Philosophy of the Damned

I opened my eyes to a bright light and sharp beep. I was in a hospital of some sort. This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for a new life in the military full of ponies. Who the fuck plans for that? Figures a bunch of douches would bring out that side again.

“You don’t think he was actually enjoying it do you?” Asked a similar voice to my right.

“I guess you can ask him yourself, he’s waking up.” Said Trip.

I sat up to see the room with my squad, the six with spike, and the princess. Fuck me.

“Rush, are you okay?” Asked Twilight sadly.

“Gee, I don’t know. I just killed about a dozen dogs and burned and choked whatever other poor fucks were in there! How the fuck do you think I am?!” I yelled causing everyone to back away in fright.

“Calm down cap’, she was just making sure you were okay.” Said Trip.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m just a bit on edge. How long was I out?” I growled as I stared out the window.

“About an hour, but what made you do that? I mean you looked angry but I didn’t think you would do something that brutal.” Asked Trip.

“I heard some of the things they were gonna do, and let’s say I didn’t agree with those things. So I did something about it. Oh, and Rarity.” I said remembering that I should probably tell her how lucky she was.

“Yes darling?” She asked shakily.

“You should really be a bit more careful in those kinds of areas, don’t know what would’ve happened if you were there now. Trip!”

“Yes, sir?” He asked snapping to attention.

“I don’t want anybody at that site until we’ve cleared it. Go.” I said still wanting to ensure the safety of everyone.

“I don’t think you’re in any condition to be giving orders Captain.” Said Celestia with a disapproving look on her face.

“Would everyone mind stepping out for a moment while I have a chat with the princess?” I asked, my squad was already filing out of the room to go cover the area of the incident.

“I would also like a word.” Said Celestia. The others did a quick bow before leaving. I looked around to see it was just us two.

“You know I did what I had to Princess; we both know that was the only way to stop it. If you just arrested them, which would be highly unlikely, some others would just come in. Now though, that place shall remain empty. Besides, we could setup our own mine. We money on the jewels.”

“I agree that you did what was necessary, but it was that you let the others see it. You showed them a different kind of violence and evil. I know it wasn’t your fault so I will let it go this time. Just be more careful, now if you’ll excuse me I need to go handle the press.”

“Wait! I don’t have a place to stay.” I exclaimed

“There’s a guard house in the town square.” She said quickly before disappearing into a ball of light.

It was good to know that I would be let off on this one, but I was still angry at myself. It had been while since I let that side of me see the light of day. It wasn’t that I didn’t like that side, I loved it. The feeling of freedom and the animalistic predator status that you get. The others are the ones I fear for though, so I keep it pushed down. I heard a knock on the door.

“May we come in now?” Asked Twilight through the door.

“Yeah, come on.” I said grabbing my gear that was sitting on a desk next to me. It had been cleaned of the blood.

“Where did princess Celestia go?” She asked seemingly bewildered by appearance of only me.

“She left to go handle the press, what do you need?” I said slipping on my iconic zip-up hoody that I was known for back on Earth. If you’re wondering, I had come to reason I may never be going back. It may not be a dream but I still really doubt this is actually happening.

“Well, we were wondering if you were going to be okay. You passed out for a long time, and with what just happened-

“I’ll be fine, just over exerted myself I guess.” I said thinking of a quick explanation.

“Whoa Rushie your eyes look like Dashie’s hair!” Exclaimed Pinkie. She seemed to have a knack for getting a conversation off track.

“Pfft! Rushie?!” Asked Spike trying to hold back a laugh.

“Shove it scaly, and what are you talking about?” I said confused.

“Look! Dashie you look too!” She said pulling a mirror out of her hair and pointing at my face.

Looking at the mirror I could see she was right. Though most of my eye was still a deep blue. The border however, was an array of colors and almost glowed with some sort of significance.

“What the hell?”

“Are you trying to copy me soldier boy?” Asked Dash flying next to my head with a fake smile.

“I have no idea what this is actually, and didn’t I ask you not to call me that?” I asked slightly annoyed.

“I think it sounds nice.” Said Fluttershy.

“Oh god.” I muttered under my breath.

“See it’s perfect.” Said Dash giving the others a small laugh. This shit will get old quick.

I could see my bag in the corner so I threw my vest and mask in there while keeping my dagger in my pocket. There will never be a time I won’t have a weapon in me.

“If you don’t mind my asking, what are you doing darling?” Asked Rarity still keeping some distance between us.

“I need to go to the guard house in town and make sure I can stay there.” I said slinging the bag on my shoulder and flipping my wraparound sunglasses over my now multi-colored eyes.

