Necessary parts

“Cakes on the griddle,
sizzlin’ a little,
an the sun’s in the middle,
Of the sky,
My wife,
My girl,
My boys,
My world,
An everything’s lookin’ up for I!”

I sing nonsensically as I flip pancakes and stir some scrambled eggs on the stove. The bacon’s already cooked and the biscuits are in the oven, if my half assed calculations are correct breakfast will be ready in five minutes and my family will be up in 5, 4, 3, 2, and…

“Morning sweetie,” Twilight greets me joyfully with a kiss.

“Mornin’ papa!” the boys shout enthusiastically.

“Mumbglumbelughnem, coffee, mummbelnurn, dad, ughmebel, sugar…” Dulcie mumbles drowsily as she sits down next to Twi and rests her head on the counter.

“Here,” I tell her as I pour a glass of spiked joe for her. “Have some of this, it’ll wake your lazy ass right up.” She takes a sip and spews it out.

"This is terrible!" She takes another sip and swallows it.

“What the hell is in this stuff?” she asks as she gulps down the contents of the mug.

“Whisky, vodka, a shot of Jägermeister, ginsing, a packet of pure caffeine, vicodin, amphetamines, hot sauce, chocolate, half a cup of sugar, oh and some ground up, boiled coffee beans too.” I answer as I down my own cup of the vial concoction.

“How…what…why…can I have some more please?”

“Sure thing, just never drink more than two cups in a day, it’ll play hell on your stomach.” I fill her glass again and start serving food. After everyone’s plates are filled I sit down, we say a quick prayer, and then begin eating.

“Twi,” I say, “can you get one of your friends to watch the boys while we are in Canterlot, I need you to come with us.”

“Um,” Twilight pauses mid chew to think, “Rarity isn’t doing anything today, she might be able to watch them. So what’s going on, why do you need me to come with you?”

“I’ll explain when we get there, it’s long and complicated and I’d rather not go over it more than once if I can help it.”

Twilight teleports over to our seamstress friend’s house while we finish eating and returns with both Rarity and Tobias in tow, I offer them breakfast and they sit with the boys as I prepare the truck.

“Two of us can fly and mom can jump through magical portals, why are we taking this?” Dulcie nods at the truck.

“I like driving, also I’m a shitty flyer, Derpy could beat me in any flight competition on a normal day.”

“You flew home with me just fine the other night.” She points out.

“That wasn’t a normal day now was it?” I respond as we walk back into the kitchen to say goodbye to the boys. “Rarity, Toby, I almost forgot, I’d like you to meet my daughter Dulcie.” The white mare smiles and her saggy old ass shakes Dulcie’s hand.

“With your fist wife I take it?” Toby inquires.

“Yep,” Dulcie confirms.

“Well thanks for watching the boys on such short notice, we’ll be back after dark, see ya.” I say and we head out.

I drive, Twilight rides shotgun, and Dulcie flies beside us on the way to Canterlot.

“Wouldn’t you be more comfortable riding?” I shout out the window to my daughter. She’s car surfing on the hood now and I can barely see past her.

“Nope,” she tells me, “I wanna fly for a bit, that alright?”

“Sure,” I yell to her, “Just one thing,” I slam on the brakes and watch her sail through the air and flail wildly. She rights herself and starts flying just in time to keep from faceplanting into the dirt road.

“ASSHOLE!!!” she yells at me. I can’t barely hear her over the noise of my laughter; even Twi’s cracking up a bit. I drive up to where Dulcie’s hovering and open a door.

“Get in already.” I tell her as she blows a raspberry at me. She hops in back and we start driving again.

Once in the capitol city we detour to twilight’s parent’s house.

“Might as well introduce them to their new granddaughter now.” I say.

We pull up next to their home to find them lounging about in lawn chairs (Oh, my chest!) and drinking Piña Coladas. They see us and wave as we get out of the car. Twilight trots over and hugs them both.

“Hey mom, hey dad, it’s good to see you again.”

“Good to see you to sweetie,” Says Dazzle, “so what brings you all here today?”

“We were headed to the castle to see princess Celestia and princess Luna,” I tell her and dad, “and we decided to stop by here to say hi and to introduce you to my daughter.”

“Hi,” Dulcie smiles and waves at the two relaxing ponies.

“Well hello dear,” Orion says to her, “when did you get here?”

“Just the other night,” Dulcie tells him, “God sent me here with a message for my father.”

“Gog sent you?” Dazzle asks curiously.

“Yep,” Dulcie shrugs her shoulders and rubs her right temple, her wings unfurl and a glimmering halo appears around her forehead, “I’m an angel, or was I guess. Anyway now I get to stay here with my dad and help out with the big plan God has in store for this world, don’t worry though, it’ll be fine.”

“Well good luck with that dear,” Orion kindly tells her. “See you all later.”

“Bye Honey,” Dazzle says to Twilight, “bye son, bye bye sweetie.” Dazzle then says to Dulcie and I.

We wave goodbye from the car and head off towards the castle.

