I could hear the door behind me crack open, pulling my attention away from my latest book on the history of Equestria and the mysteries of the infamous Lunar Flares. “Hey Twilight, I was downstairs making us some strawberry pancakes and I burped up a scroll from the crystal empire. Want me to read it to you?”
“Sure Spike, it's probably just Cadence wanting to tell me how her baby is doing,” I answered nonchalantly.
Spike cleared his throat and opened the scroll. “Princess Twilight, we are in need of your assistance. Please report to the Crystal Empire immediately! Signed Princess Luna.”
I gave Spike a worried look and he returned it. “I guess we should get going.” I opened the windows to the balcony and levitate Spike onto my back before taking off. Spike quickly grasped two small fistfuls of my mane and though it stung a little I ignored it.
Flying above the clouds, I focused my magic and imagined the Crystal Empire's castle. Channeling a teleportation spell and with a flash of magic, I could see the castle standing tall just ahead of us. “At least, everything seems normal. We better go and find Princess Luna.”
Choking down his own feeling, Spike answered, “I still hate that… flying and teleporting at the same time. Warn me next time.”
I just laughed a little as I spotted Cadence and Luna standing on a balcony. “I’m sorry, Spike,” I said as he hopped off my back, crossing his arms and huffing his disagreement. Both the princesses wore worried looks. “What's the emergency?” I asked quickly.
Luna stepped forward, “Twilight, you have been studying all sorts of magic lately. Have you read any of my sisters old journals, particularly the one that contains the spell she used to lock me away on the moon?”
“I believe so, but why is that important? Celestia is the only one who can cast such a powerful spell.” I said as Cadence and Luna led us inside.
Cadence turned around and looked at me. “Well, Twilight, that isn't exactly the spell we need. We need to know if you know about Celestia's ‘condition’.”
Condition? What condition? I puzzled. “Uhh no… not that I know of.”
Luna sighed and looked at me. Dead serious. “Twilight, this is never to be spoken of again outside of these walls and beyond us. It is a secret. Understand?”
Feeling a ping of excitement at learning something new about Celestia, my mentor, I stamped my hoof. “Understood. What is it?”
Cadence steps forward and begins speaking quietly. “Celestia has an issue... “ She paused searching for the right words to use. “Once every few hundred years or so, Celestia will be forced to use her magic to prevent herself from… uh…”
Luna rolls her eyes and steps forward. “She has to use her magic to prevent herself from farting.”
Feeling like a mallet just whacked me aside the head, I had to hear that again. “Come again? Did you say Celestia can't fart?
Cadence starts to snicker but Luna glances sideways at her and she stops and feigns a sudden cough. Luna looks back at me, “Yes. She has to use all her power to prevent it, it puts her in massive pain and she’s incapable of moving, much less performing spells. Normally it isn't this bad, but…”
“So she can't pass gas, big deal, why did we have to come here on an emergency?” asked the small dragon who had been rummaging through a desks draw, searching for a snack.
Luna glared at him. “If she farts, a solar flare will engulf all of Equestria!”
The entire room fall silent for a moment before Spike, Cadence and myself burst into laughter. Trying hard to breath I lay down on the floor and roll to one side. “Luna I-” I take a deep breath hoping to catch it and stop this fit of laughter, considering how red the blue mare was turning. “Luna, I understand, I really do, but it's just too funny!”
“You are all childish. This is a serious condition that threatens our world just as Tirek, Chrysalis, and Discord once had! Do not make a mockery of this situation!”
After everyone had made their recovery, Luna continued. “We must channel my sister's spell to create a portal in which we can carry her through. We must get her away from Equestria as quickly as possible. I've already positioned the moon to be as far away as possible, now, do you recall that spell?”
I nodded, “Yes, I do.”
“Good. Come with us. We need to get Celestia out of here!” said Luna, leading us throughout the castle.
As we entered the guest chamber where Celestia was. We found her lying near an open window. She turned and saw me, she smiled. “Twilight. Glad you’re here. Hurry now, you three must send me to the moon.”
I nodded and followed Luna’s instructions to help channel the portal. I focused on the portal that opened in front of us and could see stars and a rocky mountain in the distance. Celestia tried to offer me a smile, but her pain was obvious, “Close the portal once I’m through, I can teleport myself home without issue. Thank you for coming.” With that and some help from Luna and Cadance, she stepped through and I closed it.
Luna and Cadence both moved to the window, using their magic to move some pillows over for us to sit on. I took a seat between them and Luna conjured up some popcorn. “This is the best part, now that Equestria is safe, that is.” She chuckled and passed the bucket to me.
I accepted and watched the moon intently. Sure enough, flames begin to spiral around the moon’s surface at such an amazing speed! The moon was on fire! It wasn’t long before the flames began to lift away from the moon and dissipating in space in such a beautiful display. I couldn’t help but laugh at this revelation. “So this is how a Lunar Flare occurs. None of the books I had read about them could explain the phenomenon.”
“I couldn’t imagine it either, I’d only heard legends and theories about them,” Cadence added calmly with a light chuckle. “Woulda never guessed it was our Princess farting once every five hundred years or so.”
Luna and I shared a laugh and continued to eat popcorn as the moon lit up again.
Author's Note
Here is the original post from Rated's adopt-o-fic blog. :D I'm honored to have written this based off my friends premise. I hope everyone has enjoyed this short little fic!
- Title: “Princess Celestia Farts Solar Flares”
Summary: “Princess Celestia has to fart very badly, but she can’t! Not unless she wants the world to end in a flare of death and destruction!”
-Don’t ask. I just remember somebody saying this line I used in a story would be a great comedy. I dare somebody to try it.
~Rated Ponystar
