Handsome Jack's Diamond

by MrAquino

Rating: teen
Tags: Science Fiction, Random, Crossover, Human, Drama, Comedy
Length: 8765

After being away for almost a month, Diamond Tiara returns to Ponyville and her family... but is now a full grown mare with an army of robots instead of her filly self.

Filthy Rich and Spoiled Rich, Ponyville's local rich family & Entrepreneurs, are missing their daughter, Diamond Tiara. While most of the Town's residents don't care, some kids even celebrated, the couple are willing to give anything, even their own business, just to have their daughter back. After a month, Diamond Tiara returns, but to everypony's surprise, she's a full grown mare with machines nopony has ever seen before, and a hologram of something that claims to be her father. With her old family, Diamond Tiara, with her father, Handsome Jack, Explain everything.

A Borderlands crossover with Handsome Jack and Diamond Tiara as the stars.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-01 18:29:15 UTC

The Return

High above another planet, two figures watched as their entire station moved to a planet that, according to the scanners, neither the planet nor moon moves around the sun, yet still supports life.

"There it is," the first spoke in a male voice. "there's our next Vault. What do you say, Diamond? Blow this planet up like the last one?"

"...No." The other replied with a female. "There's plenty of resources we can use and, unlike the last planet, there's life on this planet, and, from what the scanners say, there's sentient life here."

"Aw. So you want to send the loaders down there? Shoot them all?"

"...Send the loaders, but don't shoot anyone down there. Also, send a Fast travel station down there. I... can't really explain it, but... I want to go down there and meet the residents there."

"Well keep a gun on you. I don't want you harmed when you arrive there, my sweet little Diamond."

Down on the planet, a town was in bliss as another wonderful day was around... all, except for one house. The house, or mansion, as that's what it was, even with the maids & butlers around, even with all the money & a successful business, the couple inside was depressed. Filthy Rich, a middle aged, light brown coated stallion with a graying black mane, and his wife, Spoiled Rich, an almost middle aged pick coated mare, purple mane, and jewelry, woke up to another empty day. It happened almost a month ago; something, or someone, had taken their daughter, Diamond Tiara away, leaving the married couple to panic and find their missing child. Her daughter's best Friend, Silver Spoon, an earth pony, gray coated filly with a silver mane & wore both blue glasses and necklace, also panicked when her friend was missing, having no idea where she went or could've gone to. The couple had put missing posters all over their town, Ponyville, to the various cities of Canterlot, Trottingham, Manehatten, ECT., and to the depths of Tartarus to find their filly. Sadly, even with all they help they had, nothing turned up at all, and the couple just had to accept the fact that their daughter was now gone.

"It has to be the work of those... blank flanks!" Spoiled Rich spoke, disgusted as they walked along the market's streets, followed by a line of their various employees, holding their groceries.

"Why do you think that, honey?" Filthy Rich asked in his known western accent.

"You should know why! They'll probably get a cutie mark in kidnapping our own child!"

"For holding our daughter for an entire month? Ah certainly don't think they'd do such a thing."

"I think they would! I'm probably just going to sue their families until they give our daughter back! Now... who's that pegasus's parents?"

"I don't think she-"

"What is that!?" A random pony yelled. The couple and everypony looked up, seeing what looked like a capitol H descending upon the planet, though it had a noticeable circle in it. All around the circle, it lit up, and some weird objects were fired from it, though it's trajectory wasn't aimed at the town itself. Each of what if fired landed in the outskirts of Ponyville, and, as much as they didn't want to, everypony went to investigate. Various yellow boxes were around, steaming from entering the atmosphere, but steamed even more as each opened up, quickly, but effectively, showing that each of the boxes weren't boxes, but tall, humanoid machines with a single glowing red eye. Some of the machines had both hands, others had a long device in their right, and other had what looked liked a shield. A device came & landed in the middle, steaming, but looked more of a stick that had a blue orb that was their planet. It cooled off and made the silhouette of another pony, followed by some squares forming the body, and, with a small burst of light, the figure came. Everyone around gasped as they saw who it was: Diamond Tiara, after being gone for a month, was back, but... changed. She had her familiar pink coat, mane & tail of white & purple, a tiara on both flanks, but her mane & tail were much longer, Her left leg was metallic, and, to top it all off, she was a full grown mare instead of being the filly she was. She looked around the environment, but stopped as she saw the crowd of ponies, all with their mouths wide open. A humanoid hologram that was blue all over, but wore a suit that read both business & adventurous at the same time, and had a face that was covered by a handsome looking face-mask with suave looking hair, appeared and stood next to Diamond.

"Oh! Look at that!" he commented "Looks like the vault here is on the same planet of your species!"

"What is that!?" a filly asked, hiding behind her mother. The hologram turned to them.

"What!? You can see me?" The ponies stood. He walked to them, but, the ponies backed up. "Oh my god! I can be seen by all except you, Diamond! BOO!!!" Some of the ponies screamed and ran away. He laughed at what just happened.

"Dad! Stop that!" Diamond Tiara yelled.

"Dad!?" The ponies that stayed yelled in shock.

"What!?" he replied "Can't I have a little fun?"

"You can when we're associated with this planet." She replied. She cleared her throat and turned to the crowd. "I apologize for my father's actions. Diamond Tiara, CEO and representative of the Hyperion Corporation, at your service. I'm here to find a vault on this planet and make sure that all of you are under my care. If any of you have any questions, please, feel free to ask me, even if it is a stupid question." The crowd murmured to themselves, but Silver Spoon stepped away from the crowd. She carefully approached the mare, looking both ways as the machines next to Diamond gave her their cold, lifeless stares. "Aw, what a cutie!"

"D-Diamond? Is... is that you?" Diamond gave her a curious look. Something was off about this filly.

