is a spankfic after all.

The message has ‘HW’ as a signature.

Okay… you think after putting the phone back into your pocket. I’m just gonna pretend that this didn’t happen and go find Sunset.

“Hey Corporal," a familiar voice says before you look up after taking care of your phone.

Well that was easy, you think as your eyes rest their gaze on the beauty that is Sunset Shimmer. “Hey there, Sunset," you reply. “How you been?”

“I’ve been alright," she replies. “Though sometimes, I still think about the time that you came here and spanked me.”

“I hope that they’re good thoughts," you say before Sunset gives you a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Of course they are," she replies before giving a wink. “But before we start going down memory lane, we need you to take care of a certain siren.”

“Yes, Twilight mentioned that you had found one of them.”

Sunset nods her head in response. “Even though we only caught one, we’ll soon know the whereabouts of the others. I’m sure she’ll be more willing to talk after she experiences your interrogation methods.”

“And how would she know where they are?”

“Because she’s their leader," Sunset replies as the two of you begin walking toward the school. As the two of you walk inside, you can’t help but notice Sunset swaying her hips more than what you think is necessary. Then again, you did enjoy giving that beautiful bottom what it had coming.

“So how exactly did you find this lead siren?” you ask as Sunset leads you down a hallway.

“Well…” she replies. “Rainbow Dash actually found her after answering her door for some pizza she ordered.”

“And how are you guys keeping her here?”

“We told her that she had a choice to make," Sunset replies. “Either take the punishment from a friend in Equestria… or deal with the police since Vinyl still has video proof of their powers.”

“Blackmail," you say before giving Sunset a light tap on her bum. “Well played.”

“I still know a thing or two about getting what I want," she says before giving you another kiss on the cheek.

“Does she know what the punishment is?”

“Nope.”

“Excellent.” After saying that, Sunset leads you to a classroom and knocks on the door three times.

“Who is it?” the sound of Pinkie’s human counterpart asks.

“It’s Sunset," the fiery-haired girl replies. “I’m back with the surprise for our… guest.”

“Okie-dokie, lokie!" Pinkie says before opening the door and letting the two of you step inside. Once inside, you find the rest of your pony friends’ counterparts along with the one whom you presume to be the lead siren as she stood next to a stack of pizza boxes. You weren’t expecting her to have such poofy orange hair, but then again, you didn’t exactly know what to expect.

“So you’re the one that I’ve been sent here for," you say to her as you walk over to what looks like a teacher’s desk.

“Uhh… yes?” she replies. “Are you here to bring me back to Equestria?”

“No. I’m the one who is going to be giving you your punishment.”

“You?” she asks. “But I thought I was going to be punished by that pony Princess of yours. Why would you be the one to punish me?”

This makes you chuckle. “Because I’m the only one who can give you the punishment that you deserve. A good ol’ fashioned spanking session.”

“What?!” she says. “You? Spank me? In your dreams! There is no way that I would ever let you touch my glorious a--.” The sound of a censor coming from nowhere seems to annoy the siren. “Lousy freakin’ Teen rating," she mumbles through gritted teeth.

“Okay Adagio," Sunset replies. “That’s fine. I’m sure the Canterlot Police will have a field day with the three of you.” This makes the siren gulp as she appears to be hiding something.

“Are you sure we haven’t been punished enough?” she asks.

“From what I’ve heard, all that happened was you lost your jewels and singing voices," you reply. “I don’t think that really measures up to the crime of attempted world domination, now does it? Actually, I’m not sure if even a spanking would do it. In a way, this is actually a really good deal for you. So that simply begs the question. Are you going to take the spanking or not?”

The siren darts her eyes to look at the floor for a minute or so. She knows that her situation could be much worse. “So let me get this straight," she says as she looks back up to you. “If I let you spank me, then all is forgiven?”

“For the most part, yes," Sunset replies. “Of course, we’ll also need to track down your sisters so that they can receive their punishment as well.”

“Oh please," she says. “You think that you’ll make me talk by spanking me? It’ll take a lot for me to sell those two out. Even if they do make my head hurt at times.”

“I was hoping you’d say that," you reply as you sit yourself down on the teacher’s desk before patting your lap.

“Alright Adagio," Sunset says. “Time to get what you’ve had coming for quite a while now.”

Adagio groans as she rolls her eyes before she walks in front of you. “Fine. But may I ask just for just one thing before we get started?”

“And what would that be?”

“Could the rest of you leave so I don’t have to worry about anyone else getting a free viewing of my butt?”

“Fair enough, I suppose," Sunset replies. “Come on, girls. Let’s go wait out in the hall until they’re done.”

“Aww…” Pinkie groans in protest. “But I wanted to see the spanking." Sunset just stares at her as a response. “Fine," she says before grabbing a few of the pizzas that Adagio had brought.

“You’re going to pay for those. Right?” the siren asks as Rainbow and Applejack take a few more boxes.

“Of course we will," Sunset replies. “We’ll pay our debt after you’ve paid yours.” With that said, Sunset closes the door behind her, leaving you and Adagio alone.

“So…” you say, gaining her attention. “Are you ready?”

“I guess," she replies before she undoes her belt and drops her pants in front of you, revealing a pair of dark purple panties. She then crawls on top of the desk and lays herself on your lap. “Just make it quick.”

“We’ll see how things go," you say before raising your hand up.

SMACK!

Adagio tries to stop a gasp from exiting her lips, but fails.

SMACK!

She grunts a little after this one. Your hand continues to lay the smacks down upon her bottom for a couple more minutes, each one being a little harder than the last. You have to admit though. The feeling of her soft backside slowly getting warmer after each smack is making you feel good.

Well… you think as you continue to spank her. This is actually going pretty smoothly.

SMACK!

“Ohh….”

What?

SMACK!

“Yes….”

She’s enjoying this?

SMACK!

“Harder….”

“Umm…. you know this is supposed to be a punishment. Right?”

“Oh. Sorry," she says before clearing her throat. “Please! No more! I beg of you! My beautiful butt can’t take much more of this!”

Boy, is she a rotten actress….

“You know…” you say, “if you’re enjoying this, then I’ll just go ahead and go.”

“NO!” She cries out as she stops you from getting up. “Please! I haven’t been spanked like this since well… ever! Not spanking me after giving me this would be a far greater punishment!”

“Hmm….”

“I’ll even take Sonata’s and Aria’s punishments for them!” she continues. “Just please! Keep spanking me.”

“Are you sure?”

“YES!”

“Okay okay," you reply before bringing your hand down again.

SMACK!

“Ohhh…. yes.”

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!

“Yes. Spank me. I’ve been a very naughty girl.”

“Alright," you say. “I think we’re done here.”

“Not quite," Adagio replies. “After all. If you’re going to punish me for this crime. Then I might as well be punished for all of my other crimes too.” This makes you stop your attempt to get up. If she really has committed more crimes, then you might as well get her for those as well.

“I suppose you have a point there," you say. “Though no one has voluntarily turned themselves in for more spankings before. How much more are we talking about?”

“About a thousand years’ worth," she replies. “Get comfortable, big boy. We’re gonna be here for quite a while.”

You Spank Fluttershy because She Asked You To . . . Literally (by lord-steak)

You knocked on the door of the cottage, taking in its pastoral surroundings and atmosphere. This was the first time Fluttershy invited you out to her place, and, well...you can’t say you’re surprised. Her love for the animals oozed from every last thing around. All was serene. You heard a warbling bird call somewhere, something that almost sounds like something from back home, but you were never into birds. You remember how Fluttershy seemed so disappointed when you mentioned this, but she did seem to get past it quickly.

