A Twisted Change

by Majikkstar

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Adventure, Human
Length: 9161

Two Soldiers, a man and woman, are snapped to Equestira. They must learn to cope with their new bodies, new diets, and new lives.

Sergeant Grimm (a dude) and Corporal Tali (not a dude).

Two American soldiers and best friends (without benefits) who are in a losing fight against insectoid invaders (not a crossover, sorry... and they're not alien ants).

One being of Chaos (maybe two).

A plan that boggles even his mind, or her mind, that could end well or might end the ponyverse for a few seconds.

Follow the tale of two people, turned ponies, who have no idea how to act in modern pony society, yet have to make a living on the fringes of Equestria while carrying knowledge of human society and technology that are mostly useless in a quadrupedal world without hands, opposable digits, and a population that doesn't believe science can take them to the moon, much less that pens are more efficient than a quill.

And what's up with parchment? There are more than enough trees...

Note: Contains language American parents will fret over. :twilightoops:

Published 2016-02-22 23:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-01 15:07:51 UTC

Chapter 1

“Sergeant James R. Grimm?”

“Present.”

“Corporal Natiana Tali?”

“Present.”

“Now that we’re all here,” the platoon leader announced to his last two squad leaders, “we’re going to go over the evac plans. We’ve got civvies along sites two and three. Your squads will merge into one unit code named “Galloping Wind”. Your mission is the same as the others’.”

“Yeah, get the civvies to exfil site delta, this time, and kill as many of those seven legged freaks as we can along the way,” James said heartily.

“No,” Natiana said placing a hand on his forearm, “we have to get them to safety first. And, each other. We’ve lost too many to the fight. We get them out, we get out, we nuke this infested city and destroy their hive.”

“Tali’s right,” the platoon leader agreed, “once the hive is gone, we come back with the rest of anyone with a gun and J-list and mop the area up. Gear up and meet at the helipad as soon as you can. Your squads will be ready, I’ve made sure to have them called and get ready at the barracks before meeting at the dropsite.

“You’ll meet and greet your squads, gather the civvies, around fourteen at the school, marked here,” he pointed to a map of the city he was standing in front of. He moved to the side and sighed, looking at the various marks of infestation and lost units. Taken into the enemy insectoid hive, most alive and screaming was reported.

“You’ll then sneak them to site delta, two miles away to the north east. Sat recon shows this path is the least infested, but you know once you engage them, they’ll swarm. So, we’re going to have to be quiet as a feather and pray they are too.”

“And if we engage?” Tali asked.

“Run. Simple as that. Tell them to follow and you don’t look back. Get to the exfil site with the civvies or don’t. Make sure they know it’s all for themselves, once that bird is in the air the countdown begins and you have thirty minutes before the mushroom sprouts. It’ll be a historic moment, pray you’re there to see it, and not be part of it.”

“Great,” James grumbled, “a potential suicide mission for the sake of a few people.”

“Every person counts and you know that.”

“Yeah, I know, I know. That presidential speech about how today’s child could be tomorrow’s scientist to solve cancer cures or whatever. Bullshit if you ask me.”

“Hey, we wouldn’t be where we are if some kid didn’t grow up to invent stuff we use all the time,” said defensively with arms crossed.

“And those bugs wouldn’t be fucking our city over if-”

“Enough! I’m tired of hearing you two bitch like an old married couple. I swear, fuck and get it out of your system and complete the mission or just do your fucking jobs and fuck later.”

Both squad leaders looked away from each other and blushed.

“That’s what I thought. Good hunting and I’ll see you in the Dakota’s.”

“Yeah, whatever,” James said getting up and walking quickly to the door, anxious to leave the small meeting room and get suited up for combat.

“Alright, “ Natiana said as she looked in the stand mirror in her room, “basic loud out done. Now off to the armory. Grimm?! Ya done rubbin’ it or ya want help?” she shouted across the hall to the closed door across the hall.

The door opened quickly and he stood tall, right fist clenched, and glaring at her. “I’m not doing that. Get to the armory,” he ordered her.

She grinned and left her room, closing the door and making sure it was locked before turned and giving him a salute. “See you in six and a half, minutes, sir.”

She ended her salute with a flair and right faced, marching formally down the hall as a he grumbled to himself and closed his room door.

He was fully dressed for combat, save for ranged weapons. He sat on his double bed, made perfectly with hospital corners that were the pride and joy of his room and reached to the nightstand and grasped a picture in his hand.

Himself and a younger man at a barbeque during Fourth of July several years prior. He dropped the frame to the floor, shattering the glass and breaking the picture loose. He kicked the glass away and grabbed the picture, turning it over.

James and Walter
Bruhz fer life
2010

“Bro, I’ll see ya soon.”

He got up and crumpled the photo, shoving it into his right breast pocket before patting himself down, making sure he had his wallet, keys, and smart phone.

He chuckled to himself. “Old habits, even at the end of the world.”

He opened his room door and left it open when he departed.

“One M4. Three M33… Well, since it’s going ta hell take six. Ya never know,” the armory sergeant chuckled through the metal mesh lined safety glass, “and we got a few clips ready ta go. Lastly, here ya are,” he said sliding a small satchel through the window to Natiana.

“And, what’s that?” she asked slinging her weapon.

“It’s chocolate,” he said with a wink and sly smile.

She forced a smile and sighed through her teeth. “Thanks, sarge, but it ain’t happenin’.”

His smile didn’t waver as his eyebrows danced. “I’ll see ya in a couple days, we’ll talk about the sweets then, babe.”

She rolled her eyes and turned away from him after roughly grabbing the last of her equipment and weapons, hustling out of the room, the feeling of the creepy guy looking at her ass as she left encouraged her to move faster.

“Woah, slow down, Tali,” Grimm said walking past her, “what’s the rush?”

She slowed but continued and mouthed the words ‘creepy’ before she turned the corner to safety from the visual assault.

