Letters From A Troubled Stallion

by averagewriter

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad, Original Character
Length: 6850

Twilight recieves letters from a troubled stallion, explaining to her about his life.

There was a time when the Princess of Friendship encountered a stallion at the bridge of Ponyville. She felt like that stallion had a problem so she approached him. She tried to start a conversation but the stallion seemed reluctant to talk, only speaking to her once. She gave up in trying to talk with him but didn't gave up in trying to find out what's wrong with him so she told him that if he wants to, he can tell him his problems to her anytime if he feels like it. The next day, she received a letter...

Published 2016-02-28 21:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-01-11 13:05:28 UTC

Hello There

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Hello there, your Highness, how are you? Hopefully you are still alive and well. You might be surprised why you have a letter, this letter specifically. You might also be wondering why someone would take the time to write this letter to you. The simple answer is... It’s important, to me anyways. You see, I have been carrying a huge burden on my back and I had no way to lessen it, until now of course. Talking to you seems to be the only way to lighten this heavy load. Why? Maybe you have forgotten what happened a few weeks ago, maybe not.

I was depressed back then, angry at the world. I was really close to killing myself, sparing me from anymore suffering. And then I met you. Yes, I met you, the Princess of Friendship. If you can still remember it well, we met at the bridge of this village. It was also nighttime when you talked to me. That moment is still very clear to me because that was the day I decided to… end it all.

I was leaning on the railing, contemplating my life. You suddenly tapped me on my shoulder, asking if I was okay. I was quite surprised when I met you.

“I’m fine…” I remembered telling you and zI proceeded to ask you a question. “If I may ask, your Highness, why are you here so late at night?”

“Oh, I’m just taking a nightly stroll. Just trying to relax and enjoy the night for once,” You replied, smiling.

I just nodded and continued to look at the night sky. You appeared beside me and once more asked if I was okay. It was obvious I wasn’t. I decided to stay silent, thinking my problems weren’t worth your time. I was a lowly peasant, you were a mighty Princess, and that was enough to keep me from bothering you with my problems. You just sighed and slowly nodded your head. I could feel that you were feeling a bit awkward. Who wouldn’t be? You trying to talk to a stranger and he didn’t reply. I apologize for that behavior. Anyway, you told me I could talk to you if I had a problem. I insisted I was fine, but thanked you anyway for the offer. You then slowly walked away after telling me to have a good night. That’s when I realized… I was going to do a grave mistake if you haven’t tried to talk to this lowly stallion. I felt useless...unwanted...rejected in this world and you trying to make a conversation with me showed that someone still cared about me.

I ran back to my home in this village and proceeded to grab a quill, paper, and a bottle of ink. When you told me I could talk to you if I had a problem, I saw this as an opportunity to free myself of the guilt I was feeling. I needed to tell someone and you offered me this chance. You might ask why I haven’t told this story to anyone yet. Again, it’s simple...my story isn’t all sunshines and rainbows. It also involves how I...have committed...something terribly bad. But you...you're the Princess of Friendship! You don’t just judge ponies without knowing them properly so I thought you’ll hear me out, right?

I’m terribly sorry if this letter sounds so confusing to you. Unfortunately, I have so little time, ink, and paper. So instead of writing what I needed to say to you, I’m giving you an option if you want to hear it or not. If you do, then I will be very grateful. If you reject it, then I understand...you are a busy mare and you probably have royal duties to attend to so I will not insist.

To send me a letter, just put it in an envelope and put a red cross on it. I told the mailmare if she ever did receive a letter with the mark, she should give it to me. Hopefully she won’t screw it up. Such a nice mare, she is. Anyway, that is all I can tell you for today. I hope you have a pleasant day and stay safe. Hopefully I’ll see you in the next letter.

~Goodbye~

P.S. This story is quite long actually, it’s about my life. I can’t really tell you my problems without telling you how it all started, right?

Where do we begin?

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Hello again, it seems that you have received my letter in good condition. Better yet, I received your letter without any problems. That mailmare really deserved the muffin I gave her, she did her work wonderfully. Ha! And here I was, worrying that it will not go well. I should really have more faith in her. Anyway, how’s your day? I hope it’s great. If only my days were better…

Where do we begin? Ah yes, let’s start with your letter. I’m quite surprised when I first opened it. I didn’t expect you to accept the offer to hear me out. I also didn’t expect the fact that you wrote a long message for me. I appreciate it, I really do. Now, let’s move on to my story, shall we? But the question is, once more...Where do we begin?

