Chapter 1: Serious Discord is Scary Discord
'Dear Princess Celestia
I am writing this letter as part of your instructions to send updates to you and/or Princess Luna regarding any strange activity from Discord- stranger than normal, obviously.
While it doesn't seem like he has done anything overtly malicious or extremely chaotic, he does seem to be up to something. He has currently sealed off all of Fluttershy's cottage and land in an irregularly shaped shield- she claims that he was polite yet urgent and insistent on the manner when he asked her to vacate her home for the next few hours while he searches for 'some things'. While Fluttershy may be sugarcoating it a bit, she herself seemed more confused and concerned than alarmed. I've also hear reports of him, quoting Rainbow Dash, "snooping around like some kind of chimera-bloodhound" all over Ponyville. Again, he doesn't seem to be attacking or disturbing anyone outside of being, well, creepy and invading a few homes briefly
At the moment, no one has been able to catch his attention long enough to get an explanation. I will keep you updated and if you have any insight into Discord's behavior, please share.
Your Faithful Student Twilight Sparkle
PS I feel the need to clarify: The only homes he has intruded into seem to be those belonging to my friends and me- obviously this includes Sugar Cube Corner, but I digress; no one else has reported such incidents. If this isn't just some way to mess with us or otherwise a more sinister plot, then there is still the pattern that what he's looking for seems to involve us so far- or he thinks we stole something of his.'
"Should that do it, Twilight?" Spike asked curiously as Twilight read over the letter twice to make sure.
"Send away, Spike," Twilight instructed, satisfied with the message, leaning back just a bit as the fire engulfed the letter, sighing briefly. "I hope the Princess has some idea of what Discord is up to. He's only been reformed for...," the Unicorn paused ever so briefly to recheck her mental math. "A month as of three days ago."
Spike shrugged, clueless as well, "Maybe he's just getting some weird, chaos version of claustrophobia or restless hoof syndrome?" he suggested off the top of his scaly head.
Twilight opened her mouth before pausing, "That's not too unlikely, actually. Well, maybe not those specifically, but something of that nature," Twilight mused, giving Discord some benefit of the doubt if only due to his uncharacteristic behavior, "Still, Fluttershy did say he was looking for something. Question is, is it something that he lost or something that he only now knew was in town?" Twilight theorized to herself.
"Something I lost," Discord answered, crawling out from under Twilight's bed with his nose to the ground, making them jump in surprise, "Some things, actually, Twipie, Spluna," he added on offhandedly.
"It's Twilight and Spike," Twilight corrected, staring at him in confused and annoyed interest.
"Hmm?" Discord called, looking at them briefly as he slithered across the floor, "So you are," He acknowledged uncaringly, picking up a random book and glossing through it, putting it back before Twilight protested.
"What ARE you looking for?" Twilight asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Just some things pertaining to a hobby of mine- a hobby that keeps me from getting the chaos versions of claustrophobia and restless hoof syndrome," Discord answered snidely, going through another book.
"How long have you been here?" Spike asked with wide eyes.
"I was in the basement two stops before this," Discord explained.
"Wait a second...," Twilight muttered as she used her magic to grab all the books Discord had finished looking through, "Something is familiar about this set of books...," Twilight mused, rubbing her hoof to her chin.
Spike opened his mouth again, but was cut short by a burst of green flames and a letter appearing, opening and glancing over it, "...I take it that your last stop was Canterlot?" Spike asked snarkily.
"What's it say?" Twilight asked when Discord didn't respond, she herself still looking at the books thoughtfully while Discord started to check the actual shelves instead of the books.
"My Dear Student Twilight,
I am aware of Discord's strange activities, sans vacating Fluttershy of her home. He has been doing much the same in the castle: He has been prowling around the garden, my bedroom, Luna's bedroom,(Thankfully and amazingly, he didn't wake her) the chariots, the armory, the barracks, the throne room, the kitchen, and the vault where the Elements used to be stored. Unfortunately, I am most perplexed by this as well. While there is an obvious pattern in Ponyville, as you mentioned, there is little else I can think of that would explain his behavior.
However, he IS certainly searching for something. I and the staff have caught a glimpse of him picking up something tiny but he stores it in a bag before anyone made out what. While I too desire answers, it may be best to simply let him finish his search. Partially due to the restraint he's using in terms of using his magic in this endeavor, partially due to his disturbing seriousness, but mostly because he turned the spears of the last two guards that tried to interrupt him into lengths of sentient chain that we still have not managed to free them from.
Keep me updated on if any new information comes to light on what he is looking for and if his behavior becomes more erratic. Also if he finishes and/or if his behavior returns to normal.
Your Teacher Celestia"
Spike hummed as he finished before seeing a postscript, "Oh, and "PS: If you get the chance, can you ask Discord what a "Tawananna" is and why he kept referring to me as Tsarina Nebesa?" Huh, guess that Twipie-Spluna thing is another part of...whatever this is," Spike commented curiously.
Twilight looked at him oddly or the letter to be more exact, as she processed the words, "The garden, the bedrooms, the chariots, the armory, the barracks, the throne room, the kitchen, and the vault?" She repeated in confusion, "Discord, what could you have lost that would make you look-" Twilight paused, realizing the draconequus had long since left the room, "-in all those places...It's kind of creepy, him leaving so quietly," She commented in bewilderment.
"So, what do we do now?" Spike asked, scratching his head.
"For now, we just explain to the girls what the Princess wrote and keep an eye on Discord. Whatever this is, seems kind of important to him, so-"
"PIIIIIINKIE PIIIIIIIE! YOU HOOF THAT OVER RIGHT BUCKING NOW OR I WILL TEAR YOUR FLUFFY MANE OUT!"
