Of Two Hearts
“Oh it’s the most wonderful time of the year
When the chocolate is melting
And treating this raccoon to
Nougaty cheer
It’s the most wonderful time of the year
There’ll be roses and boxes
With caramel filling near
Fondue pots out there for show
There’ll be scary love stories and
Sales for the glories of chocolates from
Long, long ago”
With a youthful bounce, Colin sprang from branch to branch, exposing the town of Ponyville to his song. Screeching birds and leaves scattered in his wake. As he leaped to the next branch, he fell past it, grabbing hold at the last moment as he swung in a complete circle before releasing. Two perfectly executed back flips later, he landed on his feet, arched his back, and threw his arms into the air. He squinted as he scanned the path in search of the house that belonged to him and the rest of the Matthews family. Upon finding it, he skipped onward, continuing his song as he went.
“It’s the most wonderful time of the year
There’ll be too much romancing
But tongues will be dancing
When candies are near
It’s the most wonderful time of the year”
As he reached his climax, Colin fell to his knees, eyes closing to be one with the final note, which lasted far longer than anyone cared to experience. Had it not been for a sharp poke in the ribs, “year” may have carried through into nightfall. When he opened his eyes, Colin saw a short, black and white face staring down at him; the eyes appeared to have recessed and were crossed with streaks of red.
Colin hopped to his feet to meet the eyes. He hadn’t even realized that he’d woken up Erik, though this had originally been his intention, thus provoking the skunk to investigate. “Why, it’s just the skunk I was wanting to see!”
Erik looked away momentarily, hugging himself as he shivered from the winter air. “Colin, could you keep it down? Some of us are trying to sleep. Why are you so happy?” He paused, taking a step backward and holding up his paws as though he were expecting to be scolded. “I mean, that’s okay that you’re happy. But you’re . . . you’re singing, and it’s terrible.” He held his ears and winced to drive the point home after a few sharp gestures.
Colin licked his lips. “Look what I found!” He held up a red, foil wrapper. It shone and sparkled from the rays of sunlight peering through the canopy of trees.
After sniffing it a few times and letting his weary eyes take in the hypnotic shining, Erik scratched at his chin as he thought aloud. “Why, it appears to be a red, foil wrapper that once held some kind of sugary treat.”
“Correct!”
“Well, it is shiny, but otherwise I see nothing special about it. How is it any different from everything else you’ve found? Why is it worth waking everyone? I’d rather listen to a college professor explain the history of docile fungus than listen to your out-of-tune warbling. Sweet Celestia, Colin!”
“Because it’s time for Hearts and Hooves Day!” Colin replied matter-of-factly, ignoring the jab at his musicianship. “It’s another exciting holiday!”
Erik’s ears twitched as he continued to rub his chin. “Oh, like the Cup?” he asked, gently quirking his brow.
“No, this is much better, unless you like pizza and beer. This holiday is a celebration of chocolate!” As he emphasized the final word, his teeth flashed and his eyes widened.
“Well, I do kind of like pi–”
“Hush!” Colin interrupted, covering Erik’s muzzle to speak. “Let me explain.” His excitement grew until saliva splattered on the grass below their feet. “Hearts and Hooves Day is the time of year when all of the stores are covered in red, but not of blood, simply the red of love. And while I know not much of this, I do know that for ponies to express love they must buy each other mountains of chocolate, often in heart-shaped boxes, and along with cards full of romantic messages that they didn’t write. And did I mention the chocolate? It’s everywhere! Why, this is the second best day for it next to Nightmare Night! Nightmare Night, my easily troubled friend! Think about the candy! The candy, dude! You get that without the scary!
“Well, I do like those pastel round ones that come in the roll–”
“Sour Tots,” Colin answered with a knowing smirk.
“And the chocolate with the peanuts and the gooey sticky stuff–”
“Chuckle Buddies.”
“Oh.” Erik tapped his knuckles together as his tail began to swish. “And I’m quite fond of the orange flavored things that make your tongue tingle.”
“Yep, Citrus Fizzers,” he replied with a snap. “There will be all of that and more, and I’m going tonight to help myself before the others get it all. In fact,” he hopped to Erik’s side and placed a black paw on the skunk’s shoulder before leaping to Erik’s left side, “I want you to get out of your fuzzy shell and come along with me. We can gorge ourselves until we explode! Can you picture it?” He placed a warm paw on Erik’s shoulder, spreading the other across an imaginary painting.
Erik felt his legs wobble. “Explode? I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”
“Oh, it’s just a figure of speech,” Colin said. “Come on, have I ever asked you to do anything that wasn’t the most fun you’ve ever had?”
Erik began to count on his fingers, his tail beating the air. “There was that time you got us gassed and caged, and then that time we got captured by scientists. What else? We were almost eaten by a dog and a psychotic bear, run over by a pizza truck, locked in a freezer–”
“And despite all of that, you had fun, didn’t you?” Colin said.
After a tense moment, a smile found its way onto Erik’s face. “Yeah,” he said with a weak laugh.
“Exactly! Think of how boring your life would be without me! If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that life is more fun with friends. I’d rather you come with me than have to go alone, and we never get to do anything together. It’s always Marshmallow or Mom or someone else. So, what do you say? Are we a team?”
“You really want me to go?”
“I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
Erik couldn’t hide his smile. “Then consider us a team,” he said, thrusting his paw outward to shake. “So, Colin, what store do you plan to visit? Walmare Supercenter has everything.”
“No, they’re always open,” Colin said as he casually accepted the shake. “Bad idea. We’d never get in without being seen.”
“Kmare?”
“Better! Nopony shops there. We’ll be safe. Come on!”
With a hearty tug on Erik’s arm, they dashed off.
As the day began to drift into night, they took a moment to find transportation as every store was too far to make walking practical.
Erik eyed a three-wheeler in a yard. While gesturing to it, Colin merely grunted, insisting that it was too colorful and they would look silly pedaling it, especially with the handlebar streamers flapping in the wind. Eventually, they came across an motorized scooter that resembled a skateboard with handlebars. “Perfect,” they said together.
They rested behind a pair of tin trashcans while waiting for an opportunity to grab it. The scooter had been left on the lawn, but a stallion and his colt were near it, kicking a soccer ball only a few feet apart. The young pony could not kick very far, even with the exaggerated wind up and straining that accompanied each kick. The colt’s father continued to say that he was going to be a star striker one day. Maybe so, Colin thought, in a daydream. After much gasping for air, a pony delivering a pizza started towards them, and as the deliverypony approached, the young colt whooped. He and his father hurried inside with their prey.