“Afternoon Sergeant,” the armorer said, “got your gear… ready, I was saving those for someone else,” he said as Grimm had opened the satchel and taken out the plain box of chocolates.

“Well, looks like they have a new owner,” Grimm replied opening the box and eating one. She smirked then grimaced, spitting it out. “Gah, fucking cherry coconut? What the fuck is wrong with you?” he said as he stared the other sergeant down.

“N-nothing, just, getting your gear. Good hunting, sarge.”

“Yeah,” he said wiping his mouth on his forearm, “and no one in their right mind likes that combination. Seriously, who’d fuck'n eat that?”

He grabbed his gear and weapons, the same as Tali had received, before leaving the room and bumping into Tali, sending her chest first onto the floor.

“What the holy shit?!”

“Fuck! Why the hell don’t you watch where you’re going, Tali?”

“Hey, I was trying to pack my clips and you fuckin’ ram me like I was one of your saturnight dates?”

He stood tall and blushed lightly looking to his right. “Sorry,” he huffed.

She forced herself to roll over and extended a hand. “Help me up, big guy, then I’ll forgive you.”

“Fine,” he replied gruffly grasping her hand and yanking her hard to her feet.

“Ass.”

“Hole.”

He smirked. “Bitch.”

“Fucker.”

“Dick.”

She stood on her tip toes to reach her eye level to his nose. “You are what you eat.”

He sneered. “That’s why I’m a pussy.”

She was the first to laugh, spittle spraying across his face.

He joined her in a hearty laugh, wiping his face on his left forearm and punching her in the arm. “Fine, you win. Let’s get to the choppah.”

She giggled as she finished loading the last of her ammo clips into her LBV and attached her helmet. “Ah, you’re just so easy.”

“That’s what I told your mom.”

“Ooohhh, I could just hit you,” she said with a grin as she cocked her left arm and let it loose, striking him in the bicep.

“Ow, you almost bent my arm hairs,” he said looking down at her petite hand on his bulky arm.

“Oh, that’s it,” she said beginning to pummel him.

He sighed and started loading his equipment across his LBV, finishing with a grin to her. “Let’s get going, killer.”

“One of these days I’ll punch you and it’ll hurt, for real.”

“Yeah, you can drag me a hundred feet but you can’t punch to save yer life,” he chuckled deeply as he slung his weapon and left the room for the exit across the building.

“Yeah,” she said catching up to him and looking ahead, “well I have strong legs and wimpy arms. You’re just lucky I can drag your giant ass that far.”

“Yeah, and I can throw you half that without trying.”

She elbowed his stomach armor. “You did that once and I still have to get even.”

He grumbled another chuckle. “Yeah, ready and waiting. Here we are, ya ready?”

She patted herself down, tugged her ears, lifted her breasts inside her armor to make herself laugh. “I forgot my earrings.”

They stood by the double doors, he looked at her from the corner of his eye. “What the hell do you need those for.”

“Because if I had them, I’d take ‘em off and show that I mean business.”

He lowered his chin, raised his hand, and massaged the bridge of his nose. “I can’t believe you’re my best friend.”

“You can choose your friends, you can’t choose your STD’s. Remember that.”

He dropped his arms by his sides limply and whined. “God, why’re you so fucking weird?”

“You love it. Now, let’s go out there and kick some insectoid ass!” She shouted kicking the door firmly and falling onto her butt and rolling to her side. She began to laugh embarrassedly.

He reached to the handle and pushed it. “Yeah, there are security doors, you have to-”

“I know that! Just, never talk about this,” she said standing up again and adjusting herself to look professional. “We’re some of the last on base, if anyone finds out I’ll know it was you,” she said turning and walking into the doorway divider and stumbling back.

“...Wow, I couldn’t pay anyone to believe what I’m seeing right now.”

She stood tall, adjusted her helmet, and walked out of the door he’d opened for her in silence, the humor having left her.

Chapter 2

The heavy thumping sound of the helicopter filled her ears as she hopped out, the air pressed against her petite body but she didn’t let the strain show as she gripped the rifle in her hands and ran ahead several paced, taking a knee and looking down the sights of her weapon.

A few seconds later she was patted on the shoulder and stood up and watched as four armored soldiers ran by her. She joined them and took a center position as the helicopter took off and angled away.

“Sierra Mike Delta, this is Bravo Team, checking in. Operation Galloping wind is going active; over.”

“Fucking hell, Tali. What the hell are you going on about?”

“Foxtrot Uniform, Big Popo,” Tali’s voice crackled through the headset as Grimm waved his squad ahead.

“Okay, mission is simple; get to the school, get the people out. Then we get to the exfil site and get clear.”

“Don’t you mean the McDonald’s on 32nd Avenue? Can I get a happy meal, large size?”

Several sighs coalesced through their comms.

“Radio silence is in effect,” Grimm mumbled.

“Copy,” Tali said with a firmness as even she took a professional attitude.

With a motion she waved her left hand in the air and pointed down the road ahead. With a quiet shuffle her group of five went ahead, weapons ready and each scanning their own sectors as they moved to a nearby building and stacked up.

Grimm smiled as he did the same, taking his team on their own path to the school.

With a final thumbs up, Tali patted her teammate on the shoulder and vanished around the corner.

Grimm followed his point man around the corner, his rifle held tightly and his finger off the trigger, he turned the corner. He smiled internally; the street was clear. A small metropolis in its own right, the city had been infested by an unknown and classified insect colony.

It wasn’t his job to ask, but he felt the bugs weren’t of the earth. They had seven legs, a soft teal flesh over their exoskeletons, and three black eyes that all moved independently. Of the four he’d killed already in the evacuations he’d gotten more of a sense that they were intelligent, and not just some bugs, as it were.

He glanced out of the corner of his eye and instinctively held a fist high, stopping in place he lowered his fist to his rifle and scanned for movement.

