Harry Potter and the Ponies of Equestria

Chapters

The Beautiful Land of Equestria
Nothing but Trouble
You Blasphemous Lout
You Insolent Beast
The Art of Vanishing

The Beautiful Land of Equestria

Chapter 1: The Beautiful Land of Equestria

It was all over. Lord Voldemort, the wizard who had tormented Harry Potter for years, had finally been defeated. All that was left to do was to clean up Hogwarts and properly bury the dead. Harry Potter would be known as the most heroic wizard of his generation, an unprecedented achievement for someone so young.

Harry looked around at the wreckage around him. The windows of the Great Hall had been shattered, and broken glass lay all over the floor. Rubble from the destroyed walls was interspersed amongst the dead bodies and their grieving families. Harry turned to his friend Ron’s dead brother, Fred, and saw Mrs. Weasley standing vigil over the corpse, tears streaming down her face. Mr. Weasley and the other children were there as well, looking shocked, as if they were not sure what was happening.

Hermione stood by Harry’s side and noticed Harry staring at the Weasley family.

“Go over there,” she said.

“What?” Harry asked, having been broken out of a trance.

“Harry, I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but you’re practically family. Go be with them.”

“Hermione, I can’t do that,” Harry said.

“Why not?” Hermione asked.

“It would seem…well, wrong.” Hermione rubbed Harry on the shoulder.

“Hey,” Harry said, “do you know where Ron is?”

“I’m not sure,” Hermione said. “He disappeared after you gave up the Elder Wand.”

“We should look for him,” Harry said. “He needs to be with his family.”

“Where could he have gone?” Hermione asked. Harry racked his brain, trying to think. Where would he be right now, if he were Ron Weasley? Knowing his friend’s temperament, he was probably angry right now, but that didn’t exactly help narrow it down. Harry thought back to the last time they had seen him.

“Didn’t he mention something about the Deathly Hallows?” Harry asked.

“I think so,” Hermione said. “He wasn’t sure if it was right to let them go the way you did.” Harry turned his attention to the Hallows. He had returned the Elder Wand to Professor Dumbledore’s tomb so that it wouldn’t be used again. Harry didn’t know if Ron wanted anything to do with the Elder Wand; he had been a bit confused about why Harry would give it up. Harry, of course, still had the Invisibility Cloak. That only left the Resurrection Stone.

“I know where he is,” Harry said.

“Really?” Hermione asked. “How can you be so sure?”

“I think he’s after the Stone. He wants to see his brother again, I’m sure of it. It’s what I’d be looking for if I had just lost someone in my family.”

“Well, let’s go, then,” Hermione said.

***

“Ron!” Harry and Hermione cried, hoping to find their friend. They were wandering in the Forbidden Forest, trying to get the attention of their friend. Hermione groaned when there was no reply for what seemed like the thousandth time.

“How are we ever going to find him?” Hermione asked. “The forest is huge.” Harry ignored her and continued to call for his friend. They eventually heard what sounded like a human voice in the distance and decided to follow it. As they approached, they began to hear what the voice was saying.

“…where’s your damn friend?” the voice was saying.

“Like I’m really going to tell you,” another voice replied.

“It’s Ron!” Hermione whispered. Harry and Hermione followed the voices urgently.

“If you can’t tell me where Potter is, I’ll make you suffer until you start to cooperate! Crucio!” Ron’s screams of pain made Harry and Hermione move ever more quickly. They assumed Ron had run into a Death Eater, and in his panic, Harry still wondered what he was doing anywhere near Hogwarts.

“Who’s there?” the Death Eater cried, hearing the noise of Harry and Hermione approaching. Harry and Hermione looked through some trees and saw the Death Eater waving his wand around frantically. Harry took aim through the leaves.

“Stupefy!” he cried. The Stunning Spell hit the Death Eater square in the chest, knocking him to the forest floor and throwing his mask off of his face. Harry and Hermione rushed into the clearing where he and Ron were and saw Ron slowly getting up from the forest floor.

“Are you all right?” Hermione asked, helping Ron up and giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“I’m fine, Hermione,” Ron said. “Just a little bump-in with one of Voldie’s cronies. Nothing to be worried about.”

“He could have killed you,” Harry said.

“It was your blood he was after,” Ron said, “not mine.”

“What are you doing out here?” Hermione asked. “Harry thinks you’re looking for the Stone.”

“Well…” Ron said. “I was. Pretty hopeless, huh? I mean, I have no idea where you dropped it. I tried summoning it but apparently the Hallows are charmed so you can’t do that.”

“Look, Ron,” Harry said. “I know you’re grieving right now, but finding the Stone isn’t going to bring Fred back. I only saw the shells of my family when I used it.”

“You used it?” Ron asked. “What did you see?”

“Well…they talked to me and encouraged me to make the sacrifice,” Harry said. “They disappeared shortly after that. Really, Ron, you’re cheating yourself if you think the Stone’s going to bring your brother back.”

“I know, Harry. It’s just…I want to see him one last time, to say goodbye.” Ron betrayed a single tear that told Harry and Hermione just how much he was hurting. Hermione gave Ron another hug and rubbed his back.

“You won’t believe what I found while I was looking around out here. Do you see those sparks in the sky?” Harry and Hermione looked up and saw some red sparks hovering over the forest canopy.

“Yeah, that’s how that bloke found me,” Ron said. “That was thick of me. But I needed to mark it so I could find it again.”

“What is it?” Hermione asked.

“I’ll show you,” Ron said. He led the way through the trees towards the sparks he had cast. Harry and Hermione struggled to follow through the thick roots. Harry tore through his jeans getting caught on a particularly thick bramble, but he was used to the forest’s thick overgrowth. Finally, the three wizards reached the clearing and saw what Ron had found important enough to mark.

“A Vanishing Cabinet?” Hermione asked.

“You bet!” Ron said. “No idea what it’s doing here. I guess one of the Death Eaters brought it here; this is where they were gathered, right, Harry?”

“Yeah,” Harry said.

“Anyway,” Ron continued, “I have no idea where this one leads, but I was too busy looking for the Stone to investigate, so that’s why I marked it. And then that idiot caught me off guard and started demanding to know where you were, Harry. I guess some of those blokes are still lurking around out here.”

“Well, Ron, I wouldn’t mess with a Vanishing Cabinet if I were you,” Hermione said. “You remember what happened to Montague when he got stuck in one.”

“I know, but I don’t think this one is broken,” Ron said. “It looks like it could lead somewhere.”

“I don’t want to take that chance,” Hermione said.

“Come on, Hermione, where’s your sense of adventure?” Ron asked. Harry presumed he was desperate for some kind of distraction.

“Ron,” Hermione said in an attempt to reason with him, “don’t you think it’s a bit odd that a Vanishing Cabinet would turn up in the middle of the Forbidden Forest? We don’t even know why it’s here or where it could lead. I would just leave it alone if I were you.” Suddenly a spell whizzed past Hermione, and the three wizards turned immediately towards the source. They saw another Death Eater running towards them through the clearing.

“Great!” Harry said. “Now what do we do?”

“Get into the cabinet!” Ron said. “It might take us somewhere we can Apparate.” Harry and Hermione didn’t bother to argue as they followed Ron into the cabinet and shut it. As the door closed, however, the Death Eater cast a spell that destroyed it.

The three wizards suddenly felt a bizarre sensation as they were pulled into a portal that had appeared where the cabinet had been. Harry tried to scream but his voice made no sound. He couldn’t see through the void where which they were falling through, either.

Harry had no idea which way was up as he tumbled through the darkness. This was far more terrifying and nauseating than Apparition, as Harry had no idea where he’d be teleported to. Suddenly, a sound ripped through the air and Harry felt his body begin to stretch out most unnaturally, as if it was simultaneously tearing through the air and being crushed, somehow. The sensation was most uncomfortable, but it ended briefly. Then, after more falling, a dim light suddenly appeared and the four wizards landed in the middle of a forest.

Harry awoke after some period of time and saw his friends and, to his surprise, the Death Eater, now unmasked, lying unconscious on the ground. His vision was blurry, though, as his glasses had fallen off of him. Harry took his wand out of the pocket of his robe and used the Summoning Charm to return his glasses to his hand. When he put them on and took a look around, though, he was shocked at what he saw.

They were certainly in a forest, but it was unlike any forest Harry had ever seen. This forest was dark yet colorful, as if Harry had just been flung into an animated cartoon. Harry looked at his hand and yelled in surprise when he saw that his hand looked like it had been hand-drawn and painted. What the hell happened? he thought.

Harry revived his friends, whose appearance had changed drastically just as Harry’s hand had. As they came to, they stared at their environment and at each other in shock.

“Harry, what’s going on?” Hermione asked. “Why do we look like we belong in a Looney Tunes short?”

