Princess Not In This Castle
Cleaning day. Button Mash hated cleaning day.
Granted, his Gamestation 4 required proper ventilation lest it melted into metal goo but cleaning the space around it took a mere few seconds. Just toss the empty cup to one corner and a blanket to the other without a care in the world. Problem solved!
At least until it was time to pay the piper. That day was today.
Already, his mom dropped off those pesky black garbage bag rolls, extra hefty, by the door. The least she could’ve done was to bring him a peanut butter sandwich and a glass of milk, like she had been doing ever since he was a colt playing the original Haytendo system. That said, there could be some unopened bag of chips and lukewarm juice boxes hidden within the mess of once worn clothes and C graded papers in this room. If he’s lucky, he’ll find a slice of cake that went missing three days ago.
“Button Mash!” A voice tumbled over the mountain of gaming magazines by his bed. “I don’t hear any cleaning up there!”
No point in continuing his gaming session. That distraction got his character filled with bullets just before the save point. Figures. “All right, mom! Geez!” He tossed his controller aside and reached for the bag, “Always on my case! I mean, I pay rent to stay here, don’t I?”
“That doesn’t include room service! Get to work!”
Once he turned off his console, he realized the gravity of the task ahead of him. There was a window in this room but all those boxes full of who-knows-what had kept him in the dark (literally) for months. He should’ve had that recycling group that went around town last month come inside to pick up every empty soda can on the floor, some of them crushed by his own hooves. If that wasn’t enough, there was a big closet to clean but he’d first have to get past that chair impersonating as a rack.
“This is going to take all day,” he bemoaned as he grabbed a sheet a paper and tossed it inside without a second look. “Wish I could get Princess Celestia to declare this a disaster area so the Royal Guard can help me.”
Thanks to a towel sliding over his alarm clock, he couldn’t keep track of how many new tombs he could’ve raided or whether he could’ve beaten a lap record or two. His best progress indicator was the number of full bags he had just outside his door. Some had a pungent smell that made the town dump seem like a flower garden while others seeped alien liquid. If that didn’t test his resolve, all the manual labor did.
“And I thought the final boss from Call of Pony two was hard,” he grumbled, pushing a red couch away from the wall. “When I get done, I’m going to… whoa!”
His eyes widened. Treasure in the form of a gray box! If there was one exception to disregard for order within these four walls, it was his precious video games. He alphabetized every disc inside a nylon organizer and did the same for his cartridges within several boxes. Even his old consoles received special treatment, each one carefully stowed inside its original packaging in case he had the urge for some classic gaming. To have even one game all by its lonesome among this trash was a serious offense but there had to be a good reason. There just had to be.
He picked up the cartridge and made room on the couch to sit. “It’s, ah, dammit.” The cover art said it all – a pony with a sword chasing after a princess. This game, it just had to be the one he tried to forget.
For starters, Equestria Tales was something he’d never buy with his allowance. Adventure was never his favorite genre, especially when the main storyline included romantic elements. Alas, his parents thought this was an appropriate birthday gift rather than his choice at the time, Revenge of Buckmaker. However, even a bad game was technically a bona fide video game and so into the box it went along with the others. After all, it could’ve been worth something someday and, therefore, something he could trade for something better. While he wasn’t fond of the concept, Button Mash had to make tough sacrifices from time to time.
What he didn’t expect that he would actually play it. Not once. Again, this was far from his first choice to slide into his Haytendo. Somepony else might try it out, though, but definitely not one of his regular gaming friends. Realistically, a filly might give it a chance, specifically the owner of a strand of white hair stuck within the cartridge itself.
“Sweetie Belle,” Button Mash uttered.
Back when he attended Miss Cherilee’s class, he had his fair share of filly partners for assignments. With Twist, half the battle was trying to comprehend what she was trying to tell him. Even with energy juice, working with Zipporwhill drained his batteries. Just thinking about the one time dealing with Diamond Tiara gave him a throbbing headache even today. Whatever the case, he didn’t want any filly to enter his domain. Whether it was at their place or downstairs in the living room, Button Mash wasn’t letting girls inside his gaming cathedral. They wouldn’t understand. They couldn’t. Not even in the slightest.