Speaking of Fluttershy, she opened the door at that moment with a wide smile, “Corporal! I’m so happy you decided to come!”

“Of course! I haven’t had a decent cup of Joe in, well...since coming here, and when you asked me over for coffee, that sounded perfect,” you said, scratching the little pegasus behind the ears.

She gave you a coy smile, and simply says, “Well, come in.”

Oh, thank you, Mother Mary; I thought I’d never smell that aroma again.

The scent of coffee wafted up your nostrils. Unconsciously you deeply inhaled, held it, and released a relieved, delighted sigh. Fluttershy giggled beside you. You took a seat as best as you could at the table while she flits to her own chair without issue. She reached for the kettle with her mouth, and you stopped her, saying, “No, allow me.”

She giggled again. “Such a gentleman. Thank you, Corporal.”

“Ah, it’s nothin’,” you replied. Taking the pot, you poured her mug first, before filling your own. She took a few scoops of sugar while you just took a sip.

Too long. Too damn long.

You rejoiced incoherently on the inside for the long-lost magic brown liquid of goodness and pep while Fluttershy slowly stirred her mug, adding a touch of cream. You take a longer sip, swirling it around your mouth. You tried placing its rich flavour...it’s a light roast, French pressed, brewed for exactly the right length of time, served at the ideal-for-you 150-160 degree range. You wanted to say it tasted close to Colombian, but wasn’t quite right, before you reminded yourself you’re in Equestria now; all soils here were different from home and you couldn’t hope to place a damn thing without partaking in a number of more cups. Of course, the thought appealed to you greatly. Nothing in either world beat a good cup of coffee. The familiar rise in alertness had already begun.

“I really am happy you came, Corporal,” said Fluttershy, taking a dainty sip with a dainty sigh.

“Hey, I’m happy you offered. It’s been way too long since I’ve had any.”

“M...me too,” she squeaked, looking away.

You shot her a questioning look, asking, “Why? Can’t you just enjoy some by yourself?”

“Well, um, y...yeah, but it’s...it’s just n...not the same alone, is it?” she asked, still averting her eyes.

You furled your brow, studying the pastel yellow pegasus before you. You couldn’t see her eyes behind her mane. You frowned, then took another long sip, and couldn’t help but smile again. This is a good brew. Something wasn’t adding up, though. “I suppose, but alone or not, a little extra kick to start the morning goes a long, long ways.”

“Oh...my…” gasped Fluttershy, turning a little red.

“You okay, Flutters?”

“Y...yeah, I think so. Should we just get started, Corporal?” she asked, giving you doe eyes.

You stopped just before taking another heavenly sip. You gave her a second questioning look, inquiring, “Started? Didn’t we already…?”

Fluttershy got up from her seat and walked over to you. Patting you on the hand, she whispered, “Just come with me.”

Tentatively, you got up, taking the mug with you. You enjoyed the fantastic brew as you followed her up the stairs. The little pegasus definitely had more sway to her hips than usual, along with her tail brushing side-to-side more than before, showing off more of her than you’re used to seeing. At the top of the stairs, she beckoned you to enter the room first. Stepping in, you felt your brow scrunch up a second time within five minutes.

There are...things here...things you have heard of. Things you were not and still are not entirely comfortable thinking about being in Fluttershy’s possession, let alone neatly arrayed before you as they were then. She had a riding crop...a friggin’ pink, leopard-print riding crop. Why would that even exist in Equestria? The red ball, the hood, the rope…you didn’t know what the swing was about. And that was all you recognized. Plenty of other implements were beyond your ken. You didn’t want to think about them.

“What tickles your fancy?” cooed Fluttershy behind you. You turn to see her sauntering up to you with half-lidded eyes.

...lolwut…??

She continued, “I’m curious what you can do with these hands. I...I had nothing but hooves before.”

...oh. She meant that kind of cup of coffee….

“Um...Fluttershy...what is…?” you trailed off, unable to formulate another syllable at that moment.

Fluttershy, still giving you the bedroom eyes, asked, “First time, like this?”

You blurted, “Yeah….”

She raised her chin a moment, then began, “Okay, the basics are ‘safe, sane, and consensual.’ I prefer being submissive...”

Okay, Jesus, what the hell did I do to deserve this? What was my sin?

“...and I do like being tied-up before you get a bit of this,” purred Fluttershy as she hoisted her tail right out of the way. Round and jiggly, Fluttershy’s butt teased you as she smiled at you seductively. It...wasn’t right. This wasn’t the real McCoy; this was a pony’s posterior, not a woman’s. It wasn’t doing a thing for you.

How do I get out of this…?!

“Are you okay?” she asked, sounding concerned, and thankfully lowering her tail.

You emitted some nondescript noise, still unable to form syllables. Fluttershy stepped up to you. She reared up and placed her forehooves on your shoulders, her face full of concern. She brushed your cheek, and asked, “Too much, too fast?”

You just nodded, figuring that was a way to answer which wouldn’t be lost in your unresponsive vocal cords. She answered, “Let’s just start this off how we should have, then….”

Fluttershy leaned in and planted a big, sloppy kiss right on your lips. This...wasn’t what you were looking for, either. You tried to enjoy it as best as you could, but it just wasn’t working. She broke away from the kiss, with a small smile, saying, “I’ve seen it on your face, Corporal. You’ve needed companionship. You needed somepony, or someone. I’ve been lonely, too. I know I can’t replace a female human, but please, you don’t need to be alone. Be with me, at least for today.”

You nodded, meaning to convey you were listening before her words actually registered. You just turned a corner you didn’t want to.

...crap, crap, crap…! What now...uhh...Hail Mary, full of grace. Our Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou who can get me the hell out of this mess….

Smiling, she kissed you again. Nuzzling your cheek, she said, “Let’s just keep it simple this time. You are Corporal Punishment, right? So, tie me up and spank me, then you can...do whatever you want to me.”

I don’t think you really mean that, Fluttershy, but I am so going to do whatever I want. Heaven forgive for what I’m about to do….

She led you over to the bed. Taking the rope, you tie her on the bed, belly-down. You just keep it simple, one limb to each post of the bed. She whimpered a little in the knots. You looked around, trying to remember what was here. Since you didn’t feel like using your hand (just to keep her flesh away from yours), you grabbed the riding crop and gave her rump a thwack. She yelped, and cooed, “Oh, yes, Corporal, I’m such a naughty filly….”

Another whack, and she continued, “So bad, leading you out here without telling you what’s going on….”

A third. “Ooh, yeah, give me something to think about.”

And again. “Yes, make me pay….”

Oh...you’re about to….

A fifth stroke of the riding crop fell. She yowled a bit more that time. You left a red mark. She purred again, “Whatever you want….”

You dropped the riding crop. It clattered against the ground as you shook your head. You apologised, “I’m sorry, Fluttershy, this is just too damn weird.”

“Corporal, what’s wrong?” she asked. But you didn’t stop. You were already out the door and heading down the stairs. “Corporal, where are you going?”

You sighed at the bottom of the stairs. This was just too much. You looked down to see a furious white rabbit tapping his foot at you. Angel pointed back up the stairs. You shook your head at him and started for the door. He jumped in front of you, baring his teeth. Fluttershy called out again, “Corporal, please don’t leave...don’t leave me like this….”

You moved to step around the rabbit. He stepped to block you again, until a whimper sounded from upstairs. Angel stomped his foot in rage, enough you could have sworn he growled, before he darted up the stairs. You simply stepped toward the front door, then fell flat on your face. Wincing, you realise your feet were lassoed. Your right arm was tugged, and you feel a rope binding it to your feet, with you on your back. Angel bounded onto your chest; he had you hogtied. The rabbit looked you in the eye. He opened his mouth, and out came a contrabass, almost Satanic-sounding growl, “You will not leave her unsatisfied.”

