The Most Annoying House Guest

by Harmony Pie

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Other, Comedy, Slice of Life
Length: 3223

Rainbow Dash thought that she had finally gotten rid of her adorable "infestation." She was very surprised to see it turn up again at the foot of her bed one night.

Rainbow Dash's plan was just to relax and read Daring Do books all night long. Too bad it was interupted by a certain bat pony colt, begging "Blue Mommy" to have a sleepover with him.

This is a contest entry for ocalhoun's Big 250k Contest.

Review by MixMassBasher

Awesome Reading by Winged T. Spears

Published 2016-02-08 04:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-10 22:01:15 UTC

Batty

Rainbow Dash found it was pointless to read the Daring Do books only once. After all, how would she absorb every little detail about Daring's amazing adventures? So she had settled on that night to try and read as much as possible.

No, she wasn't an egghead. It was just...being awesome within the mind. Yeah. At least that's what she told Twilight whenever the alicorn found Rainbow following another one of Daring Do's quests.

Wings aching from a day of flying, the pegasus stumbled up to her bed, before collapsing onto its blue blankets.

It was already dark, and black shadows stretched across Rainbow's walls. Yawning, she flicked on a light with her hoof, and settled down against her pillow with a book in her arms.

"Daring Do and the Temple Quest," she muttered to herself, flipping open the page.

"Let's see," Rainbow said quietly, squinting at the words. "Daring Do—"

"Hey, Blue Mommy?"

The mare yelped and jerked up, nearly smashing her lamp in the process. Rainbow whipped back. Her book went flying across the floor as she fell out of her bed—radically, of course.

She definitely didn't land on her head. "Uh, what?" she cried, trying vainly to get her bearings. Rainbow peered around to her bed post, her heart pounding in her ears. There was only one pony that called her that...

"Blue Mommy!" the grey foal exclaimed again, scurrying up to Rainbow like a puppy. "I miss you!" he cried out, as mournfully as a little colt could manage, before pressing his face into Rainbow's fur.

Pushing back, the blue mare's mouth failed to form words. What the-what? She blinked, and then blinked again, at the all too familiar bat pony colt, who continued to press his light blue mane into her chest.

"Batty?" she asked incredulously.

The colt pulled away for a moment, and gave Rainbow a huge, childish grin. "Yes!" he shouted, like he had just won the lottery. "It is me!!"

Rainbow Dash continued to stare at him for a minute. But then she regained her cool, and picked herself up. She fluttered over to her Daring Do book strewn across the floor, and made sure to tuck it under her covers. Batty didn't need to be aware that Rainbow liked... awesomeness within the mind.

"Kid," she began, rubbing her face with her hoof. "What the hay are you doing here?"

Batty jumped up suddenly, and squeaked. The sound itself made Rainbow Dash wince. "I am here to- to have a sleepover with you, Blue Mommy!" His eyes grew so wide Rainbow was sure they would pop.

With a sigh, and a half smile, the pegasus plopped down besides the colt.

"First off; I am not your mom," she said, chuckling at the way Batty’s ears flickered.

"Okay, Blue Mommy!" he chirped, saluting her like a soldier.

Rainbow liked this kid.

She cleared her throat. "But seriously—" she was cut off by the sound of scampering hooves. Rainbow turned around to the sight of the colt that had been right in front only moments before, now determinedly dashing into the kitchen.

"Hey, little buddy!" she called, following after him with a sigh. Now what? She had to get this little guy home before something went horribly wrong. She could already feel her relaxing night slipping away.

"Batty, what are you doing?" she stopped in her tracks when she saw the colt, who had managed to crawl up to the cupboard. He had one leg dangling over the counter as he squirmed closer to his prize; a cookie jar.

Rainbow facehooved. She watched in bemusement as Batty struggled to climb up, and finally succeeded in grabbing the jar between his hooves. He let out a squee of victory, and tumbled down to the floor.

"Look, Blue Mommy!" Batty shouted in sheer glee, leaping up to face the mare. He clasped the jar up in the air, before sitting down on the floor with a thud. He then proceeded to stuff his face.

"Oh, did you make these, Blue Mommy?" Batty asked, shoving another cookie in his mouth.

Rainbow Dash groaned inwardly. "No, I did not! And hey, those were mine, by the way!" Her slightly hurt look was ignored by the colt, who smiled.

The pegasus rolled her eyes, staring down at the bat pony who had just invaded her house and now was stealing her very special cookies. She probably would have called the police...if he wasn't so freakin' adorable.

"Alright Batty, slow down. I don't know what your parents are feeding you there, but chill kid. You're gonna make yourself sick."

