Change of Heart: The Shadow of Hatred

Spike

I took a deep breath of air just as a cool gust made its way upcountry. Leaning against the balcony rail, I got a glorious view of the slowly setting sun. For a short moment, just before it vanished over the horizon, it bathed Equestria’s largest construction site into a beautiful reddish glow.

Mist from the river began to rise, wafting over the landscape and past the countless wooden skeleton structures spread across the otherwise almost empty countryside. The tremors that had followed the city hall detonation, as well as heaps of smoking debris from Malice’s almost-world ending pathos spell, had shaken Ponyville to its core. If the shrapnel rain hadn’t gotten to the buildings, the shockwave had. Those that had still been standing afterwards hadn’t been safe to inhabit. It wasn’t long until Canterlot had mobilized the funds and workforce to rebuild it all.

Some priority buildings, like the hospital for example, were almost back to normal, while most others had to wait for the steady supply of construction material trickling into the city with each arriving train.

Mayor Mare had opted to rebuild the city just the way it had been, and most of the townsfolk agreed. Shining pressed for a five meter palisade around the city limit and watchtowers sporting heavy artillery, but Twilight, the mayor, and especially Applejack had quickly talked him out of it. Ponyville would get the traditional treatment in its reconstruction, and Shining had eventually given up arguing with them. I would’ve sided with Twilight more if the nightmares didn’t constantly remind me how close we all had gotten to dying.

As the sun disappeared, so did its warmth. The mist and cloudless sky sapped it from the air quicker than expected. It didn’t take long until the first shiver overcame me, despite the bandages still wrapped around most of my limbs and upper body. Rather than go back inside, I stuck around to drink in everything we fought for a little longer.

Down in the castle courtyard, a horn lit up with magic. Seconds later a bright flare exploded just above the castle, bathing the yard in bright yellow light.

Good to see the cold doesn’t stop some ponies from having fun.

“Step!” Elytra’s voice boomed across the yard. While harsh in tone, it also carried the passion and strength she inherited from her mother.

The platoon of Prism Guard recruits before her obeyed, albeit more uncoordinated than she might have expected.

“Slash!”

They began to move in unison, each move further adding to their efficiency.

“Step! Block! Step! Slash!”

Unlike her recruits, Elytra never seemed to grow tired of the routine. New squads were rotating in almost every week now, replacing those that had returned to the Crystal Empire, to Canterlot, and to other cities all across the nation. Something told me Thorax and some of the recently reunited changelings from Noble’s brood being part of the training had a lot to do with Elytra’s bottomless enthusiasm. The Prism Guard was growing rapidly, and there was no denying Noble and Elytra were playing huge roles in it.

Seeing changelings and ponies working together, growing stronger and helping each other, made all the pain I went through absolutely worth it.

“Hey!” she suddenly snapped. Her glare focused on the poor mare who had dropped the dummy dagger. “Pay attention, you fool! Do you want to die?”

I could almost hear the mare squeak in response.

“Weapon combat is serious business! Lives are on the line, especially yours! You wouldn’t accidentally drop your leg in combat, would you?”

“N-no ma’am!”

“Then don’t drop your blade, either. This weapon is an extension of your body! Your movements must flow like a river. Now, form pairs everycreature!”

Despite my ribcage’s protest I couldn’t help but chuckle. Like mother, like daughter.

The chuckle eventually turned into a cough, straining weak muscles still healing from the Typhoon blast incident. I shook it off and walked back inside. The last thing I needed on top of my bruises, strains, stripped scales and partially fractured ribs, was to catch a cold.

*Lie down and catch your breath. I’ll review the lesson with you after this drill.* Even through the dragon whisper I could feel Elytra’s concern and warmth.

“Thanks, Elytra. Wish I could join you guys.”

*I’ll keep your spot warm. I expect nothing less than a perfect bill of health before you set foot on the training field. Got it?*

“Yes, mom.” I was almost sad Elytra didn’t reply. It was a safe bet she would make me pay for that later.

Once back in, I was met with the spicy scent of pumpkins, ginger, and onions. My stomach cheered for the opportunity to dive into whatever smelled so good. The perfect reminder dinner was ready.

Several passing ponies greeted me along the way. Some were members of the Prism Guard on patrol, while others were workers or volunteers staying at the castle to help with Ponyville’s recovery efforts. Even got to greet a changeling buzzing about, aiding ponies with various labor around the castle. Everycreature was putting time and effort into working together and rebuilding what we lost in Malice’s invasion.

‘Time will heal’, huh?

Time was all I had going for me these days.

Time to sleep. To read comics. To study changeling culture and history. To fight insomnia. To scream bloody murder in my sleep. To wonder if Flash will ever wake up. To worry about the rogue changeling broods and vassals Chrysalis and Discord talked about.

Time to do everything but actually help.