Hyperventilating, you lay helpless, as the the evil white rabbit dragged you back up the stairs….

You Spank Nightmare Moon for Attempting to Conquer Equestria (by grey mane)

You had your fun spanking ponies for their crimes and rather enjoyed it, but you knew this day was to come sooner or later. Nightmare Moon is in your grasp and ready for punishment, yet you feel conflicted as you look over to select your tool of choice for the evening. You know Nightmare needs to be spanked, but you love Luna. Nightmare must be punished, but until she turned back into Luna, there had to be a middle ground.

Looking among the belts, pans, and whips you brought along in a duffle bag, you click your teeth as Nightmare groans, awakening. “What a naughty mare you are, destroying your home as you have, assaulting your sister. And for what? Jealousy, loneliness, things so trifle you can simply talk it over.”

Struggling to stand, she finds her body far too heavy to lift, yet nothing holds her down, “You think you can judge me? I’ll tear you apart.” Magical energies crackle yet do nothing more than a slight surge with tiny pops of light. “W-what?”

With an “ahh” you pick up a riding crop decorated with a crimson handle and a strange symbol embroidered into it. “I’m not too worried about you doing anything against me.” Walking over you brush away a little rubble with your foot and point at the carving. “Ten years of research and studies in rune-based magic. Until I let you go, this trap has you bound by your very soul. A more simplistic way of saying it is…” You groan as you scratch the back of your head, “you’re bound to my will.”

Walking to her flank you pat her head and caress her back. “If you think you stand a chance of getting away with this…” she threatens.

Pulling back her tail you laugh, “Oh Nightmare, I don’t just think. I know. You see I found a nice spell to force you to face that which you fear the most… or help show what could be wrong with you mentally. Kinda hard to adapt an old spell when you can’t really translate the language. Anywho, I then adapted it to a rune and… well…” Once again you chuckle as you swing the crop around a little, “I wonder what you fear the most?”

Teasing her with the crop, you press the tip of it into the side of her flank, causing her to gasp and look around confused, “What was that?” She shouted, worried as her ears twitched trying to find a source to what she heard.

Looking around, you ponder what’s going on as you look at the crop. “What… you mean this?” Pressing its tip into her side again her ears twitched as she looked around only for her to stop as you remove it, “Huh…” you say in a baffled tone, “tell me what you hear.” You lightly strike her with the crop.

Gasping again she looked around again with twitching ears as she mumbles, “Sunshine, lollipops…” She trails off only for you to strike her a little harder in curiosity. “Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows…” She trails off again.

“Huh…” you mutter yet again as you test the crop upon your left hand only to hear “Sweating Bullets” by Megadeth as you see the laughing skeleton jet fighter from Pearl Jam’s “Do The Evolution”, and yet you have the strange somber feeling from the song “Bother” by Stone Sour. “I’m gonna have to have Celestia smack me with this a few times, I clearly have some issues I need to work out.”

Shaking your head you turn your focus back to the mare caught in your trap. Dragging the crop across the side of her flank, you see the worried look in her eyes as she struggles to look back. Her worries and fears begin to escalate as you start singing. It wasn’t your voice or the tune that caused this. No, it was the song you chose to sing; even you had to ponder why you started singing “Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd (good song, just seemed oddly appropriate in some strange way).

With the first strike Nightmare gritted her teeth; now she was hearing two songs—one in her head the other from you.

You sing gently to her that there is no pain she's receiving, as you lay the next harsh slap on her flank, harder than the last.

“Please! I’ll give you anything you want, just stop!” she cried.

With a few more spanks you hit the mellow tone just before the guitar solo, blissfully singing your claim to being numb and its comfort.

Starting to tear up, her form as Nightmare started to waver. “I kn-know a spell for that,” she stutters. “I c-can help you feel blissfully numb... i-if that’s what you want.”

With the guitar rift taking its solo in your mind, you ignore her cries and bribes as you spank her a few more times, you see uncertainty upon her face as she questions which song was more troublesome. The one in her mind or the one from your lips?

Again she begs for you to stop as she slowly returns to being Luna with each spanking you give her. Once again you claim to being comfortably numb as the solo comes to its end and with it you give a devilish smile. You press in on her reddening flank with your finger as you raise the crop as high as you can telling her it’s just a little pinprick.

Swinging as fast as you could you sing to her, “There’ll be no more”

“A~ah~ah!” She cries out as the crop lands on her already sensitive flank.

With that her transformation back into Princess Luna is complete, though she is in a blissful daze. She’s panting as she looks back at you while you rub the crop over the reddened area, singing about her current condition. Coming round to face her you place the crop under her chin to slightly raise her head.

Looking down at the carving, you choose to test your level of control over her for future reference, “Can you stand up?” you inquire as though you were commanding her to move.

Looking down at the rune again, you smile with a slight chuckle; you can’t help but sing about your belief on its effectiveness. As well as your thoughts about how pleased you are with an untested set of runes. Looking back you nervously sigh recalling how everything claimed it was a bad idea to use just one untested spell, and not know how it would work (but two untested runes just made it all the worse). You thank whatever amount of luck kept the two of you safe.

Her tongue dangles out of her mouth as she wobbles under her own weight and mouths a few words. Tilting your head slightly, you lean in to hear her, yet find that all she’s doing is mouthing. No sound comes from her and you feel slightly cheated. Dragging the crop across her body, you playfully chuckle.

“I sang to you, the least you could do is sing to me.”

Giving a light tap on her flank one last time she sang with the loveliest of voices you had ever heard, the words that flew out of her mouth made you question her life choices up to her transformation. Even bigger question you had: why did she sing “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” by The Beatles?

She drifts off muttering the song as her knees start to bend. Clearly she’s in a much further state of bliss than you first thought.

You Spank Moon Dancer for Missing Out On the Best Things in Life (by Sdrawkcabsitxetsiht)

You throw the bedroom door open. Sitting neatly on her bed, her legs folded beneath her, is Moon Dancer. A book is spread open before her.

Of course, you remind yourself. Can you honestly think of a time you’ve seen her without her muzzle in a book? The thought fades when she speaks, not leaving her book.

“Hi. How’s it going?”

You shrug as your response falls. “It’s going alright, I guess.” Suddenly you grasp a sweet aroma. “What’s that smell?”

“Oh, just some cookies I made. I had Twilight and the others over for a little while.” She waves a hoof.

You suddenly feel small objects when sitting on your own bed. Looking down, you’ve sat in the tiny remnants of some of her dessert. The crumbs cling to you.

You get up, shaking your head. “Do you want ants? Because that’s how you get ants!” Calming down, you add, “It’s nice to see you talking with them again.”

“Yeah. That’s nice.” She dismisses you with a wave of her hoof, her eyes locked onto a new page.

“You know, you could look up from your book for once.” She ignores your suggestion.

“I mean, you’ve got friends now. You’re not alone anymore.”

The only sound is her horn’s magic flipping to the next page.

“Oh come on, Moon! You don’t have to be the way you used to be. You can be smart and have friends at the same time!”

She grimaces, slipping into a bad mood. “I know that!” All without looking up, of course.

Okay, you think to yourself as you slowly move toward her. This has gone on far enough. First she eats in my bed, and then stays locked onto that darn book. What is she reading?

Scooping yourself below, you snatch the bulky book from its place on her bed, before taking a good, long look at its thick cover.

EQUESTRIA’S DICTIONARY AND THESAURUS: NEW EDITION

“Give it back,” she says, frowning and standing on the bed.