The colt continued to munch even more vigorously than before.

Rainbow sighed, chuckling. Without a sound, she dipped down and hoisted Batty into the air, despite his cry of protest.

"Nah uh, I ain’t letting you just sit around in my kitchen, eating my food, in the middle of the night," she said, as sternly as she could manage.

The colt squealed, and kicked futively against his captor’s back. Rainbow Dash grumbled, and dumped him on top of her bed.

"Listen," she started, standing above him. Batty shook his head, tilting is nose up high like some fashion pony Rainbow knew.

She laughed, rolling her eyes. "Not gonna talk, huh?" she asked. Sighing, she turned around.

"Fine, you win, kid." The cyan mare, with a flap of her wings, retrieved the cookie jar from the floor.

"There," she said. "Now spill. Why are you in my house?"

Batty had already bitten off a piece of cookie, and glanced up at Rainbow with puffed out cheeks.
"Cause you're my Blue Mommy!" he exclaimed, knocking over the jar.

Rainbow didn't even try to deny it anymore. She sat next to the colt on the bed. "Look, it was real nice meeting you a couple of weeks ago, but don't you think you're parents are looking for you?" she inquired softly.

The grey pony stopped eating for a moment, and his ears fell. "No, s'kay. They’re sleeping right now."

Rainbow Dash pressed her lips together. "Yeah dude, but what happens when they wake up?"

Batty looked up into her rose colored eyes. "I'll be back then. 'Sides, they won't even notice," he said quietly.

Rainbow pulled back, and cocked her head to the side. "Won't notice?! What are you talking 'bout, kid?" She pulled Batty closer and rubbed his head playfully.

The colt giggled but then he grew solemn. "I know Mommy and Daddy love me, but sometimes they have stuff to do. They don't always have... time for me." He looked down. Rainbow felt her heart jerk a little bit. She hated to see the little kid like that.

Batty's frown disappeared. "But, now you're here! I missed you, Blue Mommy, so I thought you wanted to have a sleepover!" he exclaimed. "Y-you do, right?"

Rainbow snapped out of her trance and bit her lip at his wide, pleading eyes.

"Uh, uh, sure?" Her eyes darted around.

"Really?!" Batty shouted, bouncing on the bed in excitement, his leathery wings flapping. Rainbow flinched, bringing her hoof through her multicolored mane.

"Nrrggg," she groaned, trying to sort through her mind. This kid was so adorable, and obviously really liked her—but what if she got charged for foalnapping? Or didn't get any sleep? Those were two very serious things.

She glanced back down at the colt, who squeed. "Please! Please! Please! Please!" he gasped, wagging his blue tail like a dog. "Please! Please! Pleas—"

Rainbow tackled the foal, and clapped a hoof over his mouth. "Just stop—" she jerked back in sudden revulsion, frantically wiping her hoof on her bedsheets.

"Did you just lick me, kid?!"

Batty stuck his tongue, grinning wildly. "Nope!"

Rainbow Dash groaned, almost laughing despite herself. "How'dya get like this, Batty? You're gonna make me pass out from cuteness!"

Batty gasped, bringing a hoof up to Rainbow's head in childlike concern. "Is it contaminous, Blue Mommy? Are ya sick?"

The blue pegasus shook her head in mirth. "No, buddy, it's not contagious. Though I wish!" She squished his face playfully. Then she pulled back quickly, shaking her head. Rarity was starting to rub off on her. She was not a softie.

"Ok," she said carefully. "You can have a sleepov- ahem- you can stay here for a bit, seeing as there's no getting rid of you."

The young colt clapped his hooves together, running up to Rainbow's floofy chest. He hugged it tightly, making little happy horse noises. "You're the best!"

Rainbow blushed, although surprisingly enjoying his warm embrace. "Yeah, yeah. I know," she said brashly, awkwardly petting his head. Batty sat back, immediately remembering his snack.

While munching contently, he tilted his ear up. "What are these called, Blue Mommy?"

Rainbow cackled, wiping her eye. "You've never eaten cookies before, Batty?" She shifted on the bed.

Batty made a face.

"Well, then again, you've never eaten cereal before so..." Rainbow put a hoof to her chin in thought. The colt beside her offered her the circular dessert, also putting a hoof to his chin.

Rainbow nommed on it absentmindedly. What to do with a little foal? She had never foalsat before!

"Hey, Batty?" she asked. The colt fluttered his wings slightly.

"How would you like a bedtime story?" Her voice cracked a bit.

Batty shot up, shrieking at a pitch that almost made Rainbow's ears bleed. "Yes! Yes!" he yelled, placing his arms around Rainbow Dash. But then he paused. "We're not ready for it yet!"