The increasingly potent scent of pumpkin delight broke through the spiraling thoughts and led me to a special pair of volunteers who were probably having dinner right about now: the Cakes.

Their door was already open. Even if their shift was over, they rarely stopped offering a helping hoof. It must have been a quieter day for us to have dinner together on time. Just in case, I peeked from around the corner first to make sure I wasn’t interrupting anything.

The Cakes were unable to recover much from their home. Two mattresses took up one wall of the room while a collection of pots, pans and various cooking supplies was stacked against the other in barely controlled chaos. Center of the cramped space was a large wood table with eight seats and a pot of Pumpkin cream soup in the middle. Half the seats were occupied by the lovely family of four.

Pumpkin and Pound happily chowed down on the tantalizing soup while their parents were still setting up the table. Weariness was in full display with Mr. and Mrs. Cake’s unkempt manes and tired eyes. It was enough to make me hesitate.

How much time have they had for themselves? Had anyone besides me had a break?

During the three weeks that passed, I can’t recall them ever having a single day of quality time with each other. Meanwhile, all I’ve been allowed to do is stay in bed and wait for my night terrors to pass.

What happened to the dragon who took part in a stealth mission? The guy who helped coordinate a military operation and took on a warlord? Now that same dragon is stuck in the background while everypony else does the hard part. Back to square one.

I slowly retreated from the doorstep. They deserved time for themselves, without having to watch out for me on top of their relief work.

Just as I moved to retreat, my chance was lost when Pumpkin and Pound noticed me and waved. “Hi Spike!”

Mr. Cake immediately brightened up. “Hey! Glad you could make it, buddy!”

Exposed, I moved back into the doorframe, neither moving away nor stepping inside. “Oh, h-hey guys! I, uh…” A reason to excuse myself failed to reach my tongue. I blame the soup for distracting me.

Mrs. Cake’s smile dipped a little. “Don’t just stand there, Spike. Come and join us!”

That little voice continued to haunt me. They’re obviously stressed out and tired. I can’t do that to them. “I appreciate it! I really do, but you two have been working nonstop. You should use this time to relax as a family. Give yourselves a break.”

Mr. and Mrs. exchanged a look before breaking out into a laugh.

“Know what? You’re absolutely right, Spike. It’s important to relax with family. That’s why you should take your own advice and enjoy dinner with us! You’re family too.”

“That’s right!” Mrs. Cake seconded. “I don’t know what nonsense is filling that head of yours, but spending time with family who enjoy our food is the only way we know how to relax. Now park your behind in a seat. We won’t take no for an answer, mister!”

I resisted the urge to sigh, defeated. No way I could deny the offer after that. Even if I did, my stomach chose this time to scream at me to comply. I raised my claws in surrender. “Okay, you got me! Thanks for having me for dinner, as always, Mr. and Mrs.—”

I took maybe three steps inside before I sensed it.

“Get him!” Several voices shouted in unison.

Memories of a certain warlord jumped to the forefront of my mind. I rolled forward and spun to greet the ambushers, ignoring sharp pain echoing through my ribs. My hand went for the invisible daggers I still kept on me.

Three familiar teenage fillies piled up where I had been moments ago. Quickly realizing that there was no danger I relaxed my guard, half irritated, half amused. While this was not their first attempt to catch me by surprise, doing so inside the Cake’s private quarters was their boldest attempt yet. “Girls, you know shouting “got ‘em” doesn’t actually help, right?”

“W-we might’ve gotten a little excited…” Sweetie Belle admitted.

Scootaloo fumed a little. “Aww, and we were so close to finally surprising you!”

“Still got a ways to go, ah guess.” Applebloom sighed.

I almost feel bad not letting them catch me. Almost.

Mr. Cake struggled to keep himself from laughing. “Sorry, Spike. I promised I would keep quiet as long as they weren’t doing anything mean.”

“It’s fine. I’ve gotten used to it. Still...” There was something odd about these ambushes I couldn’t put my claw on. If I was a paranoid dragon, I would say they were stalking me. “Why do you girls keep trying to sneak up on me?”

Just like the last time I asked, their answer was the same.

“It’s a secret!” They chimed with eerily good choreography.

Oh well. Worth a shot.

“If you four are done playing, sit down and eat before it gets cold,” said Mrs. Cake.

“Okay!” We all took a seat, ready to dive into the Cake’s pumpkin soup.

Delicious spices, cinnamon, cream and vegetables melted on my tongue with each sip. It took a lot of effort to not down the entire bowl in one breath, pacing myself out of politeness. Besides, with eight mouths to feed, I did not want my dragon appetite dominating dinner.

The first few minutes went by with only the sounds of scooping spoons and shifting plates for seconds and thirds. Light conversation soon took place here and there, Cakes trying new successful recipes or the Cutie Mark Crusaders boasting about how helpful they’ve been around town. I kept mostly to myself, not exactly having much to contribute to the conversation.

I wonder when Flash will wake up.