A human peeked from a window and hid again. Patting his point man and pointing they detoured and made their way to the small house. They took guard while he ran up the steps and knocked on the door, ‘shave and a haircut, two bits’.

The door creaked open and a young woman peeked out. “Please, help me-“

“Are you alone?” Grimm asked.

“N-no, well, yeah. M-my mom, she’s…” she sniffled as she opened the door. The stench of death wafted from the house.

“Ma’am, we need to go. Come with us, please.”

“I-I don’t know,” the woman replied quietly.

“We’re going to… the Mcdonald’s on 32nd avenue, meet us there or stay here,” he said as he turned and walked down the steps. The door creaked closed as he rejoined his team, returning to their tactical movements.

The sound of weapons fire stole their attention.

Tali moved ahead with her team for several blocks before they came across a dead body. A human man, middle aged, and all was left of him was part of his torso and head.

She made a motion with her hands before the team knelt down and waited. She took a deep breath and tapped the man in front of her. They began slowly moving, looking intently down the sights of their rifles, scanning the street and buildings as they crossed.

A quiet hiss got their attention from above as an insectoid fell next to the from a ladder spaced between buildings’ roofs.

“Open fire,” Tali shouted taking aim and firing blindly at the creature as it scurried toward them.

Three more jumped from windows of nearby buildings, surrounding them and shrugging off the bullets as they approached.

“Fucking, fuck, fuck, shit! We’re not penetrating them,” one of the men said as he fired.

“That’s what you say to your girlfriend, not to these bastards! Aim for the eyes,” she shouted landing a round into one of the attacking, felling it to the street. “Holy shit, a bullet to the eye goes through their brains, duh! Make ‘em count,” she shouted as she took a step towards the next she was aiming at.

A minute later the insectoids were dead and the team was replacing their magazine clips.

“Corporal, let’s get. Ain’t gonna wait fur us, don’t wait fur ‘em.”

“Copy that. Team, line up and move out.”

“End radio silence. Bravo team, copy? OPFOR status, out?” Grimm asked.

“OPFOR is down, two blocks to school and thirty rounds chambered all around. See you there, out,” Tali replied as she moved with her team across the street and down the block.

“Copy that, out. Team Alpha, four blocks to go. Moveout.”

“HUA.”

Tali arrived at the school first. The yard was littered with garbage, several dumpsters and cans had been brought and dumped; the insectoids having a strong distaste for garbage was a good defense, if you could find enough.

Modern recycling and waste management systems would process nearly all waste created by humans, so most, if any waste and garbage was sparse to begin with.

“These guys’re smart, good thing they’re in a school. Let’s get in there and secure the entrance before Alpha shows up,” Tali said as she took point and led them through the school yard.

“Jesus, look at this place? I went to school here when I was a kid…”

“And what? That was fifteen years ago, doofus.”

“Hey, shut it, gentlemen,” Tali scolded as they approached the doorway.

An insectoid fell in front of them from the roof, quickly being dispatched by a startled teammate. “Well, that happened,” he said as he was punched celebratorily in the arm.

“Nice shot. Let’s get inside.”

“Wait, grab the bug,” Tali said as she walked to the door and tried the handle.

“Uh, corporal…”

“Damnit, it’s locked,” she said shoving harder against the heavy storm doors.

“Corporal,” the others started snickering.

“Damn, it. Fine, let’s try the other doors. Private Klipp, check the windows as we go, we have to get inside,” she said as another teammate walked past her and pulled the door open.

“...Great work,” she smiled warmly, “you passed the test.”

She walked past his and once passed crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue at her mistake.

Several minutes later, after they had secured the entrance Grimm’s team arrived.

“Tali, looks like ya got this place in good shape. Ya find any civvies yet?”

“Nah, had too much fun takin’ out bugs with my team. Let’s cut the horseshit and find these people and get the fuck outta here.”

“HUA,” all the others said to Tali. They grouped together into a squad and began searching hallway by hallway, room by room.

“Found someone,” a squad member said taking a knee by a classroom door, quickly being flanked by the others.

With a count on Grimm’s fingers from five to one, they opened the door and quickly secured the room, finding several people, a police officer, and three children about ten years of age.

“Are there any others?” Tali asked.

“I’m officer Brahm, there’s only us. Are you here to help us?”

“No shit, Sherlock.”

“Hey,” one of the women said firmly, “kids,” she pointed to the youths.

“Oh, what the fuck? They hear worse fucking things in fucking school than fuck, right, ya little fucks?” Grimm said with a smirk as the woman fumed.

“Bitch yeah,” one of the children said fist pumping.

“Okay, maybe they need to learn usage,” Grimm said before resuming his professional facade.

“Okay, stow it, kids,” Tali spoke up. “Officer, ya got any rounds in that pea shooter?”

“Yeah, a few left. Can’t get through their armor with AP rounds and I wasn’t given any.”

“Yeah, I know that feel,” Tali mumbled, “let’s go. We’re going to the big m on 32nd Avenue. It’s only about a mile and change to go, then you’ll be lifted by helicopter to a safe location.”

“‘Fore they nuke the place,” a squad member grumbled.

“Shit,” the woman said looking out the window at the blue sky, a few wispy clouds, and a vapor trail.

“Let’s move,” Grimm said shouldering his rifle and walking out the door of the classroom.

“Yeah, let’s just go,” the woman said, “I’m Jane, a teacher here… or, I was.”

“Let’s just get going,” Tali interrupted, “we have a couple hours to clear the blast zone.”

“Okay,” one of the girls said.

The group of people followed Tali out of the room and were given a quick lesson on hand signals as they left the halls and approached the entrance doorway.

“Shit! Contact ahead,” Grimm shouted as he fired a round into the group of insectoids.

“Aim for the eyes!”

The creatures scrambled forward, ignoring the bullets that grazed their teal flesh and either held firm or dropped to the ground, harmless.