“Are you kidding me?” You ask her scowling face.

Moon Dancer has done this for far too long. She’s got friends, but she still slips into her old self. Besides, she went to the library all day, every day since Twilight missed her party. Are there any words she doesn’t know by now?

You suddenly realize what must be done.

What she needs is a reminder that there’s more to life than what’s inscribed on those darn pages.

You hold the book, despite her protests to return it. You take your limb that holds it, and instead of setting it down, you adjust its position in your grasp. Your second limb takes action to hold the dictionary. It is an updated edition with a built-in thesaurus, after all.

“I’m sorry, Moon.” You say.

SMACK!

Her eyes spread apart as wide as can be, her pupils shrinking to the size of marbles. The impact was colossal, and now, a red rectangular print was appearing on her flank. For a moment, she froze.

Gee, it’s almost like a third cutie mark. But this one is different. This one is extra special. You wince as the mark’s shade brightens.

At this point, she still hadn’t said anything.

The plan is working! You think as you draw the dictionary back.

“That. Was. Gr-”

SMACK!

Her sentence morphs into a scream, but not necessarily one of pain. It’s then you decide to tell her.

“I’m sorry, Moon. Wait, you know what? I’m not sorry. It’s time you learned that there’s more to life than books! I really should give you one for every day you spent in that darn library by yourself, when you could’ve hung out with your friends.”

“Twilight… moved away, six years ago…” Moon Dancer utters, looking up at you.

“Okay…” You say, estimating the number heading her way. “I’ll change it to months.”

This is going to be a long night, you state in your mind before drawing the dictionary back.

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK…!

You sit on the edge of her bed, contemplating what you’ve just done. You realize you’ve made her unable to sit down for a long time. As you sit, you feel a shuffle, before a certain spanking receiver makes her way toward you.

You feel something slide across you, and then you see a yellowish gray foreleg slide across you, pulling you close toward its owner.

“I learned a new word earlier today from the wonderful dictionary, and it reflects exactly how I feel.” She says.

“And what might it be?” You smile playfully.

She plants a hoof on you and shoves you backward. She’s smiling as her horn flips you onto your stomach. In your excitement, you notice the movement out of the corner of your eye. You notice her magic seize the shelf’s other treasure: A complete set of twelve encyclopedias.

You hear her.

“I feel amorous.”

SMACK!

You Spank Photo Finish for Photographic Shenanigans (by Jarvy Jared)

While you could say you were enjoying all this “spanking” going around, you did find yourself feeling like you were missing out on a lot of what Equestria had to offer. The typical dangers and Pinkie’s rampant partying aside, you found yourself wanting to enjoy the more “peaceful” moments.

You found it surprising. A year ago, you’d be locked in your shack, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Now, a year later, you looked forward to each day. And while peaceful moments weren’t hard to come by, only a few of them really mattered.

In particular, you liked seeing things. Certain things. Small things, really, at least compared to other seeing material other ponies liked. Sometimes you’d stare outside your window, watching the pegasi roll the clouds in. That was a marvel in it of itself. Other times, you’d allow yourself a stroll through Ponyville, all the while noting how friendly most of the residents were.

But, if you had to be truly honest to yourself, there was one thing in particular that you desired the most. One thing that the ponies took for granted.

Today, you were planning on capturing that thing in its glory. It had taken a lot of thinking, contemplating, and planning to figure out the correct hour to get up. Twilight Sparkle (after much needed persuasion of the physical variety—double amount, actually) had helped enormously, providing for you a good amount of the facts and figures. Thank goodness Equish was a relatively easy language to understand.

As the alarm went off, you managed to work your way through your silent curses and initial feelings of regret to roll out of bed. Staring outside, you saw that the only light was a slowly lowering moon, coming from the eastern side of Ponyville. Upon seeing this, a smile stretched across your face; the time had arrived.

You grabbed your clothes, quickly slipping them on, before rushing down the stairs for a quick bite to eat. You ate quickly, despite knowing that there was still some time before the main event.

The dishes, you figured, could be cleaned later; right now, you needed to get out as fast as you could. You ran up the steps back to the bathroom, launching a massive barrage on your teeth that would give even Minuette some pause. You checked your second clock, seeing that nearly twenty minutes had passed. The cold cup of water kept you centered; you reflected on the timing and on your mission.

Spitting out the water and washing your face, you moved back to your room, where all your possessions lay. Really, it was all the stuff that had been gifted onto you; you hadn’t had much time to pack before you were dropped here in this weird land. Eyes darting left to right, you scanned the assortment of knick-knacks, paddy wacks, and knick-knack-paddy-wacks, searching for the one bag in particular. Eventually, you saw it, and rushed forward, grabbing it in your hand and opening it up.

Inside was a camera, and though crude and outdated by Earth standards, you had seen it in action too many times not to know that it could get the job done. The smile on your face widened.

You slung the bag around your shoulder, and ran out of the house in a woosh. (A literal woosh. You could hear the wind parting behind you, you swear up and down!)

You ran and ran, through the silent streets of Ponyville, not caring for any random onlookers. Your destination lay in sight; there was no time to stop to greet or explain. Dashing around square and the occasional triangle adobe, your feet hit hard ground before suddenly transitioning onto softer grass. Finally, you saw the destination.

A hill, at the edge of Ponyville. The highest hill, according to a trio of rambunctious fillies. And if their cuts and bruises were any hint, this was a valid claim. And that made it the perfect spot for your capture.

Reaching the peak, you paused. Just beyond the surrounding hills, you could see a faint, whitish outline. It was just as bright as the slowly lowering moon. You could already see the navy-blue sky transforming into morning purple.

“Excellent,” you say aloud. You bent down, and started to unpack.

Equestria may have been missing the necessary Industrial Revolution to jumpstart its technological superiority, but that didn’t mean it was a land of savages (that, really, was reserved for the Dragon Lands). Equestria had trains, flying hot air balloons, and even electricity in some places. With that in mind, it wasn’t that much of a stretch to see how the country even had what you were unpacking.

Laying on its side within the bag was your ECC: Equestrian Color Camera. It was much like the ones used during a certain country’s battle between brothers, with a square-pyramid esque structure being the “barrel” of the camera. Powder wasn’t needed, thankfully; to take the picture, it was a simple point-and-click (thanks to the several modifications Twilight had added in order to be sufficient for your human needs); the click, of course, being the faded-blue button on top. Because of it being a special camera, it was much larger than a pony’s.

More importantly was the fact that this was neither yours nor Twilight’s. It was, surprisingly enough, Pinkie’s, and you knew that that meant you had to take extra care of it.

In another life, you might have found it rather lackluster. Currently, though, you couldn’t help but marvel at how far Equestria had come without advancing so much technology-wise.

You shook your head, clearing your thoughts, before taking out the ECC. In three swift motions, you extended the tripod’s legs, and sat it straight up on the hill. You gazed through the viewfinder, still being able to see the object of your fascination in the distance. It would be a little while before you could capture it, so you decided to wait.

You moved away from the camera, a dumb smile on your face. For such an event, you’d wait as long as you needed to.

Ponyville began to wake up just as the ideal time was arriving. You could already hear various doors opening as the main market opened. With a glance back down the hill, you saw a certain, grey pegasus flying around dizzily, somehow managing to drop the mail at the correct location. A smile crossed your lips before fading—memories of her spanking were still quite vivid.

You looked back at the camera, then reached out and adjusted it; it had been slightly bent. Absentmindedly, you rubbed the side of it. Then you drummed your fingers against it. Your gaze darted to the left, seeing the moon vanish behind the hills.

Now was the time.

