Shadowbolts Adventures: Get Rekt

by DragonShadow

Rating: teen
Tags: Shadowbolts (EqG), Equestria Girls, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle (EqG)
Length: 3695

Sugarcoat invites all of her friends to play a friendly game of Swords N Bullets Online with her. Chaos and silliness ensue.

A few weeks after Fleur De Lis was kicked out of Crystal Prep Academy for indecency, Sugarcoat is still feeling down. So to cheer her up, her friends offer to play one of her current favorite video games with her, Swords N Bullets Online. What could possibly go wrong?

Rated T for Adult Language

Published 2016-02-14 22:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-14 22:40:01 UTC

Scrub

Get Rekt

Sugarcoat was sitting on the steps in front of Crystal Prep academy with her arms wrapped around her knees, watching the cars whiz by with their students inside. Teachers took off in a hurry, students took off with their parents, some took the bus, and Sunset Shimmer took off on her motorcycle. Sugarcoat's eyes narrowed at the sight, even weeks after Fleur De Lis had been officially kicked out of school, despite doing nothing wrong. It had been evidence enough to justify getting rid of her...

"You okay there, Sugarcoat?" Sunny Flare sat down beside her and put a hand on her shoulder. "You still look pretty worked up."

"Yeah, come on, cheer up!" Lemon Zest dropped to the step beside her, while Indigo Zap and Sour Sweet stood behind her. "It's been a week! You need to relax!"

"Muh..." Sugarcoat grunted back sourly.

Sunny Flare just responded with a kind smile. "How's Fleur De Lis doing?"

Sugarcoat took a few moments before reluctantly responding. "She seems fine. She's actually a lot happier at CHS, I think. She never had the best grades here, I think it was just a lot of pressure. Plus now she doesn't have to hide her relationship."

"He's doing well too, I take it?" Sunny asked.

"As well as can be expected for someone who's currently unemployed..."

"So why are you so down in the dumps?" Indigo asked curiously. "Everything worked out, right? Everyone's happy."

"Accidental good fortune doesn't mitigate the fact that I'm the reason they got kicked out of Crystal Prep." Sugarcoat grunted. "All because Principal Cinch is holding a crazy grudge against us... which had nothing to do with them."

"I understand how you feel, but you can't dwell on this, Sugarcoat," Sunny Flare told her. "What's done is done. I get regret, but you need to move on at some point and enjoy life again. Now how about this, let's play one of those video games you like so much. We can all join you."

"Seriously?" Sugarcoat quirked an eyebrow. "You guys aren't gamers."

"Maybe not, but that doesn't mean we can't play games with our best friend. Right, girls?"

"I'll totally play with you!" Lemon Zest exclaimed with a grin.

"Yeah, count me in too!" Indigo Zap agreed with a grin.

Sour Sweet grinned in delight. "Getting all of us on a team together sounds great! Nothing could possibly go wrong!"

"Well, I have been needing a team to play Swords N Bullets with..." Sugarcoat smiled softly. "Alright, let's do it. Maybe I can show some of you what I like about games..."

***

The skies were almost supernaturally blue, and the swaying fields of grass were almost like a sheet of solid green, sweeping back and forth in a delicate ballet with the wind that swept across them. The sun was high in the cloud-speckled sky, a perfect picture of natural beauty that could only be crafted by loving hands. The grass swept up and down the massive, rolling hills on into the distance, where one could only just make out the sight of water rippling up against the landmass that it surrounded on all sides. It was a perfect, untouched island paradise.

--Welcome to Swords N Bullets Online. Opening Party Chat--
--Sugarcoat Has Joined the Party--
--LemonZest Has Joined the Party--
--IndigoZap Has Joined the Party--
--SourSweet Has Joined the Party--
--SunnyFlare Has Joined the Party--
--TwilightSparkle Has Joined the Party--

"Woohoo!" LemonZest leapt up and down in the air, her light leather boots pounding the grass around her feet as her body materialized out of the crisp blue sky. "Game time!"

"Thanks again for playing with me, girls." Sugarcoat swept her gaze across her friends as their bodies completely solidified. "I think I really do need to just chill out."