They scurried into the squad and, using one of their side legs, tried to grab the soldiers. Three were grabbed and pulled, screaming and shouting, emptying their weapons into the bodies of the insectoids to no avail.

“Shit, shit, shit. They’re taking them! Stop the fuckers,” Grimm shouted as he ran out of rounds and switched magazines. The sound of weapons fire filled the corridor; ears rang and words were lost amid the cacophony of popping. Gunpowder, spent and burnt, filled the air with it’s sweet scent.

The squad chased the insectoids into the schoolyard, stopping as they ran out of ammunition and reloaded, the insects scurrying into a crack in the ground just past the parking lot, opposite where they’d approached from.

“C’mon, let’s get out of here,” Tali said sternly. She turned and began range walking away, choking back a sob.

Without a word the other soldiers gathered the civilians and ushered them into the center of their group, making for the evacuation site.

Their journey started grim and silent, even the children didn’t say anything; no questions, no comments, no thoughts on what had happened.

“Three blocks down, seven ta go. Stay ready,” Tali said with a heavy heart, “and aim for the eyes. No more today. Not a single one,” she growled with a sneer.

Her words steeled the nerves of everyone around her until a hiss emanated from several spots around them.

Houses seemed to explode as dozens of insectoids charged out of the windows and doors. The soldiers growled, grabbed their M33 grenades from the chests. “Proper grip, thumb to clip. Twist, pull… throw.” Tali screamed finally as her grenade joined the others.

“Duck,” a squad member shouted as he and the others jumped and huddled over the civilians. The air vibrated and screams from the insects filled the air. As the soldiers stood it began to rain insectoid entrails upon the group as they looked at the carnage with a sense of pride.

Most of the insectoids were dead while the survivors escaped, one crawling away, missing half its body.

“Save your rounds, let’s hurry,” Tali said as she turned ahead again.

“This feels like a video game,” one of the adults, who was quiet until now, said. “It’s like we’re just gonna be attacked every block and have to fight them off.”

“Shut up, civvie. I just lost three of my friends to these things and comparing their… loss, to a video game is just… wrong,” Tali said glancing back.

“S-sorry.”

“Be sorry when you’re dead, until then be quiet,” a squad member said as they passed another house.

They were walking and watching all around them, even the trees weren’t safe from the barrel of their rifles. Rooftops of the suburban homes were watched for any movement and the trimmed grass on the front lawns were scanned for any motion, in case they fell open to a hive tunnel.

The stopped at a corner, the soldiers taking a knee while the civilians knelt down. “Two blocks ta go. Keep yer heads on a swivel, we’re leaving the residences and getting to the main streets. When we’re within a block we run. If you fall behind you stay behind. I have no want to die today.”

“Or to lose anyone else,” Tali added looking at Grimm with squinting eyes. “I’ll be the anchor with Pax. If they fall behind I’ll shove a rifle in the back of their heads to keep them moving.”

A few gulps went around the eleven civilians.

“Okay, silence now. We’re going to move quickly then we’re going to run like bats outta hell.”

“HUA, Grimm,” was stated in unison from the remaining soldiers.

They arrived, panting at the McDonald’s parking lot and glancing around. “Where the fuck is the copter?!”

“Grimm, stay calm. I bet they’re just straight up, hiding in the sky. Pop smoke and let’s get inside, we’ve gotta wait for them to get us.”

They kicked in the glass door and filed in, taking seats and beginning to spend their time as wisely as they could. The soldiers checked their equipment while watching for enemies and the civilians milled around the center of the store and engaged in idle conversations among themselves.

“Well,” Grimm asked Tali as he joined her in watching the front windows for enemy movement, “what d'ya think’s goin’ on? They might not be the best but they’re not this late.”

“I know,” she sighed in reply, “I just have a bad feeling about this whole mission; I just didn’t wanna bring it up.”

“Me too,” he said looking down to her, “but I didn’t wanna scare ya.”

She smirked and craned her neck to see him. “Yeah, I’d be more scared if you were scared,” she said leaning against him. “What if they left us? Grimm,” she whispered, “I don’t wanna die like this.”

“Hey, I’ll be there to take the blast first if you want.”

“Yeah, like I want your atoms blowing through my body?!” she whispered loudly and elbowed his armor.

“Side by side, then?”

“The same way I’ve imagined,” she said softly.

“What was that?”

“Oh, nothing,” she said feeling a warmth in her cheeks, “just agreeing.”

“Wait, do you smell that?”

She took a step away and looked at him. “Seriously?”

“No, I smell… ugh,” he coughed covering his mouth and nose with his hand, “what the hell is that?”

Several others started coughing before the all were gagging at the awful stench that filled the restaurant.

A series of low, steady noises came from all around them before one of the soldiers opened fire.

“We’re surrounded! Fucking fuck, I’m not going out like this,” another shouted pulling a grenade and throwing it through the shattered window that his friend had just opened.

Scanning the area around Grimm and Tali gulped. At least twenty insectoids, that they could see at the moment, were scurrying toward them.

They called a cease fire and gathered everyone to the center of the dining room, taking guard behind dividers and tables as best they could as the insectoids approached and stopped outside the building.

A single antennae moved from the creatures’ heads and wiggled before retracting. The creatures looked intently inside but didn’t move closer.

“What’re they waiting for?” a child asked as she held close to one of the adults.

“Shh.”

“B-but, I don’t wanna d-die.”

“Shut. UP,” a male shouted startling the girl into tears.

“Okay, keep yer cool, gents and ladies. Pick yer targets and get ready.”

The creatures looked up and did the equivalent of sitting on their rears.

“What’re they doing?”

“I don’t know… but we’re not getting out of here ‘til they’re gone.”

“What do we do, Sarge?”

“We can’t take ‘em all out. We can’t run. We sure as shit can’t hide and wait ‘em out. Any ideas?”

Silence reigned.

Minutes passed.

The creatures didn’t move, simply seeming to stare into the sky while seated before the stench wafted over them again.

