Princess Celestia looked over Canterlot from her bedroom window, her heart swelling with pride at all the happy ponies down below, going about their business happily. Those were her subjects, and she cared for them all very deeply, willing to sacrifice anything for them. Fortunately, war had not come upon Equestria for thousands of years, as the ancient treaties with the Diamond Dogs and Time Lords still held strong, save for a few rogue Diamond Dog tribes and the occasional mad Time Lord.
A knock sounded on the door. “My Lady, I have some news you might be concerned about.”
She didn’t look away from her kingdom, not showing her intrique. “Concerning?”
“Ponyville, my lady.”
Celestia turned to the door, her interest piqued. “Enter.”
A Royal Guard entered, clad in his usual suit of armour with its Roman headdress, and bowed. “A woman emerged from the Everfree in macabre dressings and requested an audience with you, milady. We believe she is mad; when we tried to apprehend her she attacked us. Fourteen royal guardscolts are now in the hospital being treated for deep lacerations.”
She raised an eyebrow. “But you did apprehend her?”
He nodded, not once daring to glance up on his treasured princess. “Eventually, milady.”
The alicorn nodded. “I will visit the guardscolts soon to reward them for their bravery. Is that all?”
The Admiral paused before shaking his head. “It…it wasn’t a mare, milady.”
Celestia blinked, confused. “Then what was it?”
“That’s just it, milady, we don’t know. It walked on two legs like a Diamond Dog, but in all my years I have never seen a Diamond Dog look as she did. She had more resemblance to a bald ape than a Diamond Dog. And she just kept shrieking, all throughout her arrest. She said, ‘Take me to see Princess Celestia. I have direct instructions from the Red Queen to come here and talk to your ruler. Take me to your princess.’” He shuddered. “Mad. Utterly mad.”
The princess’ eyes widened. No. It couldn’t possibly be… “Where is she imprisoned?”
He looked surprised. “The Town Jail, awaiting transfer to Rutledge Asylum, milady. I don’t mean to question your judgement, but…why do you want to know?”
Rutledge. No, she wouldn’t particularly like that. The name would bring back too many bad memories. “It’s perfectly all right, Admiral.” She began walking out the door. “I’ll be going out for a short fly. Got to keep those wing muscles in shape, after all.”
Of course he had been tasked with looking over the murderous madwoman.
Why should it be otherwise? Nopony else wanted to look after her after she began giving demented smiles like she knew something they didn’t and kept playing around with her large knife. So, it fell upon the rookie to do the job nopony else would do. Speaking of large knives…
“Miss, if you don’t stop producing knives from your dress I’m afraid we’ll have to do a full cavity search just to find out if we got them all.” The guard snatched the knife away. “How did you even fit so many knives into your pockets?”
She looked at him, irritated and hunched over; as the cell had been built for ponies it didn’t particularly fit a creature of her stature. “It’s just the one. Mind you, if you try and rummage about through my clothes I’m afraid you’ll find that I’ll be most disagreeable to the concept.”
“I’m afraid your opinion of the matter is irrelevant, miss…”
She smiled that creepy smile again; he wished she’d stop doing that. “Alice. Alice Liddel. And I’m afraid that my opinion matters far more than you believe.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Did you say just the one?”
She nodded. “Yes, I did.”
The guard shook his head. “Impossible. We have confiscated twenty-four knives from you in the past hour.”
There it was again. “I think you’ll find that once the Vorpal Blade has reunited with me it’ll take far more than…what was it? A ‘full cavity search’ to separate us again. It tends to scurry along back into my pocket when neither of us are looking.”
He scoffed. “You talk about your weapon as if it is alive.”
He really wished she’d quit doing that. By now he was extremely unnerved by this strange creature. “Who’s to say it isn’t?”
The door opened and the guard gasped and bowed. “Princess Celestia!”
“Is this how you treat your visitors, Princess?” The madwoman asked drily. “Not quite how I remember it.”
The aforementioned ruler walked over to the girl’s cell and studied her, a look of shock and surprise growing on her face. “Let her go.”
The guard blinked. “What? But—Princess, you must understand, this girl is mad—”
“Admiral Dusk has informed me of her mental condition. I will take the girl into my custody and she will receive her private audience.” Celestia’s face conveyed her dead serious manner at the moment.
“D-don’t you want somepony guarding you, Princess? I mean, this is the twenty-fifth knife—” He held up his hoof and the knife was gone. He started and turned back to the prisoner; twiddling about with her bloodstained knife, examining the markings on its side. “She did it again!”
Celestia smiled, amused. “I’m certain I will be fine. Let the girl go and return to your post.” Reluctantly, the guard complied, and Alice got out and began stretching. “Let’s go, Alice. If you are here, then I suspect there is much to talk about.”
