Equestrian Roulette

I don’t know what I was expecting, Spike thought, spitting a thin stream of saltwater from his mouth. It was always like this. Visit a book signing with Twilight, ancient tome brings the bookstore to life. Go vacuum shopping for Rarity, ancient tome brings the vacuums to life. Go hunting for ancient tomes on Celestia’s orders, get attacked by a living vacuum cleaner store for no reason beyond symmetry, so far as he could tell.

And now, the one time his assignment was actually supposed to be fun, and lo and behold, misfortune struck again. He stared dismally out at the horizon, where the half sunk ruin of his airship continued to smoulder as it rested in the shallows. Well, technically it was Twilight’s airship, but she let him drive it whenever she needed errands run, like retrieving her swimsuits for her latest ‘adventure’ that just happened to be at a Maribbean resort. Of course, that plan was now a wash, no pun intended.

Well, slight pun intended.

He sighed as he watched a few boxes of Rarity’s wardrobe float past, one of them sporting a jaunty new jellyfish atop it. Technically she hadn’t asked him to bring her things, but after so many years she didn’t really need to. He wasn’t even sure why he still waited on her foot and claw, but the dance had taken on a sort of nostalgic comfort, even if the ardor behind it had faded away. Of course, if Twilight was going to be upset, Rarity would be devastated by the loss. He decided he should probably look into getting her a reinforced fainting couch before he broke the news to her.

He glanced behind him, away from the beach and towards the jungle at his back. It was a sight straight out of an adventure novel, palms and vines grown together into a thick wall of foliage, crawling up the slopes great fuming volcanoes. Worst came to worst, he could always camp out in the caldera. It wasn’t that the bugs bothered him much, but he didn’t fancy sleeping in the same jungle as a hungry jaguar. He was getting to be big by pony standards, but in the greater world that still didn’t count for much.

He took a look at his claws, then back to the vines, taking an experimental swipe at one of them. His claws stuck fast, and he grumbled, wasting a good few seconds trying to tug his claws back out. Dragon claws were built for climbing, not cutting, a fact never more apparent than now. He tried switching to his fire and blowing a thin jet against the vines, but the moist greenery just smouldered and smoked, all but mocking his efforts. Not for the first time, he cursed his lack of wings.

“Well, this is going to be fun,” he muttered under his breath. He shook his head and turned back to the wreckage floating up to the beach. With any luck, there might be some--

“Oh.” Scootaloo said, freezing as Spike’s eyes found her. She was dripping wet from mane to hoof, her soaked tropical shirt clinging to her lean, compact lines. She managed an awkward grin, quickly trying to shift into a casual pose and failing miserably. “Fancy meeting you here!”

“You snuck on the airship, didn’t you?” Spike found a headache forming just behind his eyes, and pinched his brows to try and soothe it away.

“It’s the Maribbean! Come on, like I’m ever gonna afford to go there myself!” She huffed and flicked her wings, showering off a bit of the water soaked into them. “We hitch in, we hitch out, no muss, no fuss! Nopony would have to know.”

“Yeah, except-- wait, what do--” He groaned and felt that headache grow heavier behind his eyes. “You’re all here, aren’t you?”

“Probably, kinda, sorta, yeah.” Scootaloo sighed. “Sweetie and Applebloom bailed out first, I got thrown clear when we hit. They’re probably further up the beach.” She frowned. “At least, I hope they are.”

Spike gently patted her on the back, his own irritation fading. “I’ve watched you three crash, fall, and blow yourselves up more times than I can count. I’m sure they’re all fine.” He glanced at the jungle, its shadowed undergrowth seeming to wave in hungry anticipation, and gulped. “Still, we should probably find them quickly.”

“Yeah,” Scootaloo said, following his eyes. “Probably smart.”

Spike quickly took the lead, Scootaloo falling in behind. All along the beach, more wreckage lay strewn along the path the airship had taken. The landing had been a decidedly dodgy affair, a last minute turn just barely putting the ship into the water instead of straight into the mountain face. It still bothered Spike how quickly the ship had gone down.

“Hey, Scoots?” He asked, glancing back at her for a moment. “Did you and the girls notice anything? When the ship went down?”

“Besides getting bounced around like a bunch of rubber balls?” Scootaloo rolled her shoulders, no doubt nursing a few future bruises. “Not really. I mean, one minute we were cruising along, the next, there was just this explosion. Maybe a fuel leak? The engine sounded fine.”

“Hmph, alright.” It wasn’t like Twilight to keep unsafe equipment around. If the manual said ‘check once monthly for leaks’ then she checked every month on on the month if she could help it. “Can’t believe an engine would just blow like that.”