There are many events I want to tell you right now but I know that there wouldn’t be enough time to tell you. Such a shame, really. I don’t want to burden you with so much letters but it seems I have to do just that...burden you with more letters. Huh, I should have really thought this through. I realize that I’m rambling, I apologize for that. Let’s just start where most would have started when they talk about their lives. The day they were born…Unlike them, I don’t really know when or where I was born. All I know was that I was the son of a weird couple and the young brother of an older sister. If I only knew more...Anyway, let’s talk about them, shall we?

My mother was a very loving mare. She knew what I loved and hated, my hobbies and passions…and my potential to be a great stallion one day. I really miss her...Ahem, anyway, my dad is a different story. He’s strict, he’s tough, he takes a lot of things seriously. He’s a stallion of the law, one who does not tolerate any wrong doings. As a young colt, I really never liked him. He was so judgemental of me and keeps on comparing me with the other foals. Looking back at it now, I realized he just wants me to grow up to be better than my peers. To be the best among my friends. I regret not spending time with him. Then there’s my sister, that one pony I don’t regret hating. She always complain about nearly everything, from how she looks to how she thinks others look. She’s also a bully, thinking that she is more important than anyone else. You can say that she’s...a bitch. Sorry for the use of strong language, your Highness, but it’s the only word I can think of to describe her.

Okay, let’s begin. When I was still a young colt, my mom was very overprotective of me. She rarely lets me put of the house in fear that I might get hurt or sick. She was so focused on protecting me from the outside world that she failed to see I was already being hurt by my sister. I can’t really blame her that she failed to stop the abuse being done against me. She just wanted a happy family and may have tried to make herself believe that we were just playing. I guess she finally realized that soon enough because the next thing I know, my sister got kicked out of the house, but that’s another topic to talk about for another time.

My dad, in the other hoof, was busy setting up the rules for me. No going out of the house without permission, no playing outside the house, no yelling inside the house, etc, etc. You could say he was a dictator, one who rules with an iron fist and a force not to be reckoned with. I was scared of him, terrified of his rule. To my child eyes, he was like King Sombra. At least he never hurt me, which made my life a bit more easier. He was more scared of my mom than anything else. As I said earlier, my mom was very overprotective of me. This made my early life a bit more easier to deal with.

While my parents were busy doing their jobs, my wonderful sister is there to take care of me...and by taking care, I mean slowly and painfully torture me. Whenever she had the chance, she would belittle me. One time, she even pushed me off the stairs. The following weeks after that incident was one of the worst times of my life, just lying down on my bed with a cast limiting my movement. Sucks.

I feel like I’m missing something in this short introduction to my life but I can’t put my hoof on it. Hmm, maybe it’ll come to me next time. Anyway, I hope you got a clear view on how my childhood is like, even if it was short. Keep this in mind, it’ll explain some of the actions I’ll do on my next story. Why am I stopping here? Maybe I don’t have the time to continue writing. I still have so much things to do ever since I arrived at Ponyville. Don’t worry, I’ll send another letter soon. Once more, have a great and safe day, your Highness.

P.S If you want to send a letter, you know what to do. I told the mailmare that if she ever saw any envelopes with a red cross on it, she’ll give it to me.

Childhood Memories Pt.1

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Ah, good day to you once more, you Majesty. Of course, you’re day is still great, no? Hmm, I wonder if you get bad days like me. It’s pretty hard to imagine, is it not? Of course, I might be wrong and you are indeed having a bad day. In this case, I hope your day doesn’t get worse. Anyway, let’s talk about your letter, hmm?

Remember when I used a strong word in my 2nd letter? In your letter to me, you seem to be pretty fine with it, even saying that it’s fine as you're used to it. To prove it, you seemed to use a few curse words in your letter as well. My, your Highness, you didn’t need to do something like that! Why, I can imagine you cringing with every curse word you write. Also, I seem to remember that you were asking my name, yes? Well, let’s keep it anonymous for now. I don’t want anyone knowing who you’re talking to until I am finished, okay? I’ll be keeping silent about my identity for security reason. Don’t worry, I shall reveal it to you when I’m done.