Twilight had to admit, she had never heard Discord yell like that. Actually, she wasn't sure he had ever yelled at all to her memory. Regardless, the sheer power and volume of Discord's yell was actually causing a small earthquake throughout Ponyville, making the books shake and some fall off the shelves.
"I WILL CURSE YOUR MOUTH TO MAKE ALL THAT IS SUGARY AND SWEET TURN SOUR AND BITTER AT THE SLIGHTEST TOUCH!"
That one almost felt like an erupting volcano.
"I think now would be a good time to save Pinkie Pie," Twilight said with wide, scared, numb eyes.
"Agr-UGH!" Spike started, only to belch out another letter.
Twilight instantly grabbed the letter with her magic and quickly read it. Thankfully, it was only one line, two sentences: "We heard. We're coming," Twilight read off in worry. The dragon and the unicorn shared a look at this, gulping before sprinting out of the library.
Finding Pinkie Pie was not hard; the windless twister of dark pink cotton candy clouds was a dead giveaway, so all they had to do was head in the opposite direction of the ponies that were fleeing for their lives.
"Twilight!" Rainbow Dash yelled from overhead, flying down closer to Twilight's ground level, "What is going on?! I thought Discord was just looking around, not going chaos-lord on us?!" she asked, already looking ready to kick some flank, but not sure what to make of the situation.
"Well, apparently Pinkie Pie found what he was after and he isn't happy about that," Twilight answered, still galloping as fast as she could. While she realized she could teleport, she wasn't very comfortable doing so with Discord's powers running amuck like this.
"Geeze, what the hell is it, his diary?" Rainbow grumbled in annoyance, "Applejack is on the way, for the record," She informed, having been with the earth mare prior to this turn of events.
"Good, so are the princesses. If this is a relapse, which I doubt for the moment, they should be able to hold him off while we grab the elements of harmony real quick," Twilight explained, "Speaking of which, Spike?"
"I'll burp them up the moment you ask," Spike assured, doing his best to keep up.
The three paused for a moment as they reached their destination, looking up at the mexicolt pink twister twirling ominously above them, "Well, at least it's not windy," Applejack mused as she ran up next to the unicorn, pegasus, and dragon, "I miss anything yet?" the farmer asked, steeling her voice and face.
"A bit more screaming...that I didn't catch...and the Princesses...are on the way," Spike answered, panting with his clawed hands on his knees.
"Any idea where Fluttershy and Rarity are?" Twilight asked neutrally.
"Probably in there. Me and Rainbow Dash were about to come and ask ya to join us," Applejack answered in the same.
"Worst case scenario, half of our friends are in the clutches of an angry Discord," Twilight mused, "Best cases, Pinkie Pie is holding him off or Fluttershy has talked him down," She added on with a shrug, taking a deep breath, "Ready?" She asked, getting solemn yet determined nods, "Let's do this..."
"THAT'S IT PINKIE PIE! GIVE IT HERE OR-!"
"Discord, let her go!" Rainbow Dash yelled as they barged in through the front door...
"Is something wrong, girls?"
The quartet blinked as they took in the scene before them. The bakery was...completely normal. No living confections eating customers, no lack of gravity, no flame-throwing or ice-sneezing oven. There were a handful of customers, most of them looking at the new arrivals strangely while waiting for their turn. Including Fluttershy and Rarity, sharing a table with a box of donuts- Rarity's had only a bit eaten out of it while Fluttershy, having not had much breakfast before being kicked out, was half way through what was her second donut.
"Twilight? Applejack? Rainbow? Is there a reason you ruined the peaceful air?" Rarity asked with a raised eyebrow.
Twilight blinked as she looked out the window, hearing nothing of the screams of Discord or the fleeing ponies. In fact, it just looked dark outside from storm clouds, "Umm, hi Fluttershy, Rarity," Spike greeted sheepishly, leaning into view from Twilight's side.
"Oh, we're terribly sorry Spike- we couldn't see you behind Twilight and Applejack," Rarity apologized briefly, offering him a warm smile.
"It's okay," He said, blushing only lightly under her gaze, "Umm, did you two hear any screaming?" Spike asked sheepishly.
"Screaming?" Fluttershy perked up in alarm and concern.
"We could hear Discord yelling at Pinkie Pie from all ends of town. Ya'll didn't hear a thing?" Applejack asked in surprise.
"Umm, no, I don't think so?" Fluttershy answered in confusion, "We...we were just waiting on the rest of you."
"Hmm, now that you mention it, Discord did appear briefly, sniffing about like a mutt, right after Pinkie Pie went to check on the bakery supplies in the basement," Rarity mused, tapping a hoof to her chin in thought, "But no, we certainly didn't hear any screaming."
"...There's a cotton candy twister above the store," Rainbow whispered to the two, covering Fluttershy's mouth before she could eep as Rarity went wide eyed, "It's windless, somehow, so it's just scaring ponies at the moment."
"...Perhaps we should go check on her, just to be sure," Rarity agreed with a strained calm, a worried frown on her face.
"Agreed," Twilight responded, the others nodding as they all made their way around the counter to the back. The customers, knowing one of the employees was an Element of Harmony, didn't question the group going to check up on their friend.
They made their way down without interruption, Rarity and Fluttershy finding the place very well kept and lit, not at all the dark and dusty environment one expects of a basement. It was like a small maze or library in Twilight's mind of boxed supplies. Said unicorn idly noted several boxes labeled as party supplies. Rainbow, on the other hoof, noted the boxes and the ceiling wouldn't leave her much room to fly and begrudgingly settled for walking.
"Ya'll hear that?" Applejack asked as they reached the bottom.
"Sounds like Pinkie," Spike commented.
"And Discord," Fluttershy added in, folding her wings tightly at her side, standing between Rainbow and Applejack.
"Okay, Pinkie, slowly, slowly put it down. Remember, this is a multi-million life matter..." Discord's voice echoed out, actually sounding...concerned?
