Sunset Shimmer is FedUp!

by MythrilMoth

Rating: teen
Tags: Sunset Shimmer, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Pinkie Pie
Length: 3795

FedEx screws Sunset Shimmer over one time too many. Now, she's going to get even.

During her time in the human world, Sunset Shimmer has experienced many things.

Including, unfortunately, the frustration of having to deal with incompetent, negligent, or just plain rude package delivery service.

After putting up with one package delivery nightmare too many, Sunset Shimmer decides enough is enough.

Now, it's time to make a delivery of her own.

For Zef.

Published 2016-02-16 23:40:04 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-16 23:40:04 UTC

Tracking # I12CH0KE4B8CH

Author's Note

Ordinarily, I prefer not to use real-world companies, bands, movies, and so forth in Equestria Girls stories, because I maintain the setting of Equestria Girls is not Earth.

I'm making an exception in this case.

This story is dedicated to Zef, and everyone else who's ever suffered through this.

Tracking # I12CH0KE4B8CH

Wednesday, June 8 — 4:03pm

Sunset Shimmer sighed tiredly as she completed her fiftieth game of computer solitaire.

It was the perfect day to chill with her friends by the pool. The sky was clear, the weather wasn't terribly hot yet, summer vacation had just started, and she had a brand new swimsuit she would love to show off. It was the perfect day for a poolside picnic, for splashy games with Pinkie and Rainbow, for checking out the guys who were there to babe-watch. It was the perfect summer day to relax and unwind with her friends after the previous week's stress of exams.

But Sunset Shimmer wasn't at the pool with her friends. She wasn't having a picnic with her friends, or playing splashy water games. She certainly wasn't wearing her new swimsuit or being checked out by boys.

She was stuck at home, waiting for a package delivery. Her Surface had stopped working while she was studying for final exams, and since it was an older model anyway and she could finally afford a replacement, she'd broken down and ordered one online.

Heaving another sigh, she clicked on her web browser, pulling up the FedEx tracking page, and put in her tracking number.

She'd been checking it every five minutes for the past hour. After checking it every ten minutes for the previous two hours. After checking it every half hour before that. She'd been checking it over and over again since nine that morning. Every time she checked, it said "Out for Delivery". In her experience, that either meant it really was still on the truck, or it was sitting outside on the porch and the driver hadn't bothered to scan it. Or it was still at the depot. For all she knew, it never actually left Fillydelphia.

She sighed again. "If only I could use Paypal at the local stores," she muttered. Shaking her head, she started yet another game of solitaire. Just as the computer finished dealing the cards, Sunset heard a loud, solid *thump* against her front door.

She froze, irises contracting to pinpricks. Slowly, she stood up, crossed the living room to the front door, unlocked it, and opened it.

A box sat on the pebbled concrete of the second floor landing, halfway between her door and the wrought-iron balustrade that overlooked the courtyard of her apartment complex.

On the street, she saw a tan-skinned man with long red hair get into a FedEx van.

She frowned. It took three minutes to get from the street to her apartment door. A full minute hadn't passed since she'd heard the thump. She scooped up the package containing her tablet, then walked back inside, her heart hammering in her chest. The walk from the front door to her desk seemed to take forever, an eternity during which horrific memories played back over and over again in her mind...

Thursday, October 22 — 4:41pm

Sunset rubbed her arms against the chill as she jogged up the steps. It was colder than usual for October, despite having been warm that morning. She'd spent the afternoon helping her friends with Halloween decorations at school.

As she approached her door, she saw a large, flat white package sitting against the wall next to it. She beamed happily: Her Halloween costume had arrived! She was looking forward to dressing up and partying with her friends, and had come up with the perfect idea for a costume, but none of the local stores had exactly what she was looking for, so she'd ordered it off eBay.

She unlocked her door, then picked up the package and stepped inside. As she kicked off her boots and headed into the living room, she turned the box over in her hands. As the lights came on, her eyes caught something out of place.

