Garrett and Snails Take Over Equestria

by reallynewperson

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Snips, Princess Luna, Original Character, Snails, Comedy, Random
Length: 1383

Garrett and Snails take over Equestria. It goes about as well as expected.

Garrett, a colt from Ponyville, is sick of his boring, mundane school-pony life. He wants to be the ruler of a country, maybe even a kingdom. In an interesting turn of events, Snails does too. Interesting events unfold.

Co-written by http://fimfiction.net/user/MistyShowers and myself.

Published 2016-02-09 22:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-09 22:30:01 UTC

The beginning is the end...

“God, this place is boring.”, muttered Garrett to himself.

Garrett was your average colt. He wasn’t too interesting -- he did his homework, had a couple friends, but apart from that, he wasn’t particularly noteworthy. Today was a bright, sunny day, the birds chirping, not a cloud in sight. That’s when Garrett heard something from the living room.

“Garrett, one of your little friends is here!”, yelled Garrett’s mother.

“Coming, mom!” responded Garrett, slightly annoyed.

However, it wasn’t one of his friends, not even Misty Showers. It was Snails, that weird, lanky colt, who doesn’t particularly sound like he’s from Ponyville.

“Hey, Garrett! I have something to tell you, come out here.”, yelled Snails.

“Um, alright?”, responded Garrett. Not to say that Garrett hated Snails, he just wasn’t particularly close to him. He wondered why Snails would even come here, but he decided to entertain him.

“So, what’s up?” asked Garrett.

“Ok, I know you’re going to say I’m crazy, but I’m gonna take over Equestria!” screamed Snails.

“Uh, alright? So, what, you need my help or something?” Garrett asked, his patience particularly low from being an edgy colt all day.

“Um, yeah, that’s why I came to you! You’re the craziest colt I know. I figured you could, uh, help me with this, or something, ya know?”

“Ugh. Alright.”, replied Garrett, realizing Snails was just pulling his leg for some prank, probably set up by Snips.

Snails guided Garrett through a forest, through what Snails kept reassuring him was a secret entrance.

Sure it is, Snails., thought Garrett to himself.

To Garrett’s disbelief, they were actually led into the castle, through a secret opening in the library.

“Oh no, there’s a security guard over there!”, yelled Snails, pointing his hoof towards the bulky stallion wandering around the library.

“Have you ever seen these guys? They literally don’t do anything unless they see you in the view of their flashlight. I mean, why do they even have flashlights? It’s like, noon,” replied Garrett.

“Oh.”

Walking past several guards without them as much as asking what they were doing there, Garrett and Snails were able to walk towards Luna’s bedroom. Slowly creaking open the door to her private quarters, Garrett peeked inside.

“Good morning Vietnam!” yelled Snips as his horn lit up.

“No, don’t yell! She’ll realize we’re here to take over her kingdom!” whispered Garrett.

“Who goes there?!” replies Luna in her typically loud voice.

“No time to explain!” the colts yell, using their magic to teleport Luna to another dimension.

“Wait a second, how did we just do that?” asked Garrett.

“You don’t know half of what power I contain,” replies Snails, in an uncharacteristically serious tone.

“Um, alright then. Never did like this matriarchal society we have going on”, says Garrett.

“Yeah! Screw the may-tree-archery!” screams Snails, not particularly understanding what Garrett said.

“Hey, we still have Celestia, to, take care of,” says Garrett in a menacing tone.

Trotting out of the lunar princesses’ room, completely ignored by the guards. They then trot up to Celestia’s court.

“Sup, got somethin’ to show you. It's a magic trick.” Garrett said pushing Snails forward.

“Uh, yeah…sure?” Snails said, his horn lighting up.

A loud pop was heard as Celestia poofed out of existence.

“Whooh! We did it!” Garrett said hoofing Snails.

“Yeah!” Snails responded.

At this point, Garrett & Snails realized something; they were the new Princesses of Equestria.

“Ooh, ooh, can I be Celestia?” Snails asked excitedly.

“No bro, you’re Snails.” Garrett responded nonchalantly.

“However, we can be Princesses.”

“Good enough for me!”

Sitting down on their thrones, they were finally there. They were the fresh princesses of a country called Equestria.

“We should probably let everyone know about this, you know?” said Snails.