Rainbow waited ever so patiently.

"We need an amazing fortress! Of pillows and blankies and things, Blue Mommy!"

Rainbow Dash blinked. "Of course. I'm so sorry, it just slipped my mind for a second - how could I forget about that?"

Batty nodded vigorously. "It's the rule for bat ponies," he said, jumping down from the bed. He scrambled off of his rump to the closet.

Rainbow couldn't hide her smile.

"Ah, ah, Blue Mommy! Look! Can I wear it?"

Rainbow poked her head inside the closet, following Batty's gaze to a pair of pajamas. She blushed, trying to shut the door.

The foal blocked it with his hoof.

"Can I please? Pretty please? It looks so soft!" he cried out, prying the closet door open. The cyan pegasus groaned, reluctantly pulling forth the green sleepwear that looked just about the colt's size. Oh, and it was a onesie.

Rainbow gave a sheepish smile. "Okay, but if anypony asks, these were not mine when I was younger. Deal?" She held out the clothes in her arms.

Batty grinned. "Deal!" he agreed, grabbing it from the older pony. He tried to push it over his head - but failed adorably.

Rainbow laughed, walking up to help get it on. She pulled his hooves up to each sleeve, and stood back to take in the whole picture.

Batty giggled, bouncing from the room to Rainbow's bedroom. He stopped at their amazing architecture.

The cyan pegasus stared in a sort of awe at the huge pile and assortment of blankets before her. Man, that colt could really built a fort.

She whistled. "Good job, squirt," she praised to the energetic foal. Batty, squeaking, dove into the opening. "Come on, Blue Mommy!" he called.

Rainbow Dash trotted forward, ducking low to make it into the fort. The blanket brushed her back as she hunkered down.

"Hi! Come on!" Batty patted the spot beside him on the pillows, shouldering the blanket.

"Okay," Rainbow said, smiling fondly. The whole tent was bringing a wave of nostalgia over her. She laid next to the foal, bringing out her Daring Do book from under her wing. Thankfully, Batty didn't ask about her love for the series.

"Batty, you sure you can handle the awesomeness that is Daring Do? Some of this stuff may be a bit too intense for little foals." Rainbow looked down at the colt who snuggled up against her side.

"I am not a little foal, Blue Mommy. I can take it!" He grinned proudly.

Rainbow was skeptical, but she cleared her throat.

"Chapter One," she began.

"Daring trekked through the blazing hot sand, wiping the grit from her eyes. Each step weighed a thousand pounds, and every breath was a struggle. Daring sank into the dune, vainly swallowing whatever moisture was left in her mouth. Was that it? Would she never find the Temple of Sacred Sands, and retrieve the Golden Idol of Sphinx? The pegasus could feel her strength slipping away after the long journey.

Just as Daring was sure she would breathe her last—"

Rainbow broke off when she heard the sound of gentle snoring beside her. Batty had curled up against her side, and had dozed off, most likely as soon as she had started.

Rainbow pulled a wing over him, watching the colt. She had just met him twice, and she already felt like they close. Ugh, she was sappy.

Batty stirred. "Goodnight Mommy," he mumbled.

Rainbow's eyes widened at the lack of 'Blue'. But, come on, that was priceless. She stroked his fur lightly with a feather.

"Goodnight, Batty."

Author's Note

Sorry this is so short, but I hope you enjoy this little sequel! (dang it, where are the bat pony emojis?) :pinkiehappy:

Bath (Bonus Chapter)

Author's Note

Just a fun extra chapter for the "Moarers" out there. I hope you enjoy!

Also, the picture is not mine. It just happened to fit almost perfectly.

Edit: As Count Blue Nova pointed out, the original story did say that Rainbow didn't have a bath. I missed that piece, until I already wrote it, so I hope you can over look it:twilightsmile:

Bath (Bonus Chapter)

Rainbow Dash awoke groggily. She firstly rolled over to the left, stretching out her wings. She blinked blearily.

Then she rolled to the right--and screamed. There was somepony staring right at her! Oh, no! What? Oh my gosh! Oh.

Rainbow Dash sighed heavily, pulling back from the intruding face. It was just Batty, of course. He was standing on the pillow, watching her without a sound.

His blue hair nearly covered his eye as his muzzle twitched carefully. The cyan pegasus groaned, pulling herself up to a slouching position.

"Geez, kid," she mumbled. "What are you doing?"'

The colt smiled slowly, his hooves bouncing a bit in their makeshift bed. "I was watching you, Blue Mommy."

