What?

by Syeekoh

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna
Length: 1763

There's a baby in Celestia's bed. Somehow.

After a night of sisterly snuggling, the Princesses Celestia and Luna wake up with a baby in Celestia's bed.

How it got there leads to a discussion between the two sisters.

Published 2016-02-27 17:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-27 17:10:01 UTC

No, seriously. What?

Princess Celestia awoke to the warmth of her sister emanating into her body, Luna’s somnolent breaths granting her a sense of peace. The pale moonlight danced across Luna’s ethereal mane, and she smelled the scent of—

The scent of something wrong.

Celestia nudged her sister. Luna moaned, then yawned.

“What is it, Celestia? I was having such a nice—” Luna sniffed the air. “What is that smell?”

Celestia pursed her lips. “That’s why I woke you up. It kind of smells like…”

“Excrement?”

“Yes.” Celestia hummed. “But it appears to be coming from…” Celestia peered over her sister’s body to find a strange sight that she possibly couldn’t be seeing in her drowsy haze.

“There’s a baby in the bed.”

Luna yawned again. “That seems unlikely…”

Celestia’s eyes popped open. She leapt to her hooves. “Oh my stars, there’s a baby in the bed!”

Luna closed her eyes, giggling. “Stop teasing, sister. You will not fool me with a trick like that—”

Celestia grabbed Luna’s head and turned it towards the baby. “I’m not lying, there’s a baby in my bed, and it pooped in my bed!”

Luna raised an eyebrow. “Huh. So there is.”

“How are you calm when a baby pooped what looks like tar in my bed that you’re sleeping in?”

Luna stood up and carefully eased herself off Celestia’s bed. “Forgive me, I may not be fully awake yet.” Luna leaned her head in to inspect the baby. “Hmmm… that is indeed a baby. Alicorn, too.”

Celestia blinked. “Did you say… alicorn?”

“Did I stutter?” Luna poked the sleeping baby, who woke up and screamed. Celestia and Luna both flinched and covered their ears.

“Why is there an impossible baby screaming in my bed?!” Celestia fell to her haunches, hyperventilating all the while.

“It cannot be impossible because it is clearly in your bed and screaming,” Luna said.She picked up the baby in her magic and rocked it. “Shhh…”

“Well, at least it’s not in my bed anymore… but that tar—”

“Excrement,” Luna corrected. She slowly rocked the baby while she opened Celestia’s clothing drawers. She then extricated a pillowcase and socks. “These will do splendidly.”

Celestia stared at Luna manipulating her linens and unmentionables. “What are you doing with that—my stars, Luna, those were expensive socks! You don’t use those to wipe up poop! And why are you—”

“I am creating a diaper, sister. Babies need diapers, and I aim to provide this foal with a diaper.”

Celestia sucked a breath in through her teeth, then slowly let it out. “Well, we should probably figure out who the baby belongs to so that we can figure out how and why they left it in our bed.”

Luna giggled. “I don’t know. He seems cute.”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s cute; it’s not ours,” Celestia said through gritted teeth. “We need to figure out how to identify the foal’s parents so that we can return… that thing.”

“Thing?” Luna continued to rock the freshly diapered foal back to sleep. “It is an equine foal. How dare you call it a thing?”

Celestia shuddered. “It just looks… weird.”

“Anyway, who do we know that could possibly identify the foal’s parents? The Royal Guard, perhaps?”

“Oh no,” Celestia said, shaking her head, “if word gets around that we woke up with a foal in my bed… Let’s just say the press wouldn’t be very kind to us.”

Luna hummed. “An excellent point. Then who do you suggest we summon?”

“I have just the pony for situations like this.” Celestia then grabbed a quill and fresh scroll, , scribbled out a letter and sent the letter away with her magic.

Twilight Sparkle had just opened the door to Princess Celestia’s chambers when she was suddenly tugged in, the door slamming behind her. In front of her was Princess Celestia, pacing manically, and Princess Luna, rocking what appeared to be a foal in her magic.

“Princess Celestia, what did you need me for?”

Celestia turned to face Twilight Sparkle, then pointed at the foal. “Identify. Baby. Now.”

Twilight smiled and trotted towards the foal. “Well, you’re in luck, because I’ve just learned a spell which can identify the parents of a foal if they’re within a five mile radius!”

“That—” Luna looked up “—that seems—”

“Awfully convenient,” Celestia finished.

Twilight giggled as her horn glowed. “Well, Princess Celestia, you’re the one always telling me to learn new things.” Twilight kept her horn lit up for a few seconds, then released her aura. Her jaw dropped. “This… this can’t be right.”

Luna raised an eyebrow. “What is it, Twilight?”

Celestia brought a hoof to her forehead. “This can’t be good.”

“Well...” Twilight gulped. “The foal appears to be… yours.”

Celestia and Luna both spun around.

“How?” Celestia asked.

“Indeed,” Luna said, “I would think we would recall if either of us had been with child.”

“There also has to be a birth!” Celestia added.

“See, that’s the thing,” Twilight replied. “When I said yours… I meant both of yours.”