Then one day, Sweetie Belle strolled right into his room. Without permission. Under the excuse that she had too much juice. Bathroom break his flank.
She was a curious one, all right, tempted by his insistence not to enter his room. Once she did, there was nothing he could do other than cringe. What would she think? What would she say? How can he keep this a secret from his gaming buddies?
“Oh, wow,” Sweetie Belle, exclaimed as she ran toward the Haytendo. “Can I play?”
A good start as any, he thought, so he presented her his entire library. In that time, his limited funds meant that he only had the very best. Even a blind pony could pick any one game and it would be a great selection.
That game. She just had to pick that game.
No matter the sales pitch, Sweetie Belle wanted Equestria Tales. Not Cloud City Ransom, Buckout or Excite Cart but that one game with the uninviting cover art. Fair enough. If his words failed to persuade, she’d have to learn the hard way. He flipped on the game console and waited until she figured the error of her ways, that this game lacked any entertainment value and she should switch it out for another. Bide his time, yes, that was the perfect plan.
Instead, she was the one that changed his mind.
While she showed her newbie colors with the way she mashed the buttons on the controller, Sweetie Belle hoof pumped for every hard-earned victory, gasped at the suspenseful dialogue she read aloud and muttered unpleasantries when she realized she had to backtrack for a key. Yes, the ultimate objective was to save a princess but in order to do so, the virtual hero had to face house-sized goblins that killed with one stomp, fire breathing dragons that made armor as effective as holding up a piece of paper and quirky puzzles that required fast thinking before a spike ceiling cut the adventure short. Admittedly, the graphics were far from the best and the mechanics were partly to blame for her struggles but her passion, that determination to beat this game opened his eyes.
“Arggggg!” Sweetie Belle fell back onto the floor. “This is so hard! I was this close to… oh, sorry. I wasn’t too loud, was I?”
He laughed. He just had to. This filly was just like him, except white and with curly hair. “You know. I think there’s a two player mode. How about I help?”
“Really,” she responded in her trademark squeaky voice. “Oh, wait. We haven’t finished our assignment yet.”
“Who cares? We’ve got the whole weekend to worry about that!” He plugged in another pad. “We have a princess to save!”
To this day, he can’t recall what grade they got for that assignment or even if they finished it at all. What he can remember is the development of a partnership to achieve an ultimate goal, starting at five o’clock every afternoon until Rarity knocked on the front door at an all too early eight-thirty, complaining that Sweetie Belle needed her beauty rest. For a game that seemed too childish on the outside, this was the first one ever in which Button believed buying the strategy guide was worth the bits — if there was one available. Alas, they labored through an endless amount of levels, the difficulty ratcheting up to new planes of ridiculousness. If it wasn’t pesky bat ponies knocking them off platforms, it was too-precise magic rays from the cloaked unicorns or the price gouging from the in-game merchants for health replenishing oats.
Had anypony in Equestria even beaten this game?
After three weeks, on a Sunday afternoon, the duo pummeled the final boss with a special magic spell. Once he faded into dust, a solitary wooden door appeared. At Button’s urging, he allowed Sweetie Belle’s character to open it.
“The princess,” she squealed. “Button, there she is! We did it!”
Congratulations were in order but he wasn’t expecting such a tight glomp, or the subsequent heart skip. How soft was her coat, how lush was her hair and those eyes, they entranced him far more than the spy photo of the next-generation console in the latest edition of his gaming magazine. Victory was never this warm, this joyous and so worth the effort.
“So, what now,” she asked as she gave him some personal room.
Start another game; it was such an obvious answer. Yet he had trouble getting the words out. His tongue had developed a twist that wasn’t there before. “There’s some other co-op games we could try like… but w–we don’t have to do that. We could, um, do something you want to do?”
Where did that last statement come from? Video games were his life. He didn’t do much else with anypony, especially a filly. Thankfully, she was in the mood for co-op after all. Bullet dodged.
