The life and times of Lafayette Ryder

Heat, blistering, searing heat is all that I can feel. Why is it so damn hot? I look around but only see darkness; the warmth begins to fade as I realize why it’s so dark. I open my eyes and for a moment I think I’m still in my Humvee at the back of the convoy. Wind and dust tear at my face and nothing looks like home, but wait a second… this isn’t some back road in Iraq, this is…

“Shit.”

My brain hits overdrive as things begin to click; I’m not in Iraq, that heat must have been fire, and this wind isn’t from driving sixty miles an hour. It’s from free falling at terminal velocity. I’m not good with math but I can tell that I’m no longer accelerating; I can also tell that I have just a few seconds before I hit the ground. I know I’m falling; I know the landing will not end well, what I don’t know is where I am or how the hell I got here.

Thanks to my goggles I retain some of my vision as I plummet, I can see a small village beneath me, I can see the clouds pass me, I can hear the screams… wait what?

I had been falling belly down but now I flip to try and see what made the noise, the only things above me are oddly shaped clouds. No way was anyone up there; I must have mistaken the howling of the wind for a shriek. I spin back and hold my limbs out wide, trying desperately to slow my descent. Now I can clearly see buildings with foreign architecture and people with bright, gaudy clothing. I start to feel bad for whoever will have to clean up the mess after I land.

More shouts meet my ears, the wind is too loud to allow me to understand them but apparently someone on the ground has seen me. I can see people stop and look up towards me, I can see them point and hear muffled voices. Suddenly a voice calls out that I can make out.

“Hey, what are you doing?!”

I flip once more to see who would say such a stupid thing. What I saw confused me. Now I’m a very calm man, a life full of stupid people has forced this stoicism onto me, if I wasn’t as calm as I am I'd have killed many of the idiots I know by now. This is only relevant because what was above me also broke my calm. Flying down at me was a large blue feathered bird. When I say large I mean the size of a dog, a Dalmatian for example which is much larger than any bird I’ve ever seen or heard of.

I waste a precious moment looking back at this bird (it doesn’t look much like a bird but it does have wings and I don’t know what else to call it) before logic reminds me that birds don’t talk and I return to my previous position. The ground is getting closer and I can see the people better, but they don’t look right. They look like…no that would be insane…

The thought is ripped from my mind as I see how close I am to the ground. I say a quick prayer and let loose a mighty scream, maybe this will be like a belly flop and hurt worse if I have a chest full of air. Or maybe this will be like a free fall to my death from a thousand feet and hurt no matter what. Either way there’s no stopping now, I cry out to my God just as I collide with a dirt road.

That mention of how to do a belly flop without hurting yourself, I know that little trick from experience. I remember jumping off a diving board and hitting the water stomach first, I remember the sudden pain as the air was forced out of my lungs, I remember almost drowning. Fortunately my friends, the same ones to dared me to pull the stunt, had dove in and saved me.

My friends aren’t here to save me now. I don’t think they could save me if they were.

The pain of that failed belly flop returns to me times a hundred or so as I land. I thought I would bounce, I once saw a man jump from his apartment building and bounce five feet after the initial impact, but I just lie there in pain. I feel as though every bone in my body has been shattered and every organ liquefied. I had expected to connect with the earth and black out immediately before the real pain could hit. But of course that isn’t what happens; nothing ever goes the easy way for me.

I gasp for breath to no avail, my vision is reddish, partly from the impact and partly because I lie in a pool of my own blood. I try to swallow and find where the blood originated from, I must have bitten my tongue when I fell, and part of it was in the puddle of blood. My vision now starts to fade; I can’t breathe and I’m probably bleeding badly. At least I won’t die in some Godforsaken desert. I guess a minute has passed since I landed, I can see the crowd around me but I can’t hear them. All I can hear is ringing, not like that of a church bell but like that of an annoying cell phone.

I finally am able to take a gasp of air in. I force my head up to see those around me. My confusion returns as I prop my head on an arm. With my other arm I run my hand over my side and chest, no breaks but pain everywhere. Just poking my gut is enough to force me back down and into the fetal position.

I’m still alive but I don’t think that will last very long.

With that last thought I close my eyes and drift away.

So, there’s the bright light I’ve heard so much about. Wait, two of them? Oh hell, do I have to pick one? I begin to panic until the sound of rubber wheels and the smell of antiseptics greet me. I’m not dead; I’m just in a hospital that’s all.

Everything makes sense now, I was in the convoy when we were ambushed, I got hurt, I was hallucinating and now I’m at the hospital on base. Soon enough a doctor will prescribe me some nice painkillers and everything will be back to normal.

I open my eyes, expecting a nurse or a doctor to be there and explain what happened. Instead I see a bag of liquids suspended in air with a tube attached to my arm, my legs in transparent tubes of blue goo and my chest bandaged tightly. I take another glance, this time around the room rather than just around myself, and I see balloons on a dresser, all my gear including my rifle and sidearm’s on a desk, and someone sitting, no lying, across from me buried in a thick book.

I must have made a noise because she looked up at me and smiled. She looked like an angel; her hair was deep purple, almost black, with streaks of lighter colors in it, her skin was light purple or violet, her smile was radiant.

The ringing in my ears persisted but I could hear her voice, soft and sweet, as she introduced herself.

“Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle.”

My head fell back unto my pillow and I fell back to sleep. Surely the doctor had taken the liberty of already doping me up on painkillers.

I’m not sure what he used or how much, but I think it worked.