“What the hell are Looney Tunes?” Ron asked. “And why does everything look like a painting?”

“I don’t know,” Harry said. “It must have something to do with the Vanishing Cabinet acting up. What do we remember about what happened?”

“Well,” Hermione said, “we entered the cabinet, and then that Death Eater destroyed it while we were in it. After that…I think we were sucked into a portal, but I don’t remember anything else. How about you, Ron?”

“Beats me,” Ron said. “I just want to know where the hell we are.”

“Maybe it doesn’t matter,” Harry said. “We could just try to Apparate somewhere and see if that works.”

“Brilliant,” Hermione said. “Take my hand, you two.” Harry and Ron obliged, and Hermione concentrated on Diagon Alley. When she spun, however, all that resulted was that the three of them toppled to the ground, as if they had felled their Apparition test all over again.

“We must be out of range,” Hermione said, “and since we have no idea where we are, I can’t pick a closer target.”

“Even if you could,” Ron said, “how do you explain the scenery? How do you explain how we look?”

“Honestly, Ron, I have no idea,” Hermione said, “and it’s starting to freak me out.”

“No, Hermione,” Harry said, “the last thing we need to do is panic. Let’s start with what we know. Didn’t that Death Eater get sucked in, too?” The three of them looked at the Death Eater still lying on the ground and identified him as Rowle.

“What was he still doing in the forest, anyway?” Ron asked.

“Apparently looking for me,” Harry said. “I expect the others will have to deal with some rogue Death Eaters before all is said and done.”

“Well, how does that explain our situation?” Ron asked.

“It doesn’t,” Hermione said. “None of this makes any sense.”

“Well,” Harry suggested, “perhaps we should just look around. We might be able to find somebody who lives around here to help us.”

“Harry,” Ron said, “we’re in the middle of a forest. I doubt we’ll find anyone to help us.”

“You got any better ideas?” Harry asked. Ron shook his head.

“Lead the way,” he said. Harry, Ron, and Hermione started trekking through the forest, and even if they knew where they had been they had no idea how to return to it. The three were hopelessly lost and confused.

After a few hours of endlessly walking around, just as the three wizards were about to give up hope for any kind of explanation, they discovered a hut in the middle of a twisted group of trees. Actually, the hut looked like it was actually a hollowed-out tree with a door, and the harsh surroundings reminded Harry of the house of Gaunt.

“Should we…go inside?” Hermione asked.

“What else are we going to do?” Harry asked. The three wizards approached the entrance to the tree and knocked on the door. For a moment, there was no reply, but then they heard shuffling from within the tree and the door opened.

Nothing could have prepared them for what they saw.

Standing in the entrance was none other than a cartoon zebra with a mohawk wearing gold bands around her neck and front hooves and also gold earrings. The zebra whinnied in surprise and lunged at them, fearing them to be wicked creatures. Ron was tackled to the ground by the zebra, but Hermione whipped out her wand and knocked the zebra off of Ron with a spell. The zebra tried to attack again, but Harry levitated her into the air to keep her from moving. At that moment, the zebra began, to the amazement of the wizards, to talk.

“Of all the creatures I have run into,” she said, “what in Equestria are you?”

“Bloody hell, I’ve got to be dreaming…” Ron said. Hermione nearly fainted, but Harry held his resolve. Stranger things had happened to him, after all.

“Eek!” the zebra exclaimed, responding to Ron’s quip. “You can speak?”

“Yes, we talk,” Harry said. “My name is Harry Potter, and this is Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. We’re students from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.”

“You are wizards? How bizarre,” the zebra said. “Did you study magic in this school afar?”

“Does she really have to speak in rhymes?” Ron muttered.

“Um…yes,” Hermione said, “we study magic.”

“I’d like to learn about you more, but first, could you set me down on the forest floor?”

“You have to promise not to attack my friend,” Harry said.

“I will bring the fighting’s end. I swear I will not harm your friend.”

“Okay,” Harry said, and he set the zebra down on the ground. She remained still as promised, deciding not to attack for her own sake, as she knew she was overpowered.

“When it comes to your magic, forgive my scorn, but you sport no horn,” the zebra said. “Are you not unicorns?”

“What do unicorns have to do with it?” Ron asked.

“You mean you don’t know? Oh, how tragic,” the zebra declared. “Only unicorns are practiced in magic.”

“Well…not where we’re from,” Harry said. “Where we’re from, humans study magic.”

“Humans…? Is that what you’re called? If this is so, then I am appalled.”

“Well, yes, we are called humans.” Hermione said. “And you’re a zebra…right?”

“Oh, let the royal horns sound! We’ve finally found some common ground!” the zebra declared. Ron stared at her in disbelief. “I’m glad at least we’ve found a norm, for indeed I am a zebra in form.”

“That last one was a stretch,” Ron whispered.

“Um…” Hermione said. “Do you have a name?”

“I did not introduce myself? How lame! Yes, Zecora is my name.”

“Well, Zecora,” Hermione asked, “could you care to tell us where we are?”

“You are in the kingdom of Princess Celestia, the beautiful land of Equestria!” The three wizards stared at Zecora in stunned silence.

“Never heard of it,” Ron finally said.

“Maybe you could explain the land of Equestria to us,” Harry suggested.

“Hold on,” Ron said. “Can we get someone else to do it?”

“Why?” Hermione asked.

“No offense, Zecora, but the rhyming is a bit confusing.”

“I apologize for the confusion, but rhyming and speech for me is a fusion. Now, step into my hut. I will tell you what is what,” Zecora said with a grin. Ron groaned and Zecora chuckled as the three wizards followed her into the hut. They saw tribal masks adorning the walls, and the center of the room contained a large cauldron.

“You brew potions?” Hermione asked in awe.

“Yes, complex brews are what I do,” Zecora said.

“Slant rhyme,” Ron coughed.

“Never mind, Ron,” Harry said. “It’s just that we brew potions where we’re from, too.”

“And where exactly is that place, from which comes your human race?” Zecora asked.

“Well, we go to school at Hogwarts,” Harry said, “but we’re from a planet called Earth.”

“Earth…? You mean like the name of the soil upon which we stand?” Zecora asked.

“You’ve heard of it?” Hermione asked.

“I did not know it as a name for the land,” Zecora said.

“Well…it is,” Hermione said. “But on Earth, zebras…well, they’re not sentient beings.”

“What?” Zecora asked. “How can this be true?”

“Zebras just don’t talk like you,” Ron said, eager to finish her rhyme for her.

“Knock it off, Ron,” Hermione said. “Yes, and unicorns, though they contain powerful magical properties, don’t themselves practice magic. Only witches and wizards are capable of that.”

“Please forgive me for being crude. What are you humans, if I’m not being rude?” Zecora asked.

“Well…it’s hard to explain if you’ve never heard of them before,” Hermione said.

“Just consider us sentient beings like you,” Harry intervened.

“I suppose I must, to gain your trust,” Zecora said.

“Trust?” Hermione asked. “We trust you already, as much as we can in our situation.”

“Oh, for me to say this is a must. One must never blindly trust.” Ron rolled his eyes. “Tell me, and let your words be true. What is the situation that has befallen you?”

“Well, Zecora, it’s hard to explain,” Hermione said. “The easiest way to understand it is that a portal opened up in our world and teleported us into yours. And we don’t normally look like this. We’re not so, um…colorful.”

“I’m afraid I do not follow,” Zecora said, “but in this confusion I will not wallow. Tell me what you want to know, and Zecora will surely show.”

“Okay…” Harry said. “What kinds of creatures live in Equestria?”

“In Equestria, there are bands of ponies living on these lands,” Zecora said. “Unicorns, pegasi, and Earth are the various types of birth. Though these ponies are commonly at hand, the rare alicorns rule this land. We ponies are peaceful, but don’t be foaled. There are wicked creatures whose plights have been told. Manticores, Hydras, and minotaurs abound, and danger lurks where they are found. Should you choose to stay, beware! Avoid these creatures if about your lives you care.”

“Impressive,” Ron said, now legitimately admiring Zecora’s adept skills of rhyming.

“So, Zecora,” Hermione asked, “do you have any idea how we could get back to where we’re from?”

“You came through a portal, I hear. Tell me, did the portal disappear?”

“We…didn’t really look,” Harry said, “but I think we would have noticed it if it was here.”

“If the portal’s door has closed away, then it is here that you must stay. You will be safe if you heed my call, and avoid the dangerous creatures all.”

“Well, the funny thing is,” Hermione said, “manticores are creatures where we’re from, and Hydras and minotaurs are mentioned in some of our mythology. Our worlds seem to have a lot more in common than I thought.”