"That sounds bad," Rainbow commented as they went wide eyed.
"Discord, I'm scared," Pinkie Pie whimpered, "I...I don't want to hurt anypony!"
"That sounds worse!" Twilight retorted as they started sprinting around the halls of supplies that, to Twilight, seemed much larger than the basement should allow.
"Now, I want you to get on your knees, nice and easy. Yes, that's it," Discord instructed, his voice slow, containing a constrained harshness.
"That...that just sounds wrong," Applejack pointed out with a worried frown.
"Now, slowly, slowly put your front hooves against the floor. Do you think you can let it go without letting it bounce?" Discord instructed slowly.
"...I'm not even sure what to make of that," Rarity commented, clearly confused.
"I...I don't know!" Pinkie answered, sounding more like Fluttershy than anyone else.
"It's okay Pinkie. I just want you to hold completely still for me. I'm going to gently take it and you're going to let go," Discord instructed.
"They...they both sound worried," Fluttershy voiced, sharing everyone's thoughts.
"I...I'm sorry Discord! I didn't know what it was!" Pinkie cried out, sobbing quietly.
"I know, I know. Now please stop crying, you're shaking too much," Discord instructed.
"Discord, wha-!" Twilight yelled as they finally came around the final corner, seeing the pair: Discord looming over a kneeling, crying Pinkie Pie that was practically prostate before him.
"SHUT THE BUCK UP TWILIGHT!" Discord yelled as he didn't even look to them, the room suddenly heating up as they all reeled back from the sheer intensity and volume of his voice.
"Discord, what are you doing?" Fluttershy asked in a slightly disapproving tone, giving him a scolding look for his attitude.
"Fluttershy, girls, please stop," Pinkie Pie pleaded, looking very, very scared, "Just let Discord take it: it's his anyway! I just found it! And I'll just hurt them, I might have already!" Pinkie urged desperately.
"Pinkie, what are you talking about? Take what? Hurt who?" Rainbow asked with a suspicious glare at Discord.
"And what did ya'll mean a million-life matter?" Applejack asked with a raised eyebrow.
Discord stared at them for a moment before turning back to Pinkie Pie, "I don't have time for this. The Princesses are coming and either of them could break it just by arriving," Discord commented dismissively as he waved his claw.
"We'll explain later! Just let him take it, please!" Pinkie promised quickly as Discord slowly reached down between her hooves and gently pulled up...
"Is that a marble?" Spike asked flatly, seeing the tiny, bright, colorful orb in Discord's lion paw.
"Finally! That's the last one!" Discord said, his usual grin back on his face as he dropped the item into a small, drawstring leather bag, "There you all are, nice and safe," he said, vanishing the bag.
"Umm, Discord? Can I stand up now?" Pinkie Pie asked nervously, sitting very rigidly.
"Yes, yes, Pinkie, we're done with that," Discord said with a dismissive wave, "Now, why don't you go whip up some cakes. I'm sure the Sunbutt and Moonflanks will want some after going through the trouble of gearing up for war on my account," He mused, smirking as he heard and saw a telltale flash of light...and was promptly treated to two royal princesses in body armor, each pointing a weapon at him, "Speak of the Backahast, here they are."
Celestia was wearing golden armor with scarlet edges, while Luna's was silver with black edges. They covered the backsides, like the royal guards did, but had leg guards going down the front of their limbs that had plates strapped onto the back of the limbs. Each chest plate bore their symbols while their ethereal manes were pulled into ponytails in a hole at the back of their helmets, helmets which were more angular and less smooth than Nightmare Moon's had been . Below their horns were, respectively, gold and blue bayonets attached to the helmets.
In Luna's magical grip was a spear, the staff silvery and the tip an ethereal blue, a large white gem just below it in the curved guard. Celestia sported a long sword, its blade a blazing gold and its handle red as a crimson dawn, a blue gem resting in the guard.
All the mortals stared in awe of their diarchs, the normally benevolent and kind princesses now looking like goddesses of war and victory. Even if it wasn't somewhat instinctive, they all would have bowed down before the might the Alicorns radiated in that moment.
Discord just smiled nostalgically as he looked down their weapons, drinking in the image of both of them, "Beamthrust: crafted from the core of the Moon itself, forged in the heart of a Dragon King, tempered in the Rivers of Tartarus and blessed by Queen Pteranix and King Chirobus. Flareheart: crafted from the skeleton of an elder phoenix, forged in the last rays of a dying sun, tempered in the Springs of Truth and blessed by the Kudufu," Discord commented, his gaze tender and warm as he stared into the cold, battle-hardened eyes of his former enemies. His lingered for a moment before lowering to their armor, "Solstone and Manifold, The Empyrean Armors, forged in the Seraphic Flames from Adamantine and shaped for five hundred year to perfection in the vacancy of space by Argoctus Tenoculus. Imbued with such ancient magic that not even a god may easily damage them," he continued, stroking his goatee thoughtfully.
The ponies and dragon listened with rapid attention, unable to ignore those names and words even if they wished to. Suddenly, standing before Celestia and Luna, garbed and armed by such legendary items, staring down a smiling Discord...they suddenly felt so very small, as if dwarfed by these almighty and ancient beings. The fact that they had defeated two of them in the past didn't help that feeling in the slightest.
The God of Chaos hummed coyly when the Princesses of the Sun and Moon refused to respond to him, "I'm impressed and touched, Celestia, that you kept them for all these centuries and in such good care. It seems peace truly hasn't made you soft," he openly praised before chuckling, "Do you both still have, perhaps, the Apollic Bow and the Artemic Daggers? The Marcimum Shield? The Disk of Tsukumani? The Naboot of Ranine? The Thothris Wings? The Cloak of Shotethere?" He listed off curiously.