"Don't mention it. We could all use a break from real life sometimes." SunnyFlare turned to look around at their environment. "I've got to admit, I'm not a big fan of our outfits, but this world is just beautiful."

LemonZest giggled. "What's wrong with our outfits?" Her head shifted downward to the chain-link bikinis that each girl wore except for herself, which was a tight leather bikini instead. "I think they're really hot."

"They do know their primary audience." Sugarcoat quipped.

"What do you even call armor like this?" IndigoZap asked. "Do you even call it armor?"

"This is the best kind of armor," SunnyFlare corrected her. "It protects the important parts of a woman. Which does not include the heart, lungs, or brain."

"I like to call them chainkinis," Sugarcoat interjected.

"Whatever you wanna call them, I call them hot." LemonZest's head didn't move away from IndigoZap's body. "I wonder if anyone makes bikinis like this in real life. I would rock something like this at the beach."

"Hmmm, I feel like rust would become an issue," SunnyFlare pointed out.

"Not to mention the chafing and pinching," IndigoZap added. "Seriously, ow!"

"Oh yeah, that's a pretty good point," LemonZest sighed. "I guess I'll just have to play more video games."

Sugarcoat nodded her approval. "I could think of worse plans."

SunnyFlare turned curiously towards TwilightSparkle, whose head was looking back and forth across the group, but who had remained conspicuously silent. "Twilight? You're being awfully quiet." Twilight's head turned toward her, then she silently looked out over the others, her head turning slowly. "Twilight?"

LemonZest bounced up and down in front of her. "Yoohoo! Twi-twi! Anybody home!?"

Suddenly the figure in front of them began to speak. "Ear me now?"

SunnyFlare nodded."Yes, we can hear you now."

"Oh good!" TwilightSparkle exclaimed with relief in her voice. "It turns out my headphones have a mute button! Very convenient, I must say."

"There's also an option to mute others in your menu," Sugarcoat told her. "You'll probably need it, trust me."

"Okay, now that we know we're all here and working, we should try to strategize," SunnyFlare took charge.

"I vote we run in and hit them with swords." IndigoZap held up a massive piece of steel almost the size of her body in her right hand. "That has to work."

"But I chose the sniper class, I don't think I have a sword." Twilight held up her own weapon, a magnificently overcomplicated piece of hardware with a barrel three times the length of her arm. "Also may I just say the laws of physics in this game are kind of out of whack?" She hefted the weapon over her head despite it being a hunk of metal bigger than she is. "I feel like an olympic level bodybuilder holding this thing."

"Video games are unrealistic? I never knew!" Sour Sweet quipped.

"Whatever you guys wanna do, I'm the medic, so just call Lemon Zest to get all patched up!" LemonZest spread out her legs and thrust her pelvis forward as she lifted her hand into an enthusiastic peace sign. "Okay that was just weird... but also hot."

"Yeah, the emotes know their audience too," Sugarcoat pointed out.

--Opponents Found: Match Initializing--

"Ah! Finally!" Sugarcoat turned toward the horizon, where they could just make out six characters standing on one of the far hills, complete with names floating above their heads. "Wait... is that TheMashter?"

"That's what the thing says," SunnyFlare confirmed. "Why, do you know him?"

"Hmph." Sugarcoat fell silent for a moment before suddenly shouting. "Hey I see you over there you little faggot! Are you ready for me to rip your cock off and fuck you in the ass with it?"

"Um..." TwilightSparkle grunted in surprise.

"I feel so confused..." LemonZest whimpered.

"I approve!" Sour Sweet exclaimed. "Finally she says something I can get behind!"

"I see you over there with the biggest gun, Mashter!" Sugarcoat continued. "You seriously must be overcompensating for your tiny pencil-dick!" Suddenly a massive blue laser swept out from the other team, crackling energy sweeping across the land and engulfing Sugarcoat's character. Moments later the light faded away, leaving a hole in the grass where it had touched, with nothing left of the character besides the chain bikini, which suddenly plopped to the ground like a pair of useless rags. "Lucky shot!"

"I told you that bikini was useless," SunnyFlare declared.

"Holy crap! They're coming!" TwilightSparkle whirled to run away from the now-approaching army.

SourSweet howled after her. "Hey! Don't you run away! Shoot at them!"

