Author's Note
Stop. I know this is huge. But read my note before proceeding.
So. I have a backlog of old writing. A lot of it. A chunk of what I post is some of that backlog that I've edited to death and put up here.
This story was one of the oldest. So one of my first few pieces of writing for mlp fiction. It was indeed a venting place. A vent towards myself. The "Change yourself in order to be loved" premise was something that I believed at the time.
I don't believe it now. At all.
So, out of a desire to release content, spawned by guilt from not writing much recently. I tried editing this thing. After about the second edit spree, I realized that there was absolutely no way to save this thing. And trust me, this was after removing 3 other dark, heavy plot elements that were completely unnecessary and Uncrucial to the actual plot.
Sorry. 'Plot'
After deleting 2k words and adding 3.2k words, I wasn't sure if I should take it out back, or post it and walk away. I did the latter, hoping it would end up being completely ignored.
I got featured.
So, there really was no turning back at that point. The story was up. I can't change it now. A ton of unnecessary plot elements. Out of character actions that could have been explained with proper build up, but there was none. Most of the proper interesting story is TOLD and not shown.
The story is one black and red Alicorn OC away from being the type of story people laugh about to make them feel better about their own skills.
The correct move was to not post anything. But I felt like I needed to. Prolonged silence or a hiatus just seemed to be the worst thing I could possibly do. At the time anyway. Now if I remove the story... (That probably wouldn't be missed) I worry that I'll be removing some sort of integrity. But perhaps it's worse to have a story like that in my catalogue at all? I'm not sure.
I tried editing a bad story into a good one. Like decorating a bad cake. Eventually, no matter how much frosting or filling you put on it, it's still going to put people off at the first bite.
At this point I'm shocked at the number of up votes and favorites it has.
One Shot
You scramble into a nearby alley to get out of the pouring rain. The night is dark and you find yourself alone in an eerie silence. Most shops were closed long ago and the lights of the surrounding houses are turning out for a night of well deserved rest. Yet, here you are, stuck in the cold rain in a dark alleyway.
Trying to make a shameful buck.
Leaning up against the brick wall, you try to make use of what little dry shelter you have in your resting place. You suppose it could be called your home. At least for tonight. You don't have a house or apartment, because you can't get a job. You can't get a job because none of the ponies respect you.
It's hard to forget how it all began. It started with the welcoming party Pinkie Pie threw for you. Twilight was more than happy to take you in when you arrived in the town of Ponyville by some mysterious circumstance. When you went to the welcoming party, you and Twilight had a bit too much to drink. One thing lead to another... and the next thing you remember, Twilight is nuzzled up in your arms, your naked body holding her closely.
That's when the rumors spread.
"Anon's paying the rent by rutting Twilight!"
"I wonder how good he is?"
"Will he accept other favors for sex?"
It was a one-night tryst. Despite the feelings for her that boiled underneath your skin, it didn't mean anything in the long run. The both of you admitted what happened was a mistake and wrote it off. However, she did say she still remembered everything from that night...
That's not the point though.
Despite your best attempts to persuade the public, they wouldn't listen. That didn't stop the horny, lonely mares from swarming on you. All you wanted was a normal job. That way you could pay Twilight some sort of rent. She was selfless enough to take you in when you needed it most. But, everywhere you applied they would only give you the job if you performed sexual favors for them. You turned down each and every job in the meantime. Twilight was so encouraging and helpful. She made you feel like you could really accomplish anything if you set your mind to it.
The least you can do to repay her was to pay rent.
The bookish unicorn helped you keep working harder and harder for a job, pulling countless all-nighters and applying for every job you could imagine. But the sexual requests never relented. The tired and lonely citizens of Ponyville that stayed in the shadows didn't understand no. Or simply wouldn't listen. In some ways, the ponies were much like the humans you lived with on earth.
Finally, one day you broke.
You couldn't stand not paying her back anymore. You felt like a burden. You had no freedom. You felt as if you were Twilight's little human pet with a bow on top. You had no life outside of being "Twilight's Human." Even when airing these feelings to her, and she told you that you were over thinking it, her words didn't set you at ease.
It was supposed to be a one time thing for Fluttershy. Help boost her confidence. Just one night. But gasoline was thrown on the fire.
"It's just a little money?"