"Of course it's me. ...Who are you?"

"I'm Silver Spoon. You remember me, don't you?"

Silver Spoon? Diamond thought to herself Why does that name sound so... familiar?

"Diamond Tiara!?" Spoiled Rich's voice was heard through the crowd. The crowd parted, and the Rich couple ran and hugged Diamond! The Machines pulled their weapons out.

"Halt!!!" The robots commanded "You have to the count of 10 to release Ms. Tiara, or suffer!"

"But she's our daughter!" Filthy Rich spoke, standing at the machine. "You can't tell me I can't hug my daughter!!!" The hologram of the human appeared before him.

"Your daughter!?" He asked "Oh nonono, see, that's MY baby girl! I raised her since she was a filly!"

"So YOU took our baby girl!? I'll see to it that you suffer the consequences and-"

"Hahaha!!! Jokes on you! I'm already dead! And you can't touch a hologram!"

"Oh! You think so!? Well ,I'm-" As the two argued, Spoiled Rich examined her new daughter.

"What are you doing?" Diamond asked, a bit annoyed.

"Oh my! What... what happened to you?" Spoiled Rich asked, shocked at her new daughter. "You're so old! And... beautiful."

"Thanks, but what's wrong with your nose? Trying to look like a rhino or something?"

"Diamond!!! That is no way to treat your mother!"

"Mother!? Are you insane or something? How do I know you are my mother and not-" she stopped as she felt something hug her with some whimpering. She looked down to see Silver Spoon, hugging her right leg.

"...Please?" Silver Spoon begged, looking up to her. "We were best friends. For the last month... I was alone, nopony wanted to talk to me. I feared something bad happened to you." She touched her metallic leg. "What happened to you? What happened to your leg? And how are you so old?" Diamond stared at the filly.

"I... I was gone for a month? But... I've been with my father for my life." Silver Spoon pulled something out a bag she carried and handed it to Diamond. Diamond took it and saw that it was a photo of the two as fillies, smiling for the camera, and under was written 'BFFs 4Ever!'. She blinked and looked down at Silver Spoon, who teared up a bit.

"Shall we fire at these three?" The machines asked.

"No! Set up a perimeter around the town, don't fire at any of these citizens, but guard this place! Send some more loaders and navigate the area, set up some Fast travel stations at ONLY important looking places, such as new towns or landmarks. And Dad! Stop arguing with my dad!" Both the hologram and Filthy Rich were silenced.

"You mean me or him?" They both asked in unison.

"Both." She turned to Spoiled Rich. "Care to show me proof about how I'm your daughter?"

Diamond Tiara quickly learned that, before she was gone, she was the biggest brat around the town of Ponyville. Many of the maids & butlers immediately cowered and/or scolded at Diamond Tiara's return, but they were surprised at not only Diamond's new age, looks, hologram following her, but how she was actually respectful. When she entered her old room, something her parents had locked up as a form of a memory, a wave of memories came to her immediately, and she now knew that this was her home before she disappeared.

"Now do you see?" Spoiled Rich asked "You're our daughter. This is your home."

"I see." Diamond replied, looking and examining around her room.

"What... exactly happened to you?" Filthy Rich asked. Diamond turned to her family.

"What do you mean?"

"How are you gone for an entire month but return as a full grown mare with an entire corporation behind you?"

"Oh. Well, for a short version, my father found me, raised me, used some vault hunters with my sister controlling them on the planet Pandora, used some more vault hunters to save the moon, Elpis, from some army, became power corrupted and took over Pandora, dad died after trying to release something called the Warrior, I was homeless until I teamed up with some losers, yada-yada-yada, I'm here." Her parents and Silver Spoon stared confused at her story.

"Uh... care to tell the long version?" Silver Spoon asked.

"Well, if I do, it's going to be... well... long, and I don't think it's safe for you to listen."

"You're my friend! Tell us from the beginning!"

"...Oh... okay. Though, I might need help for this." Her other father appeared next to her, sitting on her old bed.

"Glad to help you, Diamond. Okay, when did it begin? ... Oh! That's right, it all began right after I had an argument with my wife.

The Arrival

"Oh yeah! Well SCREW YOU, BITCH!!!" Jack yelled, cutting off his call from his Ex-Wife. Nothing was going well for him; the divorce he had with his Ex-Wife was around their daughter, Angel, who was revealed to be a Siren; women with mystical, unknown backgrounds, incredible powers, and are distinguishable by tattoos running down one half of their body. Angel, though young, was considered too dangerous for everyone, and he placed her into something called a Control Core Angel, which was basically a strapped seat that, in the future, he wanted to make a much bigger room with something to help power it. His Ex-Wife, even after being accidentally hurt by Angel, wanted their daughter to be free, though Jack felt that Angel needed to be strapped down, and perhaps use her abilities in the Echo Net to help him out, as he did by getting a job at the Hyperion Corporation, and soon with some money. Ever since his father died when he was young, and his mother left him in the 'care' of her grandmother (who was, at a minimum, physically abusive towards her grandson), he wasn't quite right in the head, but he hopes that with Angel in her chair, and with the super hot bartender, Mad Moxxi, perhaps his life can be better. Then the door knocked. Jack groaned as he got up from his seat and headed to the door. He opened it and groaned even louder as he saw what it was: A gray Claptrap Unit with a yellow 'eye' and had what looked liked wings on it's back.

"Hello, good sir!" It spoke in a very clumsy, female voice. "I am D3RP-TP unit, but you can call me D-"

"Ugh!!! What the hell do you want!?"

"I'm here to deliver a package that you ordered."

"Package? What package? I didn't order anything."

"Are you a Mr. Jack?"