"I'm not running away! I'm strategically relocating!" TwilightSparkle reached the top of the nearby hill before suddenly being engulfed in a massive explosion. Her bikini plopped to the grass moments later. "Hey!"

SourSweet pumped her fist in victory as the spent rocket cartridge popped out of her massive cannon and embedded itself in the grass. "Deserters will be punished!"

"Hmmm..." SunnyFlare turned to watch their opponents quickly close the distance. "It's four to six. I'm no strategist, but I think we're at a disadvantage."

"Run away and let us respawn." Sugarcoat advised. "We won't lose unless we're all dead at once."

"Aw man, but I wanna see some action!" IndigoZap swung her massive blade in an arc in front of her.

"There's a difference between a noble death in battle and committing suicide. Now come on, let's get out of here!" SunnyFlare turned to run from their opponents across the grassy field, flanked on either side by IndigoZap, SourSweet, and LemonZest. Laser fire lit up the grass around them from the enemy team, several blasts striking their intended marks, though they didn't react besides to have their HP brought down a bit.

-Sugarcoat Has Respawned-

Sugarcoat's body formed once again as her chainkini lifted from the grass into position in the air, her flesh forming between the metal bands. She was already moving by the time her body had fully formed. "Aha! Come and get me Mashter!" Sugarcoat's hands shot into the air over her head with two particular fingers saluting the sky as she trailed after the rest of her team. "Girls, make sure you turn on retreat mode. We'll get to safety and plan our counterattack."

"Retreat mode?" SunnyFlare asked curiously. "Oh huh, there really is one." Suddenly her body lurched forward, her arms stretching out to her sides as she ripped through the grassy field like a ninja from an anime, or a video game character. "And now my butt is hanging out."

"It sure is!" LemonZest giggled. "I'll follow you anywhere!"

-TwilightSparkle Has Respawned-

TwiightSparkle's armor floated up from the grass into place as her body began to reform, her rifle fitting snugly into her arms. Quickly she whirled away from the oncoming attack, but she was too late, there was already someone between her and her teammates, holding a sword longer than her body was tall leveled at her head. "Eeep!"

"Y'arr harrr!" A joyous male voice boomed from behind her. She turned to see a man with a small car perched on his shoulder covered in probably pointless lights. He was flanked on each side by more of his teammates, other girls with equally absurd weapons. The name floating above his head said he was TheMashter. "Me thinks yer not goin' nowhar matey lubber!"

"Excuse me?" TwilightSparkle asked.

"Mesaid yer not goin' nowhar matey lubber!"

Twilight was silent for a moment before speaking. "I'm sorry, but I don't think that's English, this isn't a pirate game, and I don't think that's proper pirate-speak anyway. Why are you-"

"Okay, okay!" TheMashter exclaimed. "I won't have fun, are you happy now? I said you're not going anywhere!"

"Oh, I've been captured? So what happens now?"

The boy's throat cleared for a moment before he spoke again. "Ye will take us to yer friends where we will kill them all and seize their booty!"

"Where you'll what?"

"Their booty! Treasure! Pirate booty!"

"Oooohhhhhh..."

"Methinks yer mind be in the gutter!"

"It's not my fault everyone in this game is almost naked!" Her head slipped up and down his own bare barrel chest, which looked like it was carved from granite. "A-anyway, I'm not going to help you find my friends! I'll never betray them!"

"No? Not even fer victory?" the man slipped smoothly toward her, or as smoothly as the stiff animations would allow. "Ye know ye can join us and we can swab the lubbers good and... and... hard!"

"I don't think swab means that!" Twilight exclaimed. "And I'm still not betraying them!"

The girl standing beside TheMashter stepped forward with an audible sigh. The name over her head read LadyBelle, and she spoke in the most adorable soft voice. "We've been trying all day just to get one win. Won't you please help us out? It would really mean a lot..."

"Oh... I-I mean..." TwilightSparkle stammered as the others gathered around her. "I mean..."

"Pleeeeaaaaase?" The girl's voice crackled through the speaker, as TwilightSparkle slowly looked around her at the gathered group.

