Hiking Trip

by Zephyr Spark

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Angel, Snails, Random, Snips
Length: 1014

Snips, Snails, and Angel Bunny go on a hiking trip. What results are random, nonsensical hijinks that could only happen in a fanfic.

This hiking trip is a literal trip in itself.

This is truly a story that fits the random selection.

Cover art by the talented Alyssa Hartwick!
http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Alyssa+Hartwick

Published 2016-02-08 04:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-08 04:00:01 UTC

Let's Take a Trip

One day, Snips, Snails, and Angel Bunny walked through a forest trail, hiking through the wilderness. The clumsy one Snails, fell and broke their compass. Silly Snails! Now they were lost in the wilderness because Silly Snails broke their compass. Probably shouldn’t have come into the forest with only a compass and a days worth of food. Suddenly a bear appeared and chased them up a mountain. Angel Bunny wanted to fight the bear and consume its soul by eating the bear’s uvula, but realized he could not eat another soul until he finished digesting the the previous soul he devoured one minute ago. So he bounded to the top of the mountain in one hop, leaving the others to possibly be defenestrated or eaten. The clumsy one Snails dropped his backpack containing all of their food. Silly Snails! The bear stopped to eat their flamingo baguettes and the two continued racing up the mountain. When he finished, the bear skipped away to pick flowers for his lover.

The not smart one, Snips, fell and twisted his ankle. He was a unicorn. How could he even have an ankle? Snips pogo sticked the rest of the way up the mountain on his muffin. Until a gray pegasus beat him up for the muffin and left him there forever with a lowly cupcake. How could he pogo stick all the way up with a cupcake? He could not.

Snips and Snails reached the top of the mountain to find Angel Bunny drawing summoning circles to summon his dark overlord. He summoned his dark overlord and ate him, becoming evil incarnate. Having become a deity, he left the two weaklings on the mountain to perish, realizing they were beneath him.

As Hasbro merchandise fell from the sky, the two shivered at the shameless marketing ploys. They truly did not wish to sell out, but found themselves eating a transformer as the bear had taken their food. Optimus tasted like a meatloaf. G3 ponies tasted like red butterflies and shameless pandering. Not that they ate them. The G3 ponies couldn’t possibly eat those two unicorns if they wanted to.

Suddenly, the monkeys of the forest abducted Snips and Snails and brought them before the Royal Delegation of Monkeys who Govern the Monkeys of the Forest, or RDMGMF. One pink monkey on the RDMGF named Stallone agreed to show the two unicorns a way out of the forest if they helped the monkeys with their predicament. Recently, the bears of the forest acquired a sacred object known as the rock of arrow and would not share it with the monkeys. If the two feeble unicorns helped the rainbow monkeys steal the rock of arrow, they would show them the way home without eating their kidneys. The two unicorns agreed to help and went with the monkeys to the bear valley.

Armed with toothpicks and salicylic acid, the group attacked the bears, who were picking flowers for their lovers. The bears had a distinct advantage with their size, weight, and monkey repellent, but the group had hedgehogs filtering out the harmful effects of the repellent as well as MC Hammer pants and thumbs. They fought to a standstill.

Suddenly, a cat’s meow announced the approach of the president of the bears. Snips and Snails turned as winged badgers slowly brought the president to the ground. They stared in awe. It was Angel Bunny! Angel Bunny was the president of the bears!

Using the voice of the dark overlord he consumed, Angel Bunny explained that he conquered the bears of the forest who were worshiping the rock of arrow, which was actually the compass that silly Snails broke earlier. Using the powers of fluffy evil, Angel Bunny fixed the compass and the bears, who had already been conquered, elected him president. Angel Bunny planned to use the bears to steal all the carrots in the world and destroy any thing he didn’t like. Such as Snips and Snails.

Using his dark magic, he began to strangle Snips. Snails tried to help but he only tripped on his face. Clumsy Snails! Suddenly, they all attended group therapy lead by Dr. Timber Wolf and managed to resolve their differences. The monkeys and bears became friends as well as loyal subjects to the mighty Angel Bunny. Snips and Snails learned that the greatest battle to be fought was the one from within. And Angel Bunny ate the souls of who ever he pleased by defenestrating their lawyers. As the monkeys promised, Snips and Snails received potatoes so they could find their way home. Angel Bunny stayed behind to remain president of the bears and monkeys, and amass and army to destroy all life. But that wouldn’t happen until he picked all the flowers for all the bear’s lovers.

Finally Snips and Snails made it back home. The silly one Snails was abducted by a flock of flamingoes and never seen again. Silly Snails!

Snips became the backup dancer to an unsuccessful boy band, who were eaten by G3 ponies when they touched the red butterflies. Snips left the band to specialize in baguette making, until a gang of flamingos threatened to incinerate him in the arctic. Finally, Snips returned to the forest to serve the powerful Angel Bunny as his tax accountant, until Angel Bunny realized he had no need to pay his taxes and promoted him to nuclear physicist. Together, they pioneered technology to destroy the raining Hasbro merchandise and serve Megatron to every ocelot in their army.

All was well, until Angel Bunny opened a rift in space-time and summoned demons to their plane of existence. Eating the demons gave him the power to control the flamingos as he had always dreamed. As the G3 ponies were defenestrated, a cat’s meow marked the return of their new wrinkle chaser Snips who was now an ocelot. They all rejoiced when the rain stopped, and muffins now fell from the sky.

Spike woke up and rubbed his aching head. “No more amethysts before bed,” he mumbled to himself.