The F&#% Machine 5000

by Zyrah

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Romance, Fluttershy, Sex, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 2631

Rainbow Dash finds out what Pinkie Pie meant when she said Twilight had a bear problem. Oh but it is much better than a problem.

Rainbow Dash has made a full recovery from her incident at the mirror pool and she happens to think back to Pinkie Pie's comment on Twilight having a bear problem. When she asks Twilight about it, she gets a lot more than she bargained for.

But is that necessarily a bad thing?

Published 2016-03-19 14:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-19 14:40:01 UTC

Not So Much A Problem...

Author's Note

Remember that sequel I smelled after taking that massive shit? Yeah, turns out it was a sign.

But you know what? Why not a trilogy?

Not So Much A Problem...

Twilight and Rainbow Dash sit quietly on the floor, both of them reading the latest addition to the Daring Do series.

Rainbow Dash can finally walk again, her blue clam now having healed completely. Her heat is finally over and she thanks Celestia for that daily. Although she finds it odd how she will get letters from Celestia that read 'GET OUT OF MY HEAD!'

Rainbow Dash gets distracted from her reading pretty easily. The occasional flick of Twilight's tail sometimes being enough.

For a moment Rainbow Dash looks back on everything and how it led to her dating Princess Twilight Sparkle. The mirror pool, the empathy spell, Twilight saving her cunt from total annihilation.

Then she thinks back even further, like how she got to that point. Oh yeah, Rarity told her to fuck off and she went to Pinkie Pie's. She reflects on her conversation and realizes that she never did find out what Twilight's bear problem was.

Rainbow scoots over next to Twilight and calmly drapes her wing over her marefriend's back. Knowing well enough that Twilight won't look up until she is done with that paragraph, she patiently waits for her lover's attention.

Her reading face is so adorable, Rainbow Dash thinks to herself. The way her mane bounces when she turns the page, the way her tongue sticks out the corner of her muzzle when she is thinking. Rainbow loves everything about Twilight.

Twilight looks up from her book to look at Rainbow and flashes that adorable smile that only she can muster.

"Yes, Rainbow?" Twilight asks curiously, eager to find out what her fuck buddy wants.

"You know, I was thinking about a conversation I had with Pinkie Pie the night my little, uh...incident happened and I was wondering what Pinkie Pie meant when she said you had a bear problem," Rainbow Dash explains.

Twilight's cheeks feel like miniature erupting volcanoes while she tries to stutter up an answer. "Uh, I well...uhm," Twilight manages smoothly.

Rainbow perks up and says, "Hey if it's something that's embarrassing, you don't have to tell me." Rainbow Dash nuzzles Twilight's neck reassuringly.

"Well, we are dating," Twilight begins, closing her copy of the Daring Do book. Her blush has faded a little and she continues, "I'd have to show you."

"Well, let's go!" Rainbow says jumping up, eager to stretch her legs as they've been sitting here for what feels like forever (20 minutes).

They both leave Twilight's massive bedroom and into the hallway where they walk in silence. The only sound is the hooves clopping on the crystallized floor.

Twilight stops at the hallway closet about twenty feet from her bedroom door. She turns to face Rainbow Dash with a look of worry and asks, "Are you sure you want to see this?"

Rainbow Dash's mane turns into the same as Applejack's and using her best countryism voice she replies, "Sure as sugar, sugar cube!"

Twilight laughs a little as Rainbow's mane turns back to its usual flow. The mane reason that Twilight thought her marefriend's response was funny is because she got the 'bear problem' from Applejack.

"Okay, here goes nothing," Twilight says nervously and opens the closet door.

Only one item is to be beheld in the floor of the relatively small closet. It has a large gunk of metal that sits up about as tall as a pony and has a long thing that sticks out on the front of it. The contraption is painted and decorated and it looks exactly like a bear.

A bear with a long dong.

Rainbow stares at the bizarre machine and doesn't honestly know what to say. She stares for a bit longer, all to Twilight's embarrassment, the silence is a slaughter.

Rainbow finally speaks up with just a simple question. "A bear?"

"I wanted to know what it might feel like to get rutted by a bear. So, instead of going and banging a real bear like Fluttershy would, I just bought this and got a dildo that would be accurate to a bear's size," Twilight explains quickly, finishing with an awkward smile.

Rainbow just stares at the thing for a few more moments before asking, "Can I try it?"

Twilight gives a look of surprise and says, "you mean you're not-"

"Don't get me wrong, this thing is a work of insanity, but I can also imagine that..." Rainbow Dash closes her eyes and starts thinking about her getting it in the clopper from this machine. "Hmmmm, fuck," she says opening her eyes, her thoughts making her moister than an oyster.