“Gah, are they taking a collective dump?”

“No, maybe they’re talking?”

“Ugh, -urp- I hope this isn’t them asking for peace,” someone stammered while gagging.

A low rumbling came from below them and, for a few minutes, they weathered the shaking before the ground collapsed beneath them, sending them into a pit; a tunnel system.

“The hive?”

“Shit… Get ready,” Grimm said a swarm of insects ran through the tunnels, the stench following them. With no option to fire without hitting each other, they resigned themselves to being snatched up and carried away, deeper into the depths of the hive.

They were taken into a large chamber far below the surface where the stench overwhelmed them to the point that most of them threw up.

“What the heck,” Grimm said after he wiped his mouth, “why aren’t we dead?”

A man's voice spoke proudly before them all before darkness took them; then in a flash of light Tali and Grimm were gone.

Chapter 3

All was white around Tali and Grimm as they came into awareness. No noise escaped them as their vision was overwhelmed, a near 270 degrees of vision flooded their mind, sending them reeling. Or, at least, if they’d had bodies they would have reeled.

They sensed each other, in an ethereal manner they couldn’t explain or describe, but knew the other was there.

They each began to focus their vision until it became crisp and clear… and confusing.

What they each saw was a lush, green, vibrant tropical island that had shattered and told the laws of physics to go on timeout for doing something right.

A single wooden path connected dozens of fragments of the island scattered across their view that was looping and twisting around and even through itself. Trees clung to the grassy side appearing to be in living and thriving order while several pools of water floated around arbitrarily and without meaning.

The sky, or whatever it was, that was all around them, outside the limits of the island swirled with a mix of dark colors. Every so often a tornado would appear and flash away.

A single house appeared to be standing on a grassy lawn several loops and turns away down the path; the only thing that seemed normal. Until it melted.

“Oh, my, my, my. Your gaze sure is intent on my home, you melted it with your… Oh,” a female voice jovially chirped, “you’re new here, I see. I imagine another toy my good amigo,” a creature appeared in front of them wearing a poncho, sombrero, and waving maracas with a toothy grin, “sent to me to have so FUN with,” she screamed a trilling noise at them.

“Oh, you’re not laughing. Is it because you’re just amorphous blobs of floating green energy? Oh, D… You’re such a fan of the classics,” she grinned waving a talon with a flourish. “There, much better.”

Tali blinked and opened her mouth, gasping for a breath as the world swam around her, her body thudded into the grass.

“We’re thirsty, give us beans,” the grass shouted as she gasped desperately.

“Oh, you need air to breathe,” the creature cooed before opening her mouth and allowing a flood of green water flow from her eyes and over Tali.

Taking a deep breath of fresh-ish water Tali began to gasp and swim at odd angles.

“O~kay, so you’re not naturally fish,” she leaned in and waved the same talon again.

Gasping for air, Tali flailed in the water. Kicking and waving as primal terror as her mind filled with thoughts of herself drowning in a weird version of hell.

The water fell to the ground, causing the grass to groan in frustration.

Okay, so elk need air where you’re from. Fine thing to learn as we go… So,” she stood tall and polished a cloven hoof on her elbow, “what are a couple of elk like you doing in my dimension like this?”

An unsteady bleating sound emanated from both now-elk soldiers as they stumbled, muzzled first into the grass.

“Help, she’s gonna eat me!” several blades screamed as the elk stood for the first time and looked around, groaning a sentence.

“I don’t speak elk, it seems. Why don’t you speak more normal.”

“I’m trying,” Tali shouted, surprising herself. She looked over to Grimm who was lying on his back trying to flip over, as a turtle.

“Ah, there we go. You speak language three,” the creature said vanishing from sight in an instant, my name is Eris,” she whispered inside Tali’s head before sliding halfway out of her nose like a worm and resting her elbows on Tali’s snout.

Tali screamed and flailed, falling to her haunches and then to her side. Grimm was still struggling, now between Tali’s front and rear legs.

“I thought you’d like that, but I guess snot, huh?”

Tali froze and looked over to Eris, then snorted a laugh.

“Well, it may snot have been very funny, but I fell for it.”

The turtle hissed.

“Well, you’re certainly a,” with a wave of her talon she produced a barrel, “barrel of laughs,” she said pouring sound notes across the two animals that popped into various chuckles.

The turtle hissed.

“Oh, he wants to join in? Well, two elk are better than one… or is that noses?” She wiggled her nose, turning Grimm into an elk who promptly fell over across Tali. “Oh my, mating season already?” Eris blushed.

“Don’t let them eat us; fight back,” the grass shouted, waving in a slight breeze against Grimm’s snout.

“Oh, shut up,” he said spitting on the grass as he forced himself up, “and you two,” he stumbled but maintained his balance, “no more jokes, just get us home, snake thingie.”

Eris gasped and clutched her chest. “Ah, to think of myself as a snake’s thingie? What a small minded creature,” she grinned proudly holding Grimm in the crook of her cloven hoof, “and what a small creature you are indeed.”

“Gah!?” he shouted stumbling and falling back as the giant yellow eyes with purple irises loomed over him.

“Hey, let him go,” Tali shouted taking to her hooves and frowning. “He may be small in a lot of ways, but he’s got a big heart.”

“Y-yeah… wait, Tali?!”

Eris laughed and threw him into her mouth as she shouted into the darkness. He fell to the ground with a splash as he splashed in the waters around him gasping.

“Help, help. Oh god, don’t let me die like this,” he wept as he panicked.

“Hey, open your eyes, genius,” Tali said from behind him.

He was in a kiddie pool and back to normal size; for an elk. He stopped thrashing and rolled to his belly, clearing his throat. “That was manly where I’m from.”

“Yeah, I can’t wait to hear you say that when you see the video,” Tali giggled from a lounge chair with a sun umbrella over her and eris, who was holding a camera, both were holding a coconut with a straw in it.