"Yes, but my real name is Jack-"

"Good!" The Unit opened it's chest and pulled out a package. "Be careful with the contents inside! It's memories have been deleted, though it will be regained if shown something from it's past. And thank you for using Hyperion packaging services!" It turned and left.

"Wait! Get back here!!!" The unit ignored and rolled away, playing an 8-Bit tune "Freakin' stupid Clap Traps. Probably isn't even mine to begin with." He walked into his house, taking the package inside, but noticed how heavy it was. It wasn't too heavy that he needed help, but it was heavy enough to have him let out an 'Oof!'. "The hell is in this?"

"Hey! Where am I?" Jack nearly screamed and dropped the box. The box, luckily, didn't fell too hard, and out came a young, Filly Diamond Tiara, that was no older than 5 years old.

Wait! Diamond was delivered you by some... robot?

A Claptrap unit to be precise. And yes, Diamond was packaged to me by some anonymous sender

Anonymous sender?

We still don't know who sent it.

So not only were you kidnapped, but your mind was also erased!?

...Pretty much.

As I was saying...

Jack stared at the filly, and Diamond stared back at the strange creature, who stood & almost cowered in a corner. She got up on her hooves and walked to him.

"Stay back!!!" Jack yelled, on the edge of panicking. "I'l... I'll hurt ya!" She stopped and tilted her to the side.

"Are... are you my daddy?" she asked. Jack stared at the small horse in front of him.

"Dad?" Angel asked in the other room. "What's going on?"

"Uh... nothing, sweetie!" He lied "Everything's alright!" Diamond turned to the slightly open door and walked to it. "Oh no! Don't you go in there!!!"

"I'm not doing anything."

"Not you! I'm talking about-!" Diamond opened the door. Jack heard Angel let out an adorable scream.

"A pony!!! Come here!!!"

"NO!!!" Jack ran into the room,but saw Angel having Diamond Tiara on her lap, stroking the filly's mane & ears. He blinked at the sight; the last time some animal came to Angel, it blew up into a gory mess.

"Who's a good fiwwy? Yes you is! Yes you is!"

"I'm a good filly!" Diamond spoke cheerfully. Angel went silent and stopped stroking Diamond Tiara.

"...Dad?"

"I don't know, Angel." Jack replied. "I don't even think it is a horse... pony... whatever." Diamond Tiara's ears perked and she turned to Jack.

"I'm Diamond Tiara!" She spoke. "Are you my family?"

"... uh... Well-"

"Please, Dad!" Angel begged "I've always wanted a little sister! I'll take good care of her! I won't hurt her!" Jack stared for a moment, then sighed in defeat.

"Alright, but will you listen to me and not complain?"

"Yes, dad!"

"Alright. That's a good girl." He leaned down and patted Diamond's head. "Y'know, you are kinda cute."

"I'm not cute! I'm adorable!" Diamond replied with a pout. Jack chuckled.

"Heh, I think you, Angel, and I are going to get along just fine. Wonder what Moxxi will think of you?"

"And I never meet her." Diamond spoke, standing up from her bed

"...Why?" Filthy asked

"Let's just say the place she was working at wasn't exactly the best place to bring a pony," Jack answered "let alone, a child. Plus, her innuendos. You wouldn't believe how many she drops a day!

"But you sounded so Adorable, Diamond!" Silver commented "It's like how we meet! By the way, where's Angel?" Both Diamond and Jack went silent, their cheerful expressions turning... a bit angered. Spoiled could see how they looked

"I don't think she's-"

"Please," Diamond interrupted "let us tell the story here. I won't explain much, but I grew up in the years with my new family, and that's when we saw Angel's true potential."

"Yes." Jack added "Diamond was around your age, Silver Spoon, and I tried to make sure she didn't see, but she saw what I saw."

"What was that?" Silver Spoon asked

"Violence, Madness, lawlessness," Diamond listed off "but, more importantly, my love of guns. Oh~... Guns." She practically drooled

"Let's get back to the story, Diamond." Jack spoke. She blushed as she shook herself out of the phase.

"Oh! Sorry, just had some other ideas of guns we could make & sell. In fact, while we're telling the stories, I wanna redecorate my room a bit, show some trophies to you on what happened!" She pulled a device out from her Metalic arm. "Bring the first wave of trophies here! And decorate my room to look like my office, posters included! Do this in less than an hour, and you all get both a raise and a high five. Okay, thanks." She put the device away "Sorry. This story is what most people call, 'Borderlands'"

Meet the Vault Hunters.

In less than an hour, Diamond Tiara's room was redecorated to look like her office, complete with posters of herself, magazines of the latest guns, and four things that looked like trophies. There was a pair of gloves with a hammer & dog tags, a stuffed bird with a pair of goggles, a beret on top of a large machine, and, a jar of what looked liked purple magic. Her family and friend looked at each of these things with curiosity.

"What are these?" Silver Spoon asked.

"Those, my friend," Diamond replied "are trophies I took from the biggest assholes I meet."

"...A-" Diamond's robotic leg opened to reveal a hand, in which it's index finger placed itself over her friends lips.

"Shh... don't repeat what I say."

"But yes," Jack added, "These were actually the first four Vault Hunters we used in our... sorta... first adventure."

"What's a vault hunter?" Spoiled Rich asked

"And what do you mean by 'first'?" Filthy added.

"A vault hunter," Diamond explained "is, more or less, a-"

"Bandits!" Jack interrupted, snapping "They're nothing more than greedy bandits with some special ability with some form of intelligence and will do anything for money! No matter how big or small it is, these bandits will do anything and kill anyone just for some god damn-!"

"Dad! ... Please, calm down. Yes, Vault hunters are bandits, but I would rather say they're a lawless Mercenary/Treasure Hunter mix. And yes, there's more, at lease twelve more, but we'll get to them later."

"More Vault hunters!?" Silver asked in shock.