Just before, Colin had to swallow the urge to run after the pizza, as did Erik. He heard his stomach growling once the scents reached his nostrils: cheese, tomato sauce, garlic crust, olives, peppers, pineapple, and mushrooms. Clearing his throat, he motioned to be followed, and then hurried to the scooter once the door had slammed. Much to his relief nopony else was around to see them.
“How will we do this?” Erik whispered, straddling as close to Colin as he could.
“I’ll steer,” Colin said while bringing the scooter upright. “You turn it on–these things have switches on the back–and then hold onto me so you don’t fall.”
Erik nodded after taking a moment to picture the scene in his head. He searched the rear until he found a box that contained the motor, and finally an on/off switch. “How do little ponies ever manage to fit on impossibly tiny toys such as this?” he asked as he flicked the switch.
The motor began to hum and whir, vibrating their ride.
“That, my friend, is one of the many great mysteries of the universe,” Colin said as he stood as tall as he could and climbed on, gripping the handlebars. Under his right paw was a switch that had the same effect as bringing a car into drive. He looked over his shoulder at Erik, who had a confused look on his face while he fiddled with his paws. “I’m ready when you are.”
“Um, hold on where?”
“Anywhere that works,” Colin said, giving Erik a sly smile. “Just get a good grip.” He stopped and faced forward again until he felt Erik’s paws brush up against his ringed tail. He added with a hint of vanity, “Wait! Anywhere but the tail. I don’t want it getting mangled.”
“No tail. Got it.” Cautiously, Erik crept onto the rear, placing his paws on Colin’s hips. He felt the raccoon shiver and then relax, along with the furry ringed tail brushing against his thigh, which caused him to swallow hard. “I’m not trying to touch your tail,” he said, his voice shaking a tad from the awkward situation, “but we’re so close I can’t help it.”
“I’ll forgive you this time,” Colin teased as he set the scooter in motion.
The individual blades of grass that they had been able to see became a blur, followed by the cookie cutter row of homes. It took multiple turns, dead ends, unintentional backtracking, and a few close calls with passing vehicles to finally reach the exit. The road before them ended, giving way to a grassy field littered with crushed soda cans and a row of signs foreshadowing an upcoming upscale shopping center. To their left and right was a new road, this one not nearly as well maintained as the pristine pavement of Ponyville.
Colin paused to think, using the brake as an excuse to stretch his back. “It’s this way,” he said after a moment, turning his head to the left.
“Are you sure?” Erik asked, glancing in the opposite direction for any sign of their destination. Both options appeared to lead to an endless journey.
“I’m sure. Are you ready?”
Erik placed his feet on the board, tightly resuming his hold on Colin’s hips. The tail mysteriously found its way to his thigh again, although he decided to not make a big deal out of it. It gave a surprising feeling of comfort that he hadn’t felt in quite some time. “I think so,” he declared. “Let’s hurry.”
They sped down the path, not speaking for a while as the wind danced through their fur. The sun had nearly set. All that remained of its warmth was a cascade of colors; bright reds melted into orange, then yellow, and finally rich shades of purple and midnight blue. The wisps of clouds were a dark silhouette watching over the sea of homes below. Soon all of the lights would shine, competing with the stars for prominence in the nocturnal landscape.
“Hey, Colin,” Erik said after a while.
“What can I do for you?” Colin questioned, not taking a moment to look back at his friend.
“I was just thinking of how your fur is rougher than I thought it would be.”
“Is that so?” Colin said, momentarily glancing over his shoulder. His eyes were two glowing orbs in the moonlight.
“It-it is,” Erik said nervously, afraid that he had upset his friend.
“I’ll have you know some parts are softer than others,” Colin said with faux indignation, and then teasing, added, “Maybe you’re just squeezing too tightly. Someone might think you’re my boyfriend from how you’re holding me.”
Erik worked his paws upward to the shoulders, but found difficulty keeping his balance so he reluctantly moved south again, softening the grip.
“I was only joking,” Colin muttered. “I don’t mind if you hold tighter. I’d rather bring you back in one piece. I don’t want to nor do I feel like having to tell Marshmallow that her brother became a roadside pizza. It’s only funny when it happens to someone else.”
“Are you joking this time?”
“No, I mean it,” Colin ordered, looking over his shoulder once more. “Secure yourself.” As he was about to face the road again, he felt a violent bump. His startled scream matched Erik’s as he felt his feet leave the board. The world spun. His vision was a blurred, swirling wash of bright light patches that mixed with the land. Before he had time to process what had happened, he slammed into the ground, tumbling for several yards before his momentum dissipated. “Owwww,” he groaned while lying on his back. Taking deep, ragged breaths, he held a paw over his chest and thanked Celestia that he hadn’t crashed against the pavement or landed on his head. “Erik?” he then called. “Where are you? Are you okay?”
“I-I think so,” came a grunt a few feet away. “Are you?”
Colin took a moment to catch his breath, his chest rising and falling in broken movements. A shooting pain in his side crept into his mind as the adrenaline wore off. “Owwww . . . Yeah,” he said with a suppressed chuckle. “This is why it’s important to wear a helmet.” With what began as a labored pace, he pulled himself to his feet, springing up at the last moment. “And I demand a recall. This product is not safe for raccoons!”
“Or anyone,” Erik said as he stood as well, rubbing a throbbing forehead.
“Not at a–oww!” Colin clutched under his ribs and tightly clenched his teeth, sucking in a sharp breath. “Definitely . . . need . . . a warning.”
Ears drooping, Erik approached him. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine. Just have a bruise.” Colin brushed a few stray blades of grass off his fur. “Let’s hurry. I think we’re almost there.”
Erik squinted through the darkness for any sign of their lost scooter, tail swishing. “Where is our ride?” he asked as he turned his gaze back to Colin.
“I don’t know,” Colin admitted.
The road was poorly lit; most of the light came from the glow of the moon. The rest came from distant house lights and the occasional firefly.
Colin inched closer to the road, doing his best to ignore the knife in his side. As he neared the paved area, his eye caught a glimmer that was too bright to be one of the road reflectors. “I bet that’s it.” He pointed at the object, although did not glance back to see if he was followed. “I think I see the handlebars.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, come on.”