“Dear, I’m thinking this’ll get me an Oscar. Sorry Leo,” she said looking at me with a wink.

“Yeah,” he said stepping out of the pool and grumbling, “funny. Two Tali’s, just what I needed in the afterlife.”

Tali inhaled sharply. “Afterlife? But, I barely lived in my life life. I can’t be dead, not yet,” Tali looked at Eris with sad eyes.

“You’re not dead, at least not yet. The dead go through there, I don’t go in there, more moaning than date night,” Eris grinned, pressing her cheek with Tali’s and pointing at a door floating in the middle of the aether beyond the ground.

“Now, I get the feeling you’re not elk by nature. So, what are you?” Eris asked standing in front of both elk who were now side by side.

“Um, human’s, ma’am. We’re humans.”

“Well, now you have sense to speak to me like a lady,” she said wearing a frilly pink full length dress that hugged her serpentine body as she twirled a parasol and let it float her away until she vanished several feet above where she stood.

“So,” she asked sitting comfortably on Grimm’s head, “let’s get you back into your own forms, shall we?” she asked as Grimm shrieked in a very unmanly way at the creature perched on his head.

Tali chortled and fell back laughing, onto her butt.

She opened her eyes grinning as the world, while still weird, looked normal through human eyes again.

She looked at her hands and winced at their size as a sudden scream, a very girlish scream, came from her right.

She looked over to see Grimm in a light blue sun dress. Long golden hair reached to the middle of his back, his chest was easily a C cup, his skin was fair and blemish free.

He looked to Tali with one of the prettiest faces she’d ever seen in real life as her heart skipped a beat and she felt herself slyly grin.

“Hey,” a deep man’s voice rumbled from her mouth. Her eyes widened as he clutched his throat and hummed a deep baritone.

“Holy shit,” he bellowed hopping to his feet and looking to Grimm as her eyes darted across his body, stopping at his crotch.

Grimm smirked before blushing heavily and squeaking, covering her mouth and shaking her head. “No, no, no, no. I did not just… no. No. What the hell, snakie?”

They both looked to Eris who was popping popcorn between her ‘hands’ and eating them as they popped. “Well, that is most interesting. I didn’t know you had such interesting mating behaviors. Are you going to go at it right now?”

“Shut it,” Tali snapped with a glare. “I’M a woman. He’s a man. I don’t want… this thing?!”

“Oh-ho-ho? What about me,” Grimm asked as she placed her fists on her round, ample hips and turned to face Eris. Tali couldn’t help but follow the curvacious body of his best friend, stopping at her perfect ass.

Tali felt a stirring in her pants and shot Eris a glare that could kill. “Turn us right or I’ll make you regret it,” he snarled.

“Well, looked like I dun goof’d, a’hyuk,” Eris guffawed as she winked to them.

Tali sniffled and grinned. The feeling in her pants was gone, she felt her chest and sighed at the B’s that graced her, and she looked over to see Grimm, tall and handsome as he ever was… as a friend.

He did have a nice butt, though.

She shook her head and noticed his line of sight and rolled her eyes stepping toward his smirking face before she shoved his chest.

“Now I know what guys think when they look at us like that, perv.”

“Hey, I can’t help it! It’s the way of man,” he said standing still, looking down at the petite woman glaring up at him.

“Yeah, your way is the fastest way inside.”

“Yeah, it’d never fit; too small.”

“Yeah,” she grinned happily, “I’d never know it was in until you were done.”

He scowled at her then looked to Eris who was lying on a heart shaped bed, rose petals slowly rained on her from above as her eyes looked on with a sultry expression.

“Three-way?”

Both humans shouted. “SHUT UP and change us back.”

“Fine, fine. But, I have an idea,” she held a balloon up shaped like an eye with a fluorescent light bulb over it, “first; conserve and recycle, kids. You only have one planet,” she’s telling you firmly, “second, I have a better idea! Your earth is so, boring. I’ll send you to a world where excitement is around every saturday for about twenty two minutes.

“Where the sky is blue, the grass is green… and so are some of the sentient population. A world where you have a chance to make a change… or not. It’ll be just fun to peek on you as you go alone.

“Now, off with ya, ya skallywags,” Eris said to them as they were tied and standing on a plank over an ocean. The pirate captain, Eris, pointed a spaghetti noodle at them and winked.

“Computer, remove plank.”

The humans shouted as they fell, fell, fell into an endless abyss.

Arrival

Grimm grumbled and huffed. He hated sleeping on his back, and his back was itching something fierce.

He shifted and rolled to his side, the blanket slipped from him sending a slight chill over his chest. He mumbled under his breath and started to doze off again before opening his eyes in shock.

He knew his body, he knew the dream he’d just had… and this wasn’t his body and, no naked women meant it wasn’t a dream.

He lifted his head and blinked several times.

He was in a small room, and a horse was in a bed opposite him. A horse with a horn. And huge eyes that took up most of its face.

He gulped.

Eyes facing forward, not to the sides… that meant it was a predator. Or, maybe just not as hunted.

Wait. Why’m I asking about that unicorn when I’m sleeping in the same room as it? What if it wakes up and attacks me? Could I fend it off? I feel so weird, like I’m wearing a head harness and damn am I itchy. WTF, seriously… Uhm…

He looked to his blue hooves, propping him up now, the orange fur that covered him was real. Each hair had it’s own follicle and moved when he blew on them, sending a slight dull feeling that reminded him of when he’d get bored during high school and take his mechanical pencil and poke the hairs on his arm.

His foreleg. His shoulder. His wings.

What the unholy fuck shit ASSHAT!! Shit a fucking dick!

His wings opened and flung the covers off him as he scrambled to a sitting position and quietly looked himself over. His visions blurred slightly from the rushing adrenaline as he took in his body.

I have a fuck tail. Oh holy fuck; Tali’s gonna give me crap about chasing tail for years…

He rolled his eyes at the colors; blue with a red stripe.