“Pretty weird, right? Ah! What if somepony was trying to assassinate Twilight?” Scootaloo flinched as Spike shot her a glare. “What?”

“Don’t even joke about that.” The thought alone soured his mood. It was true that Twilight had made a few enemies in her time, and while he was confident that most were the ‘muahahaha suffer my wrath and monologue’ variety, there were one or two who might stoop to something as sneaky as sabotage.

“Hey, don’t sweat it!” Scootaloo grinned and slapped him on the back. “I mean hey, if they couldn’t even bag us, how dangerous could they be?”

“I said--” Spike scowled at her, but just couldn’t keep it up against that confident grin. Instead, he just massaged his brow again, allowing himself a wry smirk. “Yeah, I guess you’ve got a point.”

“That’s the spirit! And hey, least we crashed somewhere nice!” She swept her hooves wide, briefly hovering on her wings as she spun, encompassing the whole beach in her gesture. “Can you imagine if we’d been flying to the crystal empire? Don’t get me wrong, snowboarding rocks, but sleeping in the snow? Not so much.” Suddenly, her eyes took on a dangerous glint, and she stepped in close to Spike, her side brushing up against his. “Then again, I hear dragons run pretty hot, don’t they?”

“I-I never noticed.” Spike spluttered, his purple scales taking on a hint of red. “Hey, I think I see something!” He was off like a shot, leaving Scootaloo to chase after him with a half-smirk, half pout.

Sure enough, a decidedly burly mass of yellow and red fur sat gasping on the beach, flopped out on her back. Of the three crusaders Applebloom was easily the largest, taking readily after her brother in scale. One of her citrine eyes fixed on them as they approached, and her next pant for breath doubled as a sigh of relief. She waved Spike and Scoots over with a lazy wave of her hoof.

“Ah shoulda known you two would be fine,” she said between gasps. “Wish I hadn’t let Sweetie go looking for you though. Ah reckon now she went the wrong way.”

“But she is okay, right?” Scootaloo asked, relaxing as Applebloom nodded. “I’ll go grab her. You… look like you could use a rest.”

“You try fightin' an undertow while pulling your friend, see how you like it.” Applebloom slowly rolled to her hooves, still huffing heavily. “Sweet Celestia if I never go swimming again it’ll be too soon.”

“You sure you’re okay standing?” Spike asked, sparing a glance for for Scootaloo as she disappeared down a curve in the beach, before focusing on Applebloom. “Really, we’ve got time to rest.”

“And let those two have all the fun?” She took one deep breath, and managed a bright grin. “I worked harder days than this on vacation. Which, I guess we’re kinda on, I suppose.”

“I don’t think shipwrecked qualifies as a vacation,” he spared another glance for the ruin of the airship in the distance. “Twilight is going to be so mad.”

“I dunno, I figure you being alive and all will probably take a bit of the edge off.” Applebloom shrugged. “Sides’ not like it was your fault.”

“What?” Spike asked, surprised.

“Spike, I’ve seen you fly that thing back and forth as many times as I pulled a wagon. Only time I ever crashed, it was the wagon’s fault, and I figure it’s the same for you.” She pulled him in for a quick one-hoofed hug. “You’re fine Spike, I’m sure it was just an accident is all.”

“I really hope so.” He left Scootaloo’s theories of sabotage unsaid. “Either way, we’re stuck here now.”

“That we are, so might as well make the best of it!” Applebloom stretched and glanced at the jungle before them. “Ain’t never bucked a coconut tree before. You think it works the same way?”

“I have literally no idea.” Spike shook his head. Applebucking was as foreign to him as shampoo. He watched as Applebloom walked up to the tree, her eyes sizing it up.

“Only one way to find out. Look out below!” She reared up and gave it a rattling buck, the whole tree shaking back and forth. For a moment, nothing happened, and then the tree began to lean dangerously to the side. It became suddenly aparrent that is was going to capsize right back on Applebloom.

“Applebloom!” Spike acted without thinking, a fact made obvious in that he was about to try and push a pony probably half again his weight out of harm’s way. Fortunately, Applebloom backed up, avoiding danger herself and stopping Spike short as well. The tree thumped mightily to the ground, leaving Applebloom to stare at the drake she’d more or less plowed over.

“Did you… just try and save me?” She raised an eyebrow, making Spike start to flush with embarrassment. Applebloom stared down at him, then started to smile, a blush coloring her own cheeks. “You always were too sweet for your own good.”

