What is this, I don't even...
Look Ma I Made this Fic Myself
or
...What is this, I don't even...
___________________________________________________________________
By Snow Adore
Timothy Dolt was born in the U.S.A and was an average human in the same way that Whales and Cows are related (cause they are...and now you know).
The reason he was seen as such as an outsider is because he loved ponies...frequently...in his mind (what were you thinking for a second). This did lead to the nasty habit of clopping...frequently...but not in his mind. But that's okay, because everyone should be able to live their lives however they want and what they do in the privacy of their own home has nothing to do with anyone else. It was his simple constant craving.
It was however a problem that Timothy did it in the classroom. The only Trouble, other than the other humans currently chasing him down the street, is how the author assumes the teacher wouldn't do anything about it in the first place...surely Mr Dolt was not allowed to 'finish'...surely?
But these facts are still far less important than the fact that due to his 'in-class activities' he was now being chased by a group of school bullies...you can tell that they where bullies because they had bully like names (I don't know what a bully-like name would be so I'm not going to write them... but they where bullies).
Dolt was only able to get far enough away from them to give himself a good start through the cunning use of words...big words like serendipity and acquiesce.
The amount of time it took the bullies to figure out that their gray matter was incapable (another tricky word) of understanding such big words had given Timothy a few precious minutes head start.
Then suddenly something sudden happened, which surprised Timothy because of its suddenness.
He tripped on a rock and, through some form of serendipity (hope no bullies are reading this), fell into a portal that was really unexpected unless you where actually writing the story and using afore mentioned portal as some kind of plot device...and let's face it...who doesn't like a good plot (Authors advice to fellow authors: always remember to use words like sudden and unexpected so that the reader never sees it coming).
And the plot behind the portal was a ponies plot...because it was a portal to Ponyville...that's right...Motherfucking Ponyville (It took me 366 words before I actually started using swear words...I am so proud of me).
And not only was it a portal to MOTHERFUCKING Ponville but the bullies chasing him didn't fall in either.
How fucking convenient is that?!
And due to no other reason then I decided it to be so, he was a pony...no longer a humy...a pony. He had vomit green fur and a smokers-teeth yellow mane.
He was actually the kind of pony that other ponies would refer as, I believe the word was, ugly.
Very ugly.
He was the ugliest mare to ever be seen.
HOLY FUCK!!!!
He was now a she.
HE was an ugly MARE.
And he couldn't be more happy...he was a pony in ponyville and not even his/her cum glazed donut cutie mark could stop his happiness.
(bet no one saw this all happening did you?)
(what do you mean you could 'kinda see it coming'?)
(fine...how about this plot twist)
Unfortunately, Dolt's brain was unable to keep up with the sudden physical change and caused him to hemorrhage and have an aneurism...in his ass...and die.
But that's fine as he has nothing to with this story anyway.
****trolololololololololololol****
It was a beautiful sunny day in Ponyville...except that it wasn't because it was cloudy and raining. But the sun was shining. Just nopony could see it shining due to the rainclouds. but it was shining...look...it's very technical so just try to keep up, okay?...okay.
So while the rain poured down on to the heads of the resident ponies of Ponyville, which it didn't cause they aren't stupid and stayed indoors, Twilight Sparkle (my Waifu by the way and you are all invited to the wedding) was huddled under a blanket by the fireplace reading a book (duuuuh). To Twilight it was a perfect day, even though it wasn't, because she loved the sound of the rain while she read.
Twilight's attention was taken away from reading a book when she heard the sound of silence. It had stopped raining and became an actual beautiful day because the author was getting tired of that joke and lacks material and powers of concentration...which is why the author also finds it weird that he was born Jewish and not sent to concentration camp.
Speaking of the Jew...Applejack was, once again, worried about money and considering prostitution (cause who wouldn't want to hear "give it to me suga' " in that southern twang). Poor Applejack, if only she could get the bit's for nothing. But we will get back to that.
*knock* *knock* *knock* *knock*
There was a knocking on the wooden door of Twilights tree home (a little redundant), which was quickly answered by Spike because he is in the story too. But only so he could answer the door.
Say goodbye Spike.
"Bye everpony."
