I Need to Tell You Something.

by anonymousjedi

Rating: teen
Tags: Rarity, Human, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1789

On the night before Valentine's Day, Rarity nervously attempts to confess one of her deepest, most concealed secrets. Sobbing and panic attacks ensue

On the night before Valentine's Day, Rarity nervously attempts to confess one of her deepest, most concealed secrets. A nervous phonecall goes sour as she begins to have a panic attack, and Applejack attempts to console her.

*Not much romance happens, but there is some at the very end
*

Warning: this fic has structure around Rarity trying to calm down from a panic attack, and self harm and suicide are mentioned, along with coming out. If you have anxiety and are easily triggered by descriptions of anxiety/panic attacks, I would advise against reading this (for your own safety.) Please don't feel like you have to read if you know that this might make you uncomfortable!

Also, owing to the fact i spent probably a total of only 5 hours on this, I would appreciate any constructive criticism. And if you dislike it or feel like some actions might be out of character, feel free to respectfully tell me. I don't mind feedback as long as it's respectful and courteous. Thank you!
(Oh, and please feel free to inform me if I've misused the tags. I am pretty sure that I chose tags correctly, but I'm not perfect)

Published 2016-02-15 04:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-15 04:00:02 UTC

Chapter 1

11 PM, February 13

It was the day before Valentine’s Day, and Rarity, a seemingly desirable teenager, lay single, slumped on her bed, contemplating a text. The words “Hey. I need to tell you something.” lit up the girl’s face, her finger hesitantly hovering over the “Send” button.

On a nearby farm, a muscular blonde pony flopped onto her eagerly anticipated bed, about ready to fall asleep when she noticed a text. “Hey. I need to tell you something.” She pulled herself under the covers and unlocked her phone, answering her friend with “yeah sure. I’m all ears.”

Shifting uncomfortably in her silk pajamas, the purple-haired student nervously replied, “Well darling, as you may know, I often am entangled in an excessive amount of drama during this time of year… and… erm… can I call?”

Not moments after this text flashed onto AJ’s phone did the “Incoming Call” screen appear. The exhausted farmhand resignedly accepted the call and was instantly bombarded with:

“HELPIHAVEN’TTOLDANYONEELSEYETBUTI’MBECOMINGSUPERWORRIEDABOUTSOMETHINGANDINEEDTOTTALKTOYOUABOUTITPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE IT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGTOEVERYHAVEHAPPENEDTOME!”

“Woah woah woaaahhh there sugarcube,” AJ answered. “What exactly is it that y’all need my help with? And could ya not scream as much? Ah’m kinda tired.”

“Oh my goodness, I am terribly sorry,” Rarity tittered anxiously. “I just am a bit flustered at the moment, and I had no other friend to turn to! You wouldn’t mind letting me ramble on for a bit, would you?”

Noticing the slight whine in her friend’s voice, Applejack begrudgingly sat up, and with a twinge of annoyance, sighed, “Yeah sure. Go ahead.”

“Oh thank you darling.” Rarity breathed in relief. “I know that you have your own share of troubles at the moment, but owing to the fact that your otherworldly pony counterpart represents the Element of Honesty, I believe that you were the best person to turn to. I… erm…”

“You… what?” AJ slowly replied, slightly confused. “Y’all know you can tell me anythin’ right sugarcube?”

“Y-yes of course… It’s just… Gagh! I haven’t told anyone else this and frankly I’m TERRIFIED and Oh my goodness I should never have asked you to help!” Rarity began to panic, her voice shaking slightly while her heart rate increased in unease.

“Hey, hey, hey… Shh, shh, you’re fine Rares. Everythin’s gonna be fine. Just slowwww dowwwn and try to think through what you’re tryna say,” replied AJ in an attempt to comfort her anxious friend. “Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.”

Rarity slowly but shakily inhaled through the nose, exhaled through the mouth. Inhale, exhale. She closed her eyes and tried to calm down. Inhale. Exhale.

“Yes, of course darling. Just… Just let me become composed. A lady never panics,” Rarity answered to her comforting friend. “Quite frankly, I have handled this situation all too unsophisticatedly.” Adjusting herself in bed, the nervous teen accidentally shifted her sleeve up too far on her arm, briefly exposing the scars on her arm she had tried too long to conceal.

“I... I just… I can’t really… explain…” Rarity again began to panic, this time worse than normal. Hands shaking uncontrollably, rocking back and forth on the edge of her bed, vision blurring slightly, she began to lose control of her thoughts and could barely breathe as she dropped her phone onto her bed; her heart and breath rates were racing rapidly. She began to methodically rub her right thumb in circular motions against the scars running across her left forearm: a more severe nervous tic of hers.

Hearing the rapid breathing and panicked rocking of her friend, AJ slung herself out of bed and fumbled for her car keys. “Alright Ah’m driving over. You are NOT gonna have a panic attack alone. Even if it’s midnight.”

Still panicking, Rarity began to shakily sob while still rocking back and forth. She didn’t hear her friend’s reply at all and instead chastised herself: You are a lady, not a foolish child who is too jittery to breathe. Calm down! She once again attempted to slow her breath rate. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Inhale-

Suddenly, she heard knocks on her front door down the stairs from her room. “It’s me, Rares. Imma come in, alright?” she heard AJ holler from right outside the house

She mustn’t see me like this. Get yourself together, Rarity! she rebuked herself. Hearing AJ unlock the door, she hurriedly barricaded herself in her lavish bathroom, trying to find some way to keep her friend at bay.