Oh, and I’m terribly sorry for not writing to you as soon as I promised. I just got a bit busy teaching the foals at school. No, I’m not a teacher. I’m just helping Miss Cheerilee educate the children and also giving her a chance to take a break. You know how the foals could get a bit out of control of school. Hey, did you know there’s this 3 fillies who calls themselves the Cutie Mark Crusaders? They’re a fun group to talk with. Oops, I guess I’ve talked about my day a bit too much. I’m afraid there will be no space for my story if I continue ranting how school was. So let’s continue where we left off a few days ago, shall we?

So my family consisted of a loving mother, a strict father, and a...bitchy sister. And my childhood was pretty much...let’s say...different from others. Let’s dwell on that topic, okay?

When I was still young, I went to this school. It was good enough, with it giving good education and having decent-looking classrooms. I enjoyed learning, tackling every seatwork without a problem, doing every project without a sweat, and passing every homework with no worries. School was great...if it weren’t for the bullies there. You see, I’m from the city (Manehattan specifically) and the city is known to be not a very friendly place. So it’s no surprise there were bullies at school. Everyone gets bullied at school at least once in their life time, right? And some of their experiences may not be as bad as mine. If you’re going to ask me how bad the experience was, I’ll tell you it was damn terrible. Imagine, getting beaten up everyday by nearly everyone just because you don’t fit in and your sister is the leader of the most feared group in the whole campus. Said sister then tells the group that you are their next target and the next thing you know...Bam! You’re freaking terrified of the ponies that cornered you and you are powerless on defending yourself from the terrible things they’ll do to you. Yeah, that was my school life everyday. I tried talking to the teachers about it but they don’t give a...or maybe they were scared of my sister as well. You can say my sister ruled the school...that would explain why she’s still even in school...

Let me tell you what a normal day at was like for me when I was still young. This is the clearest memory I could still remember...for a very good reason,

“Oh look, it’s the nerd!” One of the many stallions in the campus pointed at me. “Look everyone, seems he’s back for more ‘fun’!”

“Hey, nerd, want to play with us?” A mean-looking mare sneered at me. “Don’t worry, we won’t make it hard for you.”

“N-No thanks…” I mumbled as I walked past them, not taking my eyes off the ground. Even as I walk farther from them, I continue to hear them mock and laugh at me.

“Why do they always do this to me everyday?” I asked myself, “Did I do anything wrong?”

I sighed and continue to walk the hallways that seemed endless to me. With my eyes on the ground and my mind somewhere else, I was suddenly bashed into a wall...hard.

“Hah, Pipsqueak didn’t see that coming, eh?” A malicious voice mocked me. The sentence was followed by laughters coming from several other ponies.

My head was spinning from the hit and I was scared to look at my attacker. By just the sound and tone of who’s speaking, I already know it was my cursed sister. At that point, I wanted to run away from them but I was frozen in fear.

“Too scared to talk? You’re so pathetic!” She continued to torment me. More and more ponies joined her and threw insults at me.

“What a baby!”

“Look at his face, priceless!”

“Oh, is the poor colt going to cry again?”

“Boo hoo hoo. Hahaha!”

Unable to hear any more of this hurtful words, I covered my ears and curled up into a ball. This was the day when everyone at school joined my sister in making my life a daily hell. I don’t really know why that happened. I guess they didn’t want to be her next victims. It doesn’t sound plausible, right? But in a land where magic and dragons and stuff is real, then even a school can bully one foal. You can ask me how school went so far after that. I can tell you...nothing. The rest is a blur, suppressed by my mind so I don’t have to relive them anymore. I know, it’s a very anti-climatic way to end this part of the story. Even I find it such a downer. Right now, I’m wondering what did happen after that…

Anyway, I have a different conflict in mind, should I continue writing or should I stop here? It’s really hard to know when to stop when writing something, for example, this letter. You know, maybe I should stop now. I don’t want to bore you too much and I think it’s best that I only tell you a bit of myself little by little. Hah, I think my problems should wait a bit longer…

I'm sorry if my writing is a bit...off...I was never good at writing...stories, I guess.

P.S I’ll be gone for a week or so. Why? I’ll be exploring the Everfree Forest (I think that’s the name). Don’t worry, I‘ll be fine. The forest can’t be as bad as what everyone says, right?