You stepped over your bag and bent behind the camera. Pressing the button lightly, you let the device focus on the space between the hills and sky. You had to squint as the serene whiteness that ponies welcomed filled a good amount of the viewfinder, but were nonetheless able to not go blind.

Okay… okay, okay. Calm down. Just keep a steady hand, and wait.

Your finger lay gently against the button, and slowed your breath. In a few more seconds, you’d see the white light become a beautiful combination of red, yellow, and orange, that would paint the sky and earth with a glorious palette. An anxious smile developed on your face.

Your finger sunk down, down, down, pushing ever slightly more against the button, just as your prophecy was about to be fulfilled.

And… here… we… go…

Your finger pushed down, just as you held your breath, waiting to hear the click of the button—

When, all of a sudden, you were blinded by some flashing light.

“Aha! Zere is ze amazing human zat Miss Rarity spoke of! Pose for me, human!”

“Ah! Agh!” You stumbled back, as a series of rapid-fire clicks brought with it even faster flashes. You tried to bring your hand to your eyes to cover them, but blinded as you were, you ended up slapping yourself upside the head. The mishap caused you to step back and trip over your bag, and you tumbled back. Your feet shot forward, hitting something hard with the heel of your foot. You didn’t even have a moment to figure out what that was, as your back crashed directly on the hill’s surface. The grass didn’t soften the blow.

“Ah, ze human has natural model instincts! Look at him pose for me! I shall entitle it, ‘Ze Torture of Survival!’”

Wait a second… you recognized that accent. It had to be—

“Agh! Son of a mother hubbard and her seven duck babies!” you cursed, as another blinding flash filled your vision.

“Vat? I am unfamiliar with zat phrase. Hmm, I shall have to consult vith my advisors on zis—” Her voice might have continued to ring, but it was replaced with the ringing in your head as another blinding flash occurred.

“Gah! Stop stop stop stop stop!” Frantically you kick your legs, and while you aren’t able to come in contact with anything, it at least seemed to pause the flashes. You rolled over onto your knees, covering your eyes with your arm. You slightly opened them, only to be met with several large, discolored, and opaque dots that filled most of your vision. You attempted to rub them away, but in doing so, your eyes only grew more irritated.

Despite your sudden and (hopefully) brief blindness, you managed to stand. This elicited a gasp from the perpetrator. “So the human can stand! Vat a surprise! Oh, I must take more and more—”

“I said stop!” you yelled, whirling on the pony.

You still couldn’t see clearly, but you knew who you were facing: Photo Finish, the most famous fashion photographer in all of Equestria, and currently, looking at you behind pink-filled goggles. Next to her, through your blurred vision, you could see a sort of pyramid-shape. You guessed it to be her camera.

“Yes! Just like that, and—”

“Gah!” You managed to throw your hands up and close your eyes at just the right moment, but the resulting flash nonetheless made you disoriented.

“Oh, and I simply must get a good look at what you’re wearing! Zis… ragged attire; perfect for ze next magazine title!”

“No, wait—argh!” Another flash, and this time, you weren’t quite fast enough to dodge it.

“And another!”

“Agh!”

“Another!”

“Yeargh!”

“Another—”

You wanted to yell at her to stop; your eyes could only take so much! Only… the words that came out of your mouth… weren’t those.

“Why are you using so much flash?!”

“Vat?”

For a moment, you weren’t sure what either of you said. But seeing as how Photo Finish wasn’t, at the moment, causing your eyes to gorge themselves, you quickly steadied yourself.

“Vat do you mean, why am I using flash?” Photo Finish huffed. “I must get every curve, every contortion, every mark, on ze model’s body! Only ze flashiest vill let me see everything!”

“Did it even occur to you that I didn’t plan on being your model today?! And that’s not what you use flash for—”

You stopped mid-sentence, mind (pun not intended) flashing with memories of minutes before. Slowly, you turned, looking to where your camera had been.

It wasn’t there.

You remembered hitting something, and you felt your stomach sink with dread. “Vat are you doing?” Photo Finish asked. You ignored her, half-stumbling back up the hill.

“Oh, no… no, no, no!”

The slope was a graveyard of camera parts. Your kick had been the stepping stone; the fall, the ultimate killer. Your camera lay at the bottom of the hill, shattered into bits and pieces of metal and wood. The lens’s “scope” was in ruins, with a large hole poking out the side. Your eyelid twitched involuntarily.

“Vat?” You were aware of Photo Finish suddenly beside you. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw that she had a frown on her face. “Vat is that?”

“That,” you said, between harsh breaths, “was… my camera…”

“Vat? That was a camera? No! That was not a camera; that was an abomination!”

Your eyelid twitched again, and you bit your tongue hard.

“It was… specifically designed… so that I could use it.”

You looked up, and your shoulders sagged. “I missed it…”

“Missed what?”

“The sun!” you suddenly shouted. “I was trying—before you came along and messed things up—to capture it in all its morning glory!” You pointed a finger out at the glowing orb in the sky. “And now I won’t be able to for a long time!”

“Vat? That’s it?” She harrumphed, and you could already picture her throwing her hair back. “Oh, pish-posh, human. Far worse tragedies happen in the world of fashion. Now, come! Ve must continue our photo shoot!”

All of a sudden, you were aware of a rushing sound going through your mind, like some sort of river. Then, the dots in front of you were replaced with a gush of red. You blinked, and they were gone; but the feeling wasn’t.

Your body trembled, in frustration, in indignation, in fury. Your fists clenched and tightened. You tried to keep yourself calm by slowing your breathing.

“Ah, yes! Your anger… it inspires me! And… pose!”

The moment the camera clashed, something snapped inside of you.

“You… blue… idiot!” you shouted, whirling back around. The sudden movement caused Photo Finish to jump, but she managed to take another needlessly-flashed-photo right in your face. You yelled and clawed at your eyes, but managed to force yourself to see through the pain.

You reached out and made to grab Photo Finish’s body, but she somehow darted out of the way. Instead, you fell forward onto her camera. The hard top hit your chin, and you were aware of your tongue being caught between your teeth. Pain filled your mouth faster than you could register. You pulled back, clutching your mouth, and felt something warm and wet spill down your chin.

“Ah! You have a natural model’s mindset! The terror… the anger! It is inspiring! Pose again!”

“Wise guy—Aagh!”

Another flash, but this time you were facing just the right amount away so that you weren’t completely blinded. In your random, sporadic flailing, your hands latched onto two things: Photo Finish herself, and her camera. You threw your arms around, hearing her gasp in surprise.

“Oho! The human has a fiery heart, and an even hotter spirit!”

Your vision began to clear up, and you were suddenly presented with an enormously shocking sight.

Photo Finish lay on her stomach, her rump facing up towards you. She didn’t even seem the least inclined to get back up. Your gaze mechanically shifted to your other hand, where you held the camera.

“Now, be a good human, and give me zat camera, vould you?”

Your eyes moved from the camera, back to Photo Finish, to the camera, and back again. Your arm tensed.

You weren’t sure why you did it, or how it even came to mind. In hindsight, it made no sense in and out of context. It was almost as if you were at the whim of some random fanfiction author. Either way, you acted in the completely and only rational way you could.

Swinging your arm, you spanked Photo Finish’s bottom with the flat end of the camera.

“Ack! Vat are you doing, human!”

You did it again, eliciting another “ack!” from the pony. “That’s for messing up my picture!”

Thwack!

“Ack!”

“That’s for nearly making me go goddamn blind!”

Thwack!

“Ack!”

“And that’s for not knowing not to use flash when you’re in a heavily brightened area!”

Thwack!

“Ack!”

“Now say you’re sorry!”