The two royal Alicorns were deadly silent, the weight in the room almost palpable to the mortals occupying it. Slowly, cautiously, Luna chanced a glance back at the group of five mares and one hatchling behind her and her sisters. Her blue-green eye trailed over them all carefully, seeing no injuries to be seen. Her eyes locked with Twilight Sparkle, almost as if to inquire about the situation. Before Twilight could think to mouth anything, Luna turned her gaze to Pinkie Pie, staring at them pleadingly. It wasn't a plea for help, though, only for peace.
The younger sister looked to her elder, sharing the briefest of looks, entire conversations flashing before their eyes, before they nodded.
Immediately, the two immortal ponies raised their weapons and sheathed them along their backs. Celestia took a deep breathe before speaking, even and controlled, "Being repaired, yes, no, lost in the Everfree, yes, reforged, you still have that, and you should know this already," She answered quickly, getting a chuckle from Discord and an eye roll from Luna. She sighed, letting the tension roll off her and Luna as they gave Discord annoyed looks.
"Thou planned this," Luna accused flatly.
"I haven't the foggiest idea what you mean," Discord said with an innocent look, complete with a halo over his head. Luna, with a glow of her horn, zapped it and made it black, "Still so feisty, Lulu," Discord teased.
"P-princess Celestia? Princess L-l-luna?" Twilight squeaked out, her and the others still kneeling and staring in awe. Fluttershy actually looked like she fainted with her wide eyes and body frozen.
Celestia turned to her subjects, offering them an apologetic smile, "Please, arise, Twilight, my friends," She urged lightly as they slowly rose to their hooves, "I'm sorry if my sister and I gave you a scare, but we felt it was necessary at the time," She explained.
"And upon that subject," Luna spoke up, looking to Pinkie Pie, who had given a large sigh of relief, "Lady Pinkie Pie, We must inquire: What the buck didth thee do? We can count on the claws of a single dragon palm to the number of incidents when Discord's wrath reached such levels as this and from experience, we thought it physically impossible for less than an immortal to accomplish such," Luna questioned with a raised eyebrow.
"Ummm, what?" Pinkie Pie asked in confusion, tilting her head in confusion, "Discord didn't seem that angry with me..."
Celestia raised an eyebrow at that, "Pinkie Pie, he created a cotton candy twister while threatening you with certain...curses, shall we say," Celestia informed, getting a blink of surprise, "We came because we heard it all the way from Canterlot."
Discord gave a fake pout of disappointment as he crossed his arms, "Oh? So you didn't just dig up your old armor for us to stroll down memory lane?" Discord asked in mock sadness.
"Umm, Princesses?" Spike spoke up, getting their attention, "Long story short? Pinkie Pie found whatever he was looking for and Discord was...not happy she had it, for some reason," He summarized.
"I wasn't happy either!" Pinkie Pie assured frantically, "I mean, I like finding my friends stuff sometimes, since it usually makes me remember good memories and even if it doesn't, I still have a new reason to go visit them to return it. But this is one of those things you don't want other people holding, like an unhatched egg! Or a really, really, really, really old book! Or the last piece of a candy brand that went out of business! Or those emergency surprise party signs you made for them five years in advance! Or that original Wonderbolts outfit you bought on pon-Ebay!" Pinkie Pie ranted off endless with wide eyes, the others staring at her oddly, "or the super cannons if any of us become Ali-!" She was stopped by a red tail wrapping around her snout.
"Okay Pinkie, we get it!" Discord said with an eye roll, despite his amusement, "Now, I believe you have some customers to take care of?" he reminded, snapping his claws as a chef hat and apron appeared on Pinkie Pie, the former saying "Kiss the Cook!" in pink letters on the front. Unbeknown to anyone but Discord, the back half of the hat was black with the words "Lick the Pot!" in red letters.
Pinkie Pie gasped loudly before charging up the stairs at speeds that would have impressed Rainbow Dash...if she wasn't still staring at the Alicorns with unblinking eyes, "Is there something wrong, Rainbow Dash?" Celestia asked with a tilt of the head.
Rainbow finally blinked, slowly, as she raised her front left hoof, "Princess, I have only one thing to say," Rainbow answered slowly.
*PUMF!*
Rarity and Fluttershy jumped to the side a bit as Rainbow's wings shot up at attention, Twilight gaping at her while Spike covered his mouth to contain a snicker, Applejack gave her a blank stare while Rarity rose an eyebrow and Fluttershy blushed. Discord and Luna actually blinked while Celestia went wide eyed, blushed, and her ears pressed back lightly, "Yes, Rainbow?" Celestia asked awkwardly.
"No, that was it," Rainbow assured quickly, blushing despite her straight face.
"BWAHAHAHAH!" Cue Discord rolling on the floor and laughing his ass off, "Another poor soul falls victim to your rugged good looks, ladies! HAHAHA! Backahasts indeed!"
"Hehe...hehe...hehe," Cue Luna struggling not to join him, "AHAHAHAHA!" Cue failure, "Fret not, our multi-colored friend! Thy reaction is most appropriate." Cue Luna smirking playfully before returning to laughing, leaving Rainbow blushing with an awkward grin.
And, finally, cue Celestia blushing while glaring at her treacherous sister for siding with the enemy.
"Really, Dash? Really?" Applejack asked blandly.
"This IS hardly the time, Darling," Rarity scolded lightly, but looked a bit amused by the pegasus.
"Hey, they're like...at least sixty percent cooler than anything I've ever imagined!" Rainbow defended, still blushing, but refusing to look embarrassed, even with her wings continuing to stand stiff and rigid for the world to see.
Celestia sighed, allowing herself a small smile as her sister and Discord pulled themselves together, "As flattered as I am, Rainbow Dash, I believe we would like an explanation as to what caused this...little incident?" She requested gently, glancing towards Discord.
