The First and Only Chapter
Inside of the magnificent castle of Princess Twilight Sparkle, the doors to the grand dining hall opened as seven ponies walked inside. Leading the way was Twilight Sparkle herself, who carried a smile as she led the way for everypony to sit. Along with all of the fellow Elements of Harmony, who were also smiling curiously while holding invitations in their hooves, Starlight Glimmer seemed especially excited as she sat down first.
“Oh my goodness!” exclaimed the unicorn mare giddily while waiting for the others to sit. “I can’t believe it! It hasn’t even been two weeks, and I’m already a part of one of your big meetings!”
“Well,” replied Twilight with a shrug as she sat down at the head of the table, “technically speaking, this isn’t one of our official Royal meetings. Spike just really wanted to tell us all something.”
“Yeah,” added Rainbow Dash as she sat across from Starlight. She waved around the purple and green envelope in her cyan hoof for emphasis while saying. “None of us even knew about this meeting until this morning, but Spike seemed pretty excited about it. He sent us these envelopes personally!”
Applejack nodded in agreement. “Mmmhmm. Ah think Ah was the last to get a letter since he looked so tuckered out. Ah don’t think Ah ever saw him so happy about somethin’ outside of the Crystal Empire.”
Rarity interjected with a cheerful, “Well, I couldn’t be happier for him.” As the regal unicorn sat herself in the seat beside Rainbow Dash’s, she beamed with delight while saying, “I might not know what it is that made the drake so enthusiastic, but I’m sure it’s something important.”
Everypony nodded happily to Rarity’s statement. Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy were the last two ponies to sit down. “So, what do you girls think it is!?” asked Pinkie excitedly after jumping into her chair. “Did he get his wings? Is he moving to the Crystal Empire? Did he get a girlfriend? HHUUUUUHHHH!!!”
Pinkie’s overwhelmed gasp was barely concealed, despite both her hooves covering her mouth when she did so. She then stood on the seat of her chair and squealed with her hooves at the side of her head, “Maybe Spike is coming out of the closet!!”
“PINKIE!!” shouted Twilight with an annoyed scowl. “That’s enough!”
“Awww, that would actually be kinda sweet,” said Starlight with a guilty shrug of her shoulders. While Twilight gave a befuddled stare towards her, the new addition to the group raised her hooves and added, “What? I can’t be open to those kinds of things? When I went back to my old village, they actually threw a party to celebrate Party Favor and Double Diamond becoming a couple! I didn’t even think either of them swung that way, but they seemed like a really cute pair.”
Even though Twilight, along with everypony else, seemed rather surprised at Starlight’s addition to the group conversation, Rainbow Dash was the first to add her input in reference to the topic at hand. “Well, I’d hate to break it to you, Starlight, but the only way Spike would be gay is if Rarity suddenly grew a giant peni--”
The sound of a door bursting open upstairs was enough to pause Rainbow’s statement, and keep the currently fuming Rarity from doing anything physical towards her. As the sound of footsteps became louder in the castle, it only took a brief moment before Spike came into the room with a giant grin. “Hey, girls!”
“Hey, Spike!” said all seven mares enthusiastically. Spike looked around the table as he got to his spot, which was at the head of the table opposite of Twilight’s.
“Oh, great! All of you came!” Seeming incredibly pleased that everypony was present, Spike didn’t hesitate to sit upright in his chair and clear his throat. “Alright, uhh… you’re all probably wondering why I asked to throw a meeting today.”
“Mmmhmm!” nodded Pinkie eagerly. “We were just talking about it before you came down!” The pink mare then instantly jolted in recollection and shouted, “OOH! Who is it, Spike?! Is it Rumble? Pipsqueak?!”
“Huh?” asked the dragon with a tilted head and an unsure expression. Fortunately, Twilight lit her horn to shut Pinkie’s muzzle with her magic.
“Sorry about that,” said Twilight sincerely as Pinkie struggled against the Princess’s aura. “Pinkie is just really anxious to know what this is about.”
“Oh, alright.” Spike quickly regrew his smile and shrugged. Seeing how everypony was waiting to hear what he had to say (including Pinkie, who was just beginning to settle down), Spike was beaming as he began. “Well, to be honest, this might not be the biggest thing to happen to me. I mean, it’s certainly not a crystal statue or anything,” he added with a small chuckle to himself, “but it’s still really cool. And because of that, I wanted all my friends to know about it first.”
A round of “Awwws” swept around the table, with all the mares looking touched by that last part. Starlight Glimmer looked especially honored, and had to look away from the drake to wipe a stray tear.
“So,” continued the dragon as his tone started to become more energetic, “I got a letter a couple weeks back from a company, who happen to specialize in dragon-based toys. They were really impressed with the things I did up in the Crystal Empire, and they wanted to contact me due to my popularity up there.”
Even though most of the ponies seemed to understand so far, Fluttershy tilted her head in confusion. “Umm… So, if they wanted to talk with you because you saved the Crystal Empire twice, then why did they wait until now?”