I only found out through Noble how much was being kept secret about his condition. With the seal placed on him broken, we have no idea who will wake up, let alone when. I couldn’t even see him thanks to the guards restricting access to only Twilight and Discord. No amount of arguing made them budge from their position. His absence, and my inability to do anything to help him, emphasized how powerless I really was.

“Well, I don’t think I need to ask if you enjoy our food,” Mrs. Cake giggled and patted at her nose.

Taking the hint, I mimicked her to find some of the soup decorating my face. “Oh. My bad.” I wiped it off with a napkin and proceeded to keep eating, my face a couple of degrees hotter.

I caught a look passed between the married couple before Mr. Cake tagged in. “You know you can talk to us about anything, right? We’re here for you anytime you want to talk.”

“I’m fine. Really! Just sick and tired of being in pain. You’d think it gets easier after a while.” I forced out the most disarming smile I could muster. It seemed to work, as the worried tension evident in their creased brows relaxed.

Curiosity grabbed me when I caught the crusaders whispering among themselves. Just then, I recalled something Noble was really evasive about. “Hey girls, I just remembered something.”

They nearly jumped out of their skin, fidgeting as they sat up straight and played innocent. No doubt whatever they were talking about had something to do with me. “What’s that, Spike?” Applebloom asked.

“Noble talked about how you girls saved her during a chase.” No one told them exactly what happened then and I had no plans on explaining what Elytra almost did to them to force Noble’s hoof. “She mentioned something about a deal she struck with you to keep her secret. What was that deal?”

“Well, normally we shouldn’t say anything,” Sweetie started, “but since changelings are our friends now, guess there’s no point in hiding it. She disguised herself as a giant pink, fluffy pony! It was so cute I couldn’t take it!”

“We all got to cuddle it! She was sooo fluffy!” Scootaloo chirped.

Laughter roared all around the table. I was almost in tears. The mental image alone was almost too much. “That. Is. Amazing!”

“It was so worth it saving her!” Scootaloo chirped. “Not only did we help save the day, we’re even getting ninja lessons—”

“Scootaloo!” Applebloom and Sweetie cut her off. The Cakes were confused, but I knew exactly what Scootaloo let slip.

“Ninja what-now?” Mr. Cake inquired. “What’s that?”

I had a mountain of questions for those three as well. However, the last thing I wanted was the Cakes worrying they were learning something dangerous… at least, I hope it wasn’t.

“They’re talking about ninjutsu. It’s mostly stuff about discipline, self control, typical life lessons thrown into a good work out. Right girls?”

They enthusiastically nodded, not saying a word.

“Oh, okay!” Mr. Cake looked satisfied with my answer. “I think I heard about something like that brought overseas from Nippone. Well, it’s good you all are learning about good discipline at your age.”

“Noble said the same thing. It really opened my eyes!” Much as I talked it up, I can't say everything I learned was foal-friendly. Not that they needed to know about how I utilized such “discipline”.

I was about to go back to scarfing down pumpkin cream soup when I caught Sweetie Belle staring at me between sips. There was a weird starry look, the kind I see Rarity have sometimes when she’s looking at some couples or handsome stallions. Safe to say, I had a bad feeling about this.

“Uh, Sweetie Belle? Is everything alright?”

She answered after a contemplative pause. “Are you Miss Heart’s boyfriend?”

I nearly spat out the soup I was about to swallow. Mr. and Mrs. Cake also choked. “W-where did that come from?!”

Applebloom poked Sweetie’s side, shooting a dirty look. “Ya promised not to ask ‘bout that!”

“Oh come on! I can’t be the only one thinking about it! You can see it just from the way he talks about her!”

“Ignore her.” Scootaloo tried to wave off the subject. Bless her heart. “You know how she gets caught up in all the romance junk. We know she only visits your room during the night for training.”

When the Cake’s heads slowly turned, throwing me a look mixed with worry and intrigue, I wanted to hide under the biggest rock I could find.

Dammit, Scootaloo! I thought you were on my side!

“Spike…” Mrs. Cake had that face as she spoke. A face Twilight has given me a few times before, and always led to conversation I never, ever wanted to revisit.

“Whoa, hold on, it’s not like that!” I frantically waved my hands. “I already told you guys how much she helped me out! She just happens to check up on me once in a while and deliver Zecora’s sleep aids. There’s nothing weird happening between us, alright?”

“Now, now, Spike,” Mr. Cake chuckled, “there’s no shame in, um, keeping good company behind closed doors at your age… although I don’t know how that would work with a changeling. I’m still getting used to the idea of being friendly with them. You’re a fast working dragon, that’s for sure.”

Oh no…

“Now dear, you shouldn’t be encouraging such provocative behavior! But now that I think about it…” Mrs. Cake pondered aloud, “they could transform into anything, right? With a marefriend like that… oh dear, the possibilities!”