The tape sealing the top of the box didn't seem right. She sat down on the sofa, studying the tape carefully. After a moment's scrutiny, she realized that the package had been cut open already, then hurriedly taped back up—the tape had been applied haphazardly, wasn't straight, and had creases and folds that indicated a rushed, sloppy job, like whenever Rainbow Dash tried to wrap a birthday present.

Frowning, Sunset cut open the second layer of tape, then opened the box. Inside, she found her costume—a high-cut, strapless black push-up bikini, a sheer black sarong, knee-high black leather boots, and a cape—all showing signs of having been crammed rather hurriedly back into the rumpled plastic bag they should have been sealed in, which had been crudely punctured and torn. As soon as she opened the taped-up bag, a nauseating smell emanated from it. She dropped it like a hot rock and covered her nose, her cheeks bulging. She stood and raced for the bathroom, kneeling over the toilet and gagging.

Ten minutes later, she wrapped the entire package up tightly in a garbage bag, carried it down to the dumpster, and threw it away. After scrubbing her hands clean, she called FedEx to complain, then sent an e-mail to the eBay seller. She knew there was no way she'd get her money back, and it was unlikely she could get her costume replaced—and couldn't really waste the money on another one.

In the end, she'd had to make do with an off-the-rack bikini from a mall outlet store, her old purple-and-black bitch boots, and a cape Rarity made from an old silk bedsheet she had lying around. It did the job, but the memory of what had happened to her wonderful and expensive costume ultimately ruined Halloween for her.

Wednesday, December 23 — 2:17pm

Sunset frowned at the FedEx tracker. She glanced out the window. Freezing rain was pouring down from a dark grey sky.

A collection of out-of-print books Sunset had ordered as a Hearth's Warming present for Princess Twilight was overdue. It should have arrived on Monday, but FedEx had left a "could not deliver" note on her door.

She'd been on the toilet when they arrived. At half past eight at night. After she'd been holding it in for six hours and couldn't hold it anymore.

Tuesday, she'd left a note on the door assuring whoever happened to pass that she was home, and to please be patient and wait for her to come to the door.

The FedEx driver never even showed up. When she called customer service late Tuesday evening, she was told that her package had actually been returned to the depot and had to be sorted again before delivery could be attempted.

Even though the tracker had said it was out for delivery.

Today, the package was absolutely supposed to be on its way to her door. She was waiting. She was ready.

On a whim, she opened the front door and took a look outside. She walked to the edge of the landing, heedless of the cold, stinging rain pelting her arms and legs.

She saw a pile of boxes strewn in the courtyard, rain soaking through the cardboard. Letting out a gasp, she grabbed her poncho, shoved on her boots, and ran downstairs, not even bothering to close or lock her front door. She dug feverishly through the pile of packages, while screaming at the top of her lungs for her neighbors to come outside if they were expecting a delivery. Doors opened all up and down the building, and neighbors shuffled out into the rain, wondering what all the noise was about.

Sunset finally found her package. The ink on the label was badly smudged, barely readable. The cardboard was soggy. Whimpering, she hugged it tightly to herself and raced back up to her apartment. Kicking off her boots and throwing off her poncho, she kicked the door closed behind her and numbly peeled open the sodden box.

Her whimpers turned into racking sobs as she beheld the mess inside.

The sender hadn't even thought to wrap the books in plastic just in case something like this happened. The precious out-of-print books—books it had taken her three weeks of exhaustive searching to even find—were thoroughly destroyed.

She cradled the ruined books to her chest and cried until she passed out. When she woke up, she had a fever of 101 degrees Fahrenheit. She ended up not being able to go to her friends' Christmas party.

The first thing Sunset noticed when she sat down was the big dent in the side of the box.

Sunset carefully slit the tape and opened the box. There was a single layer of bubble wrap protecting the box which, in turn, contained her tablet. This box was also slightly dented. She opened it and removed the inner packaging, then took out the tablet and inspected it.

