Insecurities
"Thanks for inviting me Rainbow, I always love watching you do your tricks," Fluttershy said, looking up at Rainbow Dash.
"No 'prob, besides, I need some pony to tell me how they look," Rainbow Dash said.
They were heading towards Rainbow Dash's regular training spot, a nice field with a few trees scattered around. Recently, Rainbow had been trying to find a perfect way to do her Sonic Rainboom. Since she had only managed to do it once or twice before. Fluttershy came with her most of the time, she wasn't very loud, but she was great for morale support. Plus the need for Rainbow to show off a little in front of somepony helped.
In the past week, Rainbow had gotten super serious about the Rainboom. She was up at sunrise every day to start her training. She did wing ups, flying routines, anything to try and increase her speed. Today, she was going to try and find the best way of gaining speed while going straight down. She wanted to do Rainbooms with gravity, rather than against it.
"Here we are," Rainbow said to Fluttershy, Rainbow was flying slightly above her, like she usually did. They had gotten to there spot, every time they came out to this field, it was always by the same tree. A big Maple tree, which provided shade for Fluttershy, but she was still able to see Rainbow Dash's flying. "See ya!" Rainbow said, flying high into the sky.
Fluttershy waved goodbye as Rainbow shot off. Some bunnies and raccoons came from the nearby trees to keep her company.
It was a beautiful day, the sun was bright, and there were a few puffy white clouds flouting in the sky. Rainbow Dash decided to start off with a few worm ups, she did backflips and twists. Then she dived
Down to Fluttershy's tree, circling at the very edges of the branches. She was flying so fast, some of the leaves where flying off the tree, and going everywhere.
Rainbow Dash then zipped off, decided that she had done enough worm ups; she flew high into the sky, then, hovering there above the clouds, she looked down. Fluttershy looked like a bug from this height.
Rainbow Dash thought about what she was gonna try first, should she tuck in her wings? Or should she flap them as she fell? Rainbow Dash wasn't paying any attention to the scenery around her, she had seen it so many times before, it was normal to her. Rolling green hills, dense forests, mountains off in the distance. The sight would have put any non-- Pegasus pony in a state of awe.
Rainbow Decided she would try tucking in her wings first, she dove straight at the ground. The wind whipped across her face, she could feel the air pass across her fur. It was an amazing feeling. At the last second, she spread her wings and propelled herself forwards instead of downwards. Shooting across the valley, but still nowhere near fast enough for a Sonic Rainboom.
She then flew back up into the sky and dove at the ground. This time she tried flapping her wings, it seemed to help her go a bit faster.
Rainbow Dash spent the day trying various ways of increasing her speed. By the time the sun was going down, Rainbow had come close to a Sonic Rainboom. She had gotten the air around her to resemble a cone, but she wasn't able to break the cone. It always sent her flying backwards.
Each time this happened, Fluttershy would precede to encourage Rainbow with a 'Aww, you'll get it next time.' or 'Almost there, just a little faster.' If Rainbow Dash was completely honest with herself, Fluttershy's encouragement really helped her. She guessed that's why she kept inviting Fluttershy to come with her.
But since she wasn't honest with herself, Rainbow Dash told herself she was the coolest pony in ponyville.
Who didn't need anypony else's help.
"'Bout ready to go home? It's getting dark," Rainbow said, swooping in and landing next to Fluttershy.
"I'm ready when you are," Fluttershy said. They started walking back home, Rainbow's wings were too tired for her to hover overhead.
"I'm so close to breaking the Rainbarrier, just I little bit faster and I can do it," Rainbow said more to herself than to Fluttershy.
"Oh don't worry about it Rainbow, you'll get it. You've been training all week, I have no doubt that you'll do a Sonic Rainboom."
Rainbow Dash blushed a little, she looked away to hide it. "Thanks Fluttershy,"
"That's why I come after all,"
Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy spent the next few days training. Rainbow manedge to do a few Sonic Rainbooms, but too inconsistently.
"So, Rainbow," Fluttershy said at the end of another day of flying, "Why have you been inviting me to come watch you train? Twilight's got wings now, I'm sure she would love to come and see you fly. And I'm sure there are better flyers in ponyville who could watch you, and give you plenty of tips."
Rainbow thought for a second, "I just thought you wanted to see some awesome flying," Rainbow said with a grin.