“Wait, how do you know her?” The two began walking out of the prison. “Princess? Who is she?” Both neglected to answer.
Alice sat on a plush armchair in the Princess’ quarters, allowing herself to get comfortable. Quite a step up from the cramped prison cell, she thought.
Her alicorn host walked back into the room, levitating a tea tray holding a teapot and two teacups. “I assume you still like tea, Alice.”
She nodded, taking a cup and partaking in a sip. “That was awfully rude of your guards to arrest me.”
The princess sat in a chair opposite Alice, also taking a sip of tea. “You’ll have to excuse them, Alice. They have absolutely no clue who you are. And, might I add, it is not wise to wear a horseskin dress to a land of equines.” Indeed, Alice’s new dressings were stitched out of pony skin; the cutie marks of many poor unnamed ponies, with the wings of many unfortunate pegasui stitched onto the back with a unicorn horn necklace replacing her usual Omega pendant necklace.
“Well, I can hardly help how I’m dressed. My subconscious chooses my outfits for me, and it seems to be quite cheeky at the moment.” Alice commented before taking another sip of tea. “Did you say they had no idea who I was? They don’t remember? You haven’t told them?”
Celestia sighed. “No. I didn’t want them to know. No offense is intended, Alice, but I must say it would jar my people at least a bit to know that they are all simply inventions of a madwoman.”
“I can hardly take offense at the truth.” Alice set her tea down. “Enough small talk, Celestia. The Red Queen did not send me here on a wild goose chase, or at least, she’d best hope that she didn’t. Tell me what information you have on the Infernal Train.”
Celestia blinked at the request. “Infernal Train? Alice, there hasn’t been an Infernal anything in Equestria since we separated ourselves from Wonderland.”
Alice thought. “Perhaps it’s going by a different name. Have you seen a train that looks rather like a Gothic cathedral? It’s very urgent. I must know if I am to best madness again.”
She shook her head. “No, the only trains I have heard of are the ones going in and out of Appaloosa. But, Alice…did I hear that right? The Red Queen sent you?”
Alice nodded and retrieved her tea, taking another drink. “Yes.”
Celestia shuddered. “Alice…since you were gone, the Red Queen turned into a monster. Everypony suffered under her rule. It’s why we separated ourselves in the first place.”
Alice nodded again. “I realize that. I had to kill her to regain my sanity; she is the embodiment of my madness, you know. I’m not sure whether I can be here and she can be dead at the same time.” She sipped her tea. “Anyhow, we’ve struck a truce. A common enemy, an outside force driving me mad from the outside has forced her hand. Only, I don’t quite know who it is yet.” She took a glance outside. “Lovely statues you have out in the garden. What’s that mad one, who looks like a little bit of everything?”
“Discord.” The princess sipped her tea. “Just recently, though, he broke out and tried to bring chaos upon Equestria. Luckily, the Elements of Harmony were able to stop him in time, although…” She frowned. “Discord was never real. He was an invention of ours, an idea to explain the pain and suffering everypony’s ancestors felt under the Red Queen. To this day, I don’t know how he became flesh and blood.”
“An idea can become reality if enough people believe in it.” Alice suggested. “I realize it sounds like the sort of mad thing Cheshire would say, but…it is Wonderland.” She smiled drily. “When in Rome…”
“How is the Cat doing these days?” Celestia asked.
“Mangy.” Alice’s face took on a look of irritation. “Very nearly skeletal, speaks in cryptic riddles. He’s been absolutely no help at all.”
“And the Hatter? I do miss the tea parties at times.”
“Dead.” She stated grimly. “He went truly mad, became obsessed with time. The Dormouse and the March Hare were turned into cyborgs. Sometime later, they managed to get out of the pitiful situation I encountered them in and overthrow the Hatter, taking control of his domain and reducing him to pieces. I had to run about the place, collecting his limbs from the new leaders, who were most unwilling to part with their pieces, might I add, let his machines put him back together, and get through the Dormouse and March Hare to escape, all the while dealing with whatever beasts the corruption in my mind decides to throw at me. And what does he do afterwards?” She looked disgusted. “He tries to have a tea party with their corpses. I was glad when the ceiling collapsed on him—“
“Stop!” Celestia looked sick. “Alice…just…stop.” She took a moment. “Is-is everyone I knew from Wonderland in such a sorry state?”
She simply remained silent and refilled her tea cup.
“Oh…” Celestia’s head hung low in sadness.