“Indeed,” Zecora said. “Since you are here, why don’t I lead you to a town of ponies with noble deeds? Ponyville is the name of the town, and one pony knows the princess who bears the crown. If you will follow me tonight, I will introduce you to Twilight. Of magic she is of finest skill; she will help you, if meet her you will.”

“That sounds wonderful!” Hermione said. “Can you take us there now?”

“I will lead you there, but stay in my sight. The Everfree Forest is dangerous at night.”

“Thank you so much!” Hermione said. “Well, Harry, Ron, shall we get going?”

“I suppose we’ll have to,” Ron said.

“Okay then,” Harry said. “Lead the way, Zecora.”

***

Rowle finally came to long after Harry, Ron, and Hermione had left. He looked around the clearing and was shocked to find how different the land looked to him. He jumped when he saw his own hand had also changed appearance quite dramatically. Rowle looked up at the sky, but the portal opened by the destroyed Vanishing Cabinet had long since closed in on itself.

Damn it, he thought, where the hell am I? Suddenly, out of nowhere, a blue blur tackled him back to the ground and tried to pin him down. Rowle through the pony off of his body, but the pony recovered quickly and struck him down again. Rowle made to push him aside again, but the pony interrupted.

“I can do this all night, buddy,” she said, and Rowle was stunned that the pony was able to talk, so he conceded defeat.

“Now, what the hay are you?” the pony asked. Rowle was still stunned by the pony’s ability to talk, so he didn’t answer.

“Can you talk?” the pony demanded.

“Yes, I can talk,” Rowle growled.

“Then what are you?” the pony asked, shoving him for good measure.

“My name is Thorfinn Rowle,” the wizard said, “now will you get off me?”

“I don’t think so…” the pony said. “I don’t like the looks of you. What are you doing in Equestria?”

“Is that what this place is called?” Rowle asked. “Let’s just say I dropped in.”

“That explains nothing,” the pony said. “I want to know where you’re from.”

“Earth,” Rowle said snidely, thinking that the pony had never heard of it.

“Like the ground?” the pony asked.

“Huh?” Rowle asked, taken aback.

“I mean, we call the ground Earth, and the ponies that live on the ground are Earth ponies, but I have a feeling you mean something else.”

“Earth’s a planet,” Rowle said.

“Planet…?” the pony wondered. “Never mind. I still don’t trust you, but it sounds like you’re not from here and you have no idea where you are. If I get off of you, will you promise not to attack me?”

“Why would I do that?” Rowle asked.

“I’ve never seen anything like you before. I’ve gotta assume the worst.”

“Well, to be fair,” Rowle said, “I have no idea what you are either.”

“I’m a pegasus,” the pony said, “and my name is Rainbow Dash.”

“That’s an odd name,” Rowle said.

“Not as odd as Thorfinn. I mean, really?”

“Can it, Rainbow Dash,” Rowle said.

“Look, Thorfinn, I’ll make you a deal. If you promise not to attack me, I’ll take you back to town and have my friend Twilight Sparkle look you over. She’s like a total egghead, so if she doesn’t know what you are, then we’re flat-out stumped, but she’ll probably know what you are, at least I hope.”

“And why should I trust you?” Rowle asked. “You attacked me when I wasn’t looking.”

“Because you’re in my territory,” Rainbow Dash said, “and without me you’d never get out of this forest alive. Lots of dangerous creatures lurk around here.” As if on cue, a manticore cried in the background.

“Was that a manticore?” Rowle asked.

“How the buck do you know what a manticore is?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Are you sure you’re not from here?”

“Positive,” Rowle said. “But we have ponies where we’re from, too. They just don’t talk or have girly names like Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle.”

“Watch it, buddy,” Rainbow Dash said. “Look, do we have a deal or not?”

“We have a deal,” Rowle said.

“Then let’s shake on it,” Rainbow Dash said. She spit into her hoof and extended it towards Rowle. Not wanting to irritate the pony anymore, he spit into his hand and shook the pony’s hoof. Rowle thought that it was one of the most bizarre things he had ever done.

“Okay, let’s go,” Rainbow Dash said. Rowle reluctantly followed. This is so embarrassing…

Nothing but Trouble

Chapter 2: Nothing but Trouble

Neville Longbottom was busy moving rubble from the library using his wand. Luna Lovegood was assisting him. The two of them kept glancing at each other and smiling nervously when the other caught their eye. The work was interrupted when Ginny blazed her way to them.

“Thank God you’re here. I need some help,” she huffed. Neville and Luna dropped what they were levitating and turned to Ginny.

“What’s wrong, Ginny?” Luna asked. “Have the nargles been bothering you again?” Ginny stared at Luna incredulously, but then shook her head.

“It’s my brother. It’s Harry. It’s Hermione. Oh, I can’t find them anywhere! The last I saw them, they were in the Great Hall, and then Professor McGonagall pulled me away to help clean up her classroom, but when I returned to the Great Hall the three of them weren’t there. I wanted to see Harry and Ron again, so I started looking around, but nobody knew where they had gone. I’ve scanned the castle high and low and there’s no sign of them anywhere.”

“Are you sure you haven’t just kept missing them?” Neville asked.

“Yes, Neville, no one I’ve asked had seen him recently.”

“Don’t worry, Ginny,” Neville said. “I’m sure we’ll find them. We just have to keep searching.”

“I hope you’re right, Neville,” Ginny said.

***

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were being led out of the Everfree Forest by Zecora. As they approached the entrance to the forest, the trees started to thin and moonlight could be seen more clearly, illuminating the vibrant colors of the land. The three wizards stared at the beautiful land in awe, wondering how a place like this could even exist.

When they finally left the forest, the wizards caught sight of a cozy cabin. Outside of it, a pale yellow pony with a pink mane and tail was tending to what appeared to be a chicken coop. Zecora noticed her as well and decided to introduce the wizards to this pony. Harry, Ron, and Hermione followed Zecora up the pathway to the cottage.

“Fluttershy,” Zecora said, “it is I.”

“Oh, hi there Zecora―” Fluttershy suddenly stopped talking when she saw the three mysterious creatures behind Zecora. She whimpered nervously and started to shake.

“Fluttershy, be not afraid,” Zecora said, “for these are new friends I have made.”

“Yes, Fluttershy, we won’t hurt you,” Hermione said, picking up on the name. Ron and Harry nodded in encouragement.

“Oh, you talk?” Fluttershy whispered. “Oh my…”

“Fluttershy, never fear,” Zecora explained. “You forget that I am still here. These creatures gave me quite an alarm, and yet they did me no harm.”

“True…” Fluttershy said in a barely audible tone.

“Why don’t we introduce ourselves?” Hermione asked. “My name is Hermione Granger, and these are my friends Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. We’re…not from around here, but somehow were teleported here from the world where we live.”

“You…you were?” Fluttershy asked, slowly regaining her courage.

“Yeah,” Ron said. “Bloody queer, if you ask me. But we’re used to magic doing odd things.”

“You know magic…?” Fluttershy asked.

“We sure do,” Harry said.

“Oh, I guess that’s okay then,” Fluttershy said. “I know some ponies that can do magic. Where are you headed?”

“The journey we are making tonight,” Zecora said, “is to see your friend Twilight.”

“That’s a good idea,” Fluttershy said. “Twilight will surely know why these…creatures are here.”

“We’re humans, for the record,” Ron said. Fluttershy stared at him with confusion.

“Guess you’ve never heard of us…” Ron quipped. Fluttershy shook her head.

“Well, forgive us for the short stay,” Zecora said, “but we should be on our way.”

“Okay then. Um, nice meeting you,” Fluttershy said, though about that she still had her doubts.

“Nice to meet you, too,” Hermione said. “Bye!” The three wizards waved as they followed Zecora down a road that led to the town proper. When the cottage was out of eyesight Harry, Ron, and Hermione started to talk about her.

“She’s quite timid,” Harry said. “I wonder if they’re all like that.”

“Somehow I doubt it,” Ron said. “Zecora wasn’t afraid to charge me when she first saw me.”

“Well, the poor thing must be highly traumatized,” Hermione said. “I wish I could help her…”

“There you go,” Ron said. “Are you going to start Caring Representation and Action for Ponies now?” Hermione elbowed Ron in the stomach.

“I know what you were doing there,” Hermione said, “and it’s not funny.” Harry, however, was chuckling.

“It’s a little funny,” he said.

“Hush, now. Disturb not an ear,” Zecora said, “for we are now here.” Harry, Ron, and Hermione gazed at the buildings in the quaint town. Harry wondered who could have built such beautiful cottages and houses, but then remembered that with magic, anything was possible.

“So, where does this Twilight live?” Hermione asked.

“In the local library she resides,” Zecora said. “By a passion for books she abides.”

“Sounds like your kind of pony,” Ron said to Hermione. The three wizards saw the library, which was also housed inside a tree.