Rainbow Dash just stared at him. That's not creepy at all. "While I slept?" She rubbed her face.

"Yeah. You so pwetty," he said, too quiet for Rainbow's liking. The mare immediately jolted up and crossed her arms over each other.

"Hey, I am not!" she protested, a blush blossoming over her face. "Take that back! Now!"

Batty grinned, tilting his head to the side. "Nope! You pwetty! You pwetty! You pwetty!" While the colt chanted, he did a little dance. "Is true!"

Rainbow Dash shook her head violently. "That's so not true, dude! I'm just... awesomely good looking!" She nodded in approval to herself. Yeah, that sounded right.

Batty stopped suddenly. "Oh. Ok, Blue Mommy," he agreed. Giggling, he wrapped Rainbow Dash in great fuzzy hug. The mare accepted it with a concealed daww.

Then she snapped back to attention. He was covered in crumbs.

Rainbow jerked back, giving Batty a sly look as an idea came to her head. "Do you know what you have to do now?" she asked, brushing some stray cookie bits off her coat.

The colt cocked an ear. "What, Blue Mommy?"

"You, have to take a BATH!" she cried, grabbing Batty to her chest and picking him up.

"Really?! Oh, oh, yay!" He squealed, flapping his wings in excitement.

She carried him to the bathroom, her head held high despite his reaction. She knew he loved baths, but still, colts were supposed to scream in terror at the thought. Pshh. Whatever. At least Batty would be clean.

"Alright," she sighed, dropping the grinning foal on the rug. Rainbow flicked the overhead light on as Batty jumped up and down. "Bath. Bath. Bath. Bath," he chanted, wagging his tail wildly. "Bath!"

The pegasus shook her head fondly at his antics, before flitting over to turn the water on. It poured out from the gold tap, steam already wafting from the top. She reached in with her hoof, nodding in approval when deemed Batty-worthy.

With a grunt, she pulled the crumb covered sleepwear off the colt.

"Ok, kid. Hop in."

Squealing, Batty wasted no time in leaping in the inch deep water, and causing a few flecks to fly at Rainbow's face. The cyan mare chuckled, and watched as Batty attempted to shove his face underwater.

"Hold on, little buddy," she said. "Got to wait for the bath to fill up."

Batty jerked up, giving her an odd look. "But what about..." he whispered.

Dash leaned closer, raising her eyebrow. "What about what, kid?"

Batty shifted in the water, kicking his little hooves against the pooling heat. "You forgot the toys!" he cried incredulously, shaking his head disapprovingly. He stuck out his lower lip.

Rainbow Dash pulled back, shutting her mouth. This guy was starting to know how to get to her. "But Batty," she sighed. "I don't have any foal toys."

Batty threw his gaze to the pajamas against the wall. Rainbow Dash laughed nervously.

"Alright, I might have a small action figure of Spitfire," she admitted.

The colt clapped his hooves, sinking further down in the tub in glee. "Ok, Blue Mommy!"

When Rainbow Dash returned, (with toy grasped between her hooves), Batty gave a cry of joy. He reached out and took it from the reluctant pegasus, who squinted her eyes.

"You better be careful, kid, that's a one of a kind edition," she warned, smiling.

Batty made a vague nodding motion, already making little airplane sounds as Spitfire dodged the spout of water.

"She fly through the air like a...a Blue Mommy!" he said in a low voice, as if reporting the actions of the Spitfire doll.

Rainbow Dash covered her mouth in mirth.

Batty suddenly stopped, and turned up to face Rainbow with an interesting look on his face. "Blue Mommy," he began carefully.

"I think--I think there's something on my hoof," he continued in the same tone. He reached out to the bewildered Rainbow Dash, who cocked her head at the colt.

"I don't see anything."

Batty shook his head, keeping his red eyes locked on the older mare. "You have to touch it to see it."

The logic, however ridiculous it sounded, still made Rainbow feel obliged to bring her hoof to his. "Uh, ok....."

splash!

Rainbow fell headfirst into the shallow water, her legs splaying out in a most undignified way. She gasped, twisting her head up and slipped against the sides.

"What the?!" She screeched, choking on laughter. Batty's upside down face was shaking with giggles.

"Oh, very funny." Rainbow slowly pulled herself up, pushing back her wet mane.

Batty squeaked in mock fear, sliding up against the back of the tub. But then he reconsidered, and came in to give Rainbow a hug.

"Now you can play Wonderbolts with me, and look at the waterfall, and--" he was cut off by a loud bang. It came from Rainbow's mudroom.

“Thundernight Moonglade Kerfluffle Fangling?!"

Rainbow froze. "Oh, ponyfeathers."