As he took his next step, Colin’s ears suddenly perked, painfully swiveling outward to face a rising growl. As it grew nearer, the sound rose in pitch, snarling with increased ferocity until he had to clasp his paws over his ears. An army of rowdy, drunken unicorns accompanied the noise, one seemingly unable to exist without the other. His body turned to ice; the chill spread down his spine until his toes numbed and he felt as though he would do his best opossum impression and faint. Horrified, he watched in slow motion as a swarm of unicorns sped past. He saw the scooter now illuminated by their horns. He saw the pavement-stomping hooves. The scene happened so slowly in his mind that he even saw that one of the unicorns had fourteen pockets on his frayed jacket. A percussive crunch joined the roars. Metal and wood shattered, scattering in all directions as each consecutive set of hooves assaulted the mass.
Something flew out of the army, directly toward him. His breath escaped. Just as he was overcome with the instinct to duck, he felt a tug from behind as he instantly was driven into the ground. The object thudded on the grass, partially sinking into the dirt from its momentum.
Colin blinked, opening his eyes to find Erik’s own face filled with worry. Their muzzles were mere inches apart. With breath coarse and rapid, he tried to figure out what had just happened. His mind was aching from the strain of too much excitement in such a short amount of time. Closing his eyes again, he moaned. “Exciting night,” he said after a moment, forcing a smile.
“Colin, are you okay?” Erik yelped, gripping the raccoon’s shoulders tightly. “If that’s exciting, I want to go relax!”
Colin continued to heave with his eyes closed. “I . . . Yeah, I am. I could have been killed just now,” he said, feeling dead anyway. “Can’t complain.”
“That wheel almost hit you!”
“Is that what it was?”
“That is most definitely what it was. You should never have gotten so close!”
“I had to save the scooter. But, at least something was saved. I don’t know what to say. Thanks.”
“I know you’d do the same for me.”
“Heh, yeah.” Colin’s eyes fell to the ground, meanwhile reaching a stalemate with a few inner demons. Without thinking, he wrapped his arms around Erik’s back, giving a gentle squeeze. Even with the occasional car or truck roaring past, the warmth of his friend gave a sense of comfort that he could never take for granted. He felt inclined to remain there for the rest of the evening, although he wouldn’t admit it. He wouldn’t allow himself to return empty-handed, especially after endangering the life of one that had just saved his. “Thanks again,” he said in a near whisper.
“Anything for a friend.” Erik continued to smile as he reached to give Colin’s chest a gentle scratch. He was treated to a carefree hum. “Do you still want to go to Kmare?”
Nodding, Colin propped himself up on his arms. Despite the comfort, he partially felt relief from the urge to continue with their journey. An uneasy fear squirmed in the back of his mind of what may happen if they remained where they were. “I didn’t come all this way and almost get decapitated for nothing! Of course we are.”
“But how will we get there now? The scooter is no more. It is only junk, only scrap, only bits of–”
“It’s gone, I get it,” Colin said, interrupting a series of wild arm gestures. He leaned forward until he was on all fours, a position that took less effort and thus aided in thinking. “If we’re where I think we are, then we’re close. Could you climb up a tree over there and see if you can see it?” He glanced to the side where a line of trees ran along the road about twenty feet away.
“Consider it done!” Erik gave a quick scratch along the middle of Colin’s back, which was still parallel with the ground. Much to his amusement, Colin’s back arched like a cat, sending his ring tailed rump into the air.
A purr followed, but Colin quickly sidestepped. “No one is to know about that,” he said sternly, although unable to hide a chuckle. "Marshmallow already does and that’s bad enough."
“Will do,” Erik said. With a gasp, he caught himself and quickly added, “I mean, won’t, won’t do!” Without giving time to invite further awkwardness, he disappeared into the darkness. A short moment later his voice was heard: “I can’t get up. There’s a fence!”
“Climb it!”
“Oh, right!”
Colin remained on all fours while making his way to the row of trees. Besides being a welcome change of pace, it helped to take the pressure off his sore back. It did little to ease the pain on the side of his ribs, but neither would an upright posture. A contented sigh accompanied his walk through the grass; his fingers parted it and conformed to the soft dirt. About halfway to the fence he felt something smooth crinkle under his weight. Glancing downward he caught the remains of a bag of nacho cheese-flavored chips in the moonlight. Upon discovering that the bag was empty, he grunted and then continued walking.
From above came an excited voice. “I see it! I think we can walk from here!”
“Good work,” Colin called up to him. He stood upright once more.
Erik landed at his side, nearly performing a curtsy as he caught his balance. He stood straight, gave an outward twirl of his arms, and then offered Colin a generous smile. “Ready?”
“Do you have to ask?” Colin said slyly. “So, which way was it?”
Erik pointed over his shoulder. “That way and at the bottom of a hill.”
“I’ll get there before you,” Colin suddenly said, blowing past him in a blur. The forest had been so sufficiently cleared that it only took a few seconds to make it to the other side. Panting, he paused as the grass began to steeply slope downward. He felt a warm paw grip his shoulder.
“Is it really a good idea to run off like that?” Erik asked. He stepped back and crossed his arms.
“I knew where I was going, and I knew it wasn’t far.” Colin imitated the gesture and came close to blowing a raspberry.
“If you insist. I thought you were going all the way to the store, and we would get separated.”
“Now I wouldn’t do that to you.” Colin paused, his eyes zipping to the side before glancing back down at Erik with a grin. “Unless, of course, those double stuffed Twinkies were back. Then I may have to go to my one true love.”
“I thought your true love was salsa.”
Colin threw his arms into the air. “What can I say? Too much love, not enough me.”
“There’s never enough you,” Erik teased, and then made his way down the hill.
The store’s parking lot cared for a few cars, most of which were parked near the entrance. Lightning bugs every few spaces kept the darkness away, with the exception of the occasional flickering firefly.
As they drew nearer, Erik used his paw as a visor, squinting into the bright light that momentarily obscured his vision with a flash of spots. “So, how do you plan to sneak in?” he asked.
“Oh, I have a plan,” Colin reassured him. “I most definitely have a plan.” He pulled Erik behind a parked cart while scanning the overhead supermarket logo. “Yes, I’ve got a great plan to get us in there.”
Erik’s tail whipped the air. “You don’t have a plan, do you?”