“They were nice,” Dulcie says while adjusting her breastplate, “I wish I could have met my real grandparents, your parents dad, too bad they were both gone before I was born.”

“Yeah, too bad.” I agree without the slightest hint of sarcasm or anger.

We drive through the city and up to the main gates of the castle, we walk from there. When we get to the front entrance I walk up to a guard, I think the same one who tried to stop me when we came here to help Celly with the pony/Griffin skirmish, and announce myself.

“Sergeant Lafayette Ryder here to have counsel with the princesses over a vital matter of which they need to be aware.”

“Request denied, the princesses are in a peace summit with the Griffins and are not to be dis-”

“Fuck that.” I push the scrawny guard to the side and hold the door for Twi and Dulcie.

“HEY! You can’t just barge in the-” his words are lost under the noise of a slamming door.

Twilight guides us through corridors and hallways until we find the war room. Nine soldiers, three royal guardsponies, three ShadowBolts, and three Griffins in suits, stand at attention around the door and make sure no one interrupts the meeting taking place in the room past them. My right hand twitches wildly as I conjure my armor and fit it to my body. I hold the Honey Pot on my lower back, Slendy at my waist, and Jeff in my hand. I turn to my daughter and smile.

“I told you my armor was better!” she just scowls at me and rolls her eyes.

I extend Jeff to his full length and tap the stone floor with his handle to get the guards attention.

“I seek admittance into this peace sum-”

“Denied.” The nine soldiers speak simultaneously.

“Fuck that.” I say again as I sweep my arm over them and force them to a side. I open the door and walk into the midst of an intense debate; my wife and daughter follow me closely.

“I do apologize for interrupting,” I interrupt unapologetically, “but I must speak with the princesses at the moment and I’m quite certain that what I have to discuss with them is much more important than any of your menial issues.”

“We’re trying to stop another war from breaking out here!” An elderly stallion with a fine moustache shouts at me. “What could be more important than that?”

“The coming arrival of an unspecified but assumedly large number of humans in Equestria by the hand of God himself,” I tell him, “and just for the record; I’ve already stopped one war single handedly, I think I can end whatever you ponies and birds through at me.”

A Griffin general looks at me and cowers a bit. “You are the great destroyer? The man who defeated an entire army by his lonesome? The one who captured and-”

“Yes,” I tell him impatiently, “that was me so you had better not piss me off. Now you all were arguing about war earlier, how about this argument; you start a war and I will kill whoever I need to in order to end it the same day. All in favor of fighting and getting killed by me say aye.” No one speaks. “All in favor to play nice and leave now as comrades say ‘updawg’.” Everyone save the astral sisters says updawg and leaves the room. After everyone’s left I walk over to Celly, Luna, and Discord and plop down in a chair beside them.

“What’s ‘updawg’?” Luna asks curiously.

“Not much,” I reply, “What’s up whitchu?”

Celly smirks and Discords laughs until he falls out of his chair. Luna just blushes.

“So what was this about humans coming to Equestria?” Celly asks as Twi and Dulcie sit down. “And who is this?” she points and Dulcie.

“Well,” I begin, “The first thing you need to know is that a duckdo is coming along with the people and-”

“What’s a duckdo?” asks Twilight innocently.

“Quack.” Discord and I say together. We both laugh at the stupid joke for a moment before buckling down and getting serious again.

“OK, so quick summery; this is Dulcie, my daughter and an angel, God sent her here with a message, he’s sending a second flood to earth to wipe out all the evil and he’s sending ‘necessary’ people here to live out their lives and create a human colony in Equestria, they’ll start showing up next week.” I take a breath. “Did I forget anything Dulcie?”

“Nope,” she assures me. “Except for the bit about the zom-”

“They don’t need to know about that.” I tell her. I turn back to Celly and resume speaking. “So my plan was to start the colony near Ponyville, we need to start building houses now so they have a place to stay, we’ll also need a market place, a hospital, a police force of some sort, a fire department, and a ruling government as well. Sound good?”

“This is all for real?” Luna asks suspiciously.

“Yep.” Dulcie tells her.

“Well then,” Tia sighs, “I guess we have some work to do, let’s get started.”

<0><0><0><0><0>

Three thousand people, three thousand of the freeloaders to deal with. The first month was a pain like no other, we had to calm the noobs down, explain the situation to them (Half of them still don’t believe this is real), and help them get accustomed to Equestrian culture. We built the town without any trouble and moved its inhabitants in quickly, people who had been something useful on earth did that same thing here, doctors are doctors, farmers are farmers, and craftsmen are craftsmen, those whose skills couldn’t be used immediately, artists, teachers, politicians, and children, were given odd jobs to help out. By the second month things had calmed down quite a bit, people had started to accept the changes and were getting along, they all became legal citizens of Equestria, and the towns economy took off. Now we’re beginning the third month of the town’s existence without a name. I was officially elected mayor of the town/ governor of the colony/ ambassador to Equestria last night so I guess I should get on it and pick a name already, but what the hell, it can go without a name for a while longer. The town is a mile from Ponyville and in-between it and Canterlot, every day I drive over and check up on things, every day things get better. I’m driving there right now with all of my friends and family in one of the buses I made to provide transportation to the townspeople. Tonight’s a big night, we’re declaring independence, not from the Diarchy or from a country, no, we’re declaring independence from Earth. We are the first humans to visit an alien world and settle on it, the first to meet and befriend the aliens who live here, and the first to fall in love and start families. Already there are a few new interracial couples, no one has a problem with it, no one judges. That’s what makes these people necessary I realized, these people have the capacity to love and tolerate everyone regardless of race, religion, sex, or anything else, these people are willing to help out complete strangers and show love to enemies, these people are, put simply, necessary. These people can stay here, sheltered from the hate and judgment they’re used to and spread peace around the land.

