The Friendship Files

by Space Jazz

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Equestria Girls, Mystery
Length: 4004

A series involving the MLP villains reimagined or in the EqGverse

A series involving the MLP villains reimagined or in the EqG world.

Series 1: A trilogy involving Discord coming into the human world and having fun because technically, he's not bound by Celestia's rules of being peaceful since he's not in Equestria.

Series 2: The Crystal Maiden: Another Trilogy involving Chrysalis, who after magic seeps into the human world takes the appearance of a changeling and has their powers.

Series 3: Out of Time/Tempus Fugit: Ayy I'm gonna take a stab at Starlight in EqG as she uncovers Starswirl's time machine schematics, all three episodes have a time travel theme, one involves Sunset's past/alternate universes, another the Witch trials, and a time jumping finale where we find out just how much baggage Starlight has.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-05-10 02:31:11 UTC

THE GRAND PLAN The Friendship Files Series 1

The Friendship Files Episode I: The Equestrian Phenomenon

Genres: Comedy, Mystery, Thriller?

CH1: A Farewell to Arms

        It starts off as a normal day at CHS. Sci-Twi is still adjusting to life at the new school. The day happens to be an assembly day, where all the CHS students are rounded up to learn about stuff n things. The assembly is interrupted by a mysterious cloaked figure who has Equestrian magic under their belt. They lift Sunset Shimmer up, and levitate her to center stage. They make snide comments about knowing Sunset's true form. Much to Sunset's horror, she recognizes the Alicorn Amulet around the figure's neck.

Here's a branching point. The magic user is Trixie, but do I say it's her? I'm kind of favoring having her go by the name The Great and Powerful Merlin as a joke. The mystery isn't necessarily a whodunnit but a howdunnit.

Going on a rampage, Merlin blasts at random students and turns them all into ponies like Sunset. She hits and ponifies RARITY, APPLE BLOOM, FLUTTERSHY, AND RAINBOW DASH.

There's a panic and all the students run out, some ponies, some human. They all take refuge in the cafeteria while Merlin locks down the auditorium. SUNSET and RARITY are stuck with Merlin. Twilight takes refuge inside a supply closet. She hides out until Pinkie Pie accidentally stumbles into her.

The two make their way to the cafeteria, running into close calls with nearly mind controlled ponies.

In the cafeteria, they meet up with Applejack as she consoles a frightened filly-fied Apple Bloom. Applejack recounts what happened, her feeling bad about Rarity being left behind, and mentions Sweetie Belle, who is off crying in a corner or something.

After a bit of recon, Twilight, Pinkie, and Rainbow Dash go after Sunset's journal to Princess Twilight. Sweetie Belle tags along, wanting to find her sister. The girls warn her, but she refuses, insisting to tag along.

They go all the way to Sunset's locker, but find that the notebook is gone, leaving a note that reads, "YOU DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD BE THIS EASY, DID YOU? MR. E."

When the girls turn around, they notice Sweetie Belle is gone.

CH2:

Chapter starts off with Sweetie Belle on her own, dodging guards as they patrol the hallways. She catches 'Merlin' talking to a mysterious figure in the Spooky Hallway, you know the one I'm talking about. Sweetie Belle gets caught. Merlin/Trixie first ops to turn her into a pony, but her accomplice convinces her to use a scrying spell, making her the eyes and ears of MR. E. and Merlin.

They order Sweetie Belle to run back, letting her keep her free will, but she's unaware of the scrying spell. They wipe her memory of getting caught, but let her keep the memory of the meeting.

Sweetie Belle runs into the group of girls again and recounts what happened, genuinely believing she wasn't caught. They believe what she saw, and begin to wonder who MR. E could be. Pinkie Pie playfully comments on the Mystery pun.

Everyone groans.

They go back to the cafeteria and draft a plan to raid the auditorium and put a stop to Trixie. The plan fails due to Sweetie's accidental interference/sabatoge . They manage to get Sunset out, but Rarity's still left behind much to Sweetie's discontent. When they get back, they realize it was Sweetie Belle's fault.

CH 3:

THey try to snap Sunset out fo her mind control. Unconventional methods, waterboarding with apple juice and milk cartons. etc. They eventually get Sunset to break through repeated stress breakers or something. SHe's not happy.

Once she's normal, she begins to fill the girls in with the Alicorn Amulet, being defensive and lying that she's only seen it in her studies.