The edge of the screen had come loose from the frame. As soon as she turned it over to check the back, the gap between the screen and tablet widened. She gingerly pushed it back into place, then plugged in the charger and tried to power up the tablet.

It refused to start.

Sunset slumped forward on her desk. "No," she whispered. "No, no, no. This can't be happening. Not again."

She stared at her brand new, apparently dead, tablet.

She turned to her desktop.

After the Christmas incident, Sunset had bought a small wireless surveillance camera and stuck it above her front door. Nobody would ever notice it unless they were looking for it, but its wide angle and high resolution gave her a fairly crisp view of not only the landing outside her apartment, but most of the courtyard and the street outside. She called up the latest video from the camera, seeking the past fifteen minutes, and watched intently.

On her computer screen, she saw the FedEx guy park the truck, grab a box out of the front, take six steps into the courtyard, cover his eyes against the glare of the sun, look straight at her door...

...then drop-kick her tablet over the balustrade. The camera caught the box sailing toward it in an arc, then disappearing beneath its view angle.

Sunset's eye twitched. "He...kicked it," she said tonelessly.

She looked at her dead tablet. It wouldn't even charge. The charge light wasn't even coming on.

"He...kicked it."

She backed the video up and watched again.

"That son of a bitch FUCKING KICKED IT."

She stood up so quickly her chair shot across the room, hitting the coffee table and flipping over, landing upside-down between the table and the sofa. Her chest heaved.

Her doorbell rang.

Her head whipped sharply around. Eyes burning with rage, she stalked over to the door, twisted the deadbolt so furiously the knob nearly snapped off, and yanked the door open violently.

Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash stood on the other side. Their smiles died when they saw her face. "H-hey, Sunset," Rainbow said.

"You okay?" Pinkie asked hesitantly.

Sunset glared at both of them. Then she turned and walked back inside. The two girls shared a nervous glance, then followed her in. "Whoa, what happened there?" Rainbow asked, noticing the overturned chair.

"Sunset Shimmer, what's wrong?" Pinkie asked.

Sunset didn't trust herself to speak. She gestured over to her desk. Pinkie walked over. "Oh hey, you got your new Surface!" she said. She tilted her head as she examined the tablet. "Uh, Sunset? It's not charging. Is something wrong with it?"

Sunset let out a sharp bark of laughter. She pointed at the screen of her desktop.

Pinkie leaned in, frowning. "What's this? This is...hey, this is outside!"

Rainbow walked over, peering over Pinkie's shoulder. "Is this a security camera?" She backed the video up, then let it play. The two girls watched the FedEx guy punt Sunset's package over the railing from the ground. Their jaws dropped.

They turned to Sunset. "...what the fuck?" Rainbow asked.

"It's broken," Sunset said numbly. "Every last cent I had, and that fucking asshole kicked it and broke it."

"Oh my God," Pinkie said, covering her face with her hands and moaning.

Rainbow frowned. "Have you called FedEx?"

"It just happened just now," Sunset said. "I haven't had time." She laughed bitterly. "Besides, calling FedEx didn't help when they ruined Twilight's books. Or my Halloween costume."

Pinkie pulled out her phone and copied the surveillance video onto it, then uploaded it to Youtube. Once she was done, she straightened up. "I think we need to go down to the FedEx depot," she said. "They need to see this."

"That's a good idea," Rainbow agreed, tightening a fist. "They can't ignore you if you get all up in their face about it."

Sunset's scowl twisted into a vicious sneer. "Yeah, that's what I need to do," she agreed. "Get in their face..."

Wednesday, June 8 — 4:42pm

Rainbow's car pulled up in front of the FedEx distribution center. The three girls got out, marching up to the building with a purpose. Bundled up in her arms, Sunset held the damaged package her tablet had arrived in, as well as all the contents, including the broken tablet.

They walked inside and stormed up to the service counter. A plump woman with a disaffected air looked up at them. "Can I help you?" she asked.

"I need to speak to whoever's in charge here," Sunset bit out.

The woman frowned at her. "What for?"