But Fluttershy wasn't smiling, she stopped walking and looked straight at Rainbow Dash, "Now Rainbow, I'm sorry I have to be so stern with you, but I want a truthful answer. Why do you want me to come with you to your training?" Fluttershy voice was stern, which was a rare thing to hear.
Rainbow stopped and looked back at Fluttershy, Rainbow had no idea Fluttershy was wondering about her. Rainbow stopped smiling and said, "...Well, it's because you're so nice... You always tell me I'm doing a great job... And I really appreciate it." What the hell was she saying! Rainbow Dash was getting all emotional. Rainbow Dash doesn't get emotional! But there was something about Fluttershy's questioning green eyes that just made Rainbow Dash want to tell her everything.
Rainbow Dash layed down on the grass, Fluttershy quickly joined her. "I just... I'm not sure if I'm good enough... I'm not sure if I'm a good enough flyer, I mean, why would the Wonder Bolts want a pony who can't even do a Sonic Rainboom." 'Take it back! Tell her you're just kidding! I'm the fastest pony in Equestria! You're not aloud to feel insecure!' Rainbow Dash's mind was going crazy, she could kiss her reputation good bye.
"Rainbow Dash, you're the fastest flyer I know, no pony else has ever done a Sonic Rainboom. Of course the Wonder Bolts will want you, you just need to keep practicing and I bet you will be able to do Rainbooms in your sleep." Fluttershy gave Rainbow a comforting smile, she stood up and held out her hoof for Rainbow Dash. "Now come on, you're gonna need your sleep, we've got more flying tomorrow."
Rainbow took Fluttershy's hoof, they both started walking again. Rainbow Dash started smiling, it felt so much better to talk to somepony about her problems. 'No! No! Get your sunglasses! Where are your sunglasses!?' Maybe this opening up thing could actually help. Rainbow Dash spent most of the walk back blushing, she couldn't wipe that stupid smile off her face.
When they got to Fluttershy's Cottage, Rainbow said, "Uh, Fluttershy... Can you not tell anypony about this?"
"Of course Rainbow, it's our secret," Fluttershy waved goodbye and went inside.
Rainbow's wings were still tired, but she had to get back to her cloud home. 'Look cool! Quick! Do something awesome!'
But Rainbow still felt insecure, her mind started overthinking things. 'What does Fluttershy know, she's not a good flyer, she doesn't know anything about what the Wonder Bolrts would want. I need to be able to do a Sonic Rainboom whenever I want.' She needed the approval of not just Fluttershy, but everypony, Rainbow wasn't worth anything if nopony liked her. She went to bed determined to keep at her training, no matter how long it took to do the Rainboom consistently.
Rainbow Dash awoke at the crack of dawn, as she had been doing for the past week. She dragged herself out of bed, Her whole body was sore from flying nonstop for a week. She could barely move her wings, the pain had been creeping up on her for the past couples days, but today it was way more intense. Rainbow sluggishly ate breakfast and showered, the hot water felt good on her wings. So it took allot of self discipline to get out.
Just as she did, she heard a knock on her door, Rainbow quickly finished drying off and went to answer the door. "Hay Fluttershy, don't we usually meet at your place?" Rainbow said woozily. She could barely keep her eyes open.
"We do but, Rainbow you're thirty-minutes late, are you sure you feel up to flying today?"
"Yes Fluttershy! I need to be able to do a Sonic Rainbo--" Rainbow Dash didn't feel the need to finish before she fell on her side with a thump.
"Rainbow? A-are you okay?" Fluttershy said, rushing in to help Rainbow Dash up, but instead of helping her to her hooves, she just looked at Rainbow and sighed. Rainbow Dash's eyes were closed tight, and she was snoring. "Guess you were tired, huh?" Fluttershy said quietly, "Come on, let's get you to bed."
But that was no easy task, Fluttershy wasn't the most muscular pony. But she manedge to drag Rainbow back to her bed. Fluttershy was sweaty and just about ready to join Rainbow in dreamland. So she did, it may have been Rainbow Dash's floor, but clouds are super comfy, so it was no different then sleeping on a mattress.
Rainbow Dash opened her eyes slowly, she was so tired, she rolled over to get comfy. "Ahh!" Rainbow screamed and shot out of bed, "Who-who there?!" Rainbow shouted at the pony she had seen sleeping on her floor.
"What?" Fluttershy said lazily.
"Oh, it's just you Fluttershy, what the hay are you doing here?" Rainbow asked.
