Rainbow Dash Is Shitting On You

by PRlNCESS CADENCE

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 2515

Rainbow Dash needs a toilet. Ehh, you're good enough.

A true, true friend helps a friend in need. A friend will be there to help you cleanse your rectum from all the fecal matter building inside of it. When your boss needs help though, will you be a true, true friend?

Trigger warning: Contains Rainbow Dash

Decided to jump on the bandwagon. This story is a response to this and that.

Published 2016-02-23 02:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-23 02:50:01 UTC

"I hate my job."

You lean back in Rainbow Dash’s plush bed, enjoying yet another evening of some well deserved rest and relaxation. Being a weather pony is actually pretty hard work, what with moving clouds from one place to another, kicking clouds when it needs to be sunny, plus the occasional time when you’re scolded for being a dick to the passersby. To be fair, you didn't know it was Fluttershy, and you didn't know it was a thunder cloud. It’s not your fault she had a panic attack and needed to get taken to the hospital. Jeeze, some ponies just can’t take a j--

“Will you go home already?!”

You’re immediately pulled out of your comfy position and flung to the floor like a slingshot in Rainbow Dash’s sheets. Rubbing your head, you turn back to Rainbow Dash and groan, “Hey what gives?”

“You’ve been lying in my bed for three hours! I get you’re tired after that big rainstorm, but can’t you sleep at your own house?”

“Of course not! You know my bed isn't as comfy as yours.” You irritatedly bite the sheets out of Rainbow’s mouth, lay them back over the bed and try finding that cozy position you were in just a minute ago. “Just wait till I get that promotion to the rainbow factory. Nothing bad ever happens over there.”

“But this is my house!”

“I know, and it’s way better than mine, which is why I sleep here. Good night.” Taking a deep breath, Rainbow yanks the covers off again, this time much more calmly than the last. “What’s your deal, Rainbow?”

“My ‘deal’ is that I want my bed now, and it’s time for you to go to your house. I want to be alone in my bed.”

You grimace. “Gross. Girl time.”

“That’s NOT what I--UUUGGGGHHHHH!!!” Rainbow smacked her hoof to her face, trying to regain composure. “That’s it. Next time we’re going to your house.”

“What? No way! My place is a mess! I don’t wanna relax over there.”

“Listen, you want that promotion right? Since you’ve been on my weather squad for a good while now, I may be able to give weather control a recommendation, but only if you get off my bed and we go to your place for a change.”

You want to interject, but that was actually a pretty sweet bribe. As much as you hate going back home, you hate the grunt work of moving clouds from place to place even more. Groaning loudly and emphatically, you get off the bed and start moving towards the door, hoping Rainbow doesn't mind you taking her sheets back home with you. She does.

“Tomorrow’s gonna be a long day,” you murmur under your breath.

“So,” Rainbow Dash says as the two of you fly home from work, “what’s your place like?”

“A dump. You sure you don’t wanna head back to your place inst--”

“Cloud kicking is the best, isn’t it? I bet you wouldn’t mind doing it for the rest of your life.”

You want to think of some smartaleck response, but you know she’s got you beat. “Touché… blue butt bitch.”

“Wha?”

“I said we’re here!”

The two of you then arrive at a small house built with the most ghetto cirrus clouds you could imagine. You can see a small twitch in Rainbow Dash’s eye, which you hope means that she’ll never bring you back to this dump again. The moment you walk in, things don’t get much better. Your bed is in the middle of the living room, taking up half the size of your small house. There’s a mini fridge in the corner and a pinball machine off to the side, but those items together pretty much fill your living quarters.

You flash Rainbow Dash a triumphant smile, causing her grimace to break. “It’s uhh…” she begins. “It’s a nice place you’ve got here.”

“I know,” you say, flopping on the bed and laying on your stomach. “You wanna take a nap with me?” Rainbow exchanges disgusted looks between you and the bed. It doesn’t look any dirtier than you do, but she looks at it like she’ll break her back if she tries jumping on it like you did. “What’s the matter, Rainbow?”

“N-nothing!” Realizing that she’s been waiting too long, she sucks up her fears and slowly sits down on the bed, hoping her pelvis bone won’t break if she sits down too fast. “You uhh, have a nice place here!”

“I get paid a weather pony salary. Don’t be cute.”