Scowling, Sunset thrust her package forward. "You see this? I paid a thousand dollars for this tablet. One of your drivers decided to use it as a football. It's destroyed."

The woman opened the box and pulled out the tablet, turning it over in her hands. "Looks fine to me," she said with a shrug. "Anyway, manager left."

"Fine? FINE?!" Sunset cried, throwing up her hands in disgust. "It won't turn on! It won't even charge!"

"Maybe you don't know how to use it."

"Or MAYBE it's busted because your delivery guy kicked it like a football," Pinkie said, thrusting her phone in the woman's face. The woman frowned, studying the screen. Her lips thinned and her eyebrows rose. Her eyes widened slightly.

At length, she sat back and sighed. "Okay, so it looks like our driver may have mishandled your package," she said.

"MAY?!" Sunset screamed.

"Possibly," the woman said. She looked Sunset in the eye. "What do you want me to do about it?"

"Oh, I don't know, CALL YOUR MANAGER? I'm out a thousand bucks here!" Sunset cried. "It's FedEx's fault! This isn't the first package one of your stupid drivers has destroyed! How do you even stay in business?"

The woman frowned. "Ma'am," she said, "screaming at me isn't helping. I don't have anything to do with customer service."

Sunset took a step back, her jaw falling. Rainbow and Pinkie looked up at the sign over the woman's head that said "CUSTOMER SERVICE".

Sunset sank to her knees. "Why?" she whispered. "What do you people have against me? Why is it every time I buy something and it gets shipped FedEx, it shows up destroyed?"

The woman shrugged. "I guess you just have bad luck," she said.

"Hey, FUCK YOU!" Rainbow snarled. "This is serious, lady! We've got evidence of a FedEx guy destroying a package here! You gotta work with us, or we'll—"

"Or you'll what?" the woman asked. "Look, kid...we lose stuff and break stuff all the time. We're the largest delivery company in the world. It happens. I'm sorry your stuff showed up broken, but there's not much I can do about it. You'll want to call our 800 number—"

"SCREW YOUR FUCKING 800 NUMBER!" Sunset shrieked. "They've never helped me ONCE!"

The woman shrugged. "I'm sorry."

"What's all the commotion out here?" a man's voice called. A door behind the woman opened, and a man in his early forties with a lined face and thinning hair walked out, frowning.

"Nothing," the woman said quickly. "Just a customer complaining about a package."

The man's frown deepened. "Miss? What seems to be the problem?"

"Are you the manager?" Sunset asked. Glancing at the woman at the desk, she added, "the one who already left for the day?"

The man raised an eyebrow, but nodded. "Yes, I'm the manager. What can I do for you?"

Sunset turned to Pinkie. Pinkie nodded, then held out her phone for the manager to inspect, replaying the video.

The manager stared at the video, his mouth working like a gulping fish. "What the hell?"

"See?" Sunset cried, throwing up her hands. "SOMEONE here gets it!" She slapped her palms on the counter. "This idiot broke a brand-new thousand dollar tablet! I demand you make this right!"

The manager stroked his chin thoughtfully. "I'm going to need your FedEx account information, your invoice, the order number from the place you bought the tablet from—"

Sunset drooped. "I don't have a FedEx account," she said.

The manager dropped his hand. "Then I'm sorry, you'll just have to call—"

"—the 800 number," Sunset finished with him. "You know, I'm really sick of you people and your stupid 800 number. I've had three packages ruined by your piece of shit drivers now, and not once has calling the 800 number ever helped. And did I mention the fact that I'm out a thousand bucks here and this asshole punted my package at my front door?"

"Yes, I saw the video miss, and I really do understand your frustration," the manager said. "But the fact is, we're a local drop and pickup. I don't have the authority to issue any kind of—"

"Hey, clocking out for the day!" a young, cheerful male voice called. A tan-skinned man with long red hair walked in, hands in his pockets. "Say, I'm glad you're still here, I wanted to know if I could have Friday off—"

"YOU!!" Sunset screeched.