"Tell me again how big it was!"
"Five times! My word!"
It wasn't long until Twilight caught wind and confronted you. She ordered you to stop selling your body, that the money didn't matter to her. Twilight just wanted her Anon. That she loved you and only wanted you. On that day, you quit the business of prostitution.
But, you can't just quit. Some mares just don't understand no.
In the middle of the night, on your way home from running errands for Twilight, some mare struck you down in an alley and had her way with you. Your head hurt so much and you were so disoriented that you couldn't even fight back. Twilight, concerned why you weren't back yet, saw it happen. The mare tossed money at your feet and left without another word. Nothing you could say would convince Twilight that you were raped. Let alone the rest of the town.
"I bet he liked it."
"Look at his hands. He's made for lovin. It's all he's good for."
"How much this time, sexy?"
Twilight grew further and further distant and nothing you could do would bring her back. She kicked you out one day, convinced that you never gave up the sex trade at all.
So here you are. Stuck in the streets in the middle of the night.
No chance for a job. No food. No home.
And you lost the only love of your life in this forsaken world of horses. In the end, the only way you can make money was through fucking. It's been nearly a month now, getting donations and tips from other ponies to keep up your appearance, just so they can fuck your brains out.
You've never felt more soulless in your entire life.
Every day was another pony's bed. Every day it was different gentle caressing words. Some want it rough. Some gentle. You can try to use the bathroom to quickly brush your hair, brush your teeth, take a shower, but you could never take clothes to replace the ratty, stained t-shirt and pants. If you were lucky, a mare wouldn't mind if you stayed the night... or they would pay you to cuddle them.
But not tonight. Berry wanted you out right after she had her way with you.
You slide down the side of one of the alley walls with your face in your hands, trying to find the best way to stay warm. It isn't worth making tears anymore. The tears won't fix anything. A new town won't fix anything. You have enough money to eat. That's it. You're alone.
"Anon?" a stern voice calls from the darkness.
Or at least you thought you were alone. You look up to the street and see a pony carrying a pink umbrella, shrouded in the dark.
"Yeah?" you ask to the mysterious figure.
"What are you doing out here?" says the familiar voice, approaching you slowly.
"I.. uh. Found a place to sleep tonight."
The pony in front of you lights her horn and reveals her light purple skin and dark purple eyes. The unicorn stares down at you in a way that makes you feel like a disappointment. The soft spot in the middle of your chest is overwhelmed in guilt and shame.
"Why? Can't you find a job?" she asks.
You break eye contact and stare at the ground.
"I've been trying..." you answer, trying to keep your composure. "Nobody wants to hire someone like me."
"I see," says Twilight, standing at the entrance to the alleyway.
You look down at her pristine hooves and back to your filthy hands. There's no way you deserved someone like her. Look at you. You filthy rat. A dog in the street. This is what you deserve.
Twilight stands in the darkness, looking down at your wet, sorry corpse.
"I should have swallowed my pride for long enough to listen to you," you say.
The rain drips down and continues soak your feet through the broken soles of your shoes.
"If you felt the same way about me, that I feel about you. Then I can only imagine how much I hurt you, and I'm the only one to blame. I messed up so bad. I messed us up," you say, expecting nothing.
You refuse to look up at the unicorn and continue to stare at the wet ground. An uncomfortable silence is filled with the sound of the pitter-patter of rain on her umbrella.
"I just wish I could start over," you say.
You breathe hard to try and stay strong in front of Twilight. The aching feeling in your chest is overwhelming your thoughts. Twilight turns around slowly and your sink your head into your hands.
Of course. What did you expect? You're a disgusting outcast. The lowest of the low. She's on her way to become a Princess one day and doesn't need to associate herself with the likes of you. You'll never be good enough. You need to lower your standards or else you'll end up alone. On the other hand, maybe that's not a bad thing.
Then, she shocks you.
"Come on," she says in a patient tone.
She walks away and you look up in shock. After a few feet, she looks back at you.
"Are you coming?"
She doesn't have to tell you twice. You leap to your feet and follow after her.
The rain pours down over your head as you follow Twilight back to the warmly lit Library. The freezing air doesn't seem to be as cold as you remember. Right now, everything to seems to be just a little bit brighter. You aren't exactly sure what this means quite yet, but you have an idea. You can only dream.