“Do you mind if we come along?” Asked Twilight.

“Yeah, that’s fine with me.”

As I turned around I heard what sounded like a small child’s voice yelling from the hall.

“I don’t care! You have to let me see him!” It yelled. As I turned out into the hall with the mane six following, I noticed that it was Scootaloo who was demanding to pass.

“Not going to happen kid.” Said the guard that was posted there in front of the hall. As I looked around I noticed all the other rooms were empty. They really didn’t trust me I guess. To say the least, I wasn’t pleased with a grunt talking to my kid that way.

“I beg to differ.” I said harshly.

As he turned around I saw the fear in his eyes as he caught the reflection of himself in my lenses.

“Is there a problem here?” I asked coldly.

“No sir!” He said shakily. Coward.

“That’s what I thought, come on kid.” I said walking past him.

Throwing the kid a glance, I saw a hint of fear in her eyes. I would talk to her about what happened later, but for now I have to find the house. As we walked through the hospital I noticed all the stares I was getting from the ponies in the hospital. I can’t say I blame them for staring at me, but it was annoying as hell. Walking out the hospital doors I was immediately swarmed by the press. I covered my face from the flashing lights of the cameras.

The last thing I wanted to do was get attention from them. Instead of answering their benign and unnecessary questions I walked on to the town square. They were right on my heels the entire question, never shutting up. As I reached my destination of the guard building, I turned to give my only statement to these parasites.

“I will say this once and only once, so listen up. Those dogs took my daughter and her friends, in return I took their lives.” I growled to the press before stepping inside with the six, spike, and Scoots.

Walking in I saw a desk in the right corner with a yellow mare behind the counter, there were some guards that were walking around most likely just trying to look busy. All of them stopped to stare at me, except the mare who hadn’t noticed me.

“I’ve never actually been in here, it looks nice.” Said Twilight looking around.

“Yeah, let’s hope that doesn’t mean they’re too soft.” I said eyeing the place down. It was actually a rather large building, three stories not counting what I assumed was a basement as I saw some stairs leading down to my far left.

A scene flashed in front of my eyes showing my squad entering an abandoned building much like this one.

~Flashback~

I walked in to the bombed out and decrepit building with my rifle raised and sweat on my brow. This had been serpent squads last know location before they went dark. The were bodies strewn around the area, none of them had NRF or US combat fatigues on.

“Clear!” I whispered through my mic, as I rounded a corner to a hallway.

“This place has definitely seen better days. Hey Rush, hold position.” Said Jet.

“Why were they all the way out here anyway? I don’t see much use for this place unless they were going to use it as an observation post.” Said K-9 as he covered the door while moving backwards toward us.

“They were recon, so they were probably just scouting an advance.” Said Jet.

“Wait, you hear that? Sounds like its upstairs.” I said hearing a board creaking from above.

“Rush you go check it, K-9 keep the door covered. I got the area back here. Remember, Sting and bite.” Said Jet.

As I walked up the stairs I could hear something moving above us. There was a closed door at the top that I would have to go through, I didn't trust trying to kick it open because I’m pretty sure the stairs would give way. I slung my rifle and pulled out my signature pistol before opening the door. As I stormed in I heard the door slam behind me. Turning around I saw a scavenger about to smack me with the butt with his AK.

Instead of letting him get me I dropped my pistol and caught the stock with my left hand and gave a push putting the barrel to the side of his head before slamming the trigger with my finger. It took off a good chunk of his head and splattered it on the wall. Two seconds later Jet had busted in with his rifle raised.

“Just a scavenger, fucker almost got me. What was he looking for? They normally aren’t confrontational.” I said picking up my pistol. It didn’t even really register with me that I had killed a man.

“I don’t know, search the body.”

“Is everything okay up there?” Asked K-9.

“Yeah, just a scavenger.” Replied Jet while I searched the body.

Checking through the dead man’s clothing I found a couple of peculiar items. The first being a gold plated dagger and sheath with “Texas Gold” inscribed on the blade, a nine millimeter pistol with two mags, a wallet, two AK magizines, and a pack of cigarettes. I figured I could sell the pistol, mags, and cigs. I clipped the dagger to my belt and put the others in my backpack. I slung the AK over my shoulder and grabbed the two mags in his coat pocket.

When I went through his backpack that I saw what disturbed me. A helmet, some dog tags, and a mag for an M4.

“Jet, we got a problem.” I said holding up the tags.

“Shit, check the rest of the building. K-9, form up on me.” Said Jet as I moved to the stairs.