"Yes, and don't worry, at least some of them stayed and became what was close to a family, but, like I said, we'll get to that later." Her robotic hand went away and in it's place, a hologram of four individuals came up: three men and a woman, all in Jack's species. The woman had short, red hair, wore what looked liked a jacket, and tattoos ran over her left arm & breasts. One of the men was much taller and built, looking like some monster, another had darker skin & wore combat armor, and the last one was scrawny, wore a mask, and had a much more different looking bird. Diamond gestured to each of them and the trophies that came from them. "As you can see, our woman here is Lilith, a siren and what's left in that jar over there; this huge guy is Brick, more muscle than brains, who held that hammer with the stuff you saw there, though the hammer comes in much later; This guy in the armor is Roland, a soldier from the Crimson lance, some group from the Atlas corporation, where you can see his hat & turret right now; and this scrawny guy here that desperately needs a sandwich is Mordecai, a sniper and animal lover, especially with that bird of his, Bloodwing, though that's a different bird named 'Talon' with his goggles, again, much later. Of course, these guys were our first choice, and I think it was really because of Lilith, wasn't it?"

"Pretty much." Jack replied "There was six sirens, and she was one of them. And, it was an experiment."

"An experiment?" Spoiled Rich asked

"For controlling things into my favor."

"And how did that go?" Filty Rich asked

"It's best if we explain." Diamond spoke.

Jack, Angel, and Diamond moved into the Hyperion space station. Years had passed when Diamond first arrived; she and Angel were taught by Jack himself, but Diamond was pretty quick to learn the stuff taught, and the two, though what first started off as master & pet, became sisters. While Angel had to be hidden, now a young adult, Diamond Tiara, around 10 years old, had a natural ability to make even the most cold hearted people to go gaga over her, which helped Jack got his job as low-level hyperion engineer. Inside the station, Angel was strapped to Hyperion's network, where Jack gave her the task to find some 'candidates' in finding what was called a 'Vault' on the planet of Pandora. Diamond Tiara regularly visited her big sister, comforting her and encouraged her to find these candidates. A few days had passed already.

I won't lie. My dad was really harsh on Angel for being deifferent

Why were you being so rough on your daughter?

If you had seen what she did, you would take precautions.

I would never do that to my daughter!

Then you are an idiot that would die on Pandora.

Can we get back to the story?

"Okay, any candidates today, Angel?" Jack asked with Diamond Tiara next to him.

"There are... four treasure hunters who arrived on a shuttle several hours ago." Angel replied, using her siren abilities. "They are currently on a bus to Fyrestone."

"Great! Say this to 'em: Don't be alarmed. I need you to stay calm and don't let on that anyone is talking to you. Start making your way off of the bus."

"The bus is still moving, sir."

"Shut-"

"Dad!" Diamond interrupted "Mr. Tassiter!" Mr. Tassiter, despite with Diamond Tiara's cuteness, was never affected by the filly himself. He looked liked a cross between an evil version of Mr. Fantastic and a James Bond villain.

"Jack?" He asked in his usual, high snooty and Nagy voice "Why have you dispatched one of our satellites to Pandora? What are you doing!?"

"Uh... sir, uh the energy readings my uh," Jack stuttered "instruments, uh, at home from Pandora are-"

"Get out of there at once, you hideous little code monkey! And shut off that Satellite and take your horse with you!"

"My name is Diamond Tiara." Diamond growled under her breath. Jack patted her head.

"Easy there," he replied, clicking some buttons on his laptop. "I'm sorry, Mr. Tassiter. It won't happen again."

"Good. Now get back to work!" He left the two alone.

"Freakin' Jackass. Go and meet up with Angel, Diamond. See how she's doing."

"Yes, dad." Diamond walked away, heading to their secret room in Deck 13.5. It wasn't too far from where they were at, hell, she just needed to climb a ladder to deck 14, and drop to 13.5. Angel was sitting in the room in the deck, sitting on a chair, wired up to a chair with multiple screens around, each viewing through the eyes of their candidates and security around the area.

"Hello, Diamond." Angel spoke. "Did dad send you here?"

"Yeah. Mr. Tassiter came down here again."

"Ah, the jerk."

"So, who are the candidates?"

"Hm... they seems to be friends back in their childhood. We have a huge one, a well rounded one, a scrawny one, and... a siren?"

"A siren!? Like you!?"

"Hm... maybe not like me, but yes."

"They're still on the bus. I'll see them fully, though it will look flashy on screen." The boomboxes around, which normally played classy music, played a song that actually fitted with the scene.

Youtube Video

"And, for now, we'll continue in the morning." Diamond spoke. It's true, outside was getting dark.

"Aw! But I wanna know more!" Silver Spoon complained

"And who was driving the... bus?" Filthy Rich asked.

"Some guy named Marcus Kincaid." Jack replied "He claims to be a vital role in this, but, all he does is sell guns, bullets, and grenades. Probably the only gun salesman around, as all other die."

"Yeah," Diamond replied, stretching and yawning. "Well, good night to all of you."

"Wait!" Filth spoke "Is... is it alright if I, your real father, can tuck you in?" Diamond stared at Filthy, then sighed in defeat.

"Fine. But only this once." Diamond laid on her bed, and Filthy began to tuck her in. She had changed, and he could tell how uncomfortable it was for, but it's been such a long time, and he really wanted to do this. He kissed her forehead.

"Welcome home, Sweetie."

"Yes, 'welcome home'." Jack mocked.

"Dads... go to sleep." Diamond muttered. The hologram of Jack went away as Filthy walked out and closed the door. Diamond closed heyes eyes and fell asleep... for a minute. She woke up. "OF COURSE!!! GUNS THAT SHOOTS DIAMONDS!!!"

"Go to sleep!" Everyone yelled.

