Internal Randomness

by halothair

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1977

A series of random drivel that is somewhat pony-related.

Some minds have a clear story in mind while writing.

Other minds simply jot down whatever sh*t happens to pass through their brain.

Guess which one this is.

Basically, this is just a series of short stories with no correlation, featuring any ideas that pop into my head that will most likely never actually become real stories.

Nothing is owned by me.

Published 2016-03-01 04:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-17 03:49:56 UTC

Rarity's Normal Day

It was a normal day in Ponyville.

Rarity was just putting the finishing touches on her dress when she heard a knock at the door. "Just a second!" she called out. There was a big order for twenty dresses that month, and numbers one through twelve were coming along nicely. She finished her thirteenth design, put her needle down, and quickly trotted to the door. She opened it and made her usual greeting:

"Welcome to the Carousel Boutique, where everything is chique, unique, and-"
She cut herself off as she realized what she was looking at.

Pinkie Pie was standing right in front of her door, her hair straightened and her face contorted into a look of pure insanity. On that face, blood could clearly be seen in various specks. But all that was nothing compared to her attire; a series of different ponies' cutie marks, torn off their bodies and sewn together into a mismatched amalgamation.

What happened next would change everything.

"Rarity..." Pinkamena drawled as she reached behind her and pulled out a single, bloody knife.

"Your number's just come up!"

"That's nice, darling."

"What?"

As a direct opposite to Miss Pinkamena, Rarity was in perfect condition. Wavy hair, a bright smile...in fact she seemed not at all concerned about the sight in front of her. She walked inside and called to her friend, "Well, don't just stand there, Pinkie, I did know you were coming after all."

Pinkamena's face contorted into a confused one. She looked around to see if this was some sort of prank. Seeing nopony, she asked "Y-you did?"

"Why, of course!" Rarity said as she continued smiling. "What sort of friend would I be if I didn't prepare to have each and every one of my friends come over and visit?"

"Visit?" Now she was really confused. She had come over to claim Rarity as another trophy, and she was happy about it?
"Yes indeed." Rarity sat down on her couch and looked expectantly at her friend. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

Pinkamena was, at this time, a little bit frustrated. "I- I already told you, your number's come up!"
"Pinkie," Rarity began, "you did already mention that, but I'm afraid I can't today."

"You can't toda- it's not a choice you can make!"
"But I have a massive shipment due in a week, and I can't take any time off to take part in your silly games."

Now she was really upset. Pinkamena stood up and yelled, "GAMES!? DO I LOOK LIKE I'M PLAYING AROUND HERE?"
"Pinkie-"

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHY I"M HERE? DO YOU GET THROUGH THAT TINY BRAIN OF YOURS THAT I WANT TO KILL YOU?"
"Well, you see-"

Pinkamena shoved the knife in front of Rarity's face. "THIS IS A REAL KNIFE! THIS HAS BEEN USED TO MURDER PONIES! I KILLED DIAMOND TIARA! I KILLED GILDA! JUST A FEW HOURS AGO, I! KILLED! BUCKING! RAINBOW DASH! AND NOW I"M HERE TO KILL YOU! AND I CAN"T EVEN-"
"PINKAMENA DIANE PIE!"
That shout was just loud enough to be heard from all across Ponyville, and startle a certain flower-related trio. Once it stopped reverberating across town, Pinkamena stopped in shock at her victim's outburst. She then muttered, "Yeah, Rarity?"

Rarity took a deep breath and quickly explained to her pink friend that not only was her whole "killing ponies" thing a hallucination from too much sugar, and that cutie marks would leave the body once dead, but that nopony was actually dead, especially not Rainbow Dash who had visited only a few hours before. Once she finished, they were both left sitting there in silence.

"Huh." stated Pinkie. She blinked a few times, and looked at her knife, then at Rarity, then her not-covered-in-the-cutie-marks-of-the-dead-body, then at Rarity again, and then she smiled awkwardly and said in her meekest voice possible, "Um, I'm just gonna-let me-I can explain my-I have to go."

