Help the Gullible to Buy a Little Fable~

Thump. Thump.

Pat's boots being tossed aside at the front door alerted Matt to her presence. It was well past eleven; when she was due to arrive home from the Armoury. He was still up, sitting at the dining table trying to imagine this conversation playing out. He had convinced himself this conversation had to happen now. He couldn't wait any longer. He has to do this no matter what the outcome.

"Oh, you're awake, eh?" She observed as she came around the corner. Giving him a smile she crossed behind him to the kitchen counters. "Did you save me something to eat, eh? “ Nodding, he points towards the microwave, and she pulls out the plate of food without reheating it. She doesn’t like it when her food is nuked in the microwave, says that it dries out the food and causes it to go bland. “I completely forgot that tonight was the Captain’s retirement party, so, sorry for forgetting the time and being late, eh. They had food, but of course since it was Blackadder it was all greasy junk, eh." she finished with a laugh.

She turned around and leaned against the counter-top, digging into the cold mashed potatoes and steamed vegetables with gusto. Not much of a supper, but it’s the only food I can prepare outside of the microwave and toaster without burning it. Still, the mashed potatoes are a little over boiled…

"It’s nice of your mom for cooking for us, eh. I don't know how we will get on without her just up the road, eh." She said with a mouthful. He nodded half-heartedly; of course she assumes it was my mother who made us dinner. She still doesn’t believe I can make something other than heating up Hungry-Man frozen dinners.

Her eyebrows knitted together, visibly questioning the silence. He wasn't quite ready to dive in, so he stalled by asking her how work went.

She pulled a face, "Awful, eh. Grudge is crawling all over us trying to find out who is responsible for a missing GPMG, eh...but interrogating the guys is going nowhere, eh. We are now assuming that someone forgot to pack it up from our field ex last weekend, eh.” She said tapping her foot against the somewhat dusty kitchen floor; I need to sweep before going to bed. "I’m still trying to get my head around the fact no one noticed the missing machine gun until we took in stock today, eh." He gave her a sympathetic look. Pat took her new position seriously, and whenever something went missing she literally makes it her life goal to find whatever is missing or she’ll be in deep shit. She looks to be tired judging from the dark half moons beneath her eyes. With a sigh, she finished her last bite tossing the plastic plate, and fork haphazardly into the sink.

"I’m tired, so, I’m getting into bed now, eh." She told him in a yawn. Matt gave her an annoyed look.

"I guess I'll do the washing up, then?" He replied, casting a glance at offending dishes in the sink. It was always him doing the cleaning around the apartment.

"Thanks, you scrub lord, eh~" she laughed him off, and quickly gave him kiss on his head as she left the room.

Defeated, he rose to clean today’s dishes. This wasn't going as planned. It was so late and she'd clearly had a long day looking for something out of her reach. Maybe this could wait until tomorrow? He pause, and looked down the hallway at their bedroom. Soon enough she crossed the doorway in nothing, but her undergarments. She looked good. A fanciful thought crossed his mind; if they reached an agreement tonight maybe they could rustle the bed sheets?

As he finished drying the last plate he felt her arms close around his chest. With her being taller than him her cheek rested against the back of his head. He glanced over his shoulder. She was probably not thinking along the same lines as Matt about bedtime activities with her wearing an old night shirt.

"So, I’m not good at guessing games, eh. Everyone knows that eh. Are you gonna tell me what’s bothering you or what, eh? I don't got all night as I'm tired as fuck, eh."

He sighed and turned to face her, resting his damp arms around her waist. He didn't know where to begin. He settled on what’s the most important to him.

"I love you."

"Oh damn, it’s gonna be that bad, eh?" Pat teased as she rubbed his shaved head for a moment.

"It's nothing bad, well, I hope not." He retorted and tried to focus back on her, but found himself looking at Pat with a confused and tired expression on her face. "It's just... I think we need to talk about having a kid again." As he finished his sentence he felt her arms drop from his sides. He pulled his own from her to allow Pat to take a step back, which she did. She let out an aggravated groan as her head dropped downwards.

"It's late, and I’m tired, eh. I’m out, eh.”

"Whenever I bring this subject up you are always tired or busy. When would be a good time?!"

Pat rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. She was withdrawing herself from the situation physically and emotionally. Matt stood his ground, and advanced. "I'm serious about this Pat. I think we have waited long enough.” Her face at the moment is hard to read. No doubt grief and anger is plaguing her mind. ”You say that we don't have the time, but we can make time." She may have put on a stony expression, but he notices that her fists are clenched as if she’s thinking over if fighting is an option that can get her out of this. He may have to prepare himself for an onslaught of punches from her.

Soon her face set in a frown and her eyes misted over with an old memory, "What makes you think it could even work,” this time, eh? She asked giving the end of her question particular significance

"I know what happened then was...difficult-"

"Eh?" Pat scoffed. "A math exam is difficult, eh." She really does hate math… anything above division and she’ll shut down.

“It was hard for me too. I’m just saying that you're probably giving that too much power. I've been ready to try again for a couple years now." Immediately he regrets the words as they leave his mouth. Pat's eyes went dark and she looked as if she would lunge at him for a moment.

"Of course you've been ready, eh. The little ember of life inside of you didn’t get snuffed out before the doctors can do anything, eh.” She’s shaking with rage now that was quite obvious. "You have no idea what that felt like, eh." She spat at him bitterly

At her response Matt could feel adrenaline course through him. It grated him when she talked of their shared tragedy as if it were solely her own.

He wanted to lash out at her.

He’d been devastated by the loss of the baby, and the way Pat began to shut down in the months that followed. His parents are old and sick, sad as it was, served as a welcome distraction for him as he frequently visited them which helped him focus on something else for a while. But he made a promise to his parents that he will give them grandchildren to hold and spoil.

