Late at night, a boy was sitting in my room, staring at his laptop, not doing much, smoking weed. He just so happens to be slightly underweight. That's when a cyclops octagon with stick like limbs appeared out of the shadows, into slightly less shadowy shadows. But still shadows. "You're one of us now!" It squealed.
"'su-" he tried to say as he was sucked through a portal to a mysterious place. This place seemed to be a light baby blue, but not much else."-p"
"Choose your polygon!" Called out a disembodied, but creepily cheerful voice that sounded
strangely like Morgan Freeman, just as he realized that he was utterly formless.
"Green, haha!"
The voice began muttering to itself. After a few seconds it declared, less cheerfully "That's not a polygon."
"Potato," he amended.
"Good enough. Choose a number!"
"Cube," he responded immediately, as cube had always been his favorite number.
"Choose a fashion accessory!"
The boy had never been into fashion accessories so the best things he could think of would just be for a joke.
"Groucho glasses,"
"Choose a colour!"
"How about.. Hippie," He decided after a few moments.
"Make a wish!"
"I wish..." to end global warming? To have magical powers? To become super smart? To live forever? Infinite weed?
"For the ability summon kittens at will," he finished
"You will got to world number seven, Equestria! You are wearing hippie clothes and Groucho glasses, with the power to summon kittens, among others." and just like the snap of fingers. Boom. Yeah.
______________________________________________________________________________
"Well what the actual fuck," he said after being dumped on the ground. "Time to have a mental breakdance," he said, as he had a mental breakdown for a few minutes. During that time, kittens began spewing from holes in the ground like geysers, but somehow all landed unharmed. The kittens made Morgan Freeman noises. "Okay, maybe it's all a dream.." Then he looks around. "Yeah, there's no way this many kittens could be anywhere but a dream," and attempts to wade through the effective sea of kittens. It's harder than you would expect. Once he escapes, there's a sign pointing somewhere which says something illegible on it. "Might as well follow it," he decides on a whim, and walks down the path.
A few minutes later, he got bored and jumped. He didn't come back down. "So I can fly? Cool!" and sped along the path. After a few seconds he crashed to the ground, earning bruises on his knees and elbows, although fortunately his FABULOUS hippie clothes protected him from further damage. "Ow ow ow ow ow... So I can't fly. Okay I'm fine now." The downside of the clothes is that they also talk like hippies. Then he notices that he's been talking to himself a lot. "Well I usually think to myself just as much, so why not." After a few more minutes of walking, he came across a sign that read "Ponyville" "Hmm, I wonder what lives here, residing in Ponyville, Equestria." He said sarcastically.
"Hey!" Yelled a pink... thing out of nowhere.
"AHH!" he yelled in surprise, and threw a kitten at her face. A really squishy one.
"Aww, isn’t this adorable! Hey I've never seen you in Ponyville before, what are you, are you like a minotaur? Where'd you get the kitten? Why's it so squishy? I'm gonna go make a "Welcome To Ponyville" party for you, gottagobyeseeyoulater!" She said within the span of three seconds.
"What... Oh well," and walked into "Ponyville" with an overly bouncy gait.
"What is that?" asked Pink Flowerbutt.
"KITTENS FOR EVERYONE!" and began throwing kittens at every sentient being he saw. A pink horse, or maybe it's a pony? A red pony, a grey winged pony, a green unicorn pony holding a newspaper with invisible hands, all the ponies. "Wait.. Maybe..." and he summoned a giant kitten as a mount, and yelled "GOTTA GO FAST!" riding his steed into the heart of town, as fast as a speeding kitten.
"SURPRISE!" screamed half the town, nearly blasting out his eardrums.
"That kitten is actually a potato!" He said, pointing at a kitten mewling on the ground. It promptly turned into a particularly large potato. Everypony gasped really really hard. That actually blasted out his eardrums. Don't worry, they grow back. Fast as a kitten. On weed.
He then turned each letter on the welcoming banner into kitten, which each split into little tiny kittens within moments. Everyone screamed and ran away, except for three little ponies.
"Hey mister, do you think you could help us git our cutie marks?" asked a pony.
"You want ass-tattoos? I'll give you ass-tattoos!" and summoned kitten tattoos on their asses, and flew off. A few metres away, he face planted in the dirt. It hurt. A lot.
"DEEZ NUTS!"
"HA gottem!" Pinkie said, completing the meme.
"wat."
"PONIES."
"YOUR MOTHER."
“I AM THE RAREST PEPE!”
“NO YOU’RE NOT”
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo.........."
Pinkie was never seen again. He caught the crusaders in a net and gave them weed. It ended as well as one might expect. With cheeseburgers. Horrified with what they had done, the crusaders promptly ate the cheeseburger. At the same time. It was like steroids for their minds. They started inventing things.
"A shit dispenser!"
"Applejack's mom!"
"The cure for non-autism!"
"Communism!"
"Potato juice!"
"Potato beer!"
So on and so forth. Eventually, a nuclear kitten was invented, and everyone died of plot convenience and so that the author didn't have to write anymore and could actually go to sleep.
But then.
The world came back.
And the author hit his head on his desk a lot.
And then, the main character yelled to Pinkie "Are we there yet?"
Pinkie couldn't help but respond with "Lol no."
He got mad. "U wot m9?"
"Come at me bro"
"I can rek u any day"
A new player entered the argument. "Fuck you all, idiots."
"U wot m8?" The two of them asked, in sync.
The new player died of a heart attack, because they were extremely old, and now Pinkie and Main Character Man felt bad for yelling at an old person.
“What have we done?”
“I do not know”
They both committed suicide, and the universe exploded. The end.
