Honeypot sighed, then took a lick from a salt pillar she kept stashed in her desk. She hated doing things like this, but she was a businessmare, and business must be done. Settling in her seat, she looked at the door, waiting for the inevitable. Sure enough, there was a quick rapport from the other side, the wood sounding the echo of the knock.
“Come in,” said the yellow-orange mare behind the desk. At the other end of the large, luxuriously adorned office, the great wooden doors opened slowly. Through them stepped a pretty mare though with slightly too much makeup on her gray fur, a slightly mis-done glam manestyle bearing burgundy and wine coloration, and her clothing of choice was a slim-cut pink dress that left her flanks bare, prominently showing off her cutie mark of a single rose. Without even looking up from her desk, the mare already knew who it was. “Ah, Miss Rosie Palms, thank you for coming.”
“You asked to see me, Madam?” said Rosie, trying her best to hide her slightly nervous demeanor.
“Indeed, please have a seat,” replied Honeypot, now looking up and gesturing to one of the two red velvet recliners on the opposite side of her desk. Wordlessly, Rosie did as instructed.
“I’m not in trouble, am I?” she asked, trying to politely get to the heart of the matter.
“Well, no, you haven’t done anything wrong,” replied Honeypot with a tinge of trepidation in her voice. Rosie didn’t pick up on it, as expected, which only made the mare perk up slightly – Honeypot wished things hadn’t come to this, she never liked this responsibility of her job but it always was in the interest of the other mare. “But I regret to inform you that it is in the best interest of The Tender Rodeo and most likely yours as well that your employment be terminated.”
Rosie was horrified. “You…you’re letting me go? I-I don’t understand!”
Honey sighed. “That’s precisely it, my dear – I don’t mean this as an insult, but you’re, how should I say, ‘too’ eager to please customers?”
“Wha? But…I’m an escort. Working at one of the biggest brothels in Neighvada. Isn’t that essentially my job to please stallions?”
“Please them yes…but not risking pregnancy!” Honeypot shook her head. “Your last five customers all mentioned you didn’t insist on them finishing outside nor using a condom in the comment cards.”
“But my last five were also repeat clients – I know it’s a risk but it helps generate business, right?”
“Officially, I’m supposed to say it’s a loophole the Rodeo exploits by not mentioning it costs extra to finish inside one of our mares without a condom, then charge the crap out of them afterwards. But mare to mare? Every time you let that happen, you risk everything – you know pregnancy forcing you to leave the Rodeo would be the least of your problems. You’re still a young mare, young enough that I truthfully don’t believe you even comprehend how difficult it would be to have to care for the child of one of the , ahem, ‘infidel gentlestallions’ who frequent this place – if they were faithful to the mares they actually married, why would they partake of our services instead?”
“I…I understand,” replied Rosie, trying to hold back the tears. “I’ll go get my things and…figure out where I can go from there.” The heartbroken mare got up and slowly went to the door.
Honeypot sighed again – before she’d resolved letting Rosie go was the best option, she’d done some digging into the mare’s viability for jobs elsewhere. It wasn’t good that being a prostitute was the only job she could have found for miles around, in the madam’s mind. Getting up, she trotted over to catch Rosie. “Listen, normally I don’t do this for mares I effectively just fired, but…you’re a good mare, Rosie, you don’t deserve this life. If there’s anywhere else you could go to find employment other than this, I’ll buy the ticket for you since I know your finances are a bit tight.”
Rosie sniffled. “R-really? Well, there is this one place my best friend moved to after we graduated high school…”
“Stony!” exclaimed Rainbow, “I need those rainstorm request forms to sign off on!”
“Yes, boss!” shouted back Sunstone, assistant weather manager of Ponyville. Normally her job was pretty lax – a rather cushy desk job in Ponyville town hall while Rainbow went off to do things with her friends. But during Audit season…it was a whole new headache. Almost like a drill sergeant in the Wonderbolts, Rainbow ran her entire organization in a similar vein. The only silver lining was that by the end of this season of paperwork mountains and writing reports in triplicate, Rainbow would be stepping down from the position of town weather manager and into the horseshoes of a true Wonderbolt reservist. As a result, this meant her position would need to be filled and Sunstone had her sights set on that juicy promotion.