I smile as we approach the town because a good name just came to my thoughts. We pull into town and I great a few of my friends here, most notably and Austin “Fish” Nell, and the GreenWind boys who have taken the city as their home as well. The ponies that came with me follow me through the town and into a memorial park. I look back at each of them and think about how much each one means to me.

Right next to me is my Direct family; Twilight, who has shown me unwavering love and constant companionship, Dulcie, who has made me proud and happy and who is always there to help me when even when I’m too damn stubborn to admit I need the help, Thaddeus, who looks just like me and shares my love of learning and languages, he’s already become fluent in six different tongues and serves as a translator for the new people who don’t speak English yet, and Starbright, who has his mother’s love of knowledge about anything and everything, he’s been helping Spike tend the library and I assume he’ll make that his job when he’s older.

Right behind us are Rarity, who was generous to me from the first day we met and has put so much effort and time into outfitting this new community, and Toby, who has been a good friend to me, a wonderful husband to Rarity, and is turning out to be a great father to the bay he’s carrying on his back. And can cook a mean steak too!

Walking next the them is the whole of the Apple family (From Ponyville I mean), AJ is keeping an eye on the foals while Big Mac, Fluttershy, and Caramel walk side by side. Mac was my first real friend here, the first person to work and talk and laugh with me, since we met I’ve invested a good portion of my money and time into his farm and it’s done nothing but grow in both size and value since. I haven’t spent much time with AJ, a wrong I intend to right, but I can tell she’s a good person, er, pony. Fluttershy and Caramel have both been kind to me and I plan to spend more time with them as well.

Flying above us are Rainbow Dash and her Griffinfriend (Girlfriend whose a Griffin) Gilda. Dash was the first one, pony or otherwise, who has ever been able to give me a run for my money at any athletics, she’s also the first friend I’ve ever had that spilled her guts and told me everything she felt. I can remember that night now, the night after a rave in Canterlot when we got stoned and went at it, turns out we didn’t go at it after all, we smoked and talked all night long, and I went to sleep naked after Dash spilled bong water all over my clothes.

A little ways behind them are Pinkie pie and her growing family. She and Donut Joe walk with their foals who are behaving perfectly because Uncle Lafe is around. I like Pinkie Pie; she was the second girl I ever slept with and one of the few who are as insane as I am. She told me once about her other personality, one she gave her full name to, who is violent and sadistic, I told her about Jeff. We ended up smoking and talking about oatmeal by the end of the night. She sat by me on the ride over here and told me that Pinkamena hadn’t bothered her since that night. I was very pleased to hear that.

Twilight’s parents are already in the park as we walk up, they come over to greet us and watch the boys during the ceremony we’ll be holding shortly. A short, balding Chinese man named Tso taps me on the shoulder and tells me that everything is ready. I thank him and excuse myself from the crowd of familiar faces. I walk over to the park’s stage and speak to a few new locals as I go, they all like me, trust me even for some reason. I see Fish monkeying about and give him a bro hug.

“Good to have you here bro.” I tell him in earnest.

“Good to be here man, needed to get away from that naggin’ bitch I called a wife anyhow.” He replies in his usual, stupid manor.

I pat Fish on the back and make my way to the stage. Once there I amplify my voice magically and start speaking, as soon as the crowd hears my voice all of theirs stop and they listen.

“I know this is hard for you all, being removed from you home and sent through time, space, and dimensions to a new world, but we’re here and we can’t o back so let’s make the most of this. We have a new start, a new chance at doing the things humanity failed to do on Earth, between magic and science we can do just about anything here, we can live long, happy, healthy lives and see our children and grand children thrive in this utopia.” The crowd cheers. “So one this day, the 1st of July, I proclaim independence, independence from pain, from evil, from fear, from everything that made life so hard where we came from. Today I decree us to be a free city state of Equestria, the princesses,” I motion towards the sisters who stand next to me on the stage, “have already given me their blessing and approval to do this. My people, my friends, my family, I welcome you to your new home, to your new life, to a second chance. I welcome you to Haven.”

I steel myself as a round of fireworks is fired off and I bow as the crowd start to roar its approval. I look around at these people, men, women, and children from all walks of life, and I think to myself that this city of haven is just that, a haven for good, for love, for peace and prosperity.

This is a haven for all those necessary parts in the world, be they man, woman, pony, griffin, or anything else. This is a haven for my family and I.

And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

End of act II