Oh no…!

“Well, if the cats outta the bag anyway...” Applebloom shrugged as she turned to me, “do ya make requests or prefer her natural?”

I could hear a pin drop.

All color drained from the Cakes, gaping at Applebloom with jaws nearly hitting the table. Scootaloo dropped her head into her hooves, almost as mortified as I was. And if Sweetie Belle got any redder she would give Big Mac a run for his bits.

All the while Applebloom regarded me with nothing but innocent eagerness to a question I hadn’t even entertained. Until now.

“...Well? Don’t keep us hangin’. Ah got a week of chores with AJ and Big Mac ridin’ on this.”

“Aaaaand I’m done! Goodnight everypony!” I jumped out of my chair and fled as fast as my legs could carry me. Last thing I heard was a confused Applebloom going “Aww, c’mon!”.

Strutting down the hall, I could only focus on the rapidfire thoughts barraging me.

Where did that even come from? Me and Noble? Queen Noble at that? Those girls are crazy!

Even before Chrysalis relinquished her title of queen to Noble, I knew there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in Tartarus some upstart novice like me would have a chance with her. Nevermind what she said that one night… or when she kissed me. As the new queen, she’s got way more on her plate to worry about than some dragon fledgling like me.

Yeah! Totally out of my league! I mean, sure, she hangs out in my room at night when she’s stressed out and needs to talk, but that’s just because I’m her student. Not like she considers me—

My pace slowed as a thought dawned on me.

What do I think of her?

For all of my stress over thinking how she actually feels about me it didn’t click for me to look into how I felt about her. With someone like Rarity, our stance was clear; I was into her, but she was not into me. Noble and I had the opposite going on; I had no idea whether she was truly just teasing me or just trying to get me to make a move. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t working, but I had no idea where to even begin making a move, or if I even should.

The only thing I knew was that I cared about her. Beyond that, I’ll just have to improvise or ask around. Not sure who I could possibly ask about her, though. Forget asking Chrysalis or—

Something grabbed my shoulder from behind.

Fluster morphed into terror. I tore my shoulder from the assailant and spun one-eighty degrees. Terror clashed with shock as none other than Elytra’s hoof hovered where my shoulder had been. Elytra didn’t say anything, simply stared at me with deep concern. Or rather, at my hands.

I followed her gaze to witness my shaky claw clutching my unsheathed dagger.

When did I…?

I glanced around the hall in a panic, praying no one else saw me draw a knife on Elly. I was met with emptiness, the shadows of curtains softly dancing across the floor.

I definitely didn’t remember the hallway being this empty. Just how long had I been walking around with my head in the clouds? I wasn’t that out of it. Was I?

The insufferable silence accompanied by Elytra’s worried look unnerved me, especially when I realized my blade was still pointed shakily in her direction. I quickly sheathed the dagger, but the damage was done.

If I didn’t catch myself, would I have…?

I expected Elytra to be angry with me for breaking weapon discipline, let alone draw my weapon against her. What she opted for instead was decidedly worse; pity.

“E-Elytra, I’m sorry, I just—”

She motioned her hoof for silence.

“No, Spike, I should apologize. I shouldn’t have grabbed you so suddenly.”

Awkward pause. I’d rarely seen Elytra look so uncomfortable, like she wanted to say something she shouldn’t. If she was holding back just because I’m injured...

“I’m the one who almost hurt you, Elytra. You can yell at me if you want. I’m not made of glass.”

“Is that right?” She looked me up and down, evaluating me like a science project. “Why do you believe I need to yell at you? Or that I would even want to?”

The genuine worry in her voice left me on the defense. Elytra had been nothing but nice after that incident. Perhaps a little professionally stiff when she kept her passionate side underwraps, but the last thing I wanted was for her to think I saw her as some insensitive monster. “N-no! Gosh, no! I didn’t mean it like that! I just… I mean…”

It suddenly hit me that I really had no idea why I said what I said. My poor weapon discipline had nothing to do with my injuries, and Elytra was way too smart to not know that.

So why did I come at her like that? What’s wrong with me?

“Spike.” Elytra’s ‘instructor’ tone kicked in. I instantly jumped at attention. “I need to submit a report to the princess about the new changelings that came in today. If there’s something you need, I’ll grab it for you on the way. Otherwise, go to your room and wait for my arrival. Is that clear?”

“Y-yes ma’am! I don’t need anything at the moment, ma’am!” I knew better than to refuse Elytra’s request. More than that, the pitying look she had rubbed me the wrong way. As if she understood something that was over my head. But I knew better than to question her when she got into instructor mode.

“Good. Just…” Elytra sighed as she walked over and placed a hoof on my shoulder. “Look, you’re not in trouble or anything, alright? I still plan on going over combat review with you. Use the time to loosen up until I visit you.”

Elytra being this sincere and calming somehow hurt worse than her getting upset with me. Not wanting to worry her anymore than I already did, I nodded silently.