"You wanna try it out?" Twilight asks nervously. "It really is something to behold."

"Oh yeah!"

It takes the aroused lovers only a few minutes to get the machine hooked up in Twilight's room. Once it's finished, they gaze over what they are about to do and how it will feel.

"So...who's first?" Rainbow asks, not hiding the eagerness in her voice in the slightest.

"Well, I use it all the time when you started walking and flying around again, so I think you should," Twilight says her ears starting to lean back as her face goes from confident to a little twinge of nervousness as she waits for her marefriend's response to these proceedings.

Rainbow gives her a glare but is quickly taken off the subject, deciding it isn't really a big deal. I couldn't be there to pleasure her so why shouldn't she be allowed to do that? Her expression softens at this thought and she walks over to the machine which is positioned perfectly over the couch.

"So how do you do this, Twilight?" Rainbow asks curiously.

"Well, I'll demonstrate I suppose," Twilight says, also not hiding her eagerness to get rutted by the best toy she ever had. Again.

She lines herself up, her now slightly wet marehood resting against the tip of the bear's long rod. She throws Rainbow a little remote that is wired to the machine and Rainbow catches it.

"So, turn the dial all the way down," Twilight says. Rainbow notices that there are five speeds on the machine and three buttons, one green and one red and a purple one that is slightly smaller in between. Rainbow Dash twists the knob, making a little sliding noise. It went from the setting 'Fuck You Senseless' to the setting 'Just Deflowered.'

Rainbow kind of chuckles at the names but pays them no mind as she is eager to get this show on the road. "So what now?"

Twilight replies simply, "press the green button."

Rainbow complies and presses down on the green button. The machine makes a whirring noise as it powers up and the dildoed end begins moving. Twilight gasps at the sudden amount of pleasure coursing through her body.

The long, well-lubed bear dildo machine inserts into Twilight's vagina and a very soft whimper and moan concoction escapes Twilight's muzzle. As it sinks itself ever deeper into Twilight's throbbing marehood, she moans, "Ahh, that's the spot."

Rainbow feels herself getting hard mentally and begins rubbing herself as she watches her marefriend get it on with the machine. After about a minute of it going at the slowest speed, slowly moving and out of Twilight's pussy, she barely gets her voice high enough above her ecstasy to say, "Ra-Rainbow Dash, turn i-it up."

Rainbow brought her hoof that had been massaging her clit up to the controls and turns the dial to the next level, leaving a hoofprint of mare fluids on the nob.

The machine doesn't waste time speeding up its thrusting and Twilight has no problem shouting it out for the rest of the castle to hear. Good thing Spike is out playing with the Crusaders, Rainbow thinks to herself.

Rainbow sets the remote down and goes back to fondling her marehood in quick sideways motions as she watches from an angle as Twilight gets a solid pounding.

A few more thrusts from the machine and Twilight isn't satisfied by the new speed. With a slight quiver she tells Rainbow, "Turn it up to the one past 'Oh, Daddy'."

Taking her hoof of her madehood once again she huffs and turns the dial over 'Oh Daddy' to 'Make Me Squirt'.

The speed shifts again and a low humming sound begins in the machine. The dildo itself start vibrating from base to head and Twilight cries out in ecstasy and throws her head back and moans again. The long dildo slides in and out of her soft walls, vibrating all the while.

Rainbow Dash asks, "Doesn't that hurt?"

With her voice vibrating along with the machine, Twilight replies, "It fits like a glove."

Rainbow decides to try something. She stands up and floats onto the couch. Laying down and opening her legs in front of Twilight, she says, "Lick me like your favorite lollipop."

Twilight now being exposed to Rainbow Dash's marehood, now wonders if the rainbow will be spicey like Pinkie said it was. Not giving it another thought, Twilight dives in like an Olympic swimmer and laps up every last drop her marehood produces.

Rainbow tenses at the sudden flop of tongue on clit but soon begins rubbing herself into it. Actions speak louder than moans, so she continues grinding Twilight's tongue like a skateboard.

Twilight moans into Rainbow's clit, the vibrations sending Rainbow nearly to the point of no return. Twilight stops for a moment. "Rai-Rainbow Das-ssh, turn it up!"

Rainbow sighs in disgust as Twilight stops but grabs the remote. She turns the dial up one more to the 'Subwoofer' setting. The dildo machine starts bobbing back and forth with random stopping points. It goes all the way in and all the way out, back in halfway, all the way out, all the way in, half way out and so on.

Twilight being the well-practiced dildo machine rodeo champion sticks it out, her moans becoming irregular along with her breathing. Rainbow gets tired of waiting for Twilight to willingly start playing with her food, so Rainbow reaches up and wraps a hoof around Twilight's head and face flops straight on Rainbow's clit.