But, the both of them always ended up right back here; suffering and holding themselves apart. It was a pattern he had long ago noticed. He feared they were doomed to repeat indefinitely. Neither of them had ever fully recovered from that event, but he was always quick to heal and move on unlike Pat.

When it was clear it was both their deepest desire to do so it seems as though they wouldn’t be able to bridge the chasm that formed between the two. He couldn't think of how to fix the situation. The two are stubborn, and are waiting for the other to give in first, but it was clear that neither of them were going to budge.

Matt knew it, then.

When he opened his mouth once more, the words had difficulty escaping him. They were stuck deep within his throat. After a pained moment he managed to croak out a declaration of defeat- they would both be losing this war of theirs.

"I can’t do this anymore." he said quietly. Pat's eyes widened.

The implication of his words hung heavy between them. For what seemed an eternity they stood in silence. The idea of them no longer being 'them' was an unfathomable scenario for him, and he was sure it was the same for her. From the first time they met he couldn’t picture his life without her. Their lives were so connected, and intertwined it reflected on that they knew each other in every possible way. Matt knew Pat so well in fact that he knew the issue of children would always be met with opposition on her end.

What he was finally realizing about himself was that he could no longer accept the stalemate between the two. The price of the mile is becoming to much for him. The longer he march the more time he wastes. He can no longer accept this as part of his life. He must do what he thinks is the best course of action.

Even if it meant doing the unthinkable.

"W-what are you even saying, eh?" Pat asked, her face having reverted back to a frown. He met her eyes briefly and then looked at the dusty floor.

"Matthew...I love you, eh." Pat said, voice hitching. Matt looked up at her face and she wore the expression of a wounded animal; wide-eyed and frightened. This was the closest Patricia would ever come to begging. He was letting her down, and his heart sank to see her standing before him so many years later knowing that.

I love you too, but" I just don't think that's enough anymore." Their love for each other is no longer going anywhere between the two, and he knows it. He knew of it for months.

"What are you...I don't..." she stumbled over her words from confusion. She looked as terrified as he felt. He willed himself to remain firm, to not allow her broken walls tempt him in moving forward to her. They had both suffered the consequences of their indecision for too long. Neither of them is unable to win. They can only lose.

"Pat, If it isn’t a sign that we aren't going in the same direction anymore with the way we even talk about starting a family then I do not know what is. We can't even get through a conversation about what happened. Someone said to me a week or so ago... uh, I don't remember the wording exactly," She rolled her eyes at me once more." But, to move forward even after a tragedy we got to have the willingness-"

"What, eh? Who's the idiot saying this bullshit, eh!?" Cutting him off, Pat snapped.

"Does it matter?" Matt wanted to kick himself for slipping that bit of wisdom in.

"It does, eh."

"Sparkles, she's one of the medics-" Pat's eyes narrowed like a hawk zeroing in on its prey.

"I know perfectly well who she is, eh." Pat cut across him venomously "You think it's ok to go around telling others of my personal business, eh?" she shouted. Annoyed he shook his head, this feud was quickly devolving into what may become a brawl. He wanted to talk this out calmly, but Pat didn't seem ready to cool anytime soon.

"Patty..."

"Don't 'Patty' me, eh. You think I sit around at work telling the guys about your problems, eh?"

“I swear to god-“

“Don’t give me that crap, eh!”

“Ugh, it’s not what you think, we were just talking as friends and she-"

"Oh, friends, eh?" Pat asked, sarcastically saccharine.

"Yes. Friends."

"Give me a break, Matt, eh!”

“What?”

“Don't act like you haven't noticed, eh. Everyone knows that girl has a crush on you, eh.”

"Yeah, I’ll be honest here," Matt began, trying to not let his frustration get the better of him, "she has told me about her interest in me."

As if someone had pulled an invisible lever on her jaw, Pat's mouth snapped shut. Her cheeks flushed red just as the rest of the color drained from her face. She drew to a conclusion. Pat looked at the ground. He braced himself for her oncoming outburst, but is quite surprised to see her turn and disappear into their room

"Pat?" he called after her. He could hear doors slamming open and shut, the rustling of fabric coming from their bedroom. He walked in to see that Pat is violently packing a green issued duffle bag with my name tag on it. He felt overcome with helplessness as the reality of the situation began to sink in.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like, eh?"

"Pat, wait a second." He reached out to grab her arm, but she reclaimed it with a hard pull and glared at him. "Can you explain to me what you’re doing?" he asked, defeated.

"As bleak as it sounds I’m kicking you out, eh.” She muttered as she threw more of my clothing into the duffle bag.

"But where would I go?" He didn’t have anywhere to go. His parents wouldn't be able to house him tonight as his mother is most likely spending time with his father at the hospital, and he doesn’t have any friends that would let him crash on their couch on short notice. Watching her take action to make him leave her hit him square in the chest as he thought he would no longer be part of her world. This isn't what he really wanted, was it? To be left alone once more…

"I don't even know who you are anymore, eh." She didn’t answer him, but instead let her pain over take her mind and body.

"Don't say that…" He replied softly, eyes filling with moisture. Her words pierced him. In this moment, somewhere within himself Matt knew he hasn't changed, but clouded by hopelessness made even him unsure of himself.

"The man I thought I knew wouldn't be-" she dropped her words mid-sentence as she turned and caught the tears in his eyes. "Why are you crying, eh?"

"I don't want to go..." he said. Pat shook her head in disbelief and threw the bag at him which he caught on reflex. Without a word she pushed him outside, and left him standing alone in the dark just outside of their home, the sound of the slamming front door echoing in the neighborhood.