“Oh, erm, thank you darling for coming over, but it was really unnecessary.” Rarity fretfully stammered. She turned on her faucet and splashed some cool water onto her face to try to mask her tear streaks. “I appreciate your gesture, but I can compose myself on my own, thank you.” She tried to hint that she wanted AJ to leave, but the stubborn farmhand ignored her as she hung up her jacket on a coatrack and stood outside the bathroom door.

“Rarity, Ah know you’re not okay. And that’s okay. Im just gonna stand outside this door until you wanna let me in, alright?” AJ gently responded. “I won’t leave you.”

“I, I am perfectly okay” Rarity hesitantly replied. Her lower lip began quivering again and her eyes started to well up again. She let out a quiet sob, but tried to hold back any more tears.

“Hey, hey, shh, you don’t need to cry. It’s alright. I’m here, just on the other side of the door.”

Rarity tentatively sat down on the cold marble tiles of her bathroom, legs crossed, back leaning against the door. She tried to sniff back tears as she nervously began tracing her scars again.

“There’s- I have… erm… Well I have a sort of problem, and I’ve been meaning to tell people, but I never really… well…” she trailed off, letting a few more sobs out as tears began to roll down her face, trailing tints of mascara and iridescent eye shadow in the stream as well.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Just start from the beginning.” AJ gently consoled her friend, as she too sat on the floor, back resting against the opposite door side.

Rarity sniffled again and brushed back some tears. Shakily, she began to explain, “As you obviously know, everyone has secrets. And some of those secrets are less severe or easier to share than others. I have this one secret that could be seen as… worse… than others, but I’ve been meaning to get it off my chest for a while. It’s caused… quite a number of problems.” She glanced again at her scarred arm. “I had hoped that I would be able to muster up the courage to tell… but—”

A dry sob interrupted her confession. AJ then softly whispered, “Hey. I think I might know what you’re talking about. Would you mind opening the door for me?”

Rarity unsteadily stood up and slowly unlocked it for her friend, trying to wipe off the streaky, makeup stained tears before Applejack could see. Before Rarity had even looked up, AJ had burst through the now ajar door and gripped Rarity in a tight, comforting hug.

“Hey. It’s alright.” AJ whispered to Rarity. “It’s alright, I got you.” She could feel the slight raises in Rarity’s forearm where razors had previously left their mark.

Gasping slightly, Rarity pulled back. “You weren’t supposed to find out,” she whispered. She hurriedly pulled her sleeve back down and turned away from her friend. “I should never have brought this up.”

“No no no, I’m here to help.” Applejack reached out for Rarity again, but hesitated. “Rarity… are you…”

“Yes.” She snapped back. “Yes, I have severe depression, yes, my anxiety has been getting worse, and YES I AM GAY. HAPPY NOW?” Rarity raised her voice to almost a yell, no longer trying to keep her sobs at bay. “I AM GAY AND I HAVE ALMOST KILLED MYSELF OVER THIS SO PLEASE,” she paused to catch her breath, “please go. Just go. I never should have told you. I never should have mentioned any of this.”

AJ started to reply, but Rarity shoved past her and stormed to her bed, trying to sate her tears with pillows. AJ cautiously sat on the edge of the bed, letting her friend sob into the bedding. “I’m not gonna leave yet, ya know.”

Rarity snarled back through her tears. “Why? WHY? You have a home to get to. Go! I’ll be fine. I mean,” she began to ramble to herself, “there was no reason for me to tell you anyway, right? Ha! Foolish Rarity, spilling her secrets at one AM on VALENTINE’S DAY! How pathetic.” She slumped back into her pillows, this time turning away from Applejack.

“Valentine’s Day, huh?” the blonde girl chuckled, scooting closer to Rarity on the bed. “And Ah thought you’d be all hyped about your frou frou romancey stuff, but I guess you’re single today, right”

Angrily, Rarity retorted, “Oh, BRILLIANT DEDUCTION Mr. Holmes! I have just confessed my most concealed secret, and you decide to derisively point out that yes, I AM SINGLE! Oh, and to make it worse, THE ONE PERSON WHO I WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE TO DATE IS SITTING HERE MAKING FUN OF ME FOR BEING SINGLE! POUR SALT OVER ALL MY WOUNDS, WHY DON’T YOU?”

“Erm, Rarity, did ya know what you just said,” AJ coughed, slightly grinning.

“Shit.” Rarity realized her mistake.

“And I thought a lady ain’t supposed to curse.” her friend smirked at her.

“Fuck you. And go. Just go. I never wanted to tell you this anyway!” She yelled, voice muffled by the pillows. “What difference would it have made anyway?” she whispered to herself, “The only thing that has changed is that you probably hate me now, but’s it’s perfectly alright. I despise myself as well.”

“Oh, it’s not like that,” AJ quickly replied, “As a matter of fact, I actually don’t hate you.”

“Hmph. And why is that? You seem to enjoy ridiculing me and inflicting pain.” Rarity glared, standing up. She pointed to the door and briskly stated, “I’d now like you to leave, if you wouldn’t mind. It’s fairly late and I’d prefer not to lose any more hours of sleep.”

“Alright, alright,” Applejack stood up and began to exit the room, but paused. “Oh and one more thing before I go—“

“What is it?” Rarity curtly interrupted.

Swiftly, AJ landed a peck on Rarity’s tear stained cheek. “Happy Valentines Day!” She then promptly raced down the stairs and into her car, leaving her friend dumbfounded in the doorway.

After she had finally gotten home and into her room, Applejack pulled out her phone to see a text from Rarity:

“You forgot your jacket.”