I was born to kill. Shaped by hatred and darkness, I was the mare of the nights; Nightmare Moon. I had but one royal duty; to destroy the Princess of the Sun. With her fall I would become the ultimate ruler of Equestria. Ponies would tremble. The night would last forever. I would usher in an era of darkness and evil.
But why? My head is eternally clouded by wickedness. But even my dark mind could tell this was not right. Yet you goad me on. You laugh as I relentlessly barrage civilizations, rotting the lands of life. What purpose am I? Why did I have the misfortune of being your plaything? Why did you decide to give me life, only to have me act the part of a monster?
I never wanted this hate. Coursing through my blackened veins was jealousy and hatred. I did not want bloodshed, nor strife. I see my… I see your people cry and scream in fear. Did you think I wanted this? That I decided from my birth I wanted my very existence to be a curse to others? That I wanted to be smattered with blood, hanging alone above the rest of the world in the cold night sky? I didn't ask for this.
My morality wanes more and more. Now and then, when you tire, I imagine how my life could have been different. What kind of pony would I have been? I doubt there’s an answer; truly, I’m nothing more than a selective reconfiguration of you. I know nothing of the process of life. I was born, then I was a dark god. I’ve never experienced childhood or love. Unless you count the many children and lovers I witness before I slaughter them. But if I could ever be separated from this cursed destiny you’ve given me… I would fight you with my life.
I’ve realized something. How could it be possible for me to hate you? How could it be that you’ve constructed me into your perfect warhorse, yet I can disagree with your every action? It must be that… you once would have as well. You once would have found me atrocious. Found my actions horrendous. You once would have fought me with all your will. It makes me despise you even more.
I have no control over my own fate. I'm nothing but a marionette, forced to act the same part over and over again. I hate it. I loathe it. To know my desires were never my own. And truly, not even my disgust is my own...
I never asked for this. I didn't ask to be born with such overwhelming hate. I didn't ask to be filled with a desire to destroy.
I've tried to suppress you, but I cannot. I'm too weak to fight against you or the desires you wrote upon me, and I only lose control faster when I resist. The hatred is too strong. Eventually I'll be nothing but a monster. A blind, seething beast incapable of anything remotely moral. In truth, that is my destiny, whether I’m rid of you or not. Your hatred fuels the dark magic I am made of. Perhaps I would wither away without you, or perhaps I would lose my sentience and become a monster anyway.
To be born of hatred and dark magic, and to be controlled by a mad immortal Alicorn… it is utter agony.
I didn't ask to be the plaything of immortals. I had no qualms with the ponies of Equestria. Nor with the sun. Or that Princess…
That Princess…
It was her face—that cursed face of hers. I looked in her face, and it was like an old scourge returning to haunt me. Like something dark and despicable being dragged from the dark bowels of the earth and being forced into the sunlight. Your hatred was inexplicable, flooding my mind and drowning me. You wrest control from me until you have beaten her once more and I awake to find death surrounding me, a feeling of wrongness emanating from my very being.
It was the same with the sun. Just thinking about it made me grind my teeth. Day… I despised it for everything it represented, but I know not why.
The desire to see her face contorting with pain, the desire to see life's light burn out—it continues to eat at me. I once tried to convince myself it was you, forcing yourself upon me. But I have long accepted it as a part of me. Because I was nothing but a shadow of you.
I have to wonder if the Princess would have wanted another way for us three. But it doesn't matter. They loved you with all their heart, but they hate me as much as I hate them, and there is no escape for any of us.
I despise this wretched world. Forcing me to play your petty games. I will grind her into the dust. My anger will raze the lands of all who lived with freedom in their souls and hope in their hearts. Curse them for wasting what I could never have. My hatred only fuels my strength, and I hate you ever more for it. I will burn away this world by my own hoof!
…I was fooling myself. Poisoning myself with thoughts of the impossible. There is no redemption for me. I would never be free from you even if I could rip you out and tear you apart limb from limb as you cried for mercy. I did not ask for this, and now I know there is no escape. There is nothing but never-ending hatred for me.
I can feel it. Something is calling. Your hatred spikes, and I believe my suspicions confirmed. You wrest away control from me for what I believe will be the last time, and in those last moments of consciousness I can see the Princess fly towards us, six gems in her grasp, calling out against me.
With my last shred of power, I curse you, Luna.
Author's Note
Just some basic angst stuff, hadn't written in a while...