She opens the door with her magic and steps inside, leaving the door open. You follow her inside and close the door quietly.
"Get those wet clothes off or you'll get sick," she says unenthusiastically, drying off her umbrella with her magic.
The emotionless tone in her voice stings, but you have to start somewhere. You shed your drenched, over-worn t-shirt, revealing a sickly, pale, malnourished stomach.
Twilight turns and examines the shambles that your body has fallen to. Taking off your shoes, you shove your shirt and socks into them then leave them by the door. It was a habit you developed in case you needed to make a quick escape. Wearing only a ragged pair of pants, you step inside the Library.
It's only once you enter your previous home that you realize how badly you missed more than just it's smart purple inhabitant.
"Spike. Go to bed," Twilight calls through her home.
"Awww!" says the dragon, entering from another room. "Can't I just-"
He freezes when he sets his eyes on you.
"Go to bed," Twilight demands.
"I thought we-"
"Bed. Now," she barks.
Spike leaves the room, casting glances over his shoulder at you. You meekly wave. There will hopefully be time to talk to him later. Hopefully. Right now, it's pretty clear Twilight has something on her mind. She always gets quiet when she's thinking through a plan. She begins pacing in front of you.
"What's wrong, Twi."
"I'm sorry, Anon. I have to give you a test."
"A test? For what?"
"None of the others wanted me to see you ever again. Even Spike. They told me to let you keep doing... what you do."
You gulp and say nothing. She's got you cornered. She pulls out a small coin purse from her bag and tosses it on the floor in front of you. You eye it.
"That's 100 bits. If you just want more money. Take it and go, but if you really mean the things you said, I'll be upstairs."
Twilight turns away and ascends the stairs of the library to her room, leaving you with the bag of bits. You walk over to the small purse and open it. All of the coins are there. This is almost a whole weeks pay. You juggle the coins in your hand and think about all of the things you can do with this money.
For about a second.
You set the bag on a table and ascend the stairs to the unicorn's room. The lights are out and she lays in bed, her face away from the door. What did she honestly expect for you to do? You love her. You always did. You just never had the courage to say anything.
If you lay beside her in her bed, will she be surprised? Will she be jubilant?
You take a step closer to her bed.
What sort of head games did her friends play on her? If you did come back, what would they say? Would they just push her to kick you out again? Was it them that made her kick you out the first time?
You take another few steps closer.
Fuck her friends. What matters is that the two of you might have the chance to give things another shot. Do things the right way. You can set your old life behind you and try to restart.
This is exactly what you wanted. This is everything that you wanted. This is what SHE wanted.
You approach the bed and hear the soft breathing of the mare.
Just before you climb in beside her, right before you wrap her in your arms and keep her warm on this cold, rainy night... you stop. One thought stops you in your tracks. A simple question.
Is this what's best for her?
You step backward.
Will this cause a massive rift in her friends? Is this going to hurt her relationship with the princess, if she finds out that her best student is dating a whore? Can you live with knowing that knowing even though this is what she wants, it's not what's best for her?
You make another step towards the door and turn around.
She's already been hurt so much by your hands. Even by things that you couldn't control. It's not fair to her. She can't throw her life away for you. Twilight has too many wonderful things in her life to risk losing them on you. You step out of her room, with tears in your eyes.
"I'm sorry," you whisper.
You descend the stairs and eye the bag. There's no way you can accept her money either. You sigh to yourself and turn to the door.
"Where are are you going, Anonymous?" a new, soft voice asks.
The unexpected sound makes you leap inside your skin You spin around to find a navy blue alicorn stands in front of you, with a disappointed frown.
"Princess Luna?"
You stand in silence, trying to decipher why she had arrived.
"Why are you in Twilight's house? She's upstairs."
Another silent moment passes between you two as you begin to grow irritated at her silence.
"Is that some sort of sick joke? I sell myself so I get a visit from the Princess of the Night? That's a sick joke if I've heard of one."
"Our presence is surely not meant to humor you, Anonymous. We are here to discuss the decision you are about to make."
"Well. Thanks. I guess, but I think you're just rubbing it in. I can't ruin her life. She deserves better than just some whore."