“Guards, bring me a really big megaphone, or something!” said Garrett.

“ATTENTION, CITIZENS OF EQUESTRIA! CELESTIA AND LUNA ARE GONE. YOUR NEW RULERS ARE NOW PRINCESS GARRETT AND PRINCESS SNAILS!” yelled Garrett.

Back in Ponyville, Cheerilee was teaching her class when they heard this. That’s when Snails’ best friend, Snips, heard the announcement.

“Wait, is that my Snails up there? I need to do something about this!” says Snips to himself, but rather loudly, everyone else clearly hearing him.

“This cannot be happening!”

“Where are the princesses?”

“This is really weird.”

“Alright, calm down class! Surely, this is just a prank. Let’s just get back to the lesson, shall we?” said Cheerilee.

But Snips was not about to give up this easily. His best friend, teaming up with someone he doesn’t know, taking over his home? This was not going to go unpunished. Snips snuck out of class, going to Snails’ home, to tell his mother.

“Hello, Snails’ mom, your son just took over Equestria or something. Just figured you’d want to know.” said Snails.

“Oh my goodness! Sweet little Snailsey wouldn’t ever do that!” said Snails’ mother.

Heh, Snailsey… muttered Snips to himself.

“He was telling me about this earlier, he was going to one of his little friends’ house, I figured it was you. Wait, who was it?” said Snails’ mother, visibly freaking out.

“Well, they said there were two princesses, Garrett and Snails.”

“Oh no, princesses?” said Snails’ mother, facehoofing.

Brushing Snips to the side, Snails’ mother rushed to Garrett’s house to get his mother, them both storming up to the castle.

Princess Garrett and Princess Snails’ rule lasted for two full hours. Princess Snails gave everyone in Equestria free healthcare and set a minimum wage. Princess Garrett, on the other hand, invested a majority of Equestria’s income towards military, dedicating the rest to baked good manufacturing.

Snails’ mother, storming up to the throne, yelled up to her son, “JEBEDIAH SNAILS JR, GET DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!”

“Mom, what are you doing here? I’m a princess now” whispered Snails.

“GARRETT! DUDE, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? GET DOWN HERE!” yelled Garrett’s mom.

“Snails, shoot a beam of magic at my horn!” Garrett said. Snails complied and Garrett then used the combined power to teleport himself to a far away safehouse he had created during his tenure as princess.

“Really, dude?” Snails said, shaking his head, annoyed at the pure cowardice of his fellow princess.

Garrett's mom gallops up looking angry. “Where did he go?” she asks.

“Dragon kingdom, west side.” Snails responds, looking down at the ground.

Garrett’s mother gallops off to find her child. Meanwhile, Snails’ mom slowly trots up to him.

“Snailsey, you know you can’t just go around, taking over kingdoms! I thought we went over this!” Snails’ mother said.

“But I did a good. I helped a lot of ponies!” complains Snails.

“You're grounded for two weeks, no video games or going to your friend's house. Bring the princesses back and apologize.”

“Ugh, fine...” His horn flared up and the two princesses appearified back into existence in front of them. “Sorry princesses.” he apologized.

“It’s all good, fam.” Luna responds, waving her hoof dismissively.

“When did you start saying fam?” Princess Celestia asked.

“When we met those teenage ponies who walked on two legs!”

“Oh, I suppose that makes sense.”

Meanwhile, at the safehouse Garrett had built, his mother had already reached it.

“Go away!” yelled Garrett.

“No.” the calm mother responded while breaking down the titanium bulkhead with her hooves.

“I seriously don't think this will work out for you.” Garrett said, his mother dismantling the turret he had set up.

“Get over here so I can scold you!” his mother successfully breaking down the barrier.

“You’re coming home with me this instant, young colt.”

“But I don’t wanna!”

“Too bad.”

As Garrett’s mother drags him home, they stop by the castle to apologize to the princesses. As it is night by the time they get there, it is night court and Luna is the only one up. He walks up to apologize to her.

“Though what you have done is incredibly silly, we have to commend you two for being able to even do this. Don’t do anything like this again, and you will be free from punishment.” The blue night alicorn says.

“No, I plan to do this again sometime.” Garrett said and walked away.

Garrett returns home, sitting on his bed, thinking over everything.

“Man, Snails is weird.” mutters Garrett.