The story begins

The sun hit the sleeping couple's eyes. Unlike the last month, where they seemingly woke up feeling exhausted without their daughter, they both woke up with a smile on their face, happy to see their daughter back, even if it changed. They walked out of their room, prepared to get ready for the day, even if it was just listening to Diamond Tiara's tale. Upon exiting their room, they saw Silver Spoon outside, listening to the door.

"What are you doing here, Silver Spoon?" Filthy Rich asked

"I slept over, remember?" The filly replied "I just woke up, but I hear Diamond inside, seemingly muttering to herself."

"She's probably sleep talking." Spoiled Rich replied with a yawn. Silver opened the door, but the room was littered with paper everywhere. On each of the papers were drawing of various machines, all looking the same, yet different in one or another. Inside, Diamond Tiara was quickly sketching one of the machines, muttering things to herself.

"And, the reloading should require you to hand crank it! ...No! Too long! Simple huge magazine going in then? But, this is a sniper rifle, not an SMG. Maybe it should be an assault rifle? OOH!!! Shotgun!!!"

"Diamond?" Silver asked. Her older friend shook herself out, back to reality.

"Oh, sorry about that." Her mother picked up one of the papers.

"What is this?"

"That is a design for a sniper rifle with a scope that can reach 1000 Meters and has built in explosions within each round. Takes 3 bullets." They stared awkwardly. Jack appeared next to Diamond.

"I don't think they know what guns are." He spoke "I mean, no offense, but they don't have hands, nor fingers."

"Oh. So... give them the basics?"

"Yeah. We'll go into detail later, for them." He disappeared. Diamond clapped and rubbed her hooves together.

"Okay! Who wants breakfast!?"

"That would sound nice, Diamond." Filthy Rich spoke "I'm pretty sure our maids and butlers are-"

"Ah! Please, I'm going to give you the Hyperion V.I.P. treatment for breakfast." She pulled the same device from her metal hand. "Yo! I'm gonna need some breakfast, V.I.P. with three other guests... I doubt they eat meat, so make sure it's Vegan. And bring in the most basic gun designs for each type... Hm, that sounds good. Those target things, not robots or living people; I need a break from hearing something scream. Thanks, Sweet Cheeks." She hung the phone "Before our story TRULY begins, it's best if you see this for yourself."

In less than 15 minutes, more of the machines that occupied Diamond came down, all wearing aprons and toques. They quickly prepared a vegan-esque breakfast for the family, all with ingredients that were never heard in Equestria, and, as Diamond explained, were really hard to come by, extremely rare to fine. Then, in their backyard, Diamond had set up many targets, with the weapons she talked about. She stood and walked on her hind legs with seven different weapons.

"Okay, this is going to be a bit frightening, but you're going to be fine." She reassured, picking up the first weapon with her robotic hand, which grew metal fingers. "This right here is a Pistol. There are many types of it, including Revolvers, Repeaters, and Machine Pistols, but all of them are pretty common. They tend to have a low recoil, (The thing brings your arms back with each shot) are used for close to medium range enemies (though long range is pretty rare), and deal medium damage. They are pretty much the easiest thing to produce and use. Watch." She turned to the target and fired, pulling the trigger with her metal finger. It let out a loud 'BANG!', which made them jump. She pulled the trigger multiple times, empty shells falling around her back hooves, but the results were shown; the target had a fair amount of holes in it, each around 2 inches in diameter. One of the moving machines came and took the target away while another took the pistol away. "Loud? Don't worry, this will help." She picked up the next weapon "The is an SMG, short for sub machine gun. Like the pistol, it's meant for short to medium ranged enemies, but has almost no recoil and does little damage. But, all you do is hold the trigger and fire away; it has a larger magazine, so you have a higher chance for the bullets to hit something, and trust me, it's like getting stung like multiple bees, so it's gonna hurt!" Again, she fired away, the gun making 'Pat-pat-pat' sound, though she held the trigger. The holes were really small, at least half an inch in diameter, and were all over the target. "This is an Assault rifle. It's mostly used for medium ranged targets, has a bit of a punch for recoil, but it also does a bit more damage than a pistol. Just like pistols, however, they come in many varieties themselves, but for now, we're going to use the semi-auto version." She fired the rifle, which had a 3 round burst after pulling the trigger, and let out a 'ca-ca-ca' sound. The holes left in the targets approximately had 3 inches in diameter. "And, for the cousin, The sniper rifle: high recoil, single shot, usually silent, but always deadly. This is the weapon you'd use to take out some guys from a long distance, usually with the loved-hated headshot." She looked through it's scope and fired, the rifle making a 'pop' noise. The target was a good mile away, and a perfect headshot was left in the 'head'. "But if being up close and personal is your thing, then you'll love the shotgun! High damaging, massive recoil, but effective when at close range, though some mediums are made. This will be loud, though." She cocked the shotgun and fired at the close target with a loud 'Phu' sound. The target was seemingly nowhere anymore, only it's bottom was left. "Oh! That makes me happy! But I've been saving the best for last! This is a rocket launcher; perfect for getting rid of a huge group of bandits with a badass explosion! Never use it close, not unless you're an idiot or wish to commit suicide, though that's what cliffs are for." She fired the rocket launcher at the last target. 'KABOOM!!!' was what it made, and with it, a smoldering crate with the target disintegrated. Diamond laughed like a schoolfilly, though with a hint of insanity. Her family and friend's jaws dropped at what happened. "THAT WAS AWESOME!!!" Jack appeared next to her.

"What about the lasers?" he asked

"...Lasers?"

"Yeah, you know? The other guns with the techno babble?"

"Aw, well... no offense, but lasers... they're pretty crappy."

"WHAT!? How can you say that!? You use lasers!!!"

