On One Condition (edited)
Hello there. My name is Mark. I am 17, I have been stuck in Equestria for three months now for no good reason, and I have not had meat since I first came here. I thought that I would be fine, but guess what, I'm not. I NEED MEAT!!! This place is beautiful and all, but for the F@©# sake! I can't stand seeing so many animals around and not want to eat them. I was for sure that no one would care if Angel bunny went missing.
Pinkie Pie gave me a job at Sugarcube Corner sweeping the floors. It is difficult for an earth pony to stand on two legs, and move a broom at the same time, you know because of hooves, and no unicorns wanted to take the job. The pay is decent. I make six bits an hour. There sweets are good, but I absolutely love Pinkie's cupcakes. I don't know why. They just test so familiar somehow. One day I was in the middle of sweeping, the Cakes were out of town sending a MMM cake to the princess, and the store was closed so Pinkie could catch up on baking when she called me.
"Hey Mark can I talk to you for a second?" The party pony called from behind the counter. I walked up to her and a small smirk came on her face. "So you want to get some meat right?"
"H-How do you know about that!?" I started to panic a little. "Please don't tell anypony! Celestia would have my ass if she found out!.." Pinkie put her hoof to my mouth and silenced me.
"Calm down Mr. Scardypants. I don't plan on telling the princesses. I actually wanted to help you." She said in her bubbly manner. She removed her hoof from my face.
"You." She knodded. "Want...To help me?..." She knodded again.
"I know where you can get some meat, but you to promise me that you won't tell another soul...or else!" Her hair started to go straight. I better listen to her.
"As long as I can eat something other than plants and eggs I won't tell anypony." I said.
"Pinkie promise?" Her hair began to recurl.
"Cross my heart and hope to fly. Stick a cupcake in my eye." I moved my hands in the correct gestures. Her hair was completely back to normal.
"Good. Now step back." I did as instructed by the pink party pony. She placed her hoof on a red button that was on a remote control she pulled out of nowhere. The floor started to move till a staircase was visible.
"You would think I'd notice that by now." I joked. She told me to follow her down the stairs. When we made it to the bottom I couldn't make out what was in front of me.
"Hold on a second Mark. Let me find the light switch." Her hooves trotted on the cold concrete floor. "Ah, here it is." A lone florescent bulb lit in the middle of the small room. I finally got a good look at the walls. It looked like it was decorated with blood and guts. There was a banner with the words "Life's a Party" hanging on the back wall. In the center of the room stood a metal table with a pony with restaints.
"Pinkie...what is this?.." I asked.
"This is where you can get your meat you wanted so bad. What do you think?" She said in her cheery voice. What I said next must have surprised her, because I saw her jump a bit.
"What do I think? I think this is great!" I looked at the unconsions unicorn strapped down on the table. "When do we start?" She pulled up a small cart with a bunch of tools and hooks on top.
"Right now is good." She put a hack saw in my hand. "You can start by cutting off the horn. Then I will show you what to do next. I walked up to the unicorn mare. I recognized her as Banana Fluff. When she first saw me she called me a monster. I grined as I put the blade part of the saw to the base of her horn. As soon as I began to cut into the bone she shot awake. She tried to move, but her head was held in place as well as her hooves.
"What the hell!?" The yellow unicorn screamed in agony. "I knew you were a evil creature! Go back to the depths of Tarturas!" I continued to saw though her horn. It broke of with a 'crack' and landed on the table. Tears began to stream down her cheeks. I moved my head close to her ear.
"You can just whine like the little bitch you are." I said with a sly smile. "What's next Pinkie?" The pink pony had her mouth agape. She shook her head and smiled at me.
"Wow, your a natural. Next we are going to take a scalpel and remove the cutie-marks." She gave me the sergions tool.
"You're going to what!?" Banana Fluff belowed. I got an idea to keep her quiet.
"Hey Pink's. Do you have any gags or cloth?" I asked.
"Yeah I have some old rags you could use." She walked to her cart and searched for a minute. Banana Fluff keeps screaming and cursing at me and Pinkie Pie. "Here you go." She passes me the cloth and I try to shove it into the once was unicorn's mouth, but she bit me, so Pinkie helped me keep her mouth open.
"Hmmmmm!!!" Her muffeled screams could bearly be heard. Pinkie moved to Banana's left flank.
"Now Mark, be careful. Once you start cutting your victim will start to scearm more. It is best to just work through it." She instructed and began to drive the sergion's tool, carving into her yellow hide. Her screams became louder. I paid close attention to her movements, making sure to remember every detail. She finished curing and Banana Fluff's three diamond cutie-mark peeled off of her body. It hit the concrete with a 'plop'. "Okie dokie Louie Mark! Your turn." I moved to Banana Fluff's right flank. As soon as I broke the skin she jerked. The sudden movement caused me to cut staight trough the cutie-mark.
"Sorry Pinkie. I messed up..." I said with a frown.
"Oh. It is okay Mark. You get finished with cutting, and I'll get our play mate ready for the next part." As I finnished cutting, I saw that the party pony was injecting Banana Fluff with some kind of strange liquid.
"What is that?" I asked while pointing at the syringe. Pinkie Pie giggled.
"This is a numbing solution. It will make sure our little guest doesn't fall asleep on us while we are harvesting her organs." The party pony answered.
"Why do you want the organs?" I asked. "I thought we were just taking the leg muscle and ribs."
"The organs are my secret ingredient in my cupcakes. As for the rest of her, she's all yours." So that explains why I like her cupcakes so much. Pinkie waited a minute for the medicine to kick. Then she made a long incision from Banana's upper chest to her lower belly. I saw Banana's face go pale as she watched Pinkie Pie removed her organs, while saying some lame organ puns. I saw our play mate's eyes slowly close as her body went limp. Pinkie frowned and said. "Awww... Going so soon. Your no fun." Me and Pinkie collected the rest of the meat from Banana's lifeless body and we made our way back up the stairs.
"Hey Mark." Pinkie said getting my attention. "Why were you okay about doing that to her?" She asked while pulling the fresh batch of cupcakes and passing me one.
"Pinkie, when you live in a world where about 35% of your diet is meat, and you all of a sudden stop eating that part of your diet, you would go to extreme lengths to go back to your old ways." I said before taking a bit into my yellow and purple cupcake. "Mmmm.This is delicious!"
"Just wait till you try griffin meat!" Pinkie said with a sly grin.
"Can't wait."
Author's Note
I just got this story idea while I was working on How I Met Your Mothershy. I hope it was dark enough for you guys. Feed back is welcome.
Read on YouTube By Echo Batpone.