Childhood Memories Pt. 2

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle…

Hey, how are you? Hope you’re doing okay. Ah, ignore the way I started out this letter, I just feel like maybe trying to write to you a bit in an informal way would be a nice change of things but...I’m not so sure. If it’s okay with you...then...I don’t know…Let’s just start with the usual way…

I received your letter, though I didn’t realize it was even possible to receive one in the Everfree. That mailmare must be brave or crazy to actually deliver that envelope to me. I’m starting to appreciate her more now. Stupid mare...Heh, she needs to know when a place is too dangerous to go.

I know that you’re worried that I might get hurt out here but there’s nothing really to worry about. I know how to defend myself. And Timberwolves? I don’t think they’re going to be a problem. So you can relax a bit, your Majesty, though I appreciate your concern for me. Also, I read about your childhood story. I believe that you wrote it so you can show you can relate to me...I guess...Anyway, at least you tried to relate your story with mine. It was close, but still...you have no idea how dark the story will go.

Where...should I continue?

Let’s still go on with my school, I guess. After a few years after that incident, I guess I could say I learned how to defend myself from my torturers, including my sister. Most of the ponies that also bullied me in the past lost interest in me, picking on someone new instead. My sister and her group, on the other hoof, continued to terrorize me, though rarely. Argh, my mind is a bit jumbled up on this part so if none of this makes any sense, then I’m sorry.

During this part of my life, I have managed to put the incident behind me and moved on. I tried to make friends with others, always tried to make a good impression when there’s someone new in school, and sometimes, I’ll help others do their homework. Also, the teachers finally decided to put me back in the regular classes as they had seen how the situation slowly diffused. Finally, I was back to normal, less bullying, lots of friends, and maybe even a chance to be great at something. Or so I thought…

I met this kid during the middle of school. Dark coat and mane, he was a different sight to see. The teachers said he was an exchange student and he’ll be staying with us for the rest of the school year. At first, I was pretty happy. I thought I could be friends with him and maybe I could even learn a bit about where he came from.

When he first went to school, he seemed shy, lowering his head as he walked across the campus. He avoided talking to others and when someone tried to approach him, he quickly bolted. Everyone was confused as he was a bit too...timid. Much more shy than that yellow pegasus friend of yours. Isn’t Fluttershy her name? Yeah, much more shy than her. I mean, of course he’ll be shy and all because he’s new to school but the way he’s acting is like we are all...alien to him. It’s kind of scary sometimes.

Anyway, even if he had a strange behavior, this did not stop me from trying to befriend him. Deep down inside, I knew he had a problem...A problem I could relate to. Maybe, if I could communicate with him, then...maybe I could also protect him...I don’t know. That’s all I thought that time. Protect him, that’s it. Maybe because I already saw my sister and her group nearing him. I knew that they knew that he was weak. I don’t want him to suffer the same fate I had, even if I had to go through all of it again.

I quickly approached him, despite him walking trying to walk away from him, and tried to get his attention. I needed him to know that I’m not going to hurt him.

“Hey, wait up! I need to talk to you.” I yelled. “It’ll be quick, I promise.”

He turned his head to look at me but continued walking. His eyes were filled with confusion and anxiety.

“W-What…?” He stammered.

“Can you slow down?” I asked him. “I’m getting a bit tired trying to catch up with you.”

He thought for a moment before stopping reluctantly. I walked next to him and smiled.

“S-So...uhm…” He looked away from. “I-Is there anything y-you want to...uhm...t-talk about?”

“I guess,” I cleared my throat. “But first, why are you trying to avoid others?”

“I…”

After a few attempts of trying to coax him out of his shell, I finally got him to talk to me. I was right, he was being bullied at his other school. That was why he decided to change schools and go here. I wanted to tell him that his decision would actually make his situation worse but I didn’t. Instead, I told him that the school was nice and offered to show him around the place. Finally, he smiled, though it was faint. He agreed and I managed to get him away from the approaching threat. I looked behind me one last time and gulped.

My sister was watching me, an evil smirk plastered on her face. I gulped and looked away, leading the new stallion towards the school canteen.

P.S Sorry if this letter arrived somewhat late. I guess I shouldn’t have underestimated the Timberwolves. I’ll send you another letter in a week or so, hopefully. Feel free to write back to me though.

Childhood Memories Pt.3

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Hmm, isn’t it strange that I’m still calling these parts as my Childhood Memories even though it’s not so much anymore?

Good day to you, your Majesty. Hopefully you’re in good health. Hmm, that greeting is starting to get a bit, hmm, redundant, is it not? Anyway, let’s move on to your letter, shall we?

