1. Mass Hysteria
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The Adventures of Puma and Puglestia

1. Mass Hysteria

Clop

The sound of hooves against marble rang out into the hallway, echoing back after a moment. This would normally be no cause for alarm, but these noises were coming from a pony moving much quicker than she normally would. She wasn't running, but she did maintain a frantic jog as she moved closer and closer to her destination.

Clop

Twilight Sparkle was moving as fast as she could without sprinting. She knew that on these waxed marble floors, she was liable to slip if she wasn't careful. She wanted to get to the throne room as fast as she could, but had no other choice but to do it this way. Of course, she could have teleported the remaining distance, but wouldn't that be rude? What if Princess Celestia was in a meeting? She couldn't just barge in and interrupt whatever was going on. While she kept up her quick pace, she thought back to why she had even had come in the first place.

****

It had only been a few minutes since she had received a scroll from the Princess. She thought nothing of it at first; Princess Celestia sent her messages all the time. Her tone quickly changed when she noticed that the scroll was not from Princess Celestia, like she had assumed, but from Princess Luna. She never received messages from Luna. Why, all of sudden, had she gotten a message from the Princess of the Night? Twilight, in her haste, opened the scroll so fast that she accidentally tore a corner off. Luckily, she could still clearly read the short note that was hastily scribbled down.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

We require your assistance immediately. It is an emergency. Do not bring your friends.

-With Platonic Love, Princess Luna

When Twilight had finished reading, she nearly had a heart attack. The Princesses were in trouble! She said it was an emergency! Why couldn't Twilight bring her friends along? Was the danger too high to risk their lives? Holy Celestia, the emergency must have been really dire! She had to get there as soon as possible to help them!

As fast as she could, she packed some belongings to take along with her to the castle. She didn't have much in her castle, so she kept most of her commonly used items in the same corner. This made her occasional trips to Canterlot easier to manage, as she could gather everything she needed in one stop. No more running around like a madmare!

Though, even with the added organization removing some of the weight from her back, she still found the trips quite tiring. She had flown there the past few times, using the trip as a way to strengthen her fairly-new wings. They were still developing the muscles required to fly for long distances, so Twilight needed all the practice she could get.

This time, however, she was using the new long-distance teleporting gem pad that she had recently installed. Talk about convenient! She no longer had to rely on the train, a carriage, or even her own wings to get her where she needed to go. Twilight just had to step onto the pad, think about which location she wanted to travel to, and her magic did the rest. The only downside was that the gem could only send its occupants to another gem. That was limiting, seeing as the invention was still quite new and very expensive. There were only a few known locations to travel, and most of them belonged to either rich or royal ponies. Gaining personal access to each gemstone was another list of problems.

Long-distance teleporting, without the aid of the gem, was highly taxing on any unicorn that could teleport in the first place. Even Twilight, being the alicorn princess that she was, still had trouble teleporting more than half the distance to Canterlot. She always popped out in a state of near-unconsciousness when she attempted it.

Quickly, almost recklessly, the purple alicorn stepped onto the gem pad and charged her horn. Somewhere in the castle, Spike was probably reading his comics. Good, he wouldn't worry. She was certain that whatever had happened, she would be back before he would have a chance to get worried about her. For now, she just needed to focus on the telep-

Poof!

Twilight was one thankful pony when she reappeared in the main lobby of the Royal Castle in Canterlot, feeling no more tired than when she had stepped onto the pad. Around her, she could hear the gem powering down, letting off a low hum. It also gave off a purple light that faded over the next few seconds. A wide grin spread across her face as she momentarily forgot her current conundrum.

"Yesyesyesyesyes!" she chanted while spinning in circles and looking at herself. She wasn't even tired! The trip only took maybe, what, half a second? This would make everything so much easier! She could visit Celestia whenever she-

Her eyes widened and her expression went grim once more.

"Oh, yeah...the Princess..." she said softly to herself. Twilight was disappointed in her focus. How could she forget the problem so easily? Without another thought, she rushed off towards the room she suspected Princess Celestia to be seated.

****

Clop

She was almost there, now. She could see the large doors that led to the throne room, being guarded by a pair of stereotypically-stoic stallions in strapping, shining...

"Ugh, I knew I shouldn't have read 'An Astounding and Amazing Account of Absolutely Any Alliteration' before bed last night..." Twilight mumbled to herself as she shook her head, trying to rid her mind of its seriously stupid sickness. Books tended to infect her mind the day after, especially if she read them before she went to sleep. She couldn't recall for certain, but she vaguely remembered dreaming about every single word that started with 'K' last night...

Twilight became more and more aware that she had been standing in front of the two guards, mumbling to herself. A bright blush formed on her purple cheeks, displaying her embarrassment to the world. Well, at least to the two white pegasus stallions that were staring at her. Oh, she must have looked like she was insane!