"Yes, yes, I get it: Time to Interrogate Discord," said draconequus sighed overdramatically, sitting at a bolted down table made of iron with an equally bolted down metal chair. He was also wearing an orange jumpsuit with a straightjacket-like feature for his wings and cuffs chaining his limbs to his waist. His jumpsuit also had the prisoner number '-5i/0' on it. Luna, still in her armor, sat across from him with a police cap on her heard and a baton on the table in front of her, tilting her head in confusion, "So, Luna, want to be good cop or bad cop?" Discord asked with a grin, tapping his claws on the table.
"...Tis this one of the kinky sex things that art most common in this era?" Luna asked bluntly, causing Celestia to face hoof, Twilight to gap, Rarity to smirk, Rainbow to grin, Applejack to shake her head in bemusement, Spike to go blank faced at whatever image went through his young mind, and Fluttershy...quickly wiped away a nose bleed.
"It can be," Discord answered with a shrug and a wave, snapping his hand under the table, the scenery vanishing as he hovered overhead. "Anyway, I'm not sure I should bother explaining: It's over, I got what I lost, and it's of no issue anymore nor will it likely ever be."
"At the very least, explain why Pinkie Pie didn't hear you yelling at her when Canterlot did?" Celestia redirected with a raised eyebrow.
"...I didn't yell. That was a Psionic Outburst," Discord answered with a pout, crossing his arms immaturely.
At that, Celestia and Luna went very wide eyed, "Now thou simply must reveal what this matter is about! Ye hath only been driven to such a thing once in all of recorded history, and even that may not be true!"
"A Psionic Outburst?" Twilight asked curiously.
"It's an unintended wave of mental magic, projecting one's thoughts into everyone in a given area or, more extremely, turning them into vocalizations through pure magic causing audial vibrations," Celestia explained, almost robotically, "The amount of magic needed for the latter is comparable to a unicorn attempting to move the sun or moon a ten of the way across the sky."
"...And Discord has only done that once before?" Rainbow asked skeptically, her wings starting to deflate a bit.
"Unintentionally, yes," Celestia confirmed.
"So I got peeved over finding out someone found something private," Discord defended with a dismissive tone, "I'm sure you've ALL had that happen before. Or should I start poofing up diaries?" He asked with a raised eyebrow, daring them to start.
"Umm, Princesses?" Fluttershy squeaked lightly, tiptoeing forward a bit, "I-if I may?" She requested, motioning to Discord.
"Be our guest, Lady Fluttershy," Luna accepted with a nod from Celestia, "We ourselves hath not had the pleasure of seeing thine interactions with Discord before now. We art most curious," She added on idly.
"Always glad to be your entertainment, Moony," Discord said with a small smirk as Fluttershy hovered up to his level.
"Now Discord, no pony wants to pry into your personal life," Fluttershy assured with a gentle smile, "But you did worry us."
"Oh please my dear, I was just a bit alarmed that I lost something I didn't know I could lose," Discord countered, unconcerned as he held up a Twinkie, "It'd be like if all the filling was extracted out of a cupcake," he finished, the gooey white substance suddenly appearing out of the now-deflated treat, Discord casually flicking it over his shoulder.
*GAAAAASP!*
Discord blinked as Pinkie Pie appeared on a column of crates near his level, devoid of an apron or hat, "That's horrible!" Pinkie Pie said tearfully before blinking, "Unless it was for a prank, or a new flavoring. Hmm, Ketchup-filled Cupcakes? Ranch? Hot sauce?" She mused, unconcerned that all but one of the occupants in the room were staring at her oddly. The one out was Rainbow Dash, who was staring at Luna. The Night Princess had caught the bit of filling with her wing and was now licking up the white substances in an absent but, to Rainbow, provocative manner. Needless to say, her wings were now reinflated. And when Luna offered some to Celestia, who licked a bit off the very tip of the midnight feathers...well, Rainbow's wings felt like they were trying to shoot off her body.
"Moving on," Discord said with a wave to Fluttershy, who shook her head to regain her train of thought.
"But yes, it is a bit horrible, Discord," Fluttershy restarted, "That you were so upset by this. And the Princesses are obviously concerned for you. Now, I know you're still not used to having friends, but friends try to help each other. And part of that is letting them help you, by telling them what is bothering you, and what is important to you," Fluttershy presented, taking a breath as Discord raised a claw, "And even if you've fixed it, I would like to know. That way, if it ever happens again, maybe we can help you," Fluttershy offered with a smile.
Luna, and Celestia to a slightly lesser extent, watched on in interest as Discord seemed to deflate a bit, dropping his talon with a thoughtful frown. Fluttershy gave him an inquisitive hum, before he sighed, "Oh, alright, you win. But under my conditions! We do it here and my way!" Discord agreed, quickly snapping his finger and the basement turning into...
"An Ice cream parlor?" Spike asked in surprise.
"Might as well get comfortable," Discord said, sitting in a circular booth next to the windows, the view outside nothing but a mix of swirling colors, "And you two stay in your armor!" Discord added in, pointing to the Alicorns.
"What? Why?" Celestia asked with a scowl.
"Because you look good in it!" Discord countered with a grin.
"Agreed!" Rainbow piped in quickly, blinking as her brain registered her mouth, "I just said that out loud, didn't I?" She asked, getting a nod from Applejack and an amused look from Luna. Celestia blinked, holding back any other reaction.
"Well, Sister, I rather enjoy the feel of Manifold upon my coat once more, the weight of Beamthrust on my back. I doth see nary a reason to not forgo stripping ourselves of our armor and weapons once more," Luna said with a smile.