“No.”
“So, how are we going to g–”
“Hey, not so fast.” Colin’s eyes became fixated on something at the edge of the store. “I do have an idea now. Follow me.” He ducked under the cart, crawling on his belly. As his head peeked from under the opposite side he found a stallion opening several shipping boxes off to the side. From each he pulled an assortment of plush animals that were carelessly tossed into a plastic cart.
Erik’s nose popped out from under the cart, sniffing the air before he made his way out from under it. As his eyes joined the path of Colin’s he gulped, and then crawled back onto his feet. “Are we really going to do what I think you’re thinking?”
“Does Princess Luna shit in the Everfree Forest?”
“Well, you’ve certainly had better ideas.”
“It’s going to work, trust me,” Colin said in a forced whisper. “I saw it in a play once. Now when I tell you to, hop in that cart and don’t move.”
“How can I get in if I don’t move?”
“Get in, then don’t move.”
“Oh.”
“Got it?”
“Got it. I hope you know what you’re doing.”
“I’m 84.3% positive, yes. Now stay close.”
They cautiously hurried toward the stallion, ducking behind trees and trashcans. Soon they were in the shadow of the packing boxes, one of which they huddled behind for a moment.
“Slight change of plans,” Colin said, still keeping his voice low. “I want you to play dead.”
“Really?” Erik replied.
“Yeah, fall by the box, and don’t be too dramatic. You’ve got to hurry.”
Erik nodded, and then remained low as he crept around the box on all fours, waiting for the stallion’s attention to be elsewhere.
The stallion continued to remove the toys and toss them in the cart at a casual pace. Whistling and humming a few out-of-tune songs helped keep his pace from being too productive. The stallion periodically checked his watch, swearing louder each time as though it was going in reverse. Suddenly, there was a screech from the front of the building. He looked up and gulped, calling to the harsh sound. “What?” came the reply. “I’m almost done. No, I haven’t mopped yet. Yes, I’ll get the carts. I’m having trouble finishing because I keep having to help customers. I can’t do everything at once.” The last bit was added under his breath as he kicked a nearby box. It went nowhere.
While the stallion was distracted, Erik stood in plain view and held a paw over his heart. His tongue dabbled past his chin, and his eyes grew wide. He moaned, coughed, and gagged, spinning on one leg while his tail became lifeless.
“I said not too dramatic,” came a restrained bark.
“Oh, right.” Instantly, Erik collapsed, giving the parking lot a clear shot of his rump.
Meanwhile, Colin trotted out with his paws behind his back, keeping an eye upward to his adversary. He sighed, slumping over as he collapsed as well, landing awkwardly on his arm. He winced, but there was no time to deal with it.
A few more boxes were ripped open, their contents becoming basketballs as they flew to the cart.
Swish!
“Hey, how did I miss you two?” the stallion muttered as he noticed the two on the pavement. He yanked Erik off the ground by his tail, tossing him with the same respect he gave the stuffed animals. He then lifted Colin in the same manner; his nose wrinkled as he moved the raccoon out to arm’s length. “Whew! These things are getting so realistic they have their own stink.”
Colin found himself on top of Erik, their legs crossed together while he was forced to turn his head to keep their muzzles from colliding. Looking into his eye was a cheerful white and pink cow with heart-shaped spots. Below a similarly toned gorilla gave his aching tail a cushion, while a kitten with droopy plastic eyes and a bow around its neck landed on top of them. “I probably don’t have to tell you this,” he whispered, “but don’t move until I say to.” A rainstorm of animals buried him, his vision obscured further with each passing moment.
Resting his eyes, he heard a click, followed by what resembled a hoofsaw opening a zipper. The latter repeated a few more times. After a second click, footsteps faded into silence, the only sound being the occasional passing of ponies in the distance, along with a stray, nasally voiced mare, gabbing without a reply as she walked alongside a squeaking cart, perhaps overloaded with plastic. She did not cease, even as she approached her vehicle.
A door slid open with a heavy whoosing sound and then closed a moment later.
As her voice began to drift from his mind, Colin was left with his thoughts. When would the worker return? How big was the chocolate selection? How would they get home? Why were Erik’s legs so warm? It better not rain. Were any ribs broken? What is the record for most gnomes on one lawn? Why were Erik’s legs so warm?
The thump of hooves on the paved roads of Ponyville returned, stopping just before the cart. Colin’s eyes and nose stung from the stench of tobacco smoke. “Time to get this shit inside before I get fired,” croaked the stallion before coughing up his spleen. He proceeded to mock his manager, raising his voice until it was shrill, and then barking out what Colin took to be her catchphrase. Finally, the cart began to move.
They rolled up a ramp; plushies tumbled to one side and then back again as they found level ground. The cart stopped.
Colin heard the swish of an automatic door, and then they resumed. Within the same breath he was reminded of the joys of climate control as the store’s heat sent a tingle all the way to his toes. Having been outside for so long, he had forgotten that it was still winter. Purring, he took Erik’s paw and gave a gentle squeeze. “We made it inside,” he whispered. “Once they close this place is ours.”
***
On cue, Erik burst forth from the mountain of stuffed animals and leaped off the shelf. Fortunately, they weren’t very high. “I have never been so stiff!” He moaned in relief as he placed his paws on his lower back and stretched, arching his spine in each direction. His tail returned to life, beating from side to side; it was still there. “Jeez, I thought we’d never get to move.”
“But now we can.” Colin’s fur shone under the emergency lights that provided most of the illumination as the main set was out or dimmed for the evening. He opened his mouth in an enthusiastic smile and bounced on his toes. “Come on, let’s find the display.”
Colin sprinted down the aisle, making a sharp turn into the next. Towels and bathmats, soaps and toothbrush holders, shower curtains and mirrors blurred past. He stopped at the end, glancing back and forth. “Toys over there, bathroom here, baby supplies that way,” he muttered, pointing at each. “I bet it’s with cards, and those are always near the front.”
“Which way is the front?” Erik asked, catching up with him while he panted. He took a moment to catch his breath before continuing. “I never saw us come in.”
“I don’t know, but there’s only one way to find out.”
A cloud of dust billowed up where a raccoon had once stood.