As I went up step by step, the question ate away at me. Whose tags were those? It wasn’t the helmets that worried me, you grabbed whatever you could get in these times. We were called the scavenger’s army for a reason. We worked with whatever we had.

I was at the door now, my heart pounding. I closed my eyes as I kicked the door in.

“Rush!” I heard my name yelled. I opened my eyes to see I was back at the building. They were all staring at me, I had just been standing there eyes closed and knees locked.

After a couple seconds I relaxed a bit. I don’t know what that was, but I didn't like it.

“I’m okay, just thinking.” I said acting like nothing had happened.

“Ahem, can I help you?” Said a pony that looked to be of higher rank then the others around us.

“I’m here to requesting room for my rangers.”

“Ah, yes. Right this way sir.” He said moving toward the stairs he had come down. I looked to see the others weren’t following me.

“We’ll just stay here if that’s okay with you.” Said Twilight.

“Alright then, see you in a minute.” I said following him. I had that same feeling again as I started up the staircase. I felt myself be taken back to that destroyed building.

My kick threw the door open, sending splinters of rotten wood flying through the room. I ran in and swept the room for anything that moved. There were three bodies on the floor in army uniform. Yet, there was no blood or visible injuries from what I could see.

“Sting!” I whispered yelled at them. To my surprise they looked up.

“Bite.” Said one of them as he stood up, the other two just sat up with a look of relief on their faces.

“Wait there was supposed to be five of you.” I said thinking back to the dog tags.

“Yeah well, we ran into some trouble if you couldn't tell from the mess downstairs.” Said one whose name tag read Brown.

“Well we need to hurry up and get the hell out of here. Oh yeah, if this gives you any closure.” I said throwing the tags to him. He stared at them for a second before putting them around his own neck.

“Thanks, but-

“Uh, guys we have a problem. APC is closing fast on your position, not a friendly. Stopping at about twenty feet out.” Said Cross through the radio.

“Are you all still able to fight?” I asked.

“Randy is injured and I’ve got no ammo.” He said.

“Why didn't you say something!?” I yelled walking over to the on slumped against the wall. Examining his arm I saw that he had been shot in the arm clean through.

“He’ll be fine, here’s an AK. You've got three mags, don’t waste them. Now what about you?” I asked the other one who was standing up leaning beside a window.

“I can cover this window with my rifle.” He said as he pulled the M4 off the ground, he hid it well. His tag read Kinsey.

“Here, take this I got it off a scavenger.” I said tossing him the extra ammo.

“Thanks, but I trust there are more than just you here.” He said hopefully.

“I got two more downstairs ready to go.” I said.

“Wait a second you’re just a kid!” Said Brown. I took little offence from this, it wasn't the first time I’d heard it but I was a hardened vet and had the training equivalent of a ranger.

“Sir with all do respect, I was born in war and can handle myself just fine.” I said strongly.

“God I hope so.”

“They’re prepping for an assault, I’m counting about twelve Tangos on foot and one on a fifty. How did they know we were here?” Asked Jet. I figured it out not a second later.

“They were bait! It was a trap. Fuck, can we get headquarters on the line?” I asked through the radio.

“Patching you through now.” Said Droid.

“Everyone open fire!” I yelled, the pops and cracks of gun fire were music to my ears. Peeking out the window I saw that we had mowed down about four guys but were taking returning fire from the machine gun.

“Cross, can take that guy out?”

“I don’t have eyes on. Should we reposition?” He asked.

“Not yet.”

“This is HQ what do you need?” I heard through comms.

“This is Angel squad, we are under heavy small-arms fire and need support! Danger close!” I yelled over the headset.

“Roger, we have artillery support inbound and an extract on standby.” Jesus how important are these guys.

“Get those gun bunnies moving then, and send the extraction.” I said.
“Everyone down! Arty incoming!” I yelled as the whistling of the large rounds were falling all around us.

I peeked out the window to see the hellish rain. I could see that the APC had been left virtually untouched. We sat there for god knows how long, listening to the explosions that were all too close. After it was all over I peeked out the window and saw what was left of the men. Torn apart by the metal, body parts were strewn around the area.

“Angel squad do you copy?” I heard as I pulled my head down from the window.

“Yeah, we’re here.” I replied.

“You’re going to have to go a bit to get the extraction zone. Flashing destination on your display now.” I heard through the radio.

“Copy that, everyone okay?” I said seeing a beacon flash northeast of us.

“I’m up.” I heard everyone say.

“Then let’s go, someone grab Randy.” I said.

As we filed out of the building and met with Droid and Cross in the front. I noticed that the APC was still intact, despite the many explosions that had consumed the area around it.