“You’re dismissed. And try not to draw your weapon against anypony else in the meantime, alright?” With a comforting squeeze on my shoulder, Elytra left for the adjacent hall. As instructed, I retreated back to my room, albeit far calmer and weapon-free.

Once to my room, I closed the door and leaned back on it, sliding to the floor until I was hugging my knees.

Something’s wrong with me, isn’t there?

Recalling how I’d almost pulled the knife on the CMC earlier didn’t do much for my mood. I’d been jumpy here and there, sure, but today was by far the worst it’s been. Something needed to be done before I ended up actually hurting somepony.

Maybe that whole thing with the CMC got me more rattled than I thought. Maybe a drill or two will burn it out of my system. Better hurry before Elly comes back then.

I locked my door and moved to the center of the room. I drew two of my Niekinis daggers and went to work.

Angling my posture, I raised the blades, holding them downward in a boxing stance. I envisioned Noble standing before me, mirroring me in her disguise. How she would step forward and lunge. I stepped back and deflected the imaginary blade. I stepped forward, slashing with both blades. Pretending to get deflected, I shifted back to allow the imaginary Noble to strike me.

My legs trembled with every pivot and step. Pain shot down my spine, ribs, and thighs as I shadowboxed with my daggers, cutting at my invisible opponent. Still, this pain was nothing compared to my fight with the warlord. We were lucky to survive that fight with only a few casualties. But luck wasn’t going to save me next time. Save any of us.

The dragon I was before meeting Flash and Noble would’ve died several times over. I can never go back to that, not after everything we sacrificed to live another day.

“Never again…!” I stepped forward into a flurry of slashes, then forward again into a series of stabs. “I’ll never be weak ever again!”

“Who said you were weak, Shortcake?”

I was grabbed by the arm and spun around before I could even think. I froze under Noble’s ice-cold glare.

“On that topic, I believe you were explicitly told not to do any kind of physical training. Am I wrong?”

Caught with my claw in the cookie jar, all I could do was give up quietly and cast my eyes to the floor. I’d take Twilight’s lectures over Noble’s admonishing glares any day of the week.

“Spike,” Her grip tightened. “You don’t get to hide from me. Look at me.”

Hide. That word cut deeper than any knife could. Knowing Noble never pulled punches made it even worse.

“I’m not asking twice.”

Before I could rein it in, something snapped.

“I hate this!”

I tore my arm from her grip and glared back with every fiber in my being. There was no point in holding anything back; She would just dig it out anyway. Punishment or not, I was done pretending I was okay.

“Everyday I sit on my ass and do nothing while everypony else does the hard part! I get that I’m still healing, but that doesn’t mean I’m useless! I didn’t bust my ass training with you and Flash just to get put in the background again! I can’t go back to being useless again! I won’t! I—”

Emerald magic wrapped around my snout and trapped in shut. I grabbed at my mouth, trying in vain to free it from the glow. Noble’s silent glare unnerved me as she tightened her hold. Without warning I was hoisted into the air by the same glow and carefully dropped onto my mattress. Only then did she release the spell.

I tenderly touched the sore area where she grabbed me, wincing as I did. Great, gonna have to deal with that too. Can’t she just tell me to be quiet like a normal creature?!

Any thought of complaining about it got tossed out the window when Noble crawled atop of me and pinned me to the mattress, a stern look on her face. The CMC’s comments took center stage in my head, pushing my imagination and heart rate into overdrive as her chest brushed against my stomach.

I was unable to free myself while she hovered above me, thoughts racing behind her eyes.

What is she up to now?

As quickly as the tides had changed, she collapsed, head dropping on my chest like a dead weight.

“Too tired to yell at you. Gimme a minute.”

“Um…” I gave up trying to figure out what was happening. Clearly I was not the only one having a rough day. “Are you okay?”

“Why did I think becoming queen was a good idea...?”

All the pent up frustration gave way for Noble’s plight. I was admittedly thrown off by, well, being thrown, but I learned enough about her to know the best approach was to go with the flow. “Well, somebody had to do it. Chrysalis isn’t in any shape to command anymore, and the changelings need someone like you to take charge and make them whole again.”

Noble giggled. “She would kill you if she heard that.”

I laughed with her, though mainly to quell the chilling truth behind her words. “Anywho, I’m sure it’ll get easier once things get back to normal. Doesn’t help that—”

“Pet me.”

I didn’t miss a beat. My claw gently combed through her messy mane.

“Mmm, thanks, Shortcake.”

“Sure thing. Like I was saying, it doesn’t help that we don’t know where the other broods disappeared to. Even with Elytra pinpointing hideouts, finding the few heart brood remnants was a pain.”

“It’s supposed to be a pain, Shortcake. I just need a few minutes for the world to stop asking me for orders and data. On that note, I hate royal meetings. Half of them I want to stab, and the other half I’m almost sure want to stab me.”