Colin rounded a few more aisles in the maze before finding an opening that led to the registers, along with the automatic doors from which they had entered. Craning his neck back he saw a giant balloon that resembled Cupid suspended from the ceiling, overlooking a mountain of roses and cards, and finally, as he began to drool, chocolate. He took a few steps back to better take in the sight, his heart pounding. “Will you look at that,” he said, his wide eyes locked on his treasure.
Erik casually caught up, stopping at his friend’s side. “Is this monstrosity what we came for?”
Colin vigorously rubbed his paws together. “Oh, yes, and will you look at that!” He pointed to a cardboard display to the side of the mountain. “Holiday sale: Buy one, get one free!”
“But why does that matter? When did you ever pay for something?”
“Hmm.” He gnawed on his lip as he thought. “So you’re saying it’s an even better deal.”
“That’s not what I . . .” Erik began, but decided to focus elsewhere. It was not a matter worth arguing. “Where do we begin?”
Colin took a deep breath as he wrung his paws together. He opened his mouth but then paused, exhaling his thought. Finally, he turned to Erik, placed his paws on his shoulders, and offered a smile. “Despite nearly getting run over, losing my head, and getting stuffed into a shelf full of soft toys, I must admit I’ve had a good time tonight. Thanks for coming with me, Erik. It wouldn’t have been as much fun without you.”
Surprised at the kindness, it took a moment for Erik to respond. “Thank you for wanting me,” he said, feeling his face growing hot. “You’ve been unusually kind tonight. Oh, no, you’re not dying, are you?”
“Of course not! Relax. Oh, and I must say, you did a great job earlier. That guy really thought we were toys.”
“And that you needed a bath,” Erik added, unable to hide a chuckle.
Snorting, Colin crossed his arms. “Which proves that he knows nothing.”
“I’ll say!”
“And of course I want you, fuzzy. You’re the marshmallow in my s’mores! Honestly, you’re the easiest to be around. You don’t take everything personally. You don’t talk to shrubbery. You don’t have kids attached to you. It doesn’t sound like you’re about to hack up a hairball when you talk, and you don’t have a personality that would make even Sugarcube Corner the unhappiest place on Earth.”
“Oh, Rita’s not that bad!” After a brief silence, Erik added, “Or maybe she is.”
Colin smirked. “See? It’s true.”
“You do have a point. But thanks again for saying you want me to be here with you. I don’t feel that way often anymore.” His ears and shoulders sunk.
“Don’t mention it. Now let’s get you something to eat. It’s a crime against nature to be sad when you’ve got such a buffet!” He began to sift through the stacks of treasure, eventually pulling out a small, heart-shaped box. This he mulled over for a moment before presenting it. “I offer you my heart,” he added with a smirk.
Erik snatched the box from the air. “Now let’s see here. What’s inside?”
“With those, you never know what you’re gonna get. Now try it!”
After sliding off the lid, Erik was greeted by chocolates of various shapes that appeared to have no relation to the next. With a restrained pace, as though about to touch potentially icy water, he chose a piece and lifted it from its home. He held it under the emergency light to get the best view, and then popped it in his mouth. His eyes rose from side to side as he thought, humming and chewing. Eventually, his face lit up like the morning sun. “I like this one!”
“And I like these,” Colin replied as he slid the plastic film over a box of marshmallow hearts, and then tore off the lid, dumping the contents into an awaiting paw. “Nature’s candy!”
“How intriguing. Could I have a nature’s candy?” Within a second, the skunk snatched a marshmallow flying his way. After enjoying its spongy texture, he swallowed and felt his body wanting to vibrate a bit. “Oh, these are good.”
Colin had to finish his own pawful before he could speak. “Have a whole box,” he said as he licked a few flakes of pink from his lips.
Erik peered inside the box after catching it, his tail swishing with excitement. “You can’t hide from me, you delectable treasures!”
“That’s the spirit, dude,” Colin said, pumping his fist in the air. “Now, let’s see what else they’ve got.” He turned and scanned from side to side. If there was a shortage of anything heart-shaped in the world, they were in the right place; most everything he could see was, including the boxes. His ears perked as he heard something shaking to his side. He turned his head to see Erik inspecting a box that also had hearts drawn on its pink side.
“Oh, what are these?” Erik asked, squinting through a plastic window on the front. “Are they any good? They look so friendly. Look, this one says ‘Be mine,’ and this one says, ‘You’re so sweet.’”
“Whoa! No, no, no!” Colin yelped, nearly leaping out of his fur as he swatted the box away like a volleyball. It slid across the tile, spinning until it disappeared under the next aisle. “Those aren’t edible! They’re a trick!”
“Oh.” Erik daintily waved at the empty space under the shelves. “Bye-bye, little trick candies.”
Turning his attention back to the shelves, Colin snorted. “And good riddance. Now here’s something you’ll like. I present to you fudge, with tasty bits of walnuts of course.”
Closing his eyes, Erik nibbled on the piece that Colin handed to him. The velvety texture soothed his tongue, while the rich flavor asked it to dance. The sweetness filled his spirit, giving an open invitation for more. “I think that’s the most delicious thing I’ve ever had,” he said in a soft voice, eyes still closed. “Is there more?”
Colin casually glanced at the shelves at his side. “I’d say so.”
Shivering and then clearing his throat, Erik said, “Fantastic! Oh, I do think all of this is building up quite a thirst. Do we have anything to drink?”
“Oh, right! Now how could I forget that? You just sit tight and I’ll get us something.” Colin sprinted into the dark.
While waiting, Erik began to feel his body trembling. He glanced downward at his shaking paws, along with his feet that had their own unique rhythm. He knew it was mainly from the sugar, so it didn’t frighten him, but he felt the urge to run to expel some energy. Shrugging, he took a few laps around the display, picking up his speed with each round. When he had had enough, he slid to a stop over the freshly buffed tile, not losing momentum for several feet. Leaning back, he clenched his teeth and then fell onto all fours before finally rolling onto his back, panting heavily. He stretched, flexing his toes and grunting from relief, content to lie still until the drinks arrived.
You should do that more often. Brushing down his soft chest, he rested his paws on his belly and began to count the ceiling tiles. One, two, three. You used to be able to do that much longer. When did you get so old? Ten, eleven, twelve. How long has it been since Marshmallow was born? Twenty . . . Thirty . . . Forty. Am I still a disappointment to Mom? Suddenly, he was snatched from his thoughts by the crunch of plastic rolling over tile.
Erik sat as Colin surfed by on a scooter.
