Fontaine in Equestria

by Papa Krell

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Other, Adventure, Random, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1212

]Fontaine hates pacifists. now he's a talking pony, in a world filled with other talking ponies[/b] [b]they are all pacifistic by nature. fontaine is not. he needs to get home

Commissar A. Fontaine finds himself big ripped away from his world. transmogrified to fit this new realm's context, and very VERY angry, The gruff militant must find his way back to the nation he rules before disaster strikes.
If you want to see a certain encounter or event unfold, say so in the comments!
Special thanks to Fontaine for the help with his reaction dialogue and moods, without him, this fic wouldn't exist in all its shameful offensiveness glory.

Published 2016-06-14 02:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-14 02:10:01 UTC

Heated Debate

The yellow Pegasus gasps and begins to feint, but Fontaine, realizes that he needs somepony someone to guide him through the dense woods.

"Oh no you don't bitch, I'm not spending the duration of my life in this rainbow-frosted circle of hell in some bullshit monster pantry!" He exclaims as he rushed to her side and steadies her back onto her hooves.

The yellow Pegasus shoves away from him with surprising force and turns to meet his gaze with stern, a wavering eyes. "You're in big trouble mister! Just look at what you did to this poor little guy! He was minding his business, guarding his home, and you intruded and attacked him for no good reason you no good jerk!" She shouted accusingly, furious with the actions of the strange stallion that had just claimed responsibility for such a horrible deed like it were as trivial as a cloud in the sky.

Fontaine rises back to his hind legs to stand bipedal and loom over the angry Pegasus, who in response opens her wings and flaps lightly to once again glare at him eye to eye. "He was hunting me, and I showed him why he should've been cowering instead. If I hadn't busted his face up like a glass salesmen's stock at a hammer convention, I'd be a steaming pile of monster shit by the end of the day. So actually, fuck you." He countered with clear annoyance at the mare, deadpan in as she drew in breath to rant once more.

"You hurt him because he was doing what nature intended for him to do? That's unfair! What if you were eating an apple and the apple attacked you because you were a pony that ate nothing but apples since before they could remember?" She criticized, still staring into the soft hazel eyes of the manticore's assailant.

Fontaine had had enough of this. Enough of the manticore, enough of the mythical creature that refused to stop pestering him about the 'fairness' of his battle with said 300 pound lion monster, and certainly enough of that sad excuse for a withering stare.

"Why are you fucking staring at me? Do you WANT a concussion or something? Because if so, just ask and I'll start swingin."

The yellow Pegasus only hardens her stare. "I don't know who you are, but you're not a nice pony. So I'm asking you to get down and apologize to him for hurting him, then apologize to me for the awful things you said. Then, you're going to follow the path into Ponyville and find my friend twilight. She'll help you with your anger management skills." She demanded without hesitation, expecting the recipient of her famous 'Stare' would do what she said and leave the poor manticore alone.

The Warlord turned-pony sighs. Geez, didn't think you'd take me up on the concussion offer. Oh well, what's been ordered is to dully delivered." He scoffs just before bringing his left front hoof around in a hard haymaker that had her crashing to the Forest floor on contact, sending the mare tumbling into a pile of leaves. Fontaine waited a moment before beginning the trek to the town that she'd mentioned, expecting her to get up and start bitching, but finding only unconscious silence. Welp, guess I'll go find her friend and count the seconds before dome her too." The displaced veteran mumbles.

In which Fontaine suddenly becomes a small talking horse

Fontaine opened his eyes and viewed an almost cloudless sky, the sun rising to illuminate the vast blue expanse beneath it.

"The Fuck?" He groggily queried no one as he tried to shield his eyes from the blinding sunlight.

As he lifts his right arm to do so, he makes a significant discovery as pertaining to his current situation; his arms are legs, and his legs all have hooves at the end of them.

"Oh boy, shouldn't have done that." Fontaine hissed, and attempting to stay calm in light of this new development.

He fails miserably at this impossible feat, and shakily stands on his legs with justified caution.

Fontaine; still rather upset about the drastic changes in his physicality, looks around curiously and sighs as he realizes he has two choices: Investigate the modest wood cottage to his left, or walk blindly into the dense forest to his right.

"judging on what I've been transformed into, I'm sure the inhabitant of that dwelling is also a goddamn pony. Im in no mood for that, so I'll just waltz into the fucking forest now I guess." He sighs again, "Christ this is some faggot shit." and begins his stroll through the forest.

Unthinkable triumph

Unthinkable triumph

After about an hour and a half Fontaine stops in a small clearing to rest.

"Jesus fucking Christ how big is this fucking forest? Does this world not have a single fucking lumberjack?" He grumbles before attempting to sit down but ultimately failing and falling over on his side.

"FUCK!" The frustrated man-stallion yells, struggling back to his hooves.

Fontaine begins to walk again but stops at the sound of a soft thump.

"You really think You can get the drop on me?"He loudly asks the noise without turning around, "Because if that's the case, you might want to think again because I'm not in the mood for a extra helping of bullshit."

  Whatever made the noise produces a sound like the roar of a lion, and speeds toward Fontaine.

He turns around and greets the creature with a look of true surprise on his face, and backsteps as the monster's tail (which evidently was a snake) strikes at him with fangs bared..

    Fontaine looks the thing up and down, and remembers the name of such a silly creature. "A fuckin manticore? The fuck, really?" He asks, stifling a genuine laugh.

The beast stops it's attack for a second and blinks in confusion at the now laughing stallion, and then resumes in complete rage.

   Still laughing, he slowly walks towards the manticore as it sped towards him "Excuse me? Fontaine demands as he steps to the left and rises to his hind legs to stand like he did before he was pony.

The manticore notices the his prey's new position and turns to charge at him, but is prevented from doing so by a unnaturally heavy blow to the head dealt by Fontaine.

    The angry stallion continues to deliver blow after blow to the shocked animal's face until it stops recoiling and slowly sinks to its knees weakly, exhaling shallow and shuddery breaths of blood scented air from its broken nose and near-toothless jaw.

"What is this? Fuckin amateur hour?" The annoyed stallion jests as he drops back to all fours and walks past the motionless beast.

Once more he is stopped in his tracks by a soft noise, this time produced by a yellow pony Pegasus with a pink mane and tail.

    "Oh, you poor thing!" The feminine voice exclaims in shock and worry, "Who's responsible for this?" She asks the brutalized manticore, looking around.

Fontaine steps forward and startles the Pegasus with the answer to her question.

"Hello." He starts, "I'm the horse that just punched that motherfucking manticore in its fugly ass mouth."