At the time, he couldn’t begin to comprehend the nascent emotions swirling inside of him. How could he? He wasn’t quite at that age when his body and certain perceptions about life in general started their dramatic transformations. Yet spending more time with Sweetie Belle must have triggered it early. Yes, she was a great gaming partner but what was his favorite activity in the world became more an excuse to spend more time with her.
He then found other ways to enjoy his time with Sweetie Belle: going out for ice cream, going down the slides or even just taking a walk by the park. When Ponyville opened its newest arcade, they were one of their first visitors and one of the last to leave at closing time. Any time Button Mash could select his partner for a school assignment, Sweetie Belle was always his top choice. Through association, he took part in some Cutie Mark Crusader escapades and continued being part of their adventures after earning their marks.
In short order, that filly turned from bargain bin educational game to mint condition limited edition copy. It finally dawned on him how much he cherished her on a Hearts Warming Day when the school hosted an impromptu dance. Cherilee dubbed it a prom between friends as a demonstration that you didn’t need a true love to enjoy the holiday. What a contrivance!
“Do you want to dance with me,” Sweetie Belle said to him, offering her hoof.
Tha-thump! Somepony had set the heater in this classroom too high. “Whoa, now. Um, me?”
“Duh, you!” She giggled. “You heard Miss Cherilee. It’s not like I have cooties or anything. We’re friends, aren’t we?”
Was she ever so wrong. In the span of two minutes, Sweetie Belle danced into his heart and stayed there, long after the real pony finished the routine with a bow.
Nothing was the same after that. Anytime he picked up her refreshing lilac scent, the world around him shone a spotlight over the white angel donning curls. Whenever she spoke to him, it was the most beautiful sound he heard, more so than the startup music on his console. If he could take every game he ever owned and trade it in for her affection, he would’ve done it in a heartbeat. If not that, exchange his collection for some courage to ask for the truth. Did she feel something for him? If not, could it happen someday down the road when she was ready to be his gaming princess?
He never got the chance, thanks to him.
Similar to the midpoint plot twist in Equestria Tales, a villain waltzed right into school and snatched away the fair mare from his grasp. He didn’t even have to do anything other than brush his long flowing mane aside and charm Sweetie Belle with his pristine smile. It was as if he had the cheat code to take him from the first level to the final dungeon and give him the ultimate weapon to boot. This wasn’t fair, it just wasn’t. She fell into his arms and rode into the sunset for their “happily ever after” ending while he arrived a second too late, his inventory depleted and with the slimmest of health remaining. This newcomer accomplished in minutes what he couldn’t over months, years even.
Button Mash lost in the game of love.
If it had been just a game, he could’ve slammed his controller on the floor and shout some curses before trying his luck one more time. Real life, however, had no continues, no extra lives or a reset button. He couldn’t accept that reality. No way. He always found a way to win, always. Maybe a love letter will do the trick or one of those sappy serenades while his love listened from the balcony. If he was really lucky, this supposed prince will turn out to be a jerk and he’ll have himself an opening to make everything right again. However, what little hope he clung onto vanished when he caught the two kissing behind the school grounds. It struck him right in the weak spot, taking his health down to zero.
It was worse than losing. This was the bad ending and there was no way to fix it.
He dragged his heavy body all the way home to his 2nd floor sanctuary. The moment he slammed his door shut, something caught his eye, Equestria Tales already inserted into his Haystation. Today was supposed to be their day to embark on their virtual journey through deep forests, treacherous mountains and dangerous oceans teeming with flesh eating piranhas. It had become a tradition between him and Sweetie Belle to try to beat their previous personal record of three hours, twenty-two minutes from start to finish. It wasn’t meant to be today, or maybe ever again.
Button Mash yanked the cartridge from the slot and with all his might, threw it against his bedroom wall. All it did was send the flames of anger down onto his chest where it set his most cherished memories ablaze, causing a searing pain that overwhelmed his senses. He collapsed onto the floor and drowned in his tears for what felt like days, if not weeks.