“Oh, I understand your position Anonymous. We have been watching you as you have sold your body to make wages. Neither I nor the other two princesses understand why you or some other ponies make this decision, but we do not interfere. Until tonight.”
You stand in front of the Princess with a flowing mane, eyeing her curiously.
"How? This is the best thing for her, Princess. Don't you agree?" you ask.
"No, Anonymous. We believe that you have the potential to change your life for the better and abandon the reputation you have made for yourself, but you do not believe it yourself."
You sigh in exasperation. There is no way you are getting off easy here.
"Well great. Why don't I just run back upstairs then, if you say I can do it."
"Because if you do not believe that you can change, then you will not."
"I've tried though... I've tried so hard before. Then I was raped and nobody believed me," you hiss with exasperation.
"We know. We have watched your dreams for a long time now," she answers calmly.
"I just don't know what to do."
"What is it that you think you should do, Anonymous?"
You sit in a nearby chair and place your head in your hands. You get the feeling that you won't be heading back to the alley anytime soon.
"I want to be with Twilight again... but," you answer, pausing.
"But?" Princess Luna mimics.
"With my reputation... how do I know it won't hurt her more than it will make her happy?"
"And that is a reason to give up?" she asks you.
You sigh to yourself.
"I'd hate to be the reason that she would be disowned by Princess Celestia or have her friends abandon her."
Luna hums to herself as she moves directly in front of you.
"We cannot speak for our sister's sake. Her opinions are hers and hers alone."
You sigh, knowing the answer lies in front of you.
"However, why do you think that my sister would dislike her star pupil or her friends could abandon their dear friend?"
"Isn't it obvious!" you answer angrily. "You know what I do! You know my reputation! No one on this planet will give me an ounce of respect."
"Then what is the best way to change the reputation that you have been granted?"
You try to find an answer, but none comes to you.
"I've tried quitting before... it's not easy. I have to make money somehow... and my reputation..."
"That's only part of the answer," Luna calmly answers.
"What do you mean?" you ask curiously.
The princess smiles. The sort of smile that one gets when a plan is coming together exactly as she planned.
"Close your eyes and try to sleep. I would like to show you something."
"What?"
"I'm going to show you something in your dreamspace. Events you may have not known about, but ones I've learned through other dreams."
At this point, what do you have to lose?
You close your eyes and lean your head against your shoulder. Sleep takes a hold of you quickly.
Attempting to open your eyes, you find yourself in a vast dark area.
"Hello?"
A familiar room of Twilight's Library slowly materializes into existence. In the room, you see the purple unicorn talking to you. Not you, but a copy of you in the room. Her voice is calm, calculated, and serious.
"We can't do this anymore, Anon."
"I remember this," you whisper under your breath.
"Can't do what?" the copy of you answers.
"I can't let you stay here anymore."
"What do you mean? Twilight... what are you saying?" the copy replies.
"I'm saying we are through, Anon. You have to take your things and leave."
"Twilight. I have nothing. I have barely any bits. No job," the copy of you attempts to explain. "How am I supposed to afford somewhere to live?"
You know what's coming next. Putting your fingers in your ears, you try to block out the words. Yet, they still come out crystal clear.
"You should have thought about that before you made love to half the mares in this town. I'm sorry. You have to go."
"But, Twilight! I told you was raped!" you say in perfect harmony with your copy. "Don't you believe me?"
"I wish I could believe you, Anon. I want to. I really do. But you have a problem that I can't fix. Please leave, I don't want a bad influence like you around Spike," Twilight says coldly, staring at the floor.
The copy does everything exactly like you remembered. He walks out of the Library, tears in his eyes and Twilight stands resolute in her position, never shifting her gaze. After the door slams, the door to her basement opens slowly and her five friends emerge from the depths.
Tears form in the eyes of the purple unicorn as her legs fail her and she collapses to the ground.
"It really was for the best, darling," coos Rarity, wrapping a hoof around her.
Fluttershy remains silent, also wrapping a hoof around her friend.
"Who knows what that darn monkey had there, Twi." adds Applejack. "You'll find someone else who is even better than Anon. It'll be fine in the end."
"But what if I don't Applejack? What if-"
"Twilight. We know you really didn't want to do that... but if you just give it time, I'm sure you will be a whole new mare," Rainbow Dash interrupts.