“Talk about giving ‘tree house’ a whole new meaning,” Ron said. Zecora chuckled and knocked on the door. After a minute, it opened to reveal on the threshold a sleepy-eyed purple dragon with green spikes.

“Forgive the intrusion,” Zecora said, “but is Twilight available to talk tonight?”

“Yeah, she’s in her room,” the dragon said, and the wizards jumped when they heard him talk. “I’ll go get her…” The dragon shut the door and walked away. Harry, Ron, and Hermione all looked at each other wide-eyed.

“Did that dragon just…talk?” Ron asked.

“Apparently, they can do that here,” Hermione said. “Fascinating…”

“Um, forgive my intrusion,” Zecora said, “but there seems to be some confusion.”

“Dragons don’t talk where we’re from,” Harry said.

“Oh, but you seem to insist that in your world, dragons do exist.”

“They do,” Hermione said, “and they’re very dangerous, but that little one looks positively…cute.” Ron laughed at Hermione, who gave him a dirty look.

“When it comes to danger, most dragons are alike,” Zecora said. “None are as nice as Spike.”

“So his name is Spike?” Harry asked. Zecora nodded.

“Seems fitting,” Harry commented. Zecora smiled, and the door opened again, this time revealing a purple unicorn wearing a bathrobe.

“It’s getting late, Zecora,” the unicorn said, rubbing her eyes groggily. “Why did you…? Whoa!” she exclaimed when she finally caught sight of the three humans. The unicorn’s mouth opened in shock before quickly hurrying the group inside.

“Come on, get in, get in!” the unicorn said in alarm. Zecora and the wizards, confused about the frightful reaction, entered the library and the unicorn slammed the door. When she had done that, she made sure all the curtains on the windows were drawn and lit a few candles for light. The library was quite eerie in the dark, giving off a spooky vibe that unsettled the wizards.

“What’s going on?” Harry asked. “And are you Twilight?”

“How do you know my name?” Twilight asked, more surprised about this than the fact that the humans could talk. Zecora explained quickly.

“When they did not know what to do, I told them to see you.”

“Oh, okay,” Twilight said. “No, it’s not okay!” she suddenly cried. “I didn’t think you were supposed to exist!”

“What are you talking about?” Ron asked.

“You’re humans, correct?” Twilight asked.

“How do you…? Yes, we are,” Harry said, deciding not to question how Twilight knew what they were when nobody else seemed to have a clue.

“You’re not changelings?” Twilight asked. “No, forget it. Stupid question. Humans haven’t been around since before Luna was banished.” The wizards stared at each other, completely at a loss to what Twilight was talking about. Twilight lifted a book off of a high shelf using her magic and levitated it down to a nearby table. The wizards and Zecora followed her to the table. The book was thick, heavy, and well-worn. Twilight used her magic to flip through the pages of what appeared to be a history text and stopped at one of the chapters.

“This is the only reference to humans I’ve ever read,” Twilight said, “and what is said about them is not pretty.”

“What do you mean?” Ron asked.

“Let me explain,” Twilight said. “There was a time when humans mysteriously appeared in Equestria. They saw the ponies and attempted to enslave them. They would ride on the backs of ponies and make them push plows to harvest their crops. The ponies were starting to lose their land as these humans took over the farms. Word inevitably reached Princess Celestia, and she used her magic to banish them to another dimension. She decreed that humans were considered to be a threat to national security and that they should be arrested on sight. But this all happened so long ago that nopony remembers anything about them now.”

“Hold on,” Ron said. “Did you just say nopony?”

“Yes. What of it?” Twilight asked.

“Nothing,” Ron said.

“So, if nobody remembers anything about humans,” Hermione asked, “how did you know where we are?”

“Well, forgive me if I’m bragging, but I’m the most well-read pony in Equestria. I’m a student of Princess Celestia herself, sent to Ponyville to study the magic of friendship.”

“Okay…” Ron said in disbelief.

“So why haven’t you sent for us to be arrested?” Harry asked. Twilight suddenly blushed.

“Well…” she said, “I thought about it, but I was curious about you so I decided I’d try to learn more about you first. And since you came here with Zecora and she seems fine, I assume you aren’t as malevolent as the humans portrayed in this text.”

“Fair enough,” Harry said.

“Do you know how we can get out of here?” Hermione asked.

“I’m not sure,” Twilight said. “It depends on how you got in.”

“We came in through a portal,” Hermione said.

“A portal, really…?” Twilight asked, thinking. The wizards waited with bated breath as the mare tried to calculate something in her head. She suddenly stopped, pulled a few books off of the shelf, and skimmed through them, using her magic to turn the pages of all the books at once. Hermione was impressed by the voracity of Twilight’s literacy, but Twilight shut the books and turned to them in disappointment.

“Unfortunately, I have nothing here in this library about how to transport you back where you came from,” Twilight said. “The most extensive library in all of Equestria is the Royal Canterlot library, but the royal guards won’t let you anywhere near the castle; Princess Celestia made sure of that. I could go myself, but I don’t want to leave you in Equestria when you have no idea what kind of dangers we have here.”

“Zecora explained some of them to us,” Harry said. “Manticores, minotaurs, and whatnot. Honestly, we’ve dealt with much worse. I think we’ll be fine.”

“Still, it’s going to look odd when I check out books on portals. Somepony with any common sense of natural curiosity will ask what I need books on portals for. I don’t want to lie to anypony, but I don’t want to alarm the royal guard either.

“Then what are we going to do?” Hermione asked.

“I’ll have to sneak into the library after hours,” Twilight said. “It’s the only way to get the information I need without causing any suspicion.”

“Unless you get caught sneaking around,” Ron said.

“That shouldn’t happen,” Twilight said. “I’m well known in the castle, so my presence at the library will be a surprise to nopony. It’s the only way I can try to help you get home. I wish I could do more.”

“You’ve done more than enough already,” Hermione said. “Really, thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Twilight said with a smile. Suddenly there was a frantic knocking on the door. Twilight answered it, and Rainbow Dash shoved Rowle into the library before Twilight shut the door. Rowle saw the other three wizards, and all four unsheathed their wands. They started blasting spells at each other without warning, but Twilight soon caught them in her magic and levitated them into the air.

“Hold on just a second!” she said, frightened and confused. She thought for a moment before establishing what questions she had.

“Okay, first of all, there are more of you?” Twilight asked Harry.

“As far as we know, he’s the only other human here.”

“Second, what in Equestria are you two doing? You started using magic with those sticks in your hand! I’ve never seen anything like it!”

“I was attacking the bleeding wankers!” Rowle said with a grimace.

“This one’s not very pleasant, is he, Rainbow Dash?” Twilight asked.

“Nope,” Rainbow Dash said.

“How did you even find him?” Twilight asked.

“Well, I was flying through the air making my rounds when I saw something open up in the sky above the Everfree Forest. I hightailed it over there, but when the sky closed back up it took me a while to find the area where the disturbance had taken place. I finally found it, only to discover this chump was just waking up. I assumed the worst about him because I didn’t know what he was, so I tackled him into the ground and showed him who’s boss!”

“Watch it, Rainbow Dash,” Rowle said. “One jinx could have you screaming in pain.”

“Don’t threaten my friend!” Twilight said angrily. “I want to know how you got here and why you’re attacking these three nice humans.”

“Nice? Don’t make me laugh!” Rowle spat. “These brats are nothing but trouble. I was part of a powerful group of wizards, but these ingrates kept harassing us, even killing us. And him,” Rowle emphasized, pointing a finger at Harry, “he’s the worst of all. These ingrates have to be stopped!”

“I’ve heard enough,” Twilight said. She let Harry, Ron, and Hermione go but kept Rowle levitating in the air.

“Rainbow Dash, can you watch the library while I teleport this jerk someplace where he can never find us?”

“You’ve got my word, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Okay, I’ll be back in about ten seconds.” True to her word, Twilight disappeared and reappeared without Rowle in ten seconds flat.

“Impressive,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Thank you, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said.

“Sorry for the interruption,” Rainbow Dash said. “Where did these things come from anyway?”

“They’re called humans, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said.

“Yeah, don’t treat us with disrespect!” Ron said.

“Relax. I didn’t mean anything by it,” Rainbow Dash said. “I’m just saying I ain’t never seen you chumps and I was just wondering why.”

“Suit yourself,” Ron said.

“Come now, this is really no time to be arguing,” Twilight said. “We have to figure out how to get them back to where they came from. I proposed we sneak into the Canterlot library to see if we can find a book that will help us explain that hole in the sky you were describing.”

“Right!” Hermione said. “That’s probably the portal that took us here.”

“Then we need to find a way to make another one,” Twilight said, “and there’s no time to lose. Who knows what Celestia will do if she discovers humans in Equestria?”

“Hopefully it doesn’t get to that point,” Harry said.

