Your Friendly Neighborhood Changeling

Sweet Celestia, what happened last night? My body is aching all over, and there's a sharp pain in my right hoof. Wait, is that a leaf? Am I in a bush? Oh Celestia damn it, what did I do to get thrown into a bush? Did I break into something again? Must have been drinking cider again. Wait... I don't remember that hole being there.

"AAAAAHH!!!" Great. I can still speak... probably. Either that, or it's just incoherent screaming. Possibly the latter. I most likely attracted attention. I'm right, I'm hearing sounds of clopping and grass being ruffled. Just gotta get out of this bush. Alright. Three... two... one... SWEET CELESTIA THIS HURTS! I need to get back home. I can scream later.

Alright. We're in motion now. "Who's there?" Crap. They're almost here. Run! "Hey, you there! Stop!" They've found me! Crap! RUN FASTER! "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" Seems I CAN speak. That's great... I think. The sounds of their clopping are slowly fading away. Is that what I think I hear? No more clopping? This is amazing! I've escaped! And just in time, too! It's... morning? Seems like it wasn't too long ago. Were those ponies trying to kill me?

I've been thinking so much that I've arrived in front of my cottage without even noticing. I don't even know if other ponies have seen me walk here. Huh... better go inside and- WHOA. MY COTTAGE IS TRASHED! Man, what did I DO earlier? DO I want to know? Man, I gotta clean the cottage and everything! I think I need a nap. Probably. I hope the door isn't stuck by some bed sheets or something. Swing doors are the best doors, but put something in front of it and- WHAT. IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING PONY SLEEPING ON MY BED? YEA, SCREW THAT! Just close the door gently, and... yeah.... guess I'm sleeping on the couch. I hate how the couch always makes a creaking noise when I hop on... it's so annoying. Alright brain, I'm going to sleep now. DON'T think. Crusader Flakes are a part of your balanced- CELESTIA DAMNIT.