“My insanity has twisted Wonderland into a shell of what it once was. Once my sanity is restored, it may revert to a relatively peaceful state, but you shouldn’t think it’ll be quite the same again.” Alice took the opportunity to fill Celestia’s teacup for her. “Perhaps you were quite right in abandoning ship.”
“Could I have helped them?” Celestia asked. “By staying in Wonderland?”
Alice shook her head. “The influence of my insanity is all-reaching. I don’t know exactly how it works, but I think that if you’d stayed, you might have turned into another poor dictator who fell to the Vorpal Blade.”
“Tia?” A regal voice drifted into the room. “Prince Blueblood wishes to see you. He claims ‘tis important—” The moon princess walked into the room and gasped at the sight of Alice, bowing. “Lady Alice! Thou hast returned!”
“Rise.” Luna obeyed at once. “Yes, I’m back, Princess. Though not with good news, I’m afraid. Perhaps you have information on the Infernal Train?”
“Infernal Train?” Luna frowned and began walking towards the window. “Alas, Lady Alice, I am afraid that such a train is unknown to me. If you could inform me of what it looks like…”
“Think ‘Gothic Cathedral’ on wheels.” Alice said calmly.
“There is no such train in Equestria.” Luna looked away from the window, facing her sister and Alice. “I have not seen this Infernal Train you speak of, nor do I know anything of it. My deepest apologies, Lady Alice.”
A train horn sounded in the distance.
“That’ll be the Appaloosan trains, then?” Alice asked conversationally.
“No…” Celestia’s face took on a look of confusion. “They aren’t scheduled to run for another hour.”
“Supply train, then?”
The horn sounded again, louder this time. “No. They aren’t leaving the station for half hour after that.”
Alice’s eyes grew wide, and she rose quickly from her chair, dropping her tea. “Luna, get away from the window!”
A train most similar in resemblance to a Gothic cathedral smashed through the window and adjacent wall, engulfing Luna and continuing through its path for a minute. Hellish firelight radiated from the windows as a deafening horn sounded, ringing in their ears for a few seconds. And then, the Infernal Train was gone, taking Luna with her.
“No!” Celestia rushed to the area, looking through the shattered window and broken wall, searching desperately for some trace of her sister.
“She’s gone.” Alice stated. “I’m sorry.”
“Bring her back!” The alicorn shouted in extreme desperation and distress.
“You know I don’t have that much control over my mind.” She walked over to the window. “I must express my condolences, but I’m afraid your mourning period must be cut short for the time being.”
A scene of utter madness reigned outside. Vaguely human shaped blobs of vile black corruption with doll faces were forming in the formerly peaceful city, accompanied by horrid steeds made of pollution with flaming tails and a hole where their cutie mark should be. “They have managed to find this place.”
“Alice…” Celestia attempted to dry her eyes, only to find they were constantly rewetting themselves in her grief. “What-what are they? What do I do?”
“They are the corruption attempting to destroy my mind. And they are killing your people.” Alice explained. “I don’t think even the full force of the Guard can hold them back indefinitely. I’m afraid you must seek outside shelter for your people.” She stared into Celestia’s face, dead serious. “Return to Wonderland.”
The alicorn shook her head violently, her eyes widening in horror. “No. No, it’s a madhouse of death and destruction. I will not bring my subjects to such a place, Alice!”
“Your personal preference does not signify, Celestia.” Alice said coldly as she walked towards the door. “I shall notify the Cat and the Red Queen that you are seeking sanctuary. They will lead you to safety in Queensland, albeit reluctantly in the Red Queen’s case. You will remove the mental block that has separated Equestria from Wonderland for so long, gather your people and come to the forest where you will meet the Cheshire Cat.”
“But they’re mad.” Celestia’s voice attempted to regain some regal confidence and strength. “All of them are absolutely mad, Alice. I will not have my subjects go among mad people!”
“I’m afraid you can’t help that matter, Celestia.” Alice turned back and drew her Vorpal Blade, spinning it in her hands before holding it in a stabbing position, an insane grin plastered on her face. “We’re all mad here.” She walked out the door, ready to rid herself of her inner demons once more.
The ruler of all Equestria stood for many minutes, mourning her younger sister. After taking a few shuddering breaths, she finally rose and walked towards her window and faced the chaos outside.
Ponies were dying.
Her horn began to glow and the sky outside began to wane and quiver, slowly dissolving to a scene of strange impossible things; a ruined clockwork castle floating in the air, a red castle made of what looked like flesh, a forest filled with oversized mushrooms and statues that cried. “Everypony head to the Everfree Forest!” She boomed, magically enhancing her voice. “I repeat, everypony please head to the Everfree Forest!” The land in front of her looked nothing like the one she knew from thousands of years ago; Wonderland certainly had changed. “We’re going home.”