How many days passed since I last sent you a letter? It’s more than a week, that’s for sure...

The first thing I read in your letter was your concerned question about me. I suppose I wasn’t careful with myself during the trip to Everfree (I wonder why they named it like that). So, if you’re freaking out about that blood stain I failed to notice, then I’ll just have to tell you the truth. I got attacked by a pack of Timberwolves and I barely managed to escape with my life. Nature’s fascinating, no? But don’t worry about me, I’ve completely recovered from the incident and I am feeling fine. I totally didn’t get broken bones or anything like that, heh.

Also, it seems that you too have found a friend during your school days, no? One that you did not expect to make? I heard that both of you have finally reconciled after all these years. I don’t mean to sound like a stalker, your party friend just told me about what happened some time ago...She’s such a random fellow, no?

Should we continue with my story? You can just tell me when you want to stop reading about it…

Ever since I lead the new stallion away from my sister, I could say that life in home has turned into a living hell, especially since Mom decided to work. Now, my sister had the pleasure to make my life a home something worse than…”Hell”. Hmm, now that I think about it, it was kinda my fault. I triggered her...But still, she started it all.

Let’s steer away from what’s happening at home. My story on my school life is nearly ending so let’s focus on that instead.

The stallion, his name was Jerry. He’s actually a kind soul, once you get to know him that is. I really liked hanging around with him since I can easily relate to him. That’s what made him...dangerous to me...I should have realized how twisted...how dark…

Graduation day was the best day for me...and it was the last time I’ll ever see him again.

A pat on the back, throw a hat up into the air, congratulate everyone for surviving the final days of school. A heartfelt speech, giving of awards, one last goodbye, it’s an occasion we all look forward to, right? One final planned event with friends, a hopeful reunion in the near future, a very horrible hangover...heh.

At the end of the ceremony, Jerry wanted me to come with him to a place to celebrate. He told me that we deserved a grand prize for a job well done at school. I agreed and asked him who else will invite. He just laughed and told me that only both of us will be going to said place. The way he laughed unnerved me a bit but I still decided that because both of us bonded so much after all these years, why not?

Heh, just in advance, this story will be short. It will also seem out of a fiction book but I’ll tell you it’s real. Some...just don’t want to believe so please…

He quickly led me into his house. It wasn’t dark or unwelcoming, quite the opposite really. I was also impressed on how he could live all by himself (Oh, did I forget to mention he was an orphan?).

So, we had fun, talked about some things related to life, enjoyed some food. It was nice night, or so I thought. Then he started talking about a club he is in and how he wants me to be a part of it. Feeling a little bit curious, I asked him about it.

“It’s a secret. If you want to find out, come with me,” Was his reply.

“Sure, why not?” I told him.

He grinned and eagerly lead me out of his house. We walked for hours just to get to the place he wanted me to go. I nearly wanted to call it quits and head home when I saw it. He lead me into a house on top of the hill in the middle of nowhere. It looked pretty scary and the darkness made it forbidding. He gently shoved me and pointed at the door. I shook my head in disagreement.

“Come on, you wanted to know about the club, do ya?” He smirked. I reluctantly nodded my head.

“That’s the spirit! Now, follow me…’cause there’s no turning back now…”

I gulped and hesitantly followed him through the door. The inside of the place was already lit up with candles, giving the place an eerie feeling. He must have planned this ahead of time, I thought.

He gestured me to sit down on one of the chairs. I obliged and waited for him to speak.

“So, you wanted to know about the club?” He asked me in a much darker tone. “Well, first of all, you need to know that once you’re in, you can never backout. Clear?”

I nodded.

“Great, let’s begin. This club is for the ones with special minds. We see those that others can’t see, feel what others can’t see, etc, etc. We know the unknown and expect the unexpected, we try to understand those who are misunderstood and also...destroy all those who stand in our way. Not everyone can join, they must first pass the test.”

“What test?” I asked him.

“Ohoho! Curious I see...a trait we desire. The test is not that hard, all you have to do is try to interpret this writings!” He explained as he showed me a paper with weird writings on it. “Interpret in anyway you like and I’ll see if you’re fit to join the club. Don’t worry, there are no wrong answers...just wrong minds…”

I gulped as he gaved me the paper. I stared at it and tried to understand it. Many different symbols were written on it. A few minutes of analyzing it and I immediately understood it. I was lucky to have studied this style of writing as it is not normally seen. Jerry saw my stupid grin and his face lit up.