NOTE: IN THIS SERIES, SUNSET WAS BANISHED FOR FUCKING WITH THE ALICORN AMULET, TRYING TO USE IT AS A CHEAP SHORTCUT TO ALICORNHOOD. THIS IS WHY SUCH A RARE ARTIFACT ENDED UP IN A SKETCHY PLACE. TIES INTO TEMPEST FUGIT LATER ON.

Finally, they mount another plan, but purposefully lie to Sweetie, giving Trixie a red herring. Sweetie Belle, wanting to redeem herself goes along with the plan, not realizing its all a ruse.

SWEETIE'S FAKE PLAN-- They gather the materials to make a "bomb" out of supplies found at school, chem stuff, soda cans etc. It's actually a harmless smoke bomb, but Sweetie doesn't know that. They build the bomb, pretending that they're going to blow a hole in the wall behind the stage and attack.

THE REAL PLAN-- The girls go off on their own and rebuild the FG magic sucker thingy, hoping it will absorb Trixie's magic. They also get chem goggles and facemasks from the nurse's office. They storm the auditorium where Trixie/Merlin announces that she "cleverly" caught on to the bomb and she throws it at them. Instead of panicking, the girls only slip on the masks and goggles and prepare to fight.

The battle in the auditorium happens, they discover it's Trixie everyone's like duh.

They stop Trixie using Sunset's now developed magic thanks to the magic sucker thingy from FG. Then everyone turns to normal with Sunset's infused alicorn magic. It goes away though.

??? Profit.

At the end, as Trixie's escorted to juvie, Twilight receives a letter from Mr. E.

I'm genuinely impressed, my dear Twilight Sparkle. Although, I honestly expected it to take much longer for you to take down the so called Great and Powerful Trixie. My, I'm still just tickled pink just thinking about you turning that little girl back at me.

Don't think you've bested me just yet. In all the best chess games, the first move starts with the pawn. Soon you'll know just how much fun our game together really is. Can't say you're not playing already. Once you and your friend decided to play hero, I knew we were going to be locked in a battle of wits. Remember our first encounter because I know I will. Down the line, you'll thank me for it.

Canterlot High has been saved thanks to you and your meddling friends, but I wouldn't rest on my laurels just yet. Hollow Shades, the city immersed in shadows, is in trouble, savaged by two men who rule the town with an iron fist. All I'm asking you to do is dispose of them. Or is it depose them? Shouldn't really matter in the long run, anyway, but the time and place will come into light.

Come on, Sparky, doesn't it sound exciting? Odds are, you're already raring to go. Not once have a seen a girl with a mind like yours turn down the adventure of a life time.

Curiosity killed the cat. Although, I find it tragically insulting that they leave the full phrase out. Really, it should be "Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back." Now go scratch that itch, Twilight. Eventually we will meet again, but first, you have to deal with the Miracle Men.

Love,

Mr. E

The cryptic message reads I AM DISCORD, CHAOS CON CARNE instead of CHAOS INCARNATE

I’M GONNA TRY TO FIND SOME OTHER WAY TO REWRITE THAT LETTER. A LOT OF THE PHRASING IS AWKWARD AS HELL.

The Friendship Files Episode II: The Miracle Men

Chapter 1

Fakeout to the next adventure. The most important document in life. Make it seem like it's incriminating evidence.

Turns out, it's their graduation and they're holding diplomas.

Pinkie announces that she's bored at  a celebratory dinner with everyone and their parents. Jokingly, Rainbow Dash suggests to go solve a murder. Pinkie brings up the letter from Mr. E, insisting there's more behind it. Twilight, also stuck with the paper in her head, want to investigate.

"Hollow Shades, the city of shadows,"and they also note "but the time and place will come into light"

The Hollow Shades Summer of Lights Festival, an annual three-day festival where the town throws a carnival celebrating light on the solstice.

When Twilight gets home, she discovers another letter from Mr. E. Enclosed are reservation details to the  Lumiere hotel, first class train tickets to Hollow Shades (the only method to reach the town other than walking).

 FORESHADOWING INBOUND. During the train ride, the girls make references to the local quirks of the city.

Rainbow Dash makes a passing comment (which later becomes a running gag) where she got a fake ID from Gilda and wants to gamble at the massive casino in the small town.