The raccoon turned, circling the skunk as he slowed, and then brought his foot to the ground to stop it. At the rear of the scooter were two twenty-four-ounce bottles of soda and a pack of bendy straws. These he placed on the ground, shoving the skateboard into the distance with his foot. “Ta-da,” he said, flashing a toothy smile as his paws swayed over his head. He untwisted one of the caps with a loud hiss, offering the beverage. “Drink up, buddy.”
“Thanks for getting these.” Erik pulled a straw from the box, twisted it to his desired angle, and then popped it into the bottle. After a moment to enjoy the fizz, along with the burning sensation as it slid down, he looked up to catch Colin facing him.
In his paw, Colin held a dethorned rose. “For you,” he said with a smirk, bowing and then holding out the flower. “Shall we tango?” As he came upright once more, he began a shuffle that ended in a yelp as the rose fell to the floor. He clutched his back, biting his lip.
Erik sighed, shaking his head. “Please don’t tell me you’re still okay. You’re hurt and need to rest for a while. It’s okay. I’ll bring you anything you need.”
“No, I’m fine. It was my back that time. I think it’s just sore.”
“You’ve been having trouble since the crash. Sit down, Colin. Please?”
“Well, I’m not! Raccoons can’t get h–yow!” he yelped again, biting a quivering lip. His voice became a pained squeak. “Okay, okay, maybe we can.” Grabbing a bag of chocolate, he hobbled over to Erik and sat down. With a sigh, he tore open the bag and unwrapped a few pieces before popping them into his mouth. A scowl drifted across his face as he chewed, followed by a meek smile as the sugar found its way to his brain. He leaned back and peacefully hummed, eating a few more pieces of chocolate as he did so. The humming only intensified as he felt a pair of paws kneading his shoulders. “Say, that’s kind of nice,” he cooed, leaning into the massage. His eyes began to close.
Erik grinned. “Is it? I was told once I had magic fingers.”
“Oh, you do. You do.” Colin shivered, his fur bristling in a wave down to the tail. “You really don’t have to do this, you know.”
Erik replied by continuing to rub Colin’s back, using firm pressure as he traced the dark brown trail of fur that traveled down the center of his spine. “Where does it hurt most?”
“Mmm! A little lower.”
Erik’s palm traveled in a firm circle around the lower back. Although his touch was firm, he took care not to aggravate any potential bruises or breaks. He then worked back up to the shoulders as he was treated to a round of intense purring. Smiling, he brushed up and down the arms, parting the coarse fur.
Leaning forward, Colin grabbed a drink and straw and began to sip with the bottle between his legs. His back relaxed while his tongue tangled with the fizz; he swished, finally swallowing as the carbonation subsided. A burp escaped through his nose, burning it along with his throat. “Ah, that’s the sweet stuff,” he said, his eyes narrowed.
“What is?”
“Both.” After a moment Colin tossed the straw and gulped down the rest of the beverage. He cooed, letting another burp tingle his nostrils before leaning forward until he was on all fours to stretch his back; an audible sloshing came from his full belly as the drink settled. “Hey, do you think you could put those magic fingers of yours to work on my tail? That might be sore too.”
“Might be?”
“Maybe.” The raccoon stood up and chuckled.
Erik paused, his paws lifting away from the fur. “Now wait a minute. You were telling me not to mess it up earlier, and I think you were serious. Are you sure this is you talking and not just the sugar?”
“Erik, my friend, of course not.” He got down on all fours again, looking over his shoulder enough to catch a pair of wide eyes and a slackened jaw. “Why would I want you using it to stay on the scooter? The second you lost your balance I could have lost a limb.”
“Well,” he began as he felt the tail brushing against his side, “that does make sense. And–” He laughed. “That tickles.”
“Naturally.”
With a reluctant nod, Erik eased his trembling paws to the tail, pulling away at the last second as though it were scalding. He then let them drift back, resting in the middle. He caught his breath as his heart became a battering ram to his ribs. Upon hearing the purrs resume, he cradled it while using the other paw to trace around each ring down to the base, and then back up to the tip where he gently squeezed. The fur was as rough as on his back, at times resembling a bundle of miniature pine needles. “Maybe you should try some conditioner,” he suggested while stroking the length of the tail. “I hear it makes you silky smooth and shiny.”
Colin only chirped in reply, as he was too busy enjoying himself to say that he didn’t need any. With his eyes closed, he bobbed his head while he tapped his paws and feet against the tile as though he were moved by music only he could hear. Had his tail been free, it would have swished as well.
Erik grinned, beginning to relax as he was pleased that he was pleasing Colin. Lifting the tail by the tip, he scratched underneath, wiggling his fingers in a light, playful motion. Within the same instant he was interrupted by another shiver, this one more intense than the last. His brow rose as he saw Colin’s feet clench tightly and then relax as he exhaled.
“Okay, that was really good,” Colin shuddered. He continued to purr as he turned sideways, his excited tail doing its best helicopter impression for a moment. “So good, in fact, I’m going to get you another treat.” He sprang to his feet and stepped over to the shelves as he called, “Open your mouth and close your eyes!”
Erik did as he was instructed, opening his mouth wide enough that it appeared he was seeing the dentist. In turn, even the security cameras could see down his throat. His ears swiveled to the sound of disturbed plastic, followed by a scraping of cardboard. He heard claws striking tile, and then caught Colin’s scent growing stronger as he felt the now familiar warmth radiating from his body. Along the length of his tongue came a light pressure, followed by a sweetness that filled his mouth and soothed his mind. “Delicious,” he said, seducing the chocolates with his tongue before biting into them.
The internal flavors burst forth as though from a broken dam. Strawberry, mint, and almond melted into a whirlpool of chocolate that enraptured his body in a warm blanket of euphoria.
Shivering and sighing in delight, Erik opened his eyes to find Colin standing before him, an opened heart-shaped box of chocolates cradled in one arm. “What were those positively heavenly things?”
“Why, they’re only the best things a person can buy, or raccoons can permanently borrow. Have another? And yes, they are delicious.” He took a chocolate from the box.
“Do you have to ask?” Without waiting for a reply, Erik snatched the treat, plucking it from Colin’s fingers with his tongue. He swallowed much more quickly than the last, and then licked his lips. “Oh, these are so good. Mmm! So good, so good, so good!”