“Do they really pay you that bad?”

“Ha! You admit it!”

Rainbow Dash quickly brings her hoof to her mouth, but then immediately tries playing it off like it never happened. “Admit what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You hate my house, don’t you?” You bring your smug face closer and closer to Rainbow Dash, who backs away in discomfort.

“Hey, I never said that! Anyway, where do you keep your bathroom around here?”

“I don’t.”

Rainbow’s eyes go wide. She can tell you’re serious, but she doesn't want to fall for it. “Come on. You have to have a bathroom! I mean, where else would you go?”

“Work, your house, the occasional cloud.”

“How can you not--ewwwwwww!! How can you not have a bathroom?!”

“Hey, if you want, we can always go back to your place.”

Rainbow’s eyes shoot to the ground, which you hope means you’ve won, but instead, she lifts her head triumphantly and says, “Nahhh. I can hold it.”

“OH, COME ON!”

“Problem?” Rainbow says, leaning back on your bed and placing a pair of sunglasses over her face.

Your face contorts. You feel like your brain is melting trying to come up with new ways to get out of your smelly old cloud and back into her pillowy bed sheets. You aren’t done trying just yet, though. You’ll make sure she knows to never mess with your napping again.

“If you want, I’ve got plenty of drinks,” you say with a smirk. “I can tell how dehydrated you must be, moving all those rain clouds. In fact, I think I’ll pour myself something right now!”

“I know what you’re trying to do, and it isn’t working!” You don’t bother to listen to her. Instead, you pull out a wine glass and bottle of lemonade from your mini fridge and pour the drink as slowly as you can, smugly grinning at Rainbow Dash, even as the glass begins to overflow. As soon as you can feel that the bottle is empty (half of its contents in your glass and half everywhere else), you bring the glass to your lips letting gravity pull it down your mouth and dribble all over your coat.

“I said it isn’t going to work,” Rainbow says again, adding a grin of her own. “I don’t have to pee.”

“What do you mean you don’t have to pee? You just asked a second ago where--OH LUNA’S ASS THAT’S DISGUSTING!” You lean over your bed, holding your hoof to your mouth like you’ll throw up at any minute.

“Hey! It’s not that gross! All girls do it!”

“Where’s my trashcan? I need… I need…” You’re now crawling on the floor, milking this experience as much as you can.

“It’s not like I can help it if you don’t have a bathroom!”

Weakly lifting yourself onto your bed again, you give Rainbow Dash the sickest face you’ve got and say, “There’s only one thing we can do. We have to go to your place.”

“This again?! Look, I’d rather take a shit on your bed than come all the way here just to go back home after five minutes.”

You’re about to tell her off for grossing you out even more, but just before the words escape your lips, an idea creeps in your brain. It would be a pretty big gamble, but if the bargain paid off, you’d never have to come home again.

“Do it.”

Rainbow Dash cocks an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“Shit on my bed.”

“Hold it! I see what you’re trying to do! I’m not going to ruin your bed just so you’ll have an excuse to sleep in mine!”

Crap. Maybe it was more obvious than you thought, but that’s OK. You’ve got another idea.

“Actually, no! It’s my fetish. I love--*gag*--I love poop.”

“Uhh… weird… I still think this is a--”

“If you don’t believe me, then shit on me!”

You’re already regretting the words that came out. It happened without you even thinking. You wanted to come off as weird, but something like that would make you come off as a freak! Maybe you could just take it back and she’d forget all about it. As soon as you open your mouth, though, she interrupts you.

“OK.”

You pause and cock an eyebrow of your own. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I said OK, and can we make it quick? I seriously have to go right now.”

You’re about to tell her to fuck off, but you being the creative genius you are, come up with another idea. You’d have to weigh your options for sure, but maybe if you did it right, you’d be able to sleep all night at Rainbow’s place tonight.

“OK, uh… Let’s do this, I guess,” you say, laying down on your bed. Rainbow Dash grimaces and gets on top of you, her rear end inches away from your face. You can tell that this is just as awkward for her as it is for you as she tries to find a position that will suit your fetish without making too big of a mess. After several long moments, finally, she farts. Gas expells out her backside and covers your face in a cloud of her puffed up waste.

“Gah! Luna’s ass! Can you turn around or something?”