"I suppose...," Celestia relented as she and Luna sat at the end opposite of Discord. Besides Discord was Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity, Spike, and then next to Celestia was Twilight- who was busy taking in her mentor's appearance up close. Rainbow, due to her wing-problem, was given a stool next to Discord.
"Order up, on the house," Discord instructed lazily, menus popping up in front of all of them, "Just tap whatever you wanted, it'll appear," He added on, looking like he was distracted by whatever he was going to say, exactly.
"I think we'll wait until afterwards," Twilight said, a bit uneasy still, ignoring as Pinkie Pie and Rainbow ordered a triple banana split with chocolate syrup and a rainbow colored cone- Pinkie's for the amount and taste, Rainbow's to try it.
"So, if I might ask, Princesses, where was this wondrous armor and weaponry in past incidents?" Rarity asked politely, everyone except Discord and the Princesses looking curious at that.
Celestia sighed at that, "After we originally defeated Discord, Luna and I created a near perfect vault that could only be opened by both of us, together. It was originally meant to keep such thing from being stolen, as there were some ponies and creatures with mastery enough to duplicate one of our signatures, but doing both at once would make it incredibly more difficult. Without her, I was unable to access it for a thousand years," Celestia explained solemnly.
Luna nodded in confirmation, "And even after my return, it was some time before We twere able to use our magic skillfully enough in sync with our sister to perform the deed. And wilt Discord is unable to steal the items himself, he twas able to lock the vault down during his escape," She elaborated.
"And I unlocked it the minute I had these mares beat," Discord countered, ignoring the protests and glares that got him, "Admittedly, I probably should have waited a bit, since that seemed to tip Celestia off and prompt her mass exo-letter-dus," He added on begrudgingly.
"I will admit, Discord, I was happy to see that the millennium didn't erode your sense of fair play, even if it is a bit skewed by our standards," Celestia of all people praised with a small smile, getting confused looks from her subjects. Celestia? Respecting Discord? Wait, Discord had a sense of fair play?
"Didn't even give me the courtesy of a skirmish, leaving little Lulu to play decoy," Discord grumbled to himself, Celestia's smile dropping just a tiny bit at that.
"Oh? Art We, the Princess of the Moon, not enough for ye, O Disharmonous Rex?" Luna asked with a challenging smirk.
Applejack blinked as she leaned over to Rarity, "Rar? Is it just me or is there a bit of flirting going on here?" She asked in a whisper.
"Guess I've just never been much of a one mare kind of male before," Discord retorted in kind, instantly out of his slump of a mood.
"Yes, Applejack, I do believe there is," Rarity said with a curious smirk, stroking her hoof against her chin, using her spare hoof to absently push up the hanging jaws of Twilight and Spike.
"Says the Draconequus gravitating around the Element of Kindness," Celestia chimed in teasingly.
Rainbow now felt very awkward as her gutter-mind realized that Discord and the Princesses had a less than hostile banter going on which implied some potential events she was now…imagining. The awkwardness came from realizing that the images didn't deflate her any, making her glare at Discord out of the corner of her eyes.
Discord rolled his eyes at that, "Not like I have a choice in that matter," he commented under his breath.
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?!" Rainbow asked with a full glare now, coming to Fluttershy's defense, who looked a bit saddened by his wording.
"Oh, that's not a jab against Fluttershy here," Discord assured with a dismissive wave, "But I can't really 'hang out' with any of you, even after I toned everything down."
"Toned down?!" Twilight repeated in disbelief, "You ruined the organization of the library and every page in every book!"
"I didn't ruin anything. First off, I simply employed a reverse vertical ordering instead of a horizontal one- I thought you would have noticed. B, I changed the fonts, letter color, and page color in every book to match the complete opposite of the context of whatever it was about: Every bit was still as legible as before I started," Discord rebutted calmly.
"A reverse vertical...!?" Twilight repeated in exasperation, "Who would even invent that!?"
"Ya turned all my apples into triangles that were white with purple polka dots," Applejack added in with a frown.
"Oh, and I'm supposed to believe that Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie never did something like that to your apples?" Discord asked blandly, fighting down a smirk at the sheepish looks from the pranksters, "Also, they were pyramids, not triangles. Get your shapes right, ya Hillfilly. And it's not like they didn't change back a little while after they were plucked."
"And my dresses suddenly changing colors?" Rarity asked with a raised eyebrow.
"...I have no idea what you're talking about," Discord answered, returning the raised eyebrow.
"Truly?" Rarity asked skeptically.
"See, this is what I'm talking about. Anything wrong happens, I'm automatically a suspect, no matter what it is," Discord said with a wave of his arms.
"I think that may have more to do with your near-omnipotence mixed with healthy paranoia," Celestia pointed.
"Yeah, but they don't think to blame you every time something catches on fire," Discord retorted in annoyance.
"...Discord turned my napping-clouds into thunder clouds a few time," Rainbow added in, halfheartedly, "Honestly, it wasn't bad. The rumbling actually felt good on my belly," Rainbow explained with a shrug.
"You're lucky you didn't get electrocuted," Twilight pointed out with an eye roll.
"Welllllll, you did bring all the food in the store come alive and try to eat every pony," Pinkie Pie pointed out, curious to his explanation.
Discord turned his nose up at that, "Not true, they only attacked their buyers, and if they had bothered to notice, the ponies would have seen that there were no smudges or pain from the bites nor any hairs in the food after the food wore itself out. It was meant to be a fun, new way of competitive eating."
"Ohh, I remember that," Fluttershy said with a small smile, "A lot of the animals enjoy playing with their food. I felt bad at first, but Discord promised me that the food was actually alive, just...animated?" She asked, looking to Discord for confirmation.
"Yes indeed, my dear. Though, it is completely possible to make them sentient, but I refrained from such," Discord assured, smiling at the kind pegasus before looking smugly at the rest, "See! This one gets me!" He called, getting annoyed, blank expressions for his effort.