"Well when you answered your door... You fell asleep," Fluttershy said with a raised eyebrow.
"What time is it!? We've got to get to the field!" Rainbow flew around her house screaming.
Fluttershy cought up with her and said, "Rainbow wait, don't you think you deserve a break?"
"No Fluttershy, I need to keep training!" Rainbow Dash said, still flying around her house, her voice was frantic, as if her whole life depended on getting to that field.
But at that moment, Rainbow's wings decided to freeze up, they shot towards her body and became unresponsive. Rainbow fell to the floor, the clouds cushioning her fall.
"Ouch," Rainbow said, rubbing her head softly, "Maybe we can have, a little break."
They spent the rest of the day sitting on the couch, talking. Though Rainbow avoided talking about her feelings. Whenever she tried to talk about it, the voice of 'reason' in her head would say, 'Don't you dare! You need to keep some dignity! No more of that 'ushy gushy stuff!'
It wasn't until 7:37 PM that Fluttershy said, "Well this was fun Rainbow, but I really should be getting home. Angel will be grumpy if I'm late for dinner."
"Okay, see ya tomorrow, bright and early," Rainbow said, waving goodbye as Fluttershy got off the couch and left. Rainbow Dash sighed, she was disappointed that she missed a whole day of training. But in the state her wings were in, there was no way she would be going fast.
Rainbow let out another sigh as she got up off the couch and headed to the kitchen. Fluttershy and her had made a nice carrot--casserole for dinner, but Rainbow just wanted something to munch on. She decided on potato--chips, she grabbed the bag, went back to the couch, and threw herself on it.
She started thinking about what kind of methods she would try out tomorrow during training. They had been at it for seven days straight. Rainbow had been planning this for months, she put in extra hours at work so she could get two weeks off. And now it was half gone, and Rainbow still wasn't much closer to being able to do the Rainboom consistently than when she started.
She reached inside the bag and took out a hoof-full of chips. Without giving it much thought, she crammed the whole thing in her mouth. She began chewing as she thought about what she had told Fluttershy the day before.
Rainbow hadn't had time to really think about it. Did she really feel insecure about her flying? She always thought of herself as the fastest pony in ponyville, maybe even Equestria. Had she really been cramming those insecure feelings in the back of her mind all this time?
'Do I really need all those ponies approval?' She thought to herself, 'do I really want to please every single pony? YES! I am the best flyer in Equestria! I'm going to be able to do a Rainboom whenever I want!'
It was like some sort of mental battle in her head, a battle she never realized she was fighting. Deciding to let her 'Cool side' win, she put the chips back in the pantry, and went to bed. 'I'm gonna show them, I'm the best flyer in Equestria.'
The next day, Rainbow's wings weren't feeling much better. She could at least fly, but it stung every time she flapped her wings. She manedge to go through her mourning routine, and by the time the sun was bright enough for her to see, she took off, headed for Fluttershy's house.
She got there and knocked on the door. rainbow had walked most of the way, it hurt just to fly down from her cloud house. But she needed to fight through the pain, she needed to keep training.
"Hey Rainbow, ready to go?" Fluttershy said, opening her door and trotting outside.
"Yep, let's go," Rainbow responded playfully.
They walked for a few minutes, until they reached their usually spot under the maple tree.
"Have fun," Fluttershy said happily, as she took off the bags she was carrying. She reached inside and pulled out a omelet wrapped in plastic. Rainbow had been relying on Fluttershy for her lunches all week. Rainbow would fly down to eat sometime in the afternoon, Fluttershy would usually give her a sandwich for lunch. Fluttershy would remark on how excellent Rainbow's flying was, which was the main reason Rainbow kept letting Fluttershy bring her lunch.
"Oh this? I didn't have time to eat breakfast today, so I brought it with me, I hope you don't mind," Fluttershy said, seeing Rainbow eye the omelet. Fluttershy spoke timidly, as if eating while Rainbow flew was disrespectful.
Rainbow shook herself out of her small daze, "No it's fine, I was just thinking, anyway, see 'ya." Rainbow flapped her wings and took off. She didn't get very far though, her wings were stinging from flying, they clearly weren't ready for another day of it. Rainbow flew clumsily, she nearly hit the tree as she passed it.
