Chicken and the Egg

by Jinzou

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Tragedy, Alternate Universe
Length: 3337

What happens when you introduce a junior daredevil to the heir of a chaos god? Slapstick, a scooter training course that looks like straight out of mythology, and heaps of non-nonsensical fun.

Discord is a god of chaos. His power can overturn villages and send the Elements of Harmony packing. What if he had a daughter brimming with untrained chaos magic? And what if such a creature met the CMC?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-07-05 16:15:50 UTC

The Beginning of the End

They say great things come in small packages. It seems that one special little filly is about to find out how true that can be.

We begin our story in a lush clearing outside a thick wood. A gentle breeze shakes the leaves, and the ambience of birdsong and squirrels quietly chittering set a calm tone. The afternoon sunlight dappled across the clearing, illuminating an odd scene. A yellow pegasus looking up at a slumped creature, a damnable amalgamation of various animals, looking anywhere so to avoid eye contact with the smaller creature.

“I’m afraid I can’t make our picnic tomorrow, Fluttershy. I have some rather pressing matters to take care of at home. I do apologize.”

The yellow pegasus raised a hoof to the draconequus. “Is something the matter, Discord?”

The creature paused for a moment before proceeding cautiously. “It’s… a family matter.” Upon seeing the curious look on the pony’s face he decided to interject, barring all possible questions. “I do apologize, but I really must be on my way. Good day, dear Fluttershy.” And with that, he disappeared with a flash of light.

The yellow pegasus stared in arrant confusion at the spot the creature just stood.

“Discord has a family?”

“Discord. Wake up, Discord. Discord. DISCORD!”

“Buh-huh?” Discord uttered, snapping out of his tired trance. “Wha-how did I get here? Oh, the picnic, right.”

“Discord” Fluttershy started tentatively “You look like you haven’t slept in days. Are you alright?”

Discord rubbed his eyes “Well, I haven’t, but that’s neither here nor there. What were you saying just a moment ago?”

Fluttershy blinked slowly, trying to put her mind at ease. “Yes, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Applejack are all off on a quest the map gave them, so I volunteered to watch over Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom. They’re nice little fillies, but I thought I should run it by you that they’ll be along for our picnic. Is that alright with you?”

“School age, white unicorn with two-toned curls, orange pegasus with a purple mane, and yellow earth pony with a red mane respectively?” Discord asked distractedly.

Fluttershy blinked confusedly. “Yes, how did you know?”

“My dear, I feed off disharmony, and they were just what I needed to break out of my stone imprisonment in the first place.” Discord paused, and added “I probably shouldn’t have just said that, should I?”

Fluttershy was left speechless, so elected to change the topic. “Discord, last time I saw you, you were mentioning family issues… is that why you’re in this state right now?”

Discord looked around awkwardly, and was about to open his mouth to explain when three voices chimed in as the CMC burst around Fluttershy’s cottage and into view.

“HI FLUTTERSHY!”

A moment later an amused looking rainbow pegasus walked into view too, giving a sheepish smile to Fluttershy.

“Well Fluttershy, here they are. Good luck with these heaps of trouble. I would love to stay, but I have to go help Rarity move enough ‘necessary accessories’ to clothe a small nation.”

“Bye Rainbow Dash!”  blurted out the excitable orange filly, using her wings to hover a few inches off the ground.

“See you later sis” Rainbow Dash winked before flying off. The little orange pegasus beamed at the last word, and turned in stereo with her friends to face Fluttershy expectantly.

The rest of the day passed without much activity. Discord’s sleepiness caused him to accidentally use his chaos magic on nearby creatures, and Fluttershy woke him up while the CMC tried to be “Cutie Mark Crusaders: Exorcists”.

After one time where Discord’s magic transformed innocent fowl into ducks who looked like they frequently abused steroids, which then  started dive bombing the fillies, Fluttershy couldn’t take it anymore. She prepared her secret weapon. The secret weapon that could fell armies of blood sucking enemies, that could make a great monster turn tail and go running away in tears, that could accidentally turn herself into a bat and scare the pony bejeezus out of everyone.

She tried to use The Stare on Discord.

Of course it didn’t work, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

“Discord. Your lack of sleep is putting my animal friends in danger. I know that you don’t want to discuss whatever these family issues are that are keeping you from rest, but as your friend I insist you tell me. I care, and I want to help. I’m also not taking no as an answer.”

Discord sighed, then snapped his fingers, teleporting him, Fluttershy, and the CMC to his house.

“What you see here doesn’t leave here. I don’t want Celestia hearing a word about this.” Discord snapped, before throwing the door open.