To the purple pony princess's relief, the expression on the guards' faces didn't change. Twilight was thankful for the training that every Royal Guard received at that moment. They didn't even care what she did. Even if she wasn't another Princess, they probably wouldn't have cared. A normal mare could have walked up and had an entire conversation with herself and the guards would have just watched. They were trained to not interact with citizens unless the safety of their Princesses was brought into question. Twilight cleared her throat, letting the guards know she had recovered.

"Ah, yes, well...I'm here to see Princess Celestia. She sent for me. And...is she not doing her day court? I don't see any other ponies," Twilight asked the two watchstallions. She had noticed the absence of the usual line of ponies during her introduction, so she had decided to tack the inquiry along. The two guards looked at her for a few moments before the one on the left responded.

"Yes, Princess Puglestia told us you would be coming, Princess Twilight. As for the lack of ponies, the Princess has canceled her usual court session today," he explained calmly to her. Twilight blinked at the way her pronounced the Princess Celestia's name, but she could have just been hearing things. It was best to just move on and ignore it.

"Okay...so, I can go in?" Twilight asked them. The guard on the right instantly turned around and opened the door, letting himself in. The purple alicorn standing outside thought he would have waited for her to follow him in before closing the door, but a loud 'Click' proved her wrong. How rude. The guard she had been talking to noticed her irritated expression and spoke again.

"Do not fret, Miss Twilight. He's just letting the Princess know that you're here," he reassured her. Twilight's expression loosened again. That made a lot more sense. She felt a bit silly for doubting the manners of the two Royal Guard members who had been assigned to watch the door to the throne room. Such a position was highly sought-after, so these two had obviously done something to deserve such an honor. The right guard reappeared after a few more moments.

"Princess Puglestia will see you now," he stated, no mirth or emotion in his voice. Twilight blinked. There is was again. What was up with the guards mispronouncing Celestia's name? Now that they both had said it, Twilight knew that it wasn't just in her mind or some strange accent. The guards were literally saying 'Puglestia.' Why?

...She didn't have time to question them. The Princesses were in trouble! They needed her purple pony princess powers for protection!

"...I'm never reading that book again..." she swore to herself as she stepped inside, switching places with the guard. Once she was clear of the door, it closed shut behind her.

Click!

Twilight didn't know what to think when she turned her head to the throne. What had happened? Why had Princess Luna been the one to send an emergency message instead of Celestia? Was Princess Celestia okay? She had to know! Without any mental preparations, she took her first look at the throne-

-and came face-to-face with a small, flat-faced dog. It was a pug.

The Princess of Friendship had to stop functioning for a second. If she had tried to process it without checking her mental stability first, she might have exploded at the shock of seeing a dog sitting on Celestia's throne.

It wasn't just a dog. Oh, no, this dog was special. It was wearing what looked to be regalia based off of the kind that the real Princess wore-

-but it was made out of paper.

It was so obviously thrown together with no thought put into it! There was even a rip in the neck-piece! And the color! It was colored yellow to resemble the gold it was supposed to be, but it was just scribbled on with crayon. There was even a fake crown. Twilight wasn't surprised to see that the crown was nothing more than a plastic knock-off that likely came from a filly's toy set.

What was that on its head? It looked like...

...Yep, that was ribbon. Somehow, the pug had managed to get a bunch of multicolored ribbons stuck to its head. If Twilight was a madmare, she would have noticed that the ribbons were the same colors of Princess Celestia's mane.

Was it a bad thing that she noticed that the ribbons were same colors of Princess Celestia's mane? Swear to Celestia, the dog was wearing a shodily-made Celestia wig! What was up with this strange pug? Why was it laying in Princess Celestia's throne?

Why weren't the guards doing anything?!

They were just standing there, standing still and doing guard things. Were they unaware of the tiny dog playing dress-up behind them? The dog was just...there. It looked bored, even. It was sitting there, panting with it too-long-for-its-mouth tongue hanging loosely out. Every few seconds, it would blink lazily at Twilight.

"Uhm..." Twilight let out, unsure of what exactly to say. What was there to say? Nothing she could tell the guards would be any more effective than them just turning around and looking at what they were guarding...

"Is everything okay, Princess Twilight?" one of the new guards asked her. He was a white-coated pegasus stallion- the same as every other guard Twilight had met so far. He even had the nerve to show some emotion!

How scandalous!

...No, not really. Twilight was actually relieved to see a guard that wasn't a robot. She needed to know that she wasn't the only pony who was seeing the 'guest' intruding on Celestia's throne.

"Uh...yes, but...where is Princess Celestia, if you don't mind me asking?" she inquired weakly, hoping that the guard would be able to help her answer some of her questions.

Questions.

So many questions.

The confusion that spread across the stallion's face just raised even more questions.

"Eh...Princess Puglestia? She's right here, last time I checked," he responded, turning his armored head around to examine the throne. Twilight wasn't sure what to think. On one hoof, she was distraught that yet another guard had referred to the Princess as 'Puglestia.' They were all referring to the pug, weren't they? Was this all some sort of sick joke that they were playing on her?

Yes, that must be it! When the guard looked at the throne, the Princesses would step out from behind something and shout "Surprise!" at her and they would all have a good laugh about the whole thing.