There he goes with the power of goodbye. But back to the open door that was minus a Spike but had added a Pinkie Pie. Who ran into the room that was more of library to give a party invitation to Twilight.
"Hellooooo TWILIGHT!!!"
"Oh...Hello Pinkie" Twilight deadpanned...because it felt like it would be funnier if she did.
"I just came to invite you to my 'Fill-the-plothole-in-the-story' party."
Although unsure of what kind of party it was going to be, Twilight happily agreed (otherwise it wouldn't be a very long story).
"Of course I'll go." she said, just to make sure that everyone reading understood that she was going to the party. "should I wear anything? what time is it happening?"
"Just come as you are and it's happening right here, right now...except it'll be at Sugarcube Corner....see you there." and with that, the pink party purveyor exited the library. Only stopping quickly to ask the author a question.
"Do you think anypony has noticed that you are throwing in random song titles to see how many they get?"
I hope so, but we shall see.
"Okie dokie lokie." and then she really left. Only the occasional greeting she made to the other ponies she passed on her way back to Sugarcube Corner could be heard. "Hi Mr Krinkle..."
And now back to Twilight who was ready for the party already...because she was naked...as always.
"SPIKE!...SPIIIKKEEEEE...I am going to Sugarcube Corner for a party. I'll be back later." She called out to spike who was back in the story so he could respond.
"okay Twilight. have fun at the party. I guess I'll just go upstairs and master...."
"SPIKE!!!"
"What?!?!...why can't I mastermind tomorrows day plan?"
say goodbye Spike.
"Goodbye Spike."
very funny.
And that is when something amazing happened but we need to look in at Sugarcube Corner so you don't get to see.
****trolololololololololololol****
The party was just getting into full swing on this lovely Friday night as more and more ponies came to enjoy the festivities.
Rarity was enjoying the punch, Applejack was bobbing for apples (cause I always get this feeling that she likes apples), fluttershy was trying to dance...as long as it was okay with everypony else. Pinky Pie was, as always, hopping from pony to pony making sure they where having a good time and being happy shiny ponies.
And just coming through the front doors to help complete this pony entourage was Rainbow d....
"No" Rainbow Dash said dismissively.
what do you mean no?
"It's not awesome enough?" she casually responded.
*blinks one hundred and eighty two times* What isn't awesome?
"My entrance!" she sighed in exasperation. "I'm Rainbow Dash, the best flier in all of Equestria, and my entrance needs to be just as awsome...I can't just walk in. Totally. Not. Awesome."
I'm sorry but I really just want to continue my lame little story so please just walk....
"No"
Fine.
Suddenly Rainbow Dash became infected with the Ebola virus. along with several STD's, cancer, a yeast infection (hope you like sour dough), period pains and few other girl related problems...and aids.
It was around that time that Twilight was walking up to Sugarcube Corner (a cookie for anypony who knows how many times I've said Sugarcube Corner) when she noticed Rainbow Dashes sickened form curled up by the door. Quickly she hurried rapidly over to her quickly worsening friend at a quickening pace.
"RAINBOW!!! What happened to you?" she panicked as she could see the pained look in Rainbows eyes and the snot bubbles in her nose. "Did...did you argue with the author?"
Slowly and in a very slow way, Rainbow began to slowly nod her head.
"Well, apologize quickly." I made Twilight say.
With her raspy voice Rainbow slowly said "I'm...sorry."
Apology accepted.
And Rainbow was once again on all four hooves, with not even a cold, as she WALKED into Sugarcube Corner (remember to count for a cookie) with Twilight in tow.
The party was fun, exciting and most of all it was a party. Everypony was having a fun time. But that's no fun for the story sooo...
Applejack and Rainbow dash where suddenly making out in the middle of the dance floor. Their tongues fighting for supremacy as the Cutie Mark Crusaders (they're here too) watched in awe.
"Aaaaawwwwww." Sweety belle, Applebloom and Scootaloo exclaimed.
no...not like that...the good awe.
"Oooohhhhhh, Aaaaaaahhhhhh." they exclaimed again.
And as they watched, all the other ponies started making out too. But not the CMC because they are fillies and it would be bad to say they were doing anything of such an adult nature. It can be insinuated but never said...that would be immoral and make me a very bad pony.