Rarity makes a comment about the unique Lotus flowers that adorn the city. While most lotus flowers shrink away in the dark, the opposite is true and it thrives in the dark shade provided by the thick foliage of hollow shades (MOTHA FUCKIN SYMBOLISM, FORESHADOWING, AND A CLASSICAL ALLUSION ALL IN ONE. MY ENGLISH TEACHER WOULD BE PROUD)

Twilight reminds them that it's not a vacation, they're there to prevent whatever ominous thing the Miracle Men were planning.

The town of Hollow Shades is secluded, both in appearance and attitude. The only time they let in and tolerate outsiders is during said Summer of Light festival. Even  then, they're only friendly on a base level. They especially won't appreciate the two digging through the past of the city's leadership: the Miracle Men.

The Miracle Men, stumbled upon Hollow Shades by accident, taking the wrong turn on a railroad track. They set up shop in town, taking advantage of the townspeople by selling the uninformed masses "Miracle Tonics." They quickly rose up in prominence, rising to mayorhood through the backs of their 'inventions,' almost the creators of sustainable light in Hollow Shades.

The festival of Light is the annual celebration of the Miracle Men's exploits.

When the two arrive, it's a day before the festival begins. They note that it's midday, but it's almost black as night. They take a while to adjust.

 They learn about some details behind the miracle name. Surprisingly, no one knows their names. All they know is that the MM are brothers who have a thirst for knowledge and innovation. They learn that they're reserved, and often make little appearances in public unless it's to display another miracle.

Twilight's immediately intrigued. Pinkie's a little bothered by the lack of sunlight.

They check into the hotel and realize that it’s only open around the week of the summer festival. Twilight asks what there is to do in town, but she's met with a cryptic, see the festival, and maybe dine at the restaurant.

In the hotel, the girls feel uncomfortable. They know there's something off.

CH. 2

It's the day of the festival, and suddenly, Hollow Shades is surrounded in light. Campfires, electric parades, etc lines the streets. There's bands, tourists, and locals stuffing the entire city.

They adventure around and learn more about the lore of the town.

The miracle men make an appearance at the end of the parade, promising the miracle of eternal life and beauty. Many rush the miracle men, but they single out a single girl, Twilight. They bring her on stage and prod her, asking her (in a very light way) why she's here. Twilight lies and says she's just visiting the festival. They offer her the gift and hand her the miracle tonic. Twilight takes it, but does not drink it, angering the Miracle Men.

On further investigation, Twilight discovers that it's just water and additives that do nothing. She becomes even more skeptical and knows something greater is going on.

Twilight offers to go out into the town to bring food back to the hotel. She leaves and as she walks through the streets, everyone suddenly disappears. She's standing in the middle of the streets, during the festival of light, and it's empty. The street buildings are now dark and shutting off until a spotlight displays the Miracle Men.

The men, still hiding under masks just stand there.

"Did you hear the one about the kidnapping, brother of mine?"

"No, brother. I can't say I have."

"She woke up a bit later... in a pool of her own blood."

They laugh. It's not evil nor maniacal, just enthused.

"Now, now Twilight," one of them says. "I didn't appreciate you lying to us earlier."

"It's deceptive, disgraceful," the other jumps in. "We like to play fair in our games, Twilight."

"After all, we are gambling men. But word of advice, dear."

"Never challenge the house."

"Because the house always wins."

When Twilight wakes up, she's lying in a puddle in the street.

"Drunkards," someone comments while stepping over Twilight.

Ch 3:

Twilight recounts the events to her friends. They are all immediately concerned and want to go home.

Twilight still thinks they have to do something. She has a feeling the MM weren't just talking about her when referring to the kidnapping. It's just a gut feeling. There was a reason Mr. E brought them here.

"He obviously wanted us to get killed by the Miracle Men," one of the girls comments.

"Maybe it's another test, like with Trixie."

"That's quite the difficulty spike."

The group decides to stick around for another day.

When out into the fair, Pinkie Pie notices a little girl crying, she goes over to try to cheer her up, but then the girl runs into the alley. Pinkie, naive and all, follows the girl. It's an ambush and Pinkie is caught and tossed into jail, the drunk tank, with bogus charges.

The girls quickly find her, and there's jokes and snide comments. They bail her out, fronting most of their money to eat for the next few days, and resolve to go home. On the way out, Pinkie notices a missing person flyer, the girl that she followed into the alley. Pinkie Brings this up to Twilight, who immediately attributes the missing girl to the joke the MM told her. They look at the name and make their way to find the girl's mother and question her.