“Are you ready to say what you think you saw?” He eagerly asked me. I confidently nodded.

‘Then say it.”

I took a deep breath and spoke,

“The blood of an innocent,

Slowly dripping down the knife.

The crimes of the wanted,

Being ignored by society.

The darkness of the night,

The perfect cover for the perfect crime.”

I slowly looked back at my friend, feeling a bit scared of what I read. What was it supposed to mean?

“Very...good,” He chuckled. “I’m surprised you managed to read it right. I’m now having thoughts of doing the final test but...you still have to do it.”

“What is it...this time?” I asked, the feeling of dread slowly forming in my gut.

“The writing tells everything…”

I saw something shiny at the corner of my eyes and realized what it was. I looked at Jerry and saw a sadistic smile in his face.

“I-I don’t understand...What do you mean?” I remember asking him.

“Welcome to the club!” He yelled as he tried to thrust a knife into me. Since I was aware of the knife in the first place and adrenaline was already coursing through my body, I jumped to avoid the knife. He cursed under his breath and swiped the knife at me, this time I wasn’t so lucky as I got cut on my leg. A drop of blood fell down on the floor as I failed to land properly. I turned myself to look at my attacker and whimpered.

“Why are you doing this?” I shakily asked him as he walked closer, swinging the knife around.

“Because it’s a part of the ritual!” He tried to stab me at the neck but I quickly rolled away, the knife rooting itself in the floor. As soon as I saw him trying to pull the knife out, I immediately kicked him hard, sending him flying a good distance away from me.

“Putting up a fight are ya!?” He laughed, slowly getting up. Without hesitation, I grabbed the knife and rushed at him. The only thing in my mind once I got the knife was, “Kill him. Kill him. Give him no chance to fight back!”

I looked at him one last time and the next thing I know, I got blood all over me. I looked at the gory scene in front of me and my eyes widened. What have I done? I dropped the bloody knife and looked away.

What have I done? What have I done?

To this day, I don’t know why he did that. I also have a lot of questions. Were we truly friends? All those happy moments we had together, were those true? And why did I not just run away? Why did I...do it. Twilight, I know this sounds like a scene out from a fiction book but it’s real. You can check the old newspapers and you’ll see an article about it. Murder...it was murder.

Why did I do it? Could it have been prevented?

It was at that moment, my life took a turn for the worst…

Let's Continue

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Good day to you, your Highness...or is it a good evening? That depends on when you’ll receive the letter, I’m afraid, so I will have to stick with a simple “Pleasant greetings.”

After reading your previous letter, I understand why you would say such things to me. I was selfish, thinking only about how I feel and not how others would feel. I deeply regret that, you have my sincere apologies. I also understand that you could have brought me immediately into your castle for answers...but you haven’t, for the sake of my privacy and probably just me. I appreciate that. Thank you, princess.

I’m surprised that you still want to listen to my story. I feel...overwhelmed. Though I have begged you to listen and so you would want to listen to it from beginning to end out of simple curiosity. Even so! I will fulfill the promise I have accepted: To finish the story, and hopefully, talk to you in person. So let us begin once more!

…

I ran back straight home, but not before washing any unwanted blood off my fur. Wouldn’t want anyone screaming bloody murder while I run back home with my tail between my legs. Hmph, and to think that I have seen all the horrors I could have possibly seen in my youth. Oh poor youthful me…

Anyways, back to me running home. Opening the door in such a rush, I have failed to make the door NOT hit the wall loudly. You see, I arrived home pretty late. My folks are surely asleep and my dad, who I still love at this age but still fear, hates being woken up at the dead of the night. So as soon as I opened the door, I instantly froze. My heart was racing and my breathing was quick and shallow.

PUG?(Actually, it’s hard to write down how a door hitting a wall sounds like. I looked silly just sitting there and trying to find the right word to use while pronouncing it out loud just to make sure….ah, you get it)

THUMP

Fear. Fear just exploded inside me. I didn’t care that I accidentally killed somepony nor that I arrived home late. No, I was afraid of my loving parent to whom I refer to as Dad. Frozen in place, as pale as the moonlight and as still as the dead (I might as well be dead, I stopped breathing for the longest time of my life). I dreaded every second that passed by, every second that crept by unbearably slow...and finally, I heard it.

“Luna damnit! Who the fuck is in my garshfuckingdamn house?!”

