Project R.U.M.P.

by Catsofwar108

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Random, Main 6
Length: 1305

Twilight gets fed up with puns.

It was a beautiful fall day! Nothing could ruin it!

Except for maybe Twilight's friends and their puns.

Published 2016-02-25 04:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-25 04:20:01 UTC

PUNS!

Knock knock knock

Twilight Sparkle sipped at her morning tea, a delightful blend of white tangerine and vanilla oolong. The day started out beautifully. The sky had literally no clouds, and the sun was hot, but not unpleasantly so. A cool breeze set it off. Twilight supposed she had to thank Rainbow Dash for the wonderful day. She tutted, laughing into her cup that was suspended by her aura. One word about how nice the day is, and Rainbow would not leave her alone about it for at least the next three weeks.

Knock knock knock

The pounding at the door came again, this time slightly more urgently. A voice said something, and another voice responded. Twilight’s eyes widened when she realized who it was. “Wait! I’ll get the door, just hold o-”

A blur shot through her window and crashed into Twilight. Pinkie followed, gracefully diving through the window. Rainbow Dash looked at an unamused Twilight. “Hi, Spy Twi!”

“Spy Twi?”

“Oh, yeah.” Rainbow rubbed the back of her head. “I thought because of when we first met I accused you of being a spy, and since Twi rhymed with spy…” Pinkie nudged Rainbow. “What is it, Pinks? Oh. Oh! Right.” She did an epic backflip off of Twilight. “We were wondering if you have any books on pony anatomy.”

Twilight blinked. “I must have heard you wrong. Somehow I got pony anatomy from Daring Do.”

“Nope!” Pinkie popped up next to Twilight and put a hoof around her neck. “We seriously need some books on pony anatomy!”

Twilight headed over to the bookshelves. “Why, if I might ask?”

“B-because, uh, we want to make an anatomically correct skeleton for this year’s Nightmare Night.” Rainbow tried not to splutter any more when Twilight raised an eyebrow.

“Really?” Twilight squinted at the pair, who seemed to be sweating quite a bit for such a nice day.

“Yup!” Pinkie’s eyes quickly darted to the left and right respectively.

“That… is... great news!” Pushing books around, Twilight grinned happily. “Do you know how many skeletons are anatomically incorrect? A few years ago, I remember there was a skeleton with a floating head and a suit. That was just plain wrong. Last year there was something that went around about skeleton brothers.” She frowned. “That was a weird year. Anyway!” She gave some books to Pinkie and Rainbow. “Here you go, girls! Enough books to get you thoroughly covered on the subject.”

Pinkie smirked. “Well that’s tibia determined.”

Twilight blinked again. “Oh hardy har har, Pinkie.”

“I know, it’s pretty humerous.”

“It tickles my funny bone!”

Twilight forced out some chuckles. “Oookay girls, that’s enough.”

“What? You can’t take our skele-ton of puns?” Rainbow snarked back.

Twilight grinned impishly. “No, I just have such better jokes that yours lose meaning on mine.” She said with pride.

Rainbow leaned back, her pride obviously wounded. “Oh really? Then show us, oh great joke master.”

“You know, I would tell you a chemistry joke,” Twilight paused for dramatic effect. “But I wouldn’t get a reaction.” She giggled to herself, until she realized that nobody else in the library was laughing.

Suddenly Spike spoke up from the stairs. “I think she’s just skull-king because she can’t tell good jokes.” That elicited a laugh from both Pinkie and Rainbow and more pouting from Twilight.

“Did you guys seriously just come in here asking for skeleton books so that you could feed me terrible skeleton puns?” Twilight began, eye twitching.

“Nope!” Pinkie said. “We just wanted to put a little more backbone into ours!”

“I’m done.” Twilight stomped out of her house, the sound of howling laughter behind her. Suddenly the day didn’t seem so perfect anymore.

“Augh!” Applejack yelled in surprise as an familiar, frustrated, and very irate unicorn appeared before her in a flash of purple.

Twilight had a manic glint in her eyes, and her mane was getting slightly disheveled. “Applejack.” She leaned in, very close to Applejack’s face. “I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.”

“Alright…”

“It’s impossible to put down.”

Applejack stared, feeling a little afraid. Twilight was being slightly… crazy. Nothing a few good puns wouldn’t solve! “Sugarcube, it sounds like yer jus’ farmin’ for jokes now.”

“Applejack…” Twilight inched forward. They were almost nose to nose. “That wasn’t a pun. About farming. Because we’re on a farm. Was it?”

“Oh shoot.” AJ looked straight back at Twilight, now knowing what the reason was for sending the unicorn off the dock. “Twi, Ah’m sorry. RD and Pinkie told me about punnin’ and when Ah heard about, I couldn’t stop! I jus’ kept plowin’ ahead.”

Twilight’s horn light up, and she screamed a scream that could only come from pun-overdose and teleported away.

Applejack stared ahead. “Whut in tarnation jus’ happened?”

A loud zap of teleporting pony echoed through the Carousel Boutique. Rarity calmly sipped her tea, knowing that Twilight would come to her. “Rarity!” Sure enough, there was the yell.

“Yes, darling?” Rarity replied.

“I was going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind!” Twilight yelled from the back-room.

“Twilight, darling, no need to dress-up your jokes.”

An unearthly shriek permeated the air, as well as the zap of a teleporting pony. Rarity continued sipping her tea, unhindered.

ZAP

“Mr. Squirrel was going to tell me a joke about birds, but I said, “Toucan play at that!”

ZAP

Five ponies and a dragon sat outside the Golden Oaks Library, staring worriedly into the windows. “Any ideas why she called an emergency meetin’?” Applejack asked. Various ways of saying ‘no’ filled the air. “Spike, are ya sure?”

“Well,” He began. “She said something about a projec-”

The door to the library shot off its hinges and flew a few yards before planting itself in the road. “Everyone, inside!” By the tone of Twilight’s voice, this was certainly not a request. Once the six had filed inside, their jaws hit the floor. Diagrams covered the walls, and a small presentation was set up in the middle. “Okay, girls and dragon!” Twilight appeared again, a crazy grin on her face. “We’re going to set up a system, so I won’t have to listen to your puns all the time!”

Pinkie and Rainbow Dash shot each other a look that basically said ‘We went way too far, didn’t we?’

“This system is called Project Resist the Urge to Make a Pun.” Twilight flipped the paper on the board, revealing a sign that the words ‘Project R.esist the U.rge to M.ake a P.un’. “No-”

Pinkie burst out laughing, tears streaming down her face. “Pinkie!” Twilight snapped. “What is so funny!?”

“S-sorry, Twi, but it says… it… it says…” Pinkie could not get her words out, laughing too hard to say anything properly.

“What! What does it say!” Twi practically roared.

“It says RUMP!” Pinkie managed to force out, before crumpling on the floor and cackling madly again. Slowly the others began to see it, and they too began to fall over as if by a spell and began laughing.

Twilight stared at the group of her laughing friends, then back at the board, then back at her friends, then back at the board. Rainbow Dash managed to break through her laughter. “I-I guess you could say our puns really…”

“Don’t.” Twilight warned.

“RUMP-led you, huh?”

Twilight sat with her face pressed very firmly against the bar. “Get me your strongest drink.” She mumbled.

The barkeep took one look at the menu, and his eyes bugged out. Slowly, very slowly, he handed it over to Twilight.

‘Bar-ly Enough’

THE END

Author's Note

This is what happens when I'm bored.

I'm not sorry.

EDIT: So I changed Fluttershy's pun, because not many people were getting it. Hope this makes it a bit easier!:yay: