It Wouldn't Work

Today was the day, Lyra Heartstrings was going to confess her feelings to the human living in Ponyville. She had spent hours making sure her fur was soft and spotless, her mane done up and without tats and of course that her teeth were clean. After using a full bottle of mouthwash she was confident that her mouth was clear. Spraying a few puffs of perfume she nodded, looking to the label on the front that stated it would attract the attention of a stallion, hoping it would have the same effect on a human. Looking in her bedroom mirror she smiled with confidence.

"You're going to do it Lyra, you're going to march on over there and tell him you love him!" She amped herself up and took a deep breath before popping mint in her mouth to make sure her breath didn't smell of the hay bacon she had for breakfast that morning. Smiling she trotted out of her room with a skip in her step.

Once reaching the bottom floor of the house she headed towards the door. Looking to the living room she saw her roommate Bonbon reading a newspaper with a cup of coffee on the arm of the couch.

"I'm heading out Bonbon." She said with excitement.

"You're going to see that human right?" Bonbon asked with a frown and half lidded eyes.

"Of course! Today is the day I finally confess to him and make him my coltfriend!" Lyra exclaimed with joy. "Later Bons, I've got a human to get!" With that she shot out of the front door with incredible speed.

Bonbon just looked at the door with a bored expression. "Poor mare, she doesn't know what she's doing."

In a house near the edge of town a human lay on the brown couch in his living room. His long gray hair reaching down his back while his piercing purple eyes looked up at the ceiling. He wore a simple purple t-shirt, grey jeans and purple sneakers. Looking up at the ceiling his eyes were wide as he let his thoughts run free.

"Nothing's happened today, no monster attacks, no friendship problems with those six mares and no royalty has visited...I'm scared." He said, having experienced everything this world had to throw at the small town, invading vines that got a little too touchy with the mares in town, a huge three headed dog attacking, a spirit of chaos and who knows what else, so if something hadn't happened there was something wrong, and that scared him.

Suddenly he was pulled from his thoughts as a knock on his front door tore his attention away from the ceiling. Raising a brow as he wasn't expecting any visitors, he got off the couch and headed towards the door, first looking through the peep hole that he had installed as the last time someone had come to visit unexpectedly he was taken prisoner by the CMC. Looking through the small piece of glass he spotted Lyra sitting outside on his porch.

Shrugging he opened the door and looked down at the mare. "Hello Lyra, what can I do for you?" He stopped and sniffed the air a bit. "Is that Attirer Fleur for mares?" He asked with a raised briw, knowing what the perfume was because of the time he helped Roseluck at her perfume shop.

"H-Hi Symbol. U-Um, y-yes, it is." She replied nervously.

"You trying to get a stallions attention or something? Because that stuff may make you smell nice but I have never seen it once attract a stallion, the only reason they do approach the mare with it on is because it's a clear sign that they are looking for someone." He said as he folded his arms and leaned on the doorframe.

Lyra took in a deep breath and smiled nervously at Symbol. "Symbol, we've know each other a long time right?"

"For how long I've been here you've been checking up on me for about 95% of the time so yeah I'd say so." He replied with a shrug of his shoulder.

"So...you'd say we're good friends?"

Symbol blinked and smiled slightly. "Yeah, I'd say we are."

This helped Lyra a little as a small amount of her doubt washed away with his smile. "So, have you ever thought about being...more than friends with somepony?" She asked with hope.

"Nah." He stated simply, causing a whole truckload of doubt to be added to Lyras overflowing supply.

"Why?" She asked with worry and curiosity.

"Well it's just never been something that I see as important, I'm fine on my own." He wasn't oblivious, he knew where the conversation was heading, he just wanted Lyra to ask first but hopefully put her off beforehand. "Haven't had need of someone on earth, I don't have the need for someone now."

Lyra was now visibly sweating. "W-Well, if a...close friend were to...ask you out on a d-date, would you consider it?"

Symbol just blinked at her before looking to her with half lidded eyes and a frown. "What's this about Heartstrings?"

Lyra took in a deep breath and built up her courage. "Symbol, I've come here to ask you out on a date." She stated proudly.

Symbol just looked at her. "Sorry, but I'm going to have to decline your offer."

"What?! Why?!"

"Well for starters I'm not attracted to ponies physically." He stated bluntly.

"What about emotionally? If you look past species we could make this work." Lyra pleaded.

"Lyra, I literally come from a world where ponies are nothing but animals that we use to ride on and place in races or entertain our six year old daughters for awhile before they get bored of the idea. Not to mention that ponies there are not attractive, in, the, slightest. If I were to enter a relationship with a pony here I would constantly see them as a realistic pony from my world." Symbol explained.

"Didn't you say something about humans liking interspecies stuff?"

"Yeah, some humans are open to the idea, I'm not one of 'em."

Lyra huffed. "Well there is sure to be something that can change your mind, maybe a spell could stop you from-" She was cut off as Symbol put a finger to her lips to silence her.

"Lyra, I'm going to have to stop you right there, I'm not changing myself just to fill your human fetish. And there is a lot more to this than just not seeing ponies in a romantic light." He stated calmly.

"Why now!? Ponies make changes all the time for relationships!"

"Yes but they are actually in the relationship to begin with, we are not and were never will be."

"Alright then what's the other reasons?" She demanded.

"Well I've already said that I've never wanted a relationship beforehand and I don't want one now. Also there are the biological effects to think about."

"Oh come on please?!" She pleaded with desperation.

"No."

"Oh come on there has to be some built up frustration or desire for companionship!"

"No Lyra and that's final." Symbol turned away slightly.

"Then at least consider friends with benefits." She pleaded tiredly.

"No I don't like that sort of thing and even if I did I would want to fuck other humans. Do you have any idea how procreation and sex drive works?" He asked with annoyance.

"I could act like a human, I'll do anything please!" She gasped out.

"Lyra, it would literally be fuckimg impossible for me to do it with you."

"Why!?"

"Back on earth, a few guys got a little too friendly with the horses and ponies and did it with them, afterwards they contracted illnesses and in some cases died." Lyra looked at him horrified. "Just from having sex!"

Lyra was at a loss, he was dead set on not agreeing to this, it wasn't going to work.

"Look, walk away Lyra. I'm going to go back inside and ignore the fact that this moment ever happened, I suggest you do the same. I still want to be friends, so I'm going to forget all of this." With that he closed the door and let out a sigh, watching her walk away slowly from his peep hole.

As Lyra made it home Bonbon took one look at her friend and sighed. "He rejected you didn't he?" Lyra merely nodded. "Did you keep pressuring him?" Another nod. "Did he start getting harsher with the rejections because of your constant attempts to persuade him?" A final nod.

"I'm just...going to bed for awhile." She walked up the steps to her room and slammed the door shut before groaning in frustration.

Bonbon waited until she could hear the sound of snoring to sneak out of the house. Once she did she made a run for the edge of town. As she reached the edge of the village she saw Symbol waiting for her. "There, that should stop her from ever attempting to get you to go out with her again." She said with a confident smile.

"Still, did I have to be so harsh on her? That biological stuff I said doesn't apply to me anymore thanks to Cadence' spell." He said with a bit of regret.

"It's tuff love, it will make sure that she knows to stop trying."

"And why couldn't we just say that we're already an item?" Symbol asked with a raised brow.

"Are you kidding? She's been crushing on you since the day you got here, it would break her heart to find out her best friend got to you first." Bonbon waved her hoof. "Anyway, enough of that, what's say we get going hot stuff?"

"Alright alright, let's get going." The two began walking side by side towards a restaurant on the outskirts of town.