"But I could have done more to help him Rainbow... I believed Anon... even though you all didn't," Twilight replies.
"There is no way a monkey like that could get raped Twilight. Sex is what they are built for!" Rainbow interjects.
"You know? I think we could all use a nice party right now, to take our mind off of the sad things!" Pinkie says in a forlorn attempt to lighten the mood.
Twilight rises up to her hooves.
"Right now girls, I think I just want to be alone... Thank you... really."
The purple unicorn laboriously makes her way up to her room, closing the door behind her.
You follow her up the stairs and step through the door, watching the memory. Twilight approaches a small wooden chest and searches through it carefully.
"There you are."
She pulls out a small pony doll with brownish string hair and buttons for eyes.
"I've missed you so much, Smarty Pants."
The unicorn moves to her bed and crawls under the covers. She holds the little doll in her hooves as she curls herself into a ball, trying to hide her sniffles.
"If I did the right thing... Why am I crying?" Twilight mutters to herself.
You move to the bed and try to comfort her, but your efforts are in vain. Your hand simply passes through her solid form.
"She didn't want to let me go?" you mutter.
"That's correct," the voice of the Princess echoes through the dream.
"She had... confidence in me?"
"What else did you notice?" Luna's voice asks.
You watch the crying unicorn on her bed mourn the loss of her lover.
"Her friends put her up to it."
"What do you think of that?" Luna replies.
"Well. I-I dunno. It's not fair."
"Why?"
"They didn't take her opinion into account at all. They forced her to do what they thought was best for her, rather than what she wanted."
"How is that different from what you were going to do?"
You try to answer, but you feel your body being pulled hard from behind. Pulled from the library, you are pulled into the dark space and you are falling. The air flies by you, but you land softly outside Twilight's home.
"Luna?"
The only answer you receive is silence. You step into the treehouse and see your body still sitting at the table, fast asleep.
"I know what I want... and what she wants... It's not going to be easy, but I can change for her. We just have to trust each other and work together."
You touch your body with your ghostly form. Bright white light fills your vision.
"I know I can change."
Waking up, you ascend the stairs with purpose and enter Twilight's room, where she remains unmoved. The rain had cleared, letting the bright evening moon shine into her bedroom. Without a second thought, you make your way to Twilight's bed and crawl in beside her. Her eyes gently open and she turns to you, slowly.
"Am I dreaming?" she asks groggily.
You smile and wrap your arms around her.
"Nope. I'm right here, Twi."
She nuzzles herself into your chest and you feel her body shake.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I doubted you... Luna showed me what really happened that night... and-"
You place a finger on her lips, silencing her.
"She came to me and showed me everything. I understand, Twi."
Twilight remains quiet, tightening her grip on you.
"I'm sorry I ever gave you a reason to doubt me... but I'm going to do everything I can to put all of this behind me."
"Don't ever leave again... please..." she chokes out amidst tears.
You gently caress her mane and hold her tightly back.
"You're stuck with me, Twilight. I'm not going anywhere."
An involuntary chuckle escapes her mouth as she lays beside you, tears running into her bed sheets and creating a small puddle.
"I thought I lost you," she whispers.
"I thought I lost you, too," you whisper back.
The warm embrace of your arms slowly lulls her to sleep in your arms. Gently, you kiss her forehead and drift off to sleep yourself. As you hoped, you arrive in the black space one more time.
"We are happy for you, Anonymous., calls Luna's voice.
She begins to materialize from the dark space and approaches you with a smile.
"Thank you so much for showing me... Well, everything."
The Princess of the Night smiles and shakes her head.
"We did not show you anything, Anonymous. The answer lied within you the whole time."
A smile curls on your face and you wrap your arms around the princess in a light embrace.
"Thank you."
"Of course, Anonymous."
Breaking your hug, you notice the Princess turns and slowly returns to the dark.
"Wait! How can I change my reputation?! How do I become a better person? Twilight deserves it," you call after her.
"Learn from your mistakes. Work hard every day to change what others think of you. Don't let a day go by without improving yourself."
Soon, the princess is gone and when you wake up, the love of your life is resting peacefully in your arms, a smile gracing her beautiful face.
It's going to be hard. It'll take time. It'll take patience. But for her, it's worth it.