Unfortunately, so did her rival: Thunderlane, the other Ponyville assistant weather manager. While normally a decent stallion, Rainbow had been riding him hard with work ever since he failed to show up and pitch in with moving the reservoir water up to the Cloudsdale Weather Factory. Not so much because he was only one of a hoofful of pegasi who had been no-shows due to a sudden outbreak of feather flu, but because he’d failed to give Rainbow notice one of her two key subordinates wouldn’t be there and give her any sort of time to reorganize her formations appropriately. Ironically, just as much as he was fond of lazing around everywhere as Rainbow herself, he also had a similar level of being able to focus his efforts when work absolutely had to be done. The key word having been “similar” as while he could apply himself just as much, his actual efficiency at office work left something to be desired and so he unintentionally shoved a good portion of his work on his assistant, Wind Chill. And unfortunately for Sunstone, Wind Chill was pretty good at picking up the slack of her boss.
If only I could get one of my own, mentally grumbled the orange mare as she pushed an overstuffed filing cabinet drawer closed, while balancing a tall stack of papers on her back. Indeed, while she and Thunder had agreed to act cordial to each other whenever Rainbow was around – lest they both incur her wrath when she was so testy – all bridles were off otherwise and that included the unfair advantage of Thunder having gotten an assistant beforehoof. I’m so busy these days, I don’t even have time to try and hire one myself, and it’s not like they just pop up out of the-
“Miss Stone?” suddenly came the voice of Mayor Mare, startling the pegasus and causing the stack on her back to fly into a disorganized mess. “Sorry to bother you, but there are two, er, mares here to see you, one of whom said she was a personal friend of yours.”
“A what of mine?” Sunstone asked, momentarily distracted from having to pick up what had been a perfectly good, neat stack of papers a second ago – oh, to have a unicorn’s magic! – as the tone of the Mayor seemed off.
“It would be for the best if you came and saw for yourself,” was all the Mayor replied with, doing little to reassure the worried pegasus.
In retrospect, she’d assumed the worst – that it was a guardspony coming to arrest her for something she probably hadn’t done (which would eat into getting all her deadlines met for auditing while she waited for the court system to prove her innocent), or a family member to inform her about the horrible deaths of her parents in a freak cottonball accident (which would eat into getting all her deadlines met for auditing because she’d need to go to the funeral to mourn her parents), or the worst case scenario; Thunderlane having staged this giant elaborate waste of time to just mess with Stony (which would eat into getting all her deadlines done for auditing because she’d be in jail for viciously killing Thunderlane).
Thankfully for her immediate reputation, her parents, and Thunderlane’s well being, it turned out to be none of the above. Unfortunately for Sunstone, it turned out to be even worse than she could have possibly imagined: two ponies who were clearly of the profession of being callmares were asking to see her. Next to her, Stony could hear the Mayor praying to all the princesses that two prostitutes saying they have business with a government mare was not going to immediately explode into a public scandal. Sunstone would have been dishonest with herself if she would’ve said she hadn’t felt like doing the same thing.
Finally noticing the approaching ponies, the younger mare immediately seemed to lock onto Sunstone and brighten up with a soft smile that the pegasus could have sworn seemed familiar somehow. The slightly older of the pair - with green and blue hair, orange eyes, mahogany coat, and a sugar-coated pea pod cutie mark - made no attempt to hide her minor contempt of her surroundings in her tone as she spoke up. “Ah, so you are Miss Sunstone?”
“I am Sunstone, yes,” replied the orange mare. Unlike the pony she was being addressed by, Sunstone at least was willing to show some respect and be cordial by holding out a hoof to shake. “May I ask who you two are?”
“The name’s Sweet Pea, and-“
The gray mare seemed taken back a bit for some reason. “Wh-what? Don’t you remember me, Stony? We were inseparable back in high school!”
Taking a good look at the mare she supposedly knew already, Sunstone’s eyes widened as realization hit her – in some ways she didn’t recognize the pony at all, but in more she did see things that hadn’t changed in the five years since they went in different career paths. “Oh my Celestia…Rosie?”
“Ha!” exclaimed the gray mare, jumping to her hooves, “I knew you still remembered!” Without warning, she then immediately grabbed the pegasus in a big bear hug. “You have no idea how glad I am to see you!”
“Uh, yeah, same here…” answered Stony with a bit of trepidation in her voice, before breaking out of the embrace and giving her fillyhood BFF a hard look. “But the least you could have done was like, send a letter or something to let me know you were coming.”