"Only to make new guns, dad! Besides, the Eridian gun, with the first vault hunters, they knew it sucked! And the lasers used by those other Vault hunters!? Used only 1!!! And God knows how much things would've changed if Marcus hadn't lost that shipment of laser weapons!" They stared at each other for a bit.

"...Touche."

"Uh, Diamond?" Silver Spoon spoke. Diamond Tiara turned to her friend.

"Yes, my little pony?" she replied

"What are the different things used in these... guns?"

"Ah! Glad you asked! See, there are many different guns, but the major difference is the elements and manufacturers."

"Elements?" Spoiled Rich asked, pointing the maids & butlers to put out the small fire happening in the crater.

"And you had competition?" Filthy Rich added.

"Yes, mom. Elements. Basically, we have the following elements with what they're useful for: Fire for flesh, Electricity for shields, Corrosive for Metal, Cryo to freeze, Slag to make everything hurt more, and explosions to be a badass. And as for competition, other dad, there are different companies that too, produce their weapons with a twist."

"Well, what are they and what do they do?"

"Hm... well, I'm a bit tired of talking, so I'll let this video explain." She opened a hologram in her metal leg again, opening a video straight from the echonet

Skip to 0:44 and please, ignore 'Borderlands' mentioned through the video.

Youtube Video

"Ignoring that guy's last comment about us being evil," Diamond Tiara spoke, closing the window from the Echonet "yes, those are all the companies that we're against, though, I have a soft soft for the Torgue company. Ooh... those explosions."

"What about those Tediore guys?" Silver Spoon asked.

"...Eh, they're pretty cool, but I feel like I'm forgetting two other things. Hm... AH-HA!!! SHIELDS AND GRENADES!!!"

"Shields!?" Spoiled Rich asked

"Grenades!?" Filthy added.

"Shields and Grenades." Diamond spoke. "Allow me to demonstrate." She pulled out a device and placed it on her metal leg. An aura of blue surrounded her for a few moments, then disappeared. "This is a shield. It protects it's wearer, in this case, me, from any damage."

"So you're invincible!?" Silver Spoon asked enthusiastically.

"No, I'm not, sadly. This shield has a limited capacity, meaning it has a certain amount of damage it can take before depleting. When it's depleted, I'll need to take cover and hide until my shield comes back. Of course, this is where two other elements come in: the recharge rate and recharge delay. The rate is how much energy come back with each second, and delay is approximately how long it will take my shields to back up. Of course, some shields have special abilities when depleted, but for now, this is a simple one. I'll give you a test." She walked to one of the machines. "Robot! When I say 'Fire', you shoot a single bullet at my chest! Got it?"

"Yes Ma'am!" The machine replied.

"Fire!" The machine fired a single bullet at Diamond Tiara. The shield went down.

"Diamond!" Her parents yelled

"Give me a sec." She was fine; no damage was done, and the shield glowed back, turning back to normal. She walked back to her family and friend. "See? No harm done. Now, for grenades... just watch." She pulled out a small, plastic ball and threw it at the robot that shot her. A small explosion was seen, and the robot's legs feel off from the explosion. It began to drag itself. "Bam! It explodes! Plus, like guns, they come in variations themselves! So many ideas now!"

"And all of these were in your adventures!?" Spoiled Rich asked.

"...Eh, kinda. The first didn't have this much variation, but it was my first step into this wonderful career and business empire. Now, where was I?"

"You were at the part of the 4 vault hunters at the bus." Filthy answered

"Ah! Thank you. Well, those 4 vault hunters arrived at Fyrestone..."

Okay, NOW the story begins!

The bus the 4 vault hunters were in was just a mile away from Fyrestone. In each of their eyes, Angel appeared, though she wasn't in focus and she was translucent.

"Don't be alarmed." She spoke "I need you to stay calm and don't let on that anyone is talking to you. Start making your way off of the bus. You don't have any reason to trust me, but I need you to believe that I'm here to guide you;" The bus stopped outside Fyrestone's entrance. "I'm here to help you find the vault. In a moment, you'll be greeted by a funny little robot. Do everything he says. You'll know what I mean when it happens. I'll contact you again soon." The Vault Hunters all got up for their seats and made their way to the front of the bus. Marcus turned to them.

"Well, we're here." He spoke "Don't worry about saying goodbye. I'm sure we'll be doing this all again soon enough." He chuckled, then cleared his throat. "Now, get off my bus." He opened the bus boor for them.

"Thanks." Roland spoke.

"Gracias." Mordecai added.

"Piss off." Lilith said, giving Marcus the bird. Brick growled at Marcus before getting off, the bus shaking as he jumped out. The bus drove off, and the four took a deep breath.

"Well, we're here." Roland began. "Let's find us that Vault!"

"Hell yeah!" Brick added, punching his fists. "I wanna punch something to a bloody pulp!"

"You can do the punching," Mordecai replied, pulling a bird out of a cage he had camouflaged around his waste. "Bloodwing's ready to pull some Cabrón's intestines out. Ain't that right, bloodwing?"

"SQUAW!!!" Bloodwing replied.

"That's what I'm talking about."

"Guys," Lillith spoke, pointing ahead. "Look; a funny looking robot."

UGH!!! Claptrap!!!

Claptrap?

Pretty much the world's worst robot ever! So Freakin' annoying!

How annoying?

By the fact that it lead to my death!

What!?

Dad! We'll get to that, later! But, yes, this specific Claptrap unit is in all of these stories, and all I hate! A WHOLE LOT!!! But... he got what's coming to him.

"See ya next time!" the robot, a yellow, box shaped robot on a single wheel, a single blue 'eye', an antennae, and two stick like arms spoke, waving to the bus Marcus drove away with. He rolled himself to the four vault hunters. "Welcome to Fyrestone! I am CL4P-TP, but you all may call me by my designated name, 'Claptrap'."