“Now I know what turns you on,” Colin chuckled as he wiped his fingers on his side. “Maybe I should just give you the box.”
“Would you?”
As he presented it, the offering was snatched from his grasp. He watched in amusement as Erik began to vacuum the remainder of the contents. “Attaboy! I’m glad you’re enjoying them.”
“Mm, my mam,” he said with his cheeks bulging from chocolate, while not bothering to pull his muzzle from the box.
“Good.” Colin sighed happily, giving a playful rub between his ears. “You know, I’m not always proud of who I am, but it’s times like that this make me glad I had to spend so many years stealing to survive. We wouldn’t be sharing this night and you’d be in that house, freezing to death, eating junk, and sleeping with Marshmallow.”
“I’m enjoying my night too.” Erik licked his lips again as he scarfed down the last of the chocolate and tossed the box to the side.
“Clearly.”
“Are there any more?”
Colin gasped, holding a clenched fist over his chest. He forced his lip to quiver. “Here I am bearing my soul to you, and all you can think about is stuffing your face?”
“Colin,” Erik said flatly, narrowing his brow.
“What?”
“Are you telling me you aren’t thinking of that? Gosh, I think you’re getting high off the chocolate! I must admit I’ve had my doubts, but you’ve proved it.”
“Maybe a little.” Colin snickered, his eyes falling to the empty bottle and candy boxes “But I mean it! Really, I do! You and I never get to do things like this, and don’t tell anyone, but I’ve wanted to for a long time. I know I can relate to you more than anyone else.”
Erik’s eyes drifted to the display, searching for another one of the magic boxes. Giving up for the moment, he met Colin’s baby blue eyes. “I think you mentioned that already, but I agree.”
“Yeah, heh,” Colin said with a weak laugh. “Thanks for the back and tail rub.”
“For such a good friend, it’s my pleasure! I remember how much I used to love it.”
“From Mom?”
Erik nodded as his ears sunk. “Yeah, but I’m okay.”
Colin grinned, rubbing between Erik’s ears again. “That’s the spirit. Like the song says, ‘don’t worry, be happy!’ And, hey, you’ve got me to keep you company. Right?” He lightly punched Erik’s arm in a playful manner. “Right?”
“I do. Shall we have some more?”
“Definitely.” As Colin reached for a new box, he paused, gently scratching Erik’s back. “Actually, you made me think about something.”
Erik cooed from the scratch, leaning against his friend. “What is it?”
“I don’t know how long you’ve been alone, but I guess it’s been a while. You know I never have any luck, which I know is surprising because I’m so irresistible. The only close friendship I’ve ever had is with you. Speaking of which, I was wondering . . . I mean . . . Ah, fuck it!” He turned his head away.
“What is it, Colin? I don’t mind, whatever you have to say.”
Colin turned his head back towards Erik while unwrapping a piece of chocolate. His eyes fell to the front door, slowly drifting to the checkout counters, and then remained there, not focusing on anything in particular. As he exhaled a long, slow breath, he felt an arm wrap around his back, hugging tenderly. The embrace jarred his ribs, but being too comforted, he did not make a sound. With a sigh of surrender, he leaned against Erik, resting his head on the skunk’s shoulder. “This shouldn’t be as nice as it is.”
“I’m enjoying it myself,” Erik said, smiling and stroking Colin’s side. “I must say, I’m thankful for it.”
“I remember when someone first hugged me,” Colin began after a moment, idly rolling the nearby fur on Erik’s leg with his fingers. “It was like a lost part of my soul came back from somewhere. I didn’t know what to think at first, but later I realized how much it meant to me.” Ashamed, he grumbled and sighed. “Please, please don’t ever tell anyone I’m talking to you like this.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t. Is this what you were having trouble saying?”
“Well, no. Um . . .” he began with his paws trembling. “Maybe we could try to be around each other more. And maybe when we have times like this, when we’re alone, we could be more like mates, at least until we find something real. Like I said, I’m hopeless and you’re alone. I really hate to see you like that.”
Erik rested his muzzle on Colin’s head, his warm breath rustling the fur. Before speaking, he gave another firm hug, holding it much longer than the one prior. “Oh, Colin, I would truly love that!”
“Really?” Colin asked, sitting up to check his face for any signs of dishonesty.
“Really! I couldn’t ask for a better friend!”
Colin leaned against Erik once more, gently nuzzling the skunk’s shoulder. “I’d like to sit with you a bit longer, but then let’s get back to the real reason we’re here,” he said, his grin hidden in Erik’s arm.
“Definitely.”
***
Colin lay on his back. His head rolled to the side to glance at the cupcake that was left. It sat there at arm’s length, its swirled frosting holding still while the room spun. He weakly swung his arm at it, only managing to strike air and tile. Squinting, he pointed at the cupcake and taunted it for a moment before deciding to give his attention elsewhere.
Rolling to his right, he ended up on top of Erik, who gasped from the sudden pressure, and then returned the toothy grin that was flashed in his direction. He placed his paws on the skunk’s chest, scratching as he worked down to the skunk’s arms, pinning them near the shoulder. “One of us,” he began before being interrupted by a burp, “is going to have to eat him. He’s all alone, dude! We can’t let that happen!”
“Oh, hell, no,” Erik replied as he playfully poked Colin’s belly. “He has to get in there with his friends. That is unless I get it first.”
“And how will that ever happen?” Colin suddenly gripped Erik’s arms again to stabilize himself until the room held still.
“Well,” Erik looked away as he pretended to think, “you can’t get it if I’m closer!” With a quick flick of his tail, he surged to the right, sending Colin to the floor. The raccoon landed on his chest away from the cupcake. Seeing that the raccoon was momentarily stunned, Erik scurried over to it, scooping the cupcake into his grasp. As he undressed the pink cake, a brown ball of fur tackled him in the side, sending him onto his back. Looking up he saw his treasure spinning in midair, coming to him in freefall. However, he also saw Colin, who had fallen on top of him reaching up for it. The raccoon snatched it from the air and finished unwrapping the cake.
“Looks like we’re back where we started,” Colin teased, his tail patting Erik’s legs. “And looks like this is back where it belongs.”
“Not necessarily, my friend. I know your secret weakness.”
“Now, now, we don’t have any Twinkies.”