"Oh? That explains the cake war in the castle," Celestia mused absently.
"Yeah...wait, what?" Spike asked in confusion, "Cake. War?" He repeated slowly.
"Oh yes, twas a most entertaining event," Luna said with a grin, "The castle staff- Guards, maids, cooks, and all the rest- routinely have little parties and get-togethers once or twice a month, with our permission, as we often have a surplus of supplies. One night, we twere celebrating a young stallion arising to the rank of vice-captain! He happened to have a sweet tooth, like my sister, so many assortments of sugary delights were made that night. Imagine our shock when the food attempted to fight back!"
"Ohhohohoh! That sounds like lots and lots of fun!" Pinkie Pie cheered, "I'm usually firmly against treating sweets like that, but I'll make an exception for this!" she added on before blinking and turning completely serious with a frown, "Discord! At my funeral, I demand a massive war of sweets and treats throughout all of equestria!" Pinkie ordered without even a hint of humor.
"Aye, Aye, Your Pinkiness!" Discord saluted, wearing a pinkie-version of a general's uniform...before quickly ripping it off and scratching his back furiously, "Why was that so itchy?!"
"Until now, I thought you were all just drunk and didn't want to tell me what really happened," Celestia admitted with a small smirk, ignoring Discord as he got Fluttershy and a reluctant Rainbow Dash to scratch some sweet spots.
"Drunk, nay. Eaten into an exhausted coma from repeated sugar crashes? Aye," Luna explained with a grin of her own, "Though, thou must hath gone the extra length on our account, Discord. The cake was resistant to magic and all assaults other than by one's own teeth! Why, we spent hours battling that great horde, feasting upon our well-earned victories!" Luna declared proudly.
"...Am I dreaming?" Twilight asked, looking to her friends, "Tell me I'm drea-Ah! Spike?!" Twilight yelled in protest, her front left now lightly nipped.
"You're awake," Spike said numbly, holding up his finger to her, "Mind returning the favor?"
"All Hail Luna, Slayer of Cakes!" Discord cheered with a chuckle.
"All hail indeed! Send thine hordes, King of the Living Snacks! We shalt conquer all that ye send to doom at our fangs!" Luna continued with a very Nightmare Moon-like smirk, before giggling lightly, "But in all seriousness, it was a most enjoyable event. The staff found it to be quite a bonding experience and we myself felt it, what's the phase? Cleaned the ice with the subjects in our employ," Luna finished with a smile.
"Broke the ice, Sister, but I agree. The various sections of the staff seemed to be on more friendly terms with one another rather than just co-existence," Celestia agreed with a glint in her eyes.
"...Shall I plan out a reinvasion?" Discord offered with a smirk.
"So long as you don't try to inconvenience our staff or our duties, I don't see why not," Celestia agreed with a chuckle.
All of the non-immortals looked at the three with various expressions. Twilight was looking on in confused awe, with perhaps a tiny bit of uneasy or horror, whereas Spike actually looked impressed and admiring of Discord for the moment. Rarity kept her conspiring, knowing smirk as she pondered the story behind the behavior and interactions of these ancient beings. Applejack had a suspicious and slightly disapproving frown on her face while Pinkie Pie looked like she was itching to start clapping and dancing. Rainbow Dash, her wings finally settling down some, looked curiously between Discord and the Alicorns several times. Fluttershy just smiled happily, a bit of awe and knowingness in her eyes as she saw that Discord might have been wrong: She might have not been his first friend after all. He might have just never realized it- after all, how could he know he had something he didn't understand the concept of?
"Well, now that we've had that taken care of, I think we should get to the heart of the matter, Discord?" Celestia requested with a smile, "And no mock offering of your still beating heart."
"How is it a mock offering if it is a still beating heart?" Discord asked, claw already phasing into his chest. The others idly noted that Fluttershy wasn't the least bit concerned by this.
"Besides the issue of thee possessing three?" Luna countered with a raised eyebrow, "The action has little weight when ye can survive in the absence of any such precious organs more than long enough to replace each and every one."
"True," Discord relented as he pulled his empty talons out, "I suppose I should start with the beginning, as boring and cliché as that is, but to save you all some trouble, I must drag up some old wounds," Discord said evenly as he looked directly at Luna, who settled into a neutral frown, as if sensing his intent, "Luna, what do you remember about your time sealed in the moon?" Discord asked bluntly.
Most of the others looked shocked and appalled by the question, while Celestia hummed thoughtfully. Luna didn't react at all, "Hardly a clear thing. We had few days of consciousness each year where we explored our Moon before drifting back into slumber, and we recall walking through dreams and nightmares on occasion. Most of the ages were spent in our own mind, be they memories or dreams," She elaborated, scowling lightly, "Twas not the case for you, was it, Discord?" She asked knowingly.
"No, I was complete aware of everything," Discord confirmed with a lazy shrug, an awkward silence falling over the rest.
"We suspected as much," Celestia admitted with a sigh, "I had hoped that the sleeping spell gave you some relief."
Discord grinned at that, "Oh, but I'm very thankful that it didn't," He retorted, getting confused and curious looks, "You see ladies, and my fellow draconic, you didn't actually turn me to stone."
"They didn't?" Twilight perked up in surprise, "We didn't?"
Discord chuckled as he held up his lion paw, two identical mini-statues of himself made of Chocolate floating above it, "Not the way you think, at least," He answered cryptically, letting one statue drop, crumbing into many pieces of solid chocolate, "That's what you were all imagining, but in reality...," He continued, dropping the other state, revealing its hollow nature, "It was more like that."
"...I don't get it," Rainbow said with scrunched eyebrows, "Anyone get it?" She asked, looking to her fellow mares. Pinkie Pie was stealthily eating the broken bits of chocolate, Rarity and Applejack looked as confused as her, Fluttershy seemed to just be waiting for the answer she knew they would eventually get, Twilight was still mulling it over, and...the Princesses looked a bit shocked, "Princesses?"