Both Celestia and Luna’s jaws dropped. Celestia fell to her rump. “What.”

Luna gently placed the foal onto the bed. “Twilight, I suggest you scan again.”

“No need.” Twilight explained, “Besides, I thought it was obvious that it was both of yours from the white coat, blue mane, and the fact that it was born an alicorn. I just ran the test because Princess Celestia asked, as well as to confirm my suspicions.”

Celestia buried her face in her hooves. “No, this isn’t possible. This can’t be happening.”

“I am curious to how this could have transpired as well, ” Luna said.

Twilight grinned. “Well, I’d be glad to explain if you’ll allow me to.”

“Please do.”

“Why me?” Celestia groaned.

Twilight cleared her throat. “Well, I’ll assume that you’re already familiar with how foals are normally created.”

“Get to the point,” Celestia said through her hooves.

Twilight cleared her throat, not wanting to aggravate her mentor any further. “Well, I did some research before I got here.”

Luna gently rocked the foal. “A wise decision.”

“Thank you.” Twilight smiled at Luna, then looked at the crumpled form of Celestia, who was doing some rocking of her own. “It turns out that there’s another way to create life between two ponies who love each other very much, like lovers―”

“―or sisters,” Luna interjected. Celestia carefully lifted her head out of her hooves and slowly turned it to face Luna.

Twilight giggled nervously. “I suppose, in this case. Well, the technique was supposedly only able to be performed by a pony with a high level of magic. But the most important factor of the ritual was―”

Celestia stood up. “Intent.” She extricated the pony foal from Luna’s magic and foisted it onto Twilight, who carefully cradled the baby colt. “Twilight.” The corners of Celestia’s mouth were turned down and her eyebrow furrowed. “I’d like you to take this child to the hospital for proper treatment. Tell them it was abandoned and that the Crown is adopting it.”

“Him,” Luna said, “and his name is Nebula.”

“Whatever,” Celestia grunted.

Twilight nodded. “Can do, Princess!” she said before she left the room.

With Twilight gone, an oily-thick tension coalesced between the two sisters. The sounds of breathing was the only sound between them.

Luna’s breath, calm and collected.

Celestia’s breath, rapid and shallow.

Celestia screwed her eyes shut, then opened them.

Luna’s right ear twitched.

Celestia faced Luna.

Luna blinked.

“Why.” Celestia was curt and direct.

The left side of Luna’s mouth curled up as she giggled nervously. “Well, we have always talked about having foals, and I reasoned why not―”

“Without my consent.” Celestia creeped towards Luna.

“As I was saying, why not with each other? Surely the great ruler of Equestria is not against a foal, especially of her own flesh and blood.”

“Wax eloquent all you want. You violated my trust.” Celestia’s face was a hair’s width from Luna’s.

Luna smirked. “You will have to excuse me if I do not sufficiently reproduce the phrasing of this most wise piece of common parlance I overheard.” She stared Celestia dead in the eyes. “It takes two to tango.”

“So what you’re saying, sister, is that in addition to the responsibility of ruling a kingdom―”

“Technically, it is a principality―”

“QUIET!” Celestia roared, Luna’s hair flailing backwards in response to the rare event of Celestia utilizing her Royal Canterlot Voice. Celestia pursed her lips, then turned away. “I never asked for this.”

Luna sat down and blinked a few times. “...When were you going to?”

“I’m—I’m not sure.” Celestia sniffed. “But not like this. Perhaps sometime in the future.”

“Is this not the way of doing things?” Luna asked. “Assisting the other party in bearing a child if they are unsure?”

Celestia exhaled. “Maybe it was a thousand years ago, but in this day and age we have something called consent.”

Luna scoffed. “Sounds like a seven letter words for hemming and hawing if you ask me.” Luna stood up. “And besides, Celestia, it is your future. At least it is from my perspective.” Luna trotted towards Celestia. “And I have scoured the records for notices that you have been with child and have found none.”

Celestia hung her head. “I guess I’m really just upset that…”

Luna inhaled, then exhaled. “Yes?”

Celestia sighed deeply.

“That I missed the post-natal abortion window.”

Luna barked out a laugh and slapped Celestia on the back. “Now there is the sister I grew up with!”

“I still remember the conventions from a millennium ago.” Celestia stood up. “Now I’d like to take a look at my incest rape son.”

Celestia and Luna viewed Nebula from the hallway, wiggling in his bed among the other Canterlot newborns. Celestia pursed her lips.

“Well, I suppose it could have turned out worse,” she said.

“You mean he―”

“Yeah, whatever.” Celestia looked at the incestuous bundle of joy. “He’s cute.”

Luna chortled. “He has your eyes.”

“Well, he has your mane,” Celestia said with a giggle before she pulled her sister into a choke hold. “If you ever pull anything like this again, I’m banishing you to Tartarus where you can play ‘I Spy’ with Tirek, understood?”

“I am not familiar with that game,” Luna eked out.

Celestia facehooved. “Look, you say ‘I Spy’ and describe a feature of something in the area and the other party has to guess―the point is don’t do anything like this again.”

“Understood,” Luna worked out from the foreleg constricting her throat.