"'Gees," Rainbow said under her breath, "I'm flying as bad as Derpy,"
Rainbow tried to fight through the pain, 'You've got to train, don't give up now.' Rainbow shot up into the sky, or it at least felt like shooting to Rainbow, the wether today wasn't as good as it had been. It was partly cloudy, all the gray clouds seemed to be directly above Rainbow.
She hovered about fifty feet in the air, her wings felt as though they were on fire. 'It doesn't matter, just fight through it, keep flying." Rainbow tried to do a backflip. But when she did, her left wing decided to give out on her, it became limp and fell to her side.
Rainbow plummeted towards the ground, she managed to slow herself with her other wing enough that she didn't break any bones upon landing, but it was a bad landing nonetheless.
Fluttershy came running towards her, "Rainbow! Are you ok? that looked pretty bad," Fluttershy said worriedly.
Rainbow Dash picked herself up, her legs hurt pretty badly, "Yeah, I'm fine, my wing just froze up there for a second."
Fluttershy raised an eyebrow at Rainbow, "Are you sure you feel up to flying today?"
"Yes, I am perfectly able to fly," Rainbow said defensively.
Fluttershy raised her eyebrow higher,
"What?" Rainbow said, looking around nervously,
"Is there something you're not telling me Rainbow?" Fluttershy said, finally putting her eyebrow down. Rainbow was thankful for that, the eyebrow kind of scared her.
"No, w-why would you say that?" Rainbow had no idea why she was so nervous, it was just Fluttershy after all, what was she going to do.
"Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy said like a mother would scold her child, "Why do you keep flying if your wings are hurting? Wings don't just 'freeze up'."
"Well... Because..." Rainbow trailed off, to be honest, Rainbow wasn't completely sure how she felt. All she knew was she needed to change the subject. "H-how about these clouds eh?"
Fluttershy was not amused, "Rainbow, what's going on?" Her tone had changed. It was soft, understanding.
Rainbow didn't like how things were going, Fluttershy was clearly asking about what they had talked about the other day. About how Rainbow was feeling, but Rainbow didn't need Fluttershy's help. Rainbow just needed to get out of there.
Rainbow glanced around, looking for an escape. Deciding that anywhere was better than being Interrogated by Fluttershy, Rainbow turned around and galloped away.
"Rainbow? Where are you going? Rainbow?" Fluttershy called after her, but Rainbow didn't stop, she just kept running.
Rainbow wasn't sure why she ran, she just needed to be alone. She eventually stopped running, she had gone to another part of the field, a part where there were more trees and places to hide.
'Hide!? Hide!? I'm Rainbow Dash! I don't hide!' The mental battle had begun.
'I just need to be alone, just let me think.'
'Think!? You don't need to think! Just start flying, ignore the pain!'
'I should go back, Fluttershy was only trying to help.'
'Just fly! That's all that matters!'
'No, I need to talk this out, I need help.'
Rainbow was ready, ready to let go of her pride, let go of her 'cool side' which was only bringing her pain. Rainbow finally knew what was wrong with her, why she was so determined to be a good flyer. 'I need to find Fluttershy' Rainbow turned around and ran back the way she came. not using wings really sucks when you need to get somewhere quickly.
Rainbow heard a voice, a voice calling her name. Rainbow Dash Dashed towards the voice.
"Fluttershy!" Rainbow said, jumping through some bushes and landing right in front of her. Fluttershy screamed and hid under her hooves.
"Oh come on," Rainbow said, lifting Fluttershy up from the ground.
"Rainbow, what is going on?!" Her tone was more stern than Rainbow had heard it in a long time.
"Don't t worry Flutters, I'm 'gonna tell you, I know why I've been so determined to get better at flying. It's because I need the approval of other ponies. I need them to tell me 'Good job Dash, you're a great flyer,' I've placed my value on what other ponies think of me, and I'm tired of it. It doesn't matter what anypony else thinks of me. Because I know that you, Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, And Rarity All care about me. You care about me no matter how fast I can fly, no matter if I can do a stupid Rainboom or not." Rainbow finished out, of breath.
Fluttershy looked shocked, "Oh... Well... That's mighty deep for you Rainbow."
Rainbow just smiled, It felt so good to get that off her chest. She had been carrying around that burden for who knows how long. And the best part of it, her cool side didn't have anything to say about it.
Rainbow Dash didn't care what other ponies thought about her. She had the best friends in the world who thought she was perfect just the way she was.
"Let's go Fluttershy, I'm 'kinda sick off this field."