"Hello, Claptrap." The Vault Hunters spoke in unison.

"Before continuing, please, accept this ECHO communication device and heads-up display! Free of charge by the Dahl Corporation!"

Wait, wasn't Claptrap working for Hyperion?

Who gives a s**t!

Language!!!

The four took the Echo and were updated about their health (all perfectly healthy), the weapons and bullets they had (all low), Their Experience points (currently level 1), and their compass.

"Great!" Claptrap spoke again. "I detect that all of your ECHO devicesare fully functioning! This way, please." The four followed the robot to what looked liked a giant antennae pole sticking out from the ground. "Step right up! this is the New-U Station. When you use this device, your DNA profile is automatically identified and stored. Please, activate the New-U station now."

"Better safe than sorry, guys." Roland spoke "You too, Brick."

"Ah hell no!" Brick replied "I'm invincible!"

"I got this." Lilith spoke. She punched Brick in the nuts, making him fall to his knees and wheezed hard. He touched the New-U station.

"DNA confirmed." It spoke "Subject: Brick, is stored. Enjoy your New-U."

"You... bitch." Brick wheezed before falling to the floor. The rest touched the New-U station, having their DNA stored.

"Excellent! Now that your DNA is registered, you have the best in horrific death and dismemberment insurance! Should an unfortunate fatal incident occur, your 'new you' will appear at the nearest station. Now we can head to the peaceful town of Fyrestone! I'll lead the way." Claptrap rolled along and the four followed, though Brick literally dragged himself.

For a Year.

What?

It's just a little something we do to make sure no one stays alive forever. All New-U stations will make a copy fo an entire year. After that, PTTHTH!

Plus, if they still made copies for these freakin' bandits, then not only would they still be around, but Diamond here may have died.

But... why didn't you do this New-U thing yourself?

Later, other dad. For now, let's get back to the story. Oh, Silver Spoon, are you sure you wanna stay? This part is where it gets REALLY violent!

Oh come on! Please~!? I found it funny for that man to be hurt, even if I don't know human Anatomy and physiology.

Well... some of the deaths here are funny, but some are more painful, and bloodier, than what I just told.

I can handle anything!

Alright, but don't go crying for this.

But you said you were watching this?

Yep!

How, though?

In the Hyperion station, Diamond Tiara dragged a bucket of popcorn she got from the Employee's break room Jack shared with. They were a bit rough, but they had a soft for Diamond Tiara, even the more crazier ones. She sat down and began to munch of the popcorn.

"What did I miss?" She asked

"Brick, the large one," Angel replied, her systems on hold "was punched in the nuts by his friend." Diamond chuckled at it. "You may want to leave. This is going to get violent."

"Oh come on! Please~!? I found it funny for that man to be hurt, even if I don't know human Anatomy and physiology."

"...Oh, fine. But don't go crying to dad about this! Can I get some popcorn?"

"Sure!" Diamond jumped onto her big sister's lap and placed the bucket next to her. They both munched away, about to see the violence about to go on, as a couple of cars drove over Fyrestone's gate and made Claptrap and Vault Hunters panic.

Violence time!!!

Claptrap opened the gate for the four.

"LET'S DO THIS!!!" Brick yelled, charging ahead, pulling out and cocking a shotgun. Roland pulled out an assault rifle he had & inserted a magazine, Mordecai had his sniper rifle & manually rloaded each bullet in, and Lilith pulled an SMG out, fully loaded. Brick ran to the first bandit he saw, aiming and blasting his face off! The head was gone, and a large, bloody mess was on the side of the walls & floor around a house.

What the-!? Just like that!?

Just like that. Now, without interruptions, please.

Roland and Lilith stood next together and fired at some of the other bandits. Said bandits fired back, some hitting the vault hunters, others missing by a few milimeters. Mordecai stayed behind, aiming through the scope of his sniper rifle and pulling the trigger, leaving a hole inside the head of the bandits. It wasn't long until Brick was the first to fall down from too many bandits shooting at him.

"Argh!!! HELP!!!"

"I got ya!" Lilith said. "Roland?"

"Suppressing fire!" He shouted, firing at the bandits. Lilith ran and fired at the bandits, reaching to Brick and helping him up.

"Thanks, Lilith." Brick spoke. He was slapped across the face.

"That's for being an idiot!" Lilith said, turning and firing at the bandits. Brick shook himself and fired at the bandits again.

Diamond Tiara stared in total shock, watching the madness happen. Angel noticed.

"Uh... Diamond?" She asked "Do you want to continue with this? I can put on your favorite T.V. show."

"...No." Diamond replied, hypnotized by the violence. "Ooh! A chest!"

The four opened a chest.

"Damn it!" Brick yelled "Pistols!!!"

"I can use that." Mordecai said, taking a revolver. "Yeah, I'm feeling this."

"I'll use this one." Lilith said "It has incendiary bullets, which can help burn these bastards."

"Yeah, and I'll take the automatic." Roland said, picking up the other. "Brick, you should-"

"I don't want a pistol!" Brick complained.

"...Brick, what did we say about-?"

"I wanna explode stuff! Until there's a bazooka around, I ain't taking a stupid ass pistol!"

"...This 'Stupid ass pistol' can save your life, Brick."

"So? I can come back with the new U Station."

"That's cash out of your wallet, then." Lilith replied "It's not going to be our fault when you die every few seconds."

"I'm invincible!!!" A bandit sniper shot brick in the head, leaving a clean hold in his skull. Brick's body fell to the floor, where it was digitized away.

"...His fault." Mordecai, shooting the bandit sniper without looking. Roland and Lilith nodded in agreement, turning and running to the next area and killed all the bandits. Eventually, the place was clear, and Claptrap made it back to the group, followed by Brick.