Spike cringed a little and rubbed the back of his head. “Well, apparently, they tried to send a letter a while back, but I think it was unopened around the time Tirek was…”
Fluttershy, along with the rest of the group, slouched in their seats with their ears lowered, instantly getting why Spike’s tone changed so drastically. Even Starlight winced a little in discomfort, knowing what happened to Twilight and Spike’s original home after Tirek's attack.
Nevertheless, the drake quickly shook his head to get back on track. “But!” started Spike as he got his tone back to a more positive-sounding voice. “I replied to them about that, so they totally understood! I started writing back and forth with them for a while, and I just approved for an offer they made yesterday!”
By now, everypony was even more curious about Spike’s announcement than before. Twilight seemed especially intrigued as she asked, “An offer? This isn’t anything major, is it?”
“Oh, no no no,” assured the dragon with a shake of his head. “It’s not like I’m gonna leave being your assistant or anything, I swear! All they wanted was for me to take a few photos, because…”
With a huge grin across his face, Spike stood on top of his chair to announce proudly, “You girls are looking at the new mascot for Terrible Drake!!”
Everyone around the table gasped, but some of them were for very different reasons. For Twilight, Applejack, Starlight, and Pinkie, their reactions looked fairly impressed and happy for the smiling dragon. However, for Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Fluttershy, their gasps were accompanied by shocked and appalled faces.
“W-WHAT?!” screamed Rarity as her hooves gripped the sides of her face.
Rainbow Dash was quick to add, “Are you SERIOUS!?!” From the way she was blinking repeatedly, it was unclear whether the Pegasus was waiting for a joke or anxious to smack him over the head. Meanwhile, Fluttershy was just staring at Spike wide-eyed, with her cheeks heavily blushed.
“I sure am!” piped Spike in a proud manner to Rainbow’s question. “They said that a LOT of ponies wanted their toys because of me, so they wanted me to be the face for all their products!”
Rarity was struggling to keep her face from hitting the table due to shock, and had to keep her head up with both hooves. While Fluttershy tried to turn her stunned gaze down to her own lap, Dash was fully face-hoofed and shaking her head softly. “No, no, no, no…”
Twilight, not seeing how dismayed the three mares looked, kept her attention on Spike and said, “Well, I think I speak for all of us when I say we’re really happy for you, Spike! That sounds like a great thing for you to do!”
“NO!!!” Everyone turned their heads towards the white unicorn who made that shout. Unable to agree with her friend’s misinformed congratulations, Rarity threw her hooves down to plead towards Spike, “No, Spike! You can NOT do this!! You simply can not!”
The other four mares stared at Rarity puzzledly, and Spike was the first to ask in an offended tone, “Well, why not?! Is it because of the name?”
Applejack pondered that question for a second and replied, “Well, maybe it ain’t the best kind of name to put yer face next to.”
Starlight interjected with, “But it’s not like we know the context of it. For all we know, they use it in a good way! Like when you say something is ‘bad’ or ‘sick’.”
While the orange mare shrugged at Starlight’s point, nopony seemed to hear Fluttershy mutter to herself, “That is not the correct context.”
“Spike!” yelled Rainbow Dash in a firmer tone towards the dragon. “Do you actually know what kind of company Terrible Drake IS?”
“Umm… yeah,” answered Spike in a tone like Rainbow just asked if he knew what two plus two equaled. “They already told me! They sell toys!”
Dash’s head hit the table. Hard.
“Spike, honey,” said Rarity more desperately, “You really, really need to understand why we’re being so defensive here. You have to believe us when we say this isn’t something you should do.”
“Well, why not?!” said the drake as he started to sound angry. “All they wanted was for me to smile and give a claws-up for the camera!” Spike paused for a brief moment in thought, and added with a shrug, “Well, they also asked for me to wear some black vest and a matching poofy-looking hat, but is that REALLY that big of a deal?”
“YES!! Yes it is!!!”
Rainbow Dash, sounding fed-up with the dragon’s stubbornness, brought her head back up to state clearly. “Spike! The toys they sell there, are not for kids!!”
Spike quickly became confused. “Huh? What do you mean?”
“Yes, what do you mean by that?” asked Twilight with her perplexed stare now pointed at Rainbow and the other two. “Just what kind of company is Terrible Drake?”
Rainbow’s eyes widened in instant regret, and her body was frozen in awkwardness. “Uhhhh…”
Rarity also seemed worried about that question, and turned her head away with a bit lip. “Ooh, ummm… how do we…”
Neither of the two seemed particularly eager to explain the details of the company in front of the baby dragon, which prompted him to ask, “Well, is it, like… a teenage sort of thing? Do they sell guns?”
“N-no,” quickly answered Rainbow with a wave of her hoof as she made a deep breath. “No, they don't sell guns…”
Before the cyan Pegasus could finish her answer and explain herself any further, a deeply blushing Fluttershy made a feeble shrug and added, “Well, some of their toys shoot stuff.”
“FLUTTERSHY!!” shouted Dash and Rarity at the same time, which just made the yellow mare shrink into a fetal position in her chair.