“Why?” asked Pea, “You scared of how ponies are going to talk about two mares walk into town hall to meet with somebody who works for the local government, just because of what we do to make a living?” She snorted in annoyance. “You government ponies are all the same – scared of a little rumor of ‘illicit affairs’ purely because-“
“This entire town thought it was scandalous when it was made public that I dye my mane this color,” interrupted the mayor with a frown. “And for the record, I don’t enjoy doing it either – but having a gray mane and tail makes my job a lot easier than if I left it bright neon pink.”
“We’re getting off track,” interjected Stony, subconsciously opening her wings to hover so she could put her forehooves to her temples…or to facehoof given where they ended up. “Look, clearly the faster we get to the point of this little meeting, the faster we can all get on with our lives, so please tell me what exactly you’re doing here, alright?”
“We came to find you, of course!” plainly exclaimed Rosie, not sure why everypony else suddenly facehoofed in response.
“Yes, we know that part,” groaned Sunstone – already knowing she’d need some Neighlieve headache pills later after this. “But why me? I’m just an assistant weather manager of the town, what would two, uh, ladies like you need somepony like that for?”
“You’re also the only pony Rosie says she can trust,” said Sweet Pea. “I’m just along for the ride because Madam Honeypot asked me to ensure she arrived here safely.”
“Wait, Honeypot?” asked Mayor Mare, raising an eyebrow. “As in, the matron of the Tender Rodeo? That’s where you two are from?”
“Uh, yeah,” replied Pea, stunned at the fact somepony who had no business knowing who ran the best brothel in Neighvada had known anyway. “Did your secretly pink hair have something to do with you knowing that as well?”
“My mane? No. My ex-coltfriend from Canterlot High School? Yes,” grunted the mayor in a way that made it clear she was not going into further detail.
Sunstone, who had been trying to figure out where the discussion was going, groaned when she realized the obvious. “Oh, for…Rosie, did you manage to get fired from being an escort or whatever the formal name of that job is?”
Her perkiness reducing slightly, the ex-prostie nodded. “My plans for getting a job as a Las Pegasas showgirl never got off the ground so…that happened, but then Honeypot said I was too much of a risk for business by, um, I guess being a little too enthusiastic about ‘escorting’ if you know what I mean. Anyway, Honeypot did feel sorry for me, so she paid for my ticket here, so I could maybe crash at your place for a while until I find a better job?”
“I see, um…” Sunstone bit her lip as she tried to figure out how to proceed – the truth was she’d been saving up most of her paychecks in the bank in the hopes of buying a house in another year or so, as a result placing her in a rented flat on the eastern side of town. And while she would have happily let her old friend stay for a while until she got ground under her hooves again, there was the matter of the renter’s agreement which limited the amount of time she could keep “freeloading” residents to a week at most. Any longer and Rosie would have to be considered a co-renter by default, but since Stony guessed Rosie didn’t have much to her name in worldly possessions, let alone bits, it would be a significant drain on Stony’s savings. And because it was audit season, she really didn’t need her landlord thinking an ex-prostitute had moved in for the long run, among other things.
“And you know why I can’t turn to my parents,” reminded Rosie with a slight grimace, prompting Stony to sigh as she then recalled why they hadn’t been choice number one. Or rather, choices one and two – while the divorce had been anything but ugly, it was clear it still haunted Rosie to some small degree even though she’d had nothing to do with it.
Suddenly, from within the offices of the building, Rainbow Dash’s voice reverberated almost as if she’d figured out how to do the Royal Canterlot Voice. “SUNSTONE!”
“Huh, guess everypony needs your help today?” said Rosie, trying to make light of the situation.
“Not her,” gulped Sunstone. “That was my boss, who probably wants to kill me now.”
“Ms. Dash,” chided the Mayor, having decided to bring all the ponies involved at this point into the ‘special’ meeting room – the one soundproofed by Twilight Sparkle to make any loud argument of politicians be completely unheard on the other side of the door. “Ponyville has noise pollution sanctions in place for a reason and you know how bad it looks when somepony of your standing in town flippantly ignores them!”
Dash shrugged nonchalantly. “Hey, give me a break, I’m trying to run a tight ship and when one of the two ponies who are supposed to be helping me just up and goes AWOL, that’s half my support gone without me knowing why!”
“Glad to know I’m so valued around here for my paper pushing skills,” commented Stony with a roll of her eyes.