All eyes turned to her. Her chest was heaving and her hands were clenched into tight fists as she glared with all the hate and fury in the world at the young driver.

He blinked, staring at her. "Huh?" he asked stupidly.

Rainbow Dash frowned, eyes narrowed. "Yeah, that's the douchebag," she said.

Beside her, Pinkie Pie folded her arms, scowling. "The douchiest and the baggiest."

The driver took a step back, eyes wide. "Uh...h-hey...what's goin' on here?"

The manager glared at him. "Lee, you're in a lot of trouble," he said. "This young lady has surveillance video of you kicking a package from the ground to her front door."

Lee blinked. "Wh-what? No! I would never do anything like—"

Pinkie shoved her phone in his face. "DON'T LIE!"

Lee swallowed nervously. "Umm. I...I can explain! I—"

"You wrecked Sunset's brand new tablet," Rainbow said dangerously. "It cost her a thousand bucks and you just drop-kicked it like a football."

"N-no, I...I..."

Sunset stalked forward and seized a fistful of his shirt, snarling in his face. "Don't try to weasel out of this, you little piece of shit," she hissed. "I may be out a thousand bucks I'll never see again, I might not have a brand new tablet I was looking forward to for days, but at least I have the satisfaction of having you at my mercy."

Lee gulped. "H-help," he whimpered.

The woman at the counter reached for the phone. "I'm calling the police," she said.

The manager held out a hand to stall her. "No," he said, a small, grim smile crossing his face. "I don't think we need the police."

"Sunset?" Rainbow asked. "What are you—"

With a roar of indescribable fury, Sunset jumped straight up, twisted around so that Lee was underneath her, and slammed him into the floor. She then stood up, hauling him to his knees, drew back a foot, and slammed a spinning kick into his chest. Lee wheezed out a panicked gurgle as he went flying back he way he'd come, spinning and skidding on the floor.

"We might need an ambulance though," the manager said. "Apparently one of our drivers had an accident with a broken garage door."

The woman at the desk looked at him with an 'are you kidding?' look. He returned fire with a 'do you want to be fired?' look. She quailed and made the call.

The manager turned to Sunset, who was still in a recovery pose from her violent kick. Her chest was heaving, she was breathing heavily, and her bangs were covering her eyes, leaving most of her face in shadow. "Miss?" he called. "If you'll give me a copy of that video, I'll forward it to the regional manager along with my incident report. I think we can make you whole."

Sunset stood up, straightened her shirt and her skirt, turned, and nodded once, smiling slightly. "Thank you," she said. "That's all I want. I'll e-mail you a copy of my order information." Once Sunset exchanged information with the manager, she turned to her friends. "Well, girls, I think we're done here. Wanna grab a burger?"

Numbly, Rainbow and Pinkie followed Sunset out of the FedEx building, eyes wide and wary.

Postscript — Friday, June 24

Sunset Shimmer lounged on a pool chair, wearing a bright red and orange bikini that showed the boys everything they needed to see. All around her, her friends were sunbathing, swimming, eating, laughing, and playing. She took a sip of her drink and went back to surfing the web on her brand new Surface Pro 4 as she soaked up the hot summer sun.

FedEx had not only replaced her tablet, they'd given her one that was twice as expensive as the one the driver, Gentle Lee, had destroyed.

After the video of Lee dropkicking Sunset's package went viral, a thousand similar customer complaints showed up online. Seventeen businesses, including the one Sunset had bought her tablet from, elected to drop FedEx as their shipping provider.

When Princess Twilight Sparkle learned of the incident, she had been somewhat displeased with Sunset's handling of it. Then Sunset had told her how much money the tablet had cost, and about how similar treatment of packages had destroyed some rare out-of-print books she'd intended to give the Princess as a Hearth's Warming gift.

Twilight promptly asked why Sunset didn't geld him.

Gentle Lee was released from the hospital on June 11. On June 13, he reported to the unemployment office.

He now lives in a van by the river.