“Alright, alright!” shouted Applejack in an annoyed tone of voice with her hoof raised. “Can somepony PLEASE tell us why the hay Spike shouldn’t be sellin’ some toys? Or whatever the heck you’re callin’ them?!”
Rainbow made another quick breath, and settled herself down enough to say in a calmer tone. “All that we’re saying, is that Spike should NOT have his face next to what they sell!”
“Why not?” asked Twilight more cautiously than before. “Is it something bad?”
“Yes,” said Rarity insistently. “I mean, it’s not a horrible company or anything,” she added involuntarily, which caused her to quickly shake her head and try to hide her own guilty blush. “B-but… Terrible Drake is not a company that a baby dragon should be promoting.”
“Oh, come on!” shouted Spike in legitimate anger. “Just because I’m technically still a baby, doesn’t mean that I can’t make decisions for myself! I think helping to save Equestria several times should give me the right to do one modeling job like a grown up!”
“Not THAT kind of grown up!!” shot Dash back at him.
“Girls, girls, GIRLS!!!”
Pinkie Pie stood back up on her chair as she silenced everyone, no longer having her muzzle shut by Twilight’s magic. After making sure nobody was going to interrupt her, the pink mare cleared her throat to say. “Alright, before anything else can be said, I think we need to look at this from Spike’s point of view.”
While the dragon made a grateful “Thank you!” in response, Pinkie focused her attention on Dash and Rarity before either of them could retort. “Spike is our friend,” began the mare with a hoof pointed towards him, “and he was really happy because we wanted to tell us of a big decision he made for himself as an adult, but you two had to be party-poopers and try to spoil his mood!”
“Pinkie, we’re not trying to kill the mood!” said Rainbow Dash as she tried to state her case. “We’re just--”
“Ohhhh no you don’t!” interrupted Pinkie Pie quickly enough to make both Dash and Rarity pause in surprise. “I’m going to finish whether you like it or not!”
Pinkie then got out of her seat, and trotted towards Spike while continuing her statement. “Spike has been just as important to our group as any one of us on our own have! He helped us when we were in need, never backed down from a task given to him, and he even saved all our patooties more than once! And on today, when he wanted to tell us something that made him happy, I don’t think it’s alright to stop it and try to dampen his self-esteem.”
While Spike looked up to the pink pony standing beside him with a grateful smile on his face, Rarity raised a hoof cautiously. “Pinkie? We--”
“And because of that,” said Pinkie in interruption again, placing a hoof around Spike’s back, “I say that we celebrate Spike’s new job as a mascot for Terrible Drake! If he wants to model for a company that sells rubber weiners across all of Equestria, then we should give him the right as an adult to do so!”
“Thank you Pink--wait, WHAT?!?” Catching that one part in her last sentence, Spike jolted away from Pinkie’s hoof to stare at the mare wide-eyed. “Wh… what did you say?!”
“What?” asked Pinkie nonchalantly. After looking around, and seeing from the shocked stares that the rest of the mares caught her words as well, Pinkie blinked a couple times in growing confusion. “Ummm… is something wrong?”
“... Did you just say ‘Rubber Weiners’?” asked Starlight Glimmer with narrowed eyes.
“Umm… yeah?” answered Pinkie with a shrug and skewed brows. “What else do you think a company that makes sex toys sells? Burritos?”
“They make WHAT?!?” screamed Twilight as she jumped out of her chair.
Pinkie just rolled her eyes with a giggle, “Oh, they don’t actually sell burritos, Twi! Just dildos and stuff.”
While Starlight and Applejack remained in their seats in frozen shock, Twilight had to grab her chest to try her best to control her breathing. Rarity, Dash, and Fluttershy were all staring at Pinkie with their mouths agape, none of them sure what to say to the only other mare who knew this whole time. And still sitting in his chair as well, Spike was just staring off at a distance wide-eyed, unable to even think after being given that big detail.
“...S-Spike?” began Twilight as she slowly walked out of the room, “I… I’m going to write to that company to cancel your appointment, alright?”
Pinkie may have stared at the Princess with an offended expression, but Spike only made a feeble nod in response without even turning his head. “O… okay… You do that…”
After Twilight left the room, Pinkie just shrugged before hopping back to her chair. “Eh, oh well. You’ll get a better first job someday, Spikey-Wikie!”
The rest of the remaining group weren’t sure who to be staring at more: Pinkie for her bizarre reaction to this shocking announcement, or at Spike for his troubling stare into nothing. Since Fluttershy was seated closest to him, she cautiously leaned in towards the dragon to ask, “Spike? Are… are you alright?”
Spike didn’t move for a few seconds, but his emerald eyes blinked a couple times before he muttered to himself, “... That… that explains some things…”
“Huh?” asked Applejack as she turned her attention to him as well. Meanwhile, the drake brought his gaze down to the table in front of him, and took another long moment until his mouth reopened.
“... I… I was wondering why they wanted a picture of me licking a popsicle…”
The End