Ha ha, very funny, Princess Celestia!

But as the guard turned to examine where the Princess should have been seated, the confused face he retained and raised eyebrow he gained only threw her hopes further into the bin.

"Uh, yep. Still right here," he confirmed. The other guard took the opportunity to nod. Twilight was very close to reaching her limit of 'What?!' for the day. Anger was now creeping into her mind, and anger was an emotion she tried her hardest to stay away from. She was supposed to be the Princess of Friendship! Anger wouldn't solve-

"That's not the Princess. That's a pug," she deadpanned, despite trying to tell herself not to. Both guards flinched in shock and stared at her with their mouths hanging open. Sweet Celestia, those two actually believed, without a shadow of a doubt, that the animal sitting on the throne was their Princess...

"P-Princess Twilight! That's rather rude, don't you think? Princess Puglestia has done nothing to warrant such disrespect!" the vocal guard stuttered to the agitated purple alicorn. Twilight's eye twitched. She growled before she could calm herself down.

"Is everypony in this castle crazy?!" she fumed, the ends of the hairs in her mane starting to glow orange. She was getting close to that form. Her final form. The one she promised herself would never come to be ever again. The guards moved closer together, cutting off Twilight's access to their 'Princess'. They each had their own nervous look on display as they simultaneously swallowed. They respected Princess Twilight a great amount, but their job was to protect their Princess...even if that meant protecting her from another alicorn. They knew they didn't stand a chance, but they would not go down without a fight.

"Bawp!" came from behind the two guards, surprising them both. Twilight was pulled out of her Super-Neighan form just in time to stop her from leveling the room. What was that noise? It was playful, yet commanding. It sounded like...

...the pug.

Twilight blinked once at the tiny dog. It was now standing up, watching the confrontation taking place before the throne. She couldn't tell whether it looked happy or not. The many wrinkles on its face covered up any way for it to convey any emotion, and its tongue was still hanging out. The guards seemed to loosen up from their fighting stance after they heard the dog's bark. They returned to their original positions, looking down at the floor with shame on their faces.

"Y-yes, your Highness...We are sorry. Please, Princess Twilight, Princess Puglestia wishes to speak with you," he said to the ground. Luckily, some of those sound waves reverberated off of the floor and into Twilight's ears. In a fit of uncharacteristic mirth, Twilight wondered if saying 'Princess' so often was tickling the tongue of the speaking guard. Her pondering was short-lived. She noticed that the guards...and pug...were watching her patiently, waiting for her to say something.

Before Twilight could work herself into another rage, a knock on the throne room doors drew her attention away. The same door-crossing guard as before stuck his head in, the fur on top of his helmet being waved around with his movements. Twilight just groaned. What was it now? More pugs? An overly-large spoon being escorted by a talking banana? A-

"Excuse me, your Highness, but Princess Puma is here and would like to see you," he said, just loud enough for the entire room to hear him. Twilight blinked a few times in surprise. The pug let out another 'Bawp!', to which the distant guard nodded.

That was it! Princess Luna! She would be able to talk some sense into these guards! But...

...did they mispronounce her name, too? Why did they-

Twilight's question was answered as a jet-black cat walked calmly in through the large throne room doors. Twilight was struck dumb once again by the appearance of another animal. That guard said Princess Puma, right?

Princess...Puma...Puma...a cat...

...the cat was wearing its own set of Luna regalia. These pieces were also made of paper mache. The cat's eyes were a striking blue that threatened to pierce the soul of anypony who stared into them for too long. Her crown was the same plastic-junk quality as Puglestia's, but her mane was different. Instead of ribbons, Puma had yarn. Dark blue and purple yarn was, again, somehow magically attached to the cat's head, serving as a cheap mockery of Princess Luna's true mane.

Who had found these animals and dressed them up like the Princesses? Why had they done such a bad job at it? Why could the guards seemingly understand the animals? Why were the guards acting like none of this was a problem?!

"AAAARRGGH!" Twilight shouted at the top of her lungs in frustration, the throne room filling with the sound of scampering claws and pug barks. Puma had startled at Twilight's vocal assault and ran in place for a few moments while her paws tried their hardest to find traction. With her tail poofed up in shock, the black cat booked it from the throne room and down the hallway, leaving a few bits of blue yarn in her wake.

Puglestia had taken to barking at the sight of the running cat. A strong sense to chase coursed through the dog's mind, forcing her to jump from the throne in pursuit of her prey. Unfortunately for the tiny animal, the throne was quite high up off the ground and Puglestia didn't remember to correct for height when she jumped.

Splat

Puglestia fell flat on her face, her pudgy body compressing like an accordion until she was a mound of flesh that looked like it had just been pushed out of can. Her plastic crown toppled off and clattered a few feet to the side of the poor dog.

"Bawp! Barp!" could be heard coming from under the pug's flattened face. The guards were already on their way to their Princess, intent on helping her out of her current predicament. Twilight just watched with a deadpan expression.

Yep.

She was certain, now.

Everypony in the castle was crazy.