“Hey Jet, we could take the APC to the extraction. I don’t like his chances if we walk.” I said looking over at our injured man who had started to bleed again.

“Good idea lets go.”

As we walked toward the vehicle I took in the whole effect of the artillery. The smell of burnt flesh and dismembered men made me want to vomit. The sight of an arm that had been torn off with a wedding band on it almost pushed me over the edge. As we reached the vehicle that would take us to safety I noticed something off about the back. It was gone and had been replaced by a sheet of metal with a pull down bar and duct tape to keep it up.

“You can’t be serious.” I said looking at it.

“ Doesn't matter, we need to get out of here.” Said Jet.

“Yeah, let’s go.” I said grabbing the bar.

As I pulled it down I saw a man sitting against the side of the interior with a pistol now aimed at my chest. Barely a second before I heard the round hammer through the silence in the air around us. The man on the gun hadn't been taken out.

“Rush!”

*Bang*

My eyes shot open and I swallowed as much air as I could before looking around me. I was on the ground, and I was still downstairs. They were all staring at me again. Some of them had looks of concern, others were just wondering what was going on. As I sat up I felt a mix of stinging and burning in my shoulder. As I clutched at it the feeling slowly stopped.

“R-Rush are you sure you’re okay?” Asked Scootaloo.

“I’m fine, I just need a drink that’s all.” I lied. I've never had flashbacks like those before. What the hell is happening to me?

“You don’t look okay.” Said Rainbow.

“Look I’ll talk to you about it in a minute. Sir if you could show me where we will be staying I can get out of your hair.” I said to the pony who had been leading me upstairs.

“Of course sir.” He replied as we headed back upstairs.

As we got to our new quarters I couldn't stop thinking about what could have caused that. Looking around I saw that we would be getting top of the line accommodations.

“So this is where we’ll be staying?” I asked.
“Yes sir.”

“I must thank you for having us.”

“Actually it is honor to hold Equestria’s most elite soldiers.” He replied.

“Either way I must thank you. Would you mind sending up the ponies that were with me?” I asked setting my bag down by a bunk close to the door.

“Not at all sir.”

“Thank you.”

I sat down on the bunk I held my head in my hands before pulling my necklaces that I adorned out of my shirt. One was my dog tags, the next one a locket that held a cyanide pill and a picture of my army family, and finally the casing of the nine millimeter from the bullet that had hit me in the shoulder.

I pulled my bottle of vodka out and unscrewed the top. It may not be a perfect solution and it isn’t healthy, but it’s how I greave. No one will argue with me that I should stop, it would be a fruitless struggle. As I swung the bottle up and gulped a few bits of the burn I heard them coming. Putting down the bottle I looked over to see them with wondering looks on their faces.

“So, I guess you want to know what happened down there.” I said staring at them.

“Yeah, what was that?” Asked Rainbow.

“That was my past catching up to me, things I’ve seen and done. I’m not proud of it. I only did what I had to do to survive.” I said with a sad look.

“Please tell us we can’t help you if we don’t know darling.” Said Rarity.

“Are you sure you really want to know about me?” I asked hoping to get at least one no.

“We’re all concerned about you Rush. What is it?” Asked Twilight.

“Well then. I will tell you my real story instead of just a nightmare. If you have a light stomach than I suggest you not stick around. This is going to be graphic and you are going to learn more about me than you want.” Nobody moved not even Fluttershy.

“Well, before we start are there any questions?” I asked.

“What is that around your neck, it doesn’t look like any necklace I have ever seen before?” Asked Rarity.

“Doubt you would it’s a casing from a bullet.” I said, that spot on my shoulder starting to burn again.

“Ya mean like the ones in your bag? Why would you have one of those around yer neck? Ain’t that a bit dangerous?” Asked Applejack.

“Normally yeah, but this one’s been discharged. To answer your other question why I wear it is going to be a bit more difficult. Did you all see what rounds like these did to those dogs?” I asked receiving an answer in nods and nervous gulps.

“Well I got hit with one of these in the shoulder, almost killed me. Almost. I wear it to remind me of my own mortality. That no one can live forever.” I said in a somber tone.

“Can we see?” Asked Pinkie who was not in her normally upbeat tone.

“I guess so.” I said standing up. As I pulled my jacket off and my shirt up and over my head I heard a series of gasps.

“Whoa.” Said Rainbow.

“What, this isn’t the first time you’ve seen me with my shirt off.”

“Well I wasn’t paying attention. How did you get all those scars?” She asked.

“Combat, pick one. I’ve got a story for all of them.” I said.

“What about that one.” She said pointing to one that ran three inches up my arm.

“Hand to hand with an enemy combatant when I had just started out. He didn’t leave that fight.” I said.