Once Pinkie had walked back to Sugarcube Corner, clearly trying to avoid the eyes of anypony, Rarity closed her door and went back to her work.
"Hey, Rarity?"

Rarity turned and looked at her sister, Sweetie Belle. Already exasperated at the previous encounter, she sighed and turned back to her work, grumbling, "Not now Sweetie. I'm very busy at the moment."
"Okay, yeah, but what in the wide world of Equestria was that noise earlier?" inquired Sweetie. "It kinda sounded like a bomb going off."

Rarity closed her eyes and groaned. "Well, Sweetie, that was me. Pinkie Pie visited me earlier today with another attempt to get me...'cupcaked'."

Sweetie's eyes widened. "Again? But that's, like, the seventh time that's happened! Shouldn't you do something about that?"
"Nonsense! She'll get over it. And if it does continue, I'll inform Princess Celestia, she'll get thrown in a dungeon, be cured of her obvious mania...you know, just like last time."
'Oh, yeah. I remember that." Sweetie smiled and laughed, "That was quite the adventure. I just hope we never have to see that camel again."

Rarity tut-tutted and remarked, "Don't be racist, Sweetie. Now, have a good day at school!"
"I will! Bye!" Sweetie ran off to join her friends, and Rarity went back to her fourteenth dress.

Just before she did, she thought to herself:
I swear, if I hear one more word about those stupid 'Cupcakes' again, I am going to murder somepony.

It was a normal day in Ponyville.

In which Twilight Sparkle saves the world yet again

Blammo! Magic!
"Have some more wings, on your head, on your butt, everywhere!"

And she most certainly wasn't a Mary Sue.

Everypony "Loves" Discord

Twilight Sparkle was doing calculations with her friends, and she turned to them and said,

"Okay, girls, there's a 92% chance that the death of all life in Ponyville was due to one of you, a 5% chance that time travel was involved, a 2% chance that Fluttershy was the culprit, and then there's only a 1% chance that Discord was behind everything."

Before she could continue, Rainbow Dash tore the paper out of her friends hooves.
"I knew it!" she cried. She then flew out to beat the dragon-crap out of Discord for no good reason.
Everypony else said, "Celestia damn it, Dash."

Author's Note

The first episode of the 4th season was not good in my opinion. This is my attempt to recreate the feelings in that episode by use of humor.

Comedy.