***

“Attention all witches and wizards!” Professor McGonagall called using her magically amplified voice from atop the tower of Hogwarts. “Our primary objective is to locate Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, and Hermione Granger. All clean up can wait until the three missing wizards have been discovered. That the Death Eaters may be involved is a possibility, so I ask that you search in groups and be careful! Please find them as quickly as possible.” After making her announcement, Professor McGonagall turned to Ginny, Neville, and Luna, who had followed her up to the tower as they explained what had happened.

“You’re absolutely certain that they’re missing?” Professor McGonagall asked.

“Definitely,” Ginny said. “I know Harry and the others wouldn’t have left unless something bad had happened to them.”

“Well, we can only hope that someone finds them” Professor McGonagall said.

“We can do more than hope,” Neville said. “We can search.”

Well, search they did, along with all the wizards in the castle. These wizards had been their heroes, and it was concerning that they had suddenly vanished without a trace. Professor McGonagall kept telling herself that there was a reasonable explanation.

As the day wore on, there were still no signs of the three wizards. Everyone was now in a panic, searching frantically every corner of the school and grounds. A few brave teams had even entered the Forbidden Forest, including Neville, Ginny, and Luna.

“What would they be doing in here?” Neville asked.

“Searching for sprites, perhaps?” Luna suggested.

“Be serious, Luna,” Ginny said. “This is seriously wrong.”

“You know,” Neville said, “if I were a Death Eater, this would be the perfect place to hide after the battle’s been lost.”

“Don’t remind me, Neville,” Ginny said.

“What’s that?” Luna asked. The three wizards entered the clearing that contained the ruined remains of the Vanishing Cabinet.

“Looks like a Blasting Curse,” Ginny said. “But what’s a Vanishing Cabinet doing all the way out here? And why was it destroyed?”

“No idea,” Neville said plainly.

“There has to be an explanation,” Ginny said, groaning with frustration. She was scared for her brother and boyfriend, and Hermione was like a sister to her, so she was scared for her, too. This might have been as bad as it felt to Harry and Ron when she had been taken into the Chamber of Secrets. Ginny still shuddered thinking about that, but pushed it out of her mind.

“We need to call in the Aurors,” Neville said. “This is getting ridiculous.”

“But the Aurors are already all here,” Ginny said. “They got here after the battle to aid with cleanup.”

“Forgot about that,” Neville said. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Ginny said. “What’s not okay is that we can’t find our friends.”

“It’ll be all right,” Luna said. “We’ll just have to keep looking.”

You Blasphemous Lout

Chapter 3: You Blasphemous Lout

Rowle growled to himself for his own stupidity. How could he have been sent away so esaily by such weak creatures? But beneath that grumbling exterior lay a strong curiosity about the sentient ponies. They were more than just sentient. They seemed almost...human. Rowle shuddered; a hippogriff might exhibit human qualities at times, but never would one talk or banish a human to some...where was he again?

Rowle looked around and saw that he had been sent to some mountaintop. The clouds rolled lower than the actual summit, so he couldn't see the land beneath the mountain. All he noticed was a large opening to what appeared to be a cavern. Rowle decided to investigate the cavern and was surprised when he stumbled across dazzling piles of gold and jewels. His avarice eyes darted about as he inspected all the specimens, his greed blinding him to any rational questions, not the least important of which was to whom the gold belonged.

As Rowle rolled in the jewels, completely forgetting his predicament, he felt a tremor in the mountain that stilled his movement. Another tremor struck, this time just a little bit louder, and the ground began to shake more and more as the tremors progressed. Rowle hadn't the faintest idea of what was occurring beneath him, but soon he started hearing growling and heavy breathing that accompanied the tremors. Rowle grew more and more terrified as the growling became louder, and he soon surmised that the tremors were really the steps of some massive creature. As smoke began to plume into the cave, Rowle finally recognized the growling as that of a-

Wham! Rowle was struck by a heavy object and tumbled off of the gold pile. As he came to and looked up, he stared right into the smoking snout of a large, sapphire dragon. The dragon's pale yellow eyes peered menacingly at Rowle before he let out a blast of fire. Rowle barely had enough time to whip out his wand and repel the flames with a Shield Charm. The dragon then lunged at him to bite him, but Rowle leapt out of the way and hit the cold floor of the cave with his shoulder. Groaning in pain, Rowle rolled to his feet and cast a Conjunctivitis Curse at the dragon. The dragon howled in pain as he covered his eyes with his claw.

"You abhorred intruder!" the dragon cried. Rowle was stunned to hear the dragon speak, knowing full well that dragons in the wizarding world definitely lacked that capability.

"I'm...sorry?" Rowle said meekly. The dragon roared.

"Sorry? Remove this blasted curse and let me throttle you if you want me to accept an apology from you, you blasphemous lout!"

"Afraid I can't do that," Rowle said.

"Well, who was I kidding, anyway?" the dragon said, finally giving in to his predicament and slumping on top of one of the gold piles. "What do you want?" he asked.

"I wouldn't say no to all of this gold," Rowle said, "but it'd be a terrible burden to lug about in this strange land."

"You're right," the dragon said. "I've only seen a human like you once before, so I know you're not from around here."

"When was this?" Rowle asked.

"Maybe one, two millenia ago," the dragon said. Rowle's mouth dropped open in shock.

"You've been alive for that long?" Rowle asked.

"Of course, what do you think I am, a Hydra?" the dragon asked with a chuckle. The dragon then groaned. "Look what I've gotten myself into... How did you even get up here, anyway?"

"Oh, um..." Rowle said, recollecting how he had arrived at the mountain. "A unicorn teleported me up here. Wait a moment!" Rowle suddenly remembered his ability to Apparate, and tried doing so by focusing on the village square in Ponyville. He spun and toppled over, still in the same dragon's den, and groaned.

"What was that noise?" the dragon asked.

"Nothing," Rowle said with a grimace. "I was sent here by a unicorn, is all."

"Odd," the dragon said. "What kind of sadistic unicorn would teleport you to a dragon's lair without warning? Then again, judging how you humans treated the ponies so long ago, I guess I'm not surprised."

"Oh, really?" Rowle asked. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"You wouldn't understand," the dragon said. "In any case, humans and ponies didn't get along then, so why would they get along now?"

"I'm not sure," Rowle said. "Hey, whatever happened to the humans in this place, anyway? The unicorn seemed pretty surprised to see me, so I imagine we didn't last long in this wretched land."

"The humans were all killed off," the dragon said. "It was bloodshed the likes of which Equestria has never seen since. Some say that Discord was behind the invasion of the human populus, but I'd say more mysterious forces were at work."

"Never mind," Rowle said. He'd been hoping to hear a way out of his predicament. "Now listen. Do you want your eyesight back?"

"I'd give my left claw for it," the dragon said.

"Do you know of a village called Ponyville?"

"Aw, yes! Some ponies there kicked my brother right out of his hut! I know the place, all right. My brother convinced me not to incinerate it when I'd heard of his humiliation. Do you need to go there?"

"I need directions at least," Rowle said. "A ride would be nice, but you're much too conspicuous to make it unseen."

"Aw, so you don't want anyone to know you're coming," the dragon said. "Well, I can certainly take you there covertly, provided you do as promised and restore my eyesight first."

"Hold on," Rowle said. "How do I know you won't incinerate me the moment you can see again?"

"I already tried that didn't I?" the dragon asked. "And then you'd curse me for good. Nah, I'm not an idiot. I'll do as you asked."

"Perfect," Rowle said. "Perfect..."

***

Professor McGonagall had had the entire school looking for hours to find Harry Potter and his friends, but the search had turned up nothing. She was beginning to worry that the Death Eaters had gotten them somehow, but she fought to push these fears from her mind.

"We can't give up hope, Professor," said the minute Professor Flitwick, who had sensed Professor McGonagall's misgivings.

"You're right, of course, Filius," Professor McGonagall said. "But I can't help fearing for the boy Potter and his friends."

"Aw, but Mr. Potter has no doubt proven himself far more than a boy, hasn't he, Minerva?" Professor Flitwick asked.

"I suppose so," said Professor McGonagall, "but that doesn't mean a dark group of wizards couldn't still overpower him."

"Begging your pardon, Minerva, but he out-dueled the most ruthless sorcerer of our time. That's got to count for something."

"I don't mean to imply that Potter isn't a capable wizard...I just fear for him, is all."

"There is nothing to fear, Minerva. Mr. Potter will triumph again, if he should be captured."

"Professors!" Neville cried, running up with Ginny and Luna to Professors McGongall and Flitwick. "Any news on Harry?"

"Nothing to report," Professor Flitwick said, "but chin up, fellows. I'm sure Mr. Potter will see both himself and his friends home safely before you know it."