Sweetie Belle, according to his mother, came over a few times but he turned her away every single time. At school, he moved to the front of the classroom and placed his textbook in a way to block Sweetie Belle from his view. If she tried talking to him, he responded in mumbles or made up an excuse to keep her at a distance. Given how often she spent time with her new beau, however, he didn’t have to do much to avoid her. There were times that the mere sight of those two together meant having to excuse himself to the bathroom so he could sob in private. Slowly but surely, she drifted out of his life and amidst his heartbreak, tried forgetting everything related to her.
That included this cartridge, the one with a noticable dent on the side. All these years later, it triggered a pang from the deep wound that nopony could see. While he eventually returned to blasting zombies or saving the digital world from a power hungry emperor, it never could quite fill the gap Sweetie Belle left behind. After all, the emotions triggered by virtual mares faded the moment he pushed the power button. Good to look at but they were merely virtual code.
“Button Mash!” He heard somepony banging the floor beneath him. “What’s going on up there? Is something wrong? I don’t hear anything.”
“I’m taking a break, mom! Geez! This is going to take a while, you know?”
“All right! I was just worried if you had hurt yourself! Do you want me to make you something?”
He sighed. “Maybe later!”
With that out of the way, he looked around at what was an unfamiliar sight. If he wished, he could finally open the window and allow in some fresh afternoon air. A little more cleaning spray to remove the stains and his couch would be ready for use by his gaming friends. He also spotted that shirt from that one anime convention he attended that he believed was lost forever. If he worked another hour, he’ll be finished cleaning up much of his cluttered past.
“What am I going to do with this,” he asked himself as he leaned against the wall, cartridge on hoof. “It’s not worth anything but I don’t want to throw it away either. That’s totally against my code.”
In the end, there was only one thing he could do. Once he hung the last of his shirts inside his closet, he took a few items and stashed it inside his old backpack. He stopped by the kitchen for a quick meal before heading out the front door.
“I can do this,” he uttered, shielding his eyes from the setting sun.
After a few minutes of meandering around Ponyville, he found the road he was looking for and headed uphill. About halfway to the top, he stopped in front of an unassuming white house with purple shingles. Without even looking at the name on the mailbox, he knocked on the decorative door and waited. There was one face he wanted to see, one he didn’t. He crossed his hooves for the right one.
The head of a small colt peeked through the door. “Hello? Oh. Hiya, mister!”
Button Mash reeled back. “Whoa! Who are you little dude?”
“Dusty Belle! Please wait for your mom before--” Sweetie Belle swung the door wide open. “Button Mash? Oh my gosh! Is that you? I haven’t seen you since, when, the wedding?”
Why did she have to remind him? Then again, he was all the way in the back and couldn’t even get close to her. It could’ve been Princess Twilight on the alter and he would’ve never figured. “Yeah, um. That’s right. Hey, I can’t stay long but I wanted to drop off a gift for you.”
“A gift? Oh, that’s so sweet of you but… is that?”
Button Mash pulled out of his backpack the infamous game along with its supporting console. “Just thought that, um, in case you ever wanted to play it again and… this is actually the newer version of the original Haytendo. I was going to give you my original one but the ports are a little loose.”
“Oh, that’s all right! You’re so thoughtful, Button Mash!” She gave him an all too brief hug. “I’m way too rusty to play this anymore but I’m sure my son would love to try it out!”
“Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah! I mean, gotta teach the young ones how tough we had it with the old school stuff!”
Sweetie Belle snickered. “So true. Lots of long nights. So, um, do you want to join us for dinner? My husband wouldn’t mind having some company at the table.”
“That’s okay,” Button Mash replied, dropping the backpack on the porch and making a slow retreat toward the street. “Maybe another time. Got a lot of things to do. Bye!”
“Take care! Hope to see you again!”
He ran all the way to the bottom of the hill to a street sign where he leaned against the pole. The moon switched places with the sun and the lights around him turned a dim yellow. At any moment, he expected some random stranger play a melancholy tune on his saxophone but an old stallion playing something similar or a record player would have to do. A small part of him wanted to reopen the wound and release the tears once again.
There was no point. The princess he longed for was not in that castle up this hill. He wasn’t winning this game but maybe someday, he could start on the sequel and find the one meant for him. Therefore, Button Mash turned his head toward her house and waved.
“Goodbye, my princess.”