***

"Turn left! This map has some caves we can hide in and set up an ambush!" Sugarcoat called to her friends. So they all turned and, almost like the land had been cut in half, the grasslands gave way to bulbous mountains that seemed to be leading up to a two-dimensional volcano in the far distance. The group ran into the mountains, and Sugarcoat led the way to one of the caves, where they took refuge from the sun outside.

"Twilight? Are you still there?" IndigoZap asked curiously.

"She probably didn't respawn in time to join us," Sugarcoat noted. "The game keeps track of how far we are from each other unless we set up a specific party chat."

"So she's been captured by the enemy. Great." SunnyFlare sighed. "They had better be polite to her."

Sugarcoat smirked. "This is the internet. I'm going to say that's not happening."

"Well, at least we can heal up! Come here!" LemonZest approached IndigoZap, her hands reaching out to touch and caress her body as a faint white sparkle emanated from her fingertips. IndigoZap stuttered through her microphone as SunnyFlare huffed into hers. "Hehehe, I really do have magic fingers here!"

"Geeze, okay, my HP is full now, you can stop healing me!" IndigoZap moved away slightly, but LemonZest followed.

"Are you sure? Maybe just a top up!" LemonZest laughed as her hands trailed up to the top of Indigo's body.

"Damnit, Sugarcoat!" SunnyFlare finally snapped. "Why do you play this stupid game!?"

"What do you mean?" Sugarcoat asked curiously.

"This game is stupid! It's ridiculous, completely asinine, and sexually offensive! Women only exist to sexually titillate hormonal teenage virgin boys, and I know you're too smart not to notice it!" SunnyFlare vented her frustration into the microphone, only cooling down slightly once she got her rant out. "Why is a girl as smart as you supporting a game that trivializes and demeans women? I mean I'm not that easily offended, but good Goddess!"

"Mmmh, well you're not wrong," Sugarcoat admitted smoothly. "The game is pretty ridiculous and demeaning."

"So why are you playing it?"

Sugarcoat's response was as smooth and matter-of-fact as ever. "Because it reminds me not to take myself so seriously all the time." There was silence over the microphone until she continued. "You know how I used to be. So full of myself, refusing to partake in nonsense that didn't push my education forward, and telling people how stupid they were so that they could maybe stop being so stupid. I was a jerk, and I don't want any of you to deny it. Games like this are stupid, they make me feel silly and weird... I just can't take myself seriously while I'm playing it. Is it really so bad to be a little embarrassing or silly in a virtual world that doesn't mean anything to anyone?"

"Being silly and weird is really fun sometimes if you ask me!" LemonZest chimed in. "Especially if there's boobs like this involved!"

"Seriously, Lemon, my HP is full! Stop groping me!" IndigoZap backed away from her, then turned to run as LemonZest gave chase.

"Come on! I'm being silly and not serious!" LemonZest cackled.

Sugarcoat didn't move, speaking in a more quiet tone. "Yeah, I like to make myself be stupid and nonsensical sometimes. It keeps me grounded, and reminds me that I don't have to take everything in life so seriously all the time. Are you gonna think less of me now?"

SunnyFlare was quiet for a moment before responding. "Of course not. I guess I can see what you mean. I mean yeah, that's clearly intended to entice horny boys..." She turned to watch as LemonZest's healing hands found their way around IndigoZap's torso once again. "But I guess it is kind of funny, in a ridiculous kind of way."

"If you think that's funny, you should see the animation for looting dead animals in single-player mode," Sugarcoat quipped. "I think it would get you arrested in a lot of places in real life."

"Girls? Are you in here?" TwilightSparkle's voice spoke as she moved into the cave, scanning the area curiously.

"Twilight!" LemonZest whirled in excitement.

"How did you get away?" Sugarcoat asked curiously. "I was sure you were going to be captured."

"Oh, they, er... I mean I managed to get away before they reached me." TwilightSparkle sputtered for a moment before she could give a solid answer. "Come on, I think I found a really good spot where we can ambush them! They're on the move!"

"Alright. With six of us back together again we can-" SunnyFlare went silent as an explosion cut her off, and soon TwilightSparkle's chainkini once again fluttered empty to the cave floor.

"Sour Sweet! Come on!" Twilight whined through her microphone.