To the ponies’ great surprise, they didn’t find some great beast inside. There was no other draconequi, no frightening beasts, no haunted tea parties.

There was one creature inside.

A young purple filly.

And she looked like she was barely clinging to life.

“Well Discord, I’m no doctor, but I’ve heard of this. Or at least, what I think this is. This looks like scarlet fever. We need to get this filly to the hospital. I’m sure Nurse Redhear-“

“No.” Discord said pointedly.

“What? What do you mean no? This filly is seriously sick! We can’t just leave her like this.”

“Fluttershy, I’d love to get her treated, believe me. But hospitals ask questions, and if anybody sees her, and connects her to me, word spreads. If word spreads to Celestia, then I’m encased in stone again, and illness will be the least of the concerns for…” Discord trailed off.

As Fluttershy looked back over at the filly worryingly, something clicked for the young pegasus watching the scene from farther back.

“Hold on.” Scootaloo started. “Fluttershy said your problem was a family issue. If the issue is this filly, then does that mean-“

Silence.

Discord turned to look at Scootaloo, seemingly forget that he brought the CMC with him.

“Oh well, I suppose introductions are in order.” Discord said begrudgingly. “Fluttershy, girls, this is Screwball… my daughter.”

Girls will be Girls

Applebloom nervously looked at Discord and Fluttershy and Discord whispering to each other in the corner and turned to her friends.

“Have any of y’all heard of this scarlet fever thing?”

Scootaloo shrugged. Sweetie Belle bit her lip.

“I think they said something about it in class. A tribe of Griffons got it and was wiped out, but it wasn’t widely spread because Griffons live in small packs spread all over Equestria.”

Applebloom gulped and went wide eyed. “So, that means it’s something that can be passed from pony to pony?”

The sick filly coughed, and Applebloom and Sweetie Belle pressed themselves in a corner in the opposite end of the room. Scootaloo didn’t move, but instead looked at the sick filly, more curious than scared. Why would she be suffering in this world full of magic? Surely a unicorn could just poof the sickness away? What about Discord? He had all sorts of magic tricks, shouldn’t one be a cure-all? On that thought, she walked over to Fluttershy and Discord to find out.

“Um, Mr. Discord, can’t you just magic her better?”

Discord’s hard expression met her gaze.

“Young filly, do you know nothing about magic? If one wasn’t heavily trained in magic, they could mess up an important part of her while trying to fix her. And that’s not even considering her magical energy. Regular magic would be useless.”

Fluttershy injected. “Discord, she’s a filly, the school doesn’t start teaching about magic’s medical use on the body for at least a year.”

Fluttershy turned to Scootaloo. “Like Discord said, even if Screwball had regular magic, experimenting on the body with magic is a very hard practice and… hasn’t always improved some ponies’ condition.”

Discord interrupted “It’s filled more graves than check-out sheets.”

Fluttershy shot him a stern look. “Discord, she’s a filly, she doesn’t need to be told that!”

Scootaloo paused for a moment to take that in. Just then another question popped into her head.

“Fluttershy, you said she had magic, but she’s an earth pony. Only Unicorns have magic.”

Discord elected to answer her question instead.

“Do you see a horn on me, filly? I’m made of the parts of spare animals and I might even have more magical power than your friend Princess Twilight. She’s my daughter, so yes, she inherited my chaos magic. But given how my kind of magic isn’t made for precision, the only kind of magic left is dark magic, but that’s closely guarded by ‘Equestia’s beloved princess’.”

“Discord” Fluttershy comforted. “That kind of magic is as dangerous as chaos magic is unpredictable. It wouldn’t be safe. We’ll just have to do our best to help this sweet filly.”

“And how would we do that, Fluttershy? I’ve taken every medical book I could find from Canterlot’s library. None give an answer. And I can’t leave her unwatched for too long. What if she gets worse? And if I hire a babysitter, I can’t assume they won’t go to  Princess Celestia or Princess Twilight, who would certainly go to Princess Celestia.”

Scootaloo bit her lip and looked over in Screwball’s direction, noticing she had managed to open one eye, and was watching the conversation with a glazed expression. She didn’t know what caused her to, but she started walking over to the sick filly, not quite knowing what to do when she got there.

Discord noticed this, and started floating, rage visibly spreading, looking like he was about to curse Scootaloo for even daring to look at his daughter. Seeing this, he was quickly intercepted by Fluttershy, who placed a hoof on his shoulder and shushed him, waiting to see what Scootaloo would do.