Rainbow swiftly pulls herself up and readjusts herself, her cheeks a shade of red that almost matches her eyes. “Sorry,” she says. “Never done this before.” With her rear end now slightly lifted over your pelvis, a small yellow stream begins to trickle down your stomach with another puff of gas warming up your loins. You squeeze your eyes shut in response to the warm liquid wettening your fur, but you keep yourself still, knowing it’ll all be over in a minute.

Then, as you look up, you see Rainbow’s eyes squeezing shut herself as she squats over your pelvis. After a few long moments, you finally begin to feel a firm yet soft log break out of Rainbow’s rectum and flop onto your dick. You wince again at how uncomfortable you both are, but let her continue. It’s too late to stop her now.

She obviously has to push harder to get the second strand out, squatting lower to the point where her stool brushes against your shaft before it even gets the chance to let gravity pull it out. The sensation is sickening, but for some reason, the feeling of her waste smearing against your cock makes it begin to grow out of its sheath.

“Whoa!” you yell at it. “What are you doing?! Stop!”

“I can’t!” Rainbow exclaims urgently, thinking you’re speaking to her. Suddenly, she flinches, and you can tell that your shaft had extended far enough to begin prodding Rainbow’s anus. “Hey! Cut it out!”

“I can’t! Just keep pooping!”

“Well I can’t with your dick in my ass!”

“I can’t control it! You’re just going to have to push harder!”

Rainbow Dash then clenches her abdomen and pushes as hard as she can, competing for dominance between her waste and your penis. You both begin grunting in the heated battle, but the more you try to keep your dick from getting any bigger, the farther in it goes. Plus, to make matters worse, as Rainbow Dash tries harder to push out her stool, she ends up squatting down further, pushing your penis further inside.

“Gaaaah!” Rainbow shouts. “This is hopeless!”

“You can do it, Rainbow! You just have to believe in the magic of friendship!”

“I’ve never used the magic of friendship with a dick in my ass, though!”

“Hold on! I think something’s happening!”

Just as soon as the words leave your mouth, you can feel a tension building up in your groin. The constant movement of Rainbow’s butt moving up and down your shaft put it under a pressure it couldn’t take, and as her rectum wraps around your dick with as much force as she can muster, your balls begin to tense up and release. To the surprise of you both, you begin cumming violently in Rainbow Dash’s butthole, pushing Rainbow’s poop back in further with each pulse of your throbbing penis. The gentle grip of her anal cavity brings you even more pleasure, making you flex your hips upward in return.

“Hey!” Rainbow shouts, beginning to feel her butt fill up rather than empty. “What are you doing?”

“I can’t help it! It feels so good!”

“Are you cumming inside me?!”

Rainbow quickly pulls her hips off of your dick, which flops back against your stomach, trailing semen along your fur. The cyan mare looks back and tries pooping again, this time trying to get your seed out of her as well as the remaining stool. With a final push, the battered fecal matter crumbles out of her anus like cookie dough in a mix of waste and semen, falling with a plop against your shaft.

The two of you both look awardly at each other, trying to catch your breaths in the most uncomfortable sexual encounter ever. “So…” Rainbow says, avoiding eye contact. “I’m starting to think that maybe my place would be better after all.”

“You know what I think?” You bring your hoof up and rub it against Rainbow Dash’s cheek. “I think you’re a wonderful mare, and I wouldn't have shared my first experience with anypony else.”

“Yeeeeeaaaaaahhhhh, I’m still grossed out about that.” Rainbow then jumps off of the bed, trying not to look at her own excrement. “Plus I doubt that was really your first time.”

“First time doing anal.”

“How ‘bout we stop talking about this?”

“Sounds good to me. Hey, can I come over? I need a bath.”

Rainbow smiles back at you as she opens up your door. “I think you’ve been through enough of my doors for one day.”

“Wait, are you serious?!” you say, sitting up in terror. “I’m covered in your dump here!”

“I thought it was your fetish! Besides…” Rainbow trails off just before the door closes behind her. “You can use a cloud.”

As soon as the door is shut, you look down at yourself, covered not just in excrement, but somepony else’s excrement. The worst part of it all was, in your tough talk to get out of your bed, you ended up just making sleep that much harder to get tonight. No comfy covers, no view of the Cloudsville night sky, and still no bathroom anywhere close.

“Shit!”