“At least the colors are American-ish.”

The unicorn stirred slightly. He froze and nickered quietly, followed by a very loud winney as he covered the front of his muzzle with his hooves, stifling a shout as his hoof scratched his top lip.

Tali screamed as the sound of a horse terrified her awake. Not one to brag, but she was a minor equinophobiac, and seeing one mere feet away was enough to send her screaming, scrambling to the wall her bed was against.

A tingling sensation, to best describe it, traveled from her belly to her neck, head, then a flash of light appeared over her head as the horse stared at her.

A couple seconds later she noticed the horse had wings. A beautiful creature in it’s own right.

Without a thought the light left her and shot toward the winged horse, sending it through the wall its bed was against with a guttural shout.

Tali screamed and stood tall, back against the wall, only to slowly at first topple forward.

“N-no, no, no, no!”

She stretched her arms out to catch herself only to see brick red paws of some sort as she fell off the bed and chest planted onto the floor with an oof.

Grimm watched the horse across from him sit up and scream. He knew the voice all too well, but before he could react the horn on the unicorn’s head, Tali’s head, sparkled.

He was entranced by the light it gave off, until the light shot at him.

He closed his wings around his body like a shield as the light struck him, sending him through the wall and into a hallway. Wood and plaster rained upon him as he coughed and relaxed his wings.

“Oof!”

He heard Tali’s voice as his ears stopped ringing a couple seconds after he cleared the dust from his eyes.

He was lying in his side but easily sat up and took to his four hooves, looking around the hall to find a door.

He looked to his right and saw he crashed through right next to the door to their room and sighed, coughing lightly as he inhaled the last of the settling dust.

Taking a step forward he stumbled and barely caught himself, scrambling back to his hooves with a sigh as Tali screamed a lung full of air.

Tali placed the arms, legs, things below herself and pushed up with relative ease as she moved her legs into a sitting position and landed on her plot with a quiet yelp as she rocked and steadied herself, feeling a braided tail thwap against her thigh.

He looked at her tail, two colors intertwined in the braid that her tail was in.

Brown and white? Dear god… Oh no, Deer God?! I have legs, not arms… Wait, not deer…

She inhaled and screamed as she fell to her side and scrambled wildly, forcing herself into circles on the floor like a top.

She stopped and looked around, eyes wide and breathing in fast pants as she tried to understand what was happening.

There was a clicking sound that got her attention, she looked to see the door she didn’t notice earlier.

The knob clicked and moved. Rotated slightly. Rattled, just like her teeth were doing in fear and confusion.

The knob stopped and silence loomed.

Grimm looked at the door having managed to move his legs in a slow pattern to get him that far.

A knob for a horse? Fantastic, what am I supposed to do to open this thing?

He reached a foreleg up and wobbled as he reached and tried turning it with the tip of his hoof.

He pulled at it from the side, pushed it a couple times, and contemplated biting it before turning back to the hole he made when Tali the horse had thrown him through the wall… with her horn.

A grin crossed his muzzle as he turned back to the hole and crouched by the edge.

Lowering himself like a predator he felt his tail sway as he jumped through the gap, his rear legs propelling him as his wings opened.

“Heya, hornball!” he shouted as his wings caught air and sailed him through the room at a slight arc and cranium first into the wall over Tali’s bed.

He grunted and fell to her bed, bouncing and landing next to her, biting his tongue and yelping.

Tali screamed and thrashed her forelegs at the random horse that had just flown at her and called her horny before landing next to her and spitting some blood venom at her.

She began to spin in reverse circles again as the other horse sat up and whined into its hooves, a tear leaving his left eye.

Thudding feet pounded nearby and approached, sounding like a half dozen people were coming to her aid.

Maybe to fix her, maybe to save her from the vampire horse. Either way it was better than being with a horse, even if she was one too.

The door opened and two ponies looked at them in awe, glancing around the room and the ponies that occupied it.

“Now, what in tarnation…”

Grimm and Tali stopped and looked at the first to speak. A grey coated, white maned winged pony with green eyes and a wicker hat.

Yes, wicker.

“Hon, just stay calm,” she said in a soft voice, placing a hoof on the stallions shoulder, “Ah’m sure these here travelers’ve got a good reason fer bustin’ up the house’nd actin’ the fools.”

He glanced at her and inhaled a calming breath. “Ah’m Silent Melody, this’ my neighbor, Shockwave. We were havin’ a spot’a lemonade ‘fore ya started wreckin’ my humble home.”

Tali looked at Grimm and pointed a foreleg at him. “He’s trying ta eat me!”

The room fell into deep silence for a long few seconds before everypony, except Tali, burst into laughter.

“Well, that’s how we found ya both. Don’t reckon Ah know what a hoo-nym is, but maybe ya’d be better off askin’ on yer travels,” Silent Melody said placing a pitcher of lemonade on the kitchen table.

Grimm was nursing a slight bruise on his cheek from a random slip on some debris from his through the wall incident while Tali was trying intently to look at her horn every chance she could.

“So,” Grimm started as he watched the earth pony move the pitcher of juice from his back, from being perfectly balanced, to the table with his teeth in such grace even a human ballarina would frown in frustration.

“When you found us in the center of your town here, Dissonance, we wearing battle saddles -whatever those are- and asleep in the grass.”

“Right!” Shockwave cheered from the doorway to the living room wearing a cheerleader outfit, “now that you get it, we just wanna know, why y’all stopped here ta sleep when there’s a inn right in the way’a town or maybe inta the next village over.”

“Tali, stop crossing your eyes,” Grimm said as he watched the earth pony pour two cups of juice with ease using his forehooves before sliding them to the outsiders, “we have to get our bearings.”

“Bearings? Star poop! … Did I just say… anyway, what if we were bears and not horses?!” she asked loudly clapping her left hoof onto the table with a slight wince at the sharp pain.