"I don't trust deserters!" Sour Sweet lifted her rocket launcher to her shoulder again, with the barrel spewing smoke through the cave.

Suddenly laser fire began to light up the once dark cave, as blasts flew in through the cave entrance. Sugarcoat yelped in surprise. "Crap! They followed Twilight! Everybody scatter!"

"I've got this!" IndigoZap threw herself forward, the flat of her massive blade blocking several shots as she rushed her opponents. She didn't get too far before a massive girl-sized laser ate through the darkness, and her entire body. "Well crap, I forgot about that..."

"At least he can only use it once every few minutes!" Sugarcoat ducked behind one of the boulders opposite the cave entrance, returning fire with her own laser blasts. "We have a chance to take them out before it recharges!"

"Y'arrr! Yer not gettin' a chance ta do anyt'ing me matey lubbers!" The Mashter returned fire with his own smaller lasers, which bit into the rock around her.

"What in the world are you even saying?" SunnyFlare demanded.

"I know, he needs to work on his pirate," Twilight agreed.

"Fuck pirates!" SourSweet leaned out of cover suddenly, sending a rocket flying at their enemies. the deafening explosion echoed through the cavern, and cut down their opponents by two immediately.

"Woohoo! You go girl!" LemonZest grinned, only to vanish a moment later as a laser punched through the side of her head, which was two inches outside of her rocky shelter. "Awww..."

The laser fire continued for several minutes on both sides, piercing the darkness of the cavern again and again as the combatants took each other down. Sugarcoat howled when TheMashter took her down with his next charged shot, but he went seconds later to a barrage of shots from SunnyFlare. It wasn't long until it was just SourSweet and LadyBelle left in the cave, and SourSweet was the one with the rocket launcher.

SourSweet cocked her weapon as she leaned against her cover, the spent shell rebounding off the top and tumbling to the ground behind her. "You're gonna give up in one piece, or give up in a thousand pieces. It doesn't make a difference to me!"

"I don't give up! Aaargh!" LadyBelle leapt out from her shelter, the game going into slow motion as she dove across the room and opened fire on SourSweet's rock with a storm of bright red lasers. SourSweet leapt out the other side at the same time, her rocket launcher sending a single missile barreling straight towards her.

-TwilightSparkle Has Respawned-

The rocket slammed directly into LadyBelle's chest and fire engulfed the girl, dropping her armor to the floor moments later while the game returned to full speed and SourSweet rolled to her feet once again.

"Man, that slowdown mechanic sucked!" SourSweet grumped. "But whatever, we won!"

"If we won, the game should have ended by now..." Sugarcoat noted just seconds before a piercing laserblast ripped through SourSweet's gut. SourSweet's body vanished from the cave, leaving just TwilightSparkle and her smoking sniper rifle.

"Hah! Suck it!" TwilightSparkle exclaimed in victory as the cave flashed.

"Y'arrrr! Great job me matey!" TheMashter's jolly voice howled. "We be seein' each other again some time!"

"It won't end this way next time, Button!" Sugarcoat jabbed before their connection to the other team cut off.

-Betrayal Successful. 5 Points to Team Button, 2 Points to TwilightSparkle-

"Twilight? You betrayed us!?" SunnyFlare exclaimed in shock as the world vanished once again into a blank white screen.

"I knew it! I fucking knew it!" SourSweet growled.

"It seemed like the highest chance I had of winning..." TwilightSparkle cackled nervously. "You're not mad at me, are you? It's just a silly game... right?"

There was silence across the headphones for several minutes before SunnyFlare spoke again. "Of course it was a silly game, where we can relax and do whatever stupid things we want. You did a good job, I didn't even consider that they had converted you to their team."

"I told you! Did I fucking tell you or what!? Aaaargh" SourSweet raged at the end of her headset.

Sugarcoat chuckled. "So, who's ready for round two?"

"I'm in!" LemonZest chimed in immediately. "This game is hot!"

"Sure, that was actually kind of fun," TwilightSparkle added.

"Great! How about the rest of you?" Sugarcoat asked.

-IndigoZap Has Logged Off-
-Sunnyflare Has Logged Off-
-SourSweet Has Logged Off-

Sugarcoat just grunted. "Well, their loss. I'll queue us up with some randoms..."