The voice of the gentle giant boomed. I couldn’t move, all I could do was just wait for him to come down and greet me angrily. It was better than sleeping in the alley. Yet again, he could decide to kick me out of the house once he got there.

After a few more unbearable moments, he walked out of the shadow, wielding a thick piece of wood (a bat or a broom maybe). Being a unicorn, he can look angry and show it with his mouth while bringing an extra scare factor with him.

He looked at me, obviously more than pissed off at me. I just let out a squeak and wordless mumbles.

“Boy, what the fuck do you think you’re doing banging the door this late at night?!” He yelled at me, “You scared your mother half to death! Damnit, you should know not to do that to your poor mother!”

“I-I-ahh-I’m…” I tried to apologize but my tongue refuses to cooperate. In the end, I just looked down , ears lowered.

I heard him sigh and the sound of something hitting the floor echoed. He must’ve dropped the weapon, he had no more use for it.

“Come inside, you must be tired and hungry after staying outside doing Celestia knows what,” he told me in a much calmer tone. “Make sure to close the door on your way in. There’s some food left at the kitchen.”

I followed him without any hesitance. Closed the door quickly but gently, carefully trotted towards the kitchen, and soundlessly opened the covered food. Good ol’ Dad just sat there, watching me. It was either just my troubled mind, or maybe not, I noticed he looked...concerned. He rarely looked concerned, especially if I was the one with the problem.

I slowly ate my food, still quite shocked from that night’s events. My father just watched me ate, or maybe studying my face. He opened his mouth to say something before closing it and shaking his head. Finally, he left me alone, went back to sleep. He was a stallion of a few words, not the type to be sentimental or such.

That night, I arrived home tired, hungry, cold, scared, and confused. I have killed somepony in self-defence, said pony being a good friend for years. I felt guilt, remorse...but I also felt a bit elated when I did manage to stab him. Was it the sudden adrenaline...or was it something more?

What did I get myself into?

These were the thoughts that occupied my mind that night. I couldn’t sleep, all I could do was...rewind to that event and relive it in my mind. It was only when the sun’s light shined brightly on my face was when I was able to snap out of the trance and start functioning properly.

Princess, I wish you once more a pleasant day. Forgive me for any...uncivilized words I have used in this letter, or in any other letter. I am simply just writing down what I think I remember. But if you wish it, then I will try my best to censor (or lessen) these words.

P.S. I...I don’t really want to be a burden nor do I want to create any more problems from you but...it seems that I might need a bit of help from you...if you don’t mind that is. I may not be able to write you another letter for…”some” time after this for I have run out on paper and running low on ink. I...also have to ration my bits for my necessities and payment of rent. Actually, nevermind. I’m already asking too much from you. Again, pleasant day.

Apology

Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

I must apologize for my...behavior this last few weeks. I have been ignoring your letters, I have locked myself in, and once more, my mind has been driven to the darkness. I must apologize for any sense of dread that you must have felt in my last letter to you, your highness, but I must also apologize for scaring you and leaving you in the dark.

I must apologize for forcing you to come look for me. I saw you searched around the town in vain for nopony exactly knows where I live nor my true name. I have failed to see how my actions may have affected you.

Now, I have decided that I should continue the story. It’s the best for...I’m not sure, me? The both of us? But first, I have to reply to your previous letters.

You are right, your Highness, that the ritual my young self has participated was related to an ancient dark cult. Killing one of the members with the ritual knife would have successfully made you one of them. This was the first of the many mistakes I’ll later commit. Maybe I should have just knocked Jerry out, but once you hold the knife, all you feel is the need to murder. I was lucky to have let it go as soon as it was finished.

I also see that you have indeed checked the newspaper. Murder, it read.

The Mysterious Murder of an Orphan

If you read it, then you would know that the murderer was never found. So was the murder weapon. Disappeared without a trace.

I...I have nothing much else to say, actually. I can’t think straightly, not after what I have done...to you. I need to clear my mind for a while but I have one last thing to say to you.

If you will it, then I will accept any punishments that you will give me, whether it be death, torture, or something else. I can’t be excused with this kind of attitude if I were to continue writing letters to you. I’m still a lowly pony and I must treat you with respect. Just say the word and I will be at the bridge where we first met, waiting. I will not resist. But if you have don’t have that in mind, then it’s up to you to decide whether to continue to listen to my story. Any answer will appreciated.

Until next time, Princess.