“Well, if’n ya were bears, Ah don’t think we’d’a been so neighborly to ya.”

“Eeyup,” Shockwave mumbles cantering into the room dressed in a vest and boots.

Grimm looked her over and sneered in confusion. “Weren’t you just wearing… uh, nevermind,” he blinked his confusion away, “I’m a talking horse, bound ta be seeing things.”

“A pony, bub,” Silent Melody said. “Oi! Stop callin’ me Silent Melody. The name’s Melody!”

“Uhm… Okay,” Grimm responded to… Melody. I can’t believe this fourth wall breaking stuff.

“That’s better,” Melody said, even though that’s more of a mare’s name. “Hey! I don’t ask about your name, don’t even think of making fun of mine.”

“Who’re you talking to?” Tali asked looking at Melody with a quirked eyebrow.

“Oh, nopony. Just, settling some old discords.”

“Uhm, Ah think ya mean, ‘accords’, darlin’,” Shockwave said as she kicked Melody into the fetlock and glared at him.

“Oh, why yes, of course,” he mumbled under his breath, “my mistake, Dearest.”

“Dearest? I thought you were neighbors?” Tali asked squinting her eyes.

“And neighbors can’t have a little time, now and again?” Shockwave said softly, biting Meladies ear.

“M-E-L-O-D-Y! If you’re going to pluralize my name you- Mpgghggpplbt.”

“Sorry, he’s been a bit unstable lately,” Shockwave said as she grinned before clearing her throat. She pulled half her foreleg from Melody’s mouth and shook it dry as she looked at the glasses of lemonade. “Aren’t you going to drink up? It’s fresh.”

Shockwave sat next to Melody on the floor, the table reaching just below her ribcage as she poured herself a cup of juice. The yellow liquid sploshed in the pitcher as she set it back, however it didn’t seem to be getting any lower.

Grimm raised an eyebrow as he grasped the cup, absentmindedly, lifting it to his lips and drinking. “Grah!?”

Tali squaled in fear as a light appeared atop her head and launched itself at Grimm who was still reeling from the stinging sensation of liquid citric acid washing over his mouth and lip wounds.

“Now, calm down, filly,” Shockwave said placidly, “no need ta send him through another wall. Drink yer juice and calm down, please,” she emphasized.

The glow vanished, as did the spark of fear in Grimm’s eyes, as she looked calmly to the table.

“W-what are we?”

“Ponies, dear. I’m a pegasus, like lippy over there. This here, Melody, is an earth pony. Miss, you’re a unicorn and ya need ta stop blastin’ the house. Offensive magic has its place and inside ain’t one’a them.”

Tali sighed and gulped over the lump in her throat as she reached both forelegs out and took the cup between her hooves. She raised it to her lips and took a sip.

“...” she swallowed and smiled, “it tastes just like Crystal Light.”

“Magic darling, it’ll taste like whatever you want.”

Grimm raspberried. “I didn’t want battery acid.”

“Then you shouldn’t have poked yerself like a foal suckin its hoof. Now,” Melody said finishing his glass and exhaling happily. The scent of ammonia covered the table. “ya don’t seem like normal ponies. I ain’t seen a sober pegasi fly inta a wall like that, and missy, yer magic is about as useful as a bee stinger on a grasshopper.

“Ah don’t care what yer story is, lady, but you’re havin’ a meet with Soundwave. She’s the local teacher and unicorn. She’ll help ya learn control and this lovely mare here’ll teach Lippy here how ta fly a bit better.”

He squinted his eyes, glancing between the two. “Ah’m gonna fix up my house, now if ya don’t mind,” Melody said taking to his four hooves and turning, walking away toward the damaged hallway.

“Yeah, he’s weird,” Tali said crossing her eyes and looking at the tip of her horn in her vision.

“Yeah, horny, he’s not the only one.”

“Says the horse with a stone head,” Tali replied.

“I can’t wait to see you unbraid your tail.”

“I can’t wait to see you chase some with that thing behind you.”

Grimm winced and looked back at his tail again. “Well, uh… you’re naked.”

“So are you, numb nuts… which by the way, I don’t see. Unic. Heh, unic-orn. Maybe there’s something to that.”

“Now,” Shockwave huffed, “ya stop that. Ain’t no bickerin’ in this room unless it’s between lovers. And y’all don’t take me as the sort. Now, what say ya drink up and we’ll head out. I’ll show ya around and ya can get yer legs stretched out. Ain’t seen a set’a stumblin sober ponies since the gas.”

Both guestes gulped and looked at her. “Gases? Like, war?”

“Nah, Hyperwave made chili and invited the town over for leftovers. Once we were in his house we were stuck, on account’a bein’ neighborly and all. Ain’t no one walkin’ straight after that gas chamber got us.”

Tali snorted. “Sounds like a gas, though.” Grimm rolled his eyes.

“So, what’s up with the eyes, by the way? Freaky as hell. Like, your, our faces are all eyes.”

“All the better to see, dear.” Shockwave said sweetly as she finished her drink and exhaled contently. The scent of mustard waved across the table. “That’s some good stuff. Ah’ll meet ya outside.”

She got up, cantered to the door, opened it with a hoof, and exited leaving the duo alone.

“So, now what?” Tali asked.

“I finish my grape flavored lemonade and meet her out there. I need to know the situation and… if I can fly. Plus, if I can, then we’re in for a treat! I can scout like a drone and relay intel to you in realtime.”

“Yeah, and I can blast a beam of light up your butt when you piss me off,” Tali responded with a grin.

Grimm grabbed for his cup, only this time it didn’t hold onto his hoof. “What the?” He tried several times before grasping his cup in both hands and carefully drinking the liquid. “Meet ya outside.”

He got up on four unsteady legs and carefully moved ahead, counting quietly to himself.

Tali took the last drink and galloped ahead of him and right outside, falling with a roll and a happy grin. “Nothin’ to it! It’s stopping that hurts.”