Shadowbolts Adventures: Ask Sugarcoat

by DragonShadow

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Equestria Girls, Comedy, Sugarcoat
Length: 2435

On a lazy evening, Sugarcoat realizes that her online Ask Blog has reached 500 Followers, and decides to celebrate with an impromptu AMA.

On a lazy evening, Sugarcoat realizes that her online Ask Blog has reached 500 Followers, and decides to celebrate with an impromptu AMA.

Rated T for light sexual suggestiveness.

Published 2016-03-06 17:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-06 17:20:01 UTC

Ask Sugarcoat

Ask Sugarcoat

A warm fuzzy bath robe, a pair of thick wool socks, and a steaming mug of cocoa in her right hand. These were the elements of Sugarcoat's day, and they were the ingredients to the best kind of day. The kind of day where she got to sit around the house not doing much of anything at all. And now towards the evening she let herself wander into her office and plop down into the office chair with an unashamedly lazy yawn.

She clicked through a couple of web-pages. Some comics she enjoyed keeping up with, funny videos Lemon Zest sent her way, and a couple of brief e-mails from her online friends. Button Mash was still taunting her about the ending of their last game of Swords N Bullets. That was perfectly fine with her. The bigger his ego got, the more satisfying it would be to tear it down next time.

Once she had caught up with the events of the last few hours she logged into her Tumblr account, "Ask Sugarcoat: Because You're Too Stupid To Figure It Out Yourself". She hadn't been a presence online for very long, she hadn't been the most sociable sort before the Friendship Games, but she had been trying to reach out to others more since then, and reaching out across the world wide web had felt like as good a place to expand to as any. It was just a dumb small advice page, but sometimes she got some interesting questions.

Her eyes widened slightly when they settled on the front page, automatically scanning over her Follower count. Somehow she hadn't even noticed her Tumblr page reach 500 Followers. For a moment her mind went blank. How many sad, desperate people could possibly be that interested in following her? She was just some stranger on the internet. Was she really all that interesting to them?

After a moment however, her analytical mind shut down and she gave a small smile, standing from her chair as her hand worked the mouse to bring up her UrTunes. A bright, energetic tune started playing as she danced her way into the kitchen, with her feet stepping lightly to the beat. She couldn't help a few twirls on her way back out to the living room with a bowl of ice-cream in hand as she danced her way back to the computer chair, allowing herself to slide across the tile the last two feet before plopping back into the chair and looking again to make sure the number wasn't an illusion.

It wasn't. The 500 Followers remained strong, so she leaned back in her chair to ponder. She had things to do, of course. She could be working on homework, or pushing into her investigation of Sunset Shimmer. She really wanted to know more about the girl, for a variety of reasons. But there was no reason Sugarcoat couldn't take the rest of the evening to have a little fun with her 500 loyal Followers.

So she brought up her blog and began to type. Holy crap there are actually 500 of you pathetic clueless people looking to some random internet stranger for advice now. I'm as honored as I am disgusted, but I'm willing to play a little game anyway. For the next while I'll accept any question about myself you may want to ask, so I'll be slightly less of a stranger to you. I guess to put it simply; oh yeah 500 Followers, ask me anything!

She sat back in her seat, and surprisingly quickly the questions began pouring in.

FourShadow Asked: Why are you so blunt and brutally honest with every person you are talking to?

Sugarcoat pursed her lips for a moment before responding, her fingers sliding with ease across the keyboard. I'm a big believer in efficiency. Trying to come up with gentle ways to tell you how terrible you are at something would be a waste of the most precious limited resource in the world, time. It's also a lot less awkward than beating around the bush and confusing everybody involved with double-speak and entendre. I say get it over with. Yank off the Band-Aid and move on with life.

Satisfied with her answer, Sugarcoat sent off that message to the main page and moved onto the next question.