Thwack!

“Ack…”

“Are you sorry yet?!”

Thwack!

“Oogh…”

“Say it!”

Thwack!

“Ugh!”

Thwack!

“Ah! Ah!”

Thwack!

“Ah! Yes!”

You didn’t pause, but you did think, Is it just me, or does she sound like she’s enjoying this?

Thwack!

“Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!”

Oh…

“Stop!” Thwack! “Getting!” Thwack! “Excited!” Thwack!

“Ah! V-vonderful! Yes, keep… keep going!”

If you had half a mind, you would have stopped then and there. But you couldn’t. Your arm acted of its own accord, swinging back and forth, back and forth. Each hit left a pinkish-red imprint on the blue behind. It was almost desperate in nature; as if you wished that, for each harder hit, it would get Photo Finish to stop.

Sadly, as it turned out, ponies with accents were notoriously long-lasting, and you couldn’t do much other than unintentionally fulfill her dirty desires.

“You okay, man?”

“Shut up, Spike.”

“Ookay? I’ll just… go over there, how’s that?”

You didn’t nod at the drake as he left. Your finger swirled around the cup of ice tea he had given you. Your eyes were wide and bloodshot, and you couldn’t stop thinking about what had just transpired three hours before.

“Oh, yes, human! Hit me harder! Finish on my photo!”

You clenched your eyes shut. Equestria wasn’t always the most peaceful place, you reminded yourself, but that only meant that some messed up shit was always nearby.

Well… maybe, if I’m lucky, I’d have taught that pony a valuable lesson in photography. Don’t mess up the picture for the photographer.

“Anon! You Pinkie Promised you’d return the camera! Where is it?!”

Rather than scream, you let out a sigh as you heard the speedy clopping of pink hooves rapidly approach. May Death engulf me peacefully, you thought, just as that pink filled your vision.

Author's Note

UPDATE: Jarvy Jared did some editing after I posted, so I went back and posted the edited version instead of the first version.

You Spank Sandbar for Almost Causing an Inter-species War (by denneylaw)

It was a new day, bright and beautiful as always, but it did nothing to ease a concern in your mind. Ever since being brought here to deal out Starlight’s punishment, assignments for more disciplinary sessions have gone through the roof. It wouldn’t be so bad if these ponies, almost all mares, didn’t see your “punishment” as nothing more than a kinky good time. You wouldn't mind if it were for girls like Sunset or Adagio, but since they were never human in the first place, they don't count. Either way, “Corporal Punishment” was beginning to lose all meaning, in name and in action.

Damn, why can't you have this kind of luck with humans?

Anyway, the creation of Twilight’s school was a surprising, albeit misguided, step towards a good future. Unfortunately, ever since the incident in which students of species leaders went missing when Twilight started running it, tensions between races had been high. The kids went so far as to blame each other, almost causing an inter-species war. When they found out who was truly behind it all, the tension grew worse when they found out it was a pony, and all hostilities were turned onto them. As a result, the princesses called a meeting and reached an agreement: swift and strict punishment dealt to the one(s) responsible, as reassurance that nothing like this would ever happen again. At first, the idea that punishment was required was a problem—until Twilight suddenly remembered her still-aching posterior and made a proposal.

Which Celestia quickly agreed to. She had had pictures taken of your assault on Starlight’s bottom.

That's where you come in. After learning from Twilight’s firsthand (or first-hoof) experience about how good you are at dealing punishment, the princesses have hired you as head disciplinarian of the school. Not that you’re complaining at all; despite lesser experience with younger cases, it is a good paying job. And at least with children, you’re confident that when you deal them punishment, they will know that it’s punishment and not enjoyment.

Which brings you to Twilight’s office. The two of you are waiting while guidance counselor Starlight brings the ring leader, Sandbar, to be punished for his actions. Ruler in hand, you’re ready for your first day at work.

“So, I trust you know that since these are kids you’re dealing with, you can't be too hard on them, right?” Twilight asked.

“Of course. They might not be my specialty, but it's not like I haven't dealt with kids before.” However small it is, you do have experience in that field. You recall times where you were called on to deal with the occasional spoiled, defiant, and/or tantrum-throwing brat.

“That’s good to know. Oh, and there is something else I need to mention, about—”

But before any further conversation from Twilight can be had, the door opens and Starlight walks in with a very nervous student behind her—a colt, you noticed. It’s a rare occasion that you deal with a male delinquent, but you know it made it that much better. This promises to reduce possible sexual tension to zero. He looks nervous, as well. Probably knows already what he was in for.

“Sandbar, glad you could join us,” says Twilight. “Please come in.”

“O-okay, Princess…” Sandbar mutters blankly, eyes on the floor.

“Please, no need for formalities, just Twilight will do. Now, you know why you're here, right?”

His head hangs down. He knows what’s next. “Yes, ma’am. I caused a lot of trouble, and I…” He hesitated, finishing with an almost indignant whisper, “And I’m getting punished for it.”

Even though he had done wrong, Twilight clearly does not want to scare him. She lightens up her face a bit before continuing.

“Now, I know you meant no harm, but your actions almost started a war, and as the princess of friendship, I can't allow you to make a mistake like that again. And as it is now, you need to learn that your actions have consequences.”

“I know, a-and I’m sorry,” he muttered, head still down. “I-I’m ready, headmare Twilight, ma'am.” It’s clear that he’s trying his best to put on a brave facade, despite what he's going through.

“Okay, my head disciplinarian, you know what needs to be done.”

You nod as you sit in the chair facing Twilight, while Starlight exits the room. Sandbar, despite the tough look on his face, visibly tries to keep his legs from shaking as he hops onto your lap, facing your left. “Let’s get this over with,” he says, a slight break in his voice.

You tighten the grip over the ruler in hand, and you begin to administer the punishment.

SMACK!

Sandbar moans slightly but is otherwise quiet.

SMACK!

A slightly louder moan.

SMACK!

A third swat elicits a soft grunt. The spanking is already starting to take its toll. That’s when you turn up the force:

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!

“Ow! Ow, geez! Oww! Come on, not so hard! OW!”

With each smack, he tries to put up a brave front, but it soon fades. He starts tearing up within seconds, but you both knew, it had to be done.

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!

“OW! Come on, that really hurts! OW! Does it have to be so hard?! OUCH!”

Each smack earns an ever-shriller yelp of pain, but at least here, it’s not of enjoyment. But as you continue, you can't help but hear it somehow. You glance around quickly as you go, but nothing stands out. Hopefully it's all just in your head—so far, it’s clearly not coming from Sandbar.

As you continue smacking Sandbar’s bottom, you hear the door open and close, and look up at Twilight for a second; Starlight has returned. You notice a strange kind of look on their faces—eyes wide and cheeks vividly blushing. Probably thinking back to their own experiences. You shrug it off and carry on.

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!

“Ah! Yow! Ooh! Ah!”

By now, the tears are freely flowing. You keep going until Sandbar’s backside is glowing red.

SMACK!

“Oh yeah!”

Wait a minute. That’s not Twilights’ voice. Or Starlight’s. And it can’t be Sandbar’s either.

You look up at them, and see Starlight turn away at the last second. Probably still thinking about her time with you. Twilight fans herself and glances down at her seat, shifting around uneasily.

Somehow you share the feeling of unease, but decide to continue anyway.

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!

“Don't stop!”

“Shhh! They’ll hear!”

This time, you know you’re not hearing things. Something definitely seems off.

You try your best to ignore it and finish up here.

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!

“Owww…” Sandbar is full-on whining now.

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!

“Please…no more…I’ll be a good colt, I promise…”

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!