Heart Breakers

"...Shining?"
"Hello, Princess."
"Shiny, since when did you call me Princess?"
"Since you decided to call her Twily."
"..."
"..."
"...so you heard everything."
"...yeah."
"Do you... do you want to talk about it?"
"No."
"Oh."
"But if we don't, nothing's gonna be accomplished here."
"...right."
"So... heh, I don't even know where to start."
"...at the beginning?"
"Okay."
"...listen, I don't want you-"
"When did it happen?"
"I-I can't- I just don't want you to-"
"When. Did. It. Happen?"
"...it was the first day that we...did it."
"It? You mean- oh. It."
"See? I knew this would happen. You're freaking out and-"
"Cadance."
"...yes, Shiny?"
"Don't call me that."
"..."
"The day we did...'it', was the day I proposed to you, wasn't it?"
"Yes."
"And you were struggling with the decision."
"Yes."
"Because I told you you'd have the best sister."
"I- ...yes."
"...it wasn't because you loved me, was it?"
"NO! I mean- no, Shi- Shining Armor, I do love you! I love every moment I spend with you and Flurry!"
"But you're not in love with me, are you!"
"I- please don't make me-"
"Say. It."
"Please. I- I can't-"
"SAY IT!"
"OKAY! I DON'T LOVE YOU! I LOVE TWILIGHT! ARE YOU HAPPY!?"
"..."
"...I- I love Twilight. I look at her, and I think to myself, 'Self, that's the type of pony I'd like to be someday.' I never thought of doing anything to her, you understand that, right?"
"Yeah. Her."
"...but..."
"...but?"
"I can't be with her."
"...why not?"
"Because it was too late."
"I- I don't understand."
"She moved to Ponyville. She didn't have contact with us for months, Shining. Months."
"..."
"She was having so much fun with her friends, and I never had friends. Did you know that?"
"...no, I didn't know that. But then, I didn't know that about you either."
"Ha ha."
"Go on."
"Promise you won't yell?"
"...I'll listen as best I can."
"That's all I can ask."
"Okay, go."
"Well, I realized that after the fourth month, I needed to see her again. You don't just love somebody like that and forget about them."
"Mm."
"So I- I wanted to make her jealous. And so I..."
"Married me."
"Yeah."
"...how did the spell work?"
"The spell wasn't for love for each other. If it was, Chrysalis would've been...killed."
"What? Why didn't you tell me that?"
"I didn't even know until Auntie Celestia told me a few minutes ago!"
"...you told her."
"No. She found out."
"How?"
"Shining. How does she find out anything?"
"Hmm. Good point. Continue."
"Okay, where was I?"
"Wedding."
"Yes, the wedding. Believe it or not, that was the best day of my life. You have to agree."
"I do agree."
"You do!?"
"I don't know whether I believe it or not."
"...oh."
"..."
"..."
"...finish up the story."
"...well, it- it got easier over time. We became protectors of the Crystal Empire-"
"An unexpected turn for everyone."
"-then the Equestria Games-"
"Kinda seems like most of our festivals have some sort of disaster either before, during, or after."
"-and then...Flurry."
"Flurry."
"...she's..."
"A joy."
"Yeah. I love her so much."
"Which one of them?"
"...well...both. I love you for helping me bring her into this world."
"And Twilight?"
"...right. Twilight."
"..."
"..."
"...did she- did she kiss you back?"
"...only after a minute or so."
"...huh."
"..."
"...that's kinda hot."
"SHINY!"
"Hey, you're not denying it!"
"...okay, maybe it did feel good."
"I knew it!"
"...for about a minute, anyway."
"Oh, yeah."
"...so, that's it. Now you know. Your dearly beloved wife has had a crush on your sister since she was old enough to date, and I kissed her in our hallway."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"So. What happens now?"
"..."
"...Shiny?"
"...I say it's up to you."
"What?"
"I say you have two options. You can either stay here with me and keep things together, or you can go seek your true love."
"...those choices suck."
"I know. But we have to decide now. I think I heard Celestia calling my mom."
"Eeeyikes."
"Yup, so not looking forward to that conversation."
"Hahahaha!"
"Heh heh..."
"...I think- I think I wanna stay."
"You do?"
"Sure."
"But- but- but your true love!"
"Shiny, I realized a long time ago that Twily and I couldn't be together. When she became an alicorn, she had even less time to meet with me, so i decided to not pursue any false hopes."
"...so, you're staying with...me?"
"Yeah, I guess I am."
"Can you handle not being with her?"
"Will you still support me after what you learned?"
"...yes. Yes, I think I can."
"Then yes, I'll get over it. Besides, your sister already told me she's considering Rarity."
"...so now what?"
"Now? Now, we go outside. We look our friends and family in the eye-"
"Hoo boy."
"And we tell them the truth."
"The whole truth?"
"Ye- well, I suppose we could leave out a few details."
"Okay, are you ready?"
"...yeah, let's go."
"Okay. But before we do-"
"What are you- Mmph!"
"...Mwah! I love you Princess Mi Amore Cadenza."
"...and I love you, my knight in Shining Armor."

"Wait, did you say Rarity?"

Author's Note

Just a random story that popped into my head. I don't ship Cadance with Twilight or Twilight with Rarity. Except when it's really hot.