Jlargent Asked: In your opinion Sugarcoat what is your opinion of Crystal Prep and CHS after the events of the the Friendship Games changed your overall outlook on both schools?

First of all, don't ask my opinion of my opinion. My opinion of my opinion is quite in-line with whatever my opinion is. Second of all, my outlook of both schools actually hasn't changed all that much. I knew going in that Crystal Prep Academy was the go-to school for academic achievement and future planning while Canterlot High was more of a party school where people go to socialize their teen years away with light learning. Neither of those impressions have changed since the Friendship Games, though I will say I vastly underestimated the value in socialization before the Friendship Games. Perhaps there's an important middle-ground somewhere that neither school has quite reached. Still, I wouldn't give up Crystal Prep for Canterlot High. I do have a lot of fond memories there, unlike Twilight.

ajvasquezbrony28 Asked: Sugarcoat, would you go out on a date with me?

Yes. Sadly, you didn't leave any kind of contact information for me to get in touch with you, so I suppose our love will have to remain in the realm of what could have been.

Talon and Thorn Asked: Have you ever lied to someone to save hurting their feeling? If so do you think it showed you respected or didn't respect them?

I can't say that I have, that I can recall. As I said before, I'm a big believer in efficiency, and lying to protect someone's feelings is effectively accomplishing nothing. You make them feel slightly better in the short term, but they still suck at what they're doing as much as ever, and their life situation hasn't begun to improve at all. You're encouraging stagnation when you should be encouraging improvement. In my humble opinion.

DeltaXeno1138 Asked: What is your guilty pleasure movie?

Frozen. I know it's cliche, played out, trite, and probably about numerous mental disorders, but it makes me want to run out into the wilderness and let my hair down. Not literally of course. My hair is so long it would get infested by ants the moment it touched the grass. I don't know how Rapunzel did it. Besides being fictional.

K-yuii Asked: If you could say anything right now, what would it be?

Uh... is there any reason I couldn't say anything right now? This is my Tumblr. I have complete and utter control and domination over it, and nobody can stop me from saying whatever is on my mind. Not that they can outside of the internet either, of course. The truth will not be silenced!

Fetch Asked: Sugarcoat, why is your name so ironic?

My mother lacked psychic powers. It's a common flaw.

RABY Asked: Sugarcoat, did you ever get a response from that dating site and, if so, how did it go?

I've gotten thirty-six replies so far. Wait, thirty-seven. I just haven't responded to any because I don't really believe it has a good chance of working. Besides, Sunny Flare probably sucked up all of our collective dating luck hooking up with a hunky cop on her first night out who clicked with her immediately and made her all weak-kneed and disgustingly googly eyed for almost a week afterward ugh I hate her so much. Yes, I might be bitter about this.

621Chopsuey Asked: You know the magic at Canterlot High comes from a pony dimension. What pony race do you see yourself as?

I don't know, though maybe I could ask Sunset Shimmer to ask Princess Twilight what race I am as a pony. Or just go jumping through magical portals to alternate dimensions I know nothing about. That sounds like a good idea. I'd like to be a pegasus, though, personally. Screw being arbitrarily attached to this hunk of rock by physics. I wanna fly.

CarcinoGeneticist Asked: How much would someone have to pay you to get you to pose nude?

One thousand dollars for the pose, another five hundred per picture of it, and a notarized contract stating that I get to sue you when you inevitably goof up and leak the pictures to the internet. Don't you judge me, I have an impending college tuition to save up for. Besides, if some lonely pathetic rich guy (or girl, I don't discriminate) wants to pay absurd amounts of money just to see my t&a that sounds like a golden opportunity to me.

Equestria Girls Fan 94 Asked: How well do you get along with Applejack?

I haven't really interacted with her much. She seems mentally primitive, but good-hearted.

Eternally Anonymous Asked: What video games do you play, and when did you start playing them?