While the Cutie Mark Crusaders where having wild sex with each other, Rainbow and Applejack where still kissing in Fancy. They parted for air and as they stared at each they realized they were not meant to be (I do so Love Appledash but better is...). So Rainbow Dash went up to Pinky Pie, who suddenly turned around and tackled Rainbow to the floor in a huge sloppy wet kiss.
When they parted to catch their breath, Rainbow tried to ask how Pinky new she wanted to make out with her but she could only claim back so much blood from her loins.
"How...?" she managed weekly in her week condition.
"Oh, that's easy." Pinky replied happily. "I had a spasm in my Vagina which means somepony wants to make out with me...plus I saw the script."
But I never made a script for this.
Before me or Rainbow could question any further, Pinky returned to her sloppy make out session. At the same time, Applejack walked up to Rarity.
Applejack was never a pony for taking things slow and simply said "I hope y'all are ready ta git a bit dirty."
"Oh my goodness." was all rarity could say as Applejack thrust her lips upon the ivory mare.
Now if only someone would make out with Fluttershy...oh wait...somepony was making out with Fluttershy. DERPY HOOVES was making out with fluttershy (Dinky had a foalsitter for the evening...don't panic) and Fluttershy was making out with DERPY HOOVES. Fluttershy seemed to be in ecstasy as she kissed the other pony. Maybe it was simply because the name of the pony she was kissing was DEPRY HOOVES.
Who knows...other than me.
But this left Twilight (MY Waifu...no touching) alone and contemplating a rendezvous with 'Mr Perky hoof' while she watched the ponies making out with each other (but they were actually having sex, I just can't say it without bad press) when suddenly...as if by some form of 'slut magic', Trixie appeared.
"Twilight Sparkle...I wish to challenge you for my honour."
Twilight was startled be the bitches sudden appearance. If she was honest she was happy that Trixie appeared. Ever since she first laid eyes on the bitch, she had developed a crush for. She may have just like the bitch for her bitchy attitude witch only made the bitches bitchiness that much more...bitchy.
"I don't wish to fight with you trixie." Twilight replied sheepishly.
"Fine." The great and powerful Trixie replied. "Then I wish to make out with you instead."
"Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes." Twilight shouted with glee as jumped around Trixie (lets assume that the
"Great and Powerful" part is automatically assumed as it gets tiring to write and I get lazy). When Twilight stopped hopping around, she leaned into kiss Trixie as Trixie vigorously kissed back. It was in that sudden moment that they had a sudden realization, they were suddenly madly in love. They could already tell that the love they shared was true, for it was true love...Truly.
With their hearts aflame from the passionate exchange, they quickly took some heart burn medicine and vacated to a private room.
What happened in that room? I wish I could say. But what happened was so sexy and so raunchy that anyone who read it would suddenly be thrown into climax after climax for the next ten years. Our society would collapse as no one would be able to go to work. Non-cloppers and non-bronies would read it out of curiosity and suddenly fall into the same trap as everyone else. Relationships would end, the economy would fall...some more and the world would fall into dacay.
Even thinking about maybe writing it is making the author climax...right now...while you are reading this.
And that is how the Elements of Horny where born.
And they all fucked happily ever after....for the next ten seconds.
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MOLESTIA OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE
THE END
Number of song titles in story: 23
Number of songs titles ponified in story : 2
Number of times I said Sugarcube Corner: None...I wrote it not said it.
****trolololololololololololol****
I am so sorry you read this piece of crap...I...I have no words...just...look at the description again...I. Am. So. Sorry.
P.S I found a riddle that cannot be ponyfied: "what has four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon and three legs in the evening....answer is 'human/man'
A man crawls in the morning (birth), walks on two legs in the afternoon(middle of our lives) and walks with a cane in the evening(old age)
If it was ponyfied it would be: "Waht has four legs in the morning, four legs in the afternoon and four legs in the evening = a pony(DUH!!!)
P.P.S I know why ponies don't have cars: Why pay a ton of bits for something with four horse power when you can get around fine with one horse power(you) and pay 10 bits each to four friends if you need to move a lot of stuff.