Twilight half hollers half moans while her mouth is wrapped around Rainbow's clit causing Rainbow to buck forward, desperately trying to regain lost ground from her previous mountain climb to orgasm.

Twilight is still getting rammed by the machine and now struggling to breathe after Rainbow forced her to face-clit. Twilight keeps trying to stimulate herself and she is extremely close now that she has a dripping clipper in her face.

The very thought of this sends her over the edge as she splashes mare cum all over the fuck machine. She pants as her orgasm rides out but with Rainbow Dash in the way she isn't able to unmount the machine, causing her to have a second orgasm, her moans vibrating against Rainbow's love button.

This almost sends Rainbow Dash over the edge but Twilight stops right afterwards, desperately trying to get off of the machine. After making it off her head hangs low and she starts panting as if she just ran a marathon, her pussy and mind still coming down from the orgasm and fears of sitting down due to the sensitivity of her freshly pounded love hole.

Rainbow Dash, sighs in disappointment but quickly walks over to the machine that is still bobbing back and forth in the air.

She aligns herself with the machine and slowly backs up. The machine bobs into her slightly, back out and back in all the way.

"Sweet Celestial above," Rainbow Dash sighs in relief as her pussy gets irregularly pounded by the machine. Having a realization, she tells Twilight to turn the machine all the way up.

Twilight complies but barely. The machine just goes full speed ahead, pounding Rainbow Dash's pussy like a butcher. Rainbow tries to get her vision to focus on the remote but the pounding of the machine keeps her rocking back and forth. The she says, "Twilight, w-what do-es t-t-that purple-le button doOo?"

"I don't know," Twilight replies, composing herself back to her former elegance. "Wanna try it?"

Without hesitation, Rainbow shouts, "Yes!" She can feel herself getting closer and closer and this time, she would not get cut off. Edging just isn't her most favorite thing to do.

Twilight presses the purple button and two mechanical arms on the side of the machine come to life. They look just like a bear's arm would look and they rap around Rainbow Dash belly, making her yelp in surprise. Now the arms are crossed under her and she can't budge as the machine continuously pounds the living fuck out of her.

Rainbow Dash can't do anything except enjoy it. The bear paws are pushing her stomach in and Twilight can see the outline of the dildo while it's inside of Rainbow Dash.

The g-spot has been found. Rainbow Dash starts humping backwards immediately, stimulating the elusive spot and she squirts all over the fuck machine. Her juices are flying everywhere and Rainbow Dash is practically screaming. Her orgasms finally hits along with the g-spot stimulation causing the orgasm to be doubled.

Rainbow's entire body is shaking violently but not just from the machine. Her orgasms erupt like volcanoes through her, leaving Twilight only a little bit jealous.

The fun is over now. Rainbow Dash's orgies have subsided and now her PTSD of the night with doppelgangers kicks and her pussy starts to throb immediately. Not in pleasure but pain.

She squeals for Twilight to turn it off, practically begging and almost crying. Twilight searches desperately for the remote and eventually finds it. As soon as she presses the button, the screaming stops along with the machine.

Soft snores instead fill the room, Rainbow Dash having fallen asleep in the grasp of the bear and a $5 foot long dildo hilted in her extremely wet cunt.

Twilight giggles a little bit, thinking it funny that Rainbow Dash falls asleep so fast after orgasming and embraces her with her side. She presses the button and the bears paws retract. Rainbow would have fallen if Twilight had not been there for her to lean on. Twilight slowly guides her rear away from the dildo, the wet rubber making a pop noise as it exited her vagina.

Twilight then brings Rainbow to the couch and plops her down. Twilight lays down next to her, completely neglecting to clean up the mess that is the room.

Twilight droops a wing over Rainbow Dash and snuggles up next to her and falls asleep next to her lover with a sigh of content.

Bonus Chapter

The snorting can be heard from the ground, as if he is seeking attention. The tree rocks back and forth with each stroke, the animal bringing himself closer and closer to the edge.

"Harry! What the hell are you doing up there?!" Fluttershy's angry voice blasting through the limbs of the tree.

The bear jumps in surprise and falls down the tree hitting every branch on the way down before face planting the ground. He rolls over on his back, staring upwards at Twilight's castle and where he was previously sitting.

Fluttershy gets in his face. "I'm not good enough for you, Harry?! You got to go and watch Twilight and Rainbow get pounded because I'm not good enough?!"

Fluttershy grabs the bear by the ear and begins dragging him back to the cottage. "When we get home, guess what you're sucking?!" The bear gulps in fear and Fluttershy yells, "MY BALLS!"