I've been playing video games since I was a little girl. RPG's and strategy games, for the most part. As school got more intense I kind of stopped having time for long journeys, and stopped gaming for a little while. It wasn't until fairly recently that I began playing again by branching out into more social and less intellectual genres. I still try to enjoy a good RPG every once in a while though. Sometimes it's nice to turn off all the lights late at night on a weekend and just get lost in one.

Inazuma Asked: What is your favorite Mythology and who are your favorite mythological characters? Example: Hercules, Thor, Atalanta, Kiyohime, King Arthur etc.

Thank you for defining "mythological" for me, I have no idea what the word means. That was a lie. Anyway, my favorite mythological character is Marceline the Vampire Queen. And if you're going to say she doesn't count, she's just as fake as the rest of those characters, and far more interesting too. Also this is my blog, and you can't stop me.

Bretap0131 Asked: I know you may be blunt with everyone most of the time, but my question for you is would you ever consider being more nicer and have more respect to everyone in general? Especially to your friends at Crystal Prep and to the Mane 6 at CHS? Not to be rude to you or anything, but I'm just curious.

I'm not sure who this "Mane 6" you refer to is, but I don't think of myself as being particularly disrespectful to anyone. I like to tease my friends, sure, but they know when I'm kidding around and when I'm being serious. And as I said before, trying to pretty up the truth is a confusing waste of everybody's time.

Infrno Dragon Asked: when you first saw twilight transform into that demon form were you scard what was going thought u mind

Twilight's transformation was quite shocking, as you might imagine. Honestly though my first thought was to punch Cinch in the face, just in case I never got the chance to again, but she ran off too fast.

Also this is a useful resource you may want to look into. I say this because I care.

Photon Jet Asked: Have you ever lied/not been brutally honest ever in you life? If so, what happened to make you lie?

No, I have never spoken an untruth even once in my forty-two years of life.

ryeguy Asked: What's it like having Twilight as a friend?

A bit like having a nosey little sister who's smarter than you and knows it but doesn't actually know anything about the world outside of the hypothetical. She might be the most immature brat I know personally. But like any little sister, even spiritual ones, you just kind of deal with it because you love them.

Bootsy Slickmane Asked: What's your biggest regret?

I have quite a number of those, looking back on my life from the fresh perspective of my new socialization habits. I suppose my biggest regret so far is turning down Jet Set when he asked me out a few years back. Not because I like him, he's a snooty punk now, but because he was the only boy to ever ask me out, and it might've been nice to have that experience to look back on now. I turned him down because I didn't give a crap about socializing at the time. I guess it's symbolic of my life before the Friendship Games.

Sugarcoat leaned back in her chair, looking over the surprisingly long list of question she had received that evening. She was never one to need the approval of others to feel good about herself. She knew her strengths and weaknesses, and these were just nameless faceless strangers. But it felt good to see them, somehow. Like she was actually making a dent in the lives of others, no matter how pathetic they could be sometimes. Perhaps she was no better, sitting here on her Tumblr when she could be doing so much else.

Well guys, I think it's time for me to get some sleep. Thank you all for being sad and pathetic enough to waste your time wondering about my life instead of living your own. All 500 of you with nothing better to do than sit on the internet to see what I'm doing. You're the most worthless beings in the world who will probably contribute nothing to society in any notable way, and I love you all. Goodnight.

With a soft sigh Sugarcoat closed her browser, picked up her now empty bowl and cup, and headed into the kitchen to wash them out. It was such a petty thing to be proud of, and yet the emotional reaction was undeniable. Oh well, at least it was nice to imagine she was actually making some stranger's life better in some strange, twisted way. But now it was about time to get to bed and return to normal life in the morning.

Author's Note

Seriously, thank you all for the 500 Followers I've accrued on FIMfiction. I've had audiences before, but I don't know if I've ever been able to confirm having so many at once, even if a good portion of them aren't active anymore. I hope my stories continue to entertain you, and I will see you next week.

... Seriously, I need a "farewell" tagline.