"You were merely incased in a layer of stone you and your powers could not escape from," Celestia deduced, trying to process the implications.
"I fear we don't follow, your highness," Rarity spoke up, "How is that a better alternative than what we had already believed?"
Twilight's eyes dilated in understanding as she halfway climbed onto the table, pointing a hoof at Discord, "You shrunk!" she exclaimed in amazement, her mind running rapidly through all kinds of theories about what this ultimately lead to, "And what you lost were things you made and got attached to during your imprisonment!" She summarized, blinking and turning sheepish when she saw all eyes were on her. Celestia and Luna shared a fond laugh, the former patting Twilight comfortingly on the back with her wing.
Discord just pouted at that, "Way to ruin my fun, Sparkles, but yes, that is the short of it,"" He admitted in disappointment, "And I had a whole bit planned to explain what I did for the first decade or so."
"Discord, that really isn't necessary," Twilight assured, offering him the first smile she had given him...probably ever, "I can only imagine how sentimental and personal the things you made over the thousand years must be," She said in understanding, Discord looking at her in surprise.
"Really, Darling, if you had simply said so, you could have avoided this talk," Rarity assured before smirking, "Though, I suspect you may have purposely ignored that for a chance to keep the Princesses in their rather dashing and beautiful armor," Rarity added on with a bit of teasing.
"Now what, exactly, would you be implying, Rarity?" Celestia asked with a small, humored smile.
"Just that Rainbow, obviously, isn't the only one in the room enjoying this look for you and your sister, Princess," Rarity answered, smiling mysteriously, getting a glare from said pegasus for the inclusion.
"See! If you ponies bothered to relax a bit more, we could all get along," Discord said with a grin.
"Kind of hard to do that after what you did when you escaped," Twilight pointed out awkwardly, a sentiment shared by everyone except Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and the Princesses. Fluttershy just sighed while Pinkie's smile wavered a bit and the Princesses had the briefest of grimaces.
"And Eternal Night doesn't warrant suspicion?" Discord countered, pointing to Luna.
"Hey! Don't bad mouth the Princesses," Rainbow warned with a glare.
"Please, I was bad mouthing them LONG before they were princesses," Discord dismissed with an eye roll.
"Discord, that was different and you know it," Twilight said with a scowl.
"No, actually, I don't," Discord countered with a smirk before turning to the stoic Luna, "But perhaps that's for another time," he decided with a shrug, getting a tiny nod from the Lunar Princess and an open one from the Solar Princess.
"While I agree with ya'll, mostly, there's still one thing bothering me," Applejack spoke up with a raised eyebrow at Discord, "Before the princesses arrived, ya told Pinkie Pie that it was about millions of lives, or something like that?" She asked suspiciously.
That got the immediate and sharp attention of the Alicorns while Twilight gasped in memory, "Oh my bucking gosh, I forgot about that between everything else!" Twilight realized in shock and worry before blinking, "Wait, was that just an exaggeration?" She asked, knowing ponies did that at times with stuff important to them, and she imagined it was even more so with Discord.
"...No, it was actually completely factual," Discord answered with a hum, snapping his finger to clean the mares and table off in an instant, the draw-string bag reappearing in his hand. Everyone watched with rapid attention, Rainbow almost slipping off her chair, as Discord put his talons into the bag and started to rummage through it. After a few seconds, he slowly pull out what Spike had thought was a marble.
"If We didn't know better, we might suspect it to be a star of some sort," Luna idly noted, looking at the orb with interest.
"What you see is nothing more than a field of raw, solid magic meant to keep the inside separated from the rest of the world," Discord said with a disturbing amount of seriousness, making Pinkie Pie and Spike gulp nervously, "It's resistant to most forms of, shall we say, refined magic. The only two things that might breach the field, even unintentionally, is Alicorn magic or anything of a similar nature, or chaos magic. And as one of the rare ponies of chaos, I didn't want Pinkie Pie to touch this little thing," He explained gravely.
"Pink's a chaos pony?" Rainbow asked with a raised eyebrow, "I didn't even know that was a thing."
"It wasn't obvious?" Luna asked, honestly looking surprised that her subjects weren't aware of their friend's nature.
"But...wouldn't you be able to do that too?" Twilight asked thoughtfully to Discord.
"Discord has long since proven his mastery over his own magic to the point of demonstrating that trying to use his own attacks and abilities against him are completely ineffective," Celestia answered evenly, still staring at Discord.
"That something he created is impervious to anything on his part but an intentional action is not surprising," Luna added in the same tone.
"I'd say 'don't be so grim,' but I'm hardly one to talk at the moment," Discord mused with a scowl. The six ponies and one dragon, looked uneasy before the immortals again, feeling the ancient warriors speaking back out of their shells.
"What exactly have you done, Discord?" Celestia asked, eyes narrowed in suspicion.
"It's simpler to just show you," Discord answered, dropping the orb without warning. Everyone gasped as it shattered into millions of tiny pieces, a blinding light washing over all of them.
Author's Note
Well, there's the opening bit to Discord's world. No actually world this time, but I hope you all enjoyed this: From Rainbow's Wingboner, to the Alicorn Armor, to the Flirting between the sister and Discord. Next chapter we'll probably see more than one world.
Anyway, yes, Discord has a complicated relationship with the Princesses, and misses the days when they wore that armor more often. More about that will be revealed as things go on. He also has his serious moments, but I played this straight by it alarming everyone to high heaven when it happened.
Yes, I do take suggestions for worlds. Not because I have a shortage of ideas, but because there's always room for more in this type of fic. Just tell me what the primary feature or the setting you want for the world.