Scootaloo put her hoof on the couch Screwball was resting on. She looked so sad, so troubled. Did she know what kind of state she was in? How sick she was? That she might never recover from the disability life gave her? The poor filly.

Scootaloo paused, then turned to look Discord straight in the eye.

“You need somepony to watch over her while you’re gone? You found your pony.”

Leaving Bridges Unburned

"...You?" Discord stared in disbelief.

"Me." Scootaloo repeated.

"Why would I choose you?" Discord spat.

Scootaloo took a deep breath and gave her best brave face.

"Because I want to."

Discord opened his mouth to interject, but Scootaloo cut him off.

"If I ever get into more I can handle, I can come to Fluttershy or you, if you're around."

Discord stared hard at the filly for a minute, then his expression softened. He turned to the pegasus at his side.

"What say you, Fluttershy?"

Fluttershy bit her lip.

"U-uh, Scootaloo are you sure-"

"Yes" Scootaloo interrupted.

"B-but, there's always the risk of you getting sick too, an-"

"I'm sure, Fluttershy."

Fluttershy paused. "We... I can't just... We'd have to check with your parents, and..."

It was Scootaloo's turn to pause awkwardly. "You'd have to ask Dash."

It was Sweetie Belle's turn to speak now.

"Scoots, why not your parents?"

Scootaloo sighed and looked down.

"My dad is a hospital for... severely disabled veterans... and mom... Well, there were some problems during my birth and... she didn't make it. That's also why I have so many problems with... you know." She pointed to her wings and did a slow flap.

"So Rainbow Dash has been taking care of me until we can get dad to recognize me."

There was another long silence.

Finally Fluttershy broke the awkwardness by pulling Scootaloo into a one armed hug.

"I'm so sorry. But if you're insistant, we can see what we can do about asking Rainbow Dash when she gets back."

Scootaloo gave her a small smile.

"Are you crazy?! Absolutely not! I don't want Scoots anywhere near that filly. Find somebody else!" Rainbow Dash spat, protectively standing between Scootaloo and Futtershy. She quickly turned to her surrogate sister. "What are you thinking? You can't do this. Why would you want to do this? What would Silver Wind say?"

Scootaloo started at Rainbow Dash unblinkingly. "I dunno, I'd ask dad, but he keeps thinking I'm the enemy every time I visit and tries attacking me."

Rainbow Dash tried to stammer out a rebuttal, but Scootaloo continued.

"Maybe I want to make the light of a dark situation. Maybe I want to help a sad filly get through a big issue like I never could myself. And maybe I'm just trying to help Equestria like my big sister and hero. The same one now telling me to ignore a dangerously sick filly because I might get a little sick myself."

Rainbow Dash stamped a hoof on the ground, trying discreetly to wipe a tear away. "Then I'll join you."

Scootaloo sat down in front of Rainbow.

"Rainbow Dash, you have the table summoning you to save Equestia. You also have your job, and your friends and your training to be a

Wonderbolt. And don't start saying any of that isn't important and can be left behind."

"B-but sometimes. I don't want you to be all alone through this. Or you three, I guess." Rainbow sniffed, gesturing to the other members of the CMC.

"They... aren't coming. You know Rarity and Applejack. They said no before we were fully asked."

Rainbow Dash plopped to the ground and pulled Scootaloo into a hug.

"Be careful, okay?"

Scootaloo gave out a little laugh. "Pinkie Promise."

Rainbow Dash stood up, and Scootaloo turned to Apple Bloom and Sweetie Bloom.

"If you guys ever could meet up, we might all be able to hang out. That's if you aren't scared of a little filly."

Sweetie Belle looked down in shame and Apple Bloom nodded mutely.

And with that, Scootaloo took a deep breath and trodded over to Discord.

"I'm ready."

And with a snap, the two creatures dissapeared.

Introductions

"A foalsitter?" Screwball croaked "She's not even much older than me, and I-" She was interrupted by a coughing fit. Her voice was weak and hoarse. She closed her eyes with a pained expression and buried her face in the pillow.

Discord snapped his fingers and summoned a wet rag, which he placed carefully over his daughter's forehead. He turned to Scootaloo.

"Wet rags and soups in the kitchen, which is the door the to right. Bathroom is through that. If you ever have an emergency or need anything, press the big red button on the fridge and I'll know. As far as we know, we need to treat this like a really bad fever. Nothing too solid, and we need more bland foods than not, she throws them up if they're not.-"

Scootaloo started blankly at Discord. This was the untamed spirit of chaos? He sounded like her own father, back when he didn't have rapidly declining mental health, that was. Seeing him fret over the small creature dying on the sofa was rather disarming.