“Any others?” I asked.

“Why do you have those designs on your body?” Asked Twilight.

“Those are tattoos, they tell of the battles I’ve been in and the people I’ve met.” I said.

“Now is that it?”

When I didn’t get a reply I put my shirt back on and sat back down. I looked up to them and saw that they all were ready to here my story.

“I guess you all are ready to hear my story now huh?” I asked. As they nodded to me I remembered why and how I fought.

“My story starts back when I was just a little kid, about two or three, my parents were killed in an attack on their base in Texas. You all won’t know these locations but you can guess. I wasn’t born in Texas either, I’m from Kentucky. Enough about that though, I was on that base and I was saved by elements of the so called scavengers army. They took me in as my second family.”

“The ones who attacked were a drug cartel who had partnered with a bunch of mixed up private military companies who think they can take over the country. This caused me to grow up with an insane hatred for the cartels and anyone associated with them. Not just a hate like I wouldn’t go near them. Quite the opposite, if I found anyone who was associated with the cartels, I would kill them.” I said.

“Kill them? W-why would you ever do that darling?” Asked Rarity nervously.

“Let me ask you something Rarity, if someone hurt your family would you let them get away with it?”

“N-no.” She said sadly.

“I trained from the age seven to where I am now. A Spartans training if you will. There were no breaks or love for us. That was until the Warrior Angels were formed. We got even harder training, we were special. We had no families so there would be no one to mourn are deaths. There was a platoon of us, we became our own family. If you messed with one of ours you had just kicked a hornet’s nest from hell with explosives.” I said remembering the bond I had with my family.

“We were the most elite fighting force in the world. We had been born in battle and the battlefield was out playground. Bred for war and designed to kill. We were a new brand of death. We scared navy seals, you may not know what those are but that is an achievement. Here is where it gets dark though.” I said looking back down at my tags.

“You’ve already heard about how we lost Chris. Well, he was our first loss. We had never experienced loss like this before, most of us weren’t even old enough when our parents died to remember them. We had a big service, all of us were there. None of us ever really thought any of us would die. A dead angel was unheard of. Every last one of us vowed our vengeance. This cartel would be brought down.” I said angrily. I looked up to see that they were nervous and not sure they wanted to hear any more.

“We lost our morals, we would torture any suspected prisoners. We became even more secluded and secretive. We were still a government backed group but we weren’t held to the Geneva Convention. You all still don’t know what that is and I’m not going to tell you.” I said.

“We began doing more and more assault operations against the cartel. More and more battles we had to fight. As a family we didn’t care what you did to relieve stress as long as it didn’t hurt the rest of us. Some trained, some gambled, I drank and did pretty much everything else. Technically it wasn’t legal for me to drink but no one was going to tell. So I drank away my troubles, built up a tolerance and became one of the best at it too.”

“So that’s why you were able to beat us at drinking at the party.” Said Rainbow.

“Bingo.”

“Anyway, after so much war and violence, I started to lose it. I relive moments from my battles. I hear voices in my head, hell I’m a fucking psycho who should be locked away. I’ve killed so many people and I got my friend killed, but I just can’t quit. I’m a product of war and have to fight, there is no other point in life for me but to fight. I won’t live to an old age. I don’t plan to live past twenty five. My only problem is, finding something worth dying for.” I said in a rare show of emotion, a single tear rolled down my cheek and fell to the floor. I had never told anyone about how hard a toll it took on me.

“A-are you crying?” Asked Rainbow. As I looked up I saw that they all had the same looks of sadness on there face. I looked over to Scoots who had been quiet the entire time. She just stared at me in disbelief that someone who had earlier seemed so invincible could have such pain to deal with every day.

“It’s not a subject I like to talk about.” I said hanging my head.

“Rush, I’m so sorry!” Said Fluttershy who had jumped over to me and gave me a gentle hug on my side.

“You didn’t do anything.” I said.

“I know but I’m sorry for everything that has happened to you.” She said gripping tighter.

“It’s gonna be okay sugar cube.” Said Applejack who came over and hugged me too.

This kept on with them telling me it would be okay until I was literally covered in ponies who were letting little sobs into my clothes as they cried for me. Even though I didn’t. Except Scootaloo who just stood their watching.

“Hey kid you alright?” I asked looking up at her. I could see she was about to cry. I just sat their looking at her until she screamed.

“Daddy!” She yelled jumping onto me and hugging my torso and crying into it. What did she just call me?

We sat there as the cried into me for at least ten minutes. It went on until I heard the sound that I was so accustomed to. One that made them jump off me. An explosion.