"I hope so," Ginny said. "I can't bear the thought of losing Harry..."

"You won't lose Harry Potter," Professor McGonagall said. "You have my word on it. Even if I have to duel five Death Eaters at once, I will save Harry Potter."

"Wait," Neville said. "You're not saying that Harry was..."

"No, not at all," Professor McGonagall said, catching her mistake. "I don't mean to imply that Mr. Potter was captured. I just mean that if he were, that would not be enough to stop me from looking for him."

"That's a relief," Neville said.

"I think we'll find Harry soon enough," Luna said.

"What makes you think that?" Ginny asked.

"The lights in the night sky tell it," Luna said, sounding remarkably like a centaur. The other wizards chose to ignore this and continue searching for Harry.

***

Harry, meanwhile, was by no means in any mortal danger. He, Ron, and Hermione were sleeping on sleeping bags that Rainbow Dash had flown over from the houses of her friends. As the morning rose, however, the three were awoken by Twilight.

"Get up, sleepyheads!" she cried jubilantly. "It's an early breakfast and then we head off for Canterlot!" Ron groaned, mumbling something about five more minutes, but Hermione prodded him until he got up. Harry threw on his glasses and stared at the giddy Twilight skeptically.

"Why are you so excited?" he asked the unicorn.

"I love Canterlot!" Twilight exclaimed. "It's where I grew up. I'll get to see my brother and my parents and visit the Royal Canterlot Archives! Ever since I learned about time travel there, I couldn't wait to go back, and this is the perfect opportunity to do so!"

"Still," Ron said, "did it have to be so early?"

"Don't you want to find a way out of here?" Hermione asked.

"I suppose," Ron said.

"Well then let's get moving!" Twilight said, waking up Spike and asking him to start making breakfast. Spike looked about as rested as Ron, but he dragged himself to his feet and went to the kitchen anyway.

As the five of them began to eat breakfast (after the wizards had said no to any kind of flowers in their meal), they began to talk about what they were looking for in the Royal Archives.

"Transportation, it's got to be magical transportation," Hermione said. "We were transported here, after all, so it makes sense that we need to be transported back."

"We were teleported here, Hermione," Ron chided. "We need a spell about teleportation."

"I still agree with Twilight that we need to consider interdimensionality as our primary index," Harry said, surprised at how eloquent he sounded. "That's definitely our best bet."

"Um, excuse me," Spike said, "but wouldn't it be easier to talk about this when you get there?"

"What do you mean you, Spike?" Twilight asked. "Don't you know you're coming, too?"

"I am?" Spike asked.

"Of course you are," Twilight said. "I'll need my number one assistant to help me sort through the scrolls. What, did you think you'd just sit around and flirt with Rarity while I was gone?"

"What's Rarity?" Ron whispered to his friends.

"All right," Spike conceded, "I guess I'll come, too."

"Good," Twilight said. "Now let's finish our breakfast quickly. The faster we finish, the faster we can set off for Canterlot, and the faster you humans get to go home."

"Will we really find a way out of here at that library?" Ron asked.

"I should hope so," Twilight said. "Why do you ask?"

"It's just that libraries have kind of screwed us over on more than one occasion," Ron said.

"What...?" Twilight asked, unable to conceive of a time when a library had ever screwed her over.

"I didn't mean to offend you..." Ron muttered. Hermione elbowed him and glared.

"Ronald, if you can't trust the sanctity of a library for finding information, then what in this world can you trust?" she asked.

"I suppose you're right," Ron said. "We'll just have to wait and see, is all."

"We certainly will," Harry said.

You Insolent Beast

Chapter 4: You Insolent Beast

“Explain to me why we have to wear the Invisibility Cloak,” Ron said. He, Harry, and Hermione were crouched beneath the cloak following Twilight and Spike down the busy streets of Canterlot. They had all teleported there by way of Twilight's magic just moments ago and the three wizards were now just trying to make sure they didn't step on anyone's hooves, as it were.

“Quiet, Ron,” Hermione whispered. “We're not supposed to be here, remember?”

“And why exactly is that?” Ron asked.

“You heard Twilight last night,” Harry said. “Humans aren't looked too kindly upon here and we don't want to risk the princess catching us.”

“Well, how are we supposed to search the library like this?” Ron asked. “I can barely move!”

“Will you three be quiet?” Spike asked in a hush. “I can hear you, you know, and so might anypony else.”

“And why do they say anypony anyway?” Ron asked, but Harry nudged him and he shut up. Twilight shook her head and told Spike not to appear like he was looking at something.

“Whatever,” Spike said. “I mean, I understand we don't want to draw attention to ourselves, but isn't there some other way?”

“Spike, we already talked about this. A metamorphosis spell is far too complicated on a body structure of which I am unfamiliar, and they have no way of changing their own appearances either. We're lucky they have that cloak of invisibility with them.”

“Don't say that too loudly, Twilight,” Spike said, glancing around nervously.

“Oh, relax,” Twilight said, trying to lighten the mood. “Somepony will think we're up to something if we're too serious. We should be enjoying our time at Canterlot.”

“Right,” Spike said. “Three humans randomly show up, and you're telling me to enjoy myself. Great.”

Spike continued to mutter to himself until they approached the entrance to the castle. Twilight was relieved that they had come this far uneventfully. However, her relief plunged into worry when she saw two guards stationed at the castle's entrance.

“What's the problem?” Spike asked when Twilight stopped moving.

“I don't know if I can get the wizards past these guards,” she said.

“They're invisible. How hard could it be?” Spike asked.

“Well, you and I should get through just fine, but how are three humans going to sneak by them without bumping into them? I mean, they'll let us through and try to return to their post, but then they might bump into the wizards, so how are we going to-”

“Twilight, will you relax? I'm sure it'll be fine,” Spike said.

“Whatever you say, Spike...” Twilight, Spike, and the wizards approached the guards. The two guards looked at Twilight and smiled when they recognized her.

“Good morning, Twilight,” one of the guards said.

“Morning,” Twilight said nervously.

“You haven't been here since the wedding, haven't you?” the other guard asked.

“Well, no, I've been busy in Ponyville,” Twilight said.

“That dinky place? Man, were we confused when the princess sent you all the way down there!” the first guard said.

“That's a little rude...” Spike muttered.

“Hey, it's my home now,” Twilight said. “It's really quite lovely.”

“Oh, I'm sure it is,” the other guard said. “He's just messing with you.”

“Yeah, it's kind of a long time to be standing up here,” the first guard said.

“I see,” Twilight said. “Well, we have important business in the archives, so if you could just...”

“Oh, pardon us!” the second guard said. “Go right ahead.”

“Okay...” Twilight said, glancing nervously at Spike. Spike motioned for her to get moving, so she stepped through with Spike following right behind her. Then, before the wizards could get through, the guards tried to return to their post and toppled into them. In the confusion, the cloak fell off, revealing the humans.

“What in the world...?” the first guard asked.

“Summon the princess!” cried the second guard.

“Run!” Twilight cried, and the pony, dragon, and wizards ran into the castle with the guards in hot pursuit. Harry, Ron, and Hermione followed Twilight and Spike madly through the castle, which was as ornate as Hogwarts, without any sense of where they were going. Twilight wasn't sure where she was going either; she was only trying to escape the guards. Finally, however, Twilight went through a door and collided with Princess Celestia, who was taken aback by the sudden arrival of her students. Celestia helped Twilight up, and then turned to face Spike and the wizards. She froze when she saw the humans.

“Twilight,” Celestia said in a menacing tone that terrified the purple mare, “what are these creatures doing here?”

“Princess Celestia, please, I can explain-” Twilight started, but the princess held up a hoof to silence her.

“Follow me. Now,” Celestia said, and Twilight had no choice but to lead Spike and the three wizards. The group arrived at the throne room a short time later and were hailed by lines of guards that glared at Twilight as she passed. Once Princess Celestia had led the other five into the throne room and shut the door, Harry, Ron, and Hermione started babbling an explanation to their presence. Celestia raised a hoof, and they fell silent immediately.

“Explain,” the princess asked of her student.

“Well, okay,” Twilight said, taking a deep breath. “I'm not exactly sure how these three managed to get here, but they were accidentally sent to Equestria against their will. They ran into Zecora in the Everfree Forest, and Zecora brought them to me, hoping I could find a way to send them home. When we couldn't find an answer at the library in Ponyville, I decided to try to sneak them into the archives here, but we got caught and...well, here we are.” Twilight began to shudder at the look the princess was giving her. Celestia's gaze was surprisingly chilly and unfriendly. It was a look Twilight had never seen before and it made her stomach quiver.

“Twilight, my most faithful student,” the princess said in a tone that suggested she had lost all faith in the unicorn, “give me one good reason why I shouldn't banish these three humans and have you arrested for trying to sneak them into the castle.”