“Eh, most of those stuffy ponies treated Twilight like that too. As long as you smile and nod at the right time and resist the urge to throw them out the window it will all work out.”

“Hehe, such wise counsel.” She patted my belly. “Good dragon.”

I gave her head a gentle pat back. “And you’re bestest changeling.”

“That’s bestest queen, Shortcake.”

“Right. Right. My bad. Bestest queen.”

“Much better.”

Silly as this exchange was, I couldn’t stop grinning like an idiot. Decided to keep any other thoughts to myself and give her some peace of mind. When she curled up into me and hugged my waist, I knew it was the right move to make.

Time drifted as we laid there in silence. It was hard to stay mad when snuggling with a purring changeling. All I could do in the meantime was reflect on how insignificant my problems were in comparison to hers. She was a newly anointed changeling queen working tirelessly to forge a pony-changeling alliance. I was a broken up dragon fretting at having too many naptimes. No question who had the bigger problems on their plate.

Knowing I could do nothing to help only served to emphasize how useless I’ve been since getting stuck in bed. Now I had pettiness to add to that list of issues after the Malice invasion. Suffering in silence at my own inadequacy. I wonder if other soldiers felt like this after surviving that battle.

...I wonder if this is how Flash felt after Canterlot.

Noble eventually broke the silence. “Have you calmed down now?”

“I mean, I’m not angry if that answers your question.”

Noble lifted her head, narrowed eyes boring into my skull.

“I-I mean yes, I calmed down!”

“Good.” With a sleepy smile, her head dropped back down on the pillow that was me. “There are literally dozens of issues I have with what you said, but I’m gonna let it slide and just give you the skinny; not being physically productive doesn’t make you useless.”

I sighed. “I could at least use the Dragon Whisper to coordinate things, or do some menial job to—”

“No, and no. I know you too damn well. You’ll work your brain dry and never rest if we allow you to help with coordination. Even if we gave you a small task, you’ll use every second to fix all the wrong problems.”

I blinked. “What do you mean?”

“Keep petting me and I’ll talk.”

“Alright, alright.” I surrendered to her request, lightly clawing her scalp. She curled up into me, emitting a low purr with every stroke. Reminded that this was the newly appointed queen of changelings, I couldn’t help but laugh. “So, is petting the secret to getting changelings to talk?”

“Maybe. Got it from Mother.”

I stopped. “I’m sorry, what?”

Noble said nothing. Catching on, I continued petting her. “What, did you think she was bitchy twenty-four-seven?”

“You can’t be serious. You’re just messing with me again, aren’t you?”

“The world may never know, Shortcake.”

Great, now I’m curious and gonna lose sleep picturing Chrysalis purring like a kitten.

“Anyway,” Noble changed the subject with a more somber tone. “I know deep down you want what's best for everyone. You proved as much a thousand times over. Helping to rebuild Ponyville is what you want, but it’s not what you need.”

I sighed. “Yeah, yeah, I need to stop being impatient and rest.”

“Don’t put words into my mouth. The problem you need to take care of is not the town, the castle, or even the inhabitants. It’s your head.”

A certain pegasus with severe PTSD came to mind. “Whoa, hold on. I know I’m a little impatient, and maybe had one or two nightmares, but it isn’t that bad.”

I jumped a little when her hoof traveled across my stomach and towards my waist. “Is that right…?”

“W-w-what are you—”

“Shhhh, don’t try to hide it, Spike. I already saw it.”

That sultry voice of hers did awful things to my blood pressure. “Y-you did?!”

Noble moved in one smooth motion. Just like that, she slipped the invisible dagger from its sheath. She lifted her head and gave me the smuggest grin I’d ever seen.

Seriously, why do I keep falling for that?!

“It doesn’t bother me that you keep these on you, unlike a certain princess who shall remain nameless.” Her playful grin dropped into a deadpan glare. “But I don’t appreciate you reaching for your steel just because Elly spooked you. I trained you better than that.”

Recalling the bitter dread I felt when both the CMC and soon after Elytra caught me off guard, ice cold guilt seized me. “I’m sorry. I just… I… I’m sorry. I don’t know how to explain it...”

“It’s simple: part of you is still back there, on that nightmarish battlefield. To be honest, I’m amazed you’re not a quivering mess hiding in a dark corner right now. Nopony will question how brave you’ve been to come out as strong as you did.” A pause. “...perhaps a little too strong.”

“I don’t see staying crippled in bed while everypony else does the hard part is anything but weak.”

“Seeing it that way is what’s making you weak, Spike. A healthy body is useless without a healthy mind. If you’re strong mentally first and foremost, the rest will follow. Focus on the battle in your head before worrying about what anypony else is thinking. Part of being strong is knowing what battles to fight and when to let others shoulder your burden. You and Flash taught me that all too well.”

