Applejack's Acceptance of Loss

by PonyThunder

Rating: everyone
Tags: Dark, Sad
Length: 1113

Granny Smith has passed away, and Applejack knows she needs to stay strong for those around her, but she's not sure if she can.

Granny Smith has passed away, and Applejack knows she needs to stay strong for those around her, but it brings up repressed memories and she's not sure if she can. Following the events of her loss, Applejack will traverse through what she thought she had already dealt with before.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-22 02:10:01 UTC

Chapter 1 - Denial

The birds did not sing amidst the treetops, nor did the woodland creatures chatter and talk to one another. Rain drizzled down from the darkened skies, falling onto the wooden rooftop of the Apple family's home, spilling messily off the sides. The air was wet and cold, filled with nothing but the soft applause of rain pattering against the damp, muddy ground.

Inside, the Apple family were going through one of the more depressing times they had ever experienced. Applejack and Big Mac had dealt with the loss of family members before, but for Apple Bloom this was a first, and she wasn't taking things as well as Applejack had hoped.  Everypony knew that Granny Smith was getting fairly old, but never once gave it a thought that she would ever be gone. Nopony would want to think about death unless they were forced to by circumstances out of their control.

The news of Granny Smith's death came in a quiet whisper during the night, discovered in her bed only by Applejack in the early morning when she did not stir from Applejack's awakening. A chilling silence drifted through the air as she realized that Granny Smith had become deceased in her sleep. Looking down on the peaceful face of her beloved granny, a million thoughts raced into her mind, all of them obscured by an aura of emotion that welled up inside her, threatening to seep out in a mournful wail that made her throat tighten and face become warm. Not now, Applejack thought to herself, pushing back her emotions into herself. Not now, not now, she repeated, audibly whispering the words. She needed to be strong, not for herself, but for Apple Bloom. She knew what it felt like to lose her parents, and when she did, she didn't have a big sister there to comfort her in her time of need. Apple Bloom needs me to be strong, she thought, but wasn't sure if she could be.

Applejack broke the news as best as she could as everypony came into the kitchen for breakfast. It hurt more than she could have ever imagined, seeing Apple Bloom and Big Macintosh come into the kitchen with smiling faces, knowing that she had to be the one to transform them into frowns.

"I...have some, well...news that you need to know," she said awkwardly as they came into the kitchen. The tone in her voice was somber and deep, Apple Bloom noticed. She hardly ever heard her sister talk in such a way before. "I don't know how to put this delicately," she continued, "so I'm just going to go out and say it: Granny Smith didn't wake up."

Big Macintosh immediately understood, and a mixture of surprise and dread spread across his face. Apple Bloom looked confused and dazed. "Whadd'ya mean, she didn't wake up? Ain't she always the one who's up real early?"

Oh, Apple Bloom, Applejack thought. Please, don't let this hurt you so much. There was no way of dancing around the subject, she realized. It was better to get it over with than drag it out painfully. "Apple Bloom...Granny Smith is deceased," she said with complete dead-pan.

"..wha--no, she can't..."

"It's okay, Apple Bloom. We all knew this day was comin', it was just a matter of time--"

"But she--she--she's just fine!" Apple Bloom's voice became more distraught. "Just yesterday she was showing me pictures from--she's fine!"

"Sugarcube..."

Tears welling up in her eyes, she ran into Granny Smith's room and stopped dead in her tracks in the doorway.

"Apple Bloom," said Applejack as she approached slowly behind her. "I know it's tough, but these things happen. To everypony." She paused and took a long sigh.

"But why," Apple Bloom replied and looked up to her sister, a surprising amount of tears in her eyes.

Stay strong, stay strong, Applejack repeated her mantra in her thoughts. Watching her little sister having this horrible experience was worse than experiencing it for herself. Looking down at this filly, she saw herself many years ago on the day their parents had died. Apple Bloom was just a baby at the time, but for Applejack, the experience was very real in her mind. All of the emotions flooded back to her, and once again she repressed them as deeply as she could. It's what she'd always done since that day. Emotions clouded judgement, and without proper judgement, bad things could happen. Everypony thought Applejack was as tough as a rock, but in truth she was as broken and tattered up on the inside as anypony else, if not more.

"Death is just a part of life," Applejack replied. "You just can't have one without the other. Come on now, let's not stay here." She led her little sister out of the room.

"I...need to go be alone," Apple Bloom told them both.

Applejack nodded to her sister.

Huddled up in her room under several layers of blankets and pillows, Apple Bloom lay curled up in a little ball, unsure of what to do with herself. She was more mature now, and growing up watching her granny get older and older, she thought that she would have been more prepared to face the facts when the time finally came. But she wasn't. The news had hit her like a train that had gone off the tracks, and continued to for several agonizing minutes until she had no tears left to cry out. She wanted to deny it -- deny that Granny Smith was actually gone for good. The idea seemed so bizarre and distant to her, but she could not escape it.

"Apple Bloom," said the low, concerned voice of Big Macintosh from a crack in the doorway.

She tussled her way out of the mound of blankets she had buried herself in to face him with dried tears on her cheeks.

"I know how tough this must be on 'ya," he continued, "but I want you to know that it's okay for you to cry and let it all out."

Hearing her big brother's soothing voice immediately brought calmness into her mind. She sniffled and replied, "But don't I need to be strong?"

"There's nothing wrong with letting yourself go sometimes. It's not healthy to bottle up your emotions. You can come down whenever you're ready to and we'll be there for you."

"Okay," she replied once again with another sniffle, and Big Macintosh left the room to go back downstairs and meet with Applejack to figure out what to do now in this situation, and couldn't help but wonder what emotions Applejack might be hiding underneath the surface.