“Please, princess,” Spike pleaded, “it wasn't like we were trying to-”

“That's enough, Spike,” Celestia said, and Spike closed his mouth ashamedly. Twilight, meanwhile, was driven to tears.

“Princess Celestia, I wasn't trying to place the castle in danger, I was just-”

“Twilight, you know the history of humans in Equestria,” the princess said, “I know you do. It is clear the kind of horrors they put us ponies through. And despite that, you try to sneak them into the most hallowed of places in Equestria, my castle. Do you realize how close you came to enslaving our entire race?”

“Whoa, hold on,” Ron said, “what makes you think the three of us could-?”

“Be quiet!” Celestia ordered, and Ron immediately shut up out of fear.

“Princess, please,” Twilight said through her tears, “I just didn't want to cause any trouble. I was just trying to send them home-”

“Did you honestly believe their story, that they were 'accidentally' sent here?” the princess asked. “Did you not think that these creatures, who were notorious liars, as you most certainly knew, would tell any tall tale to lay siege upon this castle, upon my throne? How could you have known that there wasn't an entire army of them waiting beneath the wings? Did you not realize they were carrying these?” the princess asked, levitating the wands out of the back pockets of the three wizards.

“Um, I actually did know about those...” Twilight said sheepishly, “but I didn't think-”

“Apparently not,” Celestia said, “because you should have known that these were the weapons the humans used to enslave us all.” With a bit of focus, Celestia cast a spell that obliterated the wands into dust.

“Hey, we needed those!” Harry cried in furious outrage.

“Not in my kingdom, you beasts!” Celestia cried.

“Please,” Hermione begged, “you don't know the whole story-”

“And what details am I missing?” Celestia asked. “Where are the other humans that you are hiding? Where are your weapons being stored? Or should I ask which one of you is responsible for leading the army that would have us serve you?”

“No, it's nothing like that!” Hermione pleaded. “We were sent here by a rogue Vanishing Cabinet-”

“A likely story!” Celestia huffed. “A cabinet that can send you filthy creatures into our world. I'm sure!”

“No, you don't get it!” Hermione cried, beginning to lose her temper. “There's another wizard who's-”

“Oh, why am I not surprised?” Celestia asked. “Of course there are more of you. How many more need I worry about?”

“Just the one, I swear!” Hermione said, “and he really is dangerous! His name's Thorfinn Rowle and he's armed with a wand and not afraid to use it!”

“Is that a threat?” the princess asked.

“No, it's the truth!” Ron cried, his ears flaming red. “And if you don't start wising up, your Highness, you might find yourself cowering beneath his wand! Do you really want that?”

“You insolent beast!” Celestia cried. “I ought to have you banished, using that kind of tone towards someone of royalty.”

“Everybody, just hold on!” Harry cried. “This has gotten way out of hand. Look, your Highness, we're unarmed. We can't hurt you. The least you can do is let us try to explain our side of the story. Maybe once you've heard what's going on you can pass judgment. Maybe you'll actually want to help us, because I think we both want the same thing here. We want to go home, and you want us out of your kingdom. Shouldn't we try to work together instead of arguing pointlessly like this?” Princess Celestia considered Harry's words carefully, while Twilight and Spike waited with bated breath.

“Finally, someone who speaks reason,” the princess said. “All right, tell your story. I'm listening.”

***

Rowle had been flying on the dragon's back for a few hours. Apparently Twilight had sent him very far from Ponyville. But the dragon had had no choice but to follow through on his obligation. He had listened to Rowle complain about Twilight and Rainbow Dash, and he figured that if Rowle could eradicate any of the ponies that had accompanied that Fluttershy who had so humiliated his brother, then all the better. The dragon had thoughts of sweet revenge on his mind when he dropped Rowle off in a valley close to Ponyville.

“Good job,” Rowle said to the dragon. “I suppose I can walk from here.”

“Just up this hill,” the dragon said. “Say, what exactly are you going to do about that Twilight Sparkle?”

“Torture her if I get the chance. That bitch left me up in your cave to die, so I suppose I can return the favor.”

“Excellent,” the dragon said. “Good luck with that.” The dragon took off and Rowle started walking up the hill. When he arrived at the top he suddenly found himself in the middle of an apple orchard. The apples on the trees looked positively delicious with their shiny red texture glimmering in the moonlight. Rowle figured it wouldn't hurt to take a bite of one, but just as he had picked the apple and was about to place it in his mouth, he heard a harsh voice interrupt him.

“Hey! What in the hay are you doin' with mah apples?” the voice asked. Rowle noticed the strange accent of the voice, as if it belonged to someone from the American south.

“Um...who is this?” Rowle asked.

“And what in the hay are you?” the voice replied. Rowle turned and saw an orange pony with a blonde main tied in a ponytail and a Stetson on her head. Rowle laughed at how ridiculous she looked.

“What is so funny?” the pony asked, and Rowle laughed harder at the accent.

“You look and sound ridiculous!” Rowle finally spat out before bursting into laughter again.

“Says the creature the like of which I ain't never seen before,” the pony replied. “Now put that apple down on the ground or get ready for a buckin'.”

“And what exactly is a bucking?” Rowle asked, but he soon wish he hadn't. Before he could react, the pony galloped up to him, turned, and kicked back her hind legs into his stomach. Rowle dropped the apple as he fell to the ground, having the wind knocked out of him.

“Oof!” he cried. “Forget I asked...” Rowle slowly got to his feet and winced as the pony approached him.

“Yer a mighty strange creature,” the pony said. “The fact that you can talk makes it even stranger... Do you got a name?”

“Rowle,” the wizard said. “And what about you?”

“The name's Applejack,” said the pony. “Now what the buck are ya doin' on mah land?”

“It was a happy accident that I ended up here,” Rowle said. “I assure you I'm not here by choice. I was wondering if someone could lead me to the library.”

“Oh, mah friend Twilight's the librarian there. Did ya want to see her?”

Rowle chuckled about how ignorant this pony was. “Yes, I was hoping to stop by for a visit. Now which way should I head off?”

“Wait one gosh-darned minute. Ah have no idea what you are or why you have business with Twilight Sparkle, so's I ain't about to show ya around these parts.”

“Well, as you can see, I'm a human,” Rowle said, guessing that it was better not to lie about something so fundamental.

“Yer a what?” Applejack asked.

“Human. H-U-M-A-N,” Rowle spelled out for the pony. “You've probably never even heard of one.”

“No, ah reckon ah haven't. Do ya know what ah am?”

“A pony,” Rowle said.

“Now, I don't like the playin' field here,” Applejack said. “You seem to know more about me than ah know about you. What exactly is a human?”

“Well, if you've never seen one, it's kind of difficult to describe,” Rowle said.

“Try me,” Applejack dared him.

“Fine. Have you ever seen a monkey before?”

“A what?” Applejack asked.

“Never mind, you're not going to get it,” Rowle said.

“Ah guess not,” Applejack said. “All I know is ya got yerself caught out here with no idea how and ah ain't never seen anythin' like ya before. That and you have business with Twilight Sparkle, which if it were anypony else ah would consider strange. That pony's always gettin' herself in a heap o' strange magical trouble.”

“She is, isn't she?” Rowle asked.

“Yer darn tootin',” Applejack said. “Why, if ah could count the number of times that mare's gotten herself mixed up in strange happenin's, ah'd have more numbers than ah have hooves on my legs.”

“That's only four,” Rowle deadpanned.

“Well, you get the point,” Applejack said. “Now, where'd ya say ya needed to go?”

“The library,” Rowle said.

“Well, ya seem like a reasonable enough fella, so ah reckon ah can take you there in the mornin'. You got a place to crash fer the night?”

“No,” Rowle said.

“Well, ya can sleep in mah room, on one condition. You've got to be sneaky comin' in so mah folks don't wake up and wonder what all the commotion is about, ya hear?”

“That's fine,” Rowle said, not looking forward to any more meetings with ponies tonight. The day had been strange enough already.

“Okay, the sun will be up soon, so ah say let's get tucked in before we're tuckered out.”

“Fine,” Rowle said, and as he followed Applejack to the farmhouse, he couldn't help but smirk.

The Art of Vanishing

Chapter 5: The Art of Vanishing

“Okay, I'm listening,” Celestia said.

“We really didn't do anything to end up here, you know,” Harry said, desperation evident in his voice. “We just sort of fell in from that Vanishing Cabinet.”

“What is a Vanishing Cabinet?” Celestia asked, the embodiment of patience once her temper had cooled off.

“It's actually a set of two cabinets, and through them one can teleport himself to the other,” Hermione explained.

“Like what that unicorn did to Rowle,” Ron asked.

“Who's Rowle?” Celestia asked.

“He's the bad guy that followed us here,” Harry replied. “Twilight sent him...somewhere.”