I couldn’t find an argument for that point. Problem was, it didn’t make me feel one bit less miserable. Thinking about Flash only forced more worries to surface again.

Learning about Malice’s broken seal had already led to countless arguments. It took a lot of teeth pulling to convince everypony to let Twilight keep him in the castle. I know Flash will come back to us, but not knowing what’s really going on with that warmaster is the worst kind of terrifying.

Great. Now I was depressed again.

“Remind me to give Flash a piece of my mind when he comes back to us.”

Noble smiled warmly. “You and me both. Colt Wonder has a bad habit of making us worry about him. Maybe I should stab him for a change.”

I nearly choked on my laughter. “You would never hear the end of it, and Celestia help us if Twilight catches you poking him with those knives.”

Noble’s giggle rang in my ear like a symphony. “Right. Even Mother would wring my neck. You have no idea how much it ate her up when Flash took that blade for her. She’ll give you a run for your bits on who’s the bigger Flash fan.”

“Yeah, that still weirds me out. Hope she doesn’t try to adopt him or something.”

“Nah, I talked her out of it.”

My jaw nearly dropped. “Wut?”

“Kidding! Just kidding!” Though she tried to laugh it off, I seriously wondered if there was any truth to that. “Anyway, so back to stabbing Flash…”

“Oh boy, here we go,” I rolled my eyes.

“Considering how much he melted Mother’s heart and gave us changelings hope for actual peace and a future… no more than six pokes.”

I facepalmed, unable to keep myself from grinning. “Noble…”

“Fine, fine… three pokes. I’m reasonable.”

“I can’t even with you.”

“Two? C’mon, work with me here. A girl’s gotta stab when she gotta stab.”

I couldn’t take it and burst out laughing. Noble joined me, sharing the absurdly warm sentiment of stabbing for friendship. Twilight would faint if she caught wind of any of this, and that made me laugh even harder. Eventually we settled down, delving into our own thoughts while snuggling ensued.

On a more serious note, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared for him. Warlords were terrifying enough as it is. For Flash, he had something even scarier running rampant in his mind. But this was Flash we’re talking about! The guy fought his way through a warzone to take down the original Malice, all the while making sure the warmaster couldn’t break his spirit. No way he was going to let the monster in his head… beat him...

Aw, crap.

Flash’s pathos incident was still fresh on my mind. Carving through changelings. Fighting my friends. The look on his face as he ‘died’ by my hand. That haunted me just as much as those damn warlords.

If I didn’t beat this thing in my head, would I end up like that? No. I can’t put anypony through that. I would rather die than put them through a nightmare like that.

Then again… this was probably what Flash had told himself as well. That he’d rather die than injure Twi—

“If you think any harder, Twilight’s gonna get jealous. Stick to your happy place.”

I exhaled in frustration. She caught me again.

“Okay,” I finally said. “Don’t know where to even start or really understand what’s happening to me, but I get it. I’ll focus on getting my head straight while resting.”

Noble turned so her chin rested on my chest, gifting me an adorable sleepy smile. “Good. Don’t worry about how to get there…”

Grabbing the bed covers, she threw it over herself. Confused dawn on me until she crawled upward until her head was just above mine, sending my heart rate soaring.

“I’ll be with you every step of the way, Spike.” She pecked the tip of my snout. “And I mean every step.”

“I… um... I-I…” The most primal of urges dared me to cross that gap and seal the deal. I mean, that had to be a signal, right? Or was she just teasing me again?

My claws flexed, greedy for the changeling daring me with her eyes. I was so dizzy from the sheer tension I was shocked I hadn’t already fainted.

“Is something on your mind, Spike?” From the way she smirked, she knew exactly what she was doing to me. Her hoof fell on my chest. “Cat got your tongue?”

Not before I get yours.

The thought alone spooked me. Wisps of smoke escaped my lungs with every shaky breath. She’s just teasing me again, right? Trying to get me riled up or mess with me for a reaction. Bet she’s having a blast in her head watching me squirm.

...Screw it!

I grasped her barrel and—

“Are you done teasing him, Mother?”

—and would have screamed had Noble not covered my mouth with her magic.

Elytra rested on her forelegs on the edge of my window, throwing the dirtiest of glares at us. No amount of disappointment could beat how it felt to have Noble roll off me, lying on her back next to me. “Don’t be a buzzkill, Elly. I was just getting to the good part.”

You were?!

Whatever Elytra sensed made her cast me a pitying glance. “Nothing was gonna happen, by the way. Not until you healed, at least.”

“Ugh! Spoilers, Elly!”

My eyes bounced back and forth between mother and daughter, growing wider as the implications sunk in. “Hold on. When you say ‘not until I healed’...”

Noble ignored me and glared up at her daughter. “Shortcake and I were having a moment before you showed up, you know. Either have a good reason or join us for a threesome.”

Okay, now I KNOW she’s just messing with me.