“Aaaahhhhh, yeah, keep going…”

“Gallus, what are you doing?!”

“All right, what is that?” you finally blurt out, landing one more smack on Sandbar’s butt before glancing around again. You can no longer take the voices with no owners. Thankfully, Sandbar doesn't seem to notice, or care for that matter. Twilight and Starlight, on the other hand, react quickly.

“You know, I do think I hear something somewhere. Is there anypony else here?”

“Well, only the other stu—”

You shush Starlight, and her mouth closes immediately (as she swiftly sits down). You look up slowly, and notice the door is open a crack. Probably where those whispered voices are coming from.

“Uh, e-excuse me, C-C-Corporal, sir?” Sandbar fusses, sniffing and wriggling slightly on your lap. “A-am I d-done here?”

You gesture to him to keep quiet for a minute. Then you set down the confused student and rush to the door. You open it all the way, and five children come tumbling out.

“What the hell…”

In the jumbled mess of creatures, you can’t make out anything definitive for a second or two. As they pull themselves together, you realize that these must be the other students Starlight told you about—the runaways that almost caused an international conflict.

You stand there in awkward silence, just before contemplating what to do next. Finally, you ask, “May I help you?”

“Oh, yes, that’s what I tried to mention earlier,” says Twilight. “Since they all took part in running away, they need to be punished too. That's why I sent Starlight to collect them while you were busy.”

“I told them to wait outside,” Starlight adds with a disappointed tone, “but it seems they wanted to get a preview of what was in store for them.”

“I still don’t understand why we’re all getting punished,” Smoulder the dragon huffs, arms crossed. “It was all Sandbar’s idea!”

“Yeah, yaks no get spanked!” yells Yona the yak, looking disgusted. “Yona spank bald monkey if try!!”

“Guys, come on,” says Ocellus the Changeling calmly (but with a hint of a nervous jitter), “I don't like this any more than you do, but we did all take part in this, so maybe we should just get this over with?”

“We would have,” Twilight interjects, “if you had waited outside. What made you want to listen in on this?”

“More importantly,” Starlight says, “what made you stay when you knew?”

“Weeeellll,” Silverstream the Hippogriff ponders, her talons cradling her face as she blushes slightly, “I always did wonder how discipline works on land.” She glances at Sandbar and her face grows even redder.

“You don’t wanna know…” Sandbar pouts, still sniffling and trembling.

“Eh, didn't sound that bad,” Smoulder brags, “dragons get punished waaaaaaaay worse than this. In fact, bring it! I’ll take whatever you got!”

It’s now that the Griffon, Gallus, walks up to you, his face the reddest of all, his talon running nervously up his other foreleg. He speaks, and you double-take at the voice that you’d heard gaining so much pleasure from Sandbar’s spanking moments before:

“Can…can I go next?”

Now it’s your turn for your eyes to widen, and you almost drop your ruler.

“Nuh-uh, Gallus!” Smoulder caws. “I called dibs!” The dragon then grew red-faced herself, crossed her arms again and turned away. “I-I mean, whenever. Not like I care.”

“Oooh, me next!” Silverstream squeals. “I don’t even think it looks like punishment! It looks kinda fun!”

Great. Just great.

You sigh internally. This is gonna be a long day.

You Spank Starlight Glimmer for Futzing with Time and Other Sick Stuff (by LightningSword)

She stares up at you with shaky, glistening eyes and a grimace of anxiety. But you’ll have none of it. She offered to accept punishment, and this is exactly what she’s getting.

“Can’t we do something else?” Starlight Glimmer asks, shifting in place in the foyer of Canterlot Palace as she glances at Princess Celestia with a furrowed brow. “I mean, I realize I brainwashed a whole town, evaded arrest, stalked and spied on royalty, committed assault with intent, and used dangerous forbidden magic to mess with space-time and create several alternate dystopic futures for Equestria. But . . . you know . . . friendship, right?”

“Nice try, Starlight,” Celestia replies, shaking her head. “If word got out that my incompetent ex-student was soft on a former villain, it would be nothing but disappointment and low ratings for months! We made enough of a mistake letting you join the group as an obvious way to include a second Unicorn and provide another cheap, painfully obvious marketing campaign for toys in your image, and the best way to address that without actually implementing realistic justice and staying within our usual kid-friendly parameters is to give you a good spanking on your naughty bottom!”

Starlight recoils and glances back up at you, the only human ever to exist in Equestria—and therefore, the best stallion for the job. “B-but . . .” she mumbles, glancing up at you while staring uncomfortably at your shoes, “. . . but . . . but . . . .”

“That’s what I’ll be aiming at,” you say in a thoroughly badass voice.

“Good one, Corporal!” Celestia says, grinning. “I figured you would be just the one for the job. No other creature is as equipped to paddle some pony plot quite like you are! After all, who ever heard of a Human in Equestria?!”

“That’s certainly completely and totally unheard of, Princess,” you reply with the utmost assurance. “Rest assured, no villain around here will be getting special treatment. Well . . .” you add hesitantly, “unless you count Discord . . . and Trixie . . . and Sunset Shimmer . . . and the Flim Flam brothers . . . and Suri Polomare . . . and Svengallop . . . and Gilda . . . boy, I’m gonna be busy, aren’t I?”

“Oh, you most certainly will be!” Celestia replies with her best troll smile. “Now, do what your fantastic hands do best, and show this time-traveling troublemaker who’s boss!”

“Wait!” Starlight begs. “You don’t have to punish me that harshly! I mean, I have an emotionally-scarring backstory that’s supposed to make you feel sorry for me and make you forget that I was a criminal! I mean, that’s pretty much the same thing as punishment, right?”

You stare at Starlight, eyebrow raised, for a good few seconds at this. “I won’t even dignify that horse’s-assery with a comment!” you retort. “I mean, that’s the dumbest, most cliché antagonist trope ever written! Which is a comment in itself, but still!” And with that, you pick up Starlight Glimmer by the scruff of her neck and thrust her underneath your armpit, squeezing her tight by the waist between your rock-hard tricep and your sweaty, pungent arm hair that may as well be punishment by itself.

“Oh, and one more thing,” Celestia adds, circling around you and facing Starlight’s face as it points in the same direction as your ass. She shoots a beam of light from her horn directly at Starlight’s horn, and the latter quickly grows a thick, shiny shellac all the way up to Starlight’s forehead. “This will keep you from using your overpowered Mary-Sue magic on the good Corporal while you’re taking your spankies!” she explained. “I could have taught this spell to Twilight so she could use it against you during your fights in the past, but I didn’t! Because no writer who’s shortsighted enough to squeeze your entire redemption into a banal, two-minute song would even think for a minute to let me do something as competent as that!”

“What?! I’m not a Mary-Sue!”

“Oh, quit whining, Sue,” Celestia replied.

“But Princess Celestia, really—”

“Sue.”

“But I’m not a—”

“Sue, Sue, Sue.”

“Just because I’m better than Twilight in every possible way doesn’t mean—”

“Sue-EEE! Sue-EEE!”

“Stop saying that!!” Starlight finally shrieked.

“Stop this, stop that, stop the Sueness, whatever, I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since your smug face took a steamy dump on etiquette by putting your hooves up on the table.” Celestia focuses her gaze on the ne’er-do-well, her eyes narrowed. “You don’t ever put your dirty, grubby, nasty, crap-covered hooves on the table! Cutie Map or not, manners is manners! You can freeze ponies in crystal, you can meddle with time, you can even hurt my student and her friends, but don’t you ever put your icky poo-poo hooves on the table!!”

You stand there with the small pink Unicorn mare wriggling under your arm. “Can I start now?” you ask in a slightly whiny tone, your free hand twitching at your side.