“Woah!” Scootaloo shouted, all but barging onto the scene, her shocked expression turning into a lewd grin as she spotted Applebloom straddling Spike. “Well well, don’t let me interrupt~”

“Ain’t interruptin’ nothing!” Applebloom declared, though her cheeks still nearly matched her mane in coloration. “Just a little mixup is all. Palms ain’t no apple trees, that’s for sure.”

Scootaloo let out a low whistle. “No kidding!” She trotted up to the felled tree and gave it a kick. “Jeeze, you kick this over yourself?”

“I didn’t ‘kick it over.’ Just gave it a solid buck and the thing fell over all on its own.” She huffed, her blush more indignant than embarrassed. “I know how to treat a tree… most times.”

“I’m here, I’m here!” It was at that moment that Sweetie Belle charged around the corner, huffing and panting. “What happened? We heard a crash and…” Sweetie belle took in the scene at a glance, then nodded absently as she caught her breath. “Okay, everypony’s fine. That’s good. That’s great. Let me just… yeah…” She flopped over in the sand. “Scootaloo?”

“Uh, yeah?” Scotaloo scratched her head awkwardly.

“Next time, please don’t take off like that. Not all of us are athletes for a living.” The statement clearly applied to Sweetie in particular. Where Applebloom and Scootaloo both ends of the athletic spectrum, Sweetie was best described as ‘marshmellowy.’ Years of standing in singing studios and fine dining had given her a build distinctly ill suited to jungle survival , but perfectly suited to ‘artistic appreciation.’

“Sorry Sweets. Thought somepony might be dying or something.” She shot sweetie a sheepish grin, before letting it turn lecherous again. “Turns out it was just somepony about to go to heaven.”

“Shush.” Applebloom’s hoof caught Scoot’s right behind the ear with an audible smack, which only made the pegasus grin harder. “Don’t listen to her, Sweetie. Just an awkward rescue was all.” She turned to Spike. “Ain’t that right?”

“Absolutely! One hundred percent.” Spike nodded enthusiastically, fervently hoping for the heat in his cheeks to die down sometime this month. “Right now we have bigger things to focus on.”

“Yeah yeah.” Scoots rolled her shoulders. “So, what now? We looking for rescue, or camping out until the cavalry arrives?” She grinned as she looked up at the volcano. “I personally could go for a jungle adventure.”

“No, thank you.” Sweetie shook her head, her curls already limp with sweat. “I’m all for an adventure, but I’m already melting, and the rescue party’s going to check the beach first, right?”

“I figure that’s what I’d do.” Applebloom turned to Spike. “Any idea how long that might be?”

Spike sighed. “Twilight told me I didn’t have to rush her things to her, and I told everyone in Ponyville I might just come back when Twilight did.” He scratched at his head, ducking slightly beneath their gazes. “It...might be a bit.”

“Buck yeah!” Scoots pumped a hoof in the air. “Jungle adventure is officially a-go!”

“Uuuuggghhh,” Sweetie moaned, flopping on her back.

“Shoulda figured.” Applebloom shook her head, then drew herself up. “Well, I guess it’s look for rescue then. But we’ll camp out and gather supplies first, and maybe give Sweetie some time to catch her breath.”

“Thanks girls.” Sweetie waved a hoof exhaustedly. “I’ll just be a minute, promise.”

Applebloom clapped her hooves. “Alright, partners. I’ll start putting us together a shelter. Sweetie, you can help when you’re back on your hooves. Spike, Scoots, you two take a look see. Reckon you two’ll have an easier time getting through that tangled up mess out there than I will.”

“Aye aye, cap’n!” Scoots snapped off a quick salute, before shooting her smile at Spike, and making teasing doe eyes at him. “You’ll keep me safe, won’t you?”

Spike could only roll his eyes and snicker. “You sure you don’t have that backwards?”

Scootaloo burst into laughter. “Maybe! You just keep your eyes on my back…” She winked. “And I’ll keep mine on yours.”

“Oh for the love of Celestia,” Sweetie mumbled. “Could you lower your tail a little?”

Scootaloo turned crimson and choked, coughing for a few seconds. “Okay, maybe I was laying it on a bit thick.”

“No kidding.” Applebloom rolled her eyes. “Maybe we can all keep our heads screwed on straight until after we’ve got a roof over our heads?”

“Yeah, alright.” Scootaloo’s smile returned, but it wasn’t quite so cocksure as before. “Come on, Spike, let’s go raid some tombs or something.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” He sighed, and turned his eyes towards the smouldering volcano towering above them. “Some vacation this turned out to be.”

Still, as he took at look at the company around him, he found a smile tugging at his lips. Maybe it wouldn’t be the vacation he’d hoped, but he couldn’t have asked for better company on it.