“To a dragon's cave,” Twilight said. “I didn't trust him, but I wasn't about to off him, either. I gave him a fighting chance.”

“You did what I would have done,” Celestia said.

“That doesn't make me feel any less guilty,” Twilight said.

“Never mind that now,” Celestia said. “The point is that you eradicated a force that would overwhelm us. But why let these three come here?”

“I thought they could be trusted...” Twilight said.

“That is where we disagree, although so far they have done nothing to actively harm us,” Celestia said. “Should that change, I will see to it that they fend for themselves against a whole herd of dragons.”

“We promise we won't let you down,” Ron said. “We just want to get out of here.”

“Which is why we're here in the first place,” Spike said. “We need to get to the archives to figure out a way out of here. Do you think you can help us?”

“That depends. Can I trust these humans not to attack me, not to steal precious information from our archives, not to-”

“Of course you can,” Ron said impatiently. “Don't you think we'd have done it already?”

“Don't get testy with me,” Celestia said. “Need I remind you that you are in my kingdom and you must do as I command?”

“No, your Highness,” Ron said with a hint of mockery that Princess Celestia didn't catch.

“Then let's go to the archives. We've no time to lose.” Princess Celestia led the pack of misfits to the Royal Canterlot Archives, which impressed Hermione as soon as they entered. There were no flying books or books that screamed, just a beautifully organized, ornate library, the kind Hermione might find in London on her holidays. The group wasted no time admiring the library, however. They went right to work trying to locate a spell that would help them.

Princess Celestia sent Harry, Ron, and Hermione in three different directions to scour books that might help them. Harry checked interdimensionality, Hermione was sent to magical transportation, and Ron took teleportation. Twilight and Spike decided to look in the section on portals, and Princess Celestia chose to investigate in the general magic section, as it was the most difficult to navigate effectively. After a few hours of exhaustive searching, no one had found anything remotely related to malfunctioning Vanishing Cabinets or any other means of interdimensional travel.

“It's no use!” Ron cried as every one decided to regroup. “I knew this wouldn't work. The library screws us over again!”

“I hate to say it,” Hermione said hesitantly, “but I think Ron's right.”

“Now what do we do?” Spike asked, disgruntled.

“We can't give up hope,” Princess Celestia said. “There must be a way we can experiment to devise a method to get you home.”

“Are you sure we'll think of something?” Twilight asked.

“We have to,” Celestia said. “We have no other choice. These humans cannot stay here undetected for long, so we must find a way to send them home. The fate of Equestria may depend on it.”

“Then we have no time to lose,” Harry said. “Back to the archives, everyone. We still have work to do.”

***

Luna was the one who finally found it. It was the broken cabinet in the Forbidden Forest that caught her eye. She beckoned Neville and Ginny over to the clearing to investigate.

“That looks like the remains of a Vanishing Cabinet,” Ginny said. “I saw the one in the Room of Requirement and it looked exactly like this.”

“Looks like someone took it out with a Reductor Charm,” Neville guessed.

“Someone used some kind of magic on it,” Luna said.

“Do you think this has anything to do with the disappearance of our friends?” Neville asked.

“It better,” Ginny said, “or they're really in grave danger.”

“What happens when a Vanishing Cabinet is destroyed, anyway?” Luna asked.

“Maybe we should find out,” Neville said, and the trio immediately headed back towards the castle to access the library. When they arrived, they were surprised to find Madam Pince combing through the shelves.

“Madam Pince,” Neville said, the only one bold enough to approach the haughty witch. “We were wondering if we could ask you something about Vanishing Cabinets.”

“What do you want about Vanishing Cabinets?” she asked. “A student came in a few days before this accursed battle and asked to take a book out all about them, and he hasn't bothered to return it yet.”

“Which student was this?” Ginny asked.

“How should I know? The bastard was wearing a hooded cloak. But who am I to turn down a student in need of a book? It's not my job to discriminate based on appearance. Oh, but what a shrewd type he seemed to me.”

“Well, thank you anyway, Madam,” Neville said, and he, Ginny, and Luna left the library.

“No way that was an ordinary student,” Ginny said. “This has to do with the cabinet in the forest.”

“But how?” Luna asked.

“I don't know how,” Ginny said, “but I'll be damned if this has nothing to do with Harry's disappearance.”

“Still, what can we do about it now?” Neville asked.

“We need to find that book,” Ginny said, “or at least find a way to obtain a copy of it.”

“Why not just summon it?” Luna asked. “If Madam Pince gave us the title of the book, and it was still nearby, the solution might literally fall into our open palm.”

“I don't want to alert the person who took it out, though,” Ginny said. “If it does have something to do with the disappearance of our friends, I'd rather they not know we're on to them.”

“You make an interesting point,” Luna said, “but what choice do we have? We have little to no chance of finding the book on our own.”

“We could always get a copy at Diagon Alley. It's only a quick Apparition away, and odds are good that Flourish and Blott's has the book we need.”

“It's better than nothing,” Ginny said, and so the three returned to the library and inquired about the book's title.

“It's called The Art of Vanishing: A Reference Guide, but I hardly see how that will help you when I don't have it,” Madam Pince said.

“Thank you,” Ginny said, and the three of them left again.

“Now, let's get down to Hogsmeade so we can Apparate to Diagon Alley,” she said.

***

Rowle awoke to find himself tied to Applejack's heavy bed. He had been allowed to stay in her room over the night, but apparently he had slept through someone's efforts to restrain him. He looked up and saw three ponies glaring at him: Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and a white one with a flowing purple mane.

“Who are-?”

“Rarity,” the pony answered. “I'm the one that tied you up.”

“And I'm the one who convinced Applejack to let her do it,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Ah still don't see the point,” Applejack said. “Shouldn't we at least get to know the fella before judgin' him?”

“Fat chance,” Rainbow Dash said. “Twilight didn't need to judge him before banishing him to the dark denizens of a dragon cave. And how exactly did you weasel your way back here?” Rainbow Dash asked Rowle.

“I got lucky,” Rowle said with a scowl. “Now untie me from this accursed bed!”

“Not until we get some straight answers,” Rainbow Dash said. “Why did you come back to Ponyville when it was clear we didn't want you here?”

“For the life of me, I have no idea,” Rowle lied. He wished so desperately to say that he came back to kill that horrible purple mare, but he knew saying so would probably earn him a liberal beating from the unruly creatures.

“That doesn't seem very likely,” Rarity said. “It must have been a long way to travel, and there were many other places you could have chosen to go.”

“I wanted to...talk some sense into you brutes,” Rowle growled. Rainbow Dash knocked him in the head with her hoof.

“Watch how you talk to us 'brutes',” she warned, “or you'll see how brutal we can be.”

“I've seen enough for a lifetime,” Rowle said. “I just want to go home.”

“Good, then we're on the same page on at least that,” Rainbow Dash said. “We want you to get the buck out of here, too. So how are we going to manage that?”

“Rainbow, are ya sure we need to keep him tied up like this?” Applejack asked. “He had all night to attack me and he didn't.”

“Because you're the only reasonable pony in the herd,” Rowle said. “This blue one judged me before she even got to know me! And the white one went along with it.”

“I beg your pardon, but I always err on the side of caution,” Rarity explained. “Rainbow Dash seemed to think you were dangerous, so I followed her gut, and from the sound of it, you're not a very pleasant human to be around.”

“At least we can agree on that much,” Rowle said.

“Enough chit-chat,” Rainbow Dash said. “It's about time we figured out what to do with this creature.”

“Ah reckon we figure out how to send him home,” Applejack said.

“That will take way too long,” Rainbow Dash said. “I say we throw him in Tartarus and let the foul beasts there deal with him.”

“That's unduly harsh, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity said. “This human may be uncouth, but that doesn't make him a threat. I say leave him tied to the bed and write Princess Celestia about what to do.”

“And how are we gonna keep him fed?” Applejack asked. “How are we gonna let him do his business? Did ya even consider that maybe he has the same biological needs as we do?”

“Applejack, don't be ridiculous,” Rainbow Dash said.

“The orange mare's right,” Rowle said. “You have to let me go if you don't want me pissing all over the floor.”

“So garish...” Rarity commented.

“I don't think so!” Rainbow Dash fired back. “He has some kind of stick that lets him do all sorts of weird magic. I wouldn't trust him any further than I could throw him.”

“Then what are we gonna do with him?” Applejack asked.

“I think Rarity's right. We'll write to Princess Celestia and ask her what to do.”

“Good plan,” Applejack said. “Let's get crackin' on that letter.” The three ponies left Rowle in the bedroom as they left.

“No, go ahead, take your time,” Rowle said. “I'll just sit here and wait for you to come back.” He sighed, hoping he wouldn't be in this helpless situation for much longer.