“Hah! That’s not a secret!” Erik reached forward, his fingertips finding their way to his sides. With a ferocious tickle, Colin became helpless. The raccoon’s arm trembled until his paw began to shake as well, the grip on the cupcake loosening. In his attempts to protect himself, Colin once again found himself on his back. His feet hung in the air for a moment as his tail fell near Erik’s muzzle, who blew it out of the way with a quick puff.
The cupcake came back to Colin a moment later with a splat, although it didn’t end up where he would have preferred: upside down on his chest. It left a pink spot with a ring of smaller icing specks around it. Scooting off of his friend, he sat and rubbed his head as he pulled the cake off his fur. “Ah,” he smiled, “looks like I got it after all.” Not a second was wasted to finish it. He licked his lips and flashed a toothy grin, showing his teeth that were coated in icing. They were licked clean a moment later.
“Hm,” Erik said, crawling next to him and pointing at the spot on his chest. “You didn’t get it all, did you?”
Colin’s teeth continued to shine. “Well, if you want it, don’t say I was never generous.” He relaxed, leaning back on his arms.
Leaning in, Erik drew his tongue over the icing, parting the fur up and down. As he mopped up each bit, his ears turned to the sound of humming and felt Colin shivering against his muzzle. Some of the icing had stained itself so well into the fur that he had to nearly vacuum it off with his mouth. A tender paw brushed along his back and he too began to purr, nuzzling against his chest.
“You didn’t have to stop,” Colin cooed, still brushing Erik’s back.
“Mmm,” Erik said, yawning while his eyes peacefully closed. “I did get it all.”
“I don’t think you did.”
Erik sat, inspecting the damp patch of fur. “No, I did. Look, it’s all clean.”
Colin chuckled, scratching behind the skunk’s ears. “I think you left some. Open your mouth and say ‘ah.’”
“Ahhh.”
“Yep, right there. Your tongue looks like an after dinner mint.”
“Now, Colin, surely you aren’t going to–”
“Oh, yes, I am. I’m not letting good icing go to waste!”
“Okay.”
“Relax, you’re going to like this. Come on, I love you, buddy.”
Suddenly, Erik’s eyes grew wide. “What?”
“Um . . . um . . .” Colin choked, his eyes darting to and fro. “Did I say that? I mean that . . . um . . . I mean that I . . . Yeah, okay, I guess I do.” Wincing, he turned his head and sighed. “I’m not good with stuff like this.”
“Colin, I’m not either. You just surprised me, that’s all. I think it’s great that you feel that way, even if it is the sugar talking.”
“I don’t even know if that’s it anymore.”
“Well, don’t worry,” Erik said, leaning in with a firm hug, “because I agree.”
Colin opened one eye, turning his head back with caution. “You do?”
“Yes,” Erik replied with a smirk, sticking out his tongue. “I agree that you missed a spot.”
Colin’s other eye opened slowly as he finally returned the hug. “I guess I did say I can’t waste food.” He chuckled, a paw working up Erik’s chest to scratch under the skunk’s chin. As he leaned in, he closed his eyes and purred, licking over the dark lips that belonged to Erik. Finally, their tongues met, and much to his surprise, Erik began to lick back after a few strokes. He continued even after the sweet icing was gone, his body overcome with chills that remained once he paused for air.
“Wow,” they both said in unison after a few deep breaths.
“Wow,” Colin said again, still panting as though he had run a marathon. “I know the icing is gone, but care for another round?”
Erik dried his mouth with the back of his paw, and then leaned against Colin’s shoulder. “Oh, gosh, I shouldn’t have liked that as much as I did, but, yes, I would love to! Let’s just save some for later, okay? After all we’ve done today, I could use some rest.”
“I could too, honestly.” Colin yawned. “I guess there’s just one more thing to say before we do.”
“Happy Hearts and Hooves Day!”
In surprise, they both looked up as a white blur flashed across the floor, stopping just before them. “Wow! You guys made a mess!” The white skunk spun around to check out the various opened boxes and plastic wrappers strewn about the floor. “I can’t believe I found you!” Marshmallow rapidly drummed her fingers together as she gazed up at them, her eyes wide and shining with relief.
“I . . . Yeah, yeah, I can’t believe it either,” Colin said in all honesty once the surprise had worn off. “How did you find us? And how’d you get in?”
Marshmallow tapped her head, her jaw dropping for a moment before she spoke. “I heard you talking when you woke me up. I knew you were here, I just didn’t know where it was. Oh, my God, I didn’t know which Kmare you were going to or how to get here, so I had to guess and I was wrong the first time. Or was it the third? And now here I am! I came through the air duct. I missed you so much I thought you were dead!” She gasped for air and opened her mouth as though she were going to continue, and then collapsed against Colin. Her large bushy tail had a spasm once they made contact.
Colin gasped as the breath escaped him. “We’re just fine,” he said, patting Marshmallow on the back, which resulted in a thunderous thumping of the leg. He turned to Erik with a pleading glance.
Erik nodded, stepping around to their sides as he gave the skunk a pat of his own. “You did such a good job, Marshmallow. We may never have made it home without you. Could you please show us the way?”
Marshmallow groaned, closing her eyes and rubbing her temples. “I forgot where I came in.”
“How could you do that?” Colin asked.
“I don’t know, but I’ll find it, don’t worry! We’re gonna get out of here. Just follow me, okay?” She motioned to the other end of the store. Her tail twitched feverishly.
“Right, yeah, we’ll do that,” Colin murmured. The room was still spinning in his mind. “Just go slowly. Slowly. We’re tired and full of chocolate.”
The three casually searched the store as Marshmallow led the way with a proud strut. Colin and Erik were more than happy to let her, even if it took until sunrise to escape. Not wishing to draw too much attention, they resisted holding onto each other while they walked, although they playfully exchanged quick scratches and rubs as they circled the aisles.
Eventually, Colin had to shield his eyes from the swinging tail in front of them as it was leading to further sickness, and so he gave his friend his full attention without regret.
After a lap around the store, Marshmallow remembered the stock room and led them there. She pointed to the opened air vent, high above a tower of overstocked shelves. They helped one another climb to the top, and once they had reached a point of safety, agreed to rest until morning.
Huddled together, Colin waited for Marshmallow to fall asleep before taking Erik’s paw and gently nibbling on the skunk’s shoulder. At last he kissed Erik’s nose, then leaned against the skunk with his eyes closing as a night of peaceful dreams welcomed him to sleep. “Until next time,” he whispered.