...Then again, Elly’s aggressive side is kinda hot—

“Don’t even think about it.” Elytra’s glare destroyed any ideas threatening to surface. “Mother’s debauchery aside, making tonight’s lesson a joint session isn’t a bad idea. Since you’ve decided to start tackling combat trauma, we can start with meditation today to strengthen your mind. I’m sure Mother could also use the mental break as well.

“How did you—Oh. Right.” Can’t forget how inseparable these two are when it comes to information. Exactly how long have they been waiting for me to take that step forward? “I don’t mind. Is that okay with you, Noble?”

A groan leapt out of Noble. “I’ll probably just take a nap while you two do your thing. Need to meet up with Twilight and her buddies for some boring ass meeting in about two hours. I also promised Mayor Mare I would help get some other stuff sorted for the townsfolk…”

Elly and I exchanged a knowing look. With a single nod, Elytra gave me permission to use my secret weapon.

Turning on my side, I took her hoof into my claws. “Please join us, my queen.”

Noble looked away. The edges of her lips twitched. “That’s not fair…”

Just a little more. “It will be worth it. Please? For me, oh mighty and beautiful queen?”

When Noble finally cracked a smile, I knew we won. Elly covered the laugh that nearly slipped out with her hoof.

“That’s going to stop working eventually, Spike. Don’t get used to it.” With a playful poke at my chest, she rolled over me and onto the floor. “Baka,” she whispered midroll before quickly pecking my cheek. Almost like magic, all of my stress melted away.

Elytra dropped down from the window, rolling her eyes as she took her spot on the floor. “We’ll meditate for a half hour, then review what I introduced to the recruits for the rest of the hour. We can open the floor for other topics from there.”

“Only an hour of scheduled activities for our favorite dragon?” Noble sniffed, wiping away an invisible tear. “My little girl is all grown up.”

“Must you always sass me?”

“As your mother and Queen, it is my duty to lovingly criticize you every step of the way.”

Noble’s cheeky smirk only served to intensify Ellys’ twitchy glare. “I’ll remember that when I teach him and your three little spies all about our queen’s poor taste and habits.”

“You cheeky little bug!”

Three little spies. Easy guess who that’s referring to. “Speaking of the crusaders, did you seriously take on the cutie mark crusaders as students?”

Noble shrugged. “I did owe them for saving my life. Besides, as a member of the crusaders, it’s only fair that I do my part to nurture their growth and—”

“Mother found them cute and decided to include them in her spy network.”

Noble deflated at Elytra's summary, pouting in her direction. “Boo. My version’s better.”

“You gotta be kidding me…” I pinched the bridge of my nose. The last thing those girls needed was my training. “That’s a really bad idea. Those girls usually cause enough trouble as it is. Most of it unintentional, I’ll give them that, but teaching them how to use a dagger might be adding oil into the fire...”

With a gasp, Noble drew back in dramatic shock. “Shortcake, I am appalled at your opinion of me! I wouldn’t dare teach them any violent tactics or weapons training! I mean, sure, some martial arts and infiltration skills, but it wouldn’t hurt for them to know how to defend themselves!”

Cutie mark crusaders. Infiltration. Two things that should never coexist in the same continent, let alone sentence.

“Alright, enough worrying about my spy network and teaching them some new tricks. Besides, I did the same with you, and look at how you turned out.”

I threw a look at Noble. After a moment, she frowned.

“You know what I meant, Shortcake.”

“Yeah, I know.” With a sigh, I resigned from arguing the point. Highly doubt she would budge no matter how much I objected. “As long as they don’t have to fight, I guess it will all work out. I hope.”

“That’s the spirit!” Noble patted my head. “Now then, as my second favorite student, please lead us off.”

“You got it.”

Noble and Elytra straightened their posture and closed their eyes. I followed suit, taking deep, slow breaths while emptying my mind.

After everything we’ve been through together, it was more than a little frustrating to know it was a prelude to a much longer battle ahead of us. Inner battles and injuries aside, I know I squeaked by on a series of lucky streaks. That wasn’t going to last forever, and once I recovered physically and mentally, I would need to do everything in my power to make sure we survive together.

For now, that didn’t matter.

With every breath I exhaled, a bundle of stress and unanswered questions rolled off my shoulders. All that mattered at the moment was focusing on the now. On who we saved and what we accomplished. Thanks to Flash, Noble, and everyone else who pitched it, we survived against impossible odds and uncovered Malice’s scheme before it was too late. The fight wasn’t over, but we proved what we could accomplish through our teamwork.

We proved that without fear, we can accomplish the impossible.

With that final thought tucked away in my heart, my mind clear of all distractions, I recited the shadow’s code.

I am the guile mind. Knowledge is my weapon.
I am the strong body. Health is my core.
I am the brave soul. Courage is my shield.
I am the noble heart. Love is my life.
We are legion. We are victory. We are shadow.