"I understand. I'll do my best." Scootaloo saluted.

"You'd better." Discord snarled. "Remember whose the god here, filly." And with that, he dissapeared.

"No pressure." Scootaloo sighed. "I'll just have the fury of the creature who took over Equestria focused on me if I'm not a miracle worker."

Scootaloo fell to the ground. "Yeah, piece of cake. I never should have volunteered, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle had it right."

Scootaloo felt something pass through her mane and sat up. She turned around to find Screwball trying to reassure her.

"D-don't worry." Screwball rasped. "He knows I don't stand a chance. He's just in denial. H-he won't take it out on you."

So young, and already so forlorn. It truly was a sad sight. This little filly seemed unshaken by the fact that she knew she was gonna die.

So pathetic.

Scootaloo would not stand for it.

"You do stand a chance. I will help you heal. You will be healthy again!"

Screwball gave a broken sigh. "Great, daddy got a delusional foalsitter."

"Sorry kid, no returns." Joked Scootaloo.

"Hah, right into the m-mud?"

"Yeah, it was great. A pig even surfaced next to Silver Spoon before Diamond Tiara did. I thought it was fitting."

Screwball let out a shaky laugh.

"And all that because your friend threatened to tell on their mothers?"

"Yeah!"

Screwball paused.

"Must be nice to have a mother, despite that."

Scootaloo raised an eyebrow at the little filly.

"Wouldn't know."

Screwball met Scootaloo's eyes and unsuccessfully tried suppressing a half smile. A moment later she shook her head and turned away.

"Well that sucks. W-who needs mothers anyways?"

Scootaloo brought a hoof up to her chin thoughtfully.

"I'd say... all of ponykind. It'd be kinda hard to continue our species without mares willing to be mothers."

Screwball looked up quizzically at Scootaloo. "Whatdya m-mean?"

Scootaloo froze.

"Has Discord not... given you the talk?"

Screwball blinked in response.

"What talk?"

Scootaloo blanched.

"Nevermind, new topic."

"But what talk?"

"NEW TOPIC." Scootaloo insisted, panicking.

And so it was that Scootaloo visited Screwball every day. Despite the utter confusion and terror of Scootaloo meeting an angry looking god of chaos and worried looking Rainbow Dash every day after school, the ponies of Ponyville did what they do best. Ignore the problem and trust the ex-element bearers would take care of it.

And so it was that each day Screwball grew a bit better, and bit more welcoming to and happy to see Scootaloo.

And so it was that Discord cleared Scootaloo to take Screwball out of Discord's weird dimension and on wagon rides around the outskirts of Ponyville, after having the orange pegasus swear to keep Screwball safe, along with the secret of who she was. And it was on that day that Screwball decided she was strong enough to practice chaos magic.

A decision that ended up terrible.

It started out small. Flame decals on a snail here, singing flowers to terrify RD there, but it got really bad after a certain question about why Screwball never saw her caretaker fly. Scootaloo unhappily recollected what she taught. When Scootaloo "came into this world" there were complications. The complications had costed Scootaloo her ability to fly... and her mother's life.

Screwball didn't accept that.

She scraped up what magic she could, and sent it directly at Scootaloo.

There was a sudden flash, then all went dark.

The speed, the adrenaline, the wind whipping through her mane. Scootaloo liked it. A lot.

She must have passed out while Rainbow Dash was taking her on a fly. Scootaloo accepted this explanation until it dawned onto her that she couldn't feel Rainbow's hoof holding her up. Also that she was falling. Falling really fast.

Scootaloo's eyes shot open. She was rendered speechless. However, whether that was from the fact that she was plummeting toward the ground at terminal velocity and having the screams ripped from her mouths before she could hear them, she did not know. She closed her eyes and put her hooves protectively in front of her. What she did not expect though, was her instincts to kick in and spread her wings wide, sending her soaring up into the clouds. Sensing she was no longer falling, Scootaloo opened her eyes, and blinked a few times to make sure what she was seeing was real. She... was flying. She looked at her wings. They had grown. She... she could fly.

The initial rush of joy lasted for about ten minutes before Scootaloo started wondering how she had gotten magical wings growth serum. She glided across the sky for a minute until it clicked.

Screwball.

Oh no, she was supposed to be watching over her so Discord didn't turn her into an orange Kiwi.

Scootaloo turned to start a dive when she felt a strong pulling sensation on her back.

She looked behind her to see her wings shrink back to normal, not-flying length.

"Oh ponyfeathers."