The life and times of Lafayette Ryder

I slam on the brakes and swing the door open with much more force than necessary. I hop out of my truck and run into the clusterfuck of angry, brawling reptilians.

“What the fuck is going on?!?” I scream as I dodge wings, claws, and teeth. When I don’t receive an immediate answer I get pissed.

My flesh rends as two pairs of demonic wings expose themselves and stretch outward, my hands morph into six clawed digits, and my suit of armor affixes itself to my body. I flap hard and lift myself into the air, knocking away stray punches and swings as I do, until I’m hovering above the massive free-for-all. I clamp one hand to my throat and tear at my throat; as blood flows from my neck I scream and the pain allows me to focus my magic and amplify the volume of my words to ear-splitting levels.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!?!” the sheer loudness of my speech causes most of the rioting reptiles to cower in fear and cover their ears in pain. A single large, grayish silver dragon remains standing as the rest lay on the ground, trembling at my Dragonoid appearance.

“My children were playing, nothing more I swear.” Sujenymos tells me. “I apologize that they became so rambunctious in their activities; it is in our nature to fight each other for both entertainment and training.”

“Well knock that shit off while you’re here, hell, I thought there was a war being fought out here.” I tell him.

“Children,” he commands in an authoritarian tone, “none shall gain until we leave the land of Haven lest it be of absolute necessity. Any who do shall be punished by your father just as soon as we leave. Understand?” as he says this in English/Equestrian he grunts out deep, throaty roars in Draconic simultaneously. How he just managed to speak in two languages at once is far beyond my comprehension, but I digress. As soon as his bellowing voice ceases everyone of the now silent and still dragons answer in unison.

“Ulybnyoldn!” they shout before resuming their actions prior to the fight.

Sujenymos lowers himself uneasily to the ground and a few of his youthful brides immediately rush to his side.

“Ywolen magte resydun,” he reverts to Draconic once more to speak to them, “Bwegs nalla zyx.” The wives moan in disappointment and cuddle up next to Sujey’s stomach and chest. The ancient lizard strokes the wife nearest his claws and looks to me. “Would you care to stay and converse for a time?” he asks.

“YES!” Twilight answers without hesitation.

“No.” I refuse.

“No?” Twilight asks astoundedly.

“No?” Sujey questions my sudden disinterest in him.

“No.” I confirm.

“For whatever reason?” Sujenymos asks as Twi gapes at me in disbelief.

“It’ll be getting dark soon, I’m not feeling well all of a sudden, and I’d very much like to get back to my boys and spend some time with them.”

“You have sired children?” Sujey asks.

“Yes, two boys, one human and one equine, and I’ve recently adopted a Roc chick.”

“I would like little more than to meet your family.” He tells me.

“Well then follow us back to Ponyville and I’ll introduce you to them all.”

“Very well,” he says while slowly rising to his feet, “you go on ahead, I’ll catch up shortly.”

“Cool.”

Twi and I walk back to the truck and get in; by the time the engine’s on Sujenymos is in the air and ready to go.

“Race ya there!” I shout as I punch it.

We rocket into Ponyville at nearly a hundred and thirty miles an hour. Next to me Twilight’s praying and griping the “Oh shit handles” for all they’re worth, above me Sujey ol’ boy is flying hard to keep up with us. We near the house and I open my door and roll out.

“BAIL!” I yell as I ditch the still moving vehicle.

“WHAT THE-” Twilight screams as the truck heads for a thick tree. “FUCK!?!” she finishes saying as she teleports from the out of control car and next to me. “What the hay was that for?” she asks me. I stop laughing long enough to wave my hand and stop the truck in its tracks but then I start cackling all over again.

“I do believe I’ve been beaten.” Sujenymos says as he lands next to me.

“Don’t sweat it bro,” I tell him, “you did pretty good. Now how about we go get the boys and start some introductions.”

Twi and I walk inside while Sujey rests his old bones next to the house.

“Thaddeus, Starbright, Leeerroooyy!” I shout as we walk into the library.

“Hey daddy!” and “Mama!” they call from their spots next to Spike at a table.

“Sup?” Spike looks up from the books he was reading them and at us.

“Not much, I’ve got a friend waiting outside to meet you.”

“Who?” Spike asks curiously.

“Sujenymos, king of the Dragons.” I tell him.

“You’re shitting me.” he says flabbergasted by my announcement.

“I shit you not.” I try to assure him but he’s out the door before I can even end my sentence. I chuckle and hug my boys. “Come on now; let’s not keep our company waiting.”

Together Twi, all three of the boys, and I walk outside to chat with our new friend.

Maybe things won’t go badly after all.

Maybe.