She says that she lost her daughter the day before the festival. She ran off and never came home. She filed a report, but the only lead she got was that her daughter was last seen on a street where the Miracle Men own the largest casino in town, The Lotus Flower.

The lotus flower is a thing from the Odyssey and the lotus eaters, a race of people in greek mythology that ate the flowers that were narcotics that made the citizens apathetic and sluggish.

Gambling men, casino, kidnapping. They were hinting, and their stupid hubris got them caught. Unless that was their plan all along.Twilight decides to mount a disguise with Rarity's help and they investigate the casino.

The women who pass out drinks in the casino all have a powerful scent to them, flowery, light, rich and misty. The scent of a lotus flower. Twilight notes this. One of the waitresses passes a drink to a man on a slot machine who looks like he's about to leave. He takes a drink and decides not to leave and stays on the slot.

After sneaking around the back alleys, the girls discover an underground garden in black light and lotus flowers are being grown.

 Rainbow gets caught messing with a slot machine, and the girls have another run in with the police.

CH 4:

They eventually discover that the police are dirty and corrupt as most have the same stench of lotus flowers that came from the miracle men when she first met them.

The girls GET OUT BY BAIL, posted by MR. E. The old policeman that sets them free has white hair and beard and is, more importantly, the only person who does not reek of lotus flowers. They ask for his help, and he agrees.

When they get out, they make a beeline for the hotel and discover that it was ransacked. The stench of lotus flowers is persistent, but fading.  Notes and stuff and any evidence was torn up. They realize that they have no money, nowhere left to stay. It's now or never to depose of them.

Twilight has everything figured out now, but she holds back her answers until she confronts the Miracle Men.

With the help of the old policeman, Twilight and the girls storm the casino, and Twilight calls out the MM who appear in a puff of smoke.

"My you've been busy, Twilight Sparkle."

"We assume you know everything."

"Oh, brother, you know what happens when you make an assumption. You make an ass out of U and 'mption!"

They both cackle.

Twilight begins to explain a long Sherlockian explanation to the mystery.

The lotus flower exclusive to Hollow Shades is a narcotic, known for making the user vulnerable to suggestion and hallucinations. Twilight experienced this firsthand after being sprayed in the face with lotus scented perfume that led her to the solo run in with the MM. She explains that the citizens easily accepted the MM because of the lotus, and the MM realized and capitalized on it.

The masks the MM wear aren’t just for decoration, they're working gas masks that filter out the lotus pollen.

The MM have been luring locals and tourists into alleys using the pollen and kidnapping them, forcing them to work in underground gardens mass producing the lotus flowers into concentrated drinks (the tonic), perfumes (what made Twilight hallucinate, and the corsages the waitresses wear. THis explains why the miracle men stink of the Lotus.

They've been trying to mass produce and ship out the Miracle Tonic to expand their empire.

As Twilight puts the final nail in the case's coffin, there's a long, slow clapping behind her.

"Congratulations, Twilight Sparkle," the old officer says. "You really are as bright as your Equestrian counterpart."

"What?"

The old man steps forward. "Well, Flim, Flam. Twilight won, meaning you lost. Whelp, as gambling men, you should know that you have to pay your losses eventually."

With a sharp cackle, the officer pulls a pistol and shoots one of the brothers.

"Huh, so that's what it does. Human technology is quite entertaining."

"Who are you?"

"It's a mystery," he says cockily.

Without another word, he disappears in a cloud of smoke. Where he once stood was a letter, the exact same sent to Twilight. Except the letters of the first words of the sentence are bolded.

I AM DISCORD CHAOS CON CARNE

As the page begins to burn up, the phrase Q WUOT TG OK WJL EZQUWNP GRGI appears on the shriveled strip.

Epilogue:

While Flam or Flim,  really it don't matter who, nor do I really care, is admitted to the hospital. The girls recount what just happened. Set for the next fic yaddah. Twilight, remembering that Discord had hidden his code in the letter looks up various ciphers, and discovers that he used a one time pad approach for the random block of letters.

This is how the ONE TIME PAD CIPHER works:

To decipher a message, you take the first letter of the ciphertext and subtract the first random letter from the one-time pad. If the number is negative you wrap around to the end of the alphabet. So Q (the 18th letter) minus I (the ninth), would be eight, add in the 1, and you get nine which is I.