“If you’re going to be cross with somepony, then I’m the one you should be angry at, not Ms. Sunstone,” stated the Mayor. “These two mares came asking for her, so I went to go fetch her, and the discussion was running past a few minutes.”
Glancing at the two unfamiliar ponies in the room, Rainbow couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow.
Sweet Pea noticed and returned her own raised eyebrow, along with assuming a sultry pose. “See something you like?”
“You mean a pony thinking I’m attractive? Don’t swing that way, but thanks.”
Not used to being rebuffed in such a manner, Pea merely scrunched her face in annoyance. Letting the moment pass, Sunstone figured she should just give the quick version. “Alright, Rainbow? The one hitting on you is Sweet Pea, the other one is Rosie Palms. Without going into too much detail, Rosie lost her job as an escort and so came to find me for support while she tries to find another job. Pea is just here to ensure Rosie got here okay.”
“And before you ask,” interjected Rosie, “the only reason Sweet Pea hasn’t left s, uh, you still haven’t said I can stay with you in the interim.” She then added “and before that question is asked, the answer is no – Stony and I were BFFs back in high school, and this is the first time we’ve seen each other in years.”
“Oh, okay, I understand,” nodded Rainbow. “But like, you are going to help her out, right Sunstone?”
So much for having time to decide for myself, thought Sunstone, hiding her annoyance. She knew deep down she would have agreed anyway, but at least not before letting Rosie know it was going to be more complex than sleeping on a couch for a month or two. However, Dash automatically latched onto the fact they’d been old friends, and obviously as the Element of Loyalty among Princess Twilight’s inner circle, she would favor Sunstone acting loyal to an old friend. It was selfish to value the potential for personal gain here, Stony knew, but as long as it didn’t negatively affect Rosie, what harm could it do?
“Totally!” eagerly nodded Sunstone. “I just hadn’t said I would because, uh, this just came out of the blue and all and, well…my place looks like the Cutie Mark Crusaders tried getting their cutie marks in being house maids in it.”
“You know they actually got their marks two months ago, right?” pointed out Rainbow, slightly miffed at the indirect insult to Scootaloo, who Rainbow cared for like a little sister.
“Doesn’t make my comment any less valid.”
“I-I can help clean up your residence!” interrupted Rosie, with a hint of desperation as if she seriously thought Stony wouldn’t take her in because her house was too messy.
“Well, uh, gee, that…actually would be really nice!” said Sunstone. It would mean one less thing to worry about while she was caught up in auditing hell.
“I’ll let Mistress Honeypot know you’ve arrived safely,” said Sweet Pea, looking more than a bit relieved to be getting out of small town Equestria. “I left your bag in the waiting area, Rosie, figured you wouldn’t mind.”
“Here, I can at least walk you out,” offered Sunstone, but Pea shook her head.
“Nah, it wouldn’t look good for somepony like you to be seen with a…promiscuous mare like me, remember?” Pea gave a final smirk and then let herself out the door.
“Totally think she would have thrown herself at me before too long,” said Rainbow after a few minutes had passed, getting questioning glances from the Mayor, Stony, and Rosie.
“Nah, she was just messing with you,” corrected Rosie. “Sweet Pea actually isn’t one of Honeypot’s escorts like I was – Pea’s one of her bodyguards. She just pretended to look like a slut while accompanying me on Honeypot’s request.”
“Really? Dang, she did a really good job of giving off the wrong impression, then.”
A sudden gasp from the Mayor prompted the other three ponies to turn to face their leader. “What’s wrong?” asked Sunstone.
“I just had the most horrifying realization,” said the pale grey-haired mare. “Our newest town resident is a former mare of the night-“
“Yeah, former!” retorted Rosie. “I’m kind of getting a little sick of everypony acting like I’m a changeling or something – for the record being an escort meant I gave love, not eat it!”
“No, that’s just it – one of this town’s more infamous residents, Pinkie Pie, loves giving parties to all ponies who are new to Ponyville the day she learns they exist. And if she learns you were a prostitute, that means it’ll inevitably be a ‘Welcome Ponyville’s newest prostitute’ party.”
Author's Note
When I thought up this idea, I was five minutes into watching Apocalypse Now: Redux (the guy punched the mirror in Saigon for reference). The cow in the helicopter was when I'd decided on the rough plot.
I can't tell if this makes me as crazy as Curze or crazier.