“Why yes, you may,” Celestia replies nonchalantly. “Show this toy-marketing cul-de-sac why your name is Corporal Punishment!”

“Wait!” Starlight screams just as you raise your hand, and turns her head as far as it can go to face you. “Look, you don’t have to do this. You can have a better life! A more acceptable life, where you can make friends regardless of your abilities. Did you ever get jealous of your human friends’ abilities to spank better than you? Harder than you? Well, I can offer you a life where everyone spanks equally. That is, if you let me . . . say . . . take corner time instead?”

There is a long, painful pause as you stare back at Starlight, her twitchy face slick with sweat and her eyes darting back and forth in her head. Her smile made that obnoxious squeaky-toy sound that no one really pays attention to, but still gets under your skin somehow.

SMACK!

“OUCH!”

Your hand flies, swatting Starlight’s perky pony plot. You can feel your hand prickle already, so you can only imagine how Starlight feels, the lazily-written shrew.

SMACK! “Ow!” SMACK! “Ow, geez!” SMACK! “Owww!” SMACK! “Ow, not so hard!” SMACK! “OUCH! Oh, why did have to be spanking?!”

“Well, to be honest, I don’t know,” Celestia steps in to say just before the spanking continues. “I think somepony around here has a really sick fetish.”

SMACK! “Ow!” Starlight squeaks again and kicks her back legs. “Well, it’s not my thing.”

You grin as you pull your hand back. “That’s the point, missy.”

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!

Starlight kicks and wriggles and yelps as you spank her on and on, sure to keep her tail pulled to one side to make ample room for punishment. Starlight’s round, mature bottom jiggles ever so slightly with each smack, and it feels almost hot to the touch. Still, you spank her, punctuating your swats to her backside with what’s on your mind.

“This is for forcing a whole town to believe in your ideology!” you yell as you slam your palm down on Starlight’s reddening cheeks.

SMACK!!

“OWWW!!”

“And this,” you continue, “is for brainwashing and conditioning anypony who stood up to you!”

SMACK!! Again, your hand whales on her bottom.

“OUCH! I’m sorry!!”

“And this is for yelling at Twilight when she called you out on it!”

SMACK!!

“OW-OW-OW!”

“And this is for stealing cutie marks!”

SMACK!!

“OW, PLEASE, STOP!!”

“And this is for evading arrest, stalking, and breaking and entering!”

SMACK-SMACK-SMACK!!

“AAAAAAOOOOWWW!!!”

By now, Starlight’s body is growing limp, and she begins sniffling. This was the best part of a spanking—the submission of the spankee. The fight is out of her now, and her “acceptance of whatever punishment they thought was fair” rings truer here than ever.

But that doesn’t mean it’s over.

“How about one more swat for each pony whose cutie mark you stole?” you ask, grinning.

Starlight gasps. “No! Please, I’m sorry! I’ll never be a naughty filly again! Please, no more spanking! Please, no more!”

But your hand flies anyway:

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!

You lose count after forty, and you’re sure there were more ponies than that in “Our Town”, but Starlight’s screaming and crying throws off your concentration. “Let’s add another six,” you say, “to include Twilight and her friends’ marks.”

“Good idea!” Celestia adds, beaming. “And for added measure, you have to apologize to each of them, Starlight. They may not be here, mostly because of authorial laziness, but you’ll be apologizing anyway!”

And there goes your hand again:

SMACK!!

“OW! I’m sorry, Twilight Sparkle!”

SMACK!!

“OUCH! I’m . . . I’m sorry, Rarity!”

SMACK!

“OW-OW!! I’m s-sorry, P-Pinkie Pie!”

SMACK!!

“AHH! I’m . . . I’m s-sorry, R-Rainbow D-Dash . . . .”

SMACK!!

“OWIE!! I’m s- . . . I’m so- . . . I’m sorry, A- . . . Ap-Applejack . . . .”

SMACK-SMACK-SMACK!!

“OW-OW-OW!! Okay, okay!! I’m sorry, Fluttershy!!”

Celestia sighs and rolled her eyes. “How did I know you’d give her extra for Fluttershy?” she deadpans before you slowly set her down. Your hand is prickling with pain, and you rub it, but that’s nothing compared to the show Starlight’s giving.

She races to a column, jumps onto her hind legs, steadies herself with one hoof against the column, and rubs her dark-red pony butt with the other. “Ow-ow-ow . . .” she whines as she crosses her back legs where she stands, “oooh, this really hurts . . . who knew redemption would be so painful . . . ?”

“Well, if yours hadn’t been so crappy, it wouldn’t have had to hurt,” Celestia says smugly before walking up to the very sore and contrite Starlight Glimmer. “Now, what did we learn from this?”

Starlight sniffs, still pressing her back legs together and rubbing, and although you do find it a bit appealing (there’s more than one perk to spanking pony bottoms, after all), you want to hear what she has to say.

“Do you want to answer, or do you want another session?” Celestia asks brazenly.

Starlight gulps and drops back to all fours, still rubbing her back legs together to assuage the pain. She looks up at Celestia, then at you as you approach, and her face blanches before she starts sputtering her answer. “D-don’t be a time-traveling troublemaker . . . .”

“And?” Celestia asks.

“And . . . don’t cause the apocalypse in several alternate timelines.”

“And?”

“And . . . take longer than two minutes for a true redemption arc.”

“And?”

“And have a more believable backstory that matches the gravity of my actions and isn’t total slapdash crap that insults the fans.”

“And?!”

“Come on, Princess, loosen up,” you calm her. “She got spanked. She’s been punished. She can go about her business now, right?” You give Celestia a playful tap on the rear, at which her head perks up before her eyes press a leering gaze on you.

“Well, well . . .” Celestia says, a sultry grin crossing her face, “I might just ‘go about my business’ with you if you keep that up.”

“Isn’t that frowned upon, Princess?” you reply, not caring if it is.

“So what? I mean, it’s not like every human who comes here has hot, steamy sex with a prominent character. It’s just dumb enough to work . . . .” Celestia swishes her tail around and brushes your backside with it. That was even hotter than watching Starlight rub away the pain.

“This is wrong . . . I’ll bet Luna wouldn’t have spanked me . . . .”

The words are spoken low, but both of you heard them. Celestia turns to Starlight, her eyes narrowed and her voice deep, “What . . . was . . . that?!”

“Luna would have gone easier on me,” Starlight adds, her face all pouty, “she knows what it’s like to struggle with being a former villain with a sappy backstory. She wouldn’t spank me. She’s a nicer, fairer princess than you . . . .” She adds another whisper, lower than before, but still barely audible, “She’s prettier, too . . . .”

Celestia’s face contorts into an almost painful grimace at these words. In seconds, though, she regains her royal composure and smiles brightly, as if greeting the sun on a brand new, beautiful day. Aiming her horn at the floor beside you, she conjures a bright light, and when the light fades, a wooden chair appears where there was once space. A large, thick wooden hairbrush rests on the chair. Celestia then turns to you and simply nods.

You look back in surprise, but the shock wears off quickly. Like clockwork, you scoop up Starlight in one arm, grab the hairbrush in the other hand, and sit down, placing the flailing Unicorn over your lap.

“Hey, what are you doing?!” she screams as you pull her tail up and expose her cherry-red cheeks. “No fair! You already spanked me! Let go! Let go!!”

“You’re all about ‘conditioning’, right?” Celestia says in a ruthless tone as you aim your new hairbrush. “Well, when this is over, we’ll see if you still think my sister is prettier than me!”

WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!!

“Nope, you’re not done. Keep spanking!”

WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!!