Dear Pinkie-
I'm sorry. I never meant for things to happen this way. You've always been there for me, and I thought I would always be there for you. But I guess things weren't meant to happen that way.
Pinkie Pie, you will never get this letter.
Sometimes when I'm alone I think I see you outside. Your curly pink hair bouncing back and forth in my window. I know I'm dreaming, I know you're gone, but I can't seem to accept that.
The first time, you let it go. It was Applejack, and we were drunk, and Rarity had just broken up with her, and nothing really happened. And you trusted me. You knew I would never really hurt you.
The second time you weren't as prepared. I tried to talk myself out of doing it, but I couldn't. I mean, c'mon, how often is it you get the chance to go for a Wonderbolt? You weren't thrilled, Pinkie, but you let it go. You knew I would always be there.
But the third time absolutely killed you.
I remember walking through the door at Sugarcube Corner, seeing you bouncing back and forth trying to carry a tray of cupcakes on your nose. I remember telling you. I remember the shattered look in your eyes as the metal tray crashed to the ground.
I always knew we would end someday, Pinkie. I just didn't think we would end like this. With you staring at me, finally speechless, as I said those five words that ended everything.
"I hooked up with Fluttershy."
I didn't bother defending myself. I knew there was no explanation. I knew what I was doing to you, Pinkie, and I told you anyway. I thought of the night before. Walking to the club. Daring Fluttershy to sing karaoke. Fluttershy daring me to kiss her.
You stared at me with those huge blue eyes. I turned and walked away. When I turned back, you were still frozen in the doorway.
Pinkie Pie, I'm still right here.
I wish with every cell of my body you could get this letter, Pinkie. I wish you could see how sorry I really am. I wish I could say I'm going to travel the whole of Equestria to get you back.
But I won't. I know that if you don't want to be found, you won't. Even if I look forever. I know you won't read this. You will never read this. But you need to know that I'm sorry. Not like the first couple times, where I said I was sorry when I obviously wasn't. But I am really, truly sorry, Pinkie Pie, and I want you to come home.
I miss everything about you, Pinkie. I miss the way you laugh that makes your whole body shake. I love the way you can't be left alone with a tray of sweets without sampling at least one. I love the way you were mine, entirely mine.
Pinkie Pie, I wish I could say I'll never forget you. I wish I could say I'll never love again. But I can't. Maybe I'm not the element of honesty, but still. When I'm old I'll only remember you as a silly pony I used to be friends with. And hey, maybe someday I'll see you again. Maybe we'll find we still have some spark. Maybe I'll even give you this letter.
Pinkie Pie, I'm crying now. You made me cry. I don't cry for anyone. Anyone but you.
I have a confession to make. All those times you said I love you I never once said it back. But I love you, Pinkie Pie, and I probably will for a while.
Pinkie Pie, I know you will never read this. I know even if I could give it to you, I might not. Maybe you don't want to read it. Maybe I don't want you to read it. But I'm sorry, Pinkie. I'm so sorry for everything I did to you. I remember running to Sugarcube Corner in the middle of the night, knowing I had to fix things. But you were already gone.
Pinkie Pie, do you remember that day I first took you flying? You giggled so much we crashed into a cloud, and you fell on top of me, and we laughed until our stomachs cramped. That was the day I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.
They talk about how everypony has 'the one that got away'. I don't know if that's true, Pinkie, but I know that's how you will be to me. I know we both have scars from this that might not ever heal. I hope you'll be happy with your life, Pinkie. I hope you'll find a mare or stallion you love and grow up with a houseful of giggling children. Tell them about their auntie Dash, will you? I promise if I meet them I won't be bitter or anything. I'll regret what I did. I'll think, maybe things could've been different. Maybe I could've not gone to the bar that night. Maybe I could've not told you. But I'll know that things would have ended the same way. They say things happen for a reason, Pinkie. I don't know if that's true either, but I hope some good will come out of all this. Maybe you've found a nice pony to settle down with wherever you are. But I want you to try to remember me. I'll try to remember you.
Pinkie Pie, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything I did wrong. I know I wasn't the best marefriend to you. Ever, really. But I love you, Pinkie Pie. I loved you more than anything. I'm sorry, Pinkie. I'm so sorry. I know you have every right to hate me. I know you probably do hate me. But Pinkie, at least remember all the good times too. Because I know that's what I remember. How at first we tried to hide it, but everypony could see right through it. How we went on that double date with Rarity and Applejack and they broke up and got back together through the course of the meal. How we went for that picnic on the beach and you managed to pack a five-layer cake with "Dashie and Pinkie 4ever" written on the top in frosting. How you took me to the rock farm where you grew up, and we found out it was abandoned. I held you while you cried, Pinkie.
Pinkie Pie, you're never going to read this. I know and..you don't. But if you do, Pinkie, give me another chance. For my sanity. Because I have too much of it without you to balance me out.