Twilight decodes it and it reads, "I WILL BE AT THE ELYSIAN GATE"

EPISODE III: THE ELYSIAN GATE

Prologue (Yep, it's actually necessary though)

Start off with a reenactment of (A-MARE-ican?) history with all the girls acting their roles Princess Platinum, Chancellor Puddinghead, and all that jazz. Sunset's narrating the play, but that don't matter really. What we learn through this absolutely necessary prologue is that Commander Hurricane and Chancellor Puddinghead fell in love with Princess Platinum. They wage war for her heart (a la The Trojan War), but eventually, the war loses its already hazy focus and quickly become a conquest of the lands until Platinum's land does not exist anymore, and all of its wealth and treasures has been stolen by the armies of both Pudding and Hurricane (a la The Fourth Crusade).

But, Princess Platinum becomes a casualty in the war as the capital is raided for their gold and jewels.

In mourning, the two tribe leaders make peace and decide to bury all the stolen riches into a lavish tomb for Platinum inside the Smokey Mountains, the same cave where the three tribes made peace in Hearth's Warming Eve. The entrance to the tomb was so beautiful they named it the Elysian Gate as it was Platinum's entrance into heaven.

The tomb was kept as a national treasure, protected as instructed until the millennial anniversary of its completion, where it  will be opened.

For the sake of convenience, it happens to be roughly a month after THE MIRACLE MEN.

After the girls finish the play and take their bows, they go back to their dressing room. Twilight notices a letter attached to flowers, addressed to Clover the Clever. The wax stamp "E." catches her attention. When she opens it, she discovers a picture of her and the rest of the mane seven on stage, except their foreheads have X's on them...

Along with googly eyes and drawn on mustaches.

Chapter 1:

The girls visit the Smokey Mountains, ready for the face off but even still Twilight wants to know if the legend of the Elysian Gate has any truth behind it. She speculates it was just a rumor to draw in crowds because a massive new supply of gold will just destroy the economic markets with severe hyperinflation.

When the gate is finally opened, Discord is sitting atop the pile of gold, cockily swirling a chalice filled with gold coins. Just as the police and guards try to rush him, an earthquake erupts, splitting the tomb open and swallowing every last instance of gold into the seemingly bottomless pit.

Floating above the chasm, Discord reveals that he had swiped the Alicorn Amulet for himself, He knew Trixie was beatable with it on, but now he knows its rules. He challenges the girls (specifically Twilight) to a series of Trials, that will eventually lead to where he is hiding, so they could actually face off.

He leaves with the cryptic message, "You will find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow."

Discord disappears, and the giant gold gate behind them closes.

They all look toward Rainbow Dash, who cries that she doesn't know the answer.

The rainbow line purposefully leads to a red-herring involving RD, the real answer is the unique caves under the Smokey Mountains, home to brightly colored stalagmites and stalactites.

They find this out by hearing the sound of rushing water below them, and Twilight brings up the underground Rainbow caves where an underground river, rich with minerals carved them out. [BASED]http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2314055/Chinas-amazing-rainbow-cave-Multi-coloured-mood-lighting-showcases-array-stalactites-stone-pillars-rock-formations.html&sa=D&ust=1462862425057000&usg=AFQjCNFhzdIlcz\_Mi2WV5gnURapah6g-NA]BASED](https://www.google.com/url?q=[url=http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2314055/Chinas-amazing-rainbow-cave-Multi-coloured-mood-lighting-showcases-array-stalactites-stone-pillars-rock-formations.html&sa=D&ust=1462862425057000&usg=AFQjCNFhzdIlcz_Mi2WV5gnURapah6g-NA) ON THIS DOPE ASS LOOKING CAVE[/url], though, it's made that color by artificial lights.

The only way for them to get into the cave now that the gate is locked behind them is to jump.

Fluttershy is too scared, and Rainbow Dash decides to stay with her.

The rest jump.

Up above, a group of henchmen try to capture the two that didn't jump. Rainbow fights them off as best as she could, but she can't any more. She either saves Flutters by convincing her to jump or jumps alone, leaving Flutters behind. (I haven't decided on which).

The rest of the story is basically trials and puzzles that the girls work their way through. They all have a theme revolving around the Commander Hurricane vs Puddinghead war for Platinum's heart. It ends with Rarity captured and Rainbow and Pinkie forced to fight in an arena in front of many for Rarity's freedom. Twilight tries to stop them from doing any true damage and plans an escape for the three.

But Pinkie tackles Twilight, and Twilight smells the strong lotus flower from Miracle Men on her breath.