"Aw, I missed the action?"

"That's you get, dumbass."

"Attention citizens of Fyrestone!" Claptrap announced "There is no cause for alarm! These new visitors have resolved the problem!"

"Well, shoot, I thought I was a goner that time!" The voice of a man spoke through the intercoms "Damn bandits won't leave us alone! Had to lock the place up tight. I'll let ya in... Come on! Damn it! Blasted circuits are on the fritz again. Give it a go from the switch out there, would ya?" The four shrugged. Roland pressed the button outside of one of the buildings; the door opened.

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Dr. Zed? That's a strange name.

Oh, Zed's a strange name, but not Silver Spoon, Filthy Rich, or Spoiled Rich?

Ah Preffer just 'Rich', thank you!

Dads, calm down. Can we get to the story?

Of course, Sweetie.

Good. Now with him out of the way, we'll get to the bland man.

Blind man?

T.K. Baha.

...That's a strange name.

Ever name is strange to you!

Fixer uppers

Dr. Zed introduced himself to the Vault Hunters. Turned out he lost his license and, to keep the town running (or what's left of it), he's put many vending machines around Pandora that, with the right amount of money, they can pay for and be healed.

"Now that we're done with all that," Claptrap spoke "please follow me and I'll open the gate for you."

"Lead the way." Roland replied. They followed Claptrap to the gates of Fyrestone, but stopped as they heard cars driving. A car drove by the gate and shot Claptrap down, then bandits climbed the walls and attacked them. The four fought off the bandits

"Oh my God! I'm leaking! I think I'm leaking! Aaahhh!!! I'm leaking! There's oil everywhere!"

"Shut up!" Brick yelled, kicking the robot, followed by punching the last bandit in the face.

"Looks like you got under Nine-Toe's skin." Zed spoke through their intercoms "Don't worry, he'll get what's coming to him.

"You did it!" Angel cheered "I knew you were the right choice! Oh... that poor little robot needs our help. Would you kindly give him a hand?"

"Roland?" Lilith asked

"I got it." He replied, turning Claptrap over. "Damn, Brick, you just HAD to break him even more!?"

"I would've done the same." Mordecai defended.

"That little robot is hurt." Angel spoke to them "He isn't going to last very long without attention. Why don't you look around for something to fix him up?"

"...I think there's a repair kit over there." Lilith spoke. She ran back to Zed's shack, found the repair kit, and handed it to Roland. "There you go. Do your thing."

"You know I'm better with turrets than robots, right?" Roland replied

"Same difference." Roland sighed and used the kit on Claptrap. The robot got back up to it's wheel.

"Ah ha! Good as new!" Claptrap cheered "Am I leaking?"

"You will be if you don't shut up!" Brick warned.

"WAHH!!! I'll open the door!" Claptrap ran and opened the door.

"People don't yet trust you." Angel informed "If you're going to ever find the vault, you'll need the aid of the people. Helping Zed and his Nine-Toes problem is a good move."

"... Think we should ask for jobs?" Mordecai asked

"I don't see why not." Lilith replied.

"Friendship!!!" Diamond Tiara cheered, posing a bit next to Angel. "Drama! Comedy! Action!"

"Uh... what are you doing?" Angel asked

"Oh! I'm just thinking that, if we were to make a movie about this, we have to keep all of this in mind!"

"...And make a trilogy?"

"Ooh! A trilogy! I like that! ... But the third needs to be on hold and instead, be a prequel!"

"Ugh, you know how much I hate prequels."

"And turn that into a trilogy!"

"...Really?"

"What!? It's business genius!"

"Whatever..."

"Yes, I have a job for you all." Zed spoke "We got ourselves a Skag problem, a bandit problem, and, of course, my vending machine here lost it's power coupling. I suggest you get the power coupling first and take out a few skags along the way before you deal with the bandits. Here, you can buy a shield. More will come along the way, but... well, be safe, okay?"

"Yes, sir." the vault hunters replied in unison.

*A few moments later*

The Vault hunters returned with the power coupling and were covered in skag slobber.

"Phew! You all smell!" Zed commented.

"Shut up." Lilith spoke. She placed the power coupling inside.

"It's dangerous to go alone." The machine spoke in an old man voice. "Take this." Out came a toy sword, followed by four shields.

"Ah hell!" Zed swore "I shouldn't have laid that cartridge inside! Eh, keep those ones, free of charge... for now." They nodded; each took a shield and ran out to the nearby bandit camp.

Diamond Tiara mocked the gun noises and death sounds that happened as the Vault hunters attacked the camp.

"... I'm starting to regret this idea." Angel commented.

"Oh come on," Diamond replied "I've got ideas!"

"Sure you do..."

"No! Really! Do you have a piece of paper & pencil anywhere?" She looked around, then picked up a tablet. "Let's see here..."

"Have fun with that. I gotta make sure they survive and find that vault."

The Vault hunters returned with new guns, and sold the junk to the machine.

"Alright... that's five hundred bucks each." Mordecai spoke "Fair enough?" They all nodded.

"Thanks for taking care of those bandits." Zed spoke to them. "I don't have anymore jobs available. Come back later when I do, but, I know someone who can help you guys out."

"We're interested." Roland said.

"His name's T.K. Baha. He's out there, but you can't miss him. Friendly face... if you steal from him."

"We'll go to him."

"Goodluck! ... Where's my nudes?"

"What are nudes?" Diamond asked, sketching a premature gun.

"Uh..." Angel replied, sweating.

You asked her THAT!?

What!? I was curious! Now I realize what it means.

What are... nudes?

All of you are nude.

... I don't follow.

You're all naked! Especially you, Silver!

... I feel weird now.

The Vault Hunters made it to